Hell and Back
by My Writing Is This
Summary: Evy has experienced more in her life than any one person should. All the tears, pain, and death. The love, hope, and laughter. Memories. It seemed like that's all that remained of her life. Dean was in Hell and she was determined to free him. What she didn't know was that more was yet in store for her. Challenges that she had yet to face. Tests she had to overcome.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Nothing from Supernatural belongs to me!**

**A/N: Here is the latest installment of my Supernatural series. Please read and review. After the first one they seem to have not received very much notice but I'm still pushing forward. Hopefully season four will bring some surprises to pull everyone back in. Read and Review Please! And this chapter is super short but if you throw me a bone I'll be more than happy to add more to keep it going.**

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><p><em><span><strong>Prologue<strong>_

The moon was full. Its bright rays shining through the trees. I didn't have to wait long. I had one thought and one thought alone. One goal I'd have till I succeeded. It was all consuming. Filling my entire being. There was nothing I wanted more. Closing my eyes, his face appeared in my mind. He was smiling at me. He smiled at me every night, until he was torn apart by Hellhounds. Frowning I picked up the pentagram and placed it gently against my lips.

"Reminiscing?"

I turned to see a brunette in a sleek black dress walking toward me. I glared at her. Her eyes turned red before she blinked, looking human again, though she was anything but.

"That is none of your business." I told her, dropping the necklace.

"Oh, I think it is." She grinned. "Isn't that the reason you summoned me?"

I nodded as I met her halfway. "You know what I want."

"You know I'm not going to give you what you want." She told me coldly. I just looked at her. "If no one has made a deal with you yet, no one is going to."

"Then tell me who to find. Someone will want to deal with me." I told her.

"How many crossroads like this have you been to? How many connections have you exhausted?" She grinned. I lowered my eyes. "Too many to count is my guess."

"There has to be a way." I said looking up at her.

"Even if there was, why would I tell you?" She grinned.

"Because then maybe I won't kill you." I told her.

She laughed and stepped closer to me. "If only, sweetcheeks."

"If only you had given me an answer." I replied and thrust the Ginsu into her stomach.

I shouldn't have grabbed the knife. But in the heat of the moment it seemed like it would be beneficial. That and I wasn't even thinking straight. Sam was distracted and I was going to be running low on resources and fighting power.

She fell to the ground, dead. I sighed and cleaned the blade. I was tired. It was the same result with everything demon I tried to deal with. Dean would kill me if I sold my soul for him. But I wasn't about to let him rot in Hell. I would find a way to bring him back. No matter what it cost me. Only no one wanted to deal. No matter what I tried. No one would trade my soul for his. No one would help me. It was hard not to just give up. To just allow the truth to sink in and deal with it. But as much as I wished I could, it just wasn't possible. I needed him back. I wouldn't rest till I did.


	2. Anonymous

_**Chapter Two: Anonymous**_

My eyes felt heavy. I hadn't been asleep long. First there was nothing, than a whispering filled my ears. My eyes shot open, now I was wide awake. Sitting up, I looked around the room, only nothing was there. The whispering continued but it was so low I couldn't understand what it was saying. Slipping out of bed I tried to place the voice and where it was coming from. I couldn't. Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair and walked to the window. The moons glow touching my face. Maybe it was Dean. Maybe he was trying to contact me. Tears brimming in my eyes, I tried to listen for the voice again. Trying to bring his voice to my mind, his memory constantly there.

The moon is the same no matter where you are. The stars shine just as bright. The wind is the same wind. The colors of the sunrises and the sunsets. The blue sky and white clouds. No matter where you were it was all the same. It might happen at different times but it was still the same. Oh how I wished it was the same. I kept telling myself that everything was okay. That everything was the same. Only the biggest part of my life had been torn away from me. Life as I knew it was no longer the same. It was an empty shell of a life that had once been full. Everything looked bland. Looked like it had been painted in black and white. There was no joy. No happiness. Just the habits that built up every day. Just a pattern that repeated itself from when I opened my eyes in the morning and closed them at night. The in between filled with nightmares that plagued my mind. Never ceasing to remind me of what I had and lost. Dean was dead. Dead and buried. If that wasn't bad enough he was rotting in Hell. Hell. Nothing I had done so far had allowed me to succeed in getting him back. But I was stubborn. I would find a way. Even if it killed me.

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><p>It was a slow night. The usual customers were moving in and out. The low music in the background playing from the old jukebox. There was the constant clinking of glass. The sound of sorrows being wallowed or laughter of happy times. It was your typical bar. The typical people sat in it. Typical wooden look. Pillars spaced around the room. A few pool tables and dart boards. The smell of alcohol and pretzels. There was even a very small stage that a karaoke machine sat on. It brought back so many memories that I hardly glanced at it. But part of me wanted to get up there. To sing one of his favorites. To feel near him. Or to sing the most depressing thing I could and to share my bitterness and grief. No matter how much time went on, I grieved him every day. Focusing on work helped. It was a distraction. It wasn't anything I wanted but it was a job and it was the typical place to turn to for someone like me. I should have been with Sam and Bobby. Should be helping them do what I was trying to do. But I just couldn't. I didn't want them. I wanted Dean. I wanted him so bad. So I was here. In the middle of nowhere. Pretending to be something I wasn't.<p>

"Hailey."

I lifted my head as I heard my name called. Hailey Brooks. It was a common name. Common enough that I hoped there was at least a dozen of them. Common enough that no one would take any interest. It was hard to renounce who I was. Yet, at the same time, it was almost a relief. No one knew who I was. No one knew what I did for a living. But, most importantly, nobody cared.

"You almost done?" Bruce, my boss, asked.

"Just finishing up wiping down the tables." I replied.

"You can call it a night after that." He told me.

"Okay." I smiled and turned back to my task.

I took my time. It wasn't like I was going far. Like the Roadhouse, there were a few rooms in the back. One I got to myself in exchange for meager pay. It was a good set up though. I was rarely bothered. Left to live what remained of my life. I could leave on a whim, trying to find a break, and return to a small room and a crappy job. It was enough.

Taking the trash out, I grabbed a small paper bag from underneath the counter. Walking out back, I tossed the garbage bags into the dumpster before hearing the patter of four feet. From around the corner appeared a somewhat oversized lab. His coat was a deep chocolate color. He was tall with long legs. Much less stalky then the breed's standard. His head and body more slender but was still a lab. As always, he remained at a distance, peeking around the corner. I smiled and opened the bag. From inside I took out a baggie full of kibble. He came around periodically since I had arrived almost a month ago.

"Hey, boy." I said kneeling down.

He shifted his weight carefully, ready to bolt if I made too sudden a movement. He was filthy and his ribs were still visible. Sighing, I poured the food out on the ground and moved back. It took him a few minutes but he came forward and wolfed down the food. I smiled, pulling a bone from inside the bag. It had strips of meat and marrow still clinging to it. I had gotten it on a pretzel run. His ears perked up and he looked at me.

"You're going to have to come to me this time." I told him. He just looked at me. "I mean it." I told him and held the bone out towards him. "Come on. You can do it."

He slowly moved forward as he licked his chops. His head was lowered and his movements jerky. I was patient as I waited for him to come for it. His nose was moving frantically as drool started to drip from his lips. I just smiled as he reached his neck out as far as it would go. His teeth finally were in reach. He grabbed it and took off around the building. I stood and went back inside. He was looking better. It would just take a little more time to gain his trust.

"What were you doing?" The bar's owner, Bruce, asked me when I had gone back in.

He was a decent man. Tall and burly. A shinny bald head. He looked like a bouncer only he wore jeans and plaid. He looked like a rough guy but deep down he was kind. Kinder then a lot of people I've come across in my life. He was a good man to work for. Didn't ask a lot of questions and always helped when needed.

"Nothing." I replied.

"Feeding that stray?" He countered.

"He needs some attention." I told him.

"And he's the only thing you've shown any interest in since you got here." He stated. I didn't say anything. "I'm not trying to pry. But you show up here, pretty much telling me that I'm going to hire you, with not an ounce of reasoning or even the thought of an explanation."

"I'm not one to share." I said matter-of-factly.

"I know. And that's not a bad thing. We're all about the secrets here. But you gotta give me a bone every once in a while."

"What sort of bone are you looking for?" I asked.

"Why are you here?"

"Escaping my past." I told him.

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"You're not going to give me anything more than that?"

"No." I told him flatly.

There was a long pause before he sighed and said, "Okay. Have a good night, Hails."

"Night, Bruce." I smiled and walked to my room.

It was small, containing only a double bed, nightstand, one tall dresser, a small closet, and a small desk with a single lamp. It was covered with drawings I had done over the past months. I tried to keep only the good memories alive, but with the good came the bad. And once the bad started to flow it was hard to shut them off. All in all, it wasn't much, but it was enough. Sighing, I took my apron off, putting my tip money in a jar. It was getting full. I spent little money, making sure I had enough for when I finally found the one who would help me. There was a small bathroom attached to my room. Bruce was nice enough to give it to me. I took a long shower before crawling into bed. I was exhausted but couldn't bring myself to shut my eyes. Every time I did my mind replayed that last night. Replayed the worst moment of my life. I stared at the small window for hours, waiting for sleep to take me, praying for no dreams.

"_Evy."_

I sat up as the whispering voice returned. I'd only heard it a few times. Tonight it was the clearest it had ever been. Frowning, I waited, waited for it to say something.

"_Return to your cause."_

"I don't want to." I whispered, shutting my eyes. "I'm so tired."

"_He's coming."_

"Who is?" I asked.

No reply ever came. I lay back down, pulling the blankets up to my neck, gripping my necklace, feeling the need to be protected. I didn't know what the voice wanted. But hearing voices in general was never a good thing. I shut my eyes and tried so hard to sleep to take me. I just wanted to forget. I just wanted to feel better. Now I was hearing voices. I was falling apart. Going insane. All I wanted was Dean and he wasn't coming back.


	3. Unexpected

_**Chapter Three: Unexpected**_

It was busy as hell. People were flooding in and out of the bar. We were shorthanded and there was no getting used to trying to live like this. I hated everyone who walked through the door. They were all so infuriating I was shocked I had stayed in one place so long. I figured the more I moved around the more people would see me and the more likely it would be that Sam or Bobby would show up on my door step. No. I wasn't going to have that. I stayed in this little town with all these stupid people who made my life a living hell from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. It was ridiculous. I was just lucky that I had enough self-control to come off as a sarcastic yet perky person who likes to help anyone who asks. Enough self-control to not punch half of the customers in the face. I made a better bouncer then Bruce. I might look small but I didn't take crap from no one and could easily kick their sorry little asses to the curb.

On top of that I had a new companion. The stray lab had finally come around. It took a couple months but it had finally happened. Now he was a constant at my side. A shadow that was never far away. He wandered through the crowd, mingling with the customers. He had filled out and after a few bathes he was a completely different dog. It was almost weird to have a dog around again but he gave me comfort. Something I hadn't felt in a long time. Since I took him in I even started sleeping again. The number of nightmares dwindling down to nearly nothing. He was quiet but happy. Everyone loved him and if we were talking about the dog then we weren't talking about me. It was a win-win situation.

"Windsor!" I called and he came trotting to my side. I handed him the cash bag, "Take it to Bruce." I told him and he trotted off across the room, the bag securely in his mouth. I smiled and poured the beers that were just shouted at me.

"Hello."

I looked up and paused as my eyes met those of a man standing in front of me, staring. I frowned and just looked at him. He was tall with a nice build. Thick brown hair that was slightly bushed to the side. Though his most prominent feature were his eyes. They were very blue and very intense. He was looking at me as if he knew me. Like he knew something I didn't. His posture was stiff and his voice was husky but pleasant. As I looked at him, I felt a shock, and my hand shot to my pentagram.

"Can I help you?" I asked him, lowering my hand.

"Yes." He replied.

I waited but he said nothing. "Can't you tell that we're a bit busy tonight? Are you gonna say something or just stare at me?" I asked, annoyed.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"Okay." I said and turned away from him. When I turned back he was gone. "Okay." I repeated and continued with my job.

By the time bar close rolled around my feet were throbbing and the bar looked like shit. When I had finally finished with the floors I dropped into one of the chairs, propping my feet up on the one across from it. I groaned, slouching down in the chair. Windsor came and lay on the floor next to me, releasing his own groan as he place his head in between his paws. I reached my hand down and gently stroked his head. It was quiet. I was finally starting to relax when the whispering voice filled the room. I looked around, but I was the only one there. It was quiet again. I couldn't understand what it was saying. I caught my name, but before I could concentrate too hard on it Bruce came and sat in a chair next to me.

"Wonderful job tonight, Ms. Brooks." He grinned.

I smiled and gave a short laugh, pushing the voice out of my mind. "Same to you, Mr. Manners."

"That's the busiest we've been in quite some time." He stated.

"So happy I got to be a part of it." I told him. He laughed and just looked at me. "What?" I asked him.

"You don't belong here." He told me.

Sighing, I replied, "I've heard that before."

"You don't want to be here." He stated with a sad edge to his voice.

"I know." I agreed.

"So, why are you here?" He asked.

"You've been so good with not asking questions, why start now?" I asked sadly.

"Because now I've gotten to know you." He replied.

I just looked at him. He was honest and kind. It was a small price to pay for everything he had done for me. "Fine. I'll throw you that bone you've been wanting." I told him with a raised brow. He stayed silent, ready to listen. "When I showed up here, it was three days after my fiancé was murdered." I told him. His face grew sad as he remained silent. "He made a bad deal and it got him killed. I couldn't face it. I couldn't live in a world where he didn't. So I took off and ended up here. I wanted to start a new life. Wanted something different. Wanted to forget what happened and to make a fresh start."

"I'm sorry, Hailey." He said softly.

"Hey, I'm tough." I smiled at him, though my eyes started to fill with tears. A frown moved across my face. I could feel the distant look come to my eyes. "Wanna know what the worst part is?" I asked rhetorically. He just made a noise. "I was forced to watch. I was forced to stand there and watch him die. All my hopes and dreams with him. Everything I ever wanted died with him." I finished and looked at him.

"I don't even know what to say to that." He told me honestly.

I smiled at him. "That's okay. I don't expect you to. You can see why I like to keep to myself."

"I'll never attempt to pry again." He told me with his hands up.

"Thank you." I told him sincerely. "I just don't want to be labeled as the sad little girl who lost everything."

"Never." He smiled and put his hand on my arm.

"Thanks, Bruce."

"Besides, you have that dog to keep you company. Better company then me anyway." He said and looked at Windsor.

"This is true." I grinned at him. "Thanks, again, for letting him stay. He really does help me."

"Then he'll stay for as long as you want him to." He grinned.

"Good. Because I've fallen for the big brute. Other than the fact that he's kind of a bed hog." I smiled before feeling melancholy. Dean always hogged the sheets. Only he always said it was so I'd have to get closer to him. It was ridiculous. It was the smallest of things, yet right now, in this moment, it was one of the biggest.

"We've both been up too long. Let's call it a night." Bruce said and patted my knee as he got up.

Nodding I stood and walked toward the back. Windsor had stood the same moment I had. He trotted ahead of me to the back door. While Bruce shut the lights off, I let Windsor out the back for one last potty break. He never dawdled and was soon trotting back, sitting at our door. I called goodnight to Bruce before pushing my door open. Windsor slowly walked to the bed, jumping up, splaying out on his side of the bed. I smiled and got ready for bed. When I finally crawled in next to him, he turned and rested his head next to mine. I smiled and kissed his muzzle before turning and shutting my eyes. I fell asleep quickly, a dreamless sleep, allowing me to finally rest.

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><p>It was rare when I used my day off for something other than tracking down demons, witches, or anything else that might be able to resurrect Dean. It was my plan today, but for some reason I decided to just try and relax. Take a day to try and just feel human again. To try and just…feel. This was why I decided to take my dog for a long walk to the lake a few miles away. Few people were ever there. It would be nice to see Windsor let loose and swim. I hoped it would be enough of a distraction.<p>

"Why can't life be just the way we want it to be?" I asked him as we sat on the bank. His tongue was lolling out as I let him catch his breath. "Why can't I just snap my fingers and make it right?" I said and tried snapping my fingers just in case something happened. Nothing did. He whined and picked up his ball again, dropping it in my lap. "Okay." I said and stood up, throwing the ball into the water.

We had been playing for quite a while when I felt something odd…more whispering. I whipped around and saw the man from the bar. He just looked at me. His arms at his sides. He had a stern yet focused look on his face. I frowned, crossing my arms. I heard Windsor come out of the water and he stepped next to me. He looked from me to the man. He took a step forward, his nose moving as fast as it could. He looked up at me and whined. I frowned harder, looking at him.

"Hello." He said in the same husky voice.

"Hello." I replied.

"That is a beautiful animal." He stated.

"Yes, he is."

Every move he made was precise, almost perfect. It was strange and made me uncomfortable. But the dog was at ease and I truly believed in their sixth sense abilities.

"Is there something I can do for you?" I asked him, finally breaking the silence.

"Yes." He replied matter-of-factly.

I waited but he said nothing. "And what is that?" He just looked at me. Once again, I just stood there waiting for him to say something. "Who are you?"

"Perhaps he could help you find what you're looking for." He said nodding at Windsor.

I frowned and looked down at my dog. When I looked up he was gone.

"The more he does that the more I think he isn't human." I said and stroked Windsor's head.

I had had enough playing for one day. We walked back to the bar in time to catch the busy hour. Deciding to help out, I was quiet as I stocked the pretzels and wiped out all the glasses. Windsor laid by the door. He was as relaxed as ever. What the stranger had told me kept rolling around in my head. My eyes kept lingering on the dog. Dogs are known for their sixth senses. The ability to sense seizures. To tell when an earthquake is about to strike. To be able to smell the glucose imbalance in diabetics. The list goes on and on. Cooper sensed when Lauren Smith shared my body. He sensed when demons were near. He knew what to do without me asking him. He was a fantastic dog. Bella had a much weaker sense of the demonic but she helped me find the bones. Now there was this dog. A lab no less. His nose being one of the most powerful of the dog world. Maybe I had overlooked one of the biggest assets I had.

"Windsor?" I said quietly. He was on his feet and to me with a few strides. I bent down and took his head in my hands. "Is there something you're not telling me?" His tail thudded on the floor and he gave my face a quick lick, though he was never one for the licking. "Maybe we'll have to do a little testing." I told him. He cocked his head as his ears perked. "You're not Coop, but you definitely are second best." I smiled and kissed his muzzle.

The night felt long. It didn't help that it was slow. The regulars came through; I did the usual chit chat. Doing what I was paid to do. But my head wasn't in it tonight. My mind was reverting to my old profession. Putting me right back where I had started. I tried to push it away but it was hard. The stranger. The dog. It was driving me crazy. Crazy enough for me to end up in a stolen car, driving to the nearest city, hoping that I was just being ridiculous. The problem was that I was almost positive that I was right. Or, that _he_ was right.

"Okay." I said as I let Windsor out of the car. "The plan here is simple." I told him. "We're going to walk around and see what happens."

He just looked at me and seemed to puff himself up. I just smiled and ruffled his head before we started to move. The chances of just stumbling onto a job were slim to none. As common as the supernatural is, it still isn't everywhere. Not the bad kind anyway.

It was as if I had never stopped doing this. It came back so naturally that for a second I actually considered starting up again. But at the same time I had successfully given it up. Nothing had come looking for me. Nothing had happened since Dean had died. I had successfully begun living a normal life. It sucked. Every day feeling guilty that somewhere out there someone died because I wasn't doing my job anymore. Knowing that there was something I could have done to save them, only I had turned a blind eye to it.

I had no plan. This was simply an experimental trip to see what my dog could do. I wasn't expecting him to find anything. I made sure I didn't research the area before going out. I didn't _want _to find anything. But the more I told myself that, I actually hoped I would. Maybe it would be the shock I needed to get back into the game. To make myself hunt again. At the same time I was scared for my reaction. After witnessing Dean's death the supernatural seemed more menacing than ever.

The night started out with me being completely on edge. Being aware of everything around me. But then my mind started to drift to everything I should have been doing. Justifying it with the fact that I watched my fiancé get torn apart. My head was starting to hurt, throbbing with the fullness of it. Windsor was only a few feet in front of me. Pacing back and forth across the alley we were in.

I didn't even realize what was going on till there was a vicious snarl followed by loud barks. I paid attention just in time to get backhanded by a man that appeared from the shadows. I heard a loud yelp as I hit the alley wall, falling over trashcans. I went to stand only to get hit again. There was harsh barking and the man screamed. I quickly got to my feet and turned to see Windsor latched onto the man's arm. He swung his arm, throwing Windsor off of him. The nearest thing to me was a beer bottle. I picked it up, throwing it at him. It shattered against his arm but he came just as fast.

I was rusty on my hand to hand combat but I held my own. He threw a good punch. I ducked and aimed a shot at his kidney. He hunched over and I brought my knee up to meet him in the face making him fall backward. I turned to run but he grabbed my ankle. I fell, slamming to the ground on my stomach. He pulled me backward before yanking me from the ground, wiping me at the wall. Before I could get to my feet he was quick to give me several blows to my abdomen. He grabbed my shirt and continuously hit me until I couldn't see straight and the only thing I could taste was blood. I heard the faint sound of barking as I started to lose consciousness. The beating continued, I thought it would never end. Then the man flew backward. I looked at him momentarily before he darted down the alley, Windsor on his heels. I heard my dog's pads on the asphalt, returning to me, followed by steady footfalls. I couldn't keep my eyes open. My right was nearly swollen shut. It felt like several ribs were broken. My own breathing was the most prominent thing in my ears. Feeling arms beneath me, I was picked up off the ground. I forced my eyes to crack open, seeing the stranger from before. His face was just as focused. He looked down at me, meeting my eyes. That was the last thing I remembered.


	4. Alone

_**Chapter Four: Alone**_

The first thing I was aware of were just sounds. There was periodic traffic. The sound of the wind outside. Then sounds closer to me. Clinking glasses. A faint music. The most prominent sound was the turning of pages. My brows furrowed as I shifted my body. It felt normal. There was pressure on my legs. I cracked my eyes open just as the weight shifted and Windsor started to gently lick my face.

"It's okay." I told him. "I'm okay."

I turned my head to see the stranger sitting at my desk. He didn't look at me as I slowly sat up. Looking myself over I found that I was in one piece. Not a trace of what happened to me. Frowning hard I looked back at the stranger, realizing that he was paging through my journal.

"Hey!" I said rushing over to him, grabbing it. "That's personal."

"I'm sorry." He said looking at me. "It's very interesting."

"Who are you?" I asked him.

"A friend." He told me as he stood.

"That's not a name." I stated. He just looked at me. "You're not going to tell me are you?" He still remained silent. "What do you want with me?"

"Nothing." He said and walked to the door. "Just know…you're not as alone as you think you are."

I just looked at him for a moment, suddenly angry. "You don't know anything about me. I'm completely alone." I told him coldly.

"Only in your mind." He said and left.

I closed the door, locking it, before taking a long shower. I felt like something big had happened. Something that I was completely unaware of. He scared the shit out of me. I couldn't explain it. He knew something. I just had to figure out what it was.

* * *

><p><em>You're not as alone as you think you are.<em>

His words kept repeating in my head. But I felt alone. More alone now than I had for quite some time. Two weeks had gone by since I had last seen him. Didn't know where he went or if he was coming back. Not that I was horribly saddened by this, but I wanted to know who he was. No, I _needed_ to know who he was.

"You've been pretty quiet." Bruce commented.

"I know." I replied. "Just haven't had much to say."

"You've been preoccupied."

I looked at him and smiled. "You know, for a guy who looks like he used to run a gang, you're awfully observant."

He gave a short laugh. "I've heard that before." I just nodded at him. "The mics free." He told me.

"Your point?" I asked him with a raised brow.

"You've got a good voice." He said sweetly.

"Ha!" I said grinning at him.

"What, you don't think I hear you?" He asked. "You sing along with the jukebox. You hum to yourself all the time. And these walls are not as thick as you might think." He said with raised brows as he leaned toward me.

I felt my face flush. "Well, with all due respect, I don't want to."

"Oh, come on."

"It wouldn't be anything happy." I told him.

"I know."

"You know?" I asked.

"You went dark after your fiancé died. I get that. But you seem like you're healing." He said gently.

"Not really." I replied. "Just getting better at hiding it."

He nodded and didn't push. We went about our work. Working harder than I usually did, I was trying to forget about the stranger. Forget about what Bruce said. Just…forget.

As the night wore on my mind became more and more weighed down. Even Windsor couldn't turn my mind off. It was nearly bar close and Windsor was playing with a tennis ball. He was pretty good at keeping himself entertained. As mellow as he was, he was still young, prone to bursts of puppyhood. He was the loudest thing in the bar.

"It's awfully quiet." Bruce stated.

I sighed and looked at him. "You're being awfully persistent."

"I'm not saying you have to do it every day. I'm just saying it might help." He told me.

"I doubt that." I replied.

"Just one." He said and gave me his best pouted face.

If you've ever seen a big man like that pout it really is hard to say 'no' to. Glaring at him I went up to the machine. There were plenty of songs. Several of the classic rock songs appeared high on the list. But I couldn't do it. They reminded me far too much of Dean. Dean. Tears came to my eyes and I wasn't sure I wanted them to go away this time. I found something. Typing in the numbers and sitting on a stool in front of the mic. Soon the music started. I had to restart it twice before I actually built up the strength to open my mouth. There was a certain amount of twang to the song. It was more of a war story than anything else. But Dean had been a soldier. Just not the typical kind. Talking about marriage. About a life together. He died and she was left alone. In its own way, it was perfect. When the chorus came I shocked myself with how much soul I put into it. I understood what that girl was feeling. I knew where she went…

"_Baby, why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever. Now I'll never know. I can't even breathe." _I sang on the top of my lungs._ "It's like I'm looking from a distance. Standing in the background. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream."_

When the song was over tears stained my face and I could hardly catch my breath. I took a moment to gather myself before looking up. All eyes were on me. I felt my face flush and I quickly got off the stage. I walked behind the bar and Bruce was grinning at me.

"What?" I asked him.

"Nothing." He said. "Feel better?"

"Maybe a little."

"A bit of a release?" He asked.

"A bit." I replied.

He just nodded and kept working. I just sighed and shook my head as I started to clean the glasses.

"That was wonderful." A voice said that was becoming much too familiar.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"A drink." He replied.

"You've never drank before." I stated.

"Perhaps some water." He told me.

"Oh, God." I said and rolled my eyes. "I'm done with your games. Who the hell are you?"

There was a long pause before he finally said, "Castiel."

"And what do you want with me?"

"To help you." He replied.

"Why do you think I need help?"

"Because it's written all over your face." He replied.

I just looked at him nodding, "You might be right. But how would you be able to help me?"

"In any way I can." He replied.

I just looked at him. There was no lie in his eyes. "Thank you." I said softly.

"You're welcome." He said kindly. "What do you call yourself?"

"Hailey."

"Interesting." He replied.

"It's a pretty common name." I told him, feeling the need to defend my fake name.

"Yes." He replied matter-of-factly.

"Okay." I said and continued working.

He didn't mention helping me again. He simply sat and watched as I worked. Windsor was out of character as he sat at Castiel's side. He was almost statuesque. His eyes moved and he occasionally moved his head but otherwise he was as still as stone.

"We're closing now." I told him.

"May I come again?" He asked.

"I can't stop you." I told him with a small smile. He nodded and turned to leave. "Castiel?" I said and he turned and looked at me. "Thank you. For saving me."

"You're welcome." He said and left.

I watched him go. Happy to at least have found out his name. I was wiping down the bar when Bruce came up to me with a pleased grin on his face.

"Do I dare ask?" I frowned at him.

"See? You sing a song and gain a guy." He grinned at me.

"I don't need a guy." I stated.

"He's been here several times."

"I know." I told him and called my dog.

We retreated to our room and got ready for bed. I had made a connection with another human being and yet…I still felt alone. It felt good to connect with someone again. To feel less hollow inside. But it would never fill the void in my chest. There was still only one person I wanted.

* * *

><p>The moon was still high when I shot awake from my latest nightmare. More whispering filling the room. It had become calming, even though I couldn't make out what it was saying. I ran my fingers through my sweat drenched hair. Windsor let out a low whine next to me. I stroked his head, rubbing his ear, before lying back down.<p>

The nightmares…they were always the same. Dean was always getting torn apart. He was always dying. Cass made an appearance or two, just standing there, watching it all happen. But their main focus was always on Dean. I couldn't sleep anymore. I got up and took a shower, washing the dream off of my body.

Windsor waited patiently as I got dressed but wagged his tail eagerly to go outside. Since the bar was around five miles out of town, the night was quiet. There was a small wood that lay behind it. Windsor made his way toward them, happy to do his business. I sighed, waiting for him. He was gone only a few minutes when he let out a bark and I saw him came racing from the woods. He circled around me before stepping in front of me. His hackles were raised and his lips were quivering, the white of his teeth showing periodically. His ears were back. I knew there was danger near but I couldn't see anything through the dark. My eyes darted along the tree line but I couldn't see what danger he was trying to alert me too. I took a step back but he whirled around letting loose a series of barks before appearing to look in every direction.

"Windsor, you are really starting to freak me out." I told him quietly.

His growling was starting to intensify. I turned to run back to the bar but ran into a well-toned chest. I looked up at the man who now had my arms. A second layer of teeth descended from his gums.

"Oh, crap." I said and pulled free.

"We've been looking for you." He told me.

"And why would you be looking for me?" I asked as I backed away.

Another man grabbed my arms from behind. He pressed himself against my back. He put his lips against my hair. Taking a long inhale of my scent he whispered, "Because you are Evy Connors."

"You've got the wrong girl." I told them. My eyes quickly moved to the shed behind the bar. There were tools in there. But getting to it would be a little on the difficult side.

"Oh, I don't think so." The first man told me.

Looking around I saw at least five of them. All were large men. There was no way I would be able to take them all on by myself.

"What makes you think I'm her?" I asked them.

"Because you're not screaming." The man who still held me told me viciously.

"Would that help?"

"It might." The first replied.

I opened my mouth as if to scream before slamming my elbow into the solar plexus of the man who held me. His arms loosened and I turned and thrust my palm up underneath his nose. Ducking in time, I dodged a swinging arm, but soon all of them were coming at me. I turned and fled toward the bar. As usual, I didn't make it that far. I was grabbed and thrown. I heard frantic barking as Windsor fought against two of the vampires that were trying to get a hold of him. I hadn't anticipated this and had no weapon on me. I had stopped carrying 24/7. This was the first time anyone had come looking for me. They were the first to call me by name.

I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder as he tried to place his teeth into my neck. I struggled against him. I managed to crawl forward, kicking him in the face. Getting to my feet I turned and grabbed the head of the vampire as he came at me. I braced myself before snapping his neck. It wouldn't kill him but it would slow him down. Hearing a yelp, I turned and ran toward my dog. They got a hold of him. I saw a knife at the waist of the vampire in front of me. His back faced me. Grabbing it, I stabbed him in the side. He turned and attempted to backhand me. I ducked underneath his arm as I shifted the blade against my forearm, bringing it across his throat as he exposed it to me. He stumbled back, gurgling on his own blood. I turned to take care of the other but was hit. I tasted blood as the ground came up to meet me. I was tossed around like a rag doll. Being bitten by every vampire I was thrown to.

"You taste just like I remember." A female vampire told me. She had come out of nowhere.

"You were in Colorado." I stated.

"Yes." She grinned. "We should have drained you then, but I wouldn't have gotten this pleasure all over again."

She jerked my head backward by my hair. Sinking her teeth into my neck as the others came forward. Hearing a snap, I heard the clink as my pentagram hit the ground…so much for protection. I felt a mouth caressing either thigh before pain seared in my legs. There was so much pain. It intensified before dulled to a throb as they sucked the life out of me. I heard a whine, moving my eyes to see Windsor crawling along the ground toward me. He was clearly hurt, putting most of his weight on his left side. I frowned, starting to feel weak.

My eyes drifted to the sky. The stars were bright tonight. For a moment I was lost in them. Knowing what lay beyond them. Knowing what I would be going to. Then the whine hit my ears again. I rolled my eyes down at the head that was at my neck. Her hair was wrapped in a bun, put in place with bobby pins.

An idea struck me and I ripped my arm away from the vampire sucking my wrist, my skin tearing, and tore out a bobby pin, jamming it into her jugular vein, twisting and turning it till the blood started to spurt all over my hand. She pulled back, screaming. I yanked my other arm away from the teeth that were sunk into it, feeling my skin tear again, before pulling the vampires off my thighs. I managed to retreat a few feet, turning to see three of them still standing, blood dripping down their faces. The shed was just a few yards away. It stood between me…and them. Windsor let out a chattering whiny bark. Everyone looked at him and, with energy I didn't think he had, he lunged at the vampires. In the same moment I darted to shed. It was always locked, I knew that. When I reached it I slammed my elbow through the window, feeling the glass pierce my skin. I threw myself through the window just as a hand brushed my ankle. I fell on the saw horses, sending pain through my side. I stumbled forward, grabbing a long saw on the wall, turning just in time to see a vampire barrel through the window. Another one broke through the door.

"Please, just let me go." I told them, feigning fear and weakness.

"Since you're boy died, I think you've gotten soft." One told me.

"Almost not worth it." The other agreed.

"I'm still waiting for the real Evy to come out."

Okay, they were making me angry now.

"Good thing that Winchester boy isn't here to see her like this."

"He's probably happy he's in Hell. He won't have to deal with this one anymore."

Okay, I'd had enough. I dropped the saw and rushed forward, punching one before turning and elbowing the other. I stomped on one foot, elbowing him in the face, before swiping the legs out from under the other. I rolled, grabbing the saw. I turned and met one of them in the throat with it. I forced him to the ground and took off his head. The other looked at me before turning to the door and retreated. I thought about going after him but I just didn't have the energy.

I waited a few minutes before daring to go outside. They were gone. All of them were. I had only succeeded in killing one, but I wounded many. My name would hopefully still strike fear in the hearts of the supernatural. Windsor limped over to me, leaning against my leg.

"Well, we did it." I said petting him. "And we did it alone." I couldn't help the small smile that crossed my face.

Walking slowly, I made my way back to the bar. I stumbled a few times but made it there in one piece. I staggered through the back door, trying to leave as little blood behind as I could. When I pushed the door open Cass was standing in the center of it.

"Cass…" I said looking at him.

"You're wounded." He stated.

"Yes, very." I replied limping to the bathroom, my thighs were killing me.

"Let me help you." He said and waited for me to reply.

I just looked at him before nodding. He stepped forward and helped me into the bathroom. It felt odd and I was extremely uncomfortable, but I needed the help. I couldn't take care of myself on my own. He was gentle as he cleaned the blood and bandaged my wounds. When it came time for my thighs I protested but he simply moved my hands and helped me from my pants. He didn't focus on anything other than the task at hand. As I watched him work, trying to keep myself from yelling out, I couldn't help but study him. He was an attractive man. A _very_ attractive man. To have him this close to me was terrifying. I was shaking, only it wasn't just because of the blood loss or the shock. I hadn't been this close to anyone for months. But he was focused, as usual, and once he was done he helped me into my sweats and helped me to bed. I laid down, the bed felt wonderful. I didn't say a word to him and he didn't say anything to me. He simply walked to the desk and sat in the chair. He just watched me and soon I fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.


	5. Newly Terrifying

_**Chapter Five: Newly Terrifying**_

The sun came shining through my window, striking my face. I smiled to myself. I had actually slept peacefully through the night. Waking for nothing. It felt wonderful. Stretching, I opened my eyes before shooting up.

"Cass…" I complained as I fell back against the pillows. "You have to stop doing that."

"Sorry." He replied without looking at me. "These are interesting."

Frowning, I got out of bed and groggily walked to the desk and tore my drawings out of his hands.

"Why do you do that?" He asked.

"Because they are none of your business." I replied, putting them in the closet before crawling back into bed.

"You care deeply for those people. There is much pain." He said sadly.

"Yes." I said pulling a pillow to me, hugging it.

"I'm sorry for your pain." He told me softly.

His eyes met mine. He was so honest. There was something about him that was drawing me to him. There was something there. I didn't want to feel for him. I wasn't done feeling for Dean. I hadn't given up yet. But I was lonely. I was just so lonely…

Blinking, I pushed the feeling aside and changed the subject. "How do you get in here all the time? I swear I lock the door every night."

"Yes." He confirmed.

Frowning I looked at him. "What?"

"You do lock the door every night." He told me.

"Thank you for stating the obvious." I replied and shut my eyes. I didn't open them until I felt him sit on the bed. When I looked at him he was looking out the window. There was an odd look on his face. Sad. "What is it?" I asked him.

"I must go." He told me.

"Okay, I'll see you later." I replied.

"I will not be coming back." He stated.

"What?" I frowned raising myself up onto my elbow.

It was a shock. It had been over a month since he had finally told me his name. I had seen him every day since. No matter how long or short the visit he still stopped by every day. He never told me where he went or what he did. But I wasn't exactly forthcoming myself so I had nothing to say about it. I had gotten used to having him around. I even laughed again. I hadn't realized how much I had missed small talk. Just talking about everyday things that didn't matter but did all at the same time. To slowly leak who I really was. To finally put trust in someone. To want to trust again.

It might have helped that he was an unusual man. He was intriguing. Half the things I said I swear he didn't understand. Which is probably where the humor came in. It probably wasn't the nicest thing in the world. He never seemed to find it funny. He usually kept his focused look, though a smile or two came around once or twice. He had never hinted at leaving. I assumed he lived around here somewhere. Even though he wore the same thing all the time. Had the same attitude. I was more shocked then maybe I should've been. But I'd lost so much in my life. It felt like I was losing someone else. Even though he hadn't been around very long.

"Why?" I asked him.

"There's something I have to do." He replied.

"What kind of something?" I asked sitting up. I was barely touching his back with my arm.

Looking over his shoulder he stared at the wall, a distant look came to his eyes. "I can't tell you that."

I sighed and frowned at him. "Why did you come here?" I asked. "Why did you come here and appear to try and get close to me. I don't know what you want with me. You said you wanted to help. You have been." I told him. "I sleep through the night. I laughed for the first time in months. I feel _better_ when you're around. And now you're leaving?"

"That…is why I must leave." He said and looked at me. His eyes were sad, his brows furrowed.

"Cass…" I said putting my hand on his arm. "You don't understand what it's like letting someone even remotely close to me."

"You've lost a lot." He said softly.

"And I thought I was gaining something. You're the one who kept showing up and now you're just gonna leave." I said and dropped my hand, just as he looked to be reaching for it. "I have a feeling I can't stop you." I said getting up and crossing my arms before facing him again. "Will I see you again?"

"Yes." He said and stood. I nodded and he made his way to the door.

"Wait." I said quickly. He turned to me. I moved to him, putting my arms around his neck. It took him a moment but his arms moved around me. It was awkward and only lasted a moment. "Bye." I said releasing him.

"Goodbye." He said and left the room quickly.

The feelings coursing through me were unexpected. But I wanted them. I wanted to feel like that again. Dean was gone. I tried and failed at bringing him back. I was still going to try. But these feelings felt so good. Yet so bad all at the same time. It didn't matter now anyway. Cass was gone. I had no idea where he was going or when I would seem him again. As I stared at the door, Dean's words came to my mind. _I want you to be happy._ But that's what you're supposed to say when you're dying. But I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. _As happy as you can be after I'm gone._ He asked it of me so I was going to try. There was a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel. Or so I thought. But the man I was going to try and move on with…his back just walked out the door. Windsor was sitting at the door, letting out a whine periodically. I just stood there and stared at the door with him.

"He's not coming back." I finally told the dog and he turned and jumped up on the bed, laying his head on a pillow. Sighing, I did the same, facing him. "I'm gonna miss him too." I told him, stroking his body. "But we'll be okay. We can handle being alone."

* * *

><p><em>Playground school bell rings again<em>

_Rain clouds come to play again_

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello, I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to_

_Hello_

_If I smile and don't believe_

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken_

_Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry_

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

_Hello, I'm still here_

_All that's left of yesterday_

I stepped off the stage under the scrutiny of all the eyes in the bar. I just smiled and went behind the counter and poured myself a shot.

"Don't you think you could've tried to sing something happy?" Bruce whispered to me as whispers filled the bar.

"You go sing something happy." I glared at him. "Besides, the depression will make them buy more drinks."

"You said you didn't need a guy." He glared back.

"Well, I forgot what it felt like." I admitted quietly.

"You were actually starting to perk up. He's been gone a week. Now we have the depressed Hailey back."

"Get used to it."

"I mean, even the dog is depressed." He stated and looked at the dog who dramatically heaved a heavy sigh.

"Bruce, let it go." I told him.

"No." He glared at me.

"Wow, aren't we hormonal today." I glared back.

"You need to get over it." He replied.

"You watch your fiancé get murdered and then we'll see how long it takes you to get over it. Then find a guy that might, just _might,_ make everything better. But no, you watch his back as he leaves without any intention of coming back. After all that you tell me how long it should take to get over it. Because I'm barely over three months. Does that sound long enough to you?" I shot at him. He just looked at me. "Didn't think so." I said before walking away.

I went out the back sitting against the building. Windsor wandered away, happy to smell the scents of the night. Sighing, I shut my eyes, gently hitting the back of my head against the wall at a steady rhythm. My hands traced the healing wounds from the vampires. They were healing at an exceptional rate. They always seemed to when Cass was around. His face flashed behind my eyes. Windsor came and sat at my side. I stroked him, giving him the best smile I could. We had a lot of time ahead of us. We'd be alright yet.

* * *

><p>Another week had gone by. Life as I knew it had grown bland. Same shit, different day. Windsor and I had fallen into a melancholy. I wished it wasn't so. It sucked. I hated feeling like that. But it just seemed to be a veil I just couldn't quite push through. I was just about to start helping Bruce with the opening routine when I stopped dead in my tracks.<p>

"I'm looking for this woman. Have you seen her?" An officer was asking Bruce. "Her name is Evy Connors."

Bruce took the photo, with a slight frown on his face, before handing it back. "Nope, can't say that I have. There are a lot of pretty girls like that coming and going. What makes you think she's here anyway?"

"It was an anonymous tip." He said putting the picture back in his jacket.

"Rick, what the hell are you doing here?" I whispered to myself.

"Is she important to you?" Bruce asked him.

"That's really beside the point." Rick told him.

"Is that a 'yes'?" Bruce asked.

"She's a friend. One that has disappeared. All I want to do is find her."

"Maybe she doesn't want to be found." He replied.

"Maybe. All the more reason to find her. She doesn't have to do this alone." Rick replied. Bruce remained silent. "Here's my card. If you see her call me right away." He told my friend before turning and leaving the bar.

"What was that about?" I asked Bruce once I was sure he was gone.

"You've been holding out on me." He stated coldly.

"I didn't have a choice. Believe it or not I'm protecting you." I told him.

"So, _Hailey_, you're not even going to try and deny it?" He frowned at me.

"I'm sorry, Bruce." I told him sadly.

"Are you really this…Evy Connors?"

"Yes."

"Why'd you lie?" He asked.

"Because what I'm running from is too dangerous for you to know about." I told him. "And now that they have come looking for me I'm gonna have to leave."

He just looked at me. "No."

"Yes." I told him. "I don't have a choice."

"Hail—I mean, Evy. Whatever. You can't just leave." He protested.

"I've overstayed my welcome. Windsor and I will be out by morning." I told him. "It's just the way it is." Turning, I walked away from him. I went to my room and started to pack when there was a loud bang. Rushing back out into the other room I saw the vampires from before. "You again." I shot at them.

"Evy." The leader grinned at me.

"I'm pretty sure I ran you out of here." I frowned.

"You did. But it was only ever temporary. Did you honestly think we wouldn't come back?"

"Did I kill your brother or something?" I said crossing my arms.

"As a matter of fact you did." He told me as his smile disappeared.

"Oops." I said as they all started toward me.

I started to move backward as Windsor stepped in front of me protectively. I brought my hands up, ready to defend myself. I was about to throw a punch when one screamed as its head was severed. The other two were taken out just after the other. As their bodies fell to the floor, Cass stood behind them with a machete type knife in his hand.

"Cass!" I said as I rushed to him, throwing my arms around his neck.

"I was told they were coming for you." He told me.

"From who?" I asked. "Never mind." I said as I took his head in my hands. "You came back."

"You were in danger."

"What the hell just happened?" Bruce yelled at us.

"That was proof of what I was just trying to tell you." I told him.

"Hailey, I swear…" He said glaring at me with new anger.

"I'll explain. I promise. I just - I need to talk to him." I said and pulled Cass into my room. "Who told you I was in danger?"

"I sensed it." He told me.

"You what?" I frowned at him. "And how did you know what to do? You know what they were, right?"

"Yes." He said taking my hands. "Let me explain."

"Not yet." I told him, quickly taking his head in my hands, knowing that once he did he'd leave again. "I don't want you to yet. I'm just so happy you're here."

He just looked at me. I brought my face closer to his, gently kissing his lips. For a moment he just stood there, as stiff as ever. I kissed him again. He acted like he had never done this before. I whispered that it was okay. He didn't say anything and he didn't fight me. He seemed very nervous. I was nervous. I didn't know what I was doing. Where this was all coming from. All I knew was that I wanted him and wanted him now. He had come back for me and that was all that mattered.

I slowly pushed his trench coat off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. He didn't stop me as I pulled off his shirt. My hands sliding down his chest. I took my own off. He took me in, his hands moving to my sides. His hands were warm and felt nice against my skin. I moved against him, taking his head in my hands, kissing him passionately. I pulled him backward, crawling onto the bed, pulling him with me. I reached for his pants, pulling them off before my own. He was silent, looking at everything as if it were the first time. I was patient and gentle as I seduced him, still unsure of what I was doing but wanting him so badly. Feeling so much. Missing the feelings that were moving through me. Wanting it more than anything.

It had been gentle. He was gentle. Gentle and unfamiliar. It was new and felt more amazing then I had expected. By the third time he was comfortable but still seemed to retain his focused demeanor. It ended too soon. I could have enjoyed this for hours and more. But, at some point, it had to end. Everything did. When we laid there facing each other, he held the same focused look on his face, even when his fingers were tracing the lines of mine.

"What are you thinking?" I smiled at him.

"That I should not be with you." He replied.

I frowned but put my hand on his face, gently rubbing his cheek with my thumb. "You're probably right." I told him. "But it felt good, didn't it?"

"Yes." He replied.

"And you feel for me?" I asked.

"Yes." He said sadly.

"So why is it so wrong?" I frowned at him.

He just frowned harder and kissed me. Our tongues touching. It felt so good. I had missed being with someone. Sharing my bed. My life. He looked troubled. I ran my thumb across his bottom lip, leaning in, giving him a long kiss.

"I'm happy you came back." I told him.

"I must go." Was his reply. He got out of bed and started to dress.

"What?" I frowned getting up, pulling the sheet with me.

"I can't stay." He told me.

"Cass." I said shortly. "You come back, we do…_that_! And now you're just going to leave?"

"I'm sorry." He said taking my face in his hands.

"Stay." I said grabbing his shirt. "Please."

"I can't." He said gently stroking my hair. "And I have to tell you…" He said pausing before he took a step away from me. I still held tight to his shirt. "I know who you are…Evy."

My hand fell away and I just stared at him. "How?"

"I'm not what you think I am." He stated.

"Then what are you?" I frowned.

He pulled himself straight. "An angel of the Lord." He replied.

I just looked at him before laughing. I started to pace the room with my hand on my forehead. I stopped and looked at him. "That's not possible."

"Why not?" He asked.

"We've never heard of angels existing. There's no proof." I replied.

"I'm standing before you." He said holding his hands out.

"I…" I started but didn't know what to say.

"How do you think your wounds miraculously healed? How do you explain me being here one second and gone the next?" He questioned, a deep frown on his face.

"So, you being here wasn't a coincidence." I stated.

"No."

"You were watching me."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you are a part of something bigger then you know." He replied.

"Right." I said continuing my pacing.

"But…my feelings-"

"Don't!" I yelled, pointing my finger at him. "Don't. You. Dare." I told him slowly. I just looked at him before going to the door, opening it. "Get out." I told him.

"What?" He frowned.

"I don't know how you know me. At this point I don't care. I just want you to get out." I told him.

"Evy, please." He said softly.

"Don't." I said averting my eyes from his. "Get out." I repeated.

"I can help you. I am going to help you." He told me.

"With what?" I frowned. "You lied to me. You've just hurt me. How are you going to help me now?"

He nodded, walking to the door. "I can help you with what you've been searching for. Just give me time." He told me as he stepped out of the room, turning back to me.

"And what have I been searching for?" I asked him.

"A way to save Dean." He stated.

"How do you even-. You know what? No. Don't do that." I said shaking my head at him. "Don't you bring him into this. You didn't know him and you don't know me."

"I've been here. I know you." He told me, taking a cautious step back into the room. "You know me better than you think you do."

"It doesn't matter." I said shaking my head. "You should have come clean long before now." I said as tears filled my eyes. "You knew who I was but you still allowed me to believe that—" I said but stopped. Looking at him I sighed, putting my hand on his chest. I felt a wave of relief go through him. I shook my head and pushed him out of the room. "No, Cass. Goodbye."

"I can help you." He repeated.

I leaned toward him, "I don't want your help."

I slowly shut the door in his face. Catching a last glimpse of him before he was out of site. Angels weren't real. He was laughing at me. How he knew my name was a mystery. Normally I would've questioned him. But I had just given him all of me. Guilt suddenly filled me. I didn't wait long enough. I had just disgraced Dean. Tears came to my eyes and I went into the bathroom, slamming the door, sliding down to the floor. The tears came faster than I had thought possible at this point. Windsor was whining on the other side. I yelled at him to shut up. He let out a low long note, making me feel even guiltier. I pulled the sheet tighter against me, burying my face in it to stifle the sobs. I had reached a new low and I didn't have any of the answers I needed. But I would figure it out. All I knew for sure was that it was time to go. Immediately.


	6. Travel

_**Chapter Six: Travel**_

The crickets were chirping as I struggled with the wires. I wasn't focused. My mind was so full I swore it was about to explode. I practically cried when the engine finally sputtered to life. Windsor whined in the seat next to me. I stroked him before putting the car into drive. I had barely hit the gas when I was forced to slam on the brakes. I frowned, sighing as I got out of the car.

"Bruce, what are you doing?" I asked him.

"You don't have to go." He told me.

"More will come looking for me. I've been here too long. I need to go." I replied, my voice cracking.

"You don't have to go, Evy." He told me.

"Yes, I do." I stated with a sad smile.

"Please." He said.

I walked up to him, crossing my arms. "You don't need me here. I have to go. It's just the way it is." He just looked at me before nodding. I smiled and put my hand on his arm. "You'll be fine. I'll send you a postcard every once in a while."

"You do that." He smiled and pulled me into a hug.

I hugged him back before pulling away. "I have to go." He nodded again. "Take care of yourself."

"You too."

Nodding, I got back into the car and drove away, destination unknown.

* * *

><p>It was amazing at how fast I was able to jump right back into the game. I wanted revenge. The vampires were already gone but there were so many other things to kill. I was angry. I was hurt. I was guilty. There was such a range of emotions flowing through me I couldn't pick one to start with. Which one to feed first…<p>

The rain was coming down in thick sheets. The thunder and lightning loud in my ears. There was a heavy scent of iron in the air. My wounds weren't severe but with the rain they weren't stopping as fast as I had hoped.

My quick pace made a clattering echo bounce off the walls of the alley. I was in pursuit for a short while before the hunter became the hunted. I slid into the wall of a connecting alley, quickly pushing myself off of it, setting off, once again, at top speed. Windsor was hidden. Even I wasn't sure where he was. I rounded another corner, hearing the scrapping and low growl of my pursuer. It was getting closer. I had already killed the two it was with. Now it was seeking me in the same way I was seeking it. Skidding to a stop, I quieted my breathing, listening for movement. I could hear it. It wasn't far now. It was so close I could practically smell its wet dog odor.

Then it was on top of me. I felt the claws scrap along my back. I fell forward as the pain buckled my knees. I looked over my shoulder as another snarl filled the air. Windsor charged forth, grabbing the creatures Achilles tendon. The werewolf howled in pain before I emptied a round of silver bullets into its chest.

Windsor came to my side. I smiled and stroked his head, "Good boy."

I drove back to my motel, happy to be in a dry place. After a long shower I assessed my condition. The slashes on my back were going to be tricky. The ones on my abdomen would be easier.

Finding what I needed in my bag, I took a swig of the whiskey before pouring it over the wounds. Taking the needle and thread, I sewed the sections of the wounds that needed it before bandaging the rest. But my back was actively bleeding. I frowned at myself in the mirror. It was time to get myself checked out. Blame it on…something. I wrapped the slashes as best I could before slipping a button-up on. I was midway through buttoning it up, walking into the other room, when I stopped dead in my tracks.

"What are you doing here?" I asked coldly.

"You're hurt." He stated.

"Thanks, Cass, I wasn't aware of that." I told him sarcastically.

He stepped up to me, his fingers touching my forehead. All the pain in my body was gone. I didn't allow anything to cross my face. I knew what he had done.

"I'll ask again. What are you doing here?" I said and took several steps away from him.

"Evelyn, please." He said in his usual monotone voice.

"Cass, I don't want you here. Please leave."

"Are you still angry about what happened?" He asked as if confused.

A deep frown set on my face. "Get out, Cass." I shot at him as I finished buttoning up my shirt.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"What do you want from me?" I asked him, tears filling my eyes. "Just tell me what you want."

"I…can't answer that." He replied.

"Why the hell not?" I asked, my arms dropping to my sides. "I am confused by you. I don't know what or who you are."

"I told you what I am." He replied, his posture as stiff as ever. "And you know who I am."

"No, I don't. You're not human." I stated, still unwilling to believe it was true. He didn't say anything. I put the hardened look on my face. "I'm busy, Cass. I have work to do."

"Yes." Was his only reply.

I nodded and returned to the bathroom. He was gone. I knew he was. I closed my eyes, our night together flashing behind my lids. I quickly took my shirt off and the bandages I had placed. My skin looked like it had never been damaged. Every wound was closed, not even a scar as proof that they were there.

"Fine." I told my reflection. "So he's an angel. Big fucking deal."

I wished it didn't matter. I wished that I didn't care. But I did. I cared more than I could say. I was fascinated. Curious to know what else he could do. It explained the coming and going. The knowing I was in trouble and appearing out of nowhere. It explained a lot of things. It also made me realize that maybe he was right. Maybe he could help me bring Dean back from the dead. But what would I say to him if we succeeded? Would I tell him that I was unfaithful? Yes, he was dead. Yes, he had told me to move on. But I had never intended to do it. I never intended on moving on. I would love him and only him until the day I died. But now there was someone else. A weasel. Weaseling its way into my heart. Only this hurt. It wasn't supposed to be there. It was foreign and yet it felt so good. But I was Dean's and he was mine. He would understand. When he gets back he would understand.

* * *

><p>The message had been vague. But I was obligated to go. He had helped me so now, in turn, I would help him. He had left the message as if talking to someone who was dead. He had no idea where I was. No idea what I was doing. He had looked for me. So, I would show up. Show up and help with his simple little problem.<p>

"I looked everywhere for you!" He shot at me.

"Rick-" I said trying to explain.

"You could've called, just once. Especially when I was just a few feet from you." He continued to yell at me. "Bruce called and filled me in."

"What?" I frowned. "Wait, wait, wait. What?"

"He was worried. And if you're worried, who better to call, then a cop?"

"Uh-huh." I said rubbing my brow.

"He hadn't heard from you since you took off. Was worried you'd been killed or something. Don't know where he got that idea." He told me coldly.

"Your sarcasm is refreshing." I told him.

"Are you going to explain?" He asked.

"Sure." I replied. "I watched Dean get killed. I went into hiding. I didn't want to hunt the supernatural anymore. I just wanted to live with my grief and find a way to get him back. But it could never last. A group of vampires found me. Nearly killed me. I killed one of them. They came back to finish me off. They were stopped. But it was time to move on."

"Wasn't that the same night I showed up?" He asked.

"Yes."

"That was almost a month ago. Where have you been?"

"Hunting."

"Just like that?"

"It's the only thing I'm good at."

"The only thing?" He asked.

"Other than sex, yes." I told him and smirked.

"Very funny." He glared at me.

"Rick, I'm sorry." I told him sadly. "But I'm here now. I'm here to help."

"So you got my messages." He stated.

"I did. All thirteen of them."

"And?"

"It looks like your typical vengeful spirit." I replied.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, we find some bones and burn them. End of story." I told him. "Has anyone recognized the spirit yet?"

"Yeah. Morgan Gallagher." He replied dropping into a chair.

"Did all that yelling wear you out?" I smirked at him.

"Shut up. This thing has been killing people. I've been a little busy."

"Sure. Sure." I said sitting across from him. Windsor dropped his head in my lap. I stroked his head. "Ready to go?"

It was as simple as I said it was. Even though Rick made a small ER trip after it all went down. She killed with knives and he got in the way while I was burning the bones. It was superficial but a long laceration tends to bleed a lot. I could've patched him up myself but he wanted to get it professionally looked at.

"You're being a baby." I told him as he winced. We were waiting for him to be bandaged up.

"You do better." He frowned at me.

"Oh, I have." I told him. "Try stab wounds, gun shots, drowning, fires, bites -"

"Okay. Okay, I get it." He said stopping me. I just smiled at him.

"So, this was fun, but I have to get going." I told him and stood.

"What?" He frowned. "You just got here."

"What do you want me to do? Hang out for a while? I don't do that. There's another job out there that I can be working on." I told him.

"Like getting Dean back?" He asked.

"There is one person that I haven't thought of yet. Don't know why either. But it's a shot." I replied.

"Be careful." He told me seriously.

"You too." I said and kissed his cheek before leaving.

* * *

><p>I was kicking myself for not thinking of her before. Of all the supernatural beings I had met so far she was the most likely to help me. Turns out she was the one person I had forgotten. The only problem was that I had no idea where she was. Finding a secluded spot in the middle of nowhere, I took my journal out to try to find some sort of way to summon her. There was nothing.<p>

"Come on, there has to be something." I said flipping through the pages. "Where are you Annabelle?"

"You don't need her."

I jumped out of my skin, flying against the door. Cass sat in the passenger seat. He turned his head and looked at me.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I yelled as loud as I could, hitting his chest.

"Does that make you feel better?" He asked.

"No." I said and put my head against the steering wheel. Tears were brimming in my eyes.

"You don't need to find the witch." He told me again.

"Why not?" I asked him.

"Because I need to take you somewhere. I need to show you something." He told me.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I told him, still not looking at him.

"I'm begging you to do this."

"Why?" I asked finally looking at him.

"I've done something."

"Done what?" I asked him, frowning.

"I need to show you." He told me.

"I don't trust you." I replied.

"I know." He said sadly. "But I need you to do this. You need to see."

He held his hand out to me. All of me was telling me not to do it. Not to touch him. Not to let him show me whatever it was.

"I'm scared, Cass." I told him sadly. Showing real emotion for the first time. "I'm so scared. All the time." Tears slid down my cheeks. He frowned before slowly putting his hand on my face, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I shut my eyes, my heart sputtering at his touch. I took a deep breath before meeting his eyes. "Show me."

He nodded and the next thing I knew I was standing at a broken down gas station. The sun was starting to set. The windows were shattered. It looked like it had been deserted for quite some time. Long enough that someone had raided through it.

"What is this? Where are we?" I asked Cass.

"Come." He said and started down the dirt road.

It took only a few minutes to see that something was ahead. The trees were flattened. It looked like a bomb had gone off. In the center of it the ground was broken open. A cross remained to mark the grave that was torn open.

"Cass…" I said looking at him. "I know where we are. But…I don't understand."

"You were there when he was buried. You watched Sam and Bobby lay his coffin in the ground." Cass stated.

"Yes." I told him. Tears started to fall down my cheeks. "Cass, please, I don't understand." I said going to him.

He looked at me, running the back of his fingers down my cheek, his thumb catching the tears. "After today I cannot be close with you." He told me.

There was something is his voice. Something in his eyes that touched me. It was like he was trying to open up. Like the words were there and were just about to spill out but he stopped them every time. It was like he wanted to confide in me. Like he wanted to tell me everything but something was holding him back. Something that was bigger than I could imagine. Sighing, trying to keep it together, I reached up and gently moved my fingers through his hair at his temple. He shut his eyes as I repeated it over and over again.

"Cass, please just tell me what's going on." I said putting my hand in his, taking it from my face.

"I'll take you there." He told me sadly.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked him. I was so confused. "What happened here?"

He just looked at me before running his fingers down my face, along my neck, before resting his fingertips against my chest. "_I_ happened here."

"What are you talking about?" I frowned at him.

"I did what I came here to do. I was never supposed to meet you." He confessed. "I was only supposed to watch. To lead you back."

"But you showed yourself anyway." I frowned at him. He just looked at me. "Why?"

"I had to know." He replied.

"Had to know what?" I asked.

"What it feels like." He said moving against me.

I stared up at him. This was too complicated. He was an angel. He already held a part of me. But I felt something change. I could see it in his eyes. I gripped the edges of his coat.

"And what does it feel like?" I asked softly.

"Amazing." He replied bringing his face down to mine.

Our eyes were locked as he gently kissed me. His kiss turned passionate as he pulled me tighter against him. I gripped his hair as our tongues fought for the space in the other's mouth. I couldn't help the shudder that moved through me. When our faces finally moved away from each other the sadness was even more evident in his eyes. Taking his face in my hands I gently kissed his eyelids. He took my face his in hands, putting my forehead against his.

"Cass –"

"Don't." He said running his fingers through my hair.

We just looked at each other before I finally had to get back to the point. "What did you come here to do?" He buried his face in my neck, wrapping his arms around me. Putting my arms around his neck I caressed the back of his head. The fear was back as I tried to figure out what all of this meant. "You never give anything away. You never tell me where you go or how you know things. Then you told me you were an angel. Even then I have never been afraid of you. I've never been afraid of anything when I'm with you. But right now…you're scaring me. Something is going on. Whatever it was that you did. It's scaring me."

He squeezed me tightly. "I'll take you there." He whispered. "I've already waited too long."

Before I knew it we were standing in the middle of a parking lot. It was pouring rain. I had no idea where we were. Cass stood in front of me. The constant sadness in his eyes stung more than it should have. He put his hand on my face. Running my hands down his chest I stepped against him. He rested his forehead against mine before slowly putting his lips to mine. It was a long, gentle kiss. It felt final. Like it would never happen again. Part of me knew it to be true. I put my hands on the sides of his face and kissed him deeply. I didn't want to let him go. He was going to disappear again. His hands fell away from me. His arms at his sides, he waited for me to release him. I nodded, running my fingers through his hair, and slowly lowered my hands, my fingers running down his chest. In the next second there was almost a yard of distance between us. I stood there, staring at him, the rain drenching me.

"Cass…please…" I said and moved to take a step toward him.

He held up his hand as he shifted as if to step away from me. "Room 13." He told me.

"Cass." I said shaking my head. He disappeared in front of my eyes. "Cass!" I yelled but he didn't come back. "CASS!"

Wrapping my arms around myself I stood there. Where did he go? Where was I? What was in room 13? I looked at the motel before walking underneath the awning. I hoped Windsor was okay. Cass had taken me from the car and left him there. I needed to find my dog. I needed to know where I was.


	7. Reunion

_**Chapter Seven: Reunion**_

I did as Cass had told me. Walking past the front desk, I walked along the line of doors until I found 13. The awning kept the rain off of me but it had already drenched me to the bone. I was shaking, but I couldn't tell if it was from the cold or from the unknown in the room in front of me. I was about to knock when something caught my eye. The Impala was parked in front of the room. Frowning, I quickly turned and knocked on the door, repeatedly. There was small commotion in the room before the door opened. For a moment I forgot how to breathe. My eyes went wide.

"Dean?" I finally managed.

He was standing in front of me. Perfectly intact. I put my hand out, placing it on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat. Behind him I could see Sam. He nodded at me.

"Dean." I said meeting his eyes.

In the next second he had me against him. I wrapped my arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. He put his hand on the back of my head, stroking my hair. I couldn't grip him tight enough. When I started to calm down I breathed him in. He smelled just like he always did. I finally leaned away from him, taking his face in my hands, taking a moment to just look at him. I leaned in and kissed him. He pulled me tightly against him as he kissed me passionately. His hands moved all over my body. The next thing I knew he was pulling me through the door. My shirt was off before I knew it. He had me on the bed in a second. I pulled his shirt off, my hands moving all along his perfectly toned chest. He was fully intact. His chest was beautiful and whole. I kissed it repeatedly as he slid his pants off. Scrambling out of the remainder of my clothes I couldn't get close enough to him. Even when we were as close as two people can get, I wanted to be closer. His lips tasted so good. His tongue danced with mine in a new rhythm. He was here. The man I loved. The man I couldn't live without was right here in front of me. He was with me again. I couldn't be happier. There was nothing in me that wanted to be anywhere other than right here.

We laid next to each other. Staring. I couldn't believe that he was here. That he was alive. Alive and well and _whole_. I couldn't ignore the memories of his death. But I could replace them with ones where he was alive. He was here. He was here…

"You're here." I whispered as I caressed his face.

"I'm here." He told me doing the same. He kissed me gently.

"How are you here?" I asked him.

"I was pulled out by…an angel." He told me.

"What?" I frowned. A pit falling in my stomach.

"I know. I didn't think they existed." He said and looked at his arm. "But that's how I got this."

I frowned when I noticed a hand print on his arm. "I didn't notice that before."

"Well, we were a little busy." He smiled and kissed me again.

"I can't believe you're here." I said tracing his lips with my finger. "I missed you so much. You have no idea."

"I have an idea." He said with his lips against mine.

"I'm sorry." I told him. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring you back. I tried." Tears filled my eyes.

"It's okay." He said wiping them away.

"No, it's not." I said shaking my head. "I tried everything. Every being I could track down. But no one would help me. Most just laughed when they realized my misery."

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"Don't say that." I replied. "Don't be sorry. No matter what happened here. You still had it worse there."

"Yeah." He said and looked away from me.

"Dean." I said putting my hand on his face, making him look at me. "You're here now. I'm with you. That's all that matters." I told him softly.

He nodded and kissed me. "Where were you? We tried to find you." He asked.

"I was in Illinois. Just a few hours away from where you were buried." I told him.

"That's where I thought you'd be but we searched most of the state. You weren't there." He told me with furrowed brows.

"I left little over a month ago. Some vampires came looking for me so I thought it was best if I left." I explained. "I had been staying at a bar."

"Yeah, with a Bruce, right?" He asked.

"Yeah." I replied. "I guess you found him."

"We did." He said running his fingers through my hair. "He was protecting you." He told me. "It took a lot of convincing to get him to open up. I told him who I was but he said I was dead. When I finally got him to say something he told me he didn't know where you were. He gave me Rick's card."

"Yeah. I was just with Rick not too long ago." I told him.

"I know. We went there next. He couldn't help any more than Bruce." He replied. "I'm just happy you found us." He said resting his forehead against mine.

"I didn't find you." I told him. "I met an angel myself. He brought me here."

"Who?" He asked.

"His name was Cass." I told him.

"No freaking way." He said and sat up.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Castiel?" He asked.

I frowned, "Yeah. Unless there's more than one."

"'Bout my height. Trench coat. Serious look."

"Yeah, that's Cass." I replied sitting up.

"He's the one who pulled me out of Hell." He said with a monotone. Not like Dean.

"Did he give you an explanation?"

"Just that God has work for me." He told me.

"God?" I repeated, frowning.

"Yeah."

"When did you first meet Cass?" I asked, pieces falling into place.

"A few weeks ago, why?" He frowned at me.

"You've been alive. I've been hunting. He knew and he didn't tell me." I frowned and looked at my hands.

"You've seen him?" He asked.

"I was with him all day. He took me to your gravesite. Tried to make me understand. I can tell you I don't. But he knew and he didn't tell me. He hasn't been around as much lately but still. He knew. He _knew_ how much you mean to me and he didn't say anything." I frowned harder looking up at him.

"I'll kill him." Dean said getting on the defensive.

"No, you won't." A pit falling in my stomach. Guilt was starting to creep in as I felt the need to protect the angel. "It doesn't even matter." I said pulling him onto the bed with me. "What he did was unbelievable." I said putting my arm around him. "You're back. You're with me. I'll never let you go again."

"I love you." He told me.

"I love you too." I said putting my hand on his face. "So much."

He kissed me passionately, lying me back down. He rolled on top of me. More talking could be left for later. Right now I felt like I was home. And home was where I was going to stay.

* * *

><p>Even with Dean lying next to me I still couldn't sleep. We spent most of the night talking. Sam had yet to come back. I didn't know where he went. It was sweet of him to give Dean and me some time alone. It was well worth it. I might be a little sore come morning but it was worth it. Leaving Dean asleep I stepped outside. The rain had stopped but the fresh scent of it still lingered in the air. I took a deep breath of it. As I stood there the lights started to flicker. There was only one reason why they would do that. My heart rate accelerated as I waited for whatever it was to show itself. When they stopped flickering I quickly looked around for the intruder. But there wasn't one. Cass stepped out of the shadows.<p>

"Cass." I said sadly.

"Evy." He replied in the same tone.

He seemed to want to keep his distance. I remembered what he told me. But he had given me the world's biggest gift. There was nothing that could top having Dean back from the dead. Tears came to my eyes and I rushed to him, throwing my arms around his neck. He put his arms around me but it felt just as much as a goodbye as it did before.

"Thank you." I told him. "Thank you so, so much."

"I didn't do it for you." He replied.

"I know." I said taking his head in my hands. "I know you didn't. But I thank you all the same."

"You have your fiancé back." He stated.

"I do." I told him. "And I can't thank you enough for that. I can't thank _God_ enough."

"It was his will." Cass told me.

He was trying to stay professional about this. He was keeping his distance. "I'm sorry." I said shaking my head at him. "I don't know what to do here. What to say to you."

"You don't have to say anything." He told me. His hands fell from my arms.

I dropped my hands from his head, nodding. "Um, I did want to ask you where Windsor was." I said awkwardly.

"I'll take you to him." He said and put his hand out toward me.

"I need to tell Dean." I told him.

"It will only take a few minutes." He replied.

"I can't leave without him knowing. If he wakes up and I'm gone he'll freak."

"Fine." Cass said on the cold side.

"Castiel." I turned to see Sam. "Do you know him?" He asked me.

"Yes." I replied.

"How?"

"I'll explain later." I said, running to him.

He caught me in his arms. "Where have you been?" He asked. "I've been looking for you for months."

"I've been hiding. I didn't want to face the world without him."

"I'm just as much your brother as I am his. You should have told me where you were." Sam said angrily.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry." I said gripping his shirt. "I didn't know what else to do. I had to get away. Cass found me. I didn't know who he was or _what_ he was. Not until he stopped seeing me."

He looked between Cass and me. "I'm glad you're safe." He said pulling me into another hug. "I love you."

"I love you too." I said as tears dampened his shirt. I gripped him tightly. I had missed him so much. "I'm sorry I didn't call. I just couldn't face you."

"It doesn't matter what happens. You can always come to me. I'll love you no matter what." He told me sweetly.

"I know. Same goes for you." I replied.

"That's if I know where you are." He smiled.

I laughed and kissed his cheek. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Evy." Cass said behind me.

I turned and looked at him. "I got another dog." I said turning back to Sam.

"What is it with you and dogs?" He grinned at me.

"They make good companions and they are much less complicated than men." I grinned back.

"Alright. Where is this dog?" He asked.

"Cass is going to take me to him. When he brought me here all my things were left in the car. I need to go back for them. Cass is going to help me with that disappearing act he does." I explained.

"Okay." Sam nodded.

"I'll be back in a little bit. If Dean wakes up –"

"I'll let him know where you went." He finished for me. "He's been going crazy without you. He couldn't find you. He went to Bobby's and he filled him in on what's been going on."

"I'm sorry." I told him again.

"It's okay. The first fight we got into was about you. Not knowing where you were." He said with a small smile.

"Again, sorry. It's not like I expected him to be pulled out of Hell by an angel."

"Stop saying 'sorry'." He told me. "None of this is your fault. I did the same thing. After Bobby and I buried Dean I left too. Only I continued hunting. You fell off the map."

"It was needed." I stated.

"I know." He said pulling me against him, placing a kiss on my forehead. "We're all together now. Everything will be okay."

I nodded against his chest before pulling away from him. "We better go. I'll be back soon." I told him and stepped next to Cass. He held out his hand. I took it, squeezing it tightly, giving him a small smile. "I'm ready."

In the blink of an eye we were back to the car he had taken me from. It was shocking to think of what had happened since I had left this stolen car holding all of my possessions. I walked to the car to see the door opened and the dog gone.

"You've got to be kidding me." I said as I scanned the trees. Everything was there except for the dog. "Windsor!" I called. "Here boy! WINDSOR! Damn it." I said and looked at Cass. "How did he get out?"

"He's a smart animal." He replied.

I sighed and shrugged at him. "Well, don't just stand there. Help me look for him."

He didn't say anything as he disappeared in the shadows of the forest. I sighed again and went the other direction. I started to move through the trees. The crescent moon shed little light, making it difficult to see.

"This is great. This is really frickin' great." I mumbled to myself as I stumbled over fallen branches and slipped on damp leaves. "Windsor!" I called. "Damn it dog, you better get your ass back here now!" I called into the silence.

I stopped to listen. I couldn't even hear Cass's steps as he made his way through the woods nearby. I was about to yell out for him when I turned around, coming face to face with him. It scared me, making me fling myself backward. My footing was lost and I fell backward, only to find myself tumbling downhill. I crash landed at the bottom, pain splitting through my side. I took a moment to calm myself before trying to get up. Pain seared through my body. I screamed before looking down. I had fallen onto the two foot long remains of an inch diameter tree.

"This is so _fucking_ _great_!" I yelled out.

"Evelyn." Cass said appearing at my side.

"Yes, please, just stand there." I told him coldly. He knelt at my side and attempted to pull it out. I screamed in pain. "No! No, don't! Please stop!" I said and tried to catch my breath.

"It needs to come out so I can heal you." He told me.

"It's still in the ground." I replied. "What are we gonna do?" He looked off in the distance before looking back down at me. He ran his hand across my hair and disappeared again. "Cass! CASS! Please don't leave me!" I yelled out for him. "Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." I said putting my hand on my forehead, taking a deep breath that caused my side to split with pain. "CASS!"

"I'm here." He said suddenly reappearing. Windsor was at his side.

"You damn dog." I said as he came to me. But I was smiling at him. "Good boy." I said as he licked my face. "Where was he?" I asked Cass, trying to ignore the pain.

"Ten miles down the road." He told me.

"What? How did you find him then?" I asked.

"Let's worry about you for the moment." He scowled at me.

"Fine. Let's worry about me." I told him. He stood over me, his eyes running up and down my body. "I can't see anything."

"I can." He said before squatting next to me. "I am going to have to lift you off of it." He told me matter-of-fact.

"What?!" I exclaimed.

"There will be pain." He told me as he started to put his arms underneath me.

"Cass!" I yelled, pushing his arms away. I shifted my weight and pain erupted. "STOP! Stop, stop, stop, please just stop." I demanded as I grabbed his arm.

He took my hand in his, squeezing it tightly. "You need to let me do this."

"I can't. It hurts." I told him as tears ran from the corners of my eyes.

He put his hand on my face. "Trust me."

I met his eyes. I nodded, "I trust you. But you better be quick."

He put his arms underneath me. I put my arm around his neck, my other ready to cover my wound. He looked at me. I nodded and then was screaming as he lifted me off of the ground and off of the wood that was skewering me. Once I was free of the stick, Cass quickly turned and laid me back on the ground. He simply touched me and the pain was gone. I took a deep breath and looked up at him.

"You'll be fine." He told me.

"Help me up." I replied. He pulled me to my feet. I just looked at him before putting my arms around him. "Thank you…again." I said and smiled at him. "It'd be nice having you around. This whole healing thing is awesome." I told him, trying to make light of the situation.

He gave me a small smile. "I'll…be around." He told me with that tone. The one where I wasn't sure if he even understood what I meant.

"Good." I smiled at him before stroking my dog. I could feel his eyes on me. When I looked up, mine met his and there was something there. I tried to ignore it. I didn't want to see it. Clearing my throat I averted my eyes.

"Let's get your things and go." He told me.

We went and grabbed all my things from my car, stuffing it all into my bag. Cass took it from me. He picked up Windsor and placed him in my arms. I frowned at him but didn't say anything. He picked up my bag and faced me. He put his fingers against my forehead and then we were back in front of the motel.

"It's about time." Dean said rushing from the room. "You went to get a dog?" He frowned at me.

"He was mine before tonight. I've had him for a few months." I said putting the dog down. "Dean, this is Windsor. Windsor, this is Dean." I said stroking the dog. He went forward and licked Dean's hand.

"What is it with you and dogs?" Dean asked.

"I like dogs." I frowned at him. "And you were dead. I needed something to be with me. A dog did the trick."

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"Good." I replied crossing my arms, looking at the ground.

He rubbed them as he tried to meet my eyes. "I was just worried is all." He said softly.

"You don't have to. I'm fine." I replied looking at him. "I was surviving all on my own while you were gone." There was a flicker of pain. I immediately felt guilty. "Besides, I had an angel with me." I smiled before kissing him.

"Come on." He said taking my bag from Cass. "Thanks." He told the angel before putting his arm around me.

"You go ahead, I'll be in in a sec." I told him.

"Okay." He said and walked back in.

"Thank you." I told Cass again.

"You are welcome." He told me.

"See you soon?" I asked.

"Yes." He replied.

I smiled and turned to the room. Pausing, turning to ask him if he wanted to come in, he was already gone. Sighing, I turned forward and walked into the room. Dean had put my bag aside and was sitting on the edge of the bed. I smiled and walked to him, running my fingers through his hair as I moved between his legs. He put his head back but his eyes were closed. I kissed his forehead, letting my lips linger against his skin.

"Come on, let's get some sleep." I told him softly.

He nodded and we changed before crawling into bed. It felt just like it always did. He was here. We were together again. Everything was as it should be. Sam was in the bed next to us. The Impala was parked outside. Tomorrow would be another day. A day brighter than any other. Dean was alive. But as happy as our reunion was, he had been to Hell and back. At some point we were going to have to deal with that.


	8. Home

_**Chapter Eight: Home**_

It was amazing how excited I was. It was almost ridiculous but made so much sense. The smooth feel of the metal. The sound of the engine revving. It was the Impala. Dean was in the driver's seat, me in the passenger, and Sam in the back with Windsor. The dog was facing Sam, just staring at him, only inches in between them.

"Is he always like this?" Sam asked.

"Nope." I smiled back at him. "He is just really interested in you."

"Perfect." He replied leaning away from the dog.

"Feels like home." I smiled at Dean.

"Now that you're here it does." He smiled and leaned over, kissing me.

I couldn't help but laugh. My face felt like it was going to split with happiness. After a few days in the motel room, we were finally on the move again. Only we were going to make a stop for my benefit. Bobby had requested we stop by. He had seen Dean. Now it was time for me to finally reappear to all the people I cared about. I felt bad for not having talked to him, but he understood.

"I don't understand you people!" Bobby shot at all of us.

So, I had lied. He didn't understand. It was a joyous reunion for about thirty seconds before be laid into me for not calling him. For not telling him where I was.

"I'm sorry! Bobby, I'm sorry." I told him, grabbing his shoulders, only to have him quickly shove them off. "Just calm down for a second."

"You die." He said jabbing his finger at Dean. "Then you two go and split on me." He said doing the same to me and Sam. "Don't you think I'd help you? Don't you think I care?"

He was breaking my heart. For a moment I just too there and looked at him with a sad expression. "I know you do, Bobby." I told him, pulling him into a hug. "I know."

"Then why leave? You left before he was even buried." He said hugging me tightly.

"You did?" Dean asked sadly with a frown.

Sighing, I released Bobby and went to Dean, taking his hand. "I was there. They just didn't know it." I told him. "I couldn't take it. I watched you get your chest shredded into ribbons. The blood. The smell. Trying to bring you back…" I said and felt myself trying to put distance between me and everyone else.

"Baby…" Dean said pulling me against him.

"I just couldn't take you being dead. So, yeah, I took off. But I didn't go far. I couldn't leave you like that." I told him gripping him tightly.

"So you let me and Bobby bury him while you watched?" Sam frowned at me. "You watched us grieve and just stayed away?"

"I'm sorry, Sammy." I said looking at him. "I was a mess. I was torturing myself. I couldn't be there."

"Evy, we're family. You should've been there with us." Sam said more calmly.

"I was there after. You wouldn't have wanted to see me. There was screaming and crying and…and…_digging_." I said shaking my head. "It wasn't pretty."

"And then what?" Sam asked frowning at me. "You just went to that bar, told him a fake name, and started a new life?"

"It's not hard." I told him.

"But you can't hide. They will always find you." Sam stated.

"Thank you, Sam." I frowned at him. "I know this. If it wasn't for Cass I wouldn't be as whole as I am right now. I know that it was useless. But it was worth a shot."

"You know Castiel?" Bobby frowned at me.

"Yes." I told him.

"How well?" He asked.

"Pretty well, actually. If you're asking if I know about his angelic nature, then yes." I told him.

"Pretty well?" Dean repeated.

"Yes." I said looking at him. "I knew him for over a month before he disappeared. The next time I saw him after that he took me to you."

"That sonofabitch." He said starting to pace.

"I know, but Dean, its fine." I told him. "He was supposed to just watch me but he ended up showing himself."

"He was _watching _you?" He frowned.

"Apparently I left that part out." I sighed and they all just looked at me. "Why are you getting so angry about this?" I asked him. "Bobby?" I said turning to him.

"We don't know anything about these angels. Castiel melted a friend of mine's eyes out."

"What?" I frowned.

"Her name's Pamela. She wanted to see who it was that saved Dean and she got her eyes melted." Bobby explained.

"God…" I said and started to pace.

Pacing ensued along with silence. Dean was pacing. I was pacing. Sam and Bobby stood there with concerned looks on their faces. No one said a word. My mind was moving so fast I didn't know what thought to grasp on to. It felt like the moment where all the truth was going to come out. I didn't want to tell Dean what happened between Cass and me yet. They didn't seem to think highly of him. But I did. It was hard to feel for him when my fiancé was back from the dead. He had been pulled out of Hell by the one man I had considered being the guy to help me get over Dean. Dean wasn't coming back. I had finally started to accept that. Then all of this went down. There was so much to say. So much to ask. Just…so much.

"This is all very complicated." I said finally sitting down.

"You're telling me." Dean said as he continued to pace.

"Baby, come here." I said grabbing his hand.

He knelt in front of me. I spread my legs and pulled him into my arms. Hugging him tightly, I shut my eyes. I loved him so much. Taking a deep breath, I couldn't help the tears that came to my eyes. I leaned away, taking his head in my hands.

"All that matters is that you're alive. Everything else will come with time." I told him softly.

"I'm with you." He whispered.

"And I'm with you." I whispered back.

He took my hands in his. He frowned and looked down. "Your ring?" He said looking up at me.

I pulled a chain from around my neck. The ring was hanging from it. "It was just a part of my cover." I told him as I took it from the chain. "I lost the pentagram though." I told him guiltily.

"That's okay. I can get you another one." He said sweetly.

"But the last one was perfect." I replied.

He smiled and took the ring from me and slipped it back onto the proper finger. "Now that is perfect." He said and kissed me deeply.

"Not as perfect as you." I smiled at him.

"You're right there." He said and stood. "Every broken bone, every scar…completely healed."

"I'm almost sad about that." I smiled at him. "Some of those were supposed to be there." I said with a raised brow.

He laughed and pulled me to my feet. I put my arms around him. "We'll get them back." He whispered in my ear.

Laughing, we kissed, feeling the uncomfortable air that filled the room. "Sorry." I said looking at Sam and Bobby. "He's back. What can I say?"

"Nothing apparently." Bobby said looking at the ceiling.

I laughed. It was a good laugh. It felt wonderful to laugh again. To feel like it was okay to laugh, to be happy. Because I was happy. Happier than I had been in months.

* * *

><p>The moon was bright. It looked like it always did. As much as I wished I could sleep, I just couldn't, despite Dean being alive, my mind still plagued me with nightmares of his death. Either that or memories of my night with Cass. I sat on the picnic table, a blanket wrapped around me. Windsor lay next to me, partially covered. It was quiet, yet my mind was so loud I felt like I was standing in the middle of a crowded room.<p>

"Can I sit?"

I looked up to see Cass. "Of course. You don't have to ask." I told him. My mind silencing at the site of him.

"Yes, I do." He said sitting on my other side.

"What happened before doesn't matter anymore." I told him.

"Yes, it does." He said looking at me. "I will do as I'm told. I will do what my father has asked of me. But…" He said and stopped.

"But what?" I asked.

"I've already taken a step out of line." He told me.

"Hmph. You and me both." I told him.

"Dean was dead. What happened will not be held against you." He replied.

I just looked at him. Something was starting to click. "You were here for Dean the whole time…weren't you?" I asked him quietly.

"Yes." He said and looked at me. "But I chose to watch those closest to him. Curiosity if you will. Only, perhaps, I looked too closely."

"I'm thinking yeah, you did." I smiled at him.

"It was not my intention to hurt you. But I feel that I have caused more harm than good."

"Not true." I said taking his hand in mine. I placed it in my lap, gently running my thumb across the top of it. "You gave me Dean back. There are not enough thanks to go around for that. As for what happened between us…" I said and paused. "I'm not sorry." I told him. "Not at all. I loved the time we spent together. But…" I paused again. This was harder than I had thought it would be. I laced my fingers with his, squeezing it tightly. "I have Dean back now. I don't know how you feel. Half the time I don't know how I feel. But I know that I love Dean. I'll love him forever."

"I know." Cass said sadly.

"I do care about you. I care a lot. More than I should." I said squeezing his hand. "But I'm with him."

"I know." He repeated.

He squeezed my hand. Sighing, I rested my chin on his shoulder, kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry." I told him.

"I know." He said again.

"Talk to me, Cass. You know you can." I frowned at him.

"I know I can." He said and looked at me. "But I shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because it's against orders. I'm not in charge of what I do. I answer to many above me." He told me.

"Answer to who? God?" I asked him.

"No. Other angels above my rank." He replied.

"What is your rank?"

"It's complicated." He stated.

"I believe that." I told him. "It's all complicated." He nodded. "But I'm still your friend. I still care about you. I'm here for you. No matter what." I told him, running my fingers through his hair.

He closed his eyes. His brows furrowed. It was as if he was trying to remember the feeling. I frowned and put my forehead against the side of his head. His hand found my face, turning his head so our foreheads were touching.

"I should not feel." He told me.

His husky voice made it that much harder. "I know." I replied. "Neither should I."

"But you do." He stated.

"So do you."

"I am an angel. I am not supposed to feel. I am to do my duty." He said sadly.

"You're with humans now. And we feel so much." I told him.

"You are in love with someone else." He said pulling away, looking at me.

"Yes, I am." I told him, my hand remaining on his face. "But we haven't known each other long enough for anything else to happen. If you had been who I thought you were. If you hadn't pulled Dean out of Hell. Maybe things would be different. But you are an angel and Dean is my fiancé, who is very much alive."

"I know." He said and stood.

"Are you leaving?" I asked him.

"I'll, as you say it, be around." He replied and disappeared.

I stared at the place he had been standing. It should have been easy to turn away from him. To simply shrug and pretend that it had never happened. To be able to just look at him and see him for what he was. He was an angel. He was borrowing a man's body. He needed a host just as much as demons do. Only, Bobby had been very clear that the vessels needed to give an angel permission before they could enter. So whoever was inside of Cass was still human. A human trapped inside its own skin. It was hard to imagine.

"Everything okay?"

I jumped and turned to see Bobby. "You scared me." I frowned at him.

"Sorry." He said sitting next to me.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"Cass was here." He stated.

"Watching me?" I asked coldly.

"Just caught the end when he left." He replied. "Noticed you weren't in bed. Usually means you're hoping the moon will give you answers."

"And it never does." I said looking up at it.

"Something's different with you." He stated. "You're doing a good job hiding it from Sam and Dean. But I've watched you all too much not to see the subtle changes."

"Your point?" I asked him.

"Castiel…" He said and looked at me. I frowned at him, waiting for him to go on. "He means something to you."

"How you figure?"

"It's small but it's there. You said you knew him before Dean was back. Makes me think the angel overstepped his bounds." He replied.

It took me a long time to reply. Bobby was patient and remained silent as he waited. "I overstepped them for him." I finally said quietly and looked at him.

"Were you planning on telling Dean?" He asked.

"Eventually." I told him. "But it was one night. He had saved my life…again." I said and gave a short laugh. "I thanked him for it. But I did start to fall for him." I said and looked at him. "He has this way about him. And he's very gentle. Yet he seems so young. He doesn't understand the way we are. The phrases we use." I paused as I thought about him. "But I love Dean just as much as I did before he died." I said, serious again. "I _love_ Dean. I love him more than anything. But I will admit that Cass will be a distraction. We have a connection. I'm not going to deny that. But I'm with Dean. What happened between me and Cass happened when Dean was dead. He was gone. He was never coming back." I told him and fought the tears in my eyes. "I had already lost everything that mattered to me. Cass made me feel better. He was mysterious. He was helping me move on. I felt like I was finally moving on. I had exhausted every possible way of bringing him back. He was gone, Bobby." I said looking at him.

"I know." Bobby said rubbing his hands together. "I'm not going to hold it against you. I attacked him the first time I saw him. Didn't believe that he was really back. Then with Dean telling us it was angels…" He said shaking his head.

"What do they want?" I asked him. "Cass never tells me any of that stuff."

"We don't know."

"I don't like not knowing." I frowned at him.

He gave a short laugh. "Join the club."

* * *

><p>It was Dean's lips that woke me. My skin remembered his lips. The feel of his hands. Everything. Smiling I turned and my lips met his. I kissed him deeply.<p>

"Good morning, beautiful." He whispered.

"You know, that is a really good country song." I grinned up at him.

"Please tell me you didn't go country while I was gone." He told me concerned.

I laughed and kissed him again. "No, not fully. Bruce played a lot of country. Some of it isn't so bad."

"Sing it to me." He smiled and rested against me.

I smiled as I traced his face. "Maybe later."

"Your voice was what kept me sane. I remembered everything about you and it kept me from losing myself." He told me. "Do this one thing for me."

"Wow." I told him with furrowed brows. "You may have hyped my memory up just a bit."

"Never." He said and kissed me.

"Fine." I told him, clearing my throat. "_Good morning beautiful. How was your night? Mine was wonderful with you by my side. When I open my eyes and see your sweet face. It's a, good morning beautiful, day._" He just smiled at me. "Happy now?" I smirked at him.

"Very." He replied and kissed me. He grabbed my side, making me squirm. "Some things never change."

"Oh, shut up." I said hitting his chest.

We should have been working. We should have been looking for a job. But it took all of me to focus on anything but Dean. Instead of working, we spent the day in bed. Making love, talking, staring at each other. Everything we loved most. It was nice. I was with him again and everything felt like it was finally starting to feel normal. To feel like it should. It wouldn't last, but I would take what I could get right now.

"I wish you would tell me." I told him as our conversation took a more serious turn.

"You don't want to know." He replied.

"You remember though. I've had a glimpse of Hell. You can tell me." I said gently.

"You can't tell Sam and Bobby. As far as they know I don't remember anything." He said sternly.

"I know." I said putting my hand on his face. "But your nightmares are getting worse. You need to release some of your emotions. You have it held up so tight. I'm here for you. You can tell me anything."

"I know I can." He said and kissed me. "I'm just not ready to talk about it."

"Okay." I smiled and kissed him again. He just gave me a small smile. "You know what we haven't talked about yet?" He shook his head. I couldn't help but grin at him as I touched the ring on my finger. "What you promised we would do as soon as you got back."

His smile grew and he kissed me deeply before getting out of bed. "Then let's go."

"What?" I grinned, sitting up.

"Come on, get dressed, we'll go down to the court house right now and make it official." He replied.

"Are you serious?" I asked him.

"If you don't mind not having the white dress. Or it being just the four of us."

I got out of bed and rushed to him throwing my arms around his neck. "As long as I have you I don't care what we do. Elvis could marry us for all I care." I said and kissed him.

The next thing I knew the call was made and I was getting ready to go to the courthouse. A judge was going to marry us. By tonight I would be Mrs. Evy Winchester. I couldn't have been happier or more eager for anything in my life. It was finally happening and I was so excited that I could hardly stand it. It took all of me not to burn my hair off as I curled it. There was little I had that was dressy of any kind. I had t-shirts, long sleeves, and jeans. That was the extent of my wardrobe. But I made do with my best pair of jeans and a purple blouse. It worked. I didn't need anything special anyway. It didn't matter what I was wearing. All that mattered was that it was _actually happening_. There was nothing to stop us this time. No one to come in with guns blazing. We would get it done this time. Tonight was the night.

"I am so excited." I told Sam as he stood with me outside the room.

"He's waiting for you. Just inside this door." He smiled at me.

I couldn't help the little squealing noise that escaped my lips. There were no words for this. There was nothing I could say that could even come close to expressing the way I was feeling. This was everything to me. Nothing could ruin it.

"I better get in there." He smiled and kissed my forehead before stepping inside.

As soon as the door was closed I turned around and jumped. Cass was standing in front of me. "What are you doing here?" I frowned at him.

"You're marrying him." He stated.

"Yes. Any minute now. What is it?" He just looked at me. "Cass, is something wrong?" I asked putting my hand on his arm.

He just looked at me before disappearing. I sighed but a moment later he reappeared holding a small bouquet of calla lilies. I smiled at him as he handed them to me. "You can't get married without flowers of some kind. I believe it's a tradition." He told me.

"Yes, it is. Thank you." I said kissing his cheek. "Thank you so much."

"You are welcome." He said and just looked at me.

"Will you stay?" I asked him. "Stay and be a part of this?"

"I…" He said and paused.

"Please." I said grabbing his hand. "Please stay. I want you here. Please, Cass?"

"I will stay." He said meeting my eyes for a moment before stepping into the room.

I smelled the flowers. They smelled amazing. It was only a few minutes longer when the door opened and an assistance told me it was time. It wasn't a fancy church. I didn't have the white dress. But I still had everything I wanted. It was a small room. Bobby and Cass were on one side. Dean and Sam were on the other. Even Windsor sat at Sam's side. A sloppy grin across his muzzle. The judge stood in the middle, a smile on her face. A smile was plastered on my own. When I reached them, Dean took my hand and we faced the judge. As she started to talk my heart started to race and I squeezed Dean's hand. He was all I could see. He smiled and winked at me. We exchanged vows and he slid the matching band onto my finger and I did the same to his. He had had it all planned out. Things had gotten in the way but he had planned this out more than I had thought he had. It made me love him even more.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." The judge smiled and then congratulated us.

Dean pulled me into his arms and he kissed me passionately.

"We did it." I told him breathlessly.

"Yes we did." He said and took my hand as he rushed us from the room. He skidded to a stop and turned back to the room. "You got Sam, right?" He asked Bobby. He paused again, "Oh, and don't forget the dog. He needs dinner at five." He added before giving him thumbs up and then turned back to me.

I laughed as I followed right behind him. We ran through the halls and out the front doors. The Impala was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. We made it to the bottom before he pulled me to a stop.

"Wait, wait, wait." He said looking at me.

"What?" I asked him. He just smiled and picked me up into his arms. I laughed before asking, "What are you doing?"

"We don't have a threshold so this will have to do." He said and he went to the car.

My face hurt from the smile that wouldn't leave. I laughed as he struggled with the door. He nearly dropped me before finally pulling it open. He put me in the car before running to the other side. He got in and looked at me.

"Where to wife?" He asked.

I laughed and kissed him. "As long as you keep calling me that I'll go wherever you want me to…husband." I said and kissed him again.

It didn't matter where we went. As far as I was concerned we were home. This car. This man. This…this was my home. I couldn't ask for more.


	9. Wedding Night

_**Chapter Nine: Wedding Night**_

It wasn't anything different. We made love, ordered good food, talked and laughed. It was what we'd been doing for years now. But at the same time it was all different. He was my husband and I was his wife. It was amazing how much that small change changed the feel of it all. He was mine forever. Nothing, not even death, would keep us apart. It was the single best thought in my head. I had finally married the man of my dreams. He was everything to me. We were now joined in every possible way. Falling asleep in his arms this night felt more wonderful than any other night of my life.

Waking up some time in the middle of the night, I rolled over to find myself alone in bed. Dean had gotten us the honeymoon suite at the best hotel in town. It wasn't as fancy as we had seen before but it was more than enough for us. Frowning, I got out of bed and walked out into the main room. Dean was sitting in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames. Sighing, I walked up behind him, kneeling, wrapping my arms around him.

"Another nightmare?" I whispered. He nodded as he leaned his head against mine. Kissing his temple, I pulled him against me. "Come on. I'll hold you."

He nodded again and I helped him to his feet before leading him back into the bedroom. I crawled onto the bed, leaning against the headboard. He laid himself in my lap, his hand gripping my thigh. I could feel his pain. It hurt me more than I could tell him. I wanted to be there for him. To be what he needed. All I did was hold him, hum to him, as I trailed my fingers up and down his body. I felt his tension slowly ebb out of him as he slipped into sleep.

"Sleep, my husband. I'll never leave you." I whispered into his ear. His hand gently squeezed once more before I knew he was deep in sleep.

It wasn't the way I wanted my wedding night to be. But I would support him no matter what he was going through. Continuing to hold him, I too fell asleep. Waking up again to a small noise in the other room. I gently moved Dean from my lap and grabbed the gun that was underneath my jeans on the floor. Moving quietly through the room I peered around the corner before feeling my heart skip a beat. My hand lowered and I could hardly get a word out of my mouth.

"Nancy?" I whispered.

"Why didn't you save me?" She asked and was gone again.

"Dean?" I said and turned back to the bedroom.

I had barely turned when I was hit across the stomach with a tall lamp. I just looked at her before she hit me again.

"You could have saved me. You were just there. You should have known that something was going to happen. What was coming for us. You should have known." She said and hit me again.

"I'm sorry." I told her. "We really didn't know."

"You should have." She said again and hit me across the face.

In the next second she was gone. I was left cowering in the corner. I waited for her to reappear but she never did. Pain moved through my body as I stood. I moved toward the bedroom, calling for Dean.

"Baby?" I said a little louder. I walked to the bed, leaning on it as I reached for him. I noticed the red that dripped onto the bed. "Dean?" I said and touched him. He shot awake and looked up at me. "Just wait." I said as he flew out of bed. His hands were immediately on my face. His thumb touched the fresh laceration. "It was Nancy." I told him.

"Who?" He asked.

"Nancy. The secretary at the police station the night Henriksen was killed." I reminded him. "It was her. I'm sure of it."

He frowned at me, "Nancy's dead."

"I know." I told him. "But she was here."

"Why would she show up now?" He said and paused.

"I don't know." I said, feeling the fear cross my face. "It was weird. Something's going on."

He pulled me against him. He held me briefly before we packed and made our way to the others. Something was happening. The car ride was quiet. I was terrified and Dean felt a little distant. I reached over and took his hand. He looked at me and a painful expression crossed his face. Putting my hand on the back of his head, I massaged him gently.

"Some wedding night." He finally told me.

"Hmm?" I said frowning.

"I had another nightmare and you got beat up by a dead woman." He said shaking his head. "One night. Just this one night, why couldn't we have it all?" He asked sadly.

"This is our lot in life." I smiled at him. "But you know what?" He just glanced at me. "It doesn't matter what happens. We don't need this one night to have it all. I already have it all. I have you." I told him and smiled.

"I love you. More than anything." He told me.

"I love you too." I smiled and kissed him quickly but deeply.

* * *

><p>By the time we got to Bobby's, Sam had also had an encounter with a ghost. Bobby had theories but what was going on was still up in the air. It was obvious that something was amiss. The people who showed themselves were all from our past. People who had died while we were around. It was something that we knew nothing about. Part of me felt like we had missed something. Our reunion had lasted too long and now we were on the wrong side of whatever was happening.<p>

"Is this our fault?" I asked Dean as we all took a little break. Windsor sat next to me, his head resting on my knee.

"What?" He frowned. "How would it be our fault?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "We took too much time off. We should've been on top of things. Now we have ghosts, of people who have died because of us, after us."

"It's not our fault." He told me.

"I hope not." I said softly, looking at my hands.

"Hey…" He said squatting in front of me.

I met his eyes and he took my hands in his. I sighed heavily. He opened his mouth to say something when Sam yelled out to us. Dean looked at me before running into the next room. I moved to follow him when, from behind me, a baby cried. I froze in my steps and slowly turned around. On the floor, wrapped in a blue blanket, lay a baby. My heart started to accelerate. Soon it was all I could hear. The blanket was halfway open and his sweet face was contorted in agony as he continued to cry. I tried to form Dean's name but nothing came out. I moved forward and slowly crouched down, kneeling next to the small form.

"It's okay." I whispered to it as I slowly put my hand out toward it. I paused as sobs started to heave out of my chest. "I'm sorry. I am so very sorry." I sobbed at the baby. He stopped crying and he looked at me. "I am so, so sorry. It was an accident. It wasn't supposed to happen. I wanted you. I wanted you so badly." I cried. His blue eyes met mine. For a split second I felt like he forgave me. Then his eyes filled with tears and a small frown crossed his face. My heart broke. As soon as I attempted to touch him he disappeared. "Wait. Wait!" I called but he was gone.

The tears came faster as I fell to the side, pulling my knees up against me. I covered my face with my hands and cried. Sobbed like I had lost him all over again. He was my baby. He was mine and Dean's baby. He was supposed to be alive. He would've been almost two already. The tears hadn't stopped when there was a blow to my lower back. I yelled out as my body arched away from the pain. I went to move away and was kicked again. I managed to scramble to my feet, whipping around to see Henriksen. He punched me hard, sending me to the ground again, before it grew quiet and he was gone. The next thing I knew there were arms underneath me and I was lifted from the ground. Without looking I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face there.

"What do you want?" Cass's voice asked.

"Deliverance."

Henriksen was back. I gripped Cass tighter. "You will have your deliverance. But it does not start with her." He told him.

I couldn't help but shake in his arms. Victor wouldn't do this. I knew that we had wronged him. But he wouldn't do it.

"Cass…" I whispered against his shoulder.

I felt his lips in my hair and I closed my eyes, calm moving over me. The next thing I knew we were in some sort of bunker. I heard my husband's voice as I was laid on a cot. There was warm blood moving through my eyes. A second later the pain and blood was gone but the image of my ghost child wouldn't leave me.

"What happened?" Sam asked Cass as I felt Dean's hands on my arms.

"Baby?" He said gently as he put his hand on my back.

"I saw him." I whispered. "I…_saw_ him." I said a little louder.

"Saw who?" He asked.

I rolled over to face him as tears ran down my cheeks. "Our son." I managed to choke out before he pulled me into his arms.

I cried into him as he held me tight. The only sound in the room was my sobbing. Nothing could be said for this. We didn't know what was going on. Hopefully Castiel would know. Hopefully he was here to tell us what we were up against. All I knew was that if it could take the form of dead children it was nothing good. When I quieted down, Dean released me, letting me silently cry on the cot, running his hand up and down my back as he talked it out with Bobby and our brother. I listened to them, feeling unable to do anything else.

"Wait a minute. What?" I asked finally taking interest as I got to my feet. My eyes felt puffy and there were still tears on my cheeks. "Bobby, please tell me you didn't just say what I think you said."

"Yes. It's the start of the apocalypse." Cass said looking at me.

Dean and Sam looked like they were avoiding my eyes. "So, what do we do now?" I asked my husband.

"Bobby has a plan." He told me.

"Okay." I said running my fingers through my hair.

"You're staying here." Sam added.

"What?" I frowned. "No, I can help." I said moving to him. He just looked at me. "Dean…" I pleaded putting my hands on his chest.

"No." He said putting his hands through my hair. "You saw our baby. You're a wreck. Stay here. I don't want you to see him again."

"I don't want you to see him ever." I whispered to him.

"I'll be okay." He said pulling me against him. "I love you." He whispered against my ear.

"I love you too." I whispered back.

He took my hand and ran his thumb across my wedding band. "We better get moving."

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

"I'll explain later. Just rest and don't worry about us. We've got this." He said giving me his weakening half smile.

"I don't want to be apart from you." I told him.

"I don't either. But I can't worry about you. We'll fix this and I'll be right back." He replied.

"I'll stay with her." Cass told him as he stepped next to me.

I looked at Cass who was locked onto Dean's eyes. Dean's were doing the same and for a second his hand was tense on my arm. I ran my hand down his chest and he looked down at me. Giving him a subtle nod he nodded and kissed me deeply.

"Okay." He told Cass.

"Dean." Sam said softly as he and Bobby waited to move.

"Yeah." He told his brother over his shoulder. "I'll be back soon." He said and kissed me again before turning and leaving with the rest of my family.

"Be careful." I said aloud, though I knew he didn't hear me.

"They'll be fine." Cass told me, putting a hand on my lower back.

"They better be." I said leaning against him.

"Come." He said leading me back to the cot.

Sitting down, I rested my head in my hands. Soon I felt his arm around me. He pulled me against him, cradling me against his chest. Tears filled my eyes again and I tried not to break down, my body shaking from the effort.

"What does all this mean?" I asked Cass.

"A seal has been broken." He replied. "The witnesses have risen."

"But what does that mean?" I said sitting back up and looking at him.

"If sixty-six seals are broken…" He said and paused. "Lucifer will walk the earth."

I just looked at him before shots rang from upstairs. I shot up from the cot and went to the door. A second later Cass was stopping me.

"I need to help him." I told him.

"He told you to stay here." He replied.

"I don't care!" I said shoving him. "He's my husband, Cass. This is my fight just as much as it is his."

He grabbed my wrist, tugging me hard enough to spin around. I slammed against his chest and his hands gripped the tops of my arms painfully. My eyes locked onto his. He didn't say anything. He just looked at me. He must have seen that there was no stopping me, even though the look in his eyes made me pause. His hands slid away from me. For a moment I didn't move. Then I slowly stepped backward, turned, and dashed up the stairs.

There were shots everywhere, crashing. Rounding the corner I saw Dean. Henriksen was in front of him, his fist inside his chest. I ran toward him, grabbing the rifle that was thrown across the room. Bringing the gun up I let off a shot. Henriksen disappeared and Dean fell to the ground.

"Dean!" I said running to him.

"Evy." He said reaching out to me. "What are you doing?"

"Apparently I'm saving you." I smiled at him. Helping him to his feet I took his face in my hands. "Are you okay?" I asked. He nodded and kissed me. A second later there was a baby cry. Freezing, I lowered my hands, putting them in his. "Dean."

"I hear it." He said pulling me against him.

"He's here." I whispered to him.

"Don't listen to it." He told me.

"How am I supposed to ignore that? It's our _child_. He's crying." I replied starting to freak out.

"Hey, it'll be okay." He said holding me against him.

Pressing my ear to his chest I tried to concentrate on the sound of his heart. Trying to drown out the sound of my son's crying, but it wasn't possible. Dean's heart started to race and his hands slipped away from me. I looked up at him as he stepped around me. Following his line of site I noticed the blue bundle on the floor.

"Dean…don't…" I said reaching out for him.

"It's him…" Dean said quietly as he started to bend down.

"Dean…" I said moving toward him, my eyes locked on the baby.

Dean's hands were reaching out for the boy we lost. I knew that Dean wanted him. I knew that Dean had lost just as much as I had. I had been right where he was. I never wanted him to see him. I never wanted him to have to relive that pain. As Dean was reaching for the baby, I was reaching for him. But neither of us got to touch the baby before he disappeared and the house fell quiet. Dean looked at me, tears in his eyes. I fell to my knees and moved against him.

"I know." I told him. "I know."

"Dean? Evy?" Sam said come into the room.

"We're fine." I told him, as I continued to hold Dean. He nodded and left us. "It's okay." I whispered in his ear. "It's wasn't our fault. He knows that. Wherever he is he knows that."

Dean's voice was coated with pain, "He was just a baby."

"I know." I told him again. "We love him. He has to know that. We wanted him. This was just a supernatural slap in the face. It had nothing to do with him. It wasn't really him."

"It was him." He replied. "He had your eyes."

"And your mouth." I told him, catching his eyes, smiling a little. "I love your mouth." I said and kissed him deeply. "We'll be okay."

He rested against me again. I held him tightly, gently rocking him. "Some way to start out a marriage." He told me in attempt to lighten the mood.

"In my mind we've been married for quite a while. It's just official now. And it doesn't matter how it began. It's the journey that matters after all. And we have a very long journey ahead of us."

"Forever."

"Forever."


	10. Love and Angels

_**Chapter Ten: Love and Angels**_

It was hard to wrap my head around. An apocalypse was on its way. That and neither Dean or I could get the image of our son out of our heads. It wasn't easy the first time around. It was just as hard now. Windsor lay with his head on my stomach. Some TV movie was playing while we all sat in silence. Sam was at his computer while Dean showered. He'd been in there longer than usual. I wanted to join him but at the same time, I was out of energy. Slowly, I drifted off to sleep.

_We were in Bobby's house. The ghosts were back. My baby lay crying in a corner. Just as I was about to reach for him the scene changed and the meadow appeared. All the flowers were in perfect bloom. Making a circle I saw Cass standing several yards away._

"_Cass?" I frowned. "What are you doing?"_

"_It's quiet here." He stated. "A sense of serenity." He said with a small smile._

"_Yes, I know. I spent quite a bit of time here." I replied._

"_It seems like a nice place to spend your days." He said and looked off into the distance._

"_What do you want from me, Cass?" I asked him. "You dance around the subject all the time. I need an answer. What do you want from me?"_

_He moved toward me. He slowly walked as I waited for him. Once he was in front of me he just looked at me. I was waiting for an answer. He was always showing up. Always there, probably even when I couldn't see him. He was supposed to be helping Dean. Supposed to be helping him with whatever God wanted of him. Yet here he was…in my dreams…_

"_Cass?" I said trying to get something out of him. "Please, please, tell me why you're in my dreams and why you interrupted my self-loathing."_

"_You mean your son." He stated._

"_What do you know about him?" I frowned crossing my arms._

"_I know you feel like it's your fault. You're his mother. You should have been able to protect him."_

"_You're not helping, Cass." I shot at him._

"_You did everything you could." He told me. "You can't stop every bad thing from happening."_

"_I know that. But I'm supposed to stop them from happening to me and my family." I replied._

"_You don't have to be all strong."_

"_You're right. I'm not God." I said and raised a brow. He just looked at me. "You still haven't answered my question."_

"_Don't worry." Was his reply._

"_Seriously?!" I yelled at him and turned to walk away. He stopped me. "What?!" He just looked at me. "See?" I said sadly. "You never have an answer. I don't expect one anymore. But you have to stop singling me out and not saying a word. I like having you around. I'm happy that my husband, my brother, and I all have you around. But…" I said and paused._

"_But?" He said with furrowed brows._

"_But it's starting to feel like you feel more then you should." I finished. He just looked at me. "You're an angel. You shouldn't feel the way you do."_

"_I know." He replied._

"_This is my fault." I told him. "It's my fault, Cass, and I'm sorry."_

"_You don't have to apologize." He replied._

"_Yes, I do." I said putting my hand on his chest. "I'm sorry. But we do need you. I need you. Just…in a professional way."_

"_Time to wake up." He told me and looked at his feet._

My eyes shot open. I was frustrated. He was frustrating. Windsor looked at me and sighed. I just nodded and kissed his head. Dean came out of the bathroom and fell into the bed next to me. He stroked Windsor before the dog sensed it was time to leave. I turned onto my side and gently ran my fingers through his hair. Smiling, I kissed him sweetly.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah, are you?" He replied.

"As long as you hold me for a little while." I whispered as I kissed him deeply.

He gave a short laugh and pulled me against him. Resting my forehead against his chest, taking a deep breath of him. Then a smile crossed my face and I looked up at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Did you use my body wash?" I grinned at him. He just gave a small shrug as he shook his head. "You did, didn't you?" I said and grabbing his side.

"Stop it." He said grabbing my hand. "I just think it smells good." He said slowly.

"Mm-hmmm." I said and raised a brow at him.

"It smells like you." He smiled at me.

I laughed and shook my head at him. "Good answer." I told him, kissing him repeatedly.

The day was quiet, which was nice. Time to spend together. Only Sam slipped out in the early afternoon. It was a little odd but it didn't take up too much of my time. I was perfectly preoccupied with my husband who was lying next to me. It wasn't until Windsor started to whine at the door that I finally left his side.

"Time to walk the dog." I said as I put on my shoes.

"Just let him out." Dean whined.

"Right in the middle of town? Yeah, I don't think so. Then he'd be a stray and get snatched." I told him seriously.

"You and your dogs." He grinned at me.

"Yeah, that includes you." I smiled and winked at him before going outside.

Windsor seemed to be thrilled to be outside. We walked to the nearest park where he started a game with a small group of kids and their baseball. I couldn't help but smile at them. He would make a great family dog. Playing with the kids. With mine and Dean's kids. I wanted kids. But this was no life to be brought into. To be brought up in. I felt guilty for having the dog tag along. Like Bella, I should be dropping him off with a family, one with kids. Call me selfish, but I couldn't do it. The dog had seen me through the hardest time of my life. I loved the dog and he was loyal. Once he had had his fill he came right back and sat next to me without one word from me. It was proof that there was something between us, the thought made me smile, stroking his head.

"You have a nice dog." A boy of maybe eight told me.

"Why thank you." I smiled at him.

"What's his name?" A young girl asked.

"Windsor." I replied.

"That's a funny name." She told me with a grin.

"It is isn't it?" I grinned back at her.

They were called away by their friends and then it was just me and my dog. I smiled at him before jumping as Cass appeared next to me. I sighed and frowned at him.

"Don't be upset with me." He told me.

"Why not?" I asked. "You gonna answer my question?"

"No." He replied. "But I've done something and you won't be happy about it."

I groaned and dropped my head. "What did you do now?"

"I've sent Dean somewhere." He said softly.

"You _what_?!" I yelled and got off of the picnic table.

"It's important that he knows." He replied.

"Knows what?" I asked as I started back toward the motel.

"What happened to Sam." He replied.

"What do you mean? We already know. Demon blood. Azazel's blood. I have it too you know." I told him quickly.

"But you haven't acted on any of your powers." He told me still keeping pace.

"What?" I frowned and stopped abruptly. Cass ran into me. "What powers?"

"I'll be back." He told me. "Then I'll show you."

"Show me what?" I asked him.

"I can't explain now. I'll just show you." He replied.

"Cass, you are far too secretive you know that?" I glared at him.

"Yes. I've been told that." He replied.

"Whatever." I said and ran the remainder of the way. "Dean?!" I yelled opening the door.

He wasn't there. Neither was Sam. This was complicated and I didn't know what to expect next. Dean was somewhere else. Sam was doing something wrong. An angel just couldn't seem to leave me alone. What next, some demon attacks now that I was all alone? I opened my phone and called Sam.

"Evy, what is it?" He asked.

"Where are you?" I countered.

"I'm just grabbing some food." He replied.

"Are you gonna be back soon?"

"I don't know."

"Sam, I need you." I told him.

"What happened?" He asked, worry in his voice.

"Nothing really. Dean's gone, Cass sent him somewhere. I'm just a little worried. I could really use my brother." I told him, hoping he'd feel a little guilty and come home.

"Already pulling the brother card." He told me, but he had a smile in his voice.

It wasn't working, sighing I replied, "I am. I've been worried about you. Thought we could talk for a bit. Wait for Dean to get back."

"Okay. Give me an hour…or so. Then I'll be back." He told me.

"Or so?"

"I'll be back soon." He told me.

"Okay." I said taking a deep breath. "I love you, Sammy."

"Love you too." He said and hung up.

I was starting to think that Cass was right. Something was going on with Sam and he was hiding it from us. Doing a pretty good job at it too.

* * *

><p>I spent all day trying to figure out what to do about Sam. What to say to him. How to bring it up. What to do once I found out what he was doing.<p>

"What are we gonna do?" I asked Cass when he came back.

"First, just come with me." He replied.

Sighing, I nodded. I needed to know. Whether I wanted to or not. Cass put his fingers to my head and we were outside a warehouse. He motioned for me to be quiet and we walked in. For a second there was nothing. Then I heard screaming. Looking through a broken wall, I stood there and witnessed Sam doing something I never thought possible. His hand was held out, his face concentrating at whatever he was doing. With his hand outstretched the demon started to be coughed up from the victim's mouth. There was a woman standing next to him, a pretty petite brunette, with a smile across her face. When the demon was out of her the black smoke billowed in a circle on the floor before flames appeared and it seemed to melt into it, disappearing. I watched Sam go to the woman. I was hyperventilating. This was not what I had expected. I turned and fled the scene, Cass right behind me.

"Evy…" He said grabbing my arm.

"What was that?!" I said turning to him. "What was that, Cass? Was he using the blood? Was that how he did it? _Demon blood?!_"

"Calm down." He said taking both my arms.

"Is Sam evil?" I asked him more calmly. Cass just looked at me. "Oh my God…" I said and started to freak out. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my _God_!"

"Evy, please." Cass said stopping my pacing.

"What do we do? And who was that woman? Was it Ruby? It was, wasn't it?" I said rambling on. "Cass…" I said looking at him.

He pulled me against him. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. He pressed his lips against my hair. I turned my head and looked up at him.

"Cass, please, tell me what this means?" I asked him.

"It means that he's using demon power to exorcise these people."

"Does it save them?" I asked.

"Sometimes." Cass replied. "But it's still demonic. He needs to stop. Ruby's poisoned his mind. He thinks he's right. But he has to stop."

"Okay." I said keeping his eyes. "I'll do whatever needs to be done."

"I don't think you have the power to stop him." He told me gently, putting his hand on my cheek. "You might be able to sway him but I think the true power lies with Dean."

"He can't do this by himself." I replied.

"That's why he has you." He said giving me a small smile.

"We need your help too." I told him.

"No, you don't." He said sadly.

"Yes, we do." I argued. "And if not 'we' then I do."

"Why?" He asked, even more sadness in his voice.

"Cass…" I said putting my hand on his cheek. "I might be married to another man and I'm happy as can be with him. But…"

"But what?"

"But…I still rely on you. The strength you give me." I said and rested my head against his chest, unable to look into his eyes anymore.

"You do?" He asked, his voice soft.

"I really do."

"What strength do I give you?" He asked.

Holding him tighter, I thought a moment before answering, "You were there when I had shut everybody out. I was shut down and weak but you put life in me again when I thought my life was over. You brought me back to life."

"Doesn't that complicate things?" He asked more carefully.

I gave a short laugh, "Probably."

"Why risk it?"

"You risk a lot by being here as often as you are." I said looking up at him. "And I'm just not ready for you to not be here."

He sighed and kissed my forehead before pulling me against him again, holding me tighter.

"Evy? Cass?"

I turned to see Sam. I half expected tears to come to my eyes but anger bubbled. Rushing to him I punched him as hard as I could.

"Ow!" I yelled and held my hand against my chest. "Damn you, Sam!"

"Evy…" Cass said taking my hand.

"You saw." Sam stated, gently rubbing his cheek.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled at him, pulling my hand from Cass's. "What the hell was that?"

"I can explain." He told me.

Without hesitation I punched him again, not caring about the pain this time. Just looking at him fueled my anger. "I don't want an explanation. I don't want to know how you did it. I don't want you to tell me that it's for the greater good. That this is somehow justified because you're saving people—"

"But I am saving people!" He shot at me.

"Because of demon blood, Sam!" I shot back at him. "You have to stop!"

"Why?" He asked too calmly.

"Because you're using demonic powers. You might be doing good with it but it's still wrong. There are other ways of exorcising demons. There is other ways to do it all. This is not the way." I told him shaking my head.

"It works." He told me.

"How did you start this?" I asked. "It was you, wasn't it?" I said pointing to the demon next to Sam. "How the hell did you get out, Ruby?"

"Knew it was me, huh?" She smiled.

"You fucking bitch." I said calmly before punching her.

She fell to the ground. I jumped on top of her, starting to beat the shit out of her as fast as I could, knowing that I'd be torn off of her before I could finish pummeling her.

"Evy!" Sam said grabbing me.

I whipped around, shoving him away from me, causing me to fall backward. Cass rushed over and helped me to my feet.

"You bastard." I shot at Sam before walking away.

"Evy!" Sam called after me.

"No. Let her go." I heard Cass tell him.

Soon the angel fell in step with me and simply walked with me as I tried to find my head again. I was overwhelmed and beyond scared. This was bad. Bad even for us. The tears came only a few minutes later and Cass simply stayed with me as I walked and cried, massaging my hand in the process. All the while I was trying so hard to figure out what all this means. What the future would hold if he didn't stop. What the hell was he thinking?


	11. Coming Clean

_**Chapter Eleven: Coming Clean**_

Sitting in the shower I tried to figure out what to do next. Dean wasn't back yet, neither was Sam. He hadn't tried to contact me at all. I wanted him to at least try. His lack of trying seemed to confirm the agony that was rolling around my stomach. He wasn't going to try. He was going to keep going. Continue what he believed was right. It was Ruby's fault. She was to blame for all of this.

I pulled on sweats and a tank top before going out. Cass sat on the edge of the bed. The tears were clear on my face. He looked at me sadly. He seemed to understand what I was feeling with a single look. His brows furrowed and he sighed. I walked toward him, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. I wanted to talk it out. Wanted to talk to someone until I couldn't anymore. Talk myself in circles in order to understand what I saw. To figure out what I was going to do next. But as soon as I sat down he put his arm around me. The tears started again.

"I don't know what to do." I cried as Cass pulled me against his chest.

"Shhh. We'll figure it out." He said softly and laid back.

Turning against his chest I sobbed into it. "What if we can't? What if he doesn't stop?"

"Then Ureal will stop him." He told me.

"Who?" I frowned at him, starting to calm down.

"Another angel. One very much different from me." He replied.

"I just want to be happy." I told him, wiping away fresh tears. "I wish Dean were here."

There was a long pause before he finally said, "He'll be back soon."

I didn't want to hurt him but I wanted my husband. I _needed_ my husband in more ways than one. Cass kissed the top of my head, pulling me tighter against him. Shutting my eyes I tried to ignore what I saw. I was so overwhelmed. Soon sleep took me.

* * *

><p>When I woke up Dean was smiling at me. I smiled back before feeling the tears come to my eyes again. He didn't say a word. He simply pulled me against him, putting his hand on my face. He kissed my forehead before placing his against it.<p>

"I'm sorry." I told him. "But…there is something we need to talk about."

"It's okay." He said kissing me gently. "I know about Sam."

"You do?" I frowned at him.

"Cass took me to him. I saw what he's doing." He said, too calmly for my liking.

"Dean?" I said softly.

"I've already fought with him about it. He's taking a walk." He told me. "Right now I just want to spend some time with my wife." He said and kissed me again.

I kissed him deeply. "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled with his lips against mine.

"Where were you?" I asked as I ran my fingers down his face.

"We'll talk about that later. Right now I want you to just be with me." He said kissing me passionately.

His hand moved up my shirt before untying my pant strings. I couldn't help but smile. It would feel good and it would distract us from what was going on. And there was never a bad time for sex. Especially when my husband looked the way he did.

* * *

><p><em>Trouble. There's trouble.<em>

I slowly felt myself start to wake up at the subtle feel of a voice. I shot fully awake when Dean yelled out.

_There's trouble._

"Dean!" I said reaching for him. The glass in the room was shaking. Fear moved through me. I didn't know what was going on. "Dean, what is it?" I asked rolling him into my arms.

_The Lake._

The glass grew still and the room fell silent. "Baby?" I asked running my fingers through his hair.

"Didn't you hear it?" He frowned up at me.

"There was a voice." I frowned back.

"No. There was a ringing. A horrible ringing." He said before growing angry. "Damn it, Cass!" He yelled out, jumping to his feet.

"Cass?" I asked doing the same.

"It's his _true_ voice." He shot at me.

"Excuse me?" I frowned harder.

"I can't understand you!" Dean yelled into the air.

"I can." I said softly.

"What?" He frowned at me.

"I can understand what he's saying." I replied, not looking him in the eye.

"You can? What did he say?" He frowned harder as he stepped up to me.

"There's trouble. He's said that there's trouble and he mentioned the lake." I replied.

"What lake?" He asked.

"I don't know. I was a little more concerned about you then what it was saying. You were in pain." I told him.

"Yeah, it hurts like hell." He told me, turning away.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him.

I was getting the vibe that he was. I was terrified that he was. That this would be the moment that I would have to come clean. Come clean about everything. He would be angry with me. If Cass was just a man he would understand. But not this. Not an angel who is around a good portion of the time.

"No." He said turning back to me.

He took my head in his hands and kissed my forehead. I wrapped my arms around him, resting my head against his chest. I sighed placing a kiss against his skin.

"What does it mean?" He asked softly.

"I don't know. I never knew it was him." I replied.

"You've heard it before." He stated.

"I have. Just a couple times. I thought I was just hearing things. That my subconscious was trying to tell me something." I said and looked up at him. "I thought it was you." He smiled and kissed me deeply. "Now I know it's an angel. Not really sure how to feel about that." I told him honestly.

We stayed against each other too short a time for my liking. He moved away from me, going to the stacks of papers and the open laptop on the table.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Finding the nearest lake." He replied.

"What trouble could be there?" I asked him.

"Remember Lucas and Andrea?" He countered.

"How could I forget?" I replied sadly. "I drowned in front of them."

He paused and looked up at me. "I'm sorry." He said coming to me.

"Don't be." I said putting my hand on his chest. "That was a long time ago."

"We weren't even together then." He smirked at me.

"We weren't were we?" I grinned back.

"Maybe we shouldn't go." He said, his smile falling.

"We don't even know what's going on." I added.

"We should probably stay here." He said pulling me against him.

I smiled and kissed him deeply. "I agree."

* * *

><p>Dean was asleep as I lay wide awake. Trouble at the lake. That wasn't a lot to go on. We filled Sam in when he got back but even he couldn't think of any answers. We should have gone. I don't know why we didn't. I couldn't help but think of Cass. If he was in danger I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't do anything about it. Sighing, I slipped out of bed and nudged my dog awake. He groaned up at me but followed me toward the door. Writing a quick note to Dean I slipped outside with Windsor.<p>

I took the Impala and drove to the nearest lake. The sun was starting to rise and it shed enough light for me to see by. The lake was quiet. I didn't understand what Cass wanted us to do here. Maybe we missed it.

"Cass?" I called out. "Please be all right." I said softly, wrapping my arms around myself. "Windsor?" I asked looking down at him.

The dog took a deep breath, blowing it heavily out of his nose before putting it to the ground. We walked the perimeter of the lake but we found nothing. There was no sign of human life let alone that an angel had passed through. No sign of demons. Nothing.

"What does he want from me?" I frowned and looked out over the lake.

That was when I saw it. Something falling from the sky. Windsor let out a high mumbled bark that sounded more concerned than a warning.

"Please don't tell me…" I said and trailed off.

"Evy!" I heard my name and turned to see Dean.

"Dean." I said and looked back at the falling figure.

"Don't!" He yelled but it was too late.

I ran along the edge of the lake. Finding the closet position to see where he was falling. I knew it was him. What had happened? What was going on? Why was he falling?

"Evy, stop!" Dean called after me.

Then I was in the water. Running in as far as I could before diving into the cold water. I heard splashes after me as Dean followed. Swimming as fast as I could, I watched the figure hit the water. I felt tightness in my chest as I willed my limbs to move faster. When I finally reached the spot there was nothing floating on the water. I dove under, searching for him. In the next second Dean was under with me. He grabbed me, pulling me to the surface.

"What are you doing?" He yelled at me.

"It's Cass! Something's happened!" I told him.

"How do you know?" He asked.

"I don't know. I just do." I replied. "Please."

"He's an angel. He can get himself out of this." He replied.

"But what if he can't?" I asked him. Fear was evident in my voice.

Dean just looked at me before we both went under in search of the angel. There was nothing. Maybe Dean was right. Maybe he was able to get himself out of this. But I wasn't ready to give up. If he needed me then I wasn't going to go anywhere until he was with me. I broke the surface and waited for Dean to do the same. Tears were brimming and I knew that I was in trouble. When Dean broke the surface he had Cass. He was unconscious. For a second I couldn't breathe as Dean started to swim back to shore. I followed, hardly remembering the swim back. I helped Dean carry him from the water and placed him on the beach of rocks. I knelt next to him, taking his face in my hands.

"Cass…" I said staring at him. I felt myself start to shake and I looked up at Dean. "What do we do?" I asked.

"I don't know." He replied.

"Cass, can you hear me?" I said running my fingers through his hair. "Cass! I don't think he's breathing." I stated.

"Of course not." Dean replied. "But he's an angel. Is he supposed to?"

"I don't know. But as a man he should. He's in a vessel, right?" I asked preparing myself. Dean just nodded. "Alright then." I said and tilted his head, parting his lips, breathing into him.

Dean compressed his chest as I breathed for him. As time ticked by it felt like I was no longer in control of my actions. All I could see was his face. Memories flashing behind my eyes. They filled with tears as I continued to breathe for him. I whispered 'please' into his ear. Hoping that the angel inside could hear me. I breathed into him, remembering the taste of him. Feeling myself start to shut down. It was then that he started to cough up water.

"Thank God." I said rolling him onto his side so the water could spill out. As soon as his coughing subsided, I lifted his torso against me. Holding him tight. I gave Dean a relieved look but his was suspicious. I averted my eyes and looked down at Cass. Putting my hand on his face, gently rubbing his cheek with my thumb, I waited for him to come to. "You okay?" I asked as he opened his eyes.

"Yes." He said, staring at me, before he stood up.

"Take it easy." I told him doing the same.

"I'm fine." He said before looking at Dean.

The moment was excruciatingly awkward. "What happened?" I asked him.

"I must go." He replied and disappeared.

"Wait!" I yelled but it was too late. "Why can't he ever answer a straight forward question?"

"What did you expect?" Dean said walking up to me. He was quiet as he frowned at me. "Is there something you're not telling me?" He asked.

"Like what?" I asked him, a pit falling in my stomach.

"I don't know, like why you were so panicked. Why you were looking at him as if it were me on the ground and not him." He replied with an edge in his voice.

"Dean…" I said as tears brimmed my eyes.

"I knew there was something you weren't telling me. But I didn't think he had something to do with it." He said frowning harder only he sounded sad now.

"He has everything to do with it." I replied. "But I hoped I wouldn't have to tell you about it just yet. You haven't been back very long."

"Just tell me." He told me.

I sighed and put my arms around him. "I love you. More than anything just remember that." I told him.

He pulled my arms from around his neck and took my hands in his. "Tell me what happened."

Taking a deep breath, my eyes darted as I thought of how to start. "I'd known Cass for a couple months. He had been around nearly every day. He shouldn't have. I'm pretty sure he was probably breaking the rules. I got to know him and he got to know me. You were dead and I couldn't bring you back. I tried and I failed." I told him and paused. "I had to face the fact that you were gone for good. I didn't know what else to do. So, for a while, I took a break. And Cass kept stopping by. He kept showing up and he made me smile again. He made me laugh. He made me feel like it was okay to move on. Only I didn't know who he was. I didn't know he was an angel. I just thought he was another man. The man I thought was going to help me get over you. The only person I felt at all connected to since I lost you." I paused again and stared at Dean, trying to read his expression. I couldn't. "I had fought a group of vampires, killing a couple of them. They came back looking for me. Cass appeared and killed them. He had been there for me during the hardest time of my life. And…" I said trying to get the words out of my mouth. "We slept together." I said quickly. "We shared one night together. It was that night that he told me what he was. I dismissed him. Told him to leave. I did the same thing every time I saw him after that. He managed to convince me to hear him out the night he brought me to you." I finished.

Dean's face was blank. I didn't know what he was thinking. All I knew was that I didn't want him to hate me. He was my husband. I was his wife. He had to forgive me for this. The only problem was that I felt like he was going to have to forgive me more than once. That thought scared me. I didn't want to lose him. I wouldn't survive it.

"Please say something." I told him.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked.

"That you forgive me." I said as tears ran down my face. He just looked at me. "Dean, you were dead. He was there and I didn't know who he was. I didn't know what he was or what he was planning on doing. You can't be mad at me for just trying to do what you asked me to do." I told him trying to make it better somehow.

"You slept with our angel." He replied.

"That's all you have to say?" I frowned at him. He just looked at me. "I need you to say more than that."

"I'm not mad." He finally said.

"You're not?" I asked. I didn't believe him.

"No." He said.

"Why don't I believe you?" I frowned at him.

"You're right. It's not your fault if you didn't know what he was. You had no idea what he was going to do. And I did ask you to move on." He said and pulled me into his arms.

"I love you, Dean Winchester. The day you came back was the happiest day of my life." I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I love you, Evy Winchester." He said and kissed me deeply. "Thanks for telling me."

"I was going to tell you." I told him. "I was just waiting for the right time. You all don't seem to like Cass much and he means something to me. I didn't want it to interfere with what was going on. Everything got much bigger when I found out that he was the one who pulled you out."

"I understand." He said and kissed me again.

"Do you?" I asked worriedly.

"I do." He said and kissed me again.

"I'm kinda freaking out right now. You're taking this much better than I would have thought." I told him quickly.

He sighed and kissed me passionately, dipping me gently. "You're here. You're with me. That was before." He told me, swinging me back up. "I get that he means something to you. You don't just forget someone you care about because your dead fiancé comes back to life."

"It should and it did. But he's in our lives and it's hard not to feel for him after…everything." I replied.

"I get it. So stop trying to justify it." He said softly.

"Okay." I nodded. "Thank you for understanding."

"You're my wife. I'll always be there for you and I'll always want you." He said and took my hand. "Now let's get back." I nodded and leaned against him as we started our walk back to the motel.

Windsor jumped up onto the bed and collapsed with a heavy sigh. I smiled and stroked him before going into the bathroom. Dean followed and turned on the shower. I had a chill from the water. It was a good idea. I couldn't help but laugh as he pulled me into it. It was a relief to know that he didn't hate me. But part of me felt like it was going to come back at some point. But for now I would try and put it behind us. We had more pressing issues and we would all need to get along in order for it to be done.

Once night fell I sat in bed still wide awake. Every time I shut my eyes Cass's face appeared. He had been so still. His face calm as I feared he was slipping away. It was wrong. I shouldn't feel so much for him. I was happy that Dean understood but it didn't take away the feelings I had for Cass. I wished I could make them go away. Sighing, I got out of bed and went outside. It was nearly the full moon, making it big and bright on this clear night. Motel's always had picnic benches. I smiled at the wooden furniture before sitting on top of it. For a moment I felt like all I was going to do was enjoy the moon when tears filled my eyes and I started to cry. I bent over my knees, burying my face in my crossed arms.

"Evy."

I looked up to see Cass. Relief flowed through me, for a moment I tried to keep myself in check, fighting the urge to rush to him. In the end I couldn't hold out, stepping off the table and rushed to him. I threw my arms around his neck, a new wave of tears coming out. I buried my face in his neck and cried, holding him as tight as I could. He did the same, holding me so tight that I could hardly breathe. I ran my hand down the back of his head, gripping his hair. When I calmed down, I took his face in my hands, just looking at him. He just looked back before pulling my face to his, kissing me deeply. I found myself kissing him back. Feeling the passion that was there before. Loving the taste of his tongue. Wanting more. But my senses kicked in and I pulled away from him. He kept me against him but he didn't try again. I sighed, running my hands down his chest, he kissed my forehead. I put my forehead against his chest, hiding the tears that were falling.

"I was so scared, Cass." I told him quietly.

"I know. I could feel it." He said putting his hand on my face, gently lifting it to look at him.

"You were just lying there and I didn't know what to do. All I know is that if anything happens to you…" I said and shook my head.

"Me too." He said putting his forehead against mine.

"But you can't do that again. We can't be close like that. Or like this even." I told him. "I'm married and married women don't kiss other men."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too." I sighed and ran my fingers down his face. "Can you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Don't do anything like that again." I smiled at him.

"I'll do my best." He smiled back.

"What happened anyway?" I asked, serious again.

"I can't tell you right now." He replied. I nodded. "I want to. But I can't."

"I understand. Don't worry about it." I replied.

He sighed and ran his fingers through my hair. "You should sleep."

"Now that I've seen you I probably can." I told him and put my arms around his neck. "I'm happy you're okay. And I should probably mention that Dean knows." He pulled me away from him with a frown. "I didn't have a choice. He knew I was hiding something and he saw the way I reacted to you so I had to tell him."

"How did you react?" Cass asked curiously.

"I reacted more than I should. I care too much and Dean saw that. I had to tell him. He understands. But that doesn't mean he won't take a shot at you the next time he sees you." I told him quickly. Cass simply smiled and kissed my forehead again before he disappeared. "Night." I said into the air and turned back to the room. Crawling back into bed I felt like I could finally get some sleep. But as soon as my eyes shut they flew open again. The worst realization in the world had finally reared its ugly head. I was falling in love with him. I had fallen in love with him. I was in love with two men. What the hell did that mean? What the hell was I going to do? What the hell was wrong with me?


	12. Inner Demons

_**Chapter Twelve: Inner Demons**_

Panic moved through my veins. I wasn't going to make it. The headlights were directly behind me. The engine was roaring. The gas pedal was against the floor. _What did I do?_ The question kept repeating itself over and over again in my mind. It finally stopped when the truck slammed into the back of my car. It jostled me, sending more panic to run through me. I quickly pulled my seatbelt on. I didn't want to die, despite my actions tonight. What was I going to do now? I wasn't going to get out of this unless one of us was in the ditch. The truck hit me again. I could see his face in my rearview mirror. The grin that was smeared on his face made my eyes narrow and part of the fear was replaced with anger. I may have taunted but he was the one who brought the rain. Only no one messes with me. Fear is a part of life. Fear is normal. But I'm a hunter and you don't mess with hunters. Especially when their afraid.

The next thing I knew I was hitting the brakes. He slammed into the back of the car. I turned the wheel as the car shifted to the side. Hitting the gas again I headed the opposite direction. He skidded to a stop as I did the same. I could've just driven away, could've just let it go. Instead I whipped the car around. I raced toward the truck. He hit the gas, smoke streaming from behind his tires. My eyes narrowed as the game of chicken ensued. Was I crazy? Yes. Was I more than likely going to lose? Yes. So why was I doing it? I don't know. I guess I was more screwed up then I thought.

Giving the wheel a sharp jerk, I hit the truck on its left corner. The headlight exploded and I skidded across the side of the truck. As my car rounded the end of the truck, I started to lose control. I managed to get it back, speeding down the road, away from the truck. But the headlight was back in my rearview and he was coming fast. I had moved him past fun and into pissed off and out for blood. He slammed into the back again before coming up along the left side. He veered away before slamming into the side of the car. I raised my arm to shield my face as the glass shattered. He did it again. I surprised myself that I was still on the road. But that small realization was enough for me to lose my concentration. He backed off enough to hit my back corner. As the car moved to the side he hit the gas and now was pushing me along the road. The headlight was blinding me as I tried to focus on what was happening.

Memories flooded my mind. I died the last time this happened. The semi…the blood…the leaving. I left Dean that day. I _left_ him. What the hell was I doing? I jerked the wheel and managed to get out from in front of it. Only the action made it unstable. A bump in the road just added to it and pretty soon I felt the car tilt and soon I was bracing myself as the car started to roll. I instinctively put my hands on the roof of the car. I felt pain as the roof caved in and I felt metal puncture my hand. After the fifth roll the car finally settled on its left side. I could feel the pulse of pain as I lifted myself from the pavement. I could feel the blood from the road rash that covered my arm. I was dazed. My breathing and heartbeat were the prominent sounds in my ears. I looked up, seeing the moon and the stars. I nodded to myself as I slowly climbed from the car. I managed to crawl out of the window before falling to the pavement. For a second I just laid there. Just laid there and was just happy to be alive.

Then footsteps caught my ears and I turned to see the man from the truck limping toward me. I rolled to my feet. My legs were fine. I held myself high and moved towards him. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. If he still wanted to go then we were gonna go. I widened my stance and ducked as he threw the first punch. He swung again, I leaned back to avoid it. He yelled with anger as I avoided another blow. He rushed forward and grabbed me. He threw me to the ground before kicking my abdomen. Grabbing his foot as he came at me again I managed to put him off balance, getting to my feet. Then I threw my own. I hit him hard across the face. Hard enough to make him fall. Hard enough to knock him out. No more playing. No more, just…no more.

Stumbling a few steps I fell to my knees. My body was full of pain. Bad, bad pain. Which meant I was alive. I was alive. Usually death was a little more peaceful so, for right now, I was still very much alive. I felt in my pocket for my phone. I had put it on silent. There were twelve missed calls from Dean. Some from both Sam and Bobby. I just put the phone back in my pocket and looked to the sky. I had started the night in the hopes of being alone. I wanted to continue to be alone. I wasn't going to call. None of them. Only one could find me with ease and I didn't want to see him. Of all people, I didn't want to see him. _Not him_.

"What are you doing?" The familiar husky voice asked.

I practically broke down at the sound. I shook my head as tears fell down my cheeks. Looking up I saw Cass. "Please go away." I told him breathlessly.

"What happened?" He asked walking toward me.

"No." I said putting up my hand. "Just stop."

"Let me help you." He said holding out his hands.

"No." I said and slowly got to my feet. "I need you to go away."

"Why?" He asked.

"Because you confuse things. You confuse things and I can't have you confusing things." I said and tried to walk but ended up on my knees again. He moved to me, reaching for me. "No." I said shaking my head.

"Evy, please." He said kneeling in front of me.

I continued to shake my head as I averted my eyes. I didn't want to look at him. I _couldn't_ look at him. I wanted to just be alone. Wanted some sort of relief. I wanted my husband. Instead I had an angel kneeling in front of me.

"Please look at me." Cass said sadly.

"I can't." I told him. "I can't."

"Please, Evy, just look at me." He said slowly lifting my chin. I shut my eyes, frowning, wishing that they wouldn't open. "Open your eyes." He said gently.

"I don't want to." I told him.

"Open your eyes."

I tried to resist. Tried to keep them shut. But I couldn't. I opened my eyes. His eyes were a piercing blue. They were looking through me. They were seeing everything I was. Everything I am. Tears filled my eyes and all I wanted to do was look away, but I couldn't. They held me. Held me and wouldn't let me go.

"Where's Dean?" I asked him.

He sighed and lowered his eyes. I took a deep breath, feeling his hold on me release. "Let me heal you." He replied.

"No. Not yet." I told him.

"Why not?" He asked with a frown.

"Because he needs to be here first. I can't have you heal me without him."

"Why?"

"Because I can't be alone with you anymore. I just can't. The pain will hold me back. But if you heal me…if you…touch me…if you…if you just…" I said and couldn't go on. He didn't listen. In the next second the pain was gone. I stood and frowned at him. "Go away, Cass."

"Let me take you to your husband." He replied.

"No!" I yelled and moved away from him. "Don't touch me."

He sighed and disappeared. I turned and ran my fingers through my hair. I almost wanted the pain from the accident back. The pain without it was worse. The conflict within my own body. Wanting things I shouldn't. Feeling things I shouldn't. Why couldn't things just be cut and dry? Why couldn't I just be happy? I had the guy. I had everything I wanted but still I couldn't find my happy place and stay there. I sat on the pavement and looked at the scene. Two cars with small fires. A man unconscious on the pavement. Tire tracks everywhere with car parts littering the road. I couldn't help but laugh. I caused this. This was my fault and I did it for nothing. There was no motive. There was nothing to push me to do any of this but my own misery. My own demons led me to this. I wasn't any better than the demons we fought.

"Evy!"

I looked up to see Dean running toward me. "I'm sorry!" I told him quickly getting to my feet. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

He didn't say a word; he simply took my head in his hands and kissed me. Kissed me like it was the first and last time. Kissed me till I couldn't breathe.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded. "Good." He said and kissed me again.

"I'm sorry, Dean." I told him again.

"Why are you so sorry?" He frowned at me.

"I…caused this. I was out and then I got into a bar fight and then it turned into a car chase and then…this." I said motioning to the scene.

"You weren't hurt?" He asked.

"Oh, no, I was." I told him nodding. "Not life threatening or anything but…there was blood."

"But…" He said looking me up and down.

"Cass…" I said running my fingers through my hair.

"He always seems to show up doesn't he?" He replied sounding agitated.

"He really does." I told him. "I told him to leave but he wouldn't."

"You were going to just stay here hurt and alone?" He frowned.

"No. I would have found a way to get back. My phone still worked." I replied.

"You couldn't even walk." Cass stated from a few feet away.

"Shut up." I frowned at him. Dean just looked at me. "I was fine. I was just shaken up. Once the adrenaline ebbed out I would have been fine. I would have called and gotten back to you. I didn't plan this." I told him.

"You're lucky an angel saved your ass." Dean told me.

"I don't think he should be around anymore." I said quickly.

"Why not? Is there something else going on?" He asked.

"No!" I replied angrily. "And yes! I don't know!" I said pacing away from him. "And this is the problem."

"I just don't make you happy anymore do I?" Dean said with a small laugh.

"What?" I said turning back to him. "That is so far from true you have no idea."

"Then what is it between you and him?" He shot at me.

"Ask him!" I yelled pointing at Cass. "I can repeat myself only so much. I said no. I said no closeness. It can't be anything like before. I told him that. How many times do have to tell him that?"

Dean sighed and put his hands on my arms. "I'm sorry. This whole thing is…I don't even know what it is."

"Neither do I." I replied putting my hands on his chest. "He makes things confusing. I don't want to be confused. I already know what I want and I have it. I just was not prepared to deal with all of this. Between you being alive, and Sam using powers from demon blood, and an angel showing up all the time…" I said and shook my head. "I wasn't prepared to deal with all of this."

"I'll take you both home." Cass told us.

"Just, go away." I told him.

"Evy." Dean said gently.

"What?" I shot at him. "Now you want me to be nice to him? He's the reason I'm struggling with all my feelings and shit and you want me to be nice to him?"

"Evy, just calm down." He told me.

"He knows what he's doing. He keeps showing up and it's always when I'm all alone. When I'm vulnerable and should be in your arms. Instead he shows up with his words and brings up before and…and…and I'm done." I said pacing away from him again.

"What exactly are you done with?" Dean asked. "Just to clarify."

"Him!" I yelled pointing at Castiel. "And for being the damsel in distress. For being the one who has to cry all the time. For being weak and scared and unable to deal with shit. Hell, I'm done with life in general. I'm just done." I said and walked away from them.

"Evy, stop." Dean said annoyance in his voice.

I whipped around and pointed at him. "Don't talk to me like that. Don't talk to me like I'm being ridiculous. Like this is just a tantrum that I'll get over in a few minutes. I am tired, Dean. Can't I have just a small amount of relief?"

"Was this what it was? Relief?" He asked gesturing to the scene. "Was this the relief you were looking for? Nearly killing yourself?" I just looked at him. "What happened to you, Evy? What happened to my wife?"

"I don't know." I said shaking my head. "Maybe this was my way of asking for help when I didn't know how."

"You can talk to me. You've always been able to talk to me." He said sadly.

"I know." I said nodding. "Then you died and I was put through hell. An emotional hell that this man helped me get through. Then he gets just about as close to me as anyone has and, without preparing me, takes me to you. I had no time to get used to any of it. To having you alive. To saying goodbye to him. There was no in between. I went from feeling for one man to feeling for the man I lost. How do you do that?" I asked him with tears in my eyes.

"I don't know." He replied shaking his head.

"Exactly. Neither do I." I replied. "But I'm in love with two men. I love you more. I know that. But he holds more of me then I thought and it hurts. Maybe time apart is in order. You all fight the apocalypse and I'll just keep fighting." I said falling to my knees. "I'm tired of trying to be what everyone wants me to be. I'm hurt and I'm confused and I'm tired."

He knelt in front of me and took my hands. "You're not going anywhere. Let me help. How can I help?" He asked. I looked up at him. "I'm not giving up on you. You're mine. Not his. I don't care if you love him. I don't care if he loves you. I didn't go to Hell and back just to lose you. Not now. Not ever. I'm keeping you and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure I do."

"Since when are you so understanding? I feel like you're letting me get away with too much. I love you. God, I love you so much. I'm sorry I'm all broken inside. But thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me." I told him, squeezing his hands. He just winked and kissed me.

As much as Cass seemed to hold a part of me Dean still had all of me. With Cass it was lust. With Dean it was love. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gently cried. I was shaking and he simply held me against him. But throughout all of this there was one thing we hadn't thought of. The fact that there was a man on the ground that I had knocked out, who we hadn't added into the equation yet tonight. Smiling at Dean we both got to our feet. He put his arm around me, turning back toward Cass. I rested my head against Dean's chest but for a second my eyes met Cass's. I had been trying to be so angry at him even though I wasn't. I didn't want to be angry at him even though I frowned at him. Then time seemed to stand still. There was a gun shot, then pain in the middle of my chest that faded almost instantaneously. Everything was moving in slow motion as Dean caught me in his arms. Cass was in front of me in a second. I put my hand on his face as he did the same. Putting my other hand over Dean's arms, he slowly lowered me to the ground. I could see the panic in Cass's eyes. Yet they told me so much more. In the next second he wasn't in front of me anymore and Dean's voice was a whisper in my ear. It was already hard to breathe.

"Dean." I said as the fear threatened to take control.

"Baby, you're gonna be all right." He said holding me tight.

"I'm just screwing up everywhere lately." I smiled as I tried to breathe.

He actually laughed before kissing me deeply. It was then that I saw the pain written all over his face. I ran my fingers down his face, staring into his eyes.

"No, you're not." He said shaking his head. "You're not screwing up. You could never screw up enough for me to ever think less of you."

"I doubt that." I smiled.

"Just hang on." He told me. "Cass!" He yelled.

"Guess it's a perk of having…an…angel around." I told him and tried to take a breath. "Even if I die." Shallow breath. "He can bring me back." I said and lifted my chin toward him. He smiled and kissed me sweetly before there was a small shudder in his breathing. "Don't worry. Cass will bring me back." I smiled before I couldn't see him anymore and everything fell away.

* * *

><p>My eyes fluttered open and the first thing I saw was Dean's face. He was staring at me. A smile crossed his lips and I quickly kissed him. He was holding me. Everything seemed perfect. Despite everything that had happened this man still loved me. He still loved me and would have me for the rest of my life whether I deserved it or not. I didn't deserve him. I always thought I did. That I had changed him for the better and that that somehow made me deserving of him. He had always been the one shining light in my life. I gave everything to him. I would give everything for him. But I didn't deserve him. I just got lucky.<p>

"You are a wonderful man." I whispered to him.

He gave a short laugh and shook his head. "I'm not that wonderful."

"You really, really are." I smiled and kissed him deeply. "How long have you been laying here with me?" He put his hand in between my breasts and frowned. "Clearly, I'm fine." I told him.

"You weren't fine." He replied.

I remembered the fading. Remembered what I had told him. "So, Cass had to…he, uh…" I said but couldn't get the words out.

"It's not any more comforting watching you die knowing you can be brought back. There's no comfort in that." He told me sadly.

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault." He replied.

"Yes it was. I started it. I was freaking out. I'm pretty sure I am still freaking out. But I didn't want to die. I would never want it to go that far." I told him comfortingly.

"I know." He nodded. "And you're gonna have to thank Cass." He said softly.

"Dean." I said shortly.

"He saved you. I thought you looked bad when he was in trouble. He was in agony. You're gonna have to talk to him." He told me.

"You actually want me to." I frowned at him. "I would think you'd want me to stay as far away from him. Both me and him seem to have declared a certain level of love here. Why would you want me to talk to him?"

"Because I know that at the end of the day you come to my bed. Not his." He smiled and kissed me.

I narrowed my eyes but smiled at him, kissing him again. "Fine."

"Thank you."

"You're being awfully diplomatic and understanding and that's just not you. You're really starting to worry me." I frowned at him.

"You're my wife. I support you. I'll help you through anything you need me to. This is one of those things." He told me, running his fingers through my hair.

"I love you, husband." I said and kissed him repeatedly.

"Love you too, wife." He smiled.

"And, again, fine. I'll go talk to him." I said and rolled out of bed.

"Right now?" Dean frowned.

"The sooner the better. Then he can go do his angel work and we can do our work." I said and kissed him before stepping outside. I took a deep breath. "Cass?" He didn't come. "Cass, please."

"I'm here." He said from behind me.

Turning, I crossed my arms and looked at him. I wasn't sure what I was going to say. I felt like I owed him for then two words. I owed him more. "Thank you." I told him.

"You're welcome." He replied with a sad expression.

"I'm really grateful for what you did. I'm also sorry that you had to do it." I said gently. "It was never my intention for anything like that to happen."

"I know." He replied and his hand looked like he wanted to reach out for me.

"Cass…" I said and paused, tears filling my eyes. "I love you. Part of me loves you and that scares me. I'm in love with Dean and I'm married to Dean but…there are times…when you're here that that feeling is shared and I never thought that would happen."

"I shouldn't have shown myself. Not at the beginning." He told me.

"No. You shouldn't have. If you hadn't then whatever there is between us would never have happened." I replied. He lowered his head, a frown clear on his face. It was harsh and it hurt me to hurt him. But I had to hurt him. I had to hurt myself in order to put an end to this. Only what I was really feeling seemed to always get in the way. "But I love what happened. You were there and you made me feel again. You were the guy who helped me get over Dean and now he's back and I can't have you. I can't have both of you and that's scary and confusing and makes me really sad. Because…I love you."

"I love you too." He replied quietly. "I'm not even sure what that really means. But I do. I have never felt this way before." He told me, meeting my eyes. "Being in this vessel makes me want you in ways I've never known. I can't have you and they won't let me have you. Dean is yours and you are his. I understand that. There's just this feeling that makes me want to fight him for the right to have you. Even a little piece."

I closed my eyes, tears running down my cheeks. "You already have a piece and it's not so little." I told him and opened my eyes again. "But I am Dean's. But I also want you around. I want you to be here. It sucks. It sucks and I know that but…I can't help it. I'm hoping it'll pass. I'm sorry if that hurts. But I do. I hope that it passes and I can just be happy with Dean. But for right now, I need you here. I need you. I'm scared because I need you so much." I told him, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

He just looked at me and slowly moved toward me. "Let me…hold you…just for a moment."

I understood the look in his eyes. I've had the same look in mine before. It might have been the tone of his voice, or the way he moved, but my heart broke with every step. He understood what I was saying and I knew that he would try and see it my way. Try and keep distance without leaving. Try and do what I asked. But right now, in this moment, him holding me, that's all I wanted.

I tried to hold in the sobs but he had me in his arms a second later. Wrapping my arms around his neck I breathed him in, closing my eyes, feeling his muscles underneath my hands. Feeling his hair in between my fingers. I could feel him doing the same. He held me so tight. He was shaking. I was shaking. This whole thing was just too much. In the next second there was a cool breeze flowing over me. I opened my eyes to see woods. To see the moon behind me. The stars brighter than I could remember ever seeing them before.

"Cass…" I said hugging him tighter.

"You have a thing for the moon." He replied softly.

"I really do." I smiled and released him, taking his face in my hands.

A small smile crossed his face and he kissed me. It was hot. It was passionate. It felt amazing. Leaning into him I kissed him back, feeling his tongue against mine. My heart was racing, my mind empty. In this moment it was just me and him. Me, him, and the moon.

* * *

><p>We were laughing. It was honest to god laughter. There were leaves and pinecones. The trees around us, the moon and stars above us. This wasn't what I had planned and I should have been so guilty. I had no doubt that the guilt would come. But in this moment I was happy. Maybe it was the itch I had needed to scratch and we could go back to the way things were. I had been trying so hard to not feel this way. Maybe this would put those feelings to rest. But I was laughing. Our problems weren't as big as they appeared to be. Not in this moment.<p>

"Stop, okay, stop!" I yelled grabbing his hands away from my sides. I held his hand in mine. "This is so wrong." I told him, though a smile was still on my face.

"Yes it is." He said though his smile faded some.

I stared up at the moon. It was beautiful. Cass was running his fingers back and forth across my chest. I turned my head, resting it against his. He kissed my neck sweetly. Sighing, I placed a kiss on his forehead. He sighed and rolled onto his back. I frowned at the small distance that put between us.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Dean is calling." He replied.

"I guess the dream is over." I told him as I sat up, reaching for my clothes.

"It doesn't have to be." He said pulling me back down.

I laughed and kissed him. "Yes it does." I told him, running my fingers through his hair. "I needed this. I think we both needed this. To see it through. But now it's over. It has to be. I cheated on Dean. It can't happen again."

"He'll forgive you." He told me.

"Yes, he will. But I'm not going to tell him if I can help it. Not yet. He's being very supportive of all of this and it's time I support him."

"That's it then. One more night." He said sadly.

"Yes." I said and kissed him once more.

He nodded and stood up. I ogled him as he got dressed, sad when it was over. Sighing, I stood and did the same, making sure all the foliage was out of my hair. When we were ready Cass pulled me against him.

"Time to go." He said sadly.

"Yes it is." I replied and the city appeared again.

We were still in the shadows. I could see Dean, hear him calling for Cass. I just watched him for a moment before taking a step toward him. Cass grabbed my hand. I stopped and looked up at him. He pulled me to him, putting his fingers through my hair. That sad look was back on his face. He lowered his face toward mine, paused right before giving me a long kiss. I smiled at him, kissing him sweetly before running my hand across his chest as I walked away from him.

"I can do this." I told myself as I walked toward my husband.

He turned and saw me. Relief moved across his face and he smiled at me. I smiled back before running the distance between us. I threw my arms around his neck.

"Where have you been?" He asked.

"Silencing the chaos in my head." I smiled.

"Did it work?" He smirked at me.

"Let me think." I said and looked into the sky. "Hmmm, you're the only thing I can think of so…yeah, I think it worked." I smiled and kissed him. He grinned and kissed me deeply.

"You taste different." He said sadly.

"I know." I replied. "Come on." I said and led him toward our room.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" He asked as he fell backward onto the bed.

"Do you want me to?" I asked as I crawled on top of him.

"I can guess." He replied.

"Please do." I told him.

"You slept with him." He said flatly.

"Don't start with the easy ones." I frowned down at him.

"It's okay if you did." He told me.

I sighed and rolled off of him. "Dean, are you even you anymore?" I asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He frowned.

"You die, go to Hell, come back, and are more understanding of the hard things then you normally would be." I told him.

"You did, didn't you?" He replied.

I just looked at him for a moment. "Yes. So, how is that okay?" I asked.

"Because it needed to happen." He replied. "I came back in the middle of you two. I could tell. Everyone could. It needed to happen."

"So you just sat back and let it?" I frowned.

"You were tearing yourself up. Between lust and guilt you were drifting away from me." He replied sadly.

"Not on purpose. The last thing I want is to hurt you." I said putting my hand on his face. "But I think you were right. Tonight was what I needed. It was the closure to the whole Cass thing. I'm hoping that I can just see him as a normal Joe from now on."

"Does that mean I get my wife back?" He asked hopeful.

"You'll have me forever." I told him, kissing him deeply.

"So, I can stop being jealous?" He asked.

I smiled at him, "Never."


	13. Reality Part I

_**Chapter Thirteen: Reality Part I**_

Sleep is amazing. It was the best night's sleep I could remember having for a long time. Happily dozing, an arm moved around me, his fingers lacing with mine. I smiled and kissed his knuckles as he buried his face in my hair before placing a kiss there. I groaned happily and rolled over. Opening my eyes I saw Cass. Confusion spread through me as I looked at him. He kissed me before rolling out of bed. I watched him as he walked into the bathroom, hearing him turn the shower on. Laying there I tried not to freak out. Nothing was familiar. I had no idea where I was. This wasn't my room. These weren't my things. _What the hell is going on? Where's Dean?_ No answer had come to me when the shower turned off. I rolled over and stared at the picture on the nightstand. Cass's and my smiling faces were staring back at me. I felt him crawl back into bed and his arms wrapped around me. I shut my eyes before rolling onto my back. Opening my eyes I met his blue ones. _How is this happening?_

"Morning." He smiled and kissed me before rolling back out of bed.

"What?" I said as I propped myself up on my elbows. His voice wasn't as husky as it usually was.

"Morning, Windsor." He said and stroked the dog at the end of the bed.

"Windsor." I whispered and the dog looked at me and yawned.

"You didn't forget did you?" He asked me as he started to get dressed.

"Cass?" I said frowning at him.

"I have that meeting this morning." He said looking at my questioning face.

"Meeting?" I said frowning harder. "Cass, what is going on here? Where's Dean?"

"Dean? Again?" He asked sadly.

"What do you mean?" I asked him getting out of bed.

"Dean hasn't been around for a long time." He said and walked up to me.

"I don't understand." I said looking at my feet.

"Are you okay?" He frowned putting his hands on my arms.

I gave a short laugh and he just looked at me. "I don't know." I told him.

"Should I be worried?" He frowned. He already sounded worried.

"Honestly, I don't know." I said and looked back down at my feet.

"Baby?" He said lifting my chin with the side of his finger.

Meeting his eyes, I couldn't help but lie. Until I figured out what was going on. "Honey, I'm sorry." I said putting my hands on his chest. "I just slept a little funny."

"Another nightmare?" He asked.

"Something like that." I frowned at him. "I'll be fine." I said putting a smile on my face.

"Are you sure?" He asked sweetly. "If you need me to –"

"Don't even think about it." I said cutting him off. "Your meeting is important so don't you worry about me."

"Not to sound repetitive but, are you sure?" He asked pulling me against him. I nodded and kissed him. "Okay, I'm gonna go to my meeting and we'll talk about this later. We're still on for lunch, right?" He asked.

"Of course. Remind me where again?" I asked him.

"Carmen's." He replied.

"Okay. Sorry." I smiled at him.

"Baby, are you sure you're okay?" He said putting his hand on my face.

Looking up at him I nodded, "Yeah."

"Okay." He said and kissed me deeply.

I watched him finish getting ready for work, helping him with his tie. Whatever this was, I had a feeling I'd have to play it out in order to figure out what was going on. He looked good in a suit. He looked sharp. I smiled up at him, gently running my fingers through his hair.

"I gotta go." He said and kissed me.

"Good luck." I told him.

"Thanks." He smiled and kissed me again. "I love you."

"Love you too." I replied before he left the room.

Sitting back down on the bed I took a deep breath. I looked at the ring on my finger. It wasn't the one Dean had given me but it was still beautiful. It was still white gold but was a wave style. It was more elegant then the one I was used to but the diamond was smaller in the center though several ran down either side. Twenty-three to be exact. The band that kissed it held diamonds around the top half. At least another thirty. I was in awe of it. "What the hell is going on here?" I asked my dog who was staring at me. He licked my chin gently. "I'm fine." I told him.

Looking around the room, it was unfamiliar. I looked back at the picture on the nightstand of me and Cass. I picked it up and stared at it. We were hugging each other with huge grins on our faces. We were standing in front of a house. Must be where I was now. I put it back and quickly moved to the closet. It was full of clothes and shoes, among other things. Mine were next to his. Suits, polo's, t-shirts, flannels...everything that normal people had. It was a master bedroom. It had a nice bathroom with all the normal things. Our toothbrushes, his razor, everything. Turning back to the room, I took in the bedroom. Three walls were white; the wall behind the bed was red. It was a cherry blossom theme; black decals in the corners, the flowers on them red. There was a long floating shelf above the bed with pictures from our wedding sitting on it. There were other floating shelves, all black, staggered around the room with pictures on some, scented oils on others. It was beautiful. Even the comforter was white with black cherry blossom pattern on it, the blossoms on them red just like the decals. It all fit together so well I never knew I was so creative. The thought made me smile; still not knowing how all this was possible.

Opening the door I looked out into a long hallway. There were pictures running the length of one wall. Three doors on the other. The first thing I did was look in the rooms, unable to curb my curiosity. The room across from the bedroom was his office. Looking at the certificates on the wall it turned out that he was a lawyer. He was still helping people. A smile crossed my face. I touched the ring on my finger. I still didn't understand what was going on. But freaking out wasn't going to help. The other room was a spare room, decorated with nature scenes. I would totally do that. The third was a guest bathroom, artic themed. I loved it.

Turning back to the hall I looked at the pictures on the wall. They were all of Cass and me. It looked like it spanned from dating years, to the engagement, to the wedding, and then to after. We looked so happy. My life was on this wall. Everything I ever longed for was on this wall. Laughing in the bar. Holding hands in the park. Cuddling on the couch. Posing with the dog. This was a life. A life I could never expect to live. This wasn't real. How the hell could this be real?

Windsor whined. He was sitting at the top of the stairs. I smiled and walked toward him, rubbing his ear as we went down the floating staircase, laughing excitedly as I did. The house was bigger than I thought. There was a large entryway at the bottom on the stairs. A mirror on one wall with a small bench one either side of it. The door was twice as long as it needed to be, a deep mahogany that shone in the sunlight. Tall plants were in either corner and I couldn't help but touch them to make sure they were real. There was open space underneath the staircase, a door there, assuming it was storage. There were hallways on either side of the stairs while the left opened up into an extravagant living room with a large couch, two recliners, a fireplace, and a mantel with more pictures of me and Cass on it, as well as a glass cylinder with black and white sand combined in it. There was a bay window seat next to the fireplace. It looked like a perfect place to read. Then I noticed the book sitting on top of a blanket. Smiling, I turned around to see a small curved hall. I walked down it before coming into a small den. It had the latest entertainment systems. Surprisingly, there were no windows, but there were so many candles about the room that they would shed more than enough light. There was a love seat in front of the TV with recliners pushed back into two of the corners. The perfect place to spend an evening in with the one you loved.

This house was amazing. It was nothing like I had ever seen. It was more than I could've asked for and it seemed to be mine. Windsor whined again and I nodded at him. I sighed and went down the other hall, seeing the kitchen ahead of me. To the right were sliding doors, opening it to see a fancy dining room that could sit twelve. Smiling, I closed the doors and walked into the kitchen. There were patio doors that led out into a large fenced in yard. I let Windsor out and turned toward the smell of coffee. The kitchen was beautiful with plenty of counter space and all the appliances you'd want. I was loaded. Or, rather, _we_ were loaded. I had to remember that I was married. Married to Castiel. Pouring myself a cup of coffee I opened the fridge to find all my favorite things. I moved to the cupboards to find the same. I was in shock and yet there was a hum of excitement moving through me. Walking to the patio doors I looked out to see a nice spacious deck with a nice outdoor table set with a grill. There was a hammock hung between two large trees in the back of the yard. Windsor noticed me at the door and ran back up to them. Letting him in I watched him run to a big dog bed in the corner with his bowls next to it. This was all more than I could have hoped for. More than I would have dreamed for. I would have been happy with half of this, but here it was…mine. I was jarred from my revelry when the phone rang. I frowned and looked at the phone on the counter.

"Hello?" I said answering it.

"Good, you're awake." A woman told me. "You probably couldn't sleep after Cass left."

"Not today." I replied, trying to sound like I knew what she was talking about.

"Don't worry, they'll get the account." She told me. "So, I'll meet you at your place at eleven okay? Then we can go meet the guys." She told me.

Frowning, I looked at the clock. It was just after nine. "Sounds good."

"Are you okay? You sound a little off." She said sounding concerned.

"I'm fine. Just hoping the meeting goes well." I replied.

"It'll be fine. They'll blow them out of the water."

"Of course they will." I smiled.

"That's better." She told me.

"Sorry." I told her.

"Don't be. I gotta shower. I'll see you in a little bit."

"Yeah, me too. Sounds good." I told her and hung up. "Who the hell was that?" I asked my dog. He cocked his head and made a funny noise. "Yeah, I know, I know. I'm not myself today."

I took my cup of coffee upstairs and into the master bath. There were double doors to the bathroom made of fogged glass. It was separated into two rooms by a large sliding door. The first room had the toilet, sink, and shower. The far room held a small table with the large Jacuzzi tub. Candles were lined on top of the table and in the corners of the tub. A mirror was behind it with an orchid suspended above it.

"What the hell?" I asked but a smile crept along my face. "Gorgeous! Whatever the hell is going on here is fantastic. Dean would love this room." Then it dawned on me that he wasn't here. Not the way I wanted him to be. "What happened to us? How did I end up with Cass? How do I get back to you?" I asked myself. "Great, now I'm all depressed."

I sighed and turned back to the other room, closing the door to the wonderful room behind me. I undressed and took a long hot shower while Windsor lay on the bed and waited for me. It was very freeing walking around in the nude in my own home. I blow dried my hair, feeling the inspiration to do something with it. I had all the accessories after all. I pinned my hair partially up with the various pins I found, curling the rest with a large curling iron. I bounced the curls and smiled before going back into the bedroom. Opening the closet again I sorted through them to see what I wanted to wear. There was at least three times as many clothes as I'd owned in the last five years. They were cute clothes too. Clothes that were so not for demon hunting.

I looked out the window to see the sun shining. It looked warm out. I put on a pair of nice jeans, loving the feel of them, figure fitting and smooth. There was no blood stains or tears to be found. Smiling, I fingered through several fancy blouses, grabbing the ones that caught my eye, trying them on and looking in the floor length mirror in the corner. I felt like I was shopping in some fancy store. Only it was my closet. All these clothes were for me. All mine. Every one of them. Finally landed on a smooth peach colored blouse, I stared at my reflection. It fit tight across my bust before flowing down to my hips. It swung nicely as I swayed back and forth. I found heels to match. Might as well have some fun while I was here. Finding purses in the back I picked a small shoulder one that went with my outfit. I grinned and went downstairs again. I found a purse hanging on a hook by the garage door and emptied it into the one I had picked out.

Curiosity got the best of me and I opened the garage door to see a new ford edge sitting in front of me. It was a nice three stall garage. Enough for my car, his car, and on the farthest side was a wall of tools and a workbench. He looked to be working on something but I couldn't tell what. I grinned at the car before shutting the door. I gave a little laugh as I turned around. Windsor's ears perked and he trotted toward the front door. Then I heard the doorbell.

"The mystery woman is here." I told myself before going to the door. I took a deep breath before opening it. "Jess…" I said and my eyes grew wide.

"Evy, are you okay?" She asked walking in.

"I don't know." I said shaking my head as I stared at her. It was Jess. _Sam's_, Jess. This was unreal. I didn't know this world or what I was doing in it. But it wasn't real. This wasn't possible. "I _really_ don't know."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked me.

"No." I told her. "I'll be fine. Do you wanna drive?" I asked her.

"Sure!" She said happily. "But first…" She said eying me, "Did you finish it?"

"Finish what?" I asked confused.

"What do you mean 'what'?" She frowned and walked past me.

I followed her as she went to a door under the stairs. I had assumed it was a closet but she opened it to reveal stairs. There was a short flight before a small landing as it made a ninety degree turn. Jess went down and I followed her. As soon as we made the turn there was a small banister to reveal a massive basement. This world just kept getting better and better. There was a wall down the middle of it. It was like a 'his' and 'hers' type room. To the left was Cass's man cave. Brown leather furniture with sports jersey's and pictures on the walls. A corner bar with wood paneling making the walls. Typical. Jess moved to the right. I finally followed her to see her looking at a large canvas. There were canvas's everywhere. Partially finished ones, completed ones, a lot of empty ones.

"It's amazing." Jess grinned and turned back to me, hugging me tightly.

Looking over her shoulder I saw what she was looking at. It was a painting of me and Cass. It was massive. I don't know how I missed it to begin with. It was of the two of us, staring into each other's eyes. The love was there. It was clear on both our faces.

"Yes, look proud. You did a fantastic job." Jess said happily. "Just in time for your anniversary."

"Yeah." I said and looked at her.

"We better go." She said and headed back toward the stairs.

I lingered and noticed something behind a stack of used canvas. Furrowing my brows I pulled it out. Dean looked back at me.

"Dean…" I said softly as I stared at it. He looked sad.

"When did you do that?" Jess asked sadly as she came back.

"I don't remember." I told her.

"He understands, you know." She told me.

"Sorry?" I frowned at her.

"Cass." She replied. "He understands how hard it's been to let him go. But you made the right choice. Castiel gave you the life you wanted. Dean's unstable. It was right to let him go."

"Unstable?" I frowned at her.

"Didn't Sam tell you?" She asked.

"Tell me what?" I asked her.

"He's gone off the deep end again. All the drinking and the fighting." She told me.

"He's angry." I told her.

"He needs to get over it." Jess told me. "You're happy. Sam probably didn't want to upset you."

"I am happy." I told her. _But this isn't my life. I'm happy with Dean. With my real husband._

"Let's go be happy with our husbands." She smiled at me.

I smiled back and nodded at her. We went back upstairs and I said goodbye to my dog before following her out to the car. She had a nice car. I hadn't looked out the front door yet. My yard was huge. There were flowers blossoming everywhere. Apple trees here and there. There was plenty of extra parking as well as a basketball hoop. I was quiet as we drove down my long driveway, lined with trees, turning onto a quiet road. The houses were spread apart nicely.

"You're quiet." Jess told me.

"I know, sorry. I just have a lot on my mind." I replied.

"Like what?" She asked.

"Just…things." I smiled at her.

"I know the show is coming up. But I thought you finished all the paintings they wanted you to do."

"I did." I told her, hoping that was true. "I just hope they're good enough. Among other things."

"Are you and Cass okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't we be?" I countered.

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking. You two are the perfect couple. It probably helped that he's been around forever but still." She told me.

"Yeah, he's great. I love him." I told her. It was the truth. Just not in the way it seemed to be here.

"I hope so." She laughed. "You've only been married for five years."

"Five years!" I exclaimed. She looked at me funny. "It feels like five minutes." I added, trying to recover.

"I know." She smiled. "Same here. I still think it's funny that our anniversaries are only a month apart." I smiled back at her. "You look fantastic by the way."

"Thank you." I grinned. "What can I say, I've got great taste." I joked with her. She laughed and nodded at me.

We passed a mansion, Glensheen printed on the sign. It was only a few minutes more when the city started to spread out before us. A huge lake to the left, hills to the right. As we kept driving I finally figured out where I was. I had been here before. It was Duluth, Minnesota. I had always thought Minnesota would be the state I'd like to settle in, but I didn't think I had mentioned it to anyone. So, why was this all happening here?

Driving out of Duluth it was about a twenty minute drive to Cloquet. It was smaller and quieter and consisted mainly of a Wal-Mart and McDonalds. It seemed like the only two places that was getting any business. We turned and drove up a big hill into residential areas. Carmen's was across the road from a cemetery with another one just down the road. It was a little odd but I was going to go with it. Demons are usually found near cemeteries so it seemed almost normal to be going to a restaurant so close to two of them. The building looked old and the inside showed it. But it was cozy. It was a bit packed considering the cars in the lot. There was a bar side and restaurant side. Jess led me through the restaurant side to a back room. It was a decent sized room. A room for large groups and get-togethers. Not for just four people, but that's how many menus were set on the table.

"The Connors party?" A little waitress asked us.

"Yes." I told her. _Connors? He took my name?_

"Evy. Jess." Another waitress said coming into the room.

"Holly!" Jess said and hugged the girl.

Holly hugged me next. "Since Cass and Sam aren't here I'm guessing that the meeting was today." She told us.

"Yup." Jess told her. "They should be here any minute."

"I'm sure it went well." Holy smiled. "I'll get you guys your usual drinks." She said and left.

Summer in Minnesota was warm but I felt a chill. Apparently we were regulars. We had a regular restaurant. A place where we always went to hang out and have fun. I always wanted a place like that. When the Roadhouse was destroyed my hopes of that were destroyed with it. This was everything I had ever wanted. A normal house. A normal husband. A normal _life_. I knew that it wasn't real. Jess was dead. I didn't have a magnificent house with a beautiful yard. I didn't paint for a gallery that sold my work. I didn't have my own awesome car. Everything that this place was I didn't have. Everything except a wonderful husband. I already had one of those. Only the one I had here wasn't mine. I wanted mine back.

"Something's up." Jess told me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry?" I asked her, looking up from my glass of wine.

"You're not acting like yourself." She replied.

"And how am I supposed to be acting?" I countered with a raised brow.

"Happier." She stated. "The firm is doing well. You and Cass are in a good place. What's with the personality shift?"

"Jess, I'm sorry." I sighed. "I'm just feeling a bit funky today."

"You're not pregnant are you?" Jess smiled at me.

"What?!" I exclaimed. "No! I don't think so anyway."

"Damn, I was hoping. You two have been trying for a while now." She smiled.

"Yeah, well, not sure a baby is what I need right now." I told her.

"You know you can talk to me, so why aren't you?" She asked.

I just looked at her. She looked so honest and we seemed to be so close in this reality. I didn't know how to answer her. How to tell her that I didn't believe that any of this was real. That I wanted to figure out a way to get out of all of this. But she was here. She was married to Sam. That was supposed to happen. She had to die, but to have her right here in front of me. To know that she's with Sam. That hurt. How was I supposed to turn away from that? She was everything Sam wanted. I was relieved to not have to answer her. The guys had finally shown up.

"Hey! Baby!" Jess said getting up to kiss her husband.

A small flutter moved through my stomach as Cass smiled at me. I stood and went to him. "Hi, Baby." I smiled and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around me. I wrapped mine around his neck, burying my face, taking him in. "How'd the meeting go?" I asked as I released him. He looked at me sadly. "Oh, honey…" I said and ran my hand down his chest.

He grinned at me, "We got the account!"

I couldn't help but be excited. I gave a little jump and put my arms around his neck again. "Oh, Baby, that's awesome!"

"It is." He said and kissed me deeply. "Worth celebrating." He whispered in my ear as he moved around me. I felt my face flush as I took my seat next to him.

"I'm so happy for you." Jess said taking Sam's hand.

"Me too." He said kissing her.

"How are you doing?" Cass asked me, gently playing with my hair.

"I'm good." I said putting my hand on his face.

"You seemed a little off this morning. You seem better now." He told me softly.

I leaned toward him, giving him a long kiss. "Don't worry about me."

"I always do." He smiled. "It's part of my job."

Smiling back I took his hand. "Don't ever stop."

He grinned and kissed me again. It was easy to play the part. We had a spectacular lunch. With the wine, food, and talk there was little that could have made it better. I was laughing and making jokes. The more I was with them the harder it was to remember that this wasn't real. But it was happening. Part of me didn't want to figure out what was wrong. I just wanted to embrace it. To live it.

"Sammy." I smiled, hugging him tight as we were getting ready to go.

"You look good, Evy." He smiled back.

"Thank you." I said and took his face in my hands. "You look good too."

"Jess told you about Dean, didn't she?" He asked.

"Yes, she did." I replied, feeling a small pit drop as I felt Cass behind me. I lowered my hands, reaching behind me to take his. "It's fine though. I can't control him. Never could." I told him. Though it was true. He was stubborn. Never could get him to do anything once he set his mind to something.

"I was just trying to keep you from any pain." He told me.

"As always." I smiled at him.

He pulled me into another hug. "It's only because I love you."

"I love you too."

"Me too." Jess said hugging me next.

"Love you." I told her.

"Can I have my wife back now?" Cass asked wrapping his arms around my waist.

We all laughed as I leaned against him. It was so normal. Looking at him, he put his hand on my face and kissed me passionately.

"You can have her back, but get a room." Sam teased.

"Shut up." I said hitting his chest.

"Since we're having such a good day, would you mind if I take the afternoon off?" He asked Sam.

"Not at all." He replied. "I think I'll do that same." He said pulling Jess against him.

"Mmm, exciting." Jess said looking up at him.

"Let's go." Cass whispered in my ear.

"See you two later." I said hugging the couple again before pulling Cass out the door.

He led me to his nice fancy truck, another ford, before opening the door and helping me into it. He ran around to the other side and got in. He winked at me before starting it up, the engine roaring to life. A nice sounding truck, the engine sending a slight vibration through the cab. I smiled and took his hand. He kissed the top of it before holding it in his lap.

We did the small talk as we drove. It took a few minutes for me to realize we were going in a different direction.

"Honey, where are we going?" I asked him.

"I have a surprise for you." He smiled.

"What?" I asked him. "This is your day, why are you surprising me?"

"Because I love you." He told me. "Besides, spoiling you spoils me." He smiled and winked at me.

"I love you too." I smiled back at him. "Though I don't deserve it."

"And why don't you?" He frowned.

"Because I don't." I replied.

"That's not true. You deserve everything." He said and leaned toward me. I kissed him quickly before making him look back at the road.

Taking a side road, I looked out the window as a large field with horses grazing came into view. We turned into the drive leading us up to a large home with an even larger barn near it as well as several smaller ones. People were leading horses everywhere. The typical white picket fence bordering the grounds, while electrified separated the pastures.

"What are we doing here?" I asked him.

"Your surprise is here." He smiled at me.

"A horse?" I grinned at him. He just grinned back. "Are you kidding me?"

Excitement moved through me. I couldn't believe that this was all happening. I practically fell out of the truck as a farmer man came walking over to us.

"Hi." I said excitedly as I held out my hand.

"She's a little excited." Cass said taking his hand next. "Hi, Frank."

"Cass." Frank smiled at him. "He's a beauty. Still can't believe you found such a good animal."

"Didn't have to look very hard." He replied.

"Cass…" I said taking his hand.

"She's getting anxious." He said putting his arm around me.

"Right this way." Frank replied.

He led us between a couple buildings to a small corral. In it was a beautiful chestnut stallion. I was thrilled and didn't stop at the fence. Moving between the bars I went into the corral with him.

"Evy!" Cass said reaching out for me.

"Oh, come on. I've got this." I told him and winked.

"She'll be fine. He's a good horse." Frank told him.

"Does he have a name?" I asked as I looked at him.

The horse looked back and we slowly made a circle. I turned and faced him. He just looked at me before he reached his head out toward me. Putting my hand out he smelled it before taking a few steps toward me, allowing me to rub his forehead.

"Pilgrim's Fire. He's an ex-racehorse." Frank told me.

A grin moved across my face. "You love to run then, don't you Pilgrim." I whispered to the horse.

"Wanna go for a ride?" Cass asked me.

I looked at him. "Really?" I asked.

"You think I got one just for you?" He said narrowing his eyes.

I smiled and ran toward him. Jumping onto the first bar of the corral I put my arms around his neck. "Thank you." I told him. "So much."

"Anything for you." He said and kissed me deeply.

"I love you." I said kissing him again. "Go get yours."

I stayed with Pilgrim while Frank went and got me a set of tack for him. I put it on the horse before mounting and asking that the gate be opened. I could feel his energy. I walked the horse out of the corral as Cass came riding up on a beautiful black mare. She looked sleek and fast. Though I had no doubt that my racer could win against her.

"This is going to be so much fun." I grinned at Cass.

"Think you can beat me?" Cass goaded.

"Let's just see, shall we?" I replied with a raised brow.

"You can take them on a good run just through those trees." Frank told us. "Just follow the path just over there." He said pointing it out.

"Got it." I said and moved the horse into a trot.

I was first onto the path and the first to see the field. But as soon as I was clear Cass blew past me on his horse. I just smiled and moved him into a trot before a full blown run. It took only a few strides to catch up to him, and just a few more to pass him. The wind through my hair was exhilarating. The sights, the sounds, the smells…the feel of the horse beneath me. It was amazing. Slowing, I looked at Cass who finally caught up to me, it was just a little more proof as to how unreal this all was. I would never have this. It just wasn't possible. But it felt so real. It felt like everything I wanted. I was starting to let go. To just let myself live here. To enjoy whatever this was.


	14. Reality Part II

_**Chapter Fourteen: Reality Part II**_

This day had been everything I had ever wanted. There were parts that were almost boring. Without having to research demons or fight the good fight, there was only me and my life to deal with. Not only that, but Cass did make me happy. He wasn't the way I knew him. He was just a normal human being and that in itself was amazing. I'd known him forever. He was the perfect husband. The best friend I could have asked for. So why was it so bad here? Dean was the only thing missing but without him it was still hard to accept this. Even if I was feeling happy.

"Today has been amazing." I told Cass as we sat in the Jacuzzi tub. All the candles were lit and soft piano music was playing in the background. "You're amazing."

"That's only because I have you. You've given me the confidence to do all of this. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for you." He said and kissed my neck.

"I almost don't want it to end." I said softly.

"It doesn't have to end." He said resting his head against mine. "We can do this every day for the rest of our lives. That's how long we've got."

"Promise that it'll be just like this?" I asked.

"I promise."

"That horse is amazing. I can't believe you got him for me and one for you too."

"You love horses. It was the least I could do." He said kissing me.

I kissed him passionately, putting my hand on the back of his head. His tongue invaded my mouth. His sweet taste making all the right parts quiver. One hand caressed my breasts as his other slid down my body into the water. I arched slightly with a moan as his hand did exactly what I wanted it to. My breathing quickened as I gripped his hair, his lips sucking at my neck. Soon I was dizzy with pleasure. He removed his hand, slipping them underneath me as he picked me up from the water. He carried me from the tub to the bed, our lips moving against each other's the entire time. He placed me on the bed before crawling over me. Bringing my knees up on his sides I welcomed him in. I called out in pleasure as he groaned against me. I shut my eyes as he ran his tongue from my lips to my cleavage. Instead of feeling the pleasures, with my eyes shut, something flashed behind my eyes. I frowned and waited for it again. When it flashed I saw Dean. His smile, his kiss, remembering the pleasures he gave me. Knowing that that was how it was supposed to be. Opening my eyes I was with Cass again, staring into his eyes as the climax came and went. He pulled me against him as we laid with our bodies against each other. He stroked my hair and kissed me tenderly.

"I am so in love with you." He whispered.

I smiled and kissed him passionately. "I love you, so much." I told him, tears in my eyes.

"What is it?" Cass frowned.

I wanted to tell him. Wanted to tell him what I thought. What I was thinking about all of this. About how it wasn't real. But I couldn't. I looked at him and all I saw was the love he felt for me. The love I felt for him. No matter the depth of it.

"I'm just so happy." I told him.

He smiled and pulled me against him, I put my chin on his shoulder, feeling his muscles against me. I didn't want him to see my face. The agony I felt. But soon he was asleep. Wishing for sleep I laid with him, gently running my fingers through his hair. But it wouldn't come to me. Sighing, I slipped out of bed, getting dressed before going downstairs to the patio. Windsor followed me outside and to the hammock. Laying in it there was enough space to see the moon and the stars above.

"Please, tonight, tell me the answers." I asked the moon.

"Evy."

I shot up to see Dean standing in the middle of the yard. "Dean."

"I had to see you." He told me.

I stood up and went to him. I couldn't help myself. I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him passionately. When I couldn't breathe I pulled away from him, resting my forehead against his. His hands moved over me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Taste it on his tongue. Looking at him I could see a heavy scar across his face, several others on his arms and neck. Scars that shouldn't be there. The sight of them causing me pain.

"What's happened to you?" I asked him.

"You haven't kissed me like that since…" He started.

"Since last night when I went to bed next to you." I finished for him. He looked at me, confusion written across his face. "Something is going on, Dean." I told him. "This isn't real. This isn't the life we were supposed to live."

"What are you talking about?" He asked. "You chose Cass. We had our chance."

"No, this isn't right. Something has me and is putting this is my head. I think it's a jinn." I told him.

"A jinn? What are you talking about?" He frowned.

"Don't demons exist in this reality?" I asked him.

"You didn't believe me about them." He replied. "That's what led to our break up."

"I'm sorry." I said kissing him again. "I'm so sorry."

"This isn't real." He stated.

"It can't be. I'm happily married to you, not Cass. I chose you. I _love _you." I told him kissing him again.

"I wish that were true." He replied sadly, gently brushing my hair.

"What are you doing here?"

I jumped as Cass yelled. Turning to him I could see the anger on his face. "Go." I told Dean.

"You've just given me hope." He told me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Dean, get away from my wife." Cass shot at him.

"Cass, please." I said rushing to him. "He didn't mean any harm."

"He always means harm." Cass said putting his arm around me.

"Please, it isn't worth it." I told him.

"Did you see her kiss me?" Dean grinned at him. "She did. All on her own."

Cass just looked at him before tackling him to the ground. I yelled out but neither of them were listening. Dean shoved Cass off of him, both men rolling to their feet.

"Stop!" I yelled at them.

"She's been mine. She'll always be mine." Dean told my husband.

"Cass, don't do this!" I pleaded.

Dean's goading put Cass over the edge and the fight resumed. I tried grabbing Cass. Tried pulling him away from Dean. In the process I got hit, falling to the ground, my head hitting a rock. Red covered my vision before blackness. It was a blur of consciousness as I felt pain and heard chains rattle as I moved my hands, for a second I could have sworn I saw a damp basement come into view. In the next second blackness covered my vision again and I opened my eyes to see Cass looking down at me.

"Look what you've done!" Cass yelled over his shoulder.

"Is she okay?" I heard Dean ask.

"Just leave, Dean. Haven't you caused her enough pain yet?" He said as he picked me up from the ground.

"Something's wrong." I told Dean over Cass's shoulder. "It needs to end."

"Evy…" He said as he watched me get taken from his sight.

Cass brought me back upstairs, sitting me on the bed. "Are you okay?" He asked, worry coating his words.

"Yes." I told him. "I think so."

"You're bleeding." He said touching my head. I nodded at him. "I should take you to the hospital."

"No hospitals." I told him.

He took care of my head before sitting on the bed next to me, holding my hand in his lap, his fingers gently caressing it.

"I'm sorry." I said gently.

"I know you are." He said running his hand down my hair. "But I love you. I love you so much. I've given you everything. But…do you still love him?"

"Yes." I told him.

"I'll fight for you. You know I will. You're my wife. Mine. Not his."

"Cass, I know." I said putting my hands on his face. "I can't explain it. But I don't think any of this is real. I woke up with you this morning but I went to bed with him last night." I told him quickly.

"Evy!" He said standing, pacing in front of me. "Don't tell me you've bought into his delusions."

"They aren't delusions!" I shot at him. "It's real. I need you to believe me."

"I can't." He replied.

"In reality you're an angel, Dean is my husband, and we fight demons every day." I blurted out, trying to get him to understand. "Something has me. This isn't the way it's supposed to be."

"I've given you everything!" He yelled at me. "_Everything!_ And this is what I get?"

"Cass, please!"

"I have given everything to make you happy. To make you fall in love with me instead of him. Isn't it enough? This house. This life. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Yes!" I cried. "It's everything I wanted. I couldn't ask for more. You are amazing. The life you've built for us is amazing. I love it. But it's not the way it's supposed to be."

"Just stay here with me." He said falling to his knees in front of me. "Please." He wrapped his arms around my waist, his head resting against my abdomen. "Please, Evy, stay with me."

The tears were flowing as I put my arms around him. I kissed his hair as we both cried. The plead in his voice. The pain he was going through. I didn't want to see him like this. I didn't want to be the cause of so much pain. Not for him. But I knew what I had to do. I knew how to end this. It was time I did. It would be the end for me if I stayed with him.

Talking him into bed, I held him till sleep took him. When I was sure he was asleep I slipped from bed again. Before I went with what I had planned, I went to the garage. There was something that I needed to see before I let all of this go. My footfalls echoed as I walked across the garage. Walking around his truck tears immediately sprung to my eyes. Sitting on the floor was a nearly completely crib. Looking on the workbench there were pictures torn out of magazines. He had circled different pieces of each one and was putting them all together to make the perfect crib. Putting my hand over my mouth, I shut my eyes as tears freely ran down my cheeks. Shaking my head, I turned, rushing back into the house. Now more than ever, I had to get out. I couldn't give him what he wanted. Not here and not from the real world. Going to the kitchen, I pulled a knife from the knife block. Looking at it I knew I could do it. I didn't have a choice. The only problem was if I was wrong. But I didn't think I was. I was sure of this world and I wanted my own back. I loved this life. Cass and everything here was everything I ever wanted in life. But it wasn't mine. I could never have this. I had come to terms with that a long time ago. I was content with the way things were. With my husband, brother, and angel. I would take that life any day. So, I would do it. I would take this knife and plunge it into my gut.

"You can't die in your dreams." I told myself. "You always wake up."

"Don't do it." Cass said slowly entering the kitchen.

"You're supposed to be asleep." I told him as tears fell. "Please, just go back to sleep."

"No." He said shaking his head. "Please, Baby, don't do this. I need you."

"And I need to wake up. This isn't real."

"Do it." Dean said coming through the patio doors. "Do it for us."

"Don't!" Cass cried. "Please, don't leave me like this."

"I have to, Baby." I said shaking my head at him. "I have to."

He rushed at me and I slipped the blade into my stomach, I instantly tasted blood, feeling Cass's hands on me, before the whole scene disappeared and a chill moved over me.

My eyes shot open and a coughing fit ensued as I took in where I was. It was a warehouse basement. There were stairs ahead of me. The air was damp and cold. I was suspended by chains. They were digging into my wrists. There was a line in my arm, my blood slowly being taken. My body felt weak. There were no sounds. I was alone. My dream seemed like a pretty good place now.

"Cass…" I tried to call but the word was more air then sound.

Looking up I could see that the bolt that held my chains in the ceiling was loose. It meant little but I hoped I would be able to build up enough strength to use it to my advantage. I took a series of deep breaths before lifting myself up as high as I could, dropping myself with as much force as I could muster. I heard it crack but I was still suspended. Tears slid down my cheeks as I got ready to try again. I was only going to get one more shot at this.

"Cass…" I tried again with the same result.

Lifting myself up again, I let myself fall. This time the force was enough and I fell to the ground. Pulling the needle from my arm I quickly moved to the shadows. Silent sobs started as I shook. I didn't remember what had happened. I remembered the warehouse but that was it. I didn't remember anything else. I didn't know where I was. Where Dean was. I was alone. There was the sound of steps and I froze. A man with blue skin, markings covering his body, came into site. He froze when he noticed I was gone and immediately went in search of me. I stayed quiet, shifting only as much as I needed to, to remain out of sight. I heard him move to the upper levels. It was only then that I tried using my voice again. I only meant to say it quietly but I found myself screaming.

"Cass!" I called. "Cass!"

The jinn was back a second later. He grabbed me, throwing me across the room. He made to move toward me but he was grabbed by the throat. I watched as Cass stabbed it, killing it. He dropped the jinn and turned to me. I went to stand up but found I didn't have the energy. He dropped to his knees in front of me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me into his arms.

"Cass." I whispered, running my hand down the back of his head.

"Evy." He replied with his husky voice, the pain ebbing from my body, making me feel strong again.

He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. I smiled at him, running my fingers down his face. He helped me to my feet, pulling me into his arms again.

"It's about time." I teased.

"Dean's been very worried about you." He told me. "So have I."

"I don't even remember what happened." I replied.

"You're safe now." He said running his hand down my hair.

"You have no idea what I was dreaming about." I told him. He just frowned at me. "Take me home." I said and kissed his cheek.

The motel came into view. Taking a deep breath of the fresh air I ran toward the room. I remembered this. I saw Sam first as he came from the room. I knocked the air out of myself as I threw myself into his arms.

"Sammy. My Sammy." I said hugging him tightly.

"Are you okay?" He asked taking my head in his hands.

"Yes." I smiled at him. "Now that I'm home."

"Evy." Dean's voice said softly.

Sam let me go. Dean was standing behind him. I smirked at him before running into his arms, kissing him passionately, my hands needing the feel of his skin. I tasted his breath in my mouth as I fought to take his over. This was the feeling I knew. This was the feeling I remembered and needed more than anything. This was the life I knew and the life I wanted. My dream had been everything I longed for. But I didn't want it as much as I thought I did. Dean wrapped his arms around me. His strong hands gripping me closer to him. That's what mattered. Cass loved me in my dream but even then, in our happiest moment, I longed for Dean. Smiling, I took his face in my hands, just looking at him.

"Hi." I finally told him.

"Hi." He smiled kissing me again.

"Will you do me a favor before we get into all the details?" I asked him. He nodded at me. "Take me to bed and make love to me. Then I'll tell you what happened." I told him with a smile.

He grinned and pulled me into a hard kiss. "I think I can handle that."

"Oh, goody." I said and laughed as he picked me up into his arms.

Kissing him repeatedly, I finally felt all of the tension and unease leave me. I was home. Here is his arms was home. This was what I wanted to hold on to. Forget the perfect normal life. I loved my crazy supernatural one. Besides, an easy life is boring. A little calamity, now that's something worth talking about.


	15. Don't Look Back

_**Chapter Fifteen: Don't Look Back**_

The silence was anything but comforting. My gun was at the ready, the subtle sound of my footsteps the only sound I could hear. My breathing was shallow as I tried to concentrate. They were here somewhere. The house was old, hiding places could be anywhere. It was apocalypse now. There was no time to wait. As seals were being broken we had to act. There was no holding back. Not anymore. There was a great fight ahead of us. Both sides were afraid. The angels brought fear. I was only afraid of the unknown. Despite everything, Cass was loyal to his cause. He kept his word to his comrades, not telling us more than we needed to know. But he was feeling. The more time he was with us the more human he seemed to become.

I heard the whisperings in a room below me. The basement. I didn't know how many were down there but I would go in anyway. I should have waited for the men but I was too stubborn for my own good. Dean should've known better than to let me go on my own. Not that there was any stopping me.

"I'm busy." I said answering my phone quickly.

"Wait for me." Dean told me.

"I can hear them." I replied.

"Just wait. I'm on my way." He told me.

I frowned, "Where's Sam?"

"I don't know." He replied sounding angry.

"Not again." I sighed.

"Yeah." He replied. "Just stay put. I'm coming."

"Okay." I told him and crouched against the wall, listening to the voices.

The longer I waited the more I realized that I probably should turn and leave, wait for Dean outside. I didn't get a chance to decide as the basement door flew open and they all gazed at me.

"Hi." I said looking into their black eyes. "You know. I think I have the wrong house."

"Winchester." One smirked at me.

"Yeah, well, you know..." I said shrugging as I moved away from them.

"Come to save the innocent?" One asked before they threw a dead girl at my feet.

"You son of a bitch." I said and shot the demon in the head.

"You know that never works." He told me.

"I don't care." I replied. "I can always start chanting."

"You won't get the chance." Another said and lunged at me.

Turning I fled. "Bad idea. Bad idea!" I told myself as they moved after me.

The front door was open. I had nearly made it when I was grabbed. Thrown through the nearest wall I was immediately wounded enough not to be able to get myself back onto my feet. Pulling a wood splinter from my side I looked as the half dozen demons walked to me, laughing with evil grins on their faces.

"This was a _really_ bad idea." I told myself as I looked up at them.

They just continued to the laugh as I was stuck on my knees in front of them. They circled me, ready to kill me. I lifted myself as high as I could go, attempting to keep a small amount of my pride. One leaned toward me before all stopped and turned. Soon they were in pain. Black smoke started to billow around me. Fear crept into me as I watched the demons fall to their knees. All grabbing their throats or chests as the demon was expelled from the bodies. The bodies fell as the demons were fully pulled out of them. The smoke continued to circle on the floor before they seemed to burn, disappearing into it. When it was over I looked up to see Sam looking at me, he was breathing heavily as blood dripped from his nose. Ruby was at his side.

"Sam…" I whispered before shaking my head. "What have you done?"

"I saved you." He frowned at me.

"At what cost?" I asked.

"Evy!" I heard Dean call.

"Dean!" I called back as I slowly got to my feet.

"Sam." He said as he took in the scene. "Please tell me you didn't."

"I saved her didn't I?" Sam asked as he took out his phone.

He called 911 to help the people on the floor before we all disappeared. I felt lucky when Sam came back to the motel with us. Every time he disappeared I was afraid that he would go off with Ruby and we'd never see him again. I didn't want that to happen. Not ever.

"Sam?" I said sitting on the bed next to him. "How can I help you?" I asked as I took his hand in mine.

"Trust me." He told me.

"How can I trust you when you're using demonic powers?" I frowned at him, my voice quiet.

"Trust that I know what I'm doing. That I can save these people. I'm doing good with them." He replied.

I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair. "You only think you are. But the more you use them I fear the more they'll take you over. I don't want to lose you, Sammy."

"You won't." He said looking me in my eyes.

He truly believed that what he was doing was okay. "Can you promise me that? And can you promise me that you'll never break that promise?"

"Yes." He told me confidently.

I nodded and kissed his forehead. "I'm going to hold you to it." He nodded.

Standing, I went outside to seen Dean looking up at the moon. Smiling, I slid my hand into his. He squeezed it but didn't look at me.

"You always go to the moon for answers. I was hoping it'd give me some, but I'm not finding any." He said and smiled at me.

"I never do either. But I figure one day I'll be pleasantly surprised when it finally gives me one." I smiled and kissed him. "What are we gonna do?"

"What can we do?" He asked.

"Anything and everything we can." I replied. "Don't give up on him yet, Dean. He's our brother. We have to fight for him. Whether he wants us to or not."

"I'm not giving up. I just don't know what to do yet." He said and pulled me against him. I winced at his touch. "Cass should heal you."

"He's not always going to be around. We can't depend on him to heal us whenever we get hurt." I told him.

"I'm kinda surprised to hear you say that." He told me.

"Why?" I frowned at him.

"You haven't seen him in a couple weeks. Would think you'd be getting a little anxious about him." He replied honestly.

"Don't get me wrong, I worry, it's what I do." I smiled at him. "But he can handle himself. I'm happy with you. I don't need him the way I need you. My mind is clear."

"Good." He smiled and kissed me deeply. "Then we better go get you looked at."

"Nah, I'll be fine. It's all superficial, I promise." I told him. He sighed but nodded. "I'm okay. Everything will be okay."

* * *

><p>Sitting at the table in the dark I watched over my sleeping men. I couldn't remember when sleep was easy. It seemed to become harder and harder to get any sleep these days. With the looming apocalypse and our personal demons there just never seemed to be enough time in the day. I had already been looking for the next job. Watching the signs, looking for any demonic omens, hoping that another seal would not be broken. But it was all in vain. We didn't know what to do next. I felt helpless and I hated feeling helpless. There was always something that could be done. But right now I felt like it didn't matter. That no matter how hard we tried to fight, in the end, we would lose.<p>

Windsor walked to the door and I sighed before slipping out of the room. There was a heavy wind tonight. As it blew over me a chill swept through my body. Then I saw the flickering lights. When they grew still no one appeared. I frowned but it didn't seem too out of the ordinary.

"Cass?" I said casually. He didn't come. Then from the shadows the newly brunette of a bitch appeared. "Ruby." I said coldly.

"Staring at the moon again are we?" She asked.

"No, actually. Just hoping you'd stop by so I could kill you." I smiled at her.

"Sam wouldn't like that." She smiled.

"It'd be for Sam's own good." I replied. She laughed. "You won't be laughing when it finally happens."

"It won't happen. Sam won't let it." She told me confidently.

"You put too much faith in him. He's a hunter. He will kill you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow or next week. But it'll happen. I bet my life on it." I told her matter-of-factly.

"You shouldn't do that. You die enough as it is." She grinned at me. "In a second I could have your heart in my hand."

"Go ahead and try." I told her.

"Tempting. But Sam would be upset if I did. That, and Dean would more than likely gut me."

"With pleasure."

"And we can't forget about the angel. He'd torture me for all eternity. After he brought you back of course."

"One of the perks of knowing an angel." I smirked at her.

"More like the perks of knowing the _love_ of an angel." She shot back at me.

My smile disappeared and I honestly didn't have a retort. I just looked at her. Wishing I had a way to end her. To get her out of our lives forever.

"You should leave." Cass said stepping next to me.

"Castiel." Ruby said before slipping into the shadows.

"Thank you." I told him. "Can't you just kill her?" I asked him. He just looked at me. "How are you?" I asked, dropping my request.

"Well." He replied.

"Good." I nodded at him. Turning toward him, he did the same. "It's good to see you." I told him, putting my arms around his neck.

"You're sad." He stated, hugging me tightly.

"Yeah." I replied taking a deep breath.

"What is it?" He asked.

I just looked at him before smiling, "The apocalypse." I said with a small laugh.

"We'll stop it." He told me sternly.

"What if we can't?" I asked.

"We will." He said caressing the back of my head.

Sighing I gripped his hair, feeling his comfort. "What about Sam?" I asked letting him go.

"He needs to stop." He told me.

"I'm scared for him. I'm scared for Dean and for you. I'm scared all the time." I replied sadly. "I can't sleep anymore."

"I could help with that." He told me.

"I'm not that desperate yet." I smiled at him. He smiled back. It was good to see him smile. "Wanna walk with me?" He nodded.

We walked down the road, making small talk about what'd happened since we'd seen each other last. He scolded me for not calling him after our last demon encounter. I told him what Sam did and how I felt like I was protecting him by not calling for him. He understood but they seemed to know everything. Everything that happened.

"Next time I will, I promise." I told him. "But I can't expect you to be around all the time. You have your own things to do. Watching over us is not your only job."

"Not so much them as you." He replied quietly.

"You shouldn't do that." I told him seriously.

"I can't help it." He replied.

"Try." I said stopping and looking at him. "You have to try. Not only because it can't be that way but for your own safety. These things have a way of being used against us. I don't want to see you hurt because of me." I told him shaking my head. "Not because of me."

He just looked at me sadly and pulled me against him. "I'll protect you." He told me softly. "I'll protect you and the brothers. Whether you like it or not."

"Gee, thanks." I smiled at him.

"You look tired." He told me, putting his hand on my face.

"I'm exhausted." I told him.

"Come on." He said putting his arm around me.

He walked me to the door, all gentlemen like. I kissed his cheek before he placed one on the top of my hand. Smiling, I let myself back into the room, watching him disappear as I closed the door. Sighing, I sat in a chair again, my eyes locked on Dean. Finally getting ready for bed, I crawled in next to my husband. Leaning on my elbow I looked down at him, gently caressing his face. I leaned down and kissed him gently before lying next to him, resting my hand on his chest.

* * *

><p>The Impala was unusually quiet. There was a possible job a few states away, leaving way too much time to talk. Or, rather, too much time for awkward silences. Sam seemed to be preoccupied and Dean kept giving me short glances. I had my journal open in my lap, editing and adding to it. I had started to draw pictures for all the evil I could. Wherever, or whoever, this journal ended up after I was gone I wanted to be sure it was useful. The more information there is the better chance they can be stopped in the future.<p>

"You're looking at that thing pretty hard." Dean commented.

"I know. I'm just trying to put as much in it as I can." I replied looking at him.

"You seem a little obsessed." He added.

"I have to be." I said looking back at the book.

"Why?" He frowned.

"I can't protect the people I love if I'm not thorough."

"We protect each other." Dean told me, his tone changing.

"I know." I smiled and took his hand.

He just looked at me before the road again. I kept his hand but my mind wandered away from him. Sighing, I closed the book and looked out the window, resting my head against the seat. We were quiet again. Starting to drift too far into my own thoughts my phone started to ring.

"Hello?"

"I suggest you abandon your job." A woman told me.

"Who is this?" I frowned into the phone.

"A friend."

"Annabelle?" I said straightening in my seat.

"Evy." She said a smile now in her voice.

"What the hell? Why should we stop?" I asked her.

"I've got this one. I just arrived." She replied.

"Witches." I stated.

"And not the fun kind, like me." She replied.

"Can you handle it all on your own?" I asked.

"I've been handling it on my own for years and I'm still around."

"That's because you're a witch." I stated.

"Yes, I am. But it's still true." She replied.

"Listen, we're still about a day's drive away. We're still gonna come. Can I reach you at this number again?" I asked her.

"Yeah." She replied.

"Okay. I'll call you when we get to town."

"Okay, but I'm telling you that I've got this." She stated.

"But back up is nice."

"It won't be needed."

"See you soon." I told her hanging up.

"Annabelle?" Dean frowned at me.

"Yup. It is a job. Witches." I replied.

"And she's got it?" He asked.

"Yeah." I told him with raised brows. "I guess she does. She's been witch hunting a lot lately. Or that's what it sounded like."

"Can she handle it?" Sam asked.

I turned and looked at him. "Again, sounds like it."

His phone rang then and he took it quietly in the back. I looked at Dean; a frown was set on his face.

"Baby?" I asked softly.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said again.

"Are you sure?"

He smiled and nodded, leaning over to kiss me. I smiled back kissing him for as long as I could take to keep us on the road. He winked at me. I ran my hand down the back of his head, letting it rest on his neck, running my thumb back and forth across it.

When we got to town it seemed to be perfectly in order. We found the nearest motel and got ourselves a room. After loading everything in, I called Annabelle. She didn't answer. After a few hours of calling and asking around we were one step closure to finding the witches but Annabelle was nowhere to be found.

"Now what?" Sam asked.

"Dean's got one lead, we've got another, and maybe we'll run across Annabelle in the process." I replied.

"Maybe she couldn't handle it." Sam stated.

"I don't know." I replied and stopped, looking at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." He frowned.

"Are you stills using your demon powers?" I asked. He just looked at me. "You keep leaving. You leave in the middle of the night and when you get back you always seem to be hiding something. I need you to tell me if you're going dark side."

"I'm not." Sam told me sternly.

"That's kind of a short answer, don't you think?" I frowned at him.

"What about you?" He retorted.

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"You have demon blood in you too. Why haven't you tapped into it at all? I've done it by accident. Why haven't you?" He shot at me.

"Those are some really good questions." I told him. "And I don't have an answer. I don't know why I haven't had a problem with them. Maybe because, ever since yellow-eyes, I've renounced all connections with that blood. It might be in me, but I'm not letting it control me."

"Neither am I." He frowned.

"Yes you are!" I yelled at him. "I blame Ruby though, not you."

"Leave her out of it." He told me calmly.

I scoffed and just looked at him. "You are so far gone it's scary."

"You sound like Dean." He replied and started to walk again.

"Good." I said following him. "We're worried about you."

"You should be worried about yourself." He stated.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I frowned grabbing his arm.

"You and Cass." He said getting in my face. "We're not blind. _Dean_ isn't blind."

"That's over." I said though my voice was much smaller than it was a minute ago.

"No it's not. You aren't the same woman he knew before he died and went to Hell. You changed."

"No, I didn't." I said crossing my arms. "It's been harder than I would've thought but I love your brother. I love him more than anything."

"And I believe you. You married him just like you wanted to. But you love the angel too." He reminded me.

"I know." I admitted sadly. "I wish I didn't. I wish that it wasn't true but it is. It sucks."

"We're both in the same boat here." He said sadly.

"In our own way, yeah, I guess we are." I said giving him a small smile. He did the same nodding. My smile disappeared and I looked at him sadly. "But the thing is, if we keep going down the roads we are…Dean is the one who's gonna get hurt. We're both going to hurt him." Sam looked at me sadly. "I don't want to hurt him."

"Me neither." He said putting his arm around me. "But I'm fighting my own demons and you can't let Castiel go."

"Why can't I though? Why do I have to love him so damn much?" I asked, leaning my head against him briefly.

"Dean was dead, he was there. I get that connection." He answered.

"Ruby?" I asked. He just looked at the ground. "I understand. But she's a demon. Telling you to use your demonic powers. Not good." I said trying to move away from all the feeling's talk.

"I don't want to use them anymore. But they work." He told me.

"The knife works too."

"But it kills the victim."

"There's always Latin." I tried again.

"There's never enough time for that."

Sighing, I shoved him. "I'm trying to compromise here."

"I know." He said shoving me back. "But I don't think it's gonna work."

"Fine." I frowned at him. "I'll drop it for now. But I still think it's very wrong." He just nodded at me.

We were quiet as we walked. We had found nothing. The town seemed to be completely normal. No one we talked to gave us any answers. There was nothing here. Annabelle but have already finished her job and we were too late. Sam and I gave up and returned to the room. It was only a few minutes later that Dean was back. He'd had about as much luck as we had.

"Now what?" I asked dropping into a chair. "I've already tried Annabelle like a dozen times. Either the job is done and she's gone. Or it went very wrong and we're all in trouble."

"I'm leaning toward trouble." Dean said pacing.

"Perfect." I said standing up. "How the hell are we gonna find those damn witches? No one is saying anything and there is nothing suspicious going on."

I started to pace, only then there was tightness in my chest. I frowned, putting my hand on my chest. I looked at the brothers. They seemed to be okay.

"Dean." I said as panic started to flow.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Hex bag." I told him falling to my knees.

They immediately turned and started tearing the room apart. The mattresses were cut open. The drawers yanked out and the insides searched. All the while my lungs slowly felt like they were caving in. My vision was speckled as my consciousness was threatening to fail. I could hear Dean telling me to hold on. Could see things flying past me as I took in the last breath my lungs would let me. Falling to the side I felt a shock of pain before everything went black.

* * *

><p>As I started to come to I found myself bound to a wall. It was dark, the only light coming from a small ceiling lamp. I struggled against the binding.<p>

"Seriously?" I said not having any luck. "_Seriously?"_

"You watch too much Grey's Anatomy." A voice said from next to me. I looked to see Annabelle.

"Yeah, well, sometimes those damn reruns get me through the day." I shot at her. She laughed at me. "I thought you said you could handle it."

"I thought I could." She replied.

"But obviously you can't." I told her in a sing-song voice.

"Hey, you got yourself captured too so obviously you can't either." She frowned at me.

"Yeah, but I was dying. How did I end up here? My lungs had collapsed and my boys were tearing the room apart. I blacked out but I'm pretty sure I was on my way out. How the _hell_ did I end up here?" I rambled.

"I don't know. I was caught, tortured, and now I'm here." She told me.

"This just sucks." I frowned at her. "They probably have my men too."

"More than likely." She said calmly. "Maybe you should call the angel."

"What?" I frowned harder. "I don't think so."

"Why not? I'm surprised he's not here already."

"I'm not going to bring him here to rescue us. We should be able to handle this ourselves." I told her annoyed.

"But he is so in love with you. He'll rescue you from anything and everything." She told me matter-of-factly.

"I wish people would just stop saying that. I'm trying to stop loving him. Then it just gets thrown in my face every fucking day." I told her sadly.

"It's what you do when you love someone. You know you'd do the same for him." She said looking at me.

"How do you even know any of this?" I frowned at her.

"I have my ways." She told me.

"You are far too calm!" I yelled at her.

"Evy, relax." She told me.

Taking a deep breath, I let my head fall against my chest. "Since we have so much time and you seem to know shit…" I said and paused. "Am I gonna hurt Dean?" I asked looking at her. Her eyes met mine. I couldn't read her expression.

"It's not as black and white as that." She told me.

"Then tell me what's in the gray." I pleaded with her. "I'm so confused. I love two men and I don't want to hurt either of them. So, please, tell me what's in the gray." She just gave me a sad smile and shook her head. I sighed and rested my head against the wall. "How are we gonna get out of this?" I asked her.

"I don't know." She said softly.

I shut my eyes, listening to where we were. There were no sounds. It was far too quiet. Why was it that I always got caught? Why couldn't I catch a break? Just when I think I finally did, it was taken away from me. Why did everything have to be so complicated? I thought of Dean, wanting him. But soon it wasn't just him.

"Gray is not a fun place to be." Annabelle told me.

I looked at her. She knew what I was thinking. Or rather _who_ I was thinking of. I didn't have anything to say to her. She was right. Even though she didn't tell me anything, I knew I was in for a long road of indecision. Life was complicated. Way more complicated then I wanted it to be. But my last name was Winchester. So it was all part of the package. Being a Winchester meant pain and heartache. It meant pushing the limits to the maximum. I was feeling the strain.

"Why are you always in trouble?"

My eyes shot open and I saw Cass. "What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"You called for me." He frowned.

"No I didn't." I frowned back.

"Told you." Annabelle smiled.

"Told me what? You didn't tell me shit." I frowned at her. "I was only thinking about him."

"Hard apparently." She smiled.

"I loathe you." I shot at her. She laughed.

"Do you want me to untie you?" Cass asked.

"No. I'll figure a way to get out on my own." I frowned at him.

"How?" He asked.

"I don't know. But I will."

"You are so stubborn." He said and with a flick of his fingers my bindings slipped away from my wrists and feet.

Falling into his waiting arms, my hands landed on his biceps the strong muscles moving beneath them. My eyes met his and he gave me a small smile.

"What?" I asked him.

"Nothing." He replied, setting me on my feet.

"No, what are you smiling at?" I shot at him as he untied Annabelle. He just looked at me and ran his thumb across my cheek before walking out of the room we were in. "I loathe you too." I frowned following him.

"I can see why you like him so much." Annabelle told me, her eyes moving over him.

"Stop it." I said blocking her eyes with my hand.

She just laughed and followed behind me. She was driving me crazy. They both were. His touch made me shiver and her eyeing him made a spark of jealousy rise in me. But you know what, whatever, I was just going to go with it. As much as I was trying to focus on my marriage no one else could look at Cass. He was the other guy for me and I wasn't gonna let him go just yet.

"Don't be jealous." Annabelle whispered in my ear.

"Stop it." I told her in a harsh whisper. "Let's just find Dean and Sam, okay?"

We were in a house that was undergoing remodeling. The basement was large and unfinished. There were partial walls everywhere. There were stairs on both ends. The rest of the basement was clear so we moved upstairs in search of Dean and Sam. The first several rooms were empty. The living room. The kitchen. I left the other two and moved to the top floor. The first rooms were open. I was getting frustrated. When there were only two rooms left I was starting to get fearful when I opened one to see Dean hanging from the ceiling, the tips of his toes grazing the carpet. I rushed to him, putting my hands on his sides.

"Dean." I said a pit falling in my stomach. He was unconscious. "Baby, wake up." I said moving my hands to his face. "Dean!"

"Let's get him down." Cass said appearing next to me.

"Thank you." I told him.

He nodded as he undid the ropes that bound my husband. Moving behind him I pulled him against me as Cass helped me lower him to the ground. Wrapping one arm around him I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Wake up." I whispered into his ear.

"They're back." Cass said stepping in front of us. He looked down at me before disappearing.

"Cass!" I called out for him quietly. "Dean." I said rocking him in my arms. "What have they done to you?"

From across the hall the door burst open and Sam appeared. He frowned at the site of me and Dean on the floor.

"What happened?" He asked kneeling next to me and his brother.

"I don't know. He was hanging from the ceiling. He hasn't woken up yet." I told him.

Then there was commotion downstairs. People were yelling. There was chanting. Things were breaking. I jumped as a crash made the walls shake. Annabelle yelled out Cass's name and I felt the need to go to him. If he was in trouble I needed to help him. But how was I supposed to choose? Dean's lying in my arms, helpless. Cass was with a witch, fighting witches. I held Dean tighter against me. My mind trying to figure out what to do. Sam put his hand on my face, breaking me from my thoughts. He just gave me a small smile. I simply said 'please' and he was out of the room and downstairs. There was more commotion and the walls continued to rattle. Only this time I heard screaming. We were winning now. I buried my face in Dean's neck, tears falling.

"Dean, I love you. I love you so much. But what am I going to do?" I told him gently.

Squeezing him even tighter I listened while everyone fought downstairs. I wouldn't leave him. I couldn't. It wasn't in me. I would stay. Hearing steps in the hall, my head jerked up. Only instead of one of my own, a woman appeared. She was bloody. Anger written across her face.

"It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay." I whispered in Dean's ear before slowly lowering him to the floor.

Standing, I faced her. I took several calming breaths. Feeling myself build up the energy to defend my love. She put her hand out to move me. I felt the pressure of her power but nothing happened. I smiled before it faded. Sam was right. An accident waiting to happen. She cocked her head before stepping toward me. I sidestepped away from Dean. I didn't want him to get hurt while I was trying to protect him. She rushed me, throwing a punch. Dodging, grabbing her wrist, I snapped it before shoving her away from me. She screamed but was at me a second later. Throwing another punch I dodged again, throwing my knee into her abdomen. She fell to her hands and knees. Sam appeared in the doorway, tossing me the knife. Grabbing it midair, I plunged it into her back. It was over a second later. Sam gave me a sad look. I nodded, taking a deep breath. Jumping, I turned to Dean as he gasped for air. I was at his side in an instant. A coughing fit started before his breathing finally regulated. I put my hand on his chest as he caught his breath. His hand found mine and I smiled down at him. The witches were dead. The hold they had on him was gone. I leaned down, putting my forehead against his. Taking a deep breath I ran my fingers down his face. There were more footsteps and I turned to see Cass and Annabelle walk in. Gripping his leather jacket I helped Dean to his feet. He put his arm around me as we all stood in an awkward circle. I looked at Cass, our eyes locked.

"Everyone okay?" Annabelle asked breaking the silence.

"Yeah." I said and looked up at Dean. "Are you?" He nodded, kissing my forehead. "Let's get out of here please."

We all turned and fled the house. Annabelle went to her car as all of us Winchesters went to the Impala. I looked at Cass who gave me a subtle nod before disappearing. I looked at Dean, helping him into the passenger seat before holding out my hand for the keys. He handed them over without complaint. Sam was quiet in the back as I drove us back to the motel. The life of a hunter. Such a glorious one it was…


	16. Do Not Be Afraid

_**Chapter Sixteen: Do Not Be Afraid**_

My stomach was turning. Rolling out of bed I went to the toilet, puking again. The sun was shining through the window. Groaning I lowered the blinds and shut the drapes as tight as they would go. Crawling back into bed I pulled the covers up, hoping my chills would stop with the warmth of them. I had already stolen Sam's comforter. It was ridiculous. I shut my eyes and silently prayed for sleep. Prayed for it to just come for a little while. Though a second later there was a hand caressing my face. I knew who it was.

"Remind me never to eat sushi again." I said and opened my eyes to meet Cass's.

He smiled and nodded at me, "I'll be sure to stop you next time."

I laughed, only my stomach lurched and I reached for the garbage can. Vomiting into it, followed by dry heaving, and a horrible intake of breath. Groaning, I laid back against the pillows. I was almost shocked as Cass took off his trench coat. I hadn't seen him without it since the last time I took it off of him. Without even asking he came around the other side of the bed and laid down. I felt his body against my back. His arm moved around me, his fingers moving back and forth across my stomach. As simple a gesture as it was it made me feel better. I felt his face move against my hair, placing a kiss, his lips lingering. I shut my eyes again, my hand finding his. His fingers laced with mine. I'd been sick all night. Dean had held my hair for most of it. Had laid with me very similar to this. But I felt the most comforted right now…with Cass. I meant to make him leave. To make him leave before Dean and Sam got back. But sleep took me before I could even think the words.

Waking to the sound of the door, I was alone in bed. You'd never have known anyone else was here. I looked to see Dean and Sam. I rolled over, putting my hand to my forehead.

"Hey, Baby." Dean said sitting next to me. He ran his hand down my hair before kissing my forehead.

"Hey." I smiled at him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, I think." I replied.

"You look better." He said and kissed me deeply.

"Take my mind off of my stomach. What did you guys find out?" I asked.

"It's a job. Third healthy guy to die of a heart attack. Same sort of symptoms." Sam told me.

"Sam got hit with spleen juice." Dean smiled as he laid next to me.

I turned into him, allowing him to embrace me. I smiled as I rested my head on his chest, looking at Sam. "Spleen juice, huh?"

"It was disgusting." Sam replied.

I laughed but my stomach turned. I tensed and shut my eyes, praying that I didn't vomit again. Dean gently rubbed my arm as I relaxed against him again. Maybe the vomiting was finally done.

"Come on, let's get you moving." Dean told me.

"No. I can't." I said pulling my hand away from him as he tried to pull me up.

"You gotta get something in your stomach."

"I can't." I told him, curling into a ball. "I don't feel good."

"Okay." He nodded and crawled next to me. "I'm sorry." He said moving the hair from my face. I nodded at him, tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry." I nodded again, putting my hand on his face.

"I'm just so tired." I told him.

Dean kissed my forehead. "We have a couple interviews to do. Will you be okay by yourself a little longer?" He asked gently. I nodded at him. "Okay. We'll be back soon." He said kissing me softly. "I love you."

"I love you too." I replied.

He just looked at me a moment longer before getting up and following his brother out the door. I shut my eyes, tears falling. I did feel like shit. Only in more than just the sick kind of way. I looked at the remote on the table but couldn't build up the gumption to go get it. I shut my eyes and waited for sleep. Instead I heard the TV turn on. I opened my eyes to see Cass again. He smiled at me. Smiling back I shifted enough for him to move in behind me.

"You shouldn't be here." I told him as I draped my arm across him.

"No, but you can't stop me now." He said and kissed my forehead.

I gave a short laugh and cuddled closer to him. _Ever After_ was on. One of the best love stories there is. It always made me feel better. Always allowed me sleep.

"I remembered you mentioned this movie once." He told me softly. I made a small moan as my eyes felt heavy. "Sleep. I'll watch over you." He whispered in my ear.

"I love you." I told him, hardly audible as I drifted off.

"I love you." He whispered his lips against my ear.

* * *

><p>It was light caressing on my face that slowly brought me from sleep. I smiled and gave a content moan as I opened my eyes. Cass was smiling down at me. He put his hand on my face, gently moving his thumb across my bottom lip.<p>

"I'm asking for a lot of trouble here." He told me softly.

I gently kissed his thumb and looked up at him. "You really are."

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"I don't know." I replied, resting my head on his chest. "I wish someone could decide for me."

"I can." He replied running his fingers through my hair. "I could leave and never come back."

"You could. But you were sent to help Dean and Sam through the apocalypse. Sometimes I think it's me who should just disappear." I told him.

"You could try." He said before putting his lips to my ear. "But I would find you."

"See, saying things like that doesn't help any." I told him, turning my head.

I could feel his lips brush against mine. Feeling my body react to his closeness, I shuddered, feeling his body react in the same way. He pulled me against him. I could feel the bulge in his pants and couldn't help but laugh at him. I trailed my hand down his side, slowly making my way to what I wanted. He tilted his head as he opened his mouth against mine. My lips parted as his tongue ran the length of my top lip. As wrong as it was I couldn't help but want him. I pressed against him, a passionate kiss only seconds away when there was a click in the door. Cass disappeared and I fell back against the pillows. I heaved an exasperated sigh, sitting up as Sam came through the door.

"Hi." I smiled at him.

"You look a lot better." He said kissing my cheek.

"I think the food poisoning has finally passed." I grinned at him.

"Good." He smiled. "Wanna start packing yours and Dean's things for me?"

"What? Why?" I frowned at him.

"Because your lovely husband is suffering from Ghost Sickness." He told me.

"Shit." I said and started to throw stuff into bags. "What are we gonna do? How is he?"

"He's getting paranoid." He told me.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"First floor."

"First floor?" I frowned.

"Yeah, this is too high." He replied.

I looked at him and couldn't help but laugh. He laughed with me as we finished packing the room. Sam and I moved everything into the new room before Dean was brought in. I just looked at him. He looked at everything like it was out to get him.

"Baby, you okay?" I asked him, rubbing his arms.

"Yeah, I'm good." He told me.

"Sam filled me in on what's going on." I told him gently.

"Okay, okay." He nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. I feel almost one hundred percent." I smiled at him. He just nodded at me. I took his head in my hands. "Hey, we're gonna figure it out." He nodded again. "I love you."

"Love you too." He said and pulled me against him.

I could feel the tenseness in his body. He was starting to move past just paranoid. I looked at Sam as Dean walked to the couch. Sitting next to him I ran my fingers though his hair.

"What do we know?" I asked Sam.

"Not a lot. Bobby's looking into it." He replied.

"How long do we have?" I asked.

"48 hours." He replied sadly.

"Then it's six feet under for me again." Dean told me.

"Not gonna happen." I frowned at him. "I won't let it."

"Okay." He nodded and rested his head in my lap.

Giving Sam a worried look he simply gave me a sympathetic smile. "It'll be okay, baby." I whispered into his ear. He nodded, gripping my leg. I trailed my fingers up and down his back.

"I'm gonna take Windsor out." Sam told me. "Give Bobby a call and see what we've got."

"Okay." I nodded and smiled as my dog licked Dean's arm on his way out.

When we were alone I led Dean to the bed, making him lay down. Lying next to him I gently rubbed my hand across his chest. He shut his eyes, a frown set on his face. Moving closer to him I started to hum into his ear. He seemed to calm down but soon he drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep. But he was sleeping. I moved from the bed and paced in front of it. There was a noise in the kitchen, peering around the corner I saw Cass.

"Hey." I said walking over to him.

"Hey." He replied and handed me a glass of milk and a plate of toast and scrambled eggs.

"What's this?" I smiled at him.

"This should make you feel better." He replied and moved past me with a sheepish look on his face.

Following him to the table we sat down and I couldn't help but just smile at him. He looked away awkwardly.

"You're not hungry?" He asked.

"I'm starved. I just think it's nice that you did this for me." I replied.

"Dean is currently indisposed and you need to eat something." He said and finally looked at me.

"Okay." I told him with a raised brow and started to slowly eat the food.

Cass sat and looked off, glancing at me as often as he felt comfortable. He was being incredibly sweet despite the circumstances. When I had finished eating I put the dishes in the sink, leaning against it as I listened to Dean's troubled sleep just around the corner. Shutting my eyes I sighed heavily. Soon I felt Cass's hands on my arms. I leaned against him, lowering my head to hide my emotions.

"Can you help?" I asked softly.

"No. I can't snap my fingers and make this one go away." He told me sadly.

"I thought so." I said leaning my head to the side as he put his against it.

I heard his intake of breath, his muscles start to tense. Frowning, I put my forehead against the side of his head, putting my hand on the other side, gripping his hair. After a long moment I moved away from him.

"I have to look after Dean." I said and went to the divider.

I stopped in the doorway, leaning my head against the frame. Dean looked anxious even in sleep. Sighing I ran my fingers through my hair. Cass sighed and put his hand on my shoulder just as Dean started to thrash. Moving to him I tried waking him but he was stuck in his dream. I yelled his name but he still didn't wake up. I dodged his flailing arm and grabbed his shoulders. I shook him as hard as I could. His eyes flew open and he shot up, his arm catching me in the mouth, sending me to the floor. Cass immediately moved toward me but I stopped him as Dean came flying off of the bed.

"Evy…" He said looking shocked. "I'm so sorry."

Cass was gone and I looked at Dean, swallowing the blood from my split lip. "It's fine." I told him.

"No, it's not." He said taking my head in his hands.

"It is." I told him. "You were having a nightmare. It's okay."

"Who was here?" He asked as he helped me to my feet.

"No one." I told him.

"I swore I saw someone." He replied as he sat me on the bed.

Shaking my head at him I sat and waited as he went and grabbed me a towel of ice. My lip was still bleeding and a throbbing was slowly coming to my head. It had been a good hit. Wouldn't be attempting a wakeup call any time soon.

"Baby, I am sorry about this." He said trying to hold the ice to my mouth.

"It's fine." I said grabbing the towel from him. "Just try and relax. You're sick. I can't blame you for this. You're not thinking straight."

"Jesus, it's really blowing up." He said looking at me sadly.

I hit him but couldn't help but laugh at him. "You still wanna kiss me with this horribly blown up lip?"

He smiled and leaned in, kissing me deeply. We were quiet as we looked at each other. I put my hand on his face. The curve of his lips, the look in his eyes. I kissed him again, tasting his tongue. He smiled as he put his hand on my face. Putting my hand over his, his smile slowly faded as his brows furrowed.

"What is it?" I asked him frowning.

He turned and looked at the clock. "Nothing." He smiled again.

We sat in silence as I tried to bring the swelling down. I watched Dean as I noticed the constant bounce of his knee as he glanced at the clock every few seconds. After staring at it he finally stood and tore it from the wall, smashing it. Sighing, I went to him, putting my hands on his arms. He shook his head and went to the fridge, grabbing a beer. He fell onto the couch and opened it. I sat next to him, running my fingers through his hair.

"We're gonna figure it out." I told him. He scoffed and shook his head, staring at the beer. "Dean, we're gonna figure it out."

"Or I'm just going to die again." He said sadly.

"Don't say that." I said moving closer to him.

"Why not?" He asked. "You don't need me anymore." He whispered.

"Stop it." I frowned taking his face in my hands. "I need you very much."

"And Cass?" He asked.

I sighed. "I don't know."

"You love him." He stated.

"I love you more." I replied.

"I used to believe that." He said sadly.

"I'm letting you down, aren't I?" I frowned.

"I let you down first." He replied.

"How? By dying?" I asked angrily. "There was a certain level of disappointment. But I understand why you did what you did. I failed in bringing you back. Then I started to let you go. Just when I thought I was going to, you came back. Don't blame yourself. This is my mess."

"I just want to be with you." He said barely above a whisper. "I just want to be happy with you."

"Me too." I told him.

"How do we get back there?"

"I don't know." I replied. "I wish I did. Time will tell."

"Time is what we don't have." He said as he started to scratch at his upper forearm.

Frowning I took his hand away from his arm, moving my fingers across the wounds forming on his arm.

"Dean…" I said frowning at him.

He took his hand back and started to scratch at it again. "I just want my girlfriend back. The one I knew before Hell. The one who loved me. Only me." He rambled as he itched. "I don't want to go back to Hell. I don't want to die again."

"You won't." I said trying to stop him.

"I married you because I wanted to. I've never been the type to settle and then I met you. You are the woman for me and now you're in love with some other guy. An angel. A fucking angel." He said as the scratching intensified.

"Dean, stop." I told him.

"Of all people...Castiel. The angel who pulled me out of Hell." He continued.

The whole time he hadn't looked at me once. I didn't know what he was seeing. What was going through his head?

"Baby, listen to me. You need to calm down." I said taking his head in my hands. His eyes met mine and he stopped. "You can't go overboard right now. We need to figure out how to fix you. Then we'll fix everything else." He nodded and downed his beer. "Okay."

Sam came through the door then. Windsor trotted to me, jumping onto the couch next to me. I stroked him as I gave Sam a worried look. He gave me a sad smile. Telling me that there was nothing new.

"How you doing?" Sam asked his brother.

"Oh, just great. Almost forgot what it's like having my head on the chopping block again." Dean replied as he got another beer.

"Stop it, Dean." I told him. "We'll figure it out."

"You keep saying that. Pretty sure we haven't discovered anything new." He said sitting back down. He took a drink of his beer before he choked on it. He spit it out before he continued to gag and choke. Putting his hand to his chest he got up and ran to the sink.

"Dean!" I said and followed him. "Baby, what is it?" I said putting my hands on him. He coughed and gagged until he coughed up a woodchip. He rinsed it off and turned to us.

"Don't you see?" Sam said all excited. "We've been ignoring the biggest clue we've got."

"What clue?" Dean asked.

"You." Sam smiled.

Dean frowned and stared at the woodchip. "I don't wanna be a clue."

"There's a wood factory in town, isn't there?" I asked Sam.

"Yeah, and we're going there." He smiled and we headed to the door.

"You're coming too." I said and grabbed Dean's hand.

He complained the whole way there. When we arrived, Sam and I started to grab the guns and rock salt as Dean downed more liquor. I sighed and looked at Sam. He shrugged and attempted to hand Dean his gun.

"No, I'm not carrying that." Dean told him. Sam just frowned at him. "It could go off." My jaw dropped and I frowned at Sam. "I'll man the flashlight." Dean said and smiled at us.

I rolled my eyes and pushed him toward the building. He skirted behind me and Sam, bringing up the rear. We moved through the factory. As we moved through the locker rooms there was a sound coming from one of them. Sam looked at me. I nodded and we moved toward the sound. On the count of three Sam opened the locker and a cat yowled at our disturbance. Dean screamed like I've never heard him scream before.

"What the hell?" I frowned at him.

"That was scary." He said with a whinny tone. I frowned as Sam rolled his eyes. "What?" Dean asked and followed as we walked from the room.

We searched the rest of the factory. There wasn't anything obviously wrong. It wasn't until we found several drawings, of the same woman, on a desk that we felt like we had finally found something. Dean grabbed one, the picture tearing as he picked it up. I heard a subtle noise behind us and I turned to see a ghost in a corner. He yelled out and rushed us as Sam shot him with rock salt. Taking a deep breath we turned to look at Dean who was no longer with us. We caught a glimpse of him as he ran from the building. Sighing, I put my hand on Sam's shoulder as I went after him. Running back to the car, he was crouched behind it, guzzling his bottle.

"Honey, seriously, what are you doing?" I asked him. He just glanced at me as he guzzled. Shaking my head at him, I looked up as Sam came running out.

"We've got the right place." Sam said holding up the ID of the ghost we had just seen.

From there we went back to the police station to get the ID ran. We found his brother in a home in town. Luther was the man we had seen. He had been in love with the woman in the pictures. She had committed suicide in a nearby county. Her husband was the death that brought us here. Luther's brother helped us understand what had happened. Her husband, in a fit of grief, had tied a chain around Luther's neck and dragged him back and forth in front of the factory till be was beyond dead. Only, that meant that burning the remains was out of the question. We left with lower spirits then when we arrived. Dean was at the breaking point. He couldn't take any more. Not dying. His paranoia was starting to become too much.

"Now we know what these are, road rash." He said holding out his arm. "And I'm guessing Luther swallowed wood chips when he was being dragged down that road."

"Makes sense." Sam replied. "You're experiencing his death in slow motion."

"Yeah well, not soon enough, huh? Say we burn some bones and get me healthy."

"Dean, it won't be that easy."

"No, no, it'll be that easy." Dean shot at him. "Why wouldn't it be that easy?"

Frowning, I put my arm around Dean, "We'll figure this out."

Sam sighed, "Luther was road-hauled. His body was ripped to pieces. He was probably scattered all over that road. There's no way we're gonna find all the remains."

"You're kidding me." Dean frowned.

"We'll figure it out." I repeated.

"Look, we'll just have to figure something else out." Sam told him.

"You know what? Screw this." Dean said angrily.

"Dean." I frowning reaching out for him only to have him pace away from me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dean." Sam said.

Dean's anxiety was increasing every moment. "Come on. No, I mean, come on, Sam. What are we doing?"

"We're hunting a ghost." Sam frowned.

"A ghost, exactly! Who does that?"

"Us."

"Sam." I frowned at him. "Dean, baby, just calm down."

"Us? Right." Dean frowned. "And that Sam, that is exactly why our lives suck."

"Stop." I frowned at him.

"I mean, come on, we hunt monsters! What the hell?! I mean, normal people, they see a monster, and they run. But not us, no, no, no, we – we search out things that want to kill us. Yeah? Huh? Or eat us! You know who does that? Crazy people! We…are insane!"

"Dean." I said gently gripping his jacket before he paced away from me again. "Stop." I said reaching for him. "Just take a deep breath."

"No." He shot at me. "And then there's the bad diner food and then the skeevy motel rooms and then the truck-stop waitress with the bizarre rash."

"Excuse me?" I frowned at him.

"I mean, who wants this life, Sam? Huh? Seriously?"

"I do." I shot at him, crossing my arms.

"Do you two actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day, every single day?"

"Yes." I told him, shutting my eyes and I attempted not to take this to heart. He was sick.

"I don't think so! I mean, I drive too fast. And I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again, a-and I sing along. I'm annoying, I know that. And you – you're gassy! You eat half a burrito, and you get toxic! And you!" He said pointing at me. "You get so whinny when you're on your period that you drive me insane! And the moodiness! Not to mention you cheated on me with a fucking angel."

"Dean." I frowned at him.

"I mean, you what?" Dean said before tossing Sam the keys. "You can forget it."

"Whoa, Dean, where are you going?"

"Stay away from me Sam, okay? Cause I am done with it. I'm done with the monsters and – and – and the hellhounds and the ghost sickness and the damn apocalypse. I'm out. I'm done. Quit."

"Dean!" I called after him. "Damn it."

Thinking he was just cooling off, when he didn't come back, Sam and I split up and looked for Dean. But he seemed to have disappeared. I'd been looking for hours when Sam called and told me he found Dean back in the room. Sighing, I turned around and headed back at a leisurely pace. I didn't want Dean to try and talk things out right now. He wasn't thinking straight. There was nothing I could say to make him feel better right now.

"Is he okay?" I asked Sam as I answered my phone, still making my way back.

"He's full out hallucinating." He sighed into the phone. "Thought I was attacking him. I don't know what he thought I was telling him but he was freaking out."

Sighing, I rubbed my forehead. "I'm on my way."

"Good. Someone should be here with him. Bobby called. He thinks he's got a way to help him. It's a long shot but it might work. I'm gonna go meet up with him."

"That's good news." I told him. "I'd really like to see Dean _not_ die today." I told him.

"Just be careful. He's on his way over the edge." Sam told me sadly.

"I'll be okay." I told him.

"I know. Just...don't let your guard down."

"I won't." I replied. "If you can…hurry."

"I will. Love you."

"Love you too." I smiled and hung up the phone.

I picked up my pace as I hurried back to the room. Though I almost thought him being alone would be safer than me being there. Especially if he was freaking out. I was out of breath when I got back to the room to hear yelling inside. Bursting through the door I discovered the sheriff on the floor, dead. I could hear Dean. He was talking to someone. I couldn't tell who he was seeing. I slowly moved across the room and looked around the corner at him. He was sitting on the bed looking at the empty space next to him.

"Dean?" I asked gently. He looked up at me. A smile crossing his face. I smiled back. "Baby, you okay?"

"I knew it." He said nodding.

"Knew what?" I frowned at him.

"You're fucking him aren't you?" He grinned at me. "Every time I leave. Every time you go out on your own. You're fucking that angel."

"Dean, no." I told him.

"You love him more than you love me." He continued.

"Stop." I told him as he stood up and stepped toward me.

"You've been cheating on me ever since I've been back."

"No." I said stepping away from him. "Dean, stop, this isn't you."

He grabbed me, throwing me into the other room. For a second I was out of his sight. When he rounded the corner his eyes grew wide as anger crossed his face. My eyes grew wide with fear as his breathing quickened.

"You son of a bitch." He said just fuming.

"Dean?" I frowned at him.

"She's my wife!" He yelled.

"Oh, God." I said as I realized what he was seeing. I wasn't me anymore. I was _him_. I was Cass. "Dean, it's me. I am your wife!" I said as I started to shake.

He looked behind him before looking at me. I'd never seen him look like that before. I was scared. I glanced at the door before making a run for it. He tackled me to the floor before throwing me across the room again. I limped to my feet. I could feel blood dripping down the side of my head.

"Don't do this." I told him attempting to stay out of reach. "Baby, please, it's me."

He charged me. I ran around the table. He beat me around it slamming me on top of it, the table collapsing underneath me. I coughed as the air was forced from my lungs. He bent over me and started to beat me.

"Where is she?" He yelled and punched me again. "You can't have her! I don't care what you made her believe!"

"Dean…" I said as I swallowed a mouthful of blood. "Please…"

"You show up here…" He said still throwing punches. "And think you can take what you want. But you can't. You can't have her."

With every punch he seemed to be hearing something. My only reprieve came when he yelled out, stumbling backward, falling to his knees. I watched as he clutched his chest. His heart was starting to fail. I staggered to my hands and knees. Tears were streaming as I watched him. My mind told me to go to him, but my body wouldn't let me. I couldn't control my shaking. He fell to the side, but his heart didn't stop. The pain seemed to disappear and his eyes met mine. He frowned and got to his feet. He moved toward me but I instinctively moved away from him. He stopped, falling to his knees.

"Evy…" He said looking at me. "I thought…" He started.

"You thought I was Cass." I finished for him. "And you…" I started but couldn't finish.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He said as his eyes filled with tears.

"You beat me." I said, needing to finish.

"I didn't…"

"At first you did." I told him. "I know that things have been off lately. But is that really what you think? That I've been cheating on you as often as I can?" I frowned at him.

"No." He said shaking his head. He reached out his hand to me.

"Don't." I said moving into a corner. "Don't." I repeated shaking my head.

"It's been on my mind but I never thought…"

"You did." I replied. "I know you did. It would cross my mind too. But…I would never…"

"Evy, please, I never wanted to hurt you."

"Your subconscious did." I told him.

"Let me help you." He said moving toward me.

"No!" I yelled, cowering away from him. The painful look on his face was almost too much to take. But I just couldn't. "I can't. I just can't." I told him.

"What are we gonna do?" He asked.

"I need space." I told him. "I'm calling Cass."

"Don't." He told me.

"He'll take me somewhere –"

"Safe?" He finished for me.

"I just can't brush this off as you suffering from some ghost sickness. You didn't see your face." I told him. "You didn't see your fist hitting mine." He nodded. I shut my eyes, lowering my head. "Castiel."

A second later there was the sound of his arrival. A frown immediately crossed his face as he bent down in front of me. "What happened?" He asked putting his hand on my face.

"Can you take me somewhere?" I asked.

"Dean?" Cass frowned, turning to my husband.

"Cass, please." I said standing.

Putting most of my weight on my left leg I limped toward him. Cass noticed the way I stepped as far away from Dean as I could. He frowned at me before he looked back at Dean. Dean looked guilty. Cass put two and two together and the next thing I knew Dean was flying across the room.

"Cass!" I said reaching for him. "Don't!"

I didn't move fast enough. Cass had Dean pinned against the wall. I gimped over to them, putting my hand on Cass's arm.

"Please, Cass." I said catching his eyes.

He stared at me before nodding. He dropped Dean, blocking me with his body as he did. I looked at Dean as I gripped Cass's arm.

"I'm sorry." I told Dean. "I'll call you."

"Evy, please don't do this. You said we'd fix things." He told me.

"I did and we'll try. But right now I have to fix me." I replied.

"No." He said.

"Don't do this." I said shaking my head.

I could see the anger bubbling. Shaking my head again I ducked as he grabbed Cass, shoving him against the wall.

"Stop it!" I yelled shoving him away from Cass. "If you really love me you'll just stop." I said looking at him. "If you're that angry at me. If somewhere, deep down, you wanted to push me away. This worked." I told him.

"Don't go." Dean told me sadly.

I had the urge to go to him. To wrap my arms around his neck. To love him. But I didn't feel safe. Not right now. I needed to leave, even if it was just for a little while.

"Cass…" I said as I gripped his coat. I felt his arm around me and I met Dean's eyes before the room disappeared.


	17. Seeking Safety

_**Chapter Seventeen: Seeking Safety**_

We stood in the middle of what looked like a cabin. There were log walls with a fireplace. A large couch in front of it. There were candles lit. The smell of purple freesia in the air. It was comforting and peaceful. Or, rather, it would have been if what just happened hadn't. As soon as the realization hit me, I started to sob. Cass pulled me against him. My knees gave out and he pulled me into his arms. I sobbed against him, unable to breath with their severity. I was in so much pain, even after Cass healed my wounds. Sitting in front of the fire, silent tears continuously fell from my eyes. I knew Cass was watching. I could hear him pacing behind me.

"You can come over here you know. Alone isn't exactly what I want." I said and looked at him. Pain was written across his face. "Don't look at me like that." He opened his mouth but I shook my head. "And don't even try and say that this is your fault. He was sick. Just because his hallucinations picked us out as the enemy doesn't mean that it was your fault. It's my fault. It's always my fault."

"No, it's not." He said sitting next to me. "I put all of this into motion the moment I saw you."

"Yeah, you fucked that one up." I smiled at him.

He smiled putting his arm around me. I sighed, leaning into him. Feeling his lips in my hair I shut my eyes. The tears kept coming as I rested my head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.

"I'm sorry this is happening to you." He told me.

"Me too." I replied. "I wish everything was like it was before. When me and Dean were happy."

"I'm sorry I ruined it for you." He said sadly.

"I am too. Only about how it all turned out." I said and pulled my ring from my finger. I looked at it before setting it on the coffee table in front of us.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm not sure." I said looking at him. "But I think it might be over."

"Don't say that." Cass told me. "You'll figure it out."

"Why do you sound like you want me to?" I frowned up at him.

"Because…I have to believe that you can overcome this."

"Why?"

"It'll complicate too much. I cannot defy any more orders. If you are not with Dean then I would want to be with you, and I can't. I have orders."

"It seems like I'm the common denominator in all of this. Maybe you should lock me away and throw away the key." I told him.

"No." He said and kissed my temple. "I need you with me." I smiled. "And so does Dean."

"You should have seen his face." I said shaking my head. "He was so angry. At both of us. He's so angry and it's my fault. I never wanted to hurt him. But now he hurt me. I know it wasn't intentional. I know he didn't mean to. But his hands were always supposed to protect me. Supposed to hold me and love me…not hurt me." I said and looked at him. "He _beat_ me. Even though he was suffering from a stupid demonic disease. But I needed him to trust me. To know me. And he didn't. He didn't know me. He only saw me as the woman who was cheating on him. I have cheated on him. I have. He let it happen once. It was supposed to be the last. But even if we aren't physical, the connection has been made. You and I are connected and I can't break that. I am torn between two men. I know which one I should be with. I'm just not sure I can anymore. Things are different." I said and scoffed. "Death has a way of changing things. Neither of us are who we were before he died. I'm not sure we'll ever be those people again. All I know is that I'm afraid. I'm afraid of him and not knowing how to get past that scares me even more."

"It just happened. You will figure it out." Cass told me gently.

"I hope you're right." I said picking my ring back up. "I really do."

Slipping my ring back on, I leaned against him again. With his arms around me he helped me from the floor. Going into the next room there was a large bed. I crawled into it. Cass did the same, pulling me against him as he put his arm around me. I put my hand in his, linking our fingers, cradling it against my chest. I was exhausted. With his closeness I was comfortable and peaceful. Sleep came easily. Though my last thought was that he had something to do with that.

(BREAK)

Waking to the smell off coffee, I rolled onto my back. There were no windows but it seemed as if there was sunlight drifting from somewhere. I assumed it was just an angel thing as I sat up, running my fingers through my hair. For a second I was foggy on what was going on. Then I remembered…

Lying back down, I pulled a pillow against my chest, hugging it tightly. My eyes felt heavy. They felt like they wanted to cry but no tears would come. They burned with dryness and I assumed I had cried so much yesterday that I just didn't have the water needed to produce them. There was a crack in the door and I could see Cass sitting at a table. He was resting his chin on the top of his knuckles. He had a serious yet pained look on his face. He kept glancing at the door. Then he shut his eyes. I would almost bet my life that he was praying. When he lowered his hands, I slowly got up, inching the door open. He looked up and smiled at me. Smiling back I sat next to him.

"I made coffee." He told me.

"I know. It smells amazing." I replied.

He frowned but ran his fingers gently down my face. I took his hand in mine, holding it, looking up at him to meet his eyes. They told me all I needed to know. I was so deep in my own shit that I couldn't see a way out.

"I must go." He finally told me, taking his hand away.

"I understand." I nodded at him.

"Will you be all right?" He asked standing.

"Probably not." I replied with a short laugh.

A frown crossed his face as he looked down at me. I was ringing my hands, trying not to worry too much. I heard his sigh before I felt his hand on my face, his lips against my forehead.

"I won't be long." He said gently.

"Okay." I replied nodding at him. He gently moved his thumb across my cheek before he took his hand back. "If I want to call him…will my phone work?" I asked him.

"Yes." He said and disappeared.

Sighing, I poured myself a large cup of coffee before going to the bathroom. Turning on the hot water I let it steam up the room before undressing and climbing into it. The water felt amazing, helping release the tension and pain from my body. But it wouldn't last. As soon as I turned it off and the steam started to dissipate, everything was as it was before. I was in a safe place away from the man who I was supposed to feel the safest with. Quickly dressing, leaving my ring on the counter, I left the room. Going to the couch I found nothing to waste time with. It was just a place. There was nourishment and necessity. That was it. It looked like I was my only company. As safe as this place was. I was going to spend a lot of time thinking. It was probably all part of his plan.

Only I didn't want to think about it. Thinking meant reliving. The last thing I wanted to do was relive what had happened. Dean's hands causing me so much pain. Tasting the blood that he had caused to spill. Even after being healed I could still feel the place where my lips had split. Feel the gash he had caused on my cheekbone. The pain to my abdomen. It was all phantom pains. My body was healed. But the emotional pain it had caused was too much to bear. How was I supposed to trust him after this? How was I supposed to just let it go? Even if he didn't mean it - even if he was infected with a demonic disease - it was still him. He was still the one who was in charge of his own body. If he didn't believe it to be true he would have fought harder. He would have seen me. Only I was afraid of what he saw. Afraid of it being true. But after what happened I wasn't sure if it would bother me as much. Feeling like I had already lost him, I felt the need to be comforted. I knew where I'd seek that comfort. Feeling the loss of one love I'd find comfort in the love of another.

Dean's face was forever at the front of my mind. The way I wanted to remember him. The way I loved him. I tried to focus on that. Cass was always there as well but I wanted to try and work through the pain. Work through the feelings that were going through me. Knowing that I was to blame. I had tried to fight my feelings. Tried to love like I had for so long. But I had failed and now I was facing a lifetime without him. I wasn't sure what was worse. Leaving Dean and finding happiness with Cass. Or going back to the man who had beat me, hurting the other man I loved, not knowing if I'd ever truly be happy again. This was too complicated. Just…too complicated.

Finding the tears that I had thought had passed, I curled up on the couch and cried. Cried for everything that had gone wrong. For everything that needed to be done. For the decisions that I would have to make. I didn't know how to make them. I was at the end of my rope. I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to face this. I didn't know how. I cried till I was exhausted and sleep finally took me.

(BREAK)

Waking to the sound of a crackling fire, my eyes finally cracked open. Rubbing the sleep from them I looked to see Cass sitting on the coffee table, watching me. Sighing, I just looked at him. He just looked back with that focused look of his. I felt tears come to my eyes. He kneeled next to me, gently running his fingers through my hair. Frowning, I looked away from him, trying to control my tears. He put his forehead against mine. He smelled amazing. The scent filled me every time I took a deep calming breath. I could feel his breath on my face. My body reacting to his closeness. Resting my head on his shoulder I wrapped my arms around him as he did the same. He shifted, sitting on the edge of the couch as he pulled me up against him. He cradled me in his arms and for a moment I felt the comfort I was seeking. His arms were strong and they seemed right as they held me. He released me before moving to the end of the couch. Sitting up, I pulled my knees to my chest. We looked at each other for a long moment before he broke it, looking at his hands.

"Did you call him?" He asked.

"No." I replied.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't know what to say to him. I don't know where to even start with this." I told him. "I will though. I will call him and we will talk. But I'm just not ready to yet. I'm gonna give both of us a couple days to wrap our heads around what happened."

"Has he called you?"

"I don't know. I turned my phone off. I have no idea who's called or texted me. I don't wanna know just yet." I replied. He just nodded. "You don't want me to call him, do you?" He just looked at me. "I thought you weren't going to try anything. I thought you wanted me to work things out with Dean."

"I do." He stated.

"You don't look like it. I can see it all over your face." I told him.

"I can't have what I want. It's just not possible." He said sadly.

"Who says you're the only one with a say here?" I frowned at him.

"You don't want me. You just don't know it yet."

"Don't try and tell me what I do and don't want. You have _no_ idea of what's going through my head. You think you know me and what I want but you don't. You say you want me but I'm right here. Right here for the taking and I'm still sitting here, waiting for you to make up your damn mind." I told him coldly.

He just frowned at me. With our eyes locked he stood and stepped toward me. He took me off guard as he pulled me up from the couch, lifting me into his arms. His strong muscles moved under my hands as he carried me to the bedroom. He laid me on the bed before gently moving over me. Putting my hands on his arms he slowly lowered himself down on top of me. I ran my fingers through his hair. This wasn't what I had planned but I wanted it. The way he looked at me. The way his hands moved over me. He trailed his fingers down my face and neck, his hand cradling my face. Looking at him I couldn't help but smile. His face softened and he gave me a small smile before he kissed me. His mouth invaded mine. Our tongues moving together as I wrapped my arms around him. His hands slid down my body. It felt like before. It felt like my dream had felt. Like as wrong as it was there was something right about it. I let him in. Let him do anything he wanted. And I wasn't sorry.

(BREAK)

The next few days felt more like heaven than heaven had. As horrible as it sounded, these days were bliss. Dean and I had had our spans of time that seemed to be the happiest days. This was different. With Cass it came easier than it did with Dean. It hurt to even think it. I never let the thought linger long. Cass and I spent days in bed together. He told me he had angel proofed the safe house. No one would be able to find us. Not from either side. As soon as our clothes were off that second night there was no putting them back on. We laid in bed, staring at each other. I caressed his face as he pulled me tighter against him. My body fit nicely against his. He smiled and kissed me deeply. Running my fingers through his hair I sucked at his chin and neck seductively. I heard a small moan from him, making me grin and find his lips with mine. Grinning he got out of bed briefly before reappearing with strawberries and a bottle of wine. I just laughed lightly as I sat up, wrapping a sheet around me. He crawled back onto the bed and fed me one of the berries. I smiled doing the same for him. Running my hand down his bare chest I kissed him, tasting the juice on his tongue. Smiling I popped open the wine bottle, pouring it into the glasses that Cass held.

"This is nice." He smiled.

"Yes it is." I smiled back, kissing him sweetly. "It feels amazing."

"Tastes amazing too." He said kissing me.

I laughed and nuzzled against him. He wrapped his arm around my waist, kissing my neck. I giggled and bit into a strawberry before sharing the rest of it with him. He rested his face on the side of my head. Every time he blinked I could feel his eyelashes brush against my skin. I felt a wave of goosebumps cover my skin.

"Are you cold?" He asked as he pulled me closer against him. The heat from his body just intensified the feeling.

"No." I said and kissed him deeply. "Just turned on is all." I smiled and gently sucked on his earlobe.

He let out a small laugh. I loved his laugh. Maybe it was because I rarely heard it. It made me feel good.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear.

"I love you too." I whispered back.

His mouth found mine. Pulling me back he laid me down as he moved over me. My body screamed for this to happen. Screamed for it to be this way. I felt like I had never before. I couldn't remember feeling such passion and love. I did love him. I loved what he did to me. The way he made me feel. He looked at me like no one had ever before. I couldn't explain it. I didn't want to. I just wanted to be with him. Like this. For as long as I could.

"What are you thinking?" He asked me as we lay in each other's arms.

"How this could be happening." I smiled at him. He smiled back. "When we first met…after all the unanswered questions and the coming and going. After the vampires and we first slept together I thought this was how it was going to end. I had thought I had miraculously found the man I could be with after Dean. You made me not miss him. I was moving on."

"Then I brought him back." He said and rolled away from me. His tone was numb.

"Hey." I frowned, grabbing him as he moved to sit up. Pulling him back down to me. "Don't do that."

"Why not? You're going to tell me that this is the end. I can't keep feeling like I get to keep you when I keep having to give you back." He said looking at me sadly.

"I wasn't going to say that." I frowned at him. Though I wondered if it was coming. I hadn't thought that far ahead yet. He just looked at me. "I understand what you're feeling." I said caressing his face. "I feel the same way. I don't know what to do most of the time. But I fell for you before you brought Dean back. I love Dean. I really, really do. I will always love him. But I love you too. I love the way you make me feel. You're different and I love that. I married Dean because I thought that that's what I wanted. When he came back I wanted things to be the way they were. But they're not anymore. Things changed. _I_ changed. And what I want changed." I said and met his eyes. "What I want…is you. I can't explain it and I'm not going to deny it. I can't. Not anymore. So…yeah." I said and felt my face flush. He looked at me with such intensity I didn't know what was going on inside of his head. "What are you thinking?" I finally asked him.

"I've waited a long time to hear you say that." He told him gently.

His body relaxed against me. I had told him what he wanted to hear. But it was the truth. The hardest part would be when I called Dean to tell him that I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him anymore. But that would cause a lot of problems. A separation was what was bound to happen. But I also knew that I couldn't go with Cass everywhere he went. He was an angel. I couldn't follow him. I would have to make peace with Dean and with Sam. I needed him to not hate me. I needed him to still be there. I couldn't live without him but I couldn't live without Cass either. Not anymore.

Cass ran his fingers through my hair, his lips moving with mine as I pulled him down on top of me. The pressure of his body on top of mine made my breath catch as I waited for the pleasures he gave me. Arching against him I moaned happily as his lips trailed down my neck reaching my cleavage before he came back up. It was over sooner than I wanted. He kissed me sweetly before he rolled off the bed.

"Where are you going?" I asked as I sat up.

He smiled and leaned down to me, kissing me again. "I'll be right back."

"Don't take too long." I told him softly.

He kissed me deeply before he stood, looking down at me, before he disappeared from the room and I sat there in silence, feeling a sense of loneliness as soon as he left. There was the sound of footfalls and I waited for Cass to reappear. Only he didn't. Another figure filled the doorframe. He was tall. He looked to be in his forties. My stomach fell and I pulled the sheet tighter around me. A grin crossed his face as he looked at me.

"Who are you?" I asked him.

"I am Zachariah. Castiel has been a very naughty boy." He told him, his grin widening.

The next thing I knew there was a flash of white light and he was gone. Cass appeared then, blood dripping from his arm. His opposite hand smeared with it. I shot out of bed, rushing to him.

"Cass, oh God." I said grabbing his arm.

"I'll be fine." He told me. I couldn't read his expression.

"Baby?" I said trying to meet his eyes.

"We must go." He replied.

"What? Why? What did he want?" I asked.

"I have to return you to Dean." He told me.

"No." I replied. "Please, you're hurt."

"I'll be fine." He repeated.

I sat him down on the edge of the bed and started to try and wrap his arm. Something was wrong. He was different. Zachariah had to be his superior. Cass was afraid for himself.

"What would he have done?" I asked. "If you hadn't sent him away."

"I don't know." He replied.

"Cass." I said meeting his eyes. "You're scared. What's going on?"

"I must return you to Dean." He repeated.

"What about you?" I asked.

"I must leave. Must do my duty." He told me sadly.

"You can't leave." I frowned at him. "What was all this for then? You're the one leaving me this time."

"I'll be back." He said putting his hand on my face. "Just remember...I love you."

Tears came to my eyes and I nodded at him. "I love you." I told him, kissing him deeply. "When will I see you again?"

"I don't know." He said standing.

Following him, he washed the blood from his hands and arms. His wound was healed. He turned to me, taking my face in my hands. He kissed me passionately, pulling me against him. I gripped him tightly. I didn't want to let him go. He pulled away from me, taking my hand, leading me back to the bedroom. He threw clothes at me and I reluctantly put them on, watching him as he did the same. As soon as we were done he pulled me against him again. Placing a kiss on my forehead we were standing in a field.

"The Impala will be coming into view in just a few minutes. Walk towards the road. They will see you." Cass told me.

"I wanna stay with you." I said taking his head in my hands.

"Please, Evy, don't do this." Cass told me with furrowed brows. "I must leave you for now."

"I haven't seen or talked to him since it happened. I can't just go back to him." I told him. "Please don't go."

"I must." I said putting his hand on my face. "I love you. But you have to be safe. And safe is with your husband and your brother."

"Castiel, I don't feel safe with them anymore." I told him sadly.

"I'll be watching over you. I'll come back for you. But you are safer with them than with anyone else. Please, you have to do this. I must go." He replied.

"I love you." I told him again, kissing him passionately.

In the next second he was gone. I stood there…alone. Turning to the road, I sighed before walking toward it. As Cass had said, the Impala came into view. I watched as it slowed and both got out of the car and watched me walk toward them. I was only a few yards away when I stopped. Sam opened the back door and Windsor came running toward me. I bent and greeted my dog. Afterward I stood and looked at the men. I wasn't sure what to do. Was I supposed to run into their open arms? Pretend like nothing happened? Hide the fact that I was afraid? Dean beat me and Sam was getting deeper and deeper into demon blood. Taking a deep breath I started toward him again. Sam was closer to me. Dean was on the other side of the car. When I was just a few feet from the car I stopped again. We all eyed each other. There was only one word I could think of.

"Hello." I told them quietly.

"Hi." Sam replied.

"Evy…" Dean said but didn't come around the car. "Where's Cass?" He asked.

"There was trouble." I replied. "He had to return me or something would've happened."

"Like what?" Sam asked.

"I don't know. It all happened pretty fast." I told him.

"So, you're back." Dean stated.

"For now." I replied.

"For now?" He asked with raised brows.

"Did you think I'd come running back with open arms?" I frowned at him. "You _beat_ me, Dean. Whether you were in control or not it was still your face I saw as I was beaten. Beaten over and over again. You wanted to hurt me. You were convinced that I had been cheating on you this entire time. I couldn't say anything to make you think different. I haven't been. I might just start though." I shot at him.

"Why did you bother coming back at all then?" He frowned at me.

"Because, apparently, I'm safest with the two of you." I frowned back at him. "Though I'm not as easily convinced of that."

"Okay, let's just stop and take a minute to just be happy she's back." Sam told his brother. "You are safe with us."

"Sam…" I said looking at him sadly. "I used to think so. But after everything you've done. After what he's done. How am I supposed to believe that?"

"Evy, please, you know us." Sam said walking up to me.

"I do. And that's why this is going to work. But this isn't as before. It's not like it was and I don't know if it ever will." I told him. Sam nodded but pulled me into a hug. Sighing, I hugged him back. Looking at Dean as I did.

"I doubt I'm getting a hug." Dean said when Sam released me.

"Sorry." I told him. "I'll take the back."

Dean nodded and we all got into the car. I didn't know where we were going or what we were doing. I'd help them as much as I could. But I was uneasy about it all. Dean and I would have to talk. To get out everything we needed to. To whatever end that came. But I still didn't feel as safe as I had with Cass and he was gone. I didn't know when I was going to see him again.


	18. Unease

_**Chapter Eighteen: Unease**_

It was weird. Just too…weird. Dean was lying on a cot while Sam and I were in the beds. It wasn't right. I knew that. But it was the way it had to be. Windsor was happy about it. He got half the bed to himself now. We had been back for a few hours now. The werewolf was dead and we were nearly injury free.

"You shouldn't have done that." Dean told me from the end of the bed.

"I wasn't going to let it kill you." I replied.

"Only you almost got yourself killed in the process." He retorted.

"Dean, seriously." I frowned and sat up. I winched with pain as the slashes on my shoulder shifted with my body. He did the same. "Just because things are on the rocks with us doesn't mean I want anything bad to happen to you. Believe it or not I do still love you."

"Okay." He said but his face softened. "I love you too."

I sighed heavily and crawled onto my stomach to be closer to him. It had been a few weeks since I had seen Cass. Things had been weird but not as much as I had initially thought. We weren't physical but there was still something there. I was still drawn to him in many ways. He was still my husband. He was still a huge part of my life. But Cass was still forever on my mind. I didn't know what had happened to him. I missed him. He needed to come back. Sighing, I put my hand on his face. He leaned into my hand. Leaning forward I kissed his forehead.

"Are you sick of sleeping on the cot?" I finally asked him.

"Yes." He said looking at me with hopeful eyes.

"Then come on." I said moving back up the bed.

"Are you serious?" Dean frowned at me.

"I think I can handle sleeping next to you. I've been doing it for years. I'm not a fan of sleeping alone."

"Me neither." He said and crawled onto the bed.

Windsor whined but took residence on the cot. His head resting on the bed, looking at me with sad eyes. I leaned down and stroked his head before lying back. Dean and I were quiet as we both stared at the ceiling.

"I liked it better the other way." Sam piped up. "You were at least talking to each other then."

"This is weird isn't it?" Dean said looking over at me. "I can feel it running off of you."

I looked back at him. "Yeah, it is." I replied. "I'm still a little afraid of you and I can't seem to shake that feeling."

"You wish Cass was here." He stated looking back up at the ceiling.

I didn't need to reply but I did anyway. "Yeah, I do."

"Are we…over?" He frowned at me.

"I don't know." I replied.

"I don't want to be." He told me. "I'll fight for you. You know I will. To the death if I have to."

"Dean…don't." I told him. "It won't help anything. I know this is hurting you and I'm sorry about that. I really, really am. I never thought we would be like this. Not ever. We're supposed to be happy. But things are different. Feelings have shifted. I know yours have too. The guilt inside of you about what happened. But when you were gone things moved on without you. We all were forced to move on. You were gone. I'm sorry but that's the way things are. You said it yourself. You came back in the middle of things. It sucks. But I can't change that now. I just…I've found another man that makes me happy. As happy as you did. I love him. I do. I love you too. But things are different."

"You said that." He said but wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I really am. I wish everything could be as before. You _know_ that."

"I know." He said looking at me. "You left me for an angel. I guess it could be worse."

"Thank you." I said kissing his cheek. He said it trying to lighten the mood.

"You're welcome." He said and turned onto this side.

Doing the same, our backs to each other, I heaved a heavy sigh. Sam looked at me and frowned sadly. I just frowned back and shut my eyes. Sleep was all I wanted. Hopefully dreams of Cass.

* * *

><p>It was a dream. I knew it was. The feel of it was blurry around the edges. The scene directly in front of me was what I noticed the most. My mind was telling me something. Only none of this was right. None of this was good. There was something dark here. Something that I didn't want to see but my mind was going to show it to me anyway. I was in the cabin. Everything looked the same. My breathing was shallow as I slowly made my way through. It was in the bedroom. Whatever it was that my mind wanted to show me was in the bedroom. It always was. It was Cass. It had to be. Why else would I be dreaming of this place? I paused, not wanting to see what was waiting for me in the room. But there was no turning back. I would have to push forward. I would have to see what was in there. What pain could be waiting for me in there? Finally moving through the door, tears ran from my eyes. Only it wasn't a sad sight. There was candle light. Cass was sitting in the middle of the bed, wearing only a sheet. His toned chest rising and falling with every breath that he took. Leaping onto the bed, I threw my arms around his neck. Sobbing into his shoulder I moved my hands over his body. Taking his head in my hands I kissed him deeply and passionately. Stopping to look him in his eyes, kissing him with our eyes locked.<p>

"I've missed you so much." I told him through my tears. "Where have you been?"

"In heaven." He replied.

"God, I've missed you." I said wrapping my arms around his neck again, caressing the back of his head. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you." He whispered softly in my ear.

In the next second he was gone from my arms. "Cass?" I said searching the room. "Cass!"

Getting off the bed I moved to leave the room when the lights went out. I froze, my breathing erratic, as I waited for something to happen. I moved to the wall, sliding down it. When the lights came back on I couldn't stop the scream that escaped my lips. There was blood everywhere. Cass was now lying on the bed, blood dripping from his outstretched arm. The tears ran hot and fast as I slowly got to my feet. Shaking uncontrollably, I inched toward the bed. Cass's body was cut and bleeding. His lips parted and his eyes half lidded as he lay there in a pool of his own blood. Sobbing, I crawled onto the bed and took his head in my hands. Placing my forehead against his, I sobbed. He was gone. I didn't know it was possible but he was dead. He was dead and now I was too. Again.

"You really love him don't you?" A voice asked.

Looking up I saw Zachariah. "What are you doing here? What did you do to him?" I asked and lifted Cass's torso into my arms. "Oh God…" I said continuing to sob.

"He must love you." He told me.

"What?" I frowned at him.

"He's sensing your pain. He's reacting to it like I've never felt him before." He said with an odd cock to his head, looking to the heavens.

"Please, just give him back to me." I cried. Still knowing it was a dream I couldn't respond any other way. I needed him. I wanted him back. "Please, please, _please_ give him back.

"You know, I don't think I will." He told me with an evil grin.

"You son of a bitch!" I shot at him.

"Cass may not be dead." He told me straight faced. "But I did find what I was looking for. I am as real as you are. You know we can enter dreams."

"What?" I asked my crying starting to slow.

"You made this very easy for me." He replied with a smile.

"He's okay?" I asked.

"Oh, he's fine." He assured me. "But your little romance is over. He knows what he's supposed to be doing. Sleeping with the help is not one of them."

"The help?" I frowned lowering Cass's body to the bed. Slowing stepping off the bed I took a few steps towards Zachariah. "What is it that you want?"

"That's not up for discussion." He replied.

"Where is Cass?" I demanded.

"He's home." He replied and disappeared.

The room stayed as it was. I turned and Cass's dead form was still on the bed. Knowing he was really alright made it better, but the scene Zachariah had painted felt very real. Moving to the bed, I knelt next to him, putting my hand on his face.

"If this is what'll happen if we try to be together…then I don't know if I can risk it." I told him. "How would I be able to forgive myself if something really happens to you?" I said wiping the tears from my cheeks. "I love you." I said leaning in and kissing him. "I just want to see you one more time. Please, baby, come back." I said and started sobbing again. Then the scene started to blur.

Opening my eyes to tears running from the corners, I took a deep calming breath. I felt like there was a void in my chest. Dean and Sam were still sleeping. Slowly getting out of bed I went to the bathroom. Looking at my reflection I couldn't help but wanna cry again. I looked so fatigued. I had reopened one of the lacerations on my shoulder. Not caring about the noise I undressed and got into the shower. The water was almost hot enough to scald.

Standing underneath the water, I shut my eyes. Wanting everything to go back to the times when it was easy. When I had a clear idea of what I wanted and when I already had it. Now my mind was conflicted. My heart torn in two. How do you love two men at the same time? How do you love two men and expect to be in both their lives? How do you love an angel and think that there is a future there? I wanted to find a jinn and make them put me back in the world I wanted. The one where I was normal and there were no demon hunting. I was married to Cass and things were normal and right. Sam with Jess. Only Dean was on the outskirts of that life. But I almost felt like I could handle that for a normal life. A normal life with a husband and a house and a career in art. Who wouldn't want that?

Hearing Windsor at the door, I reached out and let him in. He sat in front of the curtain and whined. Opening the curtain, he jumped in and sat on the opposite side of the waterfall. Kneeling down, the water fell on my back. I smiled at my dog as he whined and cocked his head. I gave a soft laugh and took his head in my hands. He stepped closer to me and put his forehead against mine. I smiled, loving my dog even more. He was just what I needed. A small amount of comfort. Only I couldn't fight the tears. The sobs started again and I pulled my dog to me, burying my face in his coat. I was done. I didn't want to feel like this anymore.

* * *

><p>The Impala bounced, jerking me awake. Running my fingers through my hair, I sat up. Dean kept glancing at me. I knew what he was saying without him having to say it. I just sighed and put my elbow on the edge of the window, resting my head in my hand.<p>

"They're just nightmares." I told him.

"Bad ones." He replied.

"I'll live. I've had these kind of nightmares before." I stated.

"Cass dies in them?" He asked.

"I was shown something that I just can't seem to forget." I told him sadly.

"You were shown something?" Sam asked.

"Zachariah showed himself in my dreams. First he showed me Cass alive and well. Then Cass dead and bloody." I told him.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"He was trying to prove a point. He called me "the help"."

"The help?" Dean frowned.

"Yeah. He told me that Cass wouldn't be back. That he knew what he had to do. And that sleeping with the help wasn't part of it." I looked at Dean, seeing the pain cross his face. "I'm sorry." I told him.

"I should be saying that." Dean replied. "But I can't say I'm not happy that he won't be around."

"I know." I said looking at my hands. "I guess this is your time to fight." I told him softly.

"I'm sorry." He told me again, taking my hand in his.

"Thank you." I told him squeezing his hand.

That night I woke up cradled in Dean's arms. We hadn't been this close since I'd been back. It was comforting. It was nice. I nuzzled against him, feeling tears burn as I shut my eyes, praying for sleep. Only the nightmares wouldn't cease. I was doomed to be unhappy for the rest of my life. Moments of happiness here and there, but the bad seemed to outweigh the good. Something was always going to go wrong and it seemed as if it was always going to be my fault.

"Cass, if you can hear me, I hope you're okay." I told the sky as I sat on the hood of the Impala. "The moon's full tonight, Cass. If only I could experience it with you. To see you." I said as I felt the tears start to brim. Windsor whined next to me, dropping his head in my lap.

"Evy."

My heart felt like it stopped as my breath caught. Looking over I saw Cass standing there. "Is it really you?"

"Yes."

I nodded before rushing to him, throwing my arms around his neck as my tears immediately started to sink into his coat. He pulled me away from him, taking my head in his hands, before kissing me passionately. Pressing myself against his chest I ran my hands up and down it, needing to feel him.

"I'm sorry." He finally whispered, short of breath. "I wish I could have come sooner."

"I've missed you so much." I said taking his head in my hands, running my fingers through his hair. "And what Zachariah showed me…" I said and looked away from him.

"I know. I'm sorry." He told me sadly. "I tried to come but I couldn't."

"But you're alive and you're safe." I said locking my eyes with his.

"And still very much in love with you." He said softly.

Fresh tears spilled over as I smiled at him. "I love you too."

Wrapping my arms around him I kissed him repeatedly, not wanting any amount of distance between us. Letting my lips linger against his, I caught my breath.

"I love you." He whispered as I began kissing him again.

"Please don't leave me again." I told him as tears slid down my cheeks. He kissed them away. "Please, Cass, I can't lose you." He gently pulled me away from him, meeting my eyes as he caressed my face. "Cass…" I said looking at him. He had something he had to say. "Tell me."

"There's nothing to tell." He told me with a small smile.

"You're not staying." I frowned, gripping his shirt. It wouldn't stop him but I had to put in the effort. "Cass…please stay."

"I can't." He frowned at me. Pain written all across his face.

"Then why come now?" I asked him. "If I can't have you then why come?"

"To ask you to wait for me. Something's coming. There will be pain and loss. I need you to be okay." He told me.

"Are you going to fight Zachariah?"

"There are others to fight first. He'll remain safe for now." He replied.

"Will you be safe?" I asked running my fingers down his face.

"I will." He said wrapping his arms around me, he hands moving up and down my back. "For you, I will."

"I can't do this." I told him, shutting my eyes and I lowered my head. "It's just too painful."

"I know. I'm sorry." He said lifting my chin with the side of his finger. "But I love you too much to turn back now." He replied, kissing me deeply once more before disappearing.

An ache filled me as I stood there alone. Windsor whined as I stared at the ground. I didn't know the next time I would see him again. He left too soon.

"I love you, Castiel." I told the sky before beckoning my dog and going inside.


	19. Accidents Happen

**Disclaimer: Y'all know it.**

**A/N: Just a brief disruption. The timeline jumps around in these next couple chapters. I tired to label them to make it easier. A last minute decision so I hope you find it helpful. Now I'll end my disruption.**

* * *

><p><span><em><strong>Chapter Nineteen: Accidents Happen<strong>_

LATER

This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't part of the plan. The plan had been simple. Woo him. Get the information I needed and get out. So, yes, the plan had been simple. It seemed that all the simple plans turned out wrong. Things happen that are just out of our control. I couldn't change it…but I could fix it.

"Please, just hold on." I told him.

"Evy…" He said struggling for air.

"Jesse, just hold on. I'm going to fix this." I said as I continued to put pressure on his wound.

"I don't understand." He said as he fought to stay alive.

I'd called an ambulance and now I was waiting for it. I knew something felt wrong about it. I pushed it aside as a second thought about what I was doing. But he said he knew what he was doing. Then the man we were waiting for arrived…with a shotgun in hand. We were snooping and they had figured it out. Demons were rallying for the top spot. I was slowly starting to figure out who was bringing them together. But I was far from close. Jesse Jones was in the supernatural fold. He had contacts and a list of names and places. It was my fault he was on the ground now. I was to blame.

Watching the blood pour from his wounds, it brought back memories that were better left forgotten. His blood was starting to drench my clothes. But he was holding on. When the ambulance finally arrived I rode with him, staying with him as long as I could before he was taken to surgery. It was then that I called Dean. I had left them weeks ago, following a hunch that they refused to support. I was right and I had been. Only I had made a mistake somewhere. Somehow I had slipped up.

* * *

><p><span>NOW<span>

"Why won't you just trust me on this?" I asked following Dean back and forth as he packed.

"Because I don't think there's enough to go on." He told me as he grabbed his shirt.

"Sam!" I said turning to my brother.

"I'm sorry, Evy. I'm with Dean on this one. There just isn't enough."

"I _know_ this guy knows something. I know he can help. He's like Bela…only better." I said turning back to Dean.

"You haven't even talked to the guy." Dean stated. "And you're not even sure he's the right guy."

"I'm almost one hundred percent." I told him quickly.

"Evy, we have a banshee to take care of in Mississippi and you want us to go to Washington to follow a hunch?" He frowned at me.

I paused and tried to rack my brain for something to counter with. All I managed to come up with was, "Yes." The bothers looked at each other before they continued to pack. "Fine." I said crossing my arms. "But if you're going to Mississippi, I'm breaking off and going to Washington."

"Don't be stupid." Dean told me starting to get annoyed.

"Thanks for that." I said and continued to pack my things. "But it's what's going to happen. You two come with me or I go alone."

"You're just being stubborn." Sam told me.

"Shut up, Sam." I glared at him. "I'm right." I turned to Dean. "I'm right."

"I can't do it." He told me though his voice held a sad tone.

"He can help us and you're just going to look the other way." I told him angrily.

"People need our help. We can't be chasing hunches when there are people dying." He replied.

"I get that and I understand. I'll just hotwire a car and follow this one on my own. You two go and save people from the banshee." I told him.

"Stop it." He said and moved toward the door.

"Cass would listen to me!" I practically yelled to get his attention. Dean stopped and turned to me. "He would believe me."

There was a long pause before he replied, "Then call him."

"I thought you were going to fight for me not punish me." I shot at him.

"Would it make a difference?" He asked sounding hurt before he walked out the door.

I scoffed and shook my head. I couldn't believe he said that. Not that I blamed him. I deserved it. I deserved everything he gave me. No matter if it hurt or helped. I didn't hide the last time I had seen Cass. He knew that I didn't show Cass the door or that I was going to crawl back to him just yet. My feelings were clear. I was still more in love with Cass then I was with Dean. It hurt admitting to it but I couldn't deny it anymore either. Sam stepped next to me but didn't say anything.

"I'll leave when I hear the Impala go." I told him.

"So, that's it?" He asked gently.

"For now." I said and looked at him.

"You know Cass won't be happy if you go off on your own." He stated.

"I know." I nodded. "But I need to follow this. I'm sorry."

"Keep in touch." Sam smiled and kissed my hair before heading to the door. He paused in the doorway and turned back to me. "Dean still loves you more than anything. Just so you know."

"I know." I told him. "That's why it hurts so much."

"I love you too." He said softly.

"I love you, Sammy." I smiled at him.

He left the room and soon I heard the Impala roar to life and then it faded off into the distance. Sighing, I gathered my things and went to a car I had seen sitting in the same spot for several days now. It took only a few minutes to get the engine going and I was out of town within minutes. Driving the opposite direction of the boys.

* * *

><p><span>NOW<span>

Sitting on the hood of my car, Windsor next to me, I watched Jesse Jones walk from the bar to his car. It was two in the afternoon. Not really the peek drinking hour. He was up to something. I knew he was, having trailed him for several days now. He paused and looked in my direction but I was far enough in the distance to feel safe.

"What are you up to?" I asked out loud. Windsor whined and looked at me. "Come on, let's go."

I followed him most of the day, trying to figure out who he might be meeting with. Turned out that all he did was read, drink coffee, and eat. I was so bored it was ridiculous. I needed a new plan. I had to get close to him. Only I didn't know how he would take me being a hunter. He would either support it or run in the opposite direction. Then a light bulb went off, dimly, in the back of my head.

"Windsor?" I said looking at my dog. "You need to help me with something."

When I saw Jesse leaving the coffee shop I let Windsor out and told him to run. I had been practicing different things with him and he'd become quite the partner out in the field. At times like this he was very handy. Letting him get a decent gap between us I started to run after him. I called his name a couple times, dodging a car as he ran into the parking lot. I noticed Jesse look up and then he was running to intercept my dog. Catching him by his collar he successfully stopped him. Slowing when I reached them I caught my breath as I smiled at him.

"Thanks." I told him appreciatively. "I don't know what he saw but he just took off."

"He's a handsome dog." Jesse smiled at him, bending down to stroke his head.

"Thanks, he really is." I smiled. "I'm glad you caught him. I'd kill myself if he got hit by a car."

"We got him now." Jesse smiled as he stood.

"Yes we do."

As my eyes wandered, I couldn't help but be taken with him. He was an attractive man, more or less, and it would be nice to be in the company of a guy who didn't know me. Who didn't worry about me and disappear or attack me.

"I'm Jesse." He said holding out his hand.

"Evy." I replied and shook his hand.

"Wanna have a cup of coffee?" He asked.

"Didn't you just have one?" I countered with an innocent look on my face.

"I think I can handle another one." He said motioning toward the shop.

"Alright then." I grinned and followed him back to the shop.

We spent the remainder of the afternoon talking and getting to know each other out on the patio. Windsor lay at my feet like the perfect boy he was. When conversation started to die down and we finally moved to leave, I was even more certain that I was right. There was something about him that made me believe that wholeheartedly.

"This was nice." He smiled at me.

"It was." I told him returning it.

"You should give me your number so we can do it again some time."

"I'd love that. Give me your phone." I said holding out my hand.

"How about you give me yours?" He smirked doing the same.

I just laughed and put my phone in his palm. He reacted just the way I thought he would. I watched as he added himself to my phonebook and handed it back to me.

"Text me so I know it's you."

Typing the word 'Hi' I smiled as he laughed when he received it. We gave a brief goodbye before going our separate ways. Feeling like I had done a good day's work I returned to my room, ready to sleep. Windsor seemed to have the same idea. He was on the bed and asleep before I got out of the shower. Shoving him over, I crawled in next to him, shutting my eyes. But, as usual, my sleep was plagued with nightmares and I was up only a few hours later. Glaring at my dog that was snoring on the bed, I sat in front of my computer, searching for possible seal locations, trying to tract demonic movement. They were keeping their movement quiet and it was hard to say what was happening. But I had to try, for all of us.

* * *

><p><span>LATER<span>

Sitting at his bedside, I took Jesse's hand. He was in a coma. There had been complications during surgery. I felt so guilty about what happened. I was so focused on what I wanted that I hadn't considered him. I saw him as expendable. It didn't matter what happened to him as long as I got what I wanted. But I was wrong. I did care. I always cared. It would kill me one day. It almost did today, but instead of me, it was him lying in the hospital bed. Pressing his hand against my forehead I started to cry. He didn't deserve this and I brought it down on him.

"Ma'am?" A nurse said coming in. I turned my head and looked at her. "Have you had your injuries looked at?"

"I'm fine." I shot at her.

"You're covered in blood." She said pulling a chair next to me.

"I'm fine." I repeated.

"He's not going anywhere." She told me gently. "Let me get you checked out."

Looking at her, seeing the sincerity in her voice, I nodded. She put her arm around me, leading me to an exam room. She helped me out of my clothes so she could get a better look at my wounds. Most were superficial, maybe one or two could use some stitches. Most of the blood came from Jesse. Besides, I had dealt with far worse wounds on my own. I didn't need a doctor to take care of me. I'd become my own doctor a long time ago.

"You seem a bit shaken up." The nurse told me as she started to clean me.

"I witnessed my friend get shot with a shotgun. Tried to help him as his blood soaked into my clothes. I was attacked and fought my way out. Pretty sure I'm entitled to be a little shaken up." I replied with a cold tone.

"The police are going to wanna talk to you." She told me.

"I'm not talking to the cops." I replied quickly. "If you bring them here I will run."

"What are you running from?" She asked.

"I don't like cops. If it's necessary I have someone I can call. I'm not talking to the local authorities." I stated.

"Okay." She said nodding.

"Thank you." I told her softly.

* * *

><p><span>NOW<span>

He took my hand as we walked along the beach. It was a clear night; we could finally see the stars. It had been raining all week, making tonight a welcome change. Windsor happily ran along the shore, zigzagging in and out of the water. It had been almost two months since I'd arrived. After our initial meeting I had been with Jesse almost on a daily basis. Following him most of the time I wasn't, for the first month anyway. Only when I was suspicious since. I'd slowly made a list of people he saw on a regular basis. The ones where he left with something, the ones he brought things too. Pulling names from his phone when he was sleeping. He was cautious, but he had invited me to stay the night almost a month ago and we had been together almost every minute since. The funny part was that I didn't feel guilty about this part. Of faking emotions for him. Not even when I slept with him. I was here for one reason. I had a purpose and I was going to get what I came for. One way or another.

"It's so nice out." I smiled at him. He nodded at me with a small smile. "What is it?" I asked him.

"I'm going to be out for a while tonight." He told me.

"Really? You and Dave?" I asked.

"Nah, I have a couple things to take care of." He replied.

"Okay." I told him. "Me and Windsor will have a quiet night with movies."

He smiled and put his arm around me. "Thanks." He said and kissed my hair.

We walked in silence for a while before turning round. Once we were back at his house he gave me a gentle kiss before leaving. As soon as the door closed behind him, my smile disappeared and I looked at the clock. I'd give him ten minutes before I left. On nights like this I'd return to my hotel for a few hours, knowing he wouldn't be back till nearly dawn. I'd call the brothers and tell them what I had found or what I was doing. They knew everything. My plan, what I was up to, what I did with him. I had no secrets. Though, I doubt they approved, I still felt like I was doing what was best. Doing something that would bring answers. I was determined to prove that I was right.

"All right, Cass, let's try again." I said as my fingers moved over the keys as I looked into my most recent list of people. "One of them has to lead me to someone who'll be able to tell me something. About the seals, about the apocalypse, about…anything." Talking to Cass, even though he wasn't there, had become so much a habit, but I liked it better than just talking to myself.

"Why are you doing this?"

I jumped out of my seat and turned to see Cass frowning at me. "Cass!" I said staring at him. He simply gave me a subtle nod. "What is it?"

"Why are you doing this?" He repeated as he frowned harder.

"I'm finding some answers." I told him.

"By sleeping with another man?" He asked.

"Cass, I'm only doing what I have to. It doesn't mean anything." I replied.

"I believe you." He said and averted his eyes.

"But you're mad at me." I stated.

"Not mad." He said looking at me again. "Hurt."

"Cass, you're not around. Dean and Sam didn't believe me. I'm doing what I need to. I'm doing what I think is best. It's not like you come when I call. It's not like you couldn't have stopped me before any of this happened. One word from you would have put an end to this. But you didn't say anything. You didn't visit a dream, or show yourself. What was I supposed to do?"

He moved forward quickly and put his hand on my face. "You were supposed to wait for me."

"For you to do what?" I asked him. "Nothing was happening. The world is coming to an end and you weren't here." I told him. "I can't wait forever and I'm not going to sit around and do nothing. I'm not wired that way."

He just looked at me before lowering his head as he shut his eyes. I heard his heavy sigh before he looked back up at me. He nodded at me before he kissed me deeply. I wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning into him. He moved his fingers through my hair before pulling me even tighter against him.

"I'm in love with you." He whispered when he finally pulled away from me.

"I'm in love with you too." I told him.

"I am not good at sharing." He said gently running his fingers down my hair.

"I'm not either." I said kissing him again. "But I have to figure this out. He might know something important."

"He might. I've heard his name before." He replied.

"See?" I smirked at him.

"You need to be careful." He told me seriously. "If anything happens to you…" He started but couldn't finish.

"I know." I said putting my hand on his face. "The same goes for you."

I trailed my thumb across his lower lip before moving in for a kiss, my tongue entering his mouth first before he pulled me into a hard, long, kiss. He took my head in his hands as our mouths moved against one another. Soon he turned and tossed me onto the bed, stripping as he moved toward it. I threw my clothes off and smiled as he crawled onto the bed, hovering over me playfully before I pulled him down. The sex was passionate, playful, and completely to die for. Lying in each other's arms, I felt the first real calm of happiness wash over me.

"Thank you." I whispered to him.

"For what?" He asked.

"For being here." I said and looked at him.

He gently caressed my face before kissing me passionately. "I'm always with you."

"I know." I said laying my head on his chest.

"I heard you." He said softly.

"Hmm?" I replied.

"Every time you speak to me. Every time you say my name. I hear you…and I listen." He replied.

"So when I think I'm just talking to myself, pretending I'm talking to you, you really can hear me?" I said looking up at him.

"Every time." He said kissing my forehead.

"Good to know." I smiled and lifted my head for a kiss.

He kissed me deeply and repeatedly before cradling me against his side. I wrapped arm around him, finally feeling tired. It was late and I should've been heading back but I was with Cass. His warm body against mine felt amazing. I felt like we were the same person. Smiling, I fell into a blissful sleep, happy to be exactly where I was.

* * *

><p><span>LATER<span>

"He lost a lot of blood." The doctor told me.

"But he's going to be okay, right?" I asked him.

"Let him talk." Dean said putting an arm around me.

Glaring at him, I turned back to the doctor. "I'm sorry." I told him.

Dr. Goldman sighed and lowered his head momentarily before looking up at me. "We lost him for several minutes while he was on the table." He said as gently as possible. My stomach lurched as my hand moved to my mouth. Dean gripped me tighter against his side. "We got him back." Goldman reassured me. "There was a lot of internal damage, but he's alive."

It looked like there was something he wasn't telling me. "What aren't you saying?"

"In recovery…he slipped into a coma. But he is stable." He told me, his tone hopeful that it would ease the news.

I just looked at him. Dean recognized that it was time for the doc to leave. "Thank you." He said shaking the doctor's hand before leading me to a chair and sitting me down. "Are you okay?" He asked as he gently rubbed my back.

"No." I said shaking my head, resting my elbows on my knees.

"He'll be okay." Dean told me softly.

"You don't know that." I frowned at him. "Why is it that everyone we come in contact with gets hurt? We only ever bring pain." I said and wiped the tears that were starting to fall. "Jesse is a good guy. He doesn't deserve this."

"Are you in love with him?" Dean asked.

"No, Dean, I am not." I told him angrily.

"I got a hold of Rick." Sam said walking up to us. "He's on his way."

"Thank you, Sam." I said before leaning back in the chair.

"Did you even get what you were looking for?" Dean asked me, an edge to his voice.

He was acting cold. He was blaming me again. I deserved it. But I needed support right now, not a list of questions.

"Does that even matter right now?" I frowned at him. They both just looked at me. "Yes." I finally told them. "I did find what I was looking for. I have a list of names and places that might help us. It's all at my hotel."

"Let's go." Dean said standing.

I scoffed and shook my head as I did the same. "That's it?"

"What do you mean?" He frowned.

"You come because I call, see what's going on, and just leave?" I told him, shaking with emotion.

"Did you want me to stick around?" He asked.

"Wow." I said scoffing again. "You've finally decided to hate me then, haven't you?"

"I don't hate you." He told me, his tone softening. "But we need as much info as we can get and we can call it in to Bobby. Then I'll be back." He said kissing my forehead before walking away.

Turning, I stood in the doorway of Jesse's room, listening to the monitors and seeing him lying with tubes in his throat, arms, and neck. Wiping the tears away again, I stepped inside, taking a seat next to him.

* * *

><p><span>NOW<span>

He knew. He had to know. I was frantically trying to gather my things. Windsor whined and paced as I attempted to get out. Tossing papers into a box, the door flew open. Jesse stood in the doorway. Breathing heavily, I just looked at him. His had his gun in his hand. I straightened, knowing that if it came down to it, he'd shoot me before I'd get the gun out of the back of my pants.

"You're a hunter. I should've known." He said walking in, closing the door behind him. "Did you find what you wanted?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied.

"My entire list of contacts? The merchandise, the locations, their suppliers…everything?" He asked as he slowly walked toward me.

"Yes." I replied.

"Was any of it real?" He asked with a sad expression.

"I didn't mean for it to go so far," was all I could think to tell him. "Please, Jesse. I never meant to hurt you."

"You know…" He said looking at his gun. "If I hadn't fallen for you there would already be a bullet in your head."

"I know." I said sadly as I turned to face him. "I'm sorry I led you on. But our problems are so much bigger then you realize."

"_Our _problems?" He shot at me.

"Yes, _our_ problems. Supernatural problems. Problems that are so much bigger then you and me. So much bigger than anything else right now. The world is coming to an end and you can help fight against it." I told him quickly.

"I know about the apocalypse." He said flatly. "And now that I know who you really are…I realized that I have you to blame. You and the stupid Winchesters."

"I came to find answers." I stated.

"You knew who I was. Why not just come clean?" He asked coldly.

"Would you have helped me if you knew?" I asked. He just looked at me. "I didn't think so. I needed to find a way to help the world, and if I had to get close to you to do it, that was a risk I was willing to take."

"Even though it was a lie?"

"It wasn't all a lie."

"What part wasn't a lie?" He yelled at me.

"Everything I told you about myself was the truth. I went to school for art. I lost both my parents. I've lost two fiancés. I just lied about my job. I was honest about everything that didn't pertain to the supernatural." I answered him. "But it's not like you were any more honest with me!" I yelled back at him. "Once it got serious, why didn't you tell me that you dealt with black market shit? That you worked for demons? Or how about the fact that you are known for acquiring almost anything pertaining to the supernatural?" I lost my breath and had to pause to catch it. "We both lied, Jesse. Only I did it to help the greater good. You did it to help yourself." I told him frowning disappointingly.

"Is that what you think?" He asked.

"I've followed you on enough exchanges to tell. So, yes." I replied and continued to pack.

"Come with me." He told him, his tone changing.

"What?" I frowned. "Why?"

"Because I want to show you something." He said and held out his hand.

Reluctantly, I took it, and he led me from the room. Sitting in his car, I crossed my arms and stubbornly waited for us to get to wherever we were going. It was quiet except for Windsor's panting.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked.

"You'll see." He replied. "We're almost there."

"Fine."

He pulled into a lot full of storage units. We drove to the back where the bigger ones were. Parking, we got out and I watched him go through several codes and security measures before finally opening the door. He tinkered with a few other things before he finally switched on the lights and turned back to me. I stepped inside in awe of the place. There were boxes everywhere. Their contents were more than likely amazing. Remembering the rabbit's foot, I was slightly curious to know what was inside of them. There was a wall of weapons as well as a wall of books and notebooks. He had everything in here. Everything that we might need to fight our war. There were things I didn't even recognize.

"Jesse…" I said as I wandered around.

"I know." He smiled. "I'm not doing what I'm doing to gain something in life. I come from money. I have money. Especially with all of this stuff in here. But I do what I do to find what I need to help fight this war."

"Ever hear of Bela Talbot?" I asked him.

"Yes." He said with a cold tone.

"You've had fun with her too?" I smirked at him.

"I hate that bitch." He replied.

"Don't worry, she's dead." I informed him.

"How do you know?" He asked.

"Because she made a deal with a crossroads demon and her ten years are up and spent." I told him. "But she had something of ours and I need to get it back. She gave it to a demon but I need it. I need to get it back."

"What is it?" He frowned at me.

"A gun. The colt." I told him.

"_The_ colt?" He asked me.

"Yes." I replied seriously.

"That thing is worth a lot of money."

"I know."

"How did she get her hands on it?"

"She broke into our safe and stole it." I told it. "I don't know how to get it back. Or even find out who has it."

He gave me a small smile before replying, "I have an idea."


	20. Accidents Can Be Fixed

_**Chapter Twenty: Accidents Can Be Fixed**_

NOW

The room was quiet. My voice was hoarse from calling him. But he wouldn't come. Why wouldn't he come? I didn't understand that when I really needed him - this one time - he wouldn't come for me. Jealousy was a horrible emotion. But I couldn't imagine that that would be what it was.

"He's not coming." Dean's voice said from behind me.

"I know." I told him, my voice cracking, turning to face him. "He's dying." I said, feeling the tears coming on. Dean simply nodded. "It's my fault. What am I going to do?"

The tears were hot as they fell, my cheeks feeling like they were on fire from the energy of trying to keep them in. Dean seemed to buckle at my weakness, embracing me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him, letting the tears fall. Soon other steps were heard and I pulled away from Dean, though he kept an arm tight around my waist.

"Hey." Rick smiled sadly.

Not being able to speak yet, I rushed forward, throwing my arms around his neck. He held me tightly against him.

"I'm so sorry." He said sadly.

"What's going on?" I asked releasing him.

"It's under investigation. You're not going to be placed under arrest or anything. If anything you saved him. I've talked them out of pressing any charges so far. He doesn't have anyone coming for him so it'll probably be pretty cut and dry. The only thing that'll screw you is if he wakes up and starts pointing fingers." He told me.

"Okay." I said nodding.

"It was demons, right?" He asked. I nodded at him. "What are we doing about them?"

"Nothing." I said quickly.

"What?" He frowned. "Isn't it your job to do something about it?"

"Not if it leads to this. I'm not going to bring the people I care about to slaughter. You weren't there. These are serious demons. It's going to take more than us to take them down and even then I'm not sure we can do it." I replied.

"We can and we will." Dean piped up from behind me. Holding my hand out to him, he took it, stepping to my side.

"Are things better?" Rick asked.

"Yeah." Dean replied before I could.

Smiling at him I rested my chin on his shoulder briefly before looking at Rick again. "Thank you, so much, for coming and for helping. I really, really do appreciate it."

"Anytime." He smiled. "That's what friends are for, right?"

* * *

><p><span>THEN<span>

"This is a bad idea." I told Jesse as we waited.

"What?" He scoffed. "You want the gun back, so this is how we're going to do it."

"I still think it's a bad idea. Something doesn't feel right." I replied.

"What could possibly go wrong? This is just a meeting. We're not going to be doing any dealing tonight." He reassured me.

"But it's taken us days to get this far and people talk. If they find out what we're after we could both be in a lot of trouble. The kind that gets us killed." I told him seriously.

"I didn't even mention your name." He replied.

"You probably should have. It holds some weight in the demonic fold." I replied crossing my arms.

"Stop worrying." He told me.

"I can't help it. I'm a girl." I glared at him.

"Jesse Jones?" A voice said in the shadows.

"Earl Spiels?" He replied taking a step forward.

In the next second there was a spark and a bang as the sound of a shotgun filled the air. Jesse flew back, hitting the ground hard. I was frozen in shock momentarily before I snapped out of it. Pulling the gun from the back of my pants, I let shots fire. Several more shots were fired from both sides. I heard a man yell out before hearing the sound of their retreat. I continued to fire shots in the direction of the running footsteps. When they were gone, I rushed to Jesse's side. He was already coughing up blood.

"Just hang on, okay?" I said putting pressure on his wounds. The gun had been fired at enough distance to keep him from dying right away, I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing at this point. "You're gonna be okay."

"Evy…" He said struggling for breath.

"Please, just hold on." I told him.

"Evy…" He repeated. "I don't understand…"

"I told you it was a bad idea." I told him as I pulled out my phone.

The ambulance could be heard in the distance. I wished it would hurry. My hands felt slippery as the blood spilled out. He was still conscious, but he was slipping. As the paramedics finally got out I rushed through what happened as they quickly loaded him onto a stretcher. They allowed me into the back as I kept my hands over his wounds. I felt like they were being incompetent.

"Do something!" I yelled at the one closest to me.

They took out bandages and put them over his wounds. They were almost instantly drenched with blood. Adding more and more, with the same results, I watched as Jesse started to slip away.

"Please!" I yelled at them.

They finally shoved me in the corner of the back as they continued to work on him. They knew what they were doing but everything seemed to be crashing around me. Feeling useless as soon we were at the hospital and Jesse was taken from my sight.

* * *

><p><span>NOW<span>

His hand was colder than yesterday. Even with all the drugs and help they were giving him, Jesse was slipping away. He didn't deserve this. I had been caught and he wanted to help. It was my fault that he was here. It should have been me. It should have been me who made the call and who had been the name he had wanted. Jesse was far from innocent, but he was also far from guilty.

"Please don't do this." I whispered to him. "You have to wake up so I can tell you how sorry I am."

"Mrs. Winchester?"

Turning I saw Dr. Goldman with a sad expression on his face. "Hi." I said standing. "Did you get the latest test results back?"

"Yes." He said slowly stepping up to me. "They're the same as earlier which is slightly worse than yesterday. His body is failing him." He told me gently.

Tears spilled down my cheeks, dripping to the floor as I lowered my head, nodding at him. "So…there's nothing you can do? Nothing I can do?"

"I'm afraid not." He replied, resting a hand on my arm. "It's just a matter of time now."

"Where's my husband?" I asked him.

"He's on his way up." He told me.

"Thank you." I said and turned back to Jesse. Hearing the doctor leave, I picked up on the footsteps I'll never be able to forget. "He's paler."

"I tried calling for him. He's just not coming." Dean told me.

"He's punishing me." I frowned as more tears fell. "He's punishing me for doing what I'm doing. I've become this…this _person_…that even I don't recognize. I did what I had to do. Do you hate me more for it? For doing what I did?" I asked turning to him. My whole body hurt with the weight of my failure. He just looked at me sadly. "I'm losing myself in all of this. I was right to come but as always something went wrong. Why can't one thing just go right? I thought I had found my road, and then I lost it. I thought I found another road and then I lost it again. I'm a lost person. All I want is to be found."

"I'm trying to find you." Dean said quickly embracing me. "I'm trying, but you keep moving farther and farther away from me."

"I'm so sorry for everything." I cried hugging him tightly. "I'm so sorry I'm not what you wanted me to be. That I'm not the woman I used to be. Things have gotten so…screwed up…I love you so much…things…things just seem to be getting in the way."

"I hate seeing you hurt." He whispered in my ear.

"I hate hurting." I replied. "But it seems that that's all we do. Moments of happiness are just a Band-Aid for our lives. Why can't we just be happy?"

He didn't say anything. He simply hugged me tighter. I could hardly breathe and yet it didn't seem tight enough. I didn't want him to let go. He was here. Things weren't as they should be but he was still here. Even if he was yelling at me he was still here with me. I didn't want to be mad at Cass. I understood what he was doing. But I needed him. I couldn't help the woman in me wanting a man for protection and comfort. I needed it. Letting me go, Dean took my face in his hands, kissing me gently. Not stopping him, I looked in his eyes. They still told me everything I already knew. He kissed me harder, pressing my body against him. My arms were pinned against his chest as he continued to kiss me. But I kissed him back, my lips fitting against his like they had never been apart from them.

"I love you." He whispered to me. "I've been trying to give you space to figure things out. But I love you. I don't like not knowing where we stand or where you are. You can try and cut me out, and there are moments where I might let you, but it'll never be forever, I'm going to be here for you forever."

"Thank you." I whispered back, running my fingers down his face. Settling my hand on his face, I gently moved my thumb across his lips. "I love you. I love you still. I will love you forever. Even if there are bumps and bruises along the way."

"I'm sorry about what happened." He told me, a cloudiness entering his eyes. "I haven't been able to look at myself in the mirror since."

Nodding at him I gently trailed my fingers through his hair, starting at the temple. He shut his eyes, a tear slipping from the corner. "I'm sorry I pulled away."

"I pushed you away. I caused it. You were right…everything you said after it happened was right. I thought you were cheating on me. You weren't, I get that now, and I pushed you right into his arms."

"You really did."

"And I know you love him."

"I really do."

"But I'm still your husband and you're still my wife. I don't plan on changing that title any time soon." He said seriously.

"The doctor called me Mrs. Winchester. Hadn't really heard anyone else say that. It still has a nice ring to it." I told him with a small smile.

He gave me the same, running his fingers through my hair. "It's always sounded good to me."

I smiled and rested my head against his chest. "Thank you, Dean. I'm really very happy that you are here."

"I'm always here." He said and kissed the top of my head.

It was a short lived moment of happiness. We had finally talked. Finally talked about what happened. About feelings. It wasn't a lot. But it was a start. Confusion started to seep into me and my eyes fell on Jesse. I needed to help him.

"We need to help him." I told Dean.

"Okay." He said and took my hand. He led me from the hospital to the back of the parking lot. He took my face in my hands and for a moment just looked at me. "You need to make him listen. You need to get him here. He's not going to listen to anyone else. Even if he is punishing you. He'll come for you."

"How do you know?" I asked him.

"Because I know that I would." He said sweetly.

Smiling at him, I nodded. Taking a deep breath I stepped away from him. Turning to the sky I tried to think of what to say. "I know you can hear me." I started. "I know you can and I know that I hurt you. But this is bigger than me. This is bigger than us. He's dying and you are the only thing that can save him now. I need you to. I need you to do this for me." There was still nothing. "Cass, I'm begging you. Begging you to just do this one thing for me. We got what we wanted. One step closer to helping save the world. But you need to help this man." The sky stayed silent. "Please, Cass. Please, I am begging you." Nothing…

"You tried." Dean said softly.

"You're a son of a bitch, Castiel." I told the sky as I stepped back to Dean.

"Come on." Dean said putting his arm around me.

We went back inside, getting a cup of coffee before going back to Jesse's room. I took my usual seat next to him. Dean pulled a chair up on his other side. I sipped my coffee, looking at Dean. He did the same, flipping through Dad's journal. I small smile flitted across my lips. He was still a beautiful man. He was still everything I ever loved.

Leaning forward, I took Jesse's hand in mine and pressed it against my lips. I thought of our time together. It was a good two months. It felt like I had a normal life. At least the parts where I wasn't spying on him. He was a good man. He had been kind and caring. Had given me just about whatever I wanted or had a good excuse for not giving it to me. He was never hard. He was always calm and comfortable. It was a nice change from the tension that my real life was like. Sighing, I was just putting his hand down when the monitors starting going off. I flew out of my seat, watching as his chest stopped rising and his heart rate was chaotic on the screen. I turned to get help when the door slammed shut, the blinds fell, and the monitor went silent.

"What's going on?" I said and looked at Dean. He was on his feet, looking across the bed. Turning further I saw Cass standing at Jesse's bedside. "Cass…" I said staring at him.

"I am here to do what you asked of me." He said looking at me.

"Where have you been?" I asked him.

He just looked at me a moment before bending down, touching Jesse's forehead with his first two fingers. The monitors started up again, all the vitals were normal. A second later, Jesse started fighting the ET tube.

Looking at Cass I said, "Thank you." He gave me a nod before disappearing. Rushing to the door, I opened it. "We need help!"

Nurses rushed in before Dr. Goldman arrived. They pulled the tube from his throat and gave him a good once over. They spent more time with him then I thought necessary. He was fine. Cass had healed him. But the anomaly of his case was bound to draw suspicion. Cass knew that too. He was trying to get me into trouble.

"He's fine. I'm not sure how he did it, I'd like to run a few more tests, but he seems like he's going to make a full recovery." Dr. Goldman told me.

"Thank you." I said hugging him tightly. "Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me. I don't think I did much." He smiled and left the room.

"Jesse…" I said sitting next to him, smiling.

"What the fuck…?" He said and took my hand.

"You're fine." I told him. "You are completely one hundred percent fine."

"How?" He asked putting his hand on his chest.

"An angel." I smiled. "He saved you."

"Jesus…" He said as he finally smiled.

"I know, right?" I grinned. "You really had me worried there for a while."

"I swore I was heading toward the light." He smiled.

"You were." I nodded, my smile falling a bit. I squeezed his hand. "You were."

"Hi." Dean piped up from his other side, a smile on his face.

"Hi." Jesse frowned at him.

"Not to shock you further but, uh…this is my husband…Dean." I told him.

"Husband?" Jesse frowned at me.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." I told him with a sappy smile.

"I knew you lied but jeez." He frowned at me.

"Well, we've kinda been separated. But it's better now. Thank you for that." I smiled at him, making light of it.

"You're welcome." He said still eyeing me. "You freak." He added and smiled.

I laughed and nodded at him, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek.

* * *

><p><span>NOW<span>

We were sitting on the hood of his car. After his miraculous return to the living, it took only a day before they discharged him. There was nothing left they could do. He was perfectly fine, leaving them no choice but to cut him loose.

"I guess this means you're leaving." Jesse stated.

"Yes, I am." I told him. "I used and abused you." I said and giggled. "It's about time I left you alone."

He laughed before his smile fell, a serious look replacing it. "I really liked our time together." He told me. "If only you weren't married."

Smiling, I put my hand on his face. "You are a fantastic guy, Jess. You'll find someone, someone better than me."

"Doubtful." He smirked at me.

I just shook my head at him, "I'm not that great."

"Liar."

"If I was, then I'd be happier than I am now, and much less confused about…everything." I stated.

"It may be confusing, but you have so much going for you. Just let it all in. Don't fight it." He said pulling me into a hug. "And keep in touch with me. I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too." I replied hugging him tightly as tears started to fill my eyes. "And before this is over I may need your help again."

"As long as I don't get shot." He smiled.

He pulled away, gently rubbing my cheek with his thumb. Smiling, I leaned up and kissed his lips gently. He just winked and took my hand as he walked me back to the Impala and the brothers. Letting his hand go, I stepped next to Dean.

Jesse sighed and held his hand out toward him. "Take good care of her. Despite her shortcomings, she's a keeper."

"I know, and I will." Dean said shaking his hand. "Thanks for keeping her safe."

"Anytime." Jesse grinned.

"I don't think so." Dean grinned back.

"Come on." I smiled running my hand down Dean's arm. Smiling at Jesse for the last time I got into the Impala. A few minutes later we were on the road. Old times back in swing.

* * *

><p><span>NOW<span>

Standing outside of the room, I stared up at the moon. It had been nearly a week and Cass had yet to show himself. I tried every night for an hour or so. I even took to praying. But he never came. Dean and I had reconciled in almost every way. We talked, in depth, about everything that had passed since the demonic disease. He understood how I felt and the reasons I did what I did. He also understood that he wasn't the only man in my life and that things weren't the way they were before. He wanted to try and make them that way. To be the way we were before. To have the passion and love the way we were in the beginning. I gave him no promises. There was no guarantee that it would happen. But if Cass kept ignoring me then it was bound to happen eventually. Dean and I hadn't been physical. So far I'd been loyal to Cass, despite everything that happened with Jesse. My feelings felt like a bouncy ball being bounced from one person to the next. Only, I spose that was my fault. But it was hard. I should've listened to Jo when she told me that it would never work. That hunters could never be happy with anyone. But I was happy. I was happy with two men. That was my problem. It wasn't fair for anyone and it was my own doing. If I was a stronger person I'd just end it with both of them and we'd all be happier. Start a lifestyle like Dean had before I met him. Fooling around with anyone. Dropping my head in my hand I knew I couldn't do it. It just wasn't me. Windsor sighed and looked up at me.

"I know." I told him. "But I'm not giving up."

"I wish you would." Cass's voice filled the air.

Looking over I saw him standing in the shadows. He looked tired. A sad expression written across his face. "Why?" I asked him. He sighed, not moving toward me. Standing, I angrily moved to him. "You're going to do this? Right now, after everything we've said and done?" I shot at him.

"I never should have let it start to begin with." He told me.

"Bullshit!" I yelled at him. "Who do you think you are? I know how you feel and you know how I feel. Why are you going to just throw it away?"

"You and Dean are doing better. I have work to do. It's dangerous for both of us to try and continue this." He replied.

"Don't do this." I begged, taking his head in my hands.

"I love you." He said running his hand down my hair.

"I love you too." I told him. He smiled at me sadly. "Please, Cass, please don't do this." I cried as I put my arms around his neck.

"I can't make you happy." He stated.

"Yes you can! Please, let's talk about this." I told him, fearing he'd disappear before we could talk. "Please."

Nodding, he let me lead him to the Impala, taking a seat on its hood. I took his hand, grasping it with both of mine. I wasn't going to let him end it so easily.

"What changed your mind?" I asked him.

"Nothing." He replied, not looking at me.

"Cass, where is this coming from?"

"I've been watching you." He stated.

"I've been calling for you. How could you not have come?" I asked my voice cracking.

"You're better off if I turn away."

He still wouldn't look at me. "Is that what you think?" I asked with raised brows. "You're so wrong, Cass. I need you."

"No, you don't." He said finally looking at me. "Dean is here. He can be with you all the time, giving you what you need. I can't."

"That doesn't matter." I told him, shaking my head.

"Yes it does." He replied. "I need you to be with him. I'm giving in. I can't be the man you need, for I am not a man."

"Yes you are!" I said gripping him. "Please, Cass, I need you." I told him, putting my hand on his face. "I love you."

"I love you." He said and kissed me deeply.

It was a hot kiss. A kiss telling me 'I love you' and 'goodbye' all at the same time. It wasn't supposed to end like this. After everything we'd gone through. After everything we've shared. I thought I'd be with him at the end. We were supposed to be together.

"I love you." He said again and disappeared.

The tears were streaming but I let no cry come from my lips. I heard the door and soon Dean took a seat next to me.

"He ended it?" He asked as he took in my face.

"Told me I was better off without him." I told him sniffling.

"What are you gonna do?" He asked me.

"Cry." I replied and laughed.

He laughed and put an arm around me. "I know it'll take time. But I'm here." He said gently.

"I know." I said resting my head on his shoulder. "It'll pass."

Kissing my hair, he embraced me. We sat there for, what felt like, a long while. He led me back inside, holding me in bed as I tried to fall asleep. The tears hadn't stopped, but I still wouldn't allow sound to escape my lips. Even though it hurt so much.


	21. The Calm Before the Storm

_**Chapter Twenty-One: The Calm before the Storm**_

Time seemed to pass and things seemed to be looking up. But, as of late, every time things were looking up something brought them down. I couldn't handle another setback in my life. Something so painful that I couldn't come back from it.

The scenery seemed to blur as I stared out the windshield. I told Dean I needed to take a few days to think things through. To take a good long look at my life and to figure out what I was going to do.

Finding myself bouncing from town to town. Following small leads, taking care of small beings here and there. It was enough to take my mind off the big things so I wouldn't drive myself insane. I was looking for Ellen. We had had little contact with her since yellow-eyes. She would probably turn me away, but I was going to try. I needed someone who could give me perspective, since I had lost all mine.

"Come on, Paul. I know you've seen her. You two were pretty good friends." I smiled at the stout hunter. He just eyed me. "Come on, just tell me. You know me."

"And your reputation." He told me and raised his brow.

"And you still want to refuse me?" I asked as my smile widened.

His expression changed slightly and he heaved a heavy sigh. "Last I heard, her and Jo were in the eastern states."

"Her and Jo?" I frowned.

"They've been hunting together." He stated.

"Wow." I said genuinely shocked. "Which state were they last in?"

"South Carolina." He replied.

"Thank you, Paul." I smiled at him. "I appreciate it."

"Anything for the wife of a Winchester." He said and winked at me.

Laughing, I nodded at him. "And we remember the ones who help us."

"You better." He replied and turned back to his beer.

Grinning, I left the pub and returned to my car. "Alright, Windsor, we've got ourselves a bit of a drive."

Hooking my iPod into the stereo system, I turned it up, preparing for the many hours I had ahead of me.

* * *

><p>Taking a deep breath, I smiled at the ocean. It was nice to be back on this part of the country. The sun was setting; making the ocean's colors that much more beautiful. It made me think of Trevor. Maybe two stops would need to be made. Windsor splashed in the water. Chasing nothing but having so much fun doing it. Leaving the dog to play, I pulled my phone out and dialed Ellen. It rang only twice before she answered.<p>

"It's about time you got to calling me."

"Hi, Ellen." I smiled into the phone. "Sorry. But it goes both ways you know."

"We've been busy." She replied.

"You and Jo, huh? I never thought I'd see the day."

"It's better than her being off on her own." She replied.

"This is true." I told her and got to the chase. "So, I'm in South Carolina. Where are you?"

A couple hours later I was walking onto a beach, two figures sitting in the sand near the water. Smiling, I called out to them. Ellen stood, looking like we hadn't seen each other in years.

"How've you been, kid?" She asked.

"Could be better, could be worse." I smiled.

She nodded, "It can never be a simple visit, can it?"

"Afraid not." I said and laughed. "But it's not nearly as dire a situation."

"Come on, let's walk." She told me.

Together we walked along the beach; I filled her in on everything that had happened. She interrupted the part about Dean being alive, yelling at me for not calling. But so much had happened that it just hadn't been high on the list. I told her of Castiel, not leaving anything out. If I wanted her opinion then she would need to know it all. I wasn't afraid of divulging everything to her. She was like a mother to me.

"Wow."

"Tell me about it." I smiled.

"You finally marry the man of your dreams, only you'd already fallen in love with an angel. Not just any angel but the one who pulled Dean from Hell. You fight your feelings for Cass by staying with Dean. You end up with Cass only he dumps you in hopes that you return to your husband. Is that about right?" She said summing it up.

"Pretty much, yeah." I replied nodding.

"And what do you want from me?" She asked.

"I don't know…guidance." I told her. "Someone who can give me an unbiased point of view."

"Who said I'm unbiased?" She smiled. I just frowned at her. "I'm biased towards you."

Smiling, I put my arm around her. "Thanks for that. But I do want you to tell me what you think I should do."

"What do you want to do?" She asked.

"I don't know." I told her, pain in my voice. "I am so confused and torn between these two men. But Cass has the power to disappear and never come back. He's set on not being with me."

"And Dean?"

"He's still him. Perfect." I said and smiled.

"But?"

"But…things have changed. Everything got so messed up. I know I should be with Dean, but Cass is a wonderful man and he treats me differently, in a good way." I tried to explain.

She heaved a heavy sigh, "Tough boat you've got yourself into."

"You're telling me." I said with a small laugh. "It sucks."

"Be with Dean." She blurted out.

"What?" I asked.

"I know it's confusing. But angels are new to us and nothing good can come from trying to save yourself for a being like that. Dean has been there for you for years now. He loves you more than any one man should. There's always going to be bumps along the way. But he'll take care of you. All he wants is you." She told me. I could hear the sincerity in her words.

Nodding, I thought about what she said. I knew it was true. But all the feelings I still held for Cass were still there. I didn't want to make this decision. I wished Cass would make me forget about everything. He had the power. But I knew that he wouldn't.

"It's hard, isn't it?" Ellen said rubbing my back.

"Only a lot." I replied and smiled.

"Feelings suck." She smiled back.

Laughing, I nodded. "They really, really do."

We walked back to Jo, nothing decided, but I would think about what she said, already knowing that she was right. Despite all, Dean was still at my side. For better or for worse…

* * *

><p>It made me very nostalgic for what I almost had. It was underwater themed, a mural of fish and sea turtles filling one wall. It was amazing. I was happy for them. Made me hope that I would have a second chance at it.<p>

"Like it?" Trevor asked as he handed me a cup of coffee.

"It's wonderful." I smiled at him.

"She's due in just a couple weeks." He grinned.

"I'm so happy for you." I smiled and hugged him.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you but…why are you here?" He asked.

"I needed some advice from a friend who was here." I told him.

"What sort of advice?" He asked.

"If you have a little bit I'll explain. A man's point of view might be nice too." I replied.

For the second time in just a few days I was retelling my depressing story of pain, love, and heartache. He was quiet as he listened, not saying a word until I was through.

"Wow." He said.

"That's the general consensus." I smiled at him.

"Well, since I'm a guy I give kudos to Dean for standing by you. Sounds like Cass was being selfish, taking advantage of you even though you were asking for it. But you fell for him before Dean got back. Which I'm happy about by the way. Glad he's back, even though it was by Cass's doing." He told me.

"So no advice?" I asked.

"Cass is gone. Doesn't sound like he plans on coming back any time soon. Dean has been there, and he continues to be there. Don't be blind to what's staring you in the face." He told me.

"How wise of you." I smiled at him, rocking in one of the rocking chairs.

"I've gotta start practicing." He grinned back.

"You're right. I know you are. But I feel like a horrible person for jumping from one guy to the other and then back to the first. What if Cass comes back and I can't help myself?" I asked dropping my head in my hands.

"I guess you'll just have to figure that out for yourself if it happens." He told me sadly.

Nodding, I looked up at him. "It sucks."

"It really does." He told me with a small smile.

Just as I was about to change the subject my phone rang. Looking at it, Dean's picture was looking up at me. I stared at it momentarily before answering it.

"Hey, where are you?" He asked me after I said 'hello'.

"Still in Charleston." I told him.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "I haven't heard from you for days now."

I could hear the worry coating his words. It almost made me smile. "I'm fine. I found Ellen and Jo. Now I'm just visiting Trevor. I'll probably be heading to you by the end of the night. Where are you?"

"They're asking me to do something." He replied.

"Dean, what is it?" I frowned into the phone.

"A seal is about to be broken." He told me.

"What?" I said standing, my chest clenching. "We know where one is? How many is that?"

"They want to extinguish an entire town." He explained.

"Who?"

"Uriel and Cass." He told me.

"Cass wouldn't." I said quickly.

"I know you think the world of him, but he's here." He told me.

"It's Uriel. There's a hierarchy. He's being overruled." I said rubbing my forehead.

"Evy…" He said with doubt in his voice.

"What are you gonna do?" I asked him.

"We're not going to sacrifice an entire town of innocent people." He stated.

"Good." I said sitting down again. "Now fill me in and I'll come to you."

"No. If it doesn't go my way, I don't want you anywhere near here." He told me.

"Dean…please…" I said worriedly. I didn't like his tone of voice.

"Hey, we're finally getting back to a good place. Don't even think that I'm going to risk anything happening to you."

Now there was a smile in his voice. He was going to make light of it. I hated when he did that. Especially when big things were going down. Every bit of me wanted to reprimand him, but I held my tongue.

"I don't like it." I told him.

"I know. I just wanted to talk to you before we went into it." He replied.

"You're making it sound like goodbye." I told him.

"No. Not goodbye." He told me gently. "I better go though. I love you."

"I love you." I told him sweetly. "You better call me when it's over. We've still gotta make things right."

"You're still the best wife I'll ever have." He teased.

"I'm the only wife you'll ever have." I told him laughing lightly.

"Love you." He told me again.

"Love you too, Baby." I replied and hung up the phone.

"Everything okay?" Trevor asked.

"Not really." I said looking at him. "But it will be."

"Good." He smiled.

* * *

><p>After driving for several hours, I pulled onto a dirt road. Anger was bubbling as I thought of what Dean and Sam were going through. I should be there. Whether they wanted me there or not.<p>

"Cass!" I yelled for what felt like the fiftieth time. "Come on! I know you can hear me! Just when I think I'm starting to figure something out you or someone else always gets in the way."

"He's already told us 'no'." Cass's voice said from behind me.

I turned toward him with crossed arms. "I've been calling for nearly an hour."

"It wouldn't make any difference. They are going to try and save the seal." He replied.

"Does it even matter?" I asked, catching his look and tone of voice.

"You're with him again." He stated.

"You wanted me to be." I retorted.

"I know." He frowned.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" I asked him, raising a brow.

"Like you couldn't imagine." He replied.

"I think I can." I said taking a step away from him.

He lowered his head, a sad smile crossing his lips. "I'm following orders now. I'm not going to move to you."

"What makes you think I thought you were?" I asked.

Everything in me was fighting against what I wanted. I wanted him. I couldn't deny that. I still wanted to be with him. I still loved him more than I could say. But we both knew what we needed to do. Everyone was right to say that I should be with Dean. But I wanted Cass just as much. Seeing him solidified that feeling.

"Evy…" He said looking at me like he always did.

"You can't look at me like that anymore." I told him.

"I know." He said still looking at me.

Tears filled my eyes as I stared at him. "I don't want to be without you." I told him.

"You and Dean are doing much better." He replied.

"You're not going to give in, are you?" I asked.

"It's for the best. The best for you." He told me.

"Says who?"

"You know it's true."

"Then kiss me and find out." I told him. He took two steps forward before stopping. _Please, just come to me._ I thought as I watched him.

"I can't." He stated sadly. He looked up into the sky. "The seal has been broken." He told me. "I must go."

He disappeared, leaving me as alone as I've felt since the last time I saw him. Getting back into my car I stroked Windsor's head before starting to drive once again. I needed to get back to Dean and Sam. To try and salvage what I could from my life.


	22. Wishes Do Come True

_**Chapter Twenty-two: Wishes Do Come True**_

It was an awkward feeling, just sitting there without any guilt. I no longer felt anything toward Dean or Cass. There was nothing but happy thoughts running through my head. It was more of a relief than anything else I had ever felt in my life. Smiling, I patted Windsor's head before standing from the bench, looking around the small town of Concrete, Washington. Taking a deep breath of the morning air, I turned down the road, walking to nowhere, not feeling the need to be anywhere.

**Earlier**

Sitting on the bed with Dean, there was a heavy silence.

"I'm not sure what you're saying to me." He finally told me.

"I'm just saying that I think I need to take a break from men." I replied. "I'm not in a good place right now. We're getting there, you and I, but there is much to sort through. After what happened with you, then with Cass, then with Jesse…there are just so many feelings running through me that I can't handle it anymore. I need to just be me for a while. Without needing to be with a man."

"Evy, you're serious aren't you?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied.

"Sam keeps wanting to talk about Hell and now you want a break from me. This week just keeps getting better and better." He told me.

"I'm sorry. But my life has been so depressing lately. All I want is to try and have a little fun."

"I can show you fun." He smirked at me.

"Not ready for that yet." I smirked back.

"You sleep with Cass and Jesse but you won't sleep with your husband…" He said shaking his head.

"I know. Everything is screwed up." I smiled.

"I understand though." He said taking my hand in his. "I do."

"And what of Hell?" I asked. "Are you going to tell Sam?"

"Not yet." Dean said gently rubbing my hand.

"Okay." I said kissing his temple.

* * *

><p>Roaming the women's health club, I listened for any signs of the possible ghost that was haunting it. Dean had been all excited about it, making me annoyed while Sam simply rolled his eyes at him. Not really knowing what I was looking for, I resorted to trying to follow the pattern of the other incidences. It was after midnight, and the chances of anyone else showing up was slim to none. Stripping down in the large bathroom, I turned the hot water on, letting the room steam up before adding the cold. Finding small bottles of shampoo and conditioner, I grabbed a bar of soap before walking under the stream of water. It felt amazing. It was quiet. No one else was around to disturb me. I was in the shower for nearly an hour before finally stepping out. Wrapping a towel around myself I ran my fingers through my hair. Leaning against the counter, I shut my eyes. If anything was going to happen, it would happen now. All I had to do was listen. It took only a few minutes for me to hear the subtle footfalls in the room. Smiling, I dropped my towel and heard the small intake of breath. Hearing it, I spun and reached out for whatever it was. I made contact and slammed it against the wall. It yelled out and then became visible. It was a scrawny red headed boy, naked in front of me. I released him, glowering down at him, before grabbing the towel again.<p>

"So, you can turn it on and off, huh?" I asked him. He simply nodded. "I'm not going to hurt you." I told him. "Or tell your mom." I added, remembering what he had asked of his last victim.

"You're not?" He asked with a quivering voice.

"How did you get the power of invisibility?" I asked him.

"I wished for it." He replied.

"Excuse me?" I asked with raised brows.

"In the wishing well at Lucky Chin's." He told me starting to relax a little.

"Show me." I told him, tossing him a towel.

I dressed while I made sure his eyes were shut. He'd peeped his last, if I had anything to do about it. He led me to the restaurant, and we looked through the window. He pointed it out to me.

"You just tossed a coin in, wished on it, and it just came true?" I asked him, just to clarify.

"Yeah." He said looking at me. "Can I go now?"

I just glared at him. "Promise me that you won't go peeping on any more women."

"I promise." He told me.

"If I hear that you have I know where to find you." I threatened.

"Okay." He said nodding vigorously.

"Go." I told him and smiled as he ran away.

Standing there staring at the fountain, many thoughts were running through my head. The power that that thing could hold. With one wish I could end all the inner turmoil. All the pain from wanting too much. From everything that's been weighing down on me. Sitting there, thinking about it, I realized that I've turned into a rather pathetic person. I brought all these problems down on myself. I should suffer for them. I just didn't want to. I sat across the street until morning, watching people filter in and out of the restaurant. Most leaving happy. Feeling the need to go in, I stood and walked in the opposite direction, walking back to the motel where the boys were. Walking in, I saw Sam sitting at his computer, hearing Dean in the shower, singing Kansas. Smiling, I dropped onto the bed, looking over at Sam.

"Where've you been?" He asked.

"Looking around." I replied. "Discovered the villain behind the peeping tom."

"You did?" He said sounding surprised.

"Hey, I know how to do research." I frowned at him.

"I know." He told me with furrowed brows. "What did you find?"

"He's a kid. Made a wish in a wishing well and now can turn invisible. He can turn it on and off." I told him.

"Are you serious?" He asked.

"I sure am." I smiled at him.

"Wow." Sam said with a slightly shocked expression.

"You're back." Dean said walking out in a towel.

"Hey." I smiled at him.

He fell onto the bed on top of me. "Changed your mind about this whole break-from-men thing?" He asked and kissed me passionately.

"Dean." I smiled at him, though my hand gripped his hair, keeping his face close to mine.

He kissed me again before I could stop him. Only…behind my eyes, Cass's face appeared, causing me to pull away from him. He rolled off of me, allowing me to get off of the bed.

"Sorry." He said looking at me.

"Should I leave?" Sam asked, closing his laptop.

"No, it's fine." I told him. "I'm just going to go out again." I said inching toward the door.

"You just got back." Dean stated.

"I know. I just gotta go for a walk or something." I told him.

"Evy, come on…" He said taking a step toward me.

"Dean, I've already told you I need space." I said sadly.

"I know. I'm just being pushy." He replied.

"Yeah, I know." I said and smiled at him. "But I'm torn between the two of you. I need to sort that out."

"Okay." He said nodding.

"Thank you." I told him and slipped out the door again.

Taking deep breaths I walked briskly away from the room, feeling like a waste of human flesh.

"This is so stupid." I said talking to my dog. "I'm so stupid. I have a man who is crazy about me back there and I can't take my mind off of the man who doesn't want me anymore. I ruin everything I touch." I said and looked down at him. He snorted at me. "Okay, fine, _almost_ everything I touch. So, I'm going to end it." I said pulling a quarter out of my pocket. "I'm going to be free from both of them."

Walking into Lucky Chin's, I went to the fountain, holding the quarter tightly in my hand. Closing my eyes, I found the words I wanted; whispering them to what I hoped was the answer to my problems, "I wish to be free from the guilt of loving two men. To not feel any regret or pain for them. To only see them as the men they are. To be happy…and free." I said and tossed the coin into the fountain.

It wasn't like a bright light wiped everything clean, but I did feel a little lighter. Thinking of Dean and Cass, I smiled; I hardly felt anything for them. They meant something to me, that much was still clear, but I no longer felt the constant pull that I did before. They were simply my men. Walking from the restaurant, taking a deep breath of fresh air, I turned and walked down the street, a guilt free destination ahead of me.

* * *

><p>"Where have you been?" Dean asked when I stepped through the door.<p>

"I was just out and about." I smiled at him.

"What's wrong with you?" He frowned at me.

"Nothing." I said putting my hand on his face before going to the table, opening my laptop.

I looked up and noticed my dog and Dean staring at each other. Dean was frowning while Windsor gave a little whine before a muted woof. The damn dog was ratting me out.

"Where were you?" Dean asked me.

"I was just walking." I told him with a shrug.

"Evy." He said taking my arms. "What did you do?"

"Dean." Sam said standing.

Shoving Dean's hands off of me, I stood and faced him, a smile on my lips. "I freed myself."

Dean bowed his head before starting to pace. "They go bad, don't you see?" He said with a hurt expression.

"I'll take the bad if I can feel this good for even a day." I told him. "I don't feel bad anymore. All the guilt I'm been walking around with. All the love and lust and pain. It's all gone."

"You didn't…" Sam said catching on.

"Oh, I did." I smiled at him. "Try it, Sammy. You'll feel amazing after." He just looked at me sadly. "Why are you both looking at me like that? What's the worst thing that can happen?"

"We don't know." Dean told me. "But now you can't leave our sight. You're stuck here. No more wandering off."

"You can't stop me." I frowned at him.

"Oh, yes I can." He said getting in my face. "You stay put or I swear to God I'll tie you to the bed."

Glaring at him, I sat back down and stared at my computer screen, even though I wasn't really looking at anything. As time ticked by, I became bored. From the computer, I went to the shower, then tossed a ball for the dog, then started to play music. All the while Sam and Dean filtered in and out to do research.

"That's it!" Dean said standing. "That is it." He said glaring at me.

"What?" I said acting all innocent.

"We're going out." He said grabbing his jacket.

"Yes." I grinned and kissed my dog before following him out the door, hearing the dog's exasperated sigh. "Oh, shut up."

I was giddy as Dean and I walked the few blocks to the bar. Inside was loud music, pool tables and alcohol. Three things that sounded absolutely wonderful right now. Grinning ear to ear, I went straight to the bar and got a beer before joining the guys at the nearest pool table, all around my age and a few that were attractive enough to give attention to.

"Hey, can I join?" I smiled, putting my hand on the back of one.

They all turned and looked at me with lustful grins on their faces. I was welcomed with open arms as we started a new game. Jim was my partner. Fletcher and George were our opponents. After game three, Jim was a very happy camper. The other two gave up and I dragged Jim to the nearest corner to thank him for being such a good partner.

"Evy!" I heard my name yelled and I was torn away from Jim. He bit my lip in the process.

"Ow!" I yelled putting my fingers to my lip. "What was that for?!" I said turning to Dean.

"What are you doing?" He frowned.

"Just hanging out with Jim here." I replied, my buzz in full affect.

"Come on." Dean said and dragged me away from Jim and out of the bar.

He dragged me all the way back to the hotel, practically shoving me through the door. Sam was still out and we had the room to ourselves, giving him plenty of time to yell at me.

"What exactly did you wish for?" He asked me.

"Just to be free of the guilt and pain of loving two men." I told him.

"Seriously?" He frowned at me.

"Yes." I told him sitting down. "I've been feeling so bogged down with my feelings toward you and Cass that I wanted to get rid of it. Wanted to just feel like I used to…happy."

He sat down on the bed next to me, putting his hand on my thigh. "I know that you've been struggling. You know I'm here for you. Why not just talk to me?" He asked, his anger melting away.

"And tell you what?" I asked him. "How torn I am between my feelings for you and Cass. Tell you how much I still love the angel, even though he left me behind. About how much I want to love you but there always seems to be something lacking or in the way. How the world is coming to an end and we're all doomed. That I'm terrified that I'm going to let everyone down. Sam was working with demons and drinking demon blood. All these things and more go through my head every single day. I just wanted a little relief. A little fun for a change."

"I'm sorry." Dean told me sadly.

"For what?" I asked him.

"For putting you through all this." He replied.

"It's not your fault." I said shaking my head.

"Maybe I should have stayed dead. Then you'd be happier." He said taking his hand back.

"No." I said taking his hand again. "Don't even think that and you need to stop bringing it up. Things may be more complicated now but I want you here. I need you. I really do. It's just not fair that all this is happening."

"I know." He said brushing the hair from my face.

"I just want to be happy, Dean."

"Me too." He said and kissed my shoulder.

Smiling, I rested my head against his. Putting my free hand on his neck, I took a deep calming breath. Leaning away from him there was a moment of silence.

"Where's Sam?" I asked him.

"I don't know. Haven't heard from him for most of the night." He told me.

"Okay." I replied.

"He's safe I'm sure." He said reassuringly.

"I'm sure." I smiled at him.

We went to bed not long after that. I fell asleep quickly, feeling Dean's hand trailing up and down my arm. It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I shot awake, a large gasp escaping my lips.

"What is it?" Dean said wrapping his arm around me.

"I don't know." I said and looked at him.

"Was it a dream?" He asked.

"No." I said shaking my head. "I'm not sure what it was."

"Come here." He said pulling me down against him.

He cradled me against his bare chest, his warmth radiating through me. He kissed my forehead as I rested my head against him.

"It'll be okay." He whispered against my hair.

"Okay." I said and wrapped my arm around him.

When I woke up, I was alone in bed, as well as in the room, even Windsor was gone. There were dried tears from the corners of my eyes. Instead of the blissful happiness I had felt yesterday, there seemed to be a dull throbbing ache in the middle of my chest.

Getting out of bed, I went and took a long hot shower, hoping to get rid of the feeling. Only it seemed to ache more. Pacing the room, it seemed to intensify with every passing moment. Dean and Cass's faces were swimming in my head. Everything they told me, all the feelings, all of the hurt, and anger, and pain. There was so much noise and I couldn't silence it. Their yelling voices drowned out my own, making it impossible to concentrate.

"Just stop." I whispered.

Even my own voice seemed to be an undertone to the men's voices in my head. Dean had heard that the wishes went bad. It seemed that everything I had felt before was back with a vengeance. All of the pain and heartache was still there and it was worse than ever.

Going to the fridge I took out a beer and guzzled it, followed by two others. It wasn't quieting them. Getting the stronger stuff from Dean's stash, I opened a bottle of tequila and started to guzzle it. Feeling the buzz turn into drunkenness, the commotion in my head started to quiet down. Only that seemed to make it easier to hear what they were saying. _Don't leave me. You don't love him. Stay with me. You left me. You hurt me. I hate you. I love you. Pick me. Choose me. Love me. Don't go. I want you. You want me. You said you love me. You said you wanted to be with me._ All these thoughts and voices were going through my head over and over again. From soft whispers to yells.

"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!" I yelled, hitting the side of my head.

Turning to the door, I fled the room. I didn't know where I was going to go. All I knew was that I needed to find an escape. I needed to get away from the pain. I couldn't take it anymore. It had to stop.

* * *

><p>Dean's hands were white on the steering wheel. After everything that had happened so far, he knew one thing for sure. That the wishes didn't just go bad, they went to downright Hell. Everyone who made a wish was experiencing some serious backfires. Some of them were simple wishes. If the simple ones were causing so much pain, then what had Evy done to herself? She didn't realize the situation she had put herself in.<p>

All she wanted was relief from him and from Cass. It wasn't a lot to ask. He understood what she wanted. But it just wasn't possible. They were both in her life whether she liked it or not. She had to make a hard choice, he knew that, but he wanted her to pick him. He needed her in ways she would never understand. It didn't matter how much he tried to explain how he felt. It would never come out right. He loved her more than anything. It didn't matter if she loved Cass. It didn't matter how many times she slept with him or the strength of her feelings for him. She was his, and Dean wasn't going to give her up. Not for anything in the world.

Quickly throwing the car into park, Dean bolted to the room, seeing it wide open. She was gone. He knew she would be. As soon as he realized how bad it could get, he rushed back to her, needing to know that she was okay. Now he knew that she wasn't. There were beer bottles and a half bottle of tequila. He knew it had been full.

"God damn it, Evy." He spoke and held down her speed dial on his phone. Only a second later _Back in Black_ sounded from their bed. "Shit." He said and quickly hung up, now dialing Sam. "She's gone. She left her phone behind and she's been drinking. Something's wrong."

"She wished to be free of guilt." Sam stated. "If her wish has gone bad then she's probably feeling like crap right now, and it's only going to get worse."

"I know." Dean stated.

"Where would she go?" Sam asked.

"She's not going to want to be found. Without her phone there's no way to track her." Dean replied.

"There's Windsor." Sam told him.

"Meet me at the hotel." He said and hung up the phone.

Dean sat on the edge of the bed. All her things were here. He knew that she would have no intention of coming back for them. If she was feeling the way he thought she was then she would be considering one thing and one thing only. Making it stop. He quickly stood, moving to her bag of things, seeing all her weapons and knives gave him a small amount of relief. If she was going to try and commit suicide then she would have to try another way then just shooting or cutting herself. It would only be a matter of time. He knew that. He needed to find her…and he needed to stop her.

"Cass…if you can hear me. She's in trouble. She needs your help. If I can't find her, you need to. You need to keep her safe…for the both of us." Dean said before bowing his head.

"What happened?"

Dean looked up to see Cass. "She made a wish. A wish that's going very, very, bad."

"How could you let her do that?" Cass asked his tone dark.

"I didn't _let_ her do anything." Dean said standing. "She just wanted a little relief from the _hell_ that the two of us have been putting her through."

"It's necessary." Cass stated.

"Bullshit!"

"Dean."

"You hurt her, Cass. You hurt her good." Dean told him heatedly. "I hate admitting it, I really do, but she loves you. Maybe even more then she loves me."

"I can't make her happy." Cass told him. "You can. I did not hurt her intentionally. It had to be done. I love her more than you know. But I am being the bigger man here. I am giving her to you in hopes of making everything right. She's supposed to be with you. I know that. But I will not let any more harm come to her."

"Then find her." Dean told him. "Otherwise she may just harm herself more than even you can fix."

"It's not possible."

"Then go watch her die. She's in a lot of pain right now. Find her. Or at least tell me where she is."

Cass closed his eyes. A frown soon moved across his face and he opened his eyes and met Dean's.

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"I can't sense her." He told him, a spark of fear entering his voice.

"What do you mean you can't sense her?" Dean said getting in his face.

"Something is blocking me."

"God damn it, Evelyn!" He said and started to pace the room. "She's too damn smart sometimes."

"She knows what she's doing." Cass stated and disappeared.

A few minutes later Sam came in with the dog. Dean filled him in on what was going on. There was no way of finding her. He just hoped her scent was strong enough that the dog could follow it. He didn't know how long she'd been gone. He just hoped he would be in time.

Bending down to look the dog in eye, he tried talking to him like she did. Like he understood every word he was saying. "Okay, Windsor. We need to find your mom. We don't know where she is so you need to help us out. You need to smell her out. Can you do that for me?" The dog gave an elongated chattering bark before he snorted. Dean swore he was looking at him with a mocking glare. As if Dean were stupid for thinking that he couldn't handle it. "Alright then, let's go." He said and opened the door.

* * *

><p>The breeze coming off of the river dried the hot tears that were falling down my face. It flowed smoothly in front of me. Sitting atop a grassy section, overhanging the river, I looked down. It was at least a twenty foot drop into the rushing water. The voices were still moving around in my head. Telling me how horrible I was. I couldn't even pick out any happy thoughts anymore. My heart ached so bad that I thought it was going to burst. There had to be a way to make it stop. The sight before me seemed to be the only option I had left. I didn't want to. It wasn't what I had planned. But I couldn't take this feeling anymore. I couldn't take the regrets and the pain. I couldn't do it.<p>

"I can't do it anymore." I said and looked down at the small animal skin bag in my hands.

It held everything needed to mask me from the world. Very few things would be able to find me now. Even Castiel wouldn't be able to find me now. I almost wanted to destroy the bag. Watch it wash away in the river and let him come. I knew by now that both of them were worried about me. I cared about that. I cared so much and I hated myself for hurting them. But I just couldn't do it.

"It hurts." I said turning the bag in my hands. "I can't feel like this anymore."

* * *

><p>"It's no use." Sam told his brother.<p>

"We'll find her." Dean told him.

"Windsor's lost her scent." Sam stated.

"But you don't see him giving up do you?" Dean frowned at him.

They both paused and watched the dog dart back and forth, his nose practically dragging on the ground. He let loose several quiet whines as he tried to track her scent. But it was obvious that he had lost it. Even his pace slowed and he looked up at Dean.

"What do you suggest?" Dean asked his brother.

"We have to find the person who made the first wish." He replied.

"Fine." He said. "Track him down. Call me when you find him. I'm going to stay out here with Windsor for a little bit longer."

"Okay." Sam said looking at him sadly.

Dean led Windsor all around town. There was nothing. He finally moved away from the town, knowing that the forested park was only a few miles away. Windsor seemed to have a renewed hope as they moved into the trees. Seeing the dog's hope made Dean feel like they might have finally found a break. Only that hope was dashed when he heard Cass's voice from behind him.

"You were supposed to protect her."

"I have been." Dean said turning to him.

"Like when you tried to beat her to death?" Cass shot at him.

"I wasn't myself!" Dean shot right back at him. "And you know that."

"It doesn't change what you did. I believed that I was leaving her in good hands by returning her to you. But now I see that she would have been safer staying with me, even if that meant dealing with the wrath of angels." He told him.

Dean just glared at him. He wasn't sure what to even say to that. "I'm doing the best I can. You're the one who taught us how to hide from angels."

"It's not good enough." Cass told him. "She may die and we'll never know because I can't find her. All because you lost her."

"How dare you, you son of a bitch." Dean said shaking his head at him. "You'll never know how much I love her. Even you can't understand."

"I understand completely." Cass replied. "And now because of you I will lose her. All because I thought I was doing the right thing."

"You did do the right thing." Dean told him. "This is just as much your fault as it is mine. You took her from me then forced her to come back. She wouldn't be so torn if you hadn't been so selfish. She tried to resist you and you kept coming for her. I'm not the only one to blame." Cass just looked at him. Dean was right and Cass knew it. It was then that Dean realized that Windsor wasn't in sight anymore. "Where's the dog?" Cass looked to his left and Dean took off after the dog.

* * *

><p>My hands were shaking. The bag was still in my hands. I almost wanted to drop it in the river. To be found and saved yet again. But at the same time I wanted to go with it. To end the pain that was aching in my chest. Soon I felt the tears start, following with sobs the racked my whole body. I bent over into my lap and sobbed till my throat hurt. It was a small release, dulling the ache momentarily. The bag slipped from my hands. I watched it hit the water and be washed away. Standing, it took me only a moment before I made to step off to whatever fate lay below me.<p>

"No!"

I was whipped around, coming face to face with Cass. He held my arms tightly, shaking me.

"What are you thinking?" He asked. I felt his hands shaking as they held me. "Evy, what were you thinking? How can I protect you if you hide yourself from me?"

I didn't have any words. I just started to cry. He pulled me against him, following me as I fell to my knees. The sobs were loud, filled with all the pain I was feeling. He held me against him, holding me tightly. I tried struggling against him. Not wanting to face what I was trying to run from. I didn't want to be near him. He had already rejected me. Told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore. Just knowing that and having him this close made the ache twice as bad.

"Let me go! Just let me go!" I cried, only his arms held me even tighter.

"I'll never let you go." He whispered in my ear. "Even if I can't be with you. I'll always love you. You know what's right. You don't have to go through with this."

"Yes I do." I cried. "I can't feel like this anymore."

"It's going to stop." He told me.

"It never stops." I whispered. "It's a constant. I can't run from it. But I can end it. I know where I'm going."

"Then you also know that you still take the living with you." He told me with a slight shake.

"But peace comes in time…"

"This is not the way. I'll stop you every time."

"I love you." I told him. "And that hurts me."

"I know." He said sadly.

"Make it stop. Make me not love you anymore."

"And what good would that do?"

"Then I'd be free to love Dean the way I should."

"You already do. You just need to let me go."

"I don't want to." I said as tears continued to stream.

"And I don't want you to either. But you know it's for the best. I'll always be with you." He said kissing my hair. I nodded, knowing he was right.

Just then it seemed that all the pain and sorrow got washed away. The tears stopped and I was left taking shallow breaths. Cass's arms loosened around me.

"Are you okay?" He asked me. I nodded, feeling completely normal again. Just the usual thoughts and feelings that I'd had before I had made that stupid wish. "Evy?"

"I'm okay." I said standing and taking a few steps away from him. "Just give me a minute."

All the thoughts were still going through my head. Everything that I had felt or heard in my head was still there. I remembered it. It sucked. Then I turned back to Cass. He was just looking at me. I frowned at him, not knowing what to say.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He finally asked.

"Yeah." I told him. "I'm fine."

"What do you want me to do?" He asked.

Looking at him, I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted him as much as ever. But things were better with Dean and I wanted them to stay that way. "You can go, Cass." I replied. "I understand. I get it. Thank you for saving me again. Seems like it's the only thing the two of us are really good at. Me getting into trouble and you getting me out of it."

"I'm sorry." He told me sadly.

"I know. Me too." I said nodding.

"I'll be seeing you." He said with a small smile.

"I hope so." I said with a similar smile.

He disappeared and I was left standing there alone. Taking a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. Then I heard Windsor's bark. He came barreling out of the woods, sliding into my legs as his tail wagged, whining, as he licked the air, giddy with the sight of me. Smiling, I stoked his head, bending down to hug him. Then I heard Dean's voice as he called for the dog. He came out of the woods and stopped when he saw me.

"Hey." I smiled at him.

"Hey." He replied.

"I'm sorry." I told him as tears fell. He just nodded at me. Moving to him I looked him in his eyes. "I'm really sorry." He nodded again, his jaw tight. I put my arms around his neck, running my hand down the back of his head. He hugged me tightly, his breathing telling me that I had caused more worry then I had meant to. "I'm so sorry."

"I know." He told me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said releasing him. "I'm okay."

He put his hand on my face, his thumb rubbing my cheek. Putting my hand over his, I smiled at him. He leaned in, pausing just an inch from my face. Putting my other hand on his face, I kissed him. He sighed, just looking at me. Kissing him again, I rested my head against his chest. He held me against him, running his hand down my hair.

"I was scared." He finally whispered in my ear. "I thought I wouldn't find you in time."

"You almost didn't." I told him. "I screwed up. I dropped the bag and Cass pulled me back as I stepped off the edge."

"Thank God for him." He said hugging me tighter.

"I do every day." I told him. "But as bad as it was it was an eye opener."

"Yeah?" He said moving me away from him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I smiled and ran my hand down his chest.

"Let's go." He smiled, wrapping his arm around me.

Ups and downs, good times and bad, through thick and thin…but most of all…for better or for worse.


	23. Bright Sun, Dark Clouds

_**Chapter Twenty-three: Bright Sun, Dark Clouds**_

Looking at the room you'd think a hurricane had blown through. The bed was askew, the sheets everywhere. Clothes were thrown from one end to the other. Cups were tipped over, the phone off the hook, an old movie playing on the TV. Only nothing bad had happened. If you moved to the bathroom, all you would find would be a happy couple in the shower, making love like it was the first time. Only, in reality, it was the fifth for the night, but who's counting?

Grinning at Dean, I couldn't help but feel happy. It felt like our slate was washed clean and I was getting a giant breath of fresh air. Like the universe forgave me for being such a horrible person. For not being the person I should. I had turned into an emotional, whiny, girl. I was a hunter. I had to think like a hunter. But more than that, at least to me, I was a wife. I had been a horrible wife. I had wanted to be his wife since the day I realized that I loved him. I finally got what I wanted and I had treated it like crap. I was done with that. Done with not being who I should be for my husband.

Lying in bed, I twirled the ring on my finger. Feeling more calm, relaxed, and clear then I had in months. My body felt at ease. No more being pulled in different directions. The love I felt for Cass was still there. But it was no longer at the forefront of my brain. It was now pushed to the back. Allowing a sense of peace to finally wash over me. I just hoped I could keep it there for as long as I could.

Turning, I rested my head on my arm, putting my hand on Dean's face with the other. He was facing me, with a peaceful, happy, look. Smiling, I gently caressed his cheek, not wanting to go to sleep, just in case this was a dream. But sleep finally took me, my hand never leaving his face, wanting to be able to feel him in my dreams.

Waking to the sun, streaming through the window, I found I was alone in bed but there was a note on his pillow. _Went for breakfast. Be back soon._ Smiling, I stood and looked at the mess that we had made. I showered before cleaning up what I could. I even had time to take Windsor for a decent walk. It seemed forever for him to finally get back. I had my journal out on my lap, putzing with it while I waited. When the door opened, I grinned, only was mildly disappointed when Sam came in.

"Morning." He smiled.

"Morning, Sammy." I smiled at him.

"Where's Dean?"

"Off getting breakfast."

"He better bring back something good." He smiled at me.

"Agreed." I smiled back.

"Working on anything or just waiting?"

"Just waiting." I sighed, turning back to the book.

I started sketching everything we encountered. No surprises for the person who ended up with this journal. Whether it would be family or another hunter who comes across it. Who know how or when the end would come for me. Even if it did there was a good chance that I wouldn't stay that way. Not yet. I still had an angel looking out for me.

Finishing a sketch of Cass next to my section on angels, I finally set the book aside, sighing with my growing impatience. Pulling Windsor into my lap I started to brush him. It had been a while and there was a mass amount of extra hair on him. Seeing all the dirt and dander on the brush I decided to give him a bath. He loved swimming but hated baths. Thank God he listened when I started to get uppity with him. Drying him off, he perked his ears, and I finally heard the door open. Smiling, I let the dog rush out to meet him, slowly following him. Leaning against the door frame, Windsor sat at Dean's feet; his tail moving so fast his butt was wiggling. He looked up at him with squinty eyes; his tongue licking the air till Dean bent enough for him to lick his chin. My smile grew as I watched them. When Dean looked up at me, it was his smile that grew. Walking up to him, he put his hands on my hips, his crooked smile making me grin as I leaned up to him, kissing him sweetly.

"What took you so long?" I smiled at him.

"It took me a while to find what I wanted." He smiled back, kissing me again.

I was going to ask what he had been looking for when my nose caught the scent of Chinese. Grinning at him, I opened the bags to see sweet and sour chicken, Lou mien, sesame chicken, egg rolls, chicken and broccoli, even cream cheese wontons. I started pulling out food, grabbing pieces here and there.

"This is _so_ good." I said and kissed him again.

"It's your favorite." He said rubbing my back as he pulled out paper plates.

"It's been ages." I told him as I gorged myself. "I don't think it's ever tasted so good. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled and kissed me passionately. "That sesame chicken is good."

"Gross." Sam told us with furrowed brows. "You two are disgusting."

"This is good for us." I smiled at him.

"Guess that means you two are pretty much back to normal. Swapping spit and food again." He said with a small shudder.

"I don't mind." Dean told him.

"Me neither."

For the first time in a while things felt blissfully normal. We just hung out and talked. We cuddled on the bed and watched a movie. Took the dog for a nice long walk. I was happy. Things were going so well. It may have only been a couple days but it was nice to feel like we were back on track.

* * *

><p>We lay on a blanket under the stars. The sky clear as the crickets chirped in the tall grass. Lying on Dean's arm, he trailed his fingers across my shoulder. I sighed deeply, content with the world.<p>

"That was fun." Dean finally told me.

"Pretty sure I need stitches and a splint for my fingers." I told him, moving closer against his side.

"Yeah, I should probably put my shoulder back into place." He said kissing my hair.

"Where's Sam?" I asked.

"He's burying the bodies." Dean replied.

"He's feeling guilty, isn't he?" I said sadly. "He thinks he could've done better."

"He knows better." Dean said sitting up, wincing with pain.

"Here…" I said and moved behind him. "Brace yourself." I told him before popping his shoulder back into place.

Dean let out a groan and laid back down. Straddling him, I lowered myself down on top of him. Resting my hands on the center of his chest, my chin on top of them, I smiled down at him. He ran his fingers through my hair before taking my hand in his. He just looked at me. Taking a deep breath, I held it momentarily as he snapped my fingers back into place. Burying my face in his chest, I waited for the pain to ease, no sound coming from my mouth. Dean put his hand on the back of my head, leaning his head forward, burying his lips in my hair.

"You good?" He asked as I raised my head.

"Yeah." I said and pushed myself off of him. "You?" I said holding my hand out for his good arm.

"Yeah." He said as I helped him to his feet.

"Alright, I'm gonna go get Sam. Get the car?"

He nodded and pulled me against him, kissing me deeply. "Are we having fun yet?" He smirked at me.

"Tons." I smiled up at him. "A good fight always makes me hot."

He raised a brow as his hand grasped my ass. Grinning further, I looked up at him, gently biting my tongue between my teeth. He gave me his mind melting half smile before taking my mouth in his. His tongue rubbing against mine before forcing its way in. Finally pulling away from him, I slapped his ass, running my hand down his chest before moving away from him. Moving through the trees, I heard a voice that didn't belong to Sam. Peering through the trees I saw Ruby. It took all of me not to rush out. All happiness was gone as I moved closer to listen. Sam had a torn expression on his face. Hers held one of persuasion, her tone gentle and welcoming. Inching forward so I could hear better, I accidentally broke a twig. Ruby and Sam looked in my direction. Ruby disappeared in a second before Sam put on his strong face.

"What did she want?" I asked stepping into view.

"Who?" Sam asked, feigning innocence as he wiped sweat from his forehead.

"Sam." I said shaking my head.

"It was nothing." He told me. I looked at him sadly, disappointment written across my face. "Evy, I swear."

"I wish I believed you." I said and turned away from him. "Come on, Dean is waiting."

* * *

><p>Sitting against the wall, a small smile graced my lips as I watched Dean through the tinted door of the shower. I usually requested a room with a bathtub, but I couldn't complain about this. My knees were bent, my hands draped over my ankles. I watched his muscles move as he cleaned himself. The need to join him was pulling at me, but I held back, knowing what I was going to have to talk to him about when he came out.<p>

The shower door opened and Dean stepped out. Still looking ahead of me, my smile grew.

"Like what you see?" He grinned down on me.

I just made a soft groan and looked up at him. He bent down, his legs on either side of me. My hands were brushed by his penis as he grinned mischievously at me. I couldn't help the blush that came to my cheeks. This, of course, just goaded him on. He moved onto his knees and I couldn't help but take it in my hands as his wet chest moved against me. Grinning as his lips traced my neck and jaw line, I gently massaged him. His lips became more urgent against my skin before they found my own. Kissing him deeply, I felt him harden in my grasp. Pulling me against him, I couldn't help but be aroused by the dampness of his skin, the way my hands slipped along his body as I wrapped my arms around him. As his lips moved with mine, I forgot why I was stalking him in the bathroom. When my senses finally started to return, I gently pushed him away. Taking his face in my hands, I kissed him passionately.

"Keep getting ready." I told him. He pouted at me, kissing me again. Smiling, I let him fondle me for a few more minutes before making him move from my lap.

He sighed and caressed my face before standing again. Moving to my prior position, I leaned my head against the wall, watching him as he went about his normal routine, smiling as he gelled his hair.

"Ruby was at the burial last night." I said finally looking away from him. He froze and looked down at me. I knew his expression without looking at him. "Sam didn't do anything that I saw. I heard them talking but I couldn't understand what they were saying. When I moved closer to try and hear, I broke a stick and Ruby left." I told him and paused. Dean just looked at me before pulling on a pair of sweats and sitting next to me. "Sam denied it at first but then he claimed that nothing happened. I don't know what she wants but it looked like she was trying to convince him of something." I finished and looked at him. He had his pensive look on. "We don't know that he's done anything since the last time." I told him reassuringly. He remained silent. "He's kept his word so far. I just wanted you to know." I said and took his hand. "'Kay?"

"Yeah." He said and put his arm around me. "I'm just not sure what to do."

"We'll figure it out." I smiled, wrapping my arm around his bent knee, pinning it to mine.

"Are you two almost done in there?" Sam asked through the door. "I'd love a shower and to _not_ pee in a plant."

"Be right out." I called to him. Turning to Dean, I rested my hand on his face before kissing him. "We're going to figure it out. Everything is going to be okay."

"I love you." He smiled and stood up.

"I love you more." I replied softly.

* * *

><p>Sitting at the end of the bed, I listened as the boys slept. They both looked so peaceful. My mind was moving through everything that happened and everything that I knew. The pending apocalypse. The seals. Everything seemed to be coming together in some parts and falling apart in others. I couldn't help but think of Cass, wondering if he was okay. If he had news on Lilith. I needed to make sure he was okay. Zachariah and Uriel were nothing like Castiel. It made me worry for him. Windsor gave a whiny yawn and got off the bed, walking toward the door. Sighing, I grabbed my sweatshirt before taking him outside. Windsor went about his business as I went to the picnic table. Staring up at the moon.<p>

"You look good."

"Cass." I smiled and watched him sit on the table next to me. "What brings you here?"

"You do." He said and smiled at me.

Turning toward him, I ran my hand down his face. "You look good too."

"You seem happy." He told me.

I could hear the sad edge in his voice. "I am." I replied. "My personal life has finally taken a turn for the better. It feels better after everything that has happened."

"Am I forgotten?" He asked.

"Never." I told him quickly. "Never, Cass. I'm doing what you asked of me. I am happily in love with my husband. But I love you just as much as I ever did. I love you. But I'm trying to love him more, and it's working." I smiled at him.

"I'm glad." He replied but looked away.

"No you're not." I said taking his hand. "But thank you for saying it."

"Here." He said handing me a file.

"What is it?" I asked as I took it.

Before I could look at it, he put his hand on my face, looking me in my eyes. "I love you."

There was something in his eyes that scared me. I moved to grip his jacket when he disappeared. "I love you too, Cass."

I looked at the file, taking a deep breath, not wanting to know what was inside of it. Windsor came and sat next to me, his ears perking as the door opened. Looking over I saw Dean.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I nodded. "Is Cass okay?"

"I don't know." I replied. "He gave me this." I told him and handed the file to him.

"Have you looked at it?" He asked.

"No." I replied.

"And you're handing it over to me?" He asked skeptically.

"Why wouldn't I?" I retorted.

"Maybe it's a love letter." He said quietly.

"Dean." I said but smiled. "I love that you're jealous but I've made my choice."

"Doesn't mean it's going to stick." He stated.

"Ouch." I said and frowned at him.

"I'm sorry." He said sitting next to me.

"I know I've hurt you, Dean. I know that but we've come a long way since then. We've done the cold shoulder and the fighting and now we're finally on the road to being happy. I love Cass and you know that, but I'm being honest when I say that I love you more. I had to take an off road to get back on track but I'm there." By the end I was breathing hard. I didn't feel the need to defend myself but I also knew that he wanted to hear it.

He took my face in his hand and kissed me deeply. "Good, because I'm not letting you go again."

"I don't want you to." I whispered and put my arms around his neck. "Alright, open it up."

Dean flipped it open. A pretty red head looked back at us from the photo that was paper clipped to a medical report. There were reports from her physician as well as her psychologist. We both frowned as we read the file on Anna Milton. How she was hearing voices, claiming that the apocalypse was coming and mentioned Lilith and the seals. How the angels were losing. She was thrown in the nut house for it. Any normal person would think she was crazy, but we knew the truth. We looked at each other, a frown written across both our faces. Mine deepened as a shadow passed the window in our room. Getting up, I bolted to the room, Dean following. Bursting through the door, Sam was sitting on the edge of the bed, Ruby standing next to him.


	24. Yes, Your Grace Part I

_**Chapter Twenty-four: Yes, Your Grace Part I**_

My skin crawled as I paced in front of the demon. She had pled a good case. But working with her was the last thing I wanted to do. Dean was sharing my thoughts as he seemed to gravitate around me.

"The demons want her. They want her bad." Ruby repeated. "If we don't move now than they are going to get to her before we do."

"And you just expect us to believe you and do what you want?" I shot at her. "We don't work with demons." My eyes shot Sam a glare as I unconsciously put blame on him.

"What if she's right?" Sam shot back at me.

"What if she isn't?" I retorted. "What if she's setting us up?"

"She wouldn't do that." Sam told me.

"How do you know, Sam?!" I yelled at him. "She's a _fucking _demon! It's in her blood to betray us!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Sam yelled, getting in my face.

"Look, I'm causing more harm than good." Ruby said with her hands raised. "I'm just going to leave and let you all talk about it."

"Good." I said looking at her. She turned and left the room.

"Damn it, Evy!" Sam yelled at me. "She might know something important and you just chased her out of here."

"Stop being overly dramatic, Sam." I told him crossing my arms as I started to pace.

"We need to look into this." He told me.

"Do we?" I shot at him.

"Okay, that's enough." Dean told us, stepping into the middle. "You hear me? Enough."

I just glared at my brother-in-law as I continued to pace behind my husband.

"Dean, if Ruby is right we need to help her." Sam told his brother.

"Sam…" Dean said looking at him. For a second I thought he was on my side.

"What if she knows something about the apocalypse?" Sam added. "What if she really is hearing angels? We can't just leave her to the demons."

Dean didn't say anything. He just looked at his brother before looking at me. "Dean." I said shaking my head. "Come on!"

"He's right." Dean told me. "We don't know she's wrong. We don't have many options here."

"So we're just going to trust her?" I frowned at him.

"I didn't say that." He said turning to me. "But Sam has a point."

"Fine." I told him, grabbing my jacket. "Whatever."

Leaving the room, I walked from the lot, moving down the sidewalk. Passing several people on the road, I hoped the fresh air and quiet time would help. Instead, I felt torn. Maybe she was right. Maybe we did need to help this Anna. But at the same time she was the demon that helped train Sam to use his demonic gifts. I hated her. I didn't want to be on her side.

"I could use my guardian angel right about now." I said aloud, looking to the sky.

Nothing happened. Sighing, I walked a short while longer before hearing the Impala approaching. Stopping, I turned and watched it roll up. Dean leaned toward the passenger window and just looked at me. Sam refused to look at me, not even with a glare. He could be as pissed as he wanted. Without saying a word, I got in and slammed the door. No one said anything as we started the drive. It was going to be a very long three days to get where we needed to go.

* * *

><p>"Of course, I wanna help any way that I can." Anna's psychiatrist told us.<p>

"The orderly has no recollection of Anna's escape?" Sam asked her.

"Apparently, she knocked him unconscious. The blow caused some amnesia. He doesn't even remember coming into her room."

"That didn't seem strange to you?" I frowned at her.

"Hell of a right hook to knock out a guy with 80 pounds on her." Dean added.

"We think she may have planned this. Waited behind the door." She told us.

"Still, she doesn't sound capable." I replied.

She gave me a small smile, "She was sick. People can do crazy things when they're not themselves."

"Right. You mentioned Anna's illness was recent." Sam stated.

"Two months ago she was happy, well-adjusted. Journalism major, lots of friends, bright future." She told us.

"So, what happened? She just flipped?" Dean asked.

"Well, that's the tragedy of schizophrenia. Within weeks, Anna was overtaken by delusions."

"What kinds of delusions?" Sam asked.

"She thought demons were everywhere."

Dean just looked at her, "Interesting."

"It's not uncommon for our patients to believe that monsters are real." She told us and handed us a notebook.

"Well, that's just batty." Dean grinned at her.

I elbowed him lightly as I looked at the notebook. Flipping through them, there were a lot of sketches of the same stained glass window. Most of them just partial. One in vivid color. Several with a cross over it. As we looked further there was a picture with a caption on the opposite page saying "The Rising of the Witnesses" with the symbol as well. Next it was the same thing only this time the caption was, "Sam Hain the Next Seal is Broken." Both pictures coincided with what had happened.

"Dean…" I said looking at him.

"It's Revelations." Dean replied.

"Since when does the Book of Revelations have jack-o-lanterns?" She asked.

"It's a little-known translation." Dean told her.

"Ah." She said looking at him.

"What else can you tell us?" I asked her.

"Well, Anna's father was a church deacon. When she became ill, her paranoia took on religious overtones. She was convinced the devil was about to rise up and end the world." She told us, her expression turning sad. "I hope you find her. It's dangerous for her to be out there alone right now."

"Thank you." I smiled at her and we left.

Driving to her parent's house, we hoped that they would know where she would go. All the while there was something that felt weird about all of this. When there was no answer we let ourselves in.

"Mr. and Mrs. Milton?" I called. "We're here to talk about Anna." The house was silent. "Rich? Amy?"

"Over here." Sam said sadly.

Dean and I quickly moved toward him. "No." I said as I saw their bodies on the floor, their throats slit. "Damn it." I said running my fingers through my hair.

Dean bent down and touched the yellowish powder on the floor. "Sulfur."

"They beat us here." I said shaking my head.

"Believe her now?" Sam asked me.

"Shut up, Sam." I frowned at him. "Her parents are dead. When we do find her she's going to be devastated."

"Knock it off, you two." Dean told us. "I'm sick of your arguing."

"Sorry." I whispered as I looked at the pictures on the mantel. "Dean…" I said and grabbed one of the frames. I held her drawings, opening it up to the colored drawing. "Look at this."

"It's the same window." Dean stated.

"Sure is." I smiled.

"Her dad's church." Sam said and moved from the house.

Going to the church, everything was quiet on the main floor. There was a staircase leading up to another room. Moving through it, we didn't know what to expect.

"Dean." Sam said quietly.

Following his line of sight, we saw Anna behind a piece of stained glass.

"Anna? We're not going to hurt you." Sam told her. "We're here to help. My name is Sam. This is my brother, Dean. And my sister, Evy."

"Sam? Not Sam Winchester?" Anna replied.

"Ah, yeah." Same replied.

"And you're Dean? The Dean?" She said coming from her hiding place.

"The Dean?" I asked him with a raised brow.

"Well, yeah. The Dean, I guess." Dean said with a smirk.

"Wipe that look off your face." I whispered to him.

"It's really you. Oh, my God. The angels talk about you. You were in Hell, but Castiel pulled you out and some of them think you can help save us." She said and turned to Sam. "And some of them don't like you at all." She looked between them. "They talk about you all the time. I feel like I know you." She smiled. I was starting to feel left out. "And you." She said looking at me. You're Castiel's, Evy."

"Excuse me?" Dean frowned at her.

"No other angel is allowed to touch her." Anna told him.

"What?" I asked her slightly shocked. "He's laid claim to me?"

"Yes. He's very protective of you. They don't talk about you much because of it."

"Wow." I said, taking it all in.

"So you talk to angels?" Dean said changing the subject.

"Oh, no, no. No way. They probably don't even know I exist. I just kind of overhear them." She told him.

"You overhear them?" Sam frowned.

"Yeah, they talk and sometimes I just hear them in my head." Anna replied.

"Like right now?" Dean asked.

"Not right this second. But a lot. And I can't shut them out. There are so many of them."

"So, they lock you up with a case of the crazies when really you were just tuning in to angel radio?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Nice." I frowned at my husband.

"Anna, when did the voices start? Do you remember?" Sam asked her.

"I can tell you exactly. September 18th."

"Day I got out of Hell." Dean stated.

"Jesus…" I said and looked at them.

"First words I heard, clear as a bell: "Dean Winchester is saved.""

"What do you think?" Dean asked us.

"This is above my pay grade, man." Sam told him.

"She seems pretty legit. I guess Ruby was right." I replied.

"Well, at least now we know why the demons want you so bad. They get a hold of you and they can hear everything the other side's cooking. You're 1-900-ANGEL." Dean told her.

"This is crazy." I said and paced away from her.

"Hey, do you know, are my parents okay? I didn't go home. I was afraid." She told us.

I was about to bring on the whole sentimental your-parents-are-dead speech, when the door opened and Ruby came in.

"You got the girl? Good, let's go." She told us.

Anna started to freak out. "Her face!"

"It's okay. She's here to help." Sam told her.

"Don't be so sure." Dean replied quietly.

"There is something going on with her." I frowned. She could see what Ruby really was.

"We have to hurry." Ruby told us.

"Why?" Dean frowned.

"Because a demon's coming. Big-timer. We can fight later, Dean." Ruby told him.

"Well, isn't that convenient. Showing up right when we find the girl with some bigwig on your tail." Dean accused.

"I didn't bring him. You did." She shot back at him.

"What?" I frowned at her.

"He followed you from the girl's house. We gotta go now." She replied. She definitely seemed to be afraid.

"Dean. Evy." Sam said.

Looking, we saw the statue of Mary begin to cry blood.

"It's too late. He's here." She said and slammed the door shut.

We all listened and turned our backs to each other as we waited for whoever was coming to get her. There was a bang and Sam moved to Anna, taking her to the back of the room, putting her in the closet. Coming back, he pulled a flask of Holy water from his jacket.

"No, Sam. You gotta pull him right away." Ruby told him.

"Now, hold on a sec." Dean frowned.

"Ruby." I said glaring at her.

"Now's not the time to bellyache about Sam going dark-side. He does his thing, he exorcises that demon, or we die." Ruby told us.

Dean and I exchanged a glance. So far everything was panning out. Sam looked at us before putting the flask away. He took several deep breaths to steady himself for what he was going to have to do. The rest of us stood behind him, Dean took out the knife as I pulled my gun from the back of my pants. The door started to rattle before it burst open. A middle-aged man coming up the steps. Sam put his hand out, trying to use his powers on him, but it didn't work. He flinched momentarily before he grinned at Sam.

"That tickles. You don't have the juice to take me on, Sam." He told him.

The demon pulled Sam forward, tossing him through the door and down the steps. Dean was next as he attempted to stab him with the knife. The demon sensed his attack before grabbing his arm, fighting momentarily before he held Dean firmly by the jacket.

"Hello again, Dean." The demon told him.

My eyes grew wide before I let off several shots into his back. He turned and threw me across the room. Hitting the wall hard, I watched as the demon started to beat up Dean. As I attempted to get back onto my feet, I watched as Ruby went and took Anna from the closet, running her out of there. Finally getting to my feet, I rushed him again. He turned and grabbed me by the throat, punching me several times. Dean hit the crook of his arm, making him drop me. They continued to fight.

"Come on, Dean. Don't you recognize me? Oh, I forgot I'm wearing a pediatrician. But we were so close. In Hell." The demon told him.

"Dean." I said getting to my hands and knees.

"Alastair." Dean said looking at him.

The demon continued to beat him. I couldn't help but watch. Then I saw Sam come flying by. The demon, Alistair, heard him, turning just in time for Sam to stab him.

"You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that, son." He told him.

Alastair fought with the knife, pulling it out. Dean looked at me and I attempted to skirt past the Demon but he grabbed me, tossing me across the room, knocking me out.

* * *

><p>Coming to, I found myself naked and strapped to a table. There was minimal pain, but as soon as Alastair appeared I knew I was in for a rough time. He wheeled in a cart of an assortment of weapons.<p>

"What is it with you demons?" I asked him. "Naked and strapped to a table? Really?"

"I want the girl." He told me.

"Good luck with that." I replied coldly.

"Where is she?" He asked. "This won't last nearly as long if you just tell me what I want to know."

"I can't tell you what I don't know." I told him quickly. He laughed and held up the magic knife for me to see. "That's mine."

"And now it's mine." He told me before slicing my side.

Screaming in pain, he sliced me twice more before pausing. "I'm not telling you anything." I told him when I felt like I could get the words out.

"When I'm done, you'll be talking." He told me.

"I'm human. I won't last nearly as long as your usual prey." I replied.

"You have a point. But I'll make sure you last just long enough." He grinned and started to cut me again. Hitting all the sweet spots for optimal pain.

Feeling weak, I laid there as Alastair continued to move around me. There was a constant sound of dripping as blood moved through my wounds. Cuts, from my ankles to my neck, made me feel immobilized. I was bleeding out. What a way to go. Being slaughtered by Dean's buddy from Hell.

"Are you ready to tell me where she is?" Alastair asked me again.

"I don't know where she is." I told him. "Ruby took her and then you took me."

"Why don't I believe?" He asked me.

"Because you're a dumb ass?" I retorted.

"Listen, I can do this all day, and believe me, I would. But I have plans that I'd like to put into motion and I need the girl." He told me, slicing my side as he walked by.

"I don't know anything!" I screamed at him.

He slammed his hands on my arms, making me scream in pain. "Then you'll lead me to them."

"Like hell I will." I told him and spit blood in his face.

He sliced and diced a few more minutes before leaving the room.

"Cass." I said softly. "Cass…if you can hear me…please…I can't get myself out of this."

There was commotion from outside before Alastair's voice came through, loud as a bell. "Castiel. Come for your girl have you?"

"Leave now before I kill you." Cass's voice replied.

It was quiet before the door opened and Cass came rushing in. He didn't hesitate as he undid the straps and pulled me from the table. I was weak from blood loss, but as he kneeled with me in his arms, the pain disappeared. Throwing my arms around his neck, I shook against him, tears running down my cheeks.

"I'm here." He told me gently.

"Cass…" I said sadly.

"I've got you." He said putting his hand on my face.

I did the same, looking at him. He moved his face closer to mine. Our lips nearly touched before he pulled away from me. Sighing, I nestled against him. He held me tightly, kissing my forehead. I was cold. He stood, placing me on the table before disappearing. He reappeared with my clothes in his hands.

"Thank you." I told him as I took them.

I put them on quickly, wanting their warmth. When I was done, I looked at Cass, trying to rub warmth into my arms. He moved forward, pulling me against him. He wrapped his arms around me. It was nice to have him this close. It had been too long.

"Are you okay?" He asked releasing me.

"I am. Thank you." I smiled at him.

He ran his fingers down my face before bringing his closer to mine again. This time he didn't stop as his lips met mine. They were gentle as he waited for me to respond. And I did…I kissed him back. Running my hands up and down his chest, I moved them to his face, kissing him deeply. When I moved away from him, there seemed to be hope in his eyes. It was wrong…but it had felt so right. I gave him a sad smile. He understood, nodding, leading me from the room.

"You need to go." I told him when we were outside.

"What?" He frowned at me.

"I can't lead you to them." I replied. "If the demons want her so bad then you must want her too."

"Evy." He said shaking his head.

"I know I'm right." I told him. "So, please, you need to go."

He continued to frown as he put his hand to my face, rubbing my cheek with his thumb. He nodded, kissing my forehead before he disappeared. I waited a few minutes before leaving, finding the nearest phone.

* * *

><p>When I walked through the door, I found Sam on the couch with a red eyed Anna, Ruby with crossed arms ready to run, and Dean who had his worried face on. He moved to me, taking me into his arms.<p>

"I'm okay." I told him.

"What happened?" Sam asked, standing.

"I woke up under Alastair's care." I told them. "He has the knife by the way."

"What?" Ruby frowned at me.

"Boys didn't tell you?" I frowned back.

"No." She said and eyed them.

"Well, he does. It hurts like a son of a bitch." I said, phantom pains moving through my body.

"He used it on you?" Dean asked angrily.

"Oh, yeah." I told him with raised brows. "But I managed to call for Cass. He came and got me out."

"He's just a boy wonder isn't he?" Dean replied.

"He saved me. Alastair wasn't going to let me out of there in one piece."

"You're lucky." Ruby told me.

"I know." I replied softly. "What's wrong with Anna?" I said changing the subject.

"I had to tell her about her parents." Sam told me.

Sighing, I walked over to her, sitting. Gently moving her hair behind her ear, I gave her a sympathetic look. "I am so sorry, Anna."

"Me too." She said as tears fell.

I put my arm around her, her face full of anguish. Only then her expression changed. I could tell she was listening to something.

"They're coming." She said as her panic grew.

The cabin started to rattle, pounding along the walls and roof, the lights flickering.

"Shit." I said and looked at Dean.

"Back room." Dean told Sam.

Sam grabbed Anna and took her to the back room. I grabbed my gun, checking the cartridge before holding it tightly, waiting as the sounds became louder. The boys and Ruby grabbed a gun and we faced the door.

"Well, it was nice knowing you." I grinned at Dean.

"So not funny right now." He frowned back.

"It was a little funny. Since it's probably true." Ruby told him.

"Thank you, Ruby." I smiled at her. She just smiled back.

"Can we focus on what's going on please?" Sam interjected.

"I guess." I said and we were silent as they neared.

The pounding continued as we stared at the door. When it finally burst open, there was no one there. We all frowned before we watched Cass and Uriel come through.

"Cass…" I said as I lowered my gun.

"Please tell me you're here to help. We've been having demon issues all day." Dean told him.

"I can see that." Uriel said looking at Ruby. "You want to explain why you have that stain in the room?"

"We're here for Anna." Cass told us.

"I knew it." I frowned at him.

"Here for her like "here for her"?" Dean said confused.

"Stop talking." Uriel told him authoritatively.

"Hey." I frowned at him.

"Give her to us." He said looking at me.

"Kiss my ass." I shot at him.

"Are you gonna help her?" Sam asked.

"No. She has to die." Cass told us.


	25. Yes, Your Grace Part II

_**Chapter Twenty-five: Yes, Your Grace Part II**_

We stood in shock. I knew that it was coming but hearing him say it was something completely different. She was an innocent girl. What was so threatening about her?

"Cass?" I frowned at him. He refused to meet my eyes.

"You want Anna? Why?" Sam frowned at them.

"Out of the way." Uriel said taking a couple steps forward.

"Whoa. Okay, I knew she's wiretapping your angel chats or whatever. But it's no reason to gank her." Dean frowned at him.

"Don't worry. I'll kill her gentle." Uriel grinned.

"Back off." I told him.

"You're some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?" Dean frowned at them.

"As a matter of fact, we are. And?" Cass frowned back. I just looked at him wide eyed.

"Where is all of this coming from?" I asked him quietly.

"Anna's an innocent girl." Sam shot at him.

"She is far from innocent." Cass replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked.

"It means she's worse than this abomination you've been screwing. Now, give us the girl." Uriel told him.

I watched Cass, seeing the guilt and torn expression on his face. He still refused to meet my eyes.

"Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate." Dean told the dark angel.

"Who's gonna stop us? You three? Or this demon whore?" Uriel grinned.

As he said it he grabbed Ruby, tossing her across the room. Pinning her, he brought his hand up to her, ready to kill her, only Dean went to her rescue. My eyes went to Cass, who was stepping toward Sam. Moving in front of him, I grabbed his jacket.

"Please, Cass, don't do this." I told him pleadingly. He put his hand on my face, his eyes sad and yet focused. "Don't." I said as he put his fingers to my forehead.

Opening my eyes, Dean was helping Ruby up as Sam slowly got to his feet.

"Where's Cass?" I asked.

"Come on." Dean said moving me toward the back room. Rushing thought it, all eyes turned to Anna. "Anna? Anna."

"Are they gone?" Anna asked, blood running from the gash on her arm.

"Did you kill them?" Dean asked.

"No. I sent them away. Far away." She replied.

"How?" I frowned at her, looking at the symbol on the mirror.

"That just popped in my head. I don't know how I did it. I just did it." She replied.

"What do you think?" Dean said looking at me and Sam.

"Anna's getting more interesting by the second." Sam told him.

I just shook my head and went into the other room. I tried to wrap my head around what happened. Why Cass would want to kill her.

"You okay?" Ruby asked.

"Not really." I told her.

"Anything I can do?"

"No." I said shaking my head. "I owe you an apology."

"For what?" She frowned at me.

"You're not as bad as I thought. You've done a lot to help us. I appreciate that."

"You're welcome." She smiled at me.

"We're leaving." Dean said leading Anna from the cabin.

Following last, I noticed Sam getting his own car. "What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna go look into a couple things." He told me.

"I'm going with you." I told him. "Dean, I'm going with Sam."

"Be careful." Dean told me gently.

"Love you." I smiled at him.

"Love you." He smiled and winked at me.

Getting in the car I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"You okay?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, just drive." I replied putting my elbow on the sill, resting my head in my hand.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the car, I waited for Sam to get back from his little investigation. I wasn't in the mood to fight through questions. I wasn't sure I wanted the answers. Cass wanted Anna. Dean and Sam wanted to protect her. Ruby as well. But…what made her far from innocent? What made Cass want to kill her? I trusted Cass. If there was something about her that made him want to kill her then I couldn't help but be torn. Again. I would protect her with Dean and Sam. She was sweet and she didn't deserve this, but it was hard not to wonder why.<p>

"You okay?" Sam asked getting in.

"Just thinking. What you got?" I asked him.

"This isn't her first psych break." Sam told me as he handed me the papers. "When she was 2 and a half, she'd get hysterical anytime her dad got close. She was convinced that he wasn't her real daddy."

"But he was." I frowned at him.

"I know. Anna never said who she thought he was. She just kept repeating that this real father of hers was mad. Very mad. Like wanted-to-kill-her mad."

"You're kidding."

"I wish. She saw a kid's shrink, got better and grew up normal." He said as he started the car.

"That doesn't make any sense. There has to be more to this." I frowned as I read through everything. It all was exactly like he said.

"A church deacon and a housewife." I frowned as I kept looking over and over again.

"Hoping something is going to pop out at you?" Sam asked as he watched me keep flipping.

"Something doesn't add up." I replied.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. But something isn't sitting well with me at all. If Cass wants her dead then she has to be more than just an angel radio. She has to be more important for some reason. She just has to be."

"You're not going to trust the facts?"

"Facts can be wrong." I told him. "They're wrong all the time. People can change things. They can make it so people believe what they want them to believe. She is hiding something." Pausing, I looked up at him. "I have a feeling it's nothing good."

* * *

><p>Sitting on the couch at Bobby's, I nursed my third beer. I still couldn't figure out what we might be missing. There had to be answers hidden between the lines. There had to be something that was staring at us that we hadn't noticed before.<p>

"There has to be something we're missing." I whispered to myself.

Pausing, I heard Sam filling Dean in on what we found. It was nothing special. Nothing that we didn't already know, or needed to know. Just because she didn't believe her father to be her real father, didn't mean anything.

"Or does it…?" I said and got up, pacing as I thought further.

Something was clicking. I froze momentarily before running from the room. Only, I didn't make it far as I walked into an argument.

"No, you're right, Anna. Is there anything you wanna tell us?" Sam asked her.

"About what?" Anna shot at him.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Instead of just asking me you all looked into me behind my back. Find anything interesting?"

"The angels said you were guilty of something. Why would they say that?" Sam asked her.

"You tell me. Tell me why my life has been leveled, why my parents are dead. I don't know. I swear, I would give anything to know." She said as her fear showed.

"Okay. Then let's find out." Sam told her.

"How?" Anna asked.

Frowning at my brother, I looked to Dean. He seemed to understand what he was thinking.

"Pamela." Sam told me.

Sighing, I shifted my feet. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" I asked. "After what's happened to her."

"She'll want to help." Dean told me.

"Okay." I told him.

"I'll go get her." He said and headed for the door. "You wanna come with me?"

"I'm gonna stay here." I told him.

"Everything okay?" He frowned.

"Yeah, I promise." I said and gripped his jacket, kissing him quickly. "Hurry back."

"Will do." He said kissing me again.

Once he was gone, Sam took Anna back down to the basement. The panic room was the safest place for her. And I needed to figure out if I was right or not. Standing, I left the house, running through the rows of cars. Moving to the back of the junkyard, I paced with my thumb nail in between my teeth. I was torn on whether I should go through with it or not. Pacing, moving everything through my head. I stopped when I recognized the car I was standing in front of. A smile graced my lips as I thought of Dean. We got re-engaged on top of the hood in front of me. That seemed so long ago now. Taking a deep breath, I looked to the sky, shutting my eyes.

"Cass. Cass, I need to ask you something." I said and looked at the car. "I think I figured it out."

"What are you thinking?" He asked as he appeared.

"She's an angel." I told him. He just looked at me. "I'm right, aren't I?"

"You don't need to know this." He replied.

"What does that mean, Cass?" I asked stepping up to him.

"It means that she's dangerous and that she needs to die. She knows too much. She's a betrayer. She turned her back on her father." He told me.

"You're angry." I stated. "She means something to you." The realization made a twinge of jealousy move through me.

He sighed, putting his hand on my face. He leaned in and kissed my forehead. It was as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. He had the slightest smile on his face. It was comforting and yet ridiculous that I needed to be comforted in the first place. Putting my hands on his arms, I leaned into him.

"You smell amazing." He whispered in my ear.

I smiled and looked at him playfully, "Thank you. You look amazing."

He smiled and put his forehead against mine. It was my turn to sigh as my hand moved to his face.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"For what?" I asked with a frown.

"For everything."

"Don't be sorry." I told him shaking my head. "I've loved every moment with you."

"We're doomed to always be just out of reach of each other." He practically whispered.

"It sucks." I smiled at him. "It's completely crazy. But I'm going to try my best to be loyal to Dean. But, like I've said before, I need you. I need you so much that it's probably unhealthy."

"I know the feeling." He said pushing my hair behind my ear. "I shouldn't be here."

"I'm glad you are though." I told him, my smile widening.

He put his arms around me. I did the same, running my hand down the back of his head. He buried his face in my neck. Holding him tightly, I breathed him in. As the seconds ticked by, the situation became more and more dangerous. His lips found my neck and I unconsciously tilted my head to give him better access. I gripped his hair as my other hand moved to his neck. Soon his lips were at my jaw line before coming to rest against my own.

"We can't do this." I whispered to him.

"I know." He replied as his hands became more urgent.

"Cass…" I said trying to make myself make him stop.

His hand moved under my shirt, it's warmth nice against my skin. He froze and kissed me deeply before he stepped away from me. We both stood there breathing heavily. I just looked at him before rushing to him, my lips meeting his again. We were locked in a passionate kiss before I pulled away, pacing away from him.

"I can't…" I said and shook my head at him. "I just wanted to know if I was right. I didn't mean for this…" I said but couldn't finish.

"I know." He told me.

"We can't…"

"I know."

"But…"

"I want it just as much as you do." He told me sadly.

"I still love you very much." I told him, my words dripping with despair.

"I love you too." He said stepping up to me, putting his hand on my face.

"But you know we can't." I told him slowly.

"I do." He said rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

For a moment I just looked at him. Then I laughed and shook my head. "We are in so much trouble."

He laughed with me, pulling me into another hug. Cass stayed with me until we heard the Impala coming back up the drive. He gently ran his fingers through my hair before he disappeared. Heaving a heavy sigh, I got off the all too familiar car hood, and made my way back to the house. Pamela was smart and talented enough to figure out what was going on. I just hoped that this whole thing turned out okay in the end.

"Evy!" Pamela exclaimed and turned as I walked up behind them.

"Pamela!" I said and jogged the short distance into her open arms. "It's so good to see you."

"Haven't heard from you for a while." She said in a scolding tone.

"I know. I'm sorry." I told her. "With everything that's been going on, keeping in touch hasn't been high on the list."

"Well, it should be." She said hitting my shoulder.

"I'll do better." I smiled at her.

"Come on, lead me to the others." She commanded, linking her arm with mine.

"We're here." Dean announced as we walked downstairs.

"Pamela. Hey." Sam said walking up to her.

"Sam. Sam?" She grinned.

"Yeah, it's me, Sam. Yeah?"

"Sam, is that you?"

"I'm right here." He said with his hands on her arms.

"Oh. Know how I can tell?" She said and grabbed his ass. "That perky little ass of yours. Bounce a nickel off that thing." She said and laughed. "Of course, I know it's you, Grumpy. Same way I know that's a demon and that poor girl's Anna. And that you've been eyeing my rack." I openly laughed and looked at Sam's shocked face as he mumbled. "Don't sweat it, kiddo. I still got more senses than most." She said and walked toward Anna. "Hey, Anna. How are you? I'm Pamela."

"Hi." Anna said shyly.

"Dean told me what's been going on. I'm excited to help." Pamela told her.

"Oh, that's nice of you." Anna smiled.

I grinned and shook my head at them. Knowing what Anna was didn't change the innocent look of her. The fact that she didn't know what she was. She didn't know what was going on and why. But something told me that by the time Pamela was done with her she would remember.

"Well, not really. Any chance I can dick over an angel, I'm taking it." Pamela told her.

My smile disappeared knowing that her white plastic eyes were because of Castiel. If only she had listened to him. If only she had just turned away when she had the chance.

"Why?" Anna asked.

"They stole something from me." She replied and showed Anna her eyes. "Demony, I know. But they're just plastic. Good for business. Makes me look extra-psychic, don't you think?" She said and laughed. Despite it all she still had a good sense of humor. "Now, how about you tell me what your deal is? Hmm? Don't you worry." She said leading the girl to the panic room cot. Anna laid down and Pamela took a seat in a chair next to her, her tone gentle. "Nice and relaxed. Now I'm going to count down from five to zero. When we're at zero, you'll be in a deep state of hypnosis. As I count down, just go deeper and deeper, okay? Five, four, three, two, one. Deep sleep. Deep sleep. Every muscle, calm and relaxed. Can you hear me?"

"I can hear you." Anna replied.

"Now, Anna, tell me how can you hear the angels? How did you work that spell?"

"I don't know. I just did."

"Your father, what his name?"

"Rich Milton."

"All right. But I want you to look further back when you were very young. Just a couple of years old."

"I don't wanna."

"It'll be okay, Anna. Just one look, that's all we need."

"No." There was a frown on her face. Anna was afraid.

This part was what I was interested in. I wanted to know what she was hiding and if she was going to tell us about her real father. The one that I already knew of. But to hear it come from her would be different.

"What's your dad's name? Your real dad. Why is he angry at you?"

"No. No." She said as she turned her head back and forth, her brow furrowed and her frown set. "No! No!"

"Calm down." Pamela said moving over her.

"No, he's gonna kill me!" Anna yelled.

"Anna? You're safe."

My breathing quickened as she became more and more agitated. She moved from lying to sitting, yelling and flailing. Looking at Ruby through the door, her expression seemed to mirror my own. Anna yelled out again and the door slammed in Ruby's face. I jumped out of the way, turning to the girl that was arching in fear as the lights started to burst, the electricity of them bouncing off the walls.

"Calm down. It's all right, Anna." Pamela said trying to calm her down.

Dean rushed forward to try and help. Pamela tried to stop him but Anna hit him, causing him to fly backward.

"Dean!" I yelled rushing to him.

"I'm okay." He said as I helped him up.

"Wake in one, two, three, four, five." Pamela said and Anna settled back against the pillow. "Anna? Anna?"

Anna sat up as she looked at all of us. Then she looked at Pamela. Her expression had changed completely. She wasn't the same Anna anymore. "Thank you, Pamela. That helped a lot. I remember now."

"Remember what?" Sam frowned.

"Who I am." She replied.

"I'll bite. Who are you?" Dean asked with a raised brow.

"I'm an angel." She told him.


	26. Yes, Your Grace Part III

_**Chapter Twenty-six: Yes, Your Grace Part III **_

Sitting in the kitchen, everyone still held a slightly shocked looked. Pamela, especially, was anything but warming to her. Now that she knew Anna was an angel, I couldn't blame her for wanting to keep her distance. Gently biting my thumbnail, I stood in the back, pacing as I took in everyone's reactions.

"You knew." Ruby said quietly as she stepped next to me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her coolly.

"You aren't reacting like them." She stated. "You knew."

Looking at her, I knew I couldn't hide anything from her. "Yes."

"How?" She asked.

"Later." I told her and stepped next to Dean.

"Don't be afraid. I'm not like the others." Anna told us.

"I don't find that very reassuring." Ruby said moving next to Sam.

"Neither do I." Pamela said from the middle of us.

"So, Castiel, Uriel, they're the ones that came for me?" Anna said pacing in front of us.

"You know them?" Dean asked.

"We were kind of in the same foxhole."

"So, what were they, like, your bosses or something?"

"Try the other way around." She smiled smugly.

"You're kidding." I frowned at her.

"But now they wanna kill you?" Pamela asked.

"Orders are orders. I'm sure I have a death sentence on my head." Anna replied.

"Why?" I asked.

"I disobeyed…which, for us, is about the worst thing you can do. I fell."

"Meaning?" Dean frowned.

Pamela replied for her, "She fell to Earth. Became human."

"Wait a minute, I don't understand. Angels can just become human?" Sam asked.

"Kind of hurts. Try cutting your kidney out with a butter knife. That kind of hurt. I ripped out my grace." Anna replied.

"Hmph." I said and started pacing again. I had a feeling that my biased opinion of Cass was going to get in the way.

"Come again?" Dean asked.

"My grace. It's energy. Hacked it out and fell. My mother, Amy, couldn't get pregnant. Always called me her little miracle. She had no idea how right she was." Anna explained.

"So you just forgot that you were God's little Power Ranger?" Dean frowned at her.

"The older I got, the longer I was human, yeah."

Ruby piped up, her fear showing through. "I don't think you appreciate how completely screwed we are."

Anna paused before agreeing. "Ruby's right. Heaven wants me dead."

"And Hell just wants her. A flesh and blood angel that you can question, torture, that bleeds. Sister, you're the Stanley Cup. And sooner or later, heaven or Hell, they're gonna find you." Ruby stated.

"I know. And that's why I'm gonna get it back." Anna stated with confidence.

"Get what back?" I frowned at her.

"My grace."

"You can do that?" Dean asked.

"If I can find it."

Seeing an opening, I decided to take my leave, I was afraid of saying something I shouldn't. "I'm gonna take a walk." I told Dean.

"You okay?" He asked gently.

Nodding, I kissed his temple before leaving. Taking a deep breath, I walked to the Impala, running my fingers down its hood.

"Have you been talking to Cass?" Ruby said startling me.

"Yeah." I told her, leaning against the car.

"How do you do it?" She asked leaning next to me.

"Do what?" I frowned at her.

"Love two men." She replied.

I smiled at her, "Loving them is the easy part. It's making up my damn mind that's the hard part."

"You picked Dean, didn't you?" She asked.

"I did. I'm trying to." I frowned. "But when Cass is near I can't help but be drawn to him. I fell for him while Dean was in Hell. Sorting out all these feelings is like pulling teeth. Or maybe my _grace._" I said with a hint of disdain.

"You don't like her any more than I do." She smiled.

"What about you though? You and Sam?" I asked. She just looked at me. "A demon who loves a hunter. We make a strange pair." I smiled at her.

"You've got that right." She smiled back. "And you're not so bad either."

Laughing, I nudged her. We stood there in silence. Content with not being inside with the rouge angel who kept looking at my husband with flirting eyes.

"Hey, you okay?" Dean said coming out.

"I'll go see what Sam's doing." Ruby said walking away.

"I'm fine." I smiled at him.

"Are you sure? You don't seem to interested on anything that's going on in there." He frowned leaning against his car with me.

"It's not that. It's just…" I paused and looked at him. "I don't know."

"It's Cass isn't it?" He asked. "I know how you feel about him, but he might be wrong here."

"I know." I told him looking at my feet.

"But you're still going to side with him. Let her die because he said she has to." He stated.

"No, I'm not." I frowned at him. "No matter my personal feelings, I am not going to willingly hand her over to be slaughtered. I have my own opinions."

"So, what are you thinking then?" He asked.

"I'm thinking that this whole thing reeks of something foul." I told him. "If the other angels want her dead, she can't be as innocent as she seems. She fell. She became human. But if the only thing she did wrong was disobey, then Cass is well on his way to the chopping block."

"And that worries you." He stated.

"Of course it does. He's my friend. Yours too."

"He is." Dean said putting his arm around me. "I care about him too you know."

"I know." I smiled and kissed him sweetly. Taking his hand in mine, I leaned against him. "I know."

* * *

><p>After everything that had been going on, I took another leave from everyone, retreating to the out of doors. We had tracked a possible location for Anna's grace. In Union, Kentucky. In 1985 where a full grown oak appeared that looked to be at least a century old. It was in the same area where a meteor had hit. Being Anna's grace, she confirmed that it could have done something like that. Pure creation. Mulling it all over, I held my phone to my lips waiting for it to ring. Once it finally did, it barely got a full ring out before I answered it.<p>

"What took you so long?" I asked.

"I was busy." Bobby replied. "I got all seven of your messages. What's going on? Checking up on your dog? Because he's fine. Since you just dropped him off without explanation. Thinking he'll be good for me to keep me company?"

"I do actually." I told him. "But that's not why I'm calling. I know he's fine and that you're taking good care of him. That's not why I've been calling."

"Then what's up?"

Filling him in on everything, I tried to keep it straightforward without adding too many of my own opinions just yet.

"Did Cass explain himself?" He asked.

"Not really." I replied. "Just that she knows things and is dangerous. I'm not sure how true that is. Turns out that Anna was his boss when she was still an angel."

"I see." He replied.

"And not only that but I'm not sure that making her an angel again is the best thing. I know she's wanted on both sides but still…there has to be something else. What if we make it worse by helping her get her grace?" I asked, my unease spilling through the phone.

"I know you're worried, Evy. But the boys know what they're doing. If they think it's the next step then I'm not going to argue with them." He replied.

"What if they're wrong?"

"Then you'll be there to remind them of it." He smiled. I sighed. "But listen, I can't tell you any more than what you already know. You'll figure out what to do. I trust your judgment."

"You do?" I asked skeptically.

"Yes, I do." He told me.

"Thank you." I smiled.

"Now go help the boys." He said and hung up.

When I returned to the house everyone was standing at the car. Sighing, I walked up to Dean.

"We're ready to go." He said putting his hand on my face.

Putting my hands on his chest, leaning into him, I kissed him deeply. "I love you."

He smiled sweetly at me, kissing me again. "Love you too."

* * *

><p>"It's beautiful." Dean said quietly.<p>

We stood and looked at the large oak. It really was beautiful. It was the most beautiful tree I had ever seen.

"It's breathtaking." I added and smiled at him.

He took my hand, squeezing it.

"It's where the grace touched down. I can feel it." Anna told us.

"You ready to do this?" Dean asked her.

"Not really." She smiled at him.

We walked up to the tree. Reaching out I touched the bark. It really was an extraordinary tree. An angel's grace did this. I thought of Cass, wishing he were here. Smiling, I turned and looked at Dean. My smile widened and I sighed.

"Anna, what are we even looking for?" Sam asked.

"It doesn't matter." She said touching the tree. "It's not here. Not anymore. Someone took it."

"What do we do now?" I asked.

Without another option at this point we found shelter in an old barn. We had no way of finding Anna's grace. Without it, both sides would be after us still. But we were back at the beginning.

"We still got the hex bags. I say we head back to the panic room." Dean told us.

"What, forever?" Ruby asked.

"I'm just thinking out loud." Dean frowned at her.

"Oh, you call that thinking?" Ruby shot at him.

"Guys." I said with my fingertips against my forehead.

"Hey, hey. Stop it." Sam said coming into the room.

"Anna's grace is gone, you understand? She can't angel up and protect us. We can't fight heaven and Hell. One side, maybe, but not both. Not at once." Ruby told him.

"Guys, guys, the angels are talking again."

"What are they saying?" Dean asked.

"It's weird. Like a recording. A loop." She said looking off in the distance as she listened. "It says: "Dean Winchester gives us Anna by midnight, or…" She stopped and looked at Dean.

"Or what?" He asked, worry entering his words.

""Or we hurl him back to damnation."" She finished.

"No." I said and gripped Dean's arm. He wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Anna, do you know of any weapon that works on an angel?" Sam asked her.

"To what? To kill them? Nothing we could get to. Not right now." She replied.

"Okay, wait. I say we call Bobby, we get him back from Hedonism…" He said looking at his brother.

"Dean, what's he gonna tell us that we don't already know?" Sam told him.

"I don't know. But we gotta think of something." Dean told him.

"He's right though." I told Dean. "Bobby can't help us."

Moving toward the door, Dean grabbed my hand. "Where are you going?"

"Here…" I said handing him my hex bag. "Hold on to this for me."

"What are you doing?" He frowned at me.

"Someone needs to do something." I told him.

"You can't." He told me. "He'll know where we are."

"I'll take a drive." I told him.

"Evy, it's not a good idea. What if Uriel is with him?" Sam asked.

"Guys, we have nothing to go on right now. You two think of something to do and I'm going to go try and talk to Cass. If Uriel is there then…I'll deal with him."

"Be careful." Dean told me, rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

"Kiss me." I smiled at him. He stepped closer to me, kissing me deeply. "Good boy." I smirked at him. He smiled and kissed me again. "Take care of him." I told Sam. "I'll be back well before midnight."

Taking one of Bobby's cars, I started to drive. It didn't matter what direction I went. I just had to get far enough away to avoid giving away where the others are. I drove to North Carolina. It was far enough away from the others but close enough to help if I needed it. Moving through the back roads until I found a deserted road, the trees branches winding toward each other over the road, moss hanging from them. I loved the trees down here. Leaning against the car, I tried to think of what I was going to say to him. I hardly had a chance to think of him when he appeared next to me.

"Things…aren't going as planned." He told me.

"I'm not going to tell you where they are." I stated.

"I know." He replied.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked him. "I don't know which way is up about all this. You want her. The demons want her. We're just going to get ourselves killed by protecting her."

"I won't let that happen." He told me. "I'll protect you."

"All of us?" I asked.

"Yes." He said without hesitation. "All of you."

Sighing, I leaned against him. "Why does she need to die?"

"She disobeyed. We've been ordered to kill her. I don't need to know any more than that."

"Why not?" I asked him. "Don't you ever ask why?"

"No." He replied.

"Cass, what do you want me to do?" I asked him.

"I know you'll do whatever you think is right in the end." He smiled. I smiled back at him. "It's weird." He said, frowning now.

"What is?" I asked.

"This feeling of being torn in two." He said and looked at me.

"I know." I said taking his hand. "I'm with you on that one. I'm trying to be open minded here. But because I know you, I feel like I should hand her over without question. I trust you. I believe you. It's just that the others don't. Not in the same way." I told him, frowning.

"I understand." He said, his free hand moving the hair that had fallen into face. "But I'm not going to ask you to give her up."

"But what are we supposed to do? We're protected for now but we can't hide behind hex bags forever. Or in Bobby's panic room. How are we going to run from you and Uriel and a demon like Alastair?"

"You'll figure it out." He told me.

* * *

><p>It was reckless. It was stupid. It was our last chance.<p>

Sam had fallen asleep. Dean was outside with Anna. I stood in the next room, thinking about what we're going to do. I promised Dean that I would work with them on this. No matter what happened, I would stand behind him. But I was scared. For more than myself, or my husband, or my brother, or even Ruby. I was scared for the angel. I was still thinking about it when I saw Ruby slip out the door. Frowning, I followed her. She walked into the woods, and kept walking. Following at a safe distance, we were a good ways in before she stopped. Taking her hex bag from her pocket I watched as she set it on fire. It burned colors on the ground before it turned to ash. It was only seconds later that Alastair's voice was heard.

"Hello, Ruby." He smiled at her.

"Alastair." She replied.

"I have to say…I'm surprised to find you out in the open like this." He told her, keeping his distance.

"Yeah? Desperate times."

"That they are. You looking for this?" He asked holding up the knife. "Your gawky human friend gave it to me."

"Keep it. I just came to talk." She told him.

"About what? About how a demon is protecting an angel? We really must revoke your membership." Alastair smiled at her.

"Look, I know I'm not employee of the month. But this? I never wanted to get in the middle of this." Ruby told him.

She was convincing, I'd give her that. My stomach turned at I watched. This could go either way very fast.

"Why are you here, Ruby?" He asked.

See?

"I'll give you the angel." Ruby told him.

"Will you? And in return?" Alastair asked her. He was taking the bait.

"I walk away. Me and the Winchester's, all of them." She told him. This was when my stomach lurched. This was the answer I was waiting for. "This angel business, it's none of our business."

"Hmm. You know, I'd always heard that you were a devious, cowardly little slut. You don't disappoint." Alastair told her.

"So, what do you say?"

"It's interesting. Prudent." He said as two of his henchmen grabbed her from behind. "But…let me make you…a counteroffer." He didn't say more. They simply disappeared with their quarry.

"Shit." I said walking to where they had stood.

Dropping to the ground I took out the small bowl and the ingredients that I would need. Speaking Latin as I poured everything in, cutting my hand so I could add my blood, I finished the incantation before feeling its affects. Seeing where she was in my head. Being involved with an angel had its perks. Destroying what was in front of me I stood and set out. I knew exactly where she was. Whether she asked for it or not, I was going to back her sorry little ass up.

When I finally reached the warehouse, I sighed. I hated warehouses. Nothing good ever came from them. Slipping through a broken window, I followed the screams, finding her in the same position that I had been in at the beginning of all of this. Her muffled screams erupted in the room as he sliced her with the knife. I knew exactly what that felt like. Remembering it, I could still feel the pain. Soon Alastair's voice drifted to me.

"You know the problem with your generation? Instant gratification. It's all now, now, now. No patience, no craftsmanship. But I do have to say, this knife of yours…it's an exquisite piece. You must tell me where you found it." He told her before cutting her again. Watching him made me think of Dean. He told me what happened in Hell. He told me what it was like. He hadn't mentioned Alastair but now it seemed to make sense. This is what Dean looked like in Hell. Torturing souls. "You know, I haven't been up here since Poland, '43. Truth is, I loathe it. It's chilly. No stink of blood or sizzle of flesh. Or the wet flap of flayed skin. I don't know how you stand it. So the sooner you cooperate, the sooner I can finish up with this ghastly angel business and return home to my studies. But no rush. Let's take our time. Relish the moment." He said and cut her some more. Her muffled screams intensifying. "Now, I'm going to remove this but don't go smoking out of that meat. You won't get very far. Now you tell me where that angel is." He told her.

"No." She told him.

"This is taking too long, Ruby." I whispered aloud.

"No?" Alastair asked her with raised brows.

"No. I tell you…you kill me." She told him and took a few breaths. "But I'll show you."

This was it. It was time to go. Before they got started I let myself back out and made a run for my car a half mile down the road. Racing back to the barn I hoped I would make it in time. When the barn came in sight the weather was already shifting, telling me that the angels were close.

"Cass…" I said as I skidded to a halt as he and Uriel move toward the barn.

He stopped and looked at me. His eyes were sad. He simply nodded at me before turning away, going back toward the barn. Following behind him, I quickly moved around him, going to Dean's side. He put his arm around me.

"Hello, Anna. It's good to see you." Cass told her.

"How? How did you find us?" Sam asked him.

Cass looked at Dean. I looked up at him, frowning.

"Dean?" Sam frowned at his brother.

"I'm sorry." He told Anna.

"Why?" Sam asked.

"Because they gave him a choice." Anna replied for him. "They either kill me or kill you. I know how their minds work." She said and turned to Dean, kissing him. Frowning at her and then him. "You did the best you could. I forgive you." She told him. I gripped him tighter, irked. She turned back to Cass. "Okay, no more tricks. No more running. I'm ready."

"I'm sorry." Cass told her.

"No. You're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling." She told him.

"Yes he does." I frowned at her.

"Still, we have a history. It's just…" He told her.

"Orders are orders. I know. Just make it quick." She told him.

Just then there was noise from behind us.

"Don't you touch a hair on that poor girl's head." Alastair told him.

With the presence of the demons, it meant it was time for us to all move aside. It was their fight now. They would destroy each other before they thought about us again.

"How dare you come in this room…you pussing sore?" Uriel shot at the demon.

"Name-calling? That hurt my feelings. You sanctimonious, fanatical prick." Alastair replied.

"Turn around and walk away now." Cass told him.

Alastair just smiled at him, "Sure. Just give us the girl. We'll make sure she gets punished good and proper."

Cass frowned at him, "You know who we are and what we will do. I won't say it again. Leave now or we lay you to waste."

"Think I'll take my chances." The demon replied.

The fight was on. Uriel put down too of the demons, killing them with ease. Cass went after Alastair. After taking blows on both sides, Cass gripped Alastair, putting his hand to his forehead to exorcise him.

"Sorry, kiddo. Why don't you go run to Daddy?" The demon laughed before grabbing Cass by the throat.

Speaking Latin the demon tried to banish Cass. Rushing forward, I launched myself onto Alastair's back. He dropped Cass but easily threw me off of his back. He turned and looked down at me. From behind, Dean hit him across the back with a crowbar.

"Dean, Dean, Dean. I am so disappointed. You had such promise." Alastair told him.

He started to beat Dean. Getting to my feet, I tried to help, but a good backhand put me back on the ground, tasting blood as well as feeling it start to slide down my temple. Sam too went to help but Alastair was far better than us. Cass pulled me to my feet and moved me away from all of the fighting.

"No! I have to help them!" I told him as he pushed me against the wall.

"No!" He said with his hands on my arms. "Stay away from the fighting."

"Cass…" I said meeting his eyes.

"I will not allow you to get hurt." He told me.

Putting my hand on his face, I gently caressed it with my thumb. "It's not your job to keep me safe." I whispered to him before trying to pull away from him.

"Yes it is!" He practically yelled at me, pushing me back. He slammed his hand on the barn wall.

"Stop it." I told him as I listened to the fighting continue. "Just stop."

"I can't." He told me. "It is my job. It is."

"Cass…" I said putting my other hand on his face.

"Evy…" He said putting his forehead to mine. "Please…"

It was then that Anna's voice was heard above everyone else's.

"Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes!" She yelled.

Looking over Cass's shoulder I saw her. She was glowing. Cass glanced at her before pressing his body against mine. He forced my face into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. I gripped Cass as Anna screamed. The room shook and even through Cass's shoulder I could tell there was a bright light. When it went dark again, Cass released me. I still gripped him as I took in what happened with wide eyes.

"Her grace…" I said and looked at Cass.

"Yes." He said and put his hand on my lower back, leading me back to the others.

I watched as Dean picked up the knife. We had it back.

"What are you waiting for? Aren't you gonna go get Anna? Unless, of course, you're scared." Dean shot at the angels.

"This isn't over." Uriel told him.

"It looks over to me, junk-less." Dean shot at him.

Cass looked at me before he and Uriel disappeared.

"You okay?" Sam asked Ruby.

"Not so much." She replied.

"You did well." I smiled at her.

"What took you so long to get here?" Dean asked her.

"Sorry I'm late with the demon delivery. I was only being tortured." She shot back at him.

"Well, I gotta hand it to you, Sammy. Bringing them all together, all at once…angels and demons? It's a damn good plan." Dean told his brother.

"Yeah, well, when you got Godzilla and Mothra on your ass…best to let them fight." Sam smiled at him.

"Now you're just bragging." Dean smiled.

"So I guess she's some big-time angel now, huh? She must be happy…wherever she is."

"I doubt it." Dean told him.

"I'm with Dean." I said and looked around the barn.

* * *

><p>Dean had asked for some alone time with his brother. He was finally going to tell him what happened in Hell. Without me there it would be easier on him. He didn't need me crying with him as he tried to tell him what he did. I was okay with that. I didn't want to hear it again. Walking into the field next to the road I sat down, nursing my beer, already feeling the tears as I thought of what Dean was about to do. How Sam was going to take it. He would be supportive. He wouldn't judge his brother.<p>

"Are you okay?" Cass asked as he appeared in front of me.

"No." I replied as he sat in front of me.

"What's happening?" He asked, looking at the boys behind me.

"Dean is telling Sam what happened in Hell." I told him, drinking my beer. Cass looked at me sadly. I just nodded at him. "Sometimes I wish everything would just end." Cass put his hand on my knee. Shaking my head I looked at him. "And at this rate that will be the one wish that comes true."


	27. Dead Ends

_**Chapter Twenty-seven: Dead Ends**_

Wiping the blood from the blade, I faced the demon before me. She was tied to a chair, glaring at me with all her might. Above her was a devils trap, keeping her from getting away from me. Placing the knife with the row of others, I turned back to her.

"Should we start from the beginning?" I asked her.

"I don't know where she is." The demon told me.

"And I'm pretty sure I told you that I didn't believe you."

"You don't have to, but it's still true." She shot at me.

Picking up a knife with a short blade I placed it under her chin. "Where is Lilith?" I asked her through gritted teeth.

"I don't know." She told me again.

Putting force behind it, I stabbing the knife into her side. She yelled in pain but just laughed at me.

"You know, you're being awfully inconsiderate of this meat suits condition." She grinned at me.

"They're shallow wounds. As long as you haven't thrown her out a window she still has a shot." I told her, pushing the knife into her once again.

Even after trying several different things, the demon told me nothing. She knew nothing of the seals or of Lilith. Which was disappointing, and in the end I exorcised her. The girl she had been possessing was still alive. After dropping her off at the hospital, I returned to the boys, parking the stolen car where I had found it. Sighing, I got out of the car, holding the door open for Windsor. Pulling my shoulder bag out of the back, I slowly made my way to the room.

"What are you doing?"

Jumping, I spun to see Cass standing there.

"Castiel." I said just looking at him. "It's been weeks."

"You've been busy." He stated.

"I've been trying to help." I retorted.

"By going off on your own?" He frowned.

"I'm never alone." I said and stroked Windsor's head.

"That's not funny." He told me.

"I'm not laughing." I said and turned back toward the room.

"Evy." He said sternly.

Stopping, I sighed before turning back to him. "What is it, Cass? I'm tired. I've been working all night."

"And what have you learned?" He asked stepping up to me.

"Nothing, just like I thought I would. But someday I'm going to find someone who knows something." I told him.

"This isn't the way." He told me.

"The way?" I frowned, walking to the picnic table. "Did I mention I was tired?"

"This isn't going to help." He stated.

"Well, it's something." I replied. "We haven't found anything yet. We have no idea where Lilith is or what the next seal is going to be." I shook my head, looking at nothing. "We're losing."

"Not yet." He said sitting on the bench in front of me.

"Most of the time I don't know what to do. Doing this…it makes me feel like I'm contributing. That I'm helpful." I told him, feeling as useless as I had since the beginning of all this.

"Are you using any demonic powers?" He asked me, uneasiness in his voice.

I frowned at him as anger bubbled. "No." I told him. "God, no!" I tried to move away from him but he put his hands on my knees, keeping me in place.

"I'm sorry." He told me. "I just needed to make sure."

"I understand." I told him sighing again.

"We're going to stop Lilith." He told me as he wrapped his arms around my knees. "It's going to be okay."

"I'm scared, Cass." I said putting my hands on the sides of his head. "All the time."

He took a deep breath as he put his hand on my face, bringing mine closer to his. He placed a long kiss against my forehead.

"I'll protect you." He whispered to me.

"I'm not the only one who needs to be protected." I told him.

"I'll protect the boys as well." He told me.

"What about you?" I asked, gripping his hair in my hands.

"I have you." He said in such a low whisper I almost didn't hear him.

"Don't say things like that. You can't say things like that." I told him as my eyes filled with tears.

"I love you." He told me with a small smile.

"I love you too." I replied running my fingers down his face. "I will protect you."

Windsor whined from next to us. We looked at him, both of us rubbing one of his ears. "We also have him." Cass smiled and looked at me.

Nodding, I smiled at him. He wrapped his arms around my waist. Wrapping mine around his neck and shoulders, I rested my cheek on the top of his head.

* * *

><p>Hearing the subtle sound of the music, I fell asleep against the window. I hadn't slept in days. We were on a two day drive. It would be plenty of time for me to rest. Or so I thought…<p>

_Opening my eyes I lay on a bed of white down. It was so comfortable I just wanted to fall asleep again. Closing my eyes, I smiled as I drifted to a deep sleep. Then I felt the bed shift and a hand moved across my stomach. I recognized the touch. My hand moved over his, lacing my fingers with his._

"_What are you doing here?" I asked with my eyes still shut._

_He pressed his body against mine. My heartbeat started to race as my body reacted to him._

"_You shouldn't be here." I told him as I rolled over, meeting his eyes._

"_I know." He said caressing my face._

"_I guess you're the man of my dreams." I smiled at him, laughing lightly._

"_I am." He said and put his lips against mine._

_My lips formed to his as my hand moved to the back of his head, keeping his face against mine. My other hand ran down his bare chest as he gripped me, turning me even further, laying me underneath him. As my hands moved down his body, my fingers met bare skin as far as I could reach. I was already naked; having him lying on top of me was too heavy a temptation. His lips moved to my neck as his hands moved down my body. His fingers found my sweet spot, causing me to arch against him in pleasure. Letting out a moan, he did the same, as our lips never ceased against each other's bodies. Soon his hands were at my breasts and my face, feeling him move inside of me. I couldn't help the smile that came to my face. Making love to him made all the bad go away. Made everything seem okay. He made my body feel joy I hadn't felt for quite some time. For a moment I felt pure happiness._

"_Thank you." He told me when we were done._

"_For what?" I asked him with furrowed brows._

"_For this." He replied as he trailed his fingers back and forth across my chest._

"_You're thanking me for sex?" I smiled at him._

"_Before you I never would have known what that meant." He frowned at me._

"_Cass…" I said putting my hand on his face. "You never…" I said and paused. "Not once?"_

"_Not once." He replied._

"_No wonder you're in love with me. I showed you sex. That's all you want." I told him teasingly, only part of me jumped to that conclusion._

"_No." He said caressing my face. "I want you. Just you. You're all I'll ever want."_

_My smile faltered and I kissed him tenderly. "You shouldn't say things like that."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because then I'll start to believe it."_

"_You can."_

"_No, I can't." I told him as my eyes welled with tears. I was sick of playing this game. It was torture._

"_I know that you made your decision. But if ever you change your mind I am here. Even if it's just like this." He told me as he ran his fingers through my hair._

"_Okay." I replied as the tears ran from the corners of my eyes._

_He kissed me passionately and repeatedly before he lay next to me, holding me tightly against him. We were facing each other, his arms warm and right around me. I wrapped one arm around him, my other pinned between us, my hand high enough so I could run my fingers along his jaw line._

"_I love you so much." He said resting his forehead against mine. "I also care for Dean and Sam. You three are my closest friends. I would do anything for you. You know that, right?"_

"_Of course I do." I told him. "The same goes for you too."_

"_I know. But you must remember that I am not as fragile as you are." He told me almost scolding._

"_I'm not as fragile as you think." I smiled at him._

"_Yes you are." He smiled back. "Now sleep."_

"_Okay." I told him, resting my head against his chest._

Slowly opening my eyes, I sat up, looking outside, the sky dark and the stars shining.

"Morning." Dean told me.

"Hey." I smiled at him.

"You were dead to the world." He stated.

"Sorry. I haven't been sleeping well." I told him.

"I know. You've been absent in bed the past few nights." He told me with a slight edge to his voice.

"I'm sorry, baby." I said and took his hand. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Are you okay?" He asked me with raised brows.

"I'm fine." I smiled at him. "Just fine."

He held my hand tight as we drove. Even with a perfect recollection of my restarting affair, I was Dean's. During my waking hours I was his. I wished the same could be said for my dreaming ones.

* * *

><p>Once again I stood in a shabby little shack on the outskirts of town. It never took long to find one. He sat tied to a chair, below the devils trap, same as all the others. Unscrewing the bottle, I gripped his jaw, forcing his mouth open as I poured the holy water down his throat. He yelled in pain, making a smile cross my lips. Grabbing the blade from the back of my pants, I thrust it into his abdomen. I had already seen this man survive more than any man should. He was dead no matter what I did to him. This way he would die fast rather than slowly.<p>

"Tell me what I want to know and I might let you live." I told him.

"You just won't give up will you?" He asked me, breathing hard.

"Never." I told him as I poured more holy water down his throat. Windsor snorted from behind me.

"Do you honestly think…" He paused to catch his breath, "that they tell us anything? They know that you hunters will attempt to get information. How stupid do you think we are?"

"More than you think." I told him and started to chant.

Once he was exorcised I took the body and burned him out back. Once it was done, I drove back to the latest motel, returning the car from where I got it. Walking back to the room, I walked in to see both boys sitting at the table, drink in hand.

"Hey." I told them as I dropped my bag with my other things.

"Where were you?" Dean asked.

"Out." I told him.

"You're a mess." Sam stated.

"I am. I'm going to go take a shower." I told them.

"Evy." Dean said standing, blocking my way. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." I told him. "I just can't sleep is all."

"I don't believe you." He replied.

"What do you think I'm doing?" I frowned at him. He didn't say anything, but there was something in his look. "I'm not going to Cass, if that's what you're trying to ask."

"I didn't…it's just…" He started but stopped.

"You did." I nodded at him. "I can tell."

Walking around him, I went into the bathroom and shut the door. A second later he slipped inside. I just looked at him before starting to get undressed. He moved to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Are we okay?" He asked.

"Of course." I said turning enough to look at him. "Of course we are."

He kissed me, our tongues touching. Turning fully in his arms, I kissed him till my lips were sore.

"Wanna shower with me?" I smiled at him.

"Yeah." He said giving me his half smile.

Laughing, I kissed him again before starting to undress him.

* * *

><p>Windsor's frantic barking was the sound that I woke up too. It started out quiet but quickly grew louder. When I finally opened my eyes I was surrounded. One grabbed me, picking me up before tossing me like a rag doll. Windsor whined as he was grabbed by the scruff by one of the demons. Managing to get to my feet, I faced my enemies.<p>

"You've been a topic of discussion lately." One told me. I just glared at him. "You've been rather busy."

"Your point?" I asked.

"You've tortured and killed many of us. Everywhere you go you leave a trail a mile wide in your wake." He said stepping toward me.

"Then I guess I'm doing a good job." I frowned at him.

He just hit me, sending me to the ground again. Looking up at him I wiped the blood from my lip. He looked back before he kicked me hard in the stomach repeatedly. He grabbed me by my cheeks, glaring at me as his eyes turned black.

"It's our turn." He told me through gritted teeth.

From my pocket I gripped a handful of salt. Grabbing him by the back of his head I thrust it into his mouth, gripping him tightly as he fell backward, bringing me with him. There was a small shock in his body before I moved my hand, the demon moving out of his body. I looked at the others before grabbing my gun that had been knocked to the ground. Shooting them with rock salt I managed to free Windsor. They were quick to retaliate. This wasn't the way it was supposed to end. I wasn't about to let them kill me now. Taking deep breaths, I built up as much energy as I could, waiting for them to charge. Once they did, I used what was left of my ammo before pulling the knife from its holster on my calf. I stabbed anyone that came near me. Windsor tore at them, his angry growls and barks filling the air as he attacked. I slashed at one as it forced me to the ground. I had cut at him, the blood spilling over my face as he fought against me. Taking deep breaths, I panicked as some of the blood slid down my throat.

He noticed. "Did you like that, little girl?" He grinned, shoving the cut against my mouth. The blood filled my mouth. Attempted to spit it out, the force with which he held me made it impossible. The warm liquid flowed down my throat. "Drink it up, bitch!"

Fighting against him, he just laughed as he got the upper hand on me. Panic turned to fear of what was going to happen. Building it all up inside of me I put all my energy into pushing him off of me. Just when I thought it impossible he flew off of me. Standing, I wiped the blood from my mouth before looking at them. They charged again, only I held up my hand and they stopped. They all glanced at each other before taking a few more steps. Putting up my other hand I imagined them being forced back and so they were. I had watched Sam do this once before. In a desperate attempt to save my own skin I shut my eyes, willing to pull the demons out. The pain was agonizing. Dropping to my knees I watched as black started to billow out of their mouths. Unsure of what to expect I made sure to keep my focus. I could feel the blood running from my nose, pain erupting all through my body. It seemed to take forever as the billowing stopped, the black smoke swirling on the floor. Willing them to Hell, they smoldered and were gone.

Feeling a new wave of exhaustion and panic, I fell to all fours. Windsor whined and dropped to his stomach at my side, licked my face. Looking at him I pulled him against me, sobbing into his coat. Before me were all bodies. Their lives had been stolen and now they were nothing more than an empty demon shell. Letting the dog go, I moved to the corner of the small room, bringing my knees up to my body, hugging them tightly as I shook from what I had done. I had told myself that I would never use the power that Azazel's blood had given me. I would never stoop to that level of desperation. I had only felt the power of the blood once before. But I had fought it back. Not letting it take me. But alone…and scared…and in pain…I had used it. I had tasted the blood and used the power. Disgusted with myself, I shut my eyes, so angry at myself that if I had a weapon in my hands I'd end myself now.

"Sam…" I said and started to cry into my knees.

* * *

><p>Sitting against the wall, I shuddered. It was inside of me. My body had had a taste of what it could do and now it was as if there was a craving for it. But I would not yield to it. It was a one-time thing. I would never let it happen again. All I had wanted was to help and now I had gotten myself into even deeper trouble. I had been careless. Even though I thought I had been careful enough to grab them without being seen, you get rid of the bodies so there was no trace. Something always fell through the cracks. Something was always left behind. A puzzle piece that would lead them one by one to what they seek.<p>

Windsor whined, resting his head in my lap as I waited for the blood to leave my system. I was unaware of how much actually went down but it was enough to give me the power I never wanted. Even though I had felt strong when it happened, it was dangerous, and it was never to happen again. Tears ran from my eyes and I dealt with my guilt and pain from what I had done. I should have tried to save those people. Not kill them. I should have done more. But most of all, I shouldn't have tried to do this on my own. It was too big for me. I should have asked for help. All I wanted was to show them that I could do it. That I could help and be of use without them having to worry about me. Turned out that I was wrong…as usual…

When I finally got to my feet, my body ached with the pain. I was still wounded and after sitting for several hours, my body was perfectly happy reminding me of my stupidity. Windsor walked with his side against my leg. Moving from person to person, I checked to make sure that they were dead. I hadn't had the strength before. Even if there was one that was alive, they would probably have died by now.

Rolling a man over, he groaned, slowly opening his eyes.

"Holy shit, you're alive." I said and looked at him. "Hey, hey, can you hear me?" I asked him.

"What happened?" He asked as he opened his eyes, his hand moving to his head.

"What do you remember?" I asked.

"I was going to meet my girlfriend…when there was this black smoke. I vaguely remember bits and pieces of something but I don't really remember." He told me trying to sit up.

"Take your time." I told him, sitting back on my heels as I helped him.

He nodded and looked around the room, his eyes growing wide before he shot up, crawling over bodies before stopping at the side of a pretty blond.

"Abby…" He said running his hand down her hair. "Oh, God, Abigail."

My heart broke as I watched him. "Is she your girlfriend?" I asked.

He nodded as I watched tears drop from his eyes onto her pale skin. He leaned down, putting his cheek against hers. "She's breathing." He said and looked at me. "She's breathing!"

I shot up and went to them, looking her over. She was hurt badly. "Here…" I said handing him the car keys from my pocket. "My car is outside. Get her out of here and to the hospital. Take a left at the end of the driveway. The town is just five miles down the road. It's small and there are signs." I told him. "Go, go now."

He nodded and picked her up, carrying her from the house. I listened as he got into the car and sped off. A small amount of good did come from it. It calmed me a little, knowing that someone was saved from all of this. I could see why Sam had wanted to start. Despite the bad, there was a good sense in what he did, what _I_ did. But still…I never wanted to do it again.

Going out back, I found a shovel in the shed and started to dig a very big hole. It took several more hours to make it wide and deep enough, needing to rest every so often, and my body still weak and wounded. Windsor helped at best he could, making me even more grateful for the dog. The sun had already gone down when I started to drag the bodies from the house, rolling them into the hole one at a time. Even though I felt guilty every time. These people had people. Ones that knew and loved them. Rubbing my shirt over my tattoo, I was thankful for it, knowing that I would never have to suffer an end like this.

When the bodies were buried, I started the walk back to town. When I reached my hotel, the Impala was parked outside of it. Running to the room, unlocking the door, I threw it open to see Dean standing there while Sam was on his computer.

"Dean." I said and went to him wrapping my arms around his neck. He hugged me tightly, even though I knew he was mad.

Taking my face in his hands, he kissed me. "Hey." Smiling, I ran my hand down his face. "Are you okay?" He asked me.

"I'll be okay." I smiled.

Dean helped me get cleaned up and helped me tend to my wounds. I gave a brief explanation about what happened. Dean yelled at me for a while. Telling me that I shouldn't have gone alone, no matter my intentions. I agreed and promised I wouldn't go anywhere alone anymore. Not demon hunting anyway. I hadn't found out anything anyway. When we turned in for the night, I kept Sam awake, waiting for Dean to fall sleep. I needed to talk to Sam and I couldn't talk to him about what happened while Dean was awake. I didn't want Dean to know what I had done. It wouldn't happen again but I needed Sam to know. I needed him to tell me how to control it.

When Dean's heavy breathing was heard, I looked at Sam, nodding toward the door. He followed me as we slipped outside. Walking to the picnic table that was always near, I sat atop it, taking a deep breath. Sam sat next to me with that worried look on his face. Even when he wasn't trying to be he still looked worried. I rested my elbows on my knees, not wanting to say it out loud, yet needing to so much, all at the same time. He knew something was up. He wasn't stupid. He waited patiently for me to be ready to say what it was that I needed to say. Windsor played with the leaves that were blowing across the grass. At least he was happy. He still had some puppy left in him.

"I've done it, Sam." I finally told him, hoping he'd understand what I was talking about.

"What happened?" He asked, his tone telling me that he did.

"I was fighting for my life. It was either them or me. I was slicing at the demon while it stood over me. I cut every part that was close to me. The blood came spilling out. Just as before, I immediately felt the difference when the blood touched my lips. My body reacted to it. The demon noticed and without knowing that he shouldn't, he forced me to drink his blood." I told him and paused. "I felt whatever power it is building inside of me. Wanting to survive I tapped into it, forcing the demons away from me and away from Windsor. Then I thought of you and your power. I had no idea how to use it. I just thought really hard about what I wanted to do and…somehow…it happened."

"You exorcised them?" Sam asked. I nodded. "All of them?" I nodded again. "And this was your first time?" Nodding, I looked at him. "It took me months to get it right." I frowned as a shudder moved through me. "You're stronger than me."

"Don't say that." I said shaking my head. "Don't you dare, Sam." He just looked at me. "I'm never going to use it again. It was a dire situation that I will attempt to not repeat again anytime soon. It was an accident."

"Maybe it was just the adrenaline that helped push it. You were panicked. That's why it worked as well as it did." He told me reassuringly.

"God I hope so." I replied. "All I care about is what to do if it should ever happen again. As soon as I used the power…I felt a craving." I told him barely above a whisper. "How do I control that?" I said and looked at him.

"Just say 'no'." He smiled at me.

I gave a short laugh, "That's it?"

"That's it." He smiled. "Just say 'no'."

"I'm still afraid, Sam." He pulled me against his side. "All the time."

"Me too." He said and leaned his head against mine. "But we'll be okay. All of us."

"I wish I knew how it all's going to end. I'm running out of hope." I told him sadly.

"I'll help you find it." He smiled at me.

"Thank you, Sam."

"I love you." He said and caught my eyes.

"I love you too." I smiled and hugged him tightly.

Going back inside, we both turned in for the night. Crawling in next to Dean, I slowly moved against him, making him unconsciously place his arm around me. Pressing my body against his side, I rested my head on his chest, my fingers trailing up and down his chest as I shut my eyes. Sleep took it's time in taking me, but I felt content with the warmth of Dean, and the sound of his breathing. Finally falling asleep, I felt both better and worse about my life. Hoping that someday I might make just a little bit of sense out of this crazy world.


	28. Death Becomes Her

_**Chapter Twenty-eight: Death Becomes Her**_

The wind was cool as it moved over my sun heated skin. Barking sounded behind me as the flowers shifted all around me. But then there were flashes. My heaven blinked in and out of sight. Cooper was off in the distance. I saw him coming. I wanted to be with him, see him again. But then the yellow flowers started to disappear and instead of heaven, I was standing in the middle of a dreary room. It was an old house that had broken down over the years. There were holes in the walls and windows. Leaves littering the floor amongst broken furniture and splinters of wood and glass. I felt myself flicker. Looking around, I saw Dean leaning over my body. He was crying, the tears streaming down his face. Sam had his fist to his lips as his hand gripped my ankle, tears running down his face as well. Bobby stood in the corner with a similar look, only he wasn't looking at me, he was looking off to the side as if he were afraid to see. Windsor lay at Dean's feet, his head resting on his shoe. Taking a few steps forward, I took in the sight of my own body. It was not the first time I'd had to experience this, but this was far worse than almost being dead. This was death. Only I hadn't moved on. Something was keeping me here. If it were my unconscious need to stay than I wished I hadn't been so unconsciously stubborn about it. My body was dirty and bloody. I was pale and cold looking. Yet there was a look of peace on my face. Almost like I had expected it. Racking my brain I tried to remember what had happened. I knew, there had been a fight with a knife, an angel, I knew, but at the moment I was still in shock over the sight in front of me. Not wanting to remember what happened. Falling back, I moved to the wall, sliding down it as the weight of it all crashed down on me in an instant. Zachariah's face appeared in my mind in flashes as I remembered what he did to me. Remembered what it meant. He held power over me, over my body. I was branded. He had unwillingly made his mark on my bones. Even Cass…

"_Cass…_" I said and looked up at the sound of his arrival.

No one was aware of my presence, not yet. Now I watched as the angel took in the scene. At first he simply moved to my side, placing his fingers against my forehead. Nothing happened. His brows furrowed and he tried again with the same results. He then placed his hand on my chest, closing his eyes, his brows furrowed as he concentrated on bringing me back from the dead. But nothing happened. Dean, Sam, and Bobby looked at him with hope before that fell away to grief.

"I can't." He said as he looked at Dean.

"Why not?" Dean shot at him. "Why every time but this one?"

"I don't know." He said and turned to my body, putting his arm through my skin.

Putting my hand on my chest, I couldn't feel the pain that my body would be feeling if I were still in it.

"Zachariah…" He said and disappeared.

Feeling the need to be with him, I thought hard of Cass and I was there. He was yelling for Zachariah in an old fashioned room that looked of royalty, color schemes of cream and gold. He was screaming for him before he slid against the wall. For the first time I saw tears slide down his cheeks. He put his face in his hands and I heard his quiet sobs as he cried. I had rarely felt more agony then I did in this moment. Rushing to him, I knelt putting my hands over his. His head jerked up and he frowned at me.

"Evy…" He said and put his hand up to my cheek.

Feeling his warm hand against my cold cheek made tears well in my eyes. "_Cass…_" I whispered doing the same.

His tears seemed to intensify as he attempted to grip me tighter, but I was little more than a hard form. I was no substance. I just was. I cried with him as he looked at me.

"_It's okay._" I told him. He shook his head. "_Yes, it is. We're going to figure this out._"

Just as the words were out, there was a pulling on my chest. I yelled out and he looked at me with fear in his eyes. Breathing hard, I looked at him before a pain erupted as if my bones were on fire. He reached for me but I was pulled away from him. My body flickered in and out as I once again looked over the field of yellow wildflowers. I was in heaven again. Looking around suspiciously, I saw a figure in the distance. Dipping my head, glaring up through my furrowed brows, I watched as Zachariah grinned as he slowly walked toward me. The sky turned dark as the sun disappeared, and clouds rolled in. Thunder roared and lighting shot down. I was aiming for him, hoping the bolts would hit him. He simply smiled as he continued toward me. I stopped the lighting and thunder, realizing the futileness of it, but it stayed dark and dreary as he finally reached me.

"Whatever you did to me, undo it." I demanded from him.

"Now, now, don't get too hasty." He smiled at me. "After all, you're mine now."

"In your dreams asshole." I shot at him and turned away.

"Stop." He told me casually.

"Even if you put a claim on my bones, that doesn't mean I'm yours. I belong to Dean." I told him as I kept walking. The tree was only a few yards away.

"And what of Castiel?" He smiled. "I thought you belonged to him."

"As far as angels go…yes." I told him.

"You have a nice heaven." He stated as he followed me.

"You sound far too happy." I told him. From around the tree, my house came into view.

"I feel that I have won a small victory." He said with that stupid smile on his face. "Cass can't bring you back you know. I'm the only one who can."

"You can't control me." I told me.

"No?" He said and cocked his head.

"No." I replied coldly and disappeared. Looking around, I was in the room from before.

"Evy." Cass said rushing to me.

"_You have to take the branding off my bones._" I told him.

"I don't think I can." He replied.

"_You have to._" I said putting my hands on the sides of his head.

"You're cold." He stated, taking them in his. "So cold."

The look on his face made my heart break. "_Please, you have to concentrate._"

"Your body…" He said frowning.

"_Where is it?_" I asked.

"Dean took it back to Bobby's." He said staring at my hands.

"_Castiel, baby, look at me._" I said trying to meet his eyes. He finally looked up, his eyes sad. Remembering his tears, it took all of me not to cry right now. "_All is not lost._" I told him. "_But I need you to help figure out how to convince Zachariah to take his bond off of my bones. If he doesn't…I'll stay dead. I don't want to stay dead._"

"I'll find a way." He said and disappeared.

I stood in the room only a short while longer before thinking about Dean. I flickered momentarily before appearing in Bobby's living room. There was commotion downstairs. Moving toward the noise, I heard arguing.

"She's dead, Sammy!" Dean was yelling at his brother. "And you don't want to do _anything_ about that?"

"It's not that, Dean." Sam told him sadly. "But Cass couldn't raise her and I'm not going to let you do anything stupid to bring her back. We'll figure something out."

"Like what, huh?" Dean glared at his brother.

Looking past them, Bobby was sitting next to the cot where my body lay, holding my hand. His face was tear stained. He looked so depressed. I watched as his breathing accelerated before he shot out of the chair and rushed toward the boys. He put a hand on each of their chests and shoved them apart.

"That's enough!" He yelled and looked between them. "What's the matter with you two? She's dead! And you!" He said jabbing his finger at Dean. "Are too eager to join her! And you!" He said turning to Sam. "Are putting too much stock in those _damn_ angels!" He said and turned back into the room. "She's like a daughter to me and both of you aren't doing a damn thing to make this better!"

"What do you want us to do then, Bobby?" Dean asked him. "I can't leave her like that."

"Castiel won't let her stay like that." Sam added. "We have to give him a chance to fix this."

"_He's right._" I said finally stepping forward. They all jumped before they turned and looked at me as I stepped from the shadows. "_Hey, guys._" I said with a small smile.

"Evy…" Dean said stepping up to me.

"_Hey, baby._" I said and put my hand on his chest.

"How?" Sam said stepping next to his brother.

"_I don't know._" I told him. "_I was in heaven briefly but I didn't stay. I don't understand it. Pretty sure Zachariah has something to do with it._"

"That son of a bitch." Dean said pacing away from me.

Bobby stepped up to me. He still held that pained look on his face.

"_Hi._" I told him sadly.

"Can I…?" He said and opened his arms.

"_No. I'm not quite that corporeal._" I told him, putting my hand on his face. "_The small stuff I can do._" His eyes welled with tears. "_Don't do that._" I said shaking my head at him. "_Please._"

"What are we gonna do?" He asked.

"_Cass is working on it._" I told him.

"You saw him?" Dean asked.

"_Yeah, he was the first person I thought of when I realized what had happened. I thought he'd be able to help but apparently he can't bring me back._" I told him.

"Yeah, he tried." Dean told me.

"Then he freaked out and left." Sam added.

"_He wasn't exactly in the best shape when I saw him._" I said sitting on the steps.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked sitting next to me.

"_I don't know._" I told him. "_Zachariah seems to think he holds all the cards now. That because he controls my body that he's won against you all._"

"You talked to him." Bobby asked.

"_Yeah._" I said and nodded. "_It wasn't anything exciting._"

"Where is he?" Dean asked.

"_He was in my heaven._" I stated. "_He's probably still there, waiting for me to come back._"

"Don't go." Sam told me. "If you go there might not be any coming back."

"_I know._" I told him solemnly.

"What are we gonna do?" Dean asked me again.

"_I don't know. I don't have all the answers._" I told him with furrowed brows.

"Do you remember what happened?" Sam asked me.

Lowering my head, I went through it all. I had been walking to the car when I had been taken. Woken up in the room where I had found Cass. Zachariah had been there…images flashed in my mind…

"_Why did you bring me here?" I asked him._

"_To make you a deal." He stated._

"_I don't make deals with the devil." I replied._

"_Oh, maybe not him. But I can give you something you want."_

"_And what is that?"_

"_The safety of your men. And not only the Winchesters or Singer. I also mean Castiel. He's well on his way to being in the same position as Anna. But I'll keep him safe if you do something for me."_

"Evy?"

Coming back from the memory I looked at Dean. "_Sorry._"

"I take that as a yes." Sam stated.

"_Parts._" I replied. "_I wouldn't do what he wanted. This punishes all._" I told them.

"What did he want you to do?" Bobby asked me.

For a moment I just looked at him, about to reply, when the sound of an angel's arrival entered the room.

"Evy."

"_Cass._" I said and stood.

"Evelyn."

"_Uriel._" I said coldly as he came from the shadow. "_What are you doing here?_"

"Castiel has asked for my help." He told me.

"_Why would you help him?_" I frowned.

"I haven't decided if I will." He replied. "The grayish look suits you well."

I was about to retort when Cass grabbed his throat, slamming him against the wall. His face angry and pained. "_This was a mistake._" He said and disappeared with Uriel.

"_Cass!_" I called out before running my fingers through my hair, sitting back down on the steps. "_This is so screwed up_."

"What does it feel like?" Dean asked me.

"_I feel like me. Only I flicker and can be wherever I want to be in a matter of seconds. I just have to think hard enough about it._" I said and looked at him. "_But I can't really do anything. I'm not angry enough and I don't know why I don't just move on. Even after I'm in heaven Zachariah will still be able to raise me. Or Cass if I'm freed. Maybe you should burn me. If I'm ash then maybe the bond will be broken._"

"You've got to be kidding me." Dean said angrily and stood, pacing at the bottom of the steps.

"_I'm just trying to think of options._" I told him.

"We're not going there." He told me.

"_Fine._" I said and stood.

I thought of Cass and felt myself flicker before the basement disappeared. Now I stood in a dark alley, it was foggy from the morning dew. Walking down it, I discovered Cass lying on the ground. Rushing to him, I put my hand on his face.

"_Cass…_" I said and he furrowed his brows. He looked at me before closing his eyes again. "_Are you okay?_" I asked as I ran my hand down his hair. He didn't look at me. "_Castiel._"

"I'm not enough." He stated.

"_What are you talking about?_" I frowned at him.

"Zachariah won't relinquish his hold."

"_Then I'll have to do what he asked of me._" I whispered to him.

"No." He said and moved to his hands and knees.

"_He will protect you if only I do what he asks of me._" I told him as tears slid down my cheeks.

"No." He said again and disappeared.

"_Cass!_" I yelled but he didn't return.

* * *

><p>Sitting at my kitchen table in heaven, Zachariah sat across from me. There was no other way than this. If I simply said 'yes' then it would all be over. The others would be safe, even if I wasn't going to be able to be with them.<p>

"You've made your decision." He stated. I nodded at him. "Good. Shall we begin then?"

I was about to nod when my heaven started to shake. There was whispering amongst the thundering sound as the shaking intensified. Zachariah stood and looked up. His face told me that something was happening. He was hearing something that I couldn't. The whispers were too low for me to make out. He appeared angry, trying to speak but it seemed that he was shot down every time. Finally, when the shaking stopped he looked at me, anger written across his face. Then he disappeared. Thinking of my body, I returned to the basement. Zachariah stood over me before placing his hand in my chest. I felt this pain, screaming as I opened my eyes in my body, the pain more than I could bear. When he finally stopped, I looked up at him with wide eyes.

"It appears that you have more of a role than I thought." He told me coldly. "We'll see before the end."

With that he disappeared and I was once again whole. Dean rushed to me, pulling me up into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him. He held me tightly as I shook against him. Soon Sam and Bobby were there as well.

Still on the cot, Windsor next to me, with a blanket wrapped around us, I told them what had happened. Though it was little that they didn't already know.

"What did he mean?" Dean asked.

"I don't know." I replied. "I really don't know."

"What part do any of us have to play?" Sam asked.

"I'm thinking more than any of us thought." I replied. "But figuring that out would be like pulling teeth from an angel…impossible."

"Evy…" Cass said appearing in the room.

Looking at him, I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes. "Hi." I told him with a broken voice.

"You are…" He said glancing at Dean. "Okay?"

"Yes, thank you." I told him. "I don't know what you did but it worked."

"I didn't do anything." He replied.

"What?" I frowned at him.

"Something happened and I can't explain it." He stated.

I nodded at him. "Either way…I'm alive again…"

"Did you see Mom or Dad?" Sam asked.

"Not this time. It was brief. I heard Cooper but that was it." I told him. Windsor moved his head to my lap. Kissing the top of his head I looked at my men. "Thank you anyway. All of you."

A silence fell amongst us. The whole thing happened so fast and we had learned nothing. I never learned what Zachariah wanted me to do or who had spoken to him to release me. There were so many questions and no answers. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I didn't want to know. I didn't want the answers. The only thing that mattered was that I was alive. Everything else was just background noise. I hated that the deeper we got into this the less we understood. Despite whatever role we had to play, this was much, much bigger than any of us had expected. Even with Cass, our eyes to the workings of the angels, we knew little more than we had when we started. Just when we thought we'd discovered something about them something else happened to invalidate it. Seals continued to be broken and if we didn't do something then the devil would soon walk amongst us.


	29. Sanctuary

_**Chapter Twenty-nine: Sanctuary**_

For the first time in what felt like forever, we took a few days to just relax. To take a step back and try to remember why we wanted to save this Godforsaken planet. It took all of me not to throw in the towel and say screw it. If all this pain and heartache was what I was going to be looking forward to than let it end. I didn't want it anymore.

Sitting in the hot tub of our hotel I was happily relaxing. Even smiling as the jets moved against my muscles. Soon there were footsteps and I looked up to see Dean walking toward me. Smiling as he slid into the water, sighing with contentment. I bit my lower lip as I looked at him. He raised a brow as he grabbed my ankle, pulling me over to him. Straddling his lap, I took his head in my hands, kissing him deeply. His hands moved up and down my body, squeezing me in all the right parts. Our lips continued to move against each other as I pressed myself against him. His hands moved from my waist to the bottom of my swimsuit, gently pulling them off of me. Running my hands down his chest, into the water, I grabbed his hand, putting them where I wanted them. I took the pleasures he gave me as I gave him my own. Taking him in my hands, I massaged him, feeling him harden in my hands. My lips moved from his lips, to his neck, then to his shoulder. Gently biting his shoulder to stifle the moan that wanted to erupt from my throat. Soon his hands were around me, mine around him, as he moved inside of me. Grinning, we breathed heavily, our mouths touching. I rocked against him as we both moaned happily. I leaned my head back, happy feelings moving through me, I looked back at Dean, kissing him passionately. When we climaxed, I couldn't help the yell that erupted from me, my mind dizzy with pleasure. Smiling, I put my forehead against his. It was then that a small crumpling sound caught my ears. Looking up, I noticed a small boy with goggles on his head and a towel over his arm, staring at us while he enjoyed a bag of chips. I immediately blushed and looked back at Dean.

"We have a peeping tom on our hands." I whispered to him.

He looked over his shoulder before cursing as he looked back at me. Moving off of him, I found my bottoms floating in the bubbles, putting them on before I turned to face the boy once more.

"Hi." I smiled as I rested my arms on the side of the hot tub. "How long have you been standing there?" I asked him.

"What were you doing?" He asked.

"Just playing a game." I told him.

"Oh." He said and ate another chip.

It was then that his mother came in. "There you are. I thought I told you to wait for me." She told him.

"Sorry." He said finally looking away from me and up at his mother.

"I hope he wasn't disturbing you." She smiled at me.

"Of course not." I smiled back, turning back to Dean.

We waited for the splash and happy shrieks from the boy before we looked at each other and laughed. Deciding that it was a good time to leave, we returned to the room. Finding Sam gone, we ordered in food and tried to find something to watch as we cuddled on the bed, happy that it was quiet.

* * *

><p>Waking up, I rolled over, ready to go back to sleep, before shooting up, staring at the end of the bed. Cass was standing at the edge with a dark look on his face. Quickly getting up, I grabbed his hand, dragging him into the bathroom.<p>

"What are you doing here?" I asked him softly.

He grabbed my arm and in the next second we were standing in a field of green. There were sparse trees around. Turning, I saw a middle-aged man happily flying a kite. The look on his face was of pure joy. Turning back to Cass, he was walking away from me. Even looking at his back, I knew that he was angry. Crossing my arms, I waited for him to say something. When he finally turned to me, he looked hurt. He was looking at me in an almost disgusted sort of way.

"What is it?" I finally asked him.

"What have you done?" He asked.

A pit fell in my stomach. "What do you mean?" I replied even though I knew what he meant. He just shook his head and turned away from me again. "Cass…" I said reaching out for him.

"How could you?" He said his tone coated with pain.

"I didn't mean to." I replied, my words small.

He moved to me quickly, grabbing my arms hard, jerking me. "Do you know what this means?"

"Cass...stop." I said putting my hands on his chest, pushing slightly.

"This means that they want to stop you too." He told me with another jerk.

"I'm not going to do it again." I told him, now fighting against his arms. "It was something that just happened. I didn't have a choice."

"You did." He said tightening his grip. "You could have called me."

"There wasn't time." I replied.

He finally released me, shoving me slightly away from him. My hand moved to my arm. Both were painful where his grip had been. He paced away from me, his anger flaring. He stopped and watched the man with the kite. It seemed like he hadn't even noticed that we were there. Cass looked at me again and his face softened.

"I'm sorry." I told him. He nodded and disappeared. "Cass!" I yelled but he was gone. "Oh, come on! Cass! Castiel!"

He didn't return. Turning to the man, I walked up to him. He really didn't care that I was there. I tried talking to him but he simply flew his kite, happy in the moment. Moving across the field, I sat down and watched him, the giddy smile on his face at the never ending wind that took the kite.

"I'm sorry, Cass." I finally told the air after, what felt like, hours had passed. "I didn't mean to hurt you. There are so many things in my life that I didn't mean to happen. But they did."

There was a crack of lightening and the boys appeared in the field.

"Dean." I said going to him.

"What's going on?" He frowned at me.

"I'm in trouble." I told him crossing my arms.

"Why? What happened?" He asked.

"Well, you see…" I said and paused. "I sort of tapped into something and now the angels don't like me much."

"What did you do?" He said frowning harder.

"I did what Sam did." I said quickly. He just gawked at me. "It was out of necessity and lack of time. There was nothing else I could so. I didn't have a choice." I added trying to make him understand. "Say something."

"You said you were never going to use your demonic powers." He frowned at me.

"And I never planned too. But things happened and I needed to defend myself. It was an instinct. An impulse. I didn't mean for it to happen." I told him.

"Dean, go easy on her. It's something that just happens. It's in her blood." Sam said stepping up to me.

"But Cass is angry and worried. He brought us here and I don't know what he has planned." I said still keeping my eyes on Dean.

"They don't know." Cass said reappearing.

"What?" I asked, turning to him.

"The other angels are too preoccupied to notice your slipup." He told me.

Relief filled me but Cass's hard expression still left me on edge. His eyes stayed on me, straying only long enough to send the boys back, before turning to me again.

"I'm so sorry." I told him shaking my head. "You know I never meant to tap into those powers. I never wanted to use them. It just happened. I can't take it back but I can give you my word that it won't happen again."

"You don't know that." He replied.

"You know me." I told him, my conviction in that faltering. He didn't say anything. "Cass…please…say something."

"What do you want me to say?" He asked, a depressed look coming to his face.

I just looked at him, not sure of an answer. This felt very familiar. Like something Dean had said after he found out I had slept with Cass. Only having Castiel look at me like that was twice as bad. My body hurt with the weight of his stare. I didn't know what he was thinking. Wanting to go to him but not knowing if I should.

"Fine." I finally said, nodding at him. "Hate me if you want. But I can't rely on you for everything. I can take care of myself. I did what I needed to do at the time. Do I plan on repeating it? No. But I'm alive because I took it into my own hands and came out on top. Sometimes bad things happen and there is nothing you can do about it."

"You could have done something about it!" He yelled, stepping up to me, his face only inches from mine. "You didn't have to resort to that!"

"Yes I did!" I yelled back. "It wasn't planned but things got out of hand and I had to deal with it."

"Things are _always_ getting out of hand with you!" He stated, pacing away from me.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I frowned at him.

"You're _always_ in trouble and you _always_ need someone to help you get out of it." He shot at me.

"That is _not_ true!" I yelled at him. "I took care of this myself and I didn't need any of you _men _there to help. I did everything _on my own_!"

"And you needed demonic powers to do it." He said coldly.

"It's not like you're the most innocent person." I said crossing my arms. "You've been around a lot longer than I have. I'm sure you've done worse. If you haven't then it's only a matter of time. We are facing the end of the world. You're bound to fall off your pedestal at some point here." My tone was cold toward him. He didn't say anything. "Will you send me back now?"

He simply looked at me before quickly reaching out his hand and sent me back. When the hotel room came into view, the brothers were standing there with confused and curious looks on their faces. I simply looked at them before going to the bathroom, slamming the door, shoving the lock in place. I didn't need to answer their questions right now. Sam already knew and I knew how Dean reacted to Sam, knowing that I would receive the same treatment.

It was like a betrayal to him. Dean would forgive me, but this was a blow for him. What made it worse was the fact that Cass seemed to loathe me now. He didn't even want to look at me. I understood his pain and his worry. But I was strong enough to control myself. I wasn't going to go off the deep end and lose myself in the blackness of what I did. Sam had lost himself. He had listened to a demon and had gone dark side. Dean brought him back. The mere presence of his brother was enough to pull him back from the brink of destruction. I knew that I could expect the same. Only I didn't need it. I was more than capable of controlling everything in my life. I didn't need the men to fix me or to help me. I was a strong capable woman and nothing was going to change that.

* * *

><p>Days had passed and I was anything but hopeful. Everyone had been overly quiet and I had yet to even feel Cass's presence. Even now, alone in a church, it felt louder than when I was with people. The sounds around me were normal for how old the building was. The small groans and creeks made it homey. I needed to find a place to get away from everyone and everything. It might have been a little unorthodox but it was the only place I could find peace.<p>

The only light was from the prayer candles at the sides and back of the church. Every once in a while a nun or priest would wander through, unnoticing me sitting in the shadows. My journal was in my lap as I finished my detailed entry. Throwing it to the side when I was done, it fell open as I rubbed the frustration from my face. Leaning my head back, I thought about what happened, feeling through the span of brain to try and pinpoint the part that controlled the demonic gifts. Feeling something different, I pushed through the barrier that contained it. There was an odd sensation before terror flowed through me and I was left gasping as my eyes flew open. I had found it. Moving back into my mind I fortified in any possible way that moved through my mind. Even after I felt like I had blocked it in the dark corners of my mind, I was left shaking. Tears filled my eyes and I looked to the side as I ran my fingers through my hair. My fingers paused as Cass's face looked up at me. Taking a deep breath, I leaned back, looking at the oversized cross behind the altar.

"God?" I said and paused. "I'm not sure how much you actually listen but…I'm asking…_praying_…for your help. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to expect and I'm hurting everybody I care about." I said and paused as I waited for some sign. "I'm lost." I whispered lowering my head as tears fell. "I need direction. I need your help."

Not expecting a response in any way, the church remained as silent as it had before I had spoken. Sighing, I let the tears continue to fall. Life had taken such a depressing turn. Things were not looking up. Just when I thought a little bit of happiness could be had something always came bubbling up.

"I'm so sorry." I said aloud, barely above a whisper. "I'm just so sorry."

Sobs started to rack my frame as I fell to the side, curling up into a ball on the cold floor, falling asleep after a time.

* * *

><p>Waking to a soft touch on my arm, I opened my eyes to see a man, on the far end of middle-aged, smiling at me. Sitting up, I rubbed the dried tears and sleep from my eyes.<p>

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"Don't be." He replied. "Is everything okay?"

I was going to lie and say 'yes' but the tears started again and I simply shook my head as the tears ran down my cheeks again. The priest sat next to me, putting his arm around me. I leaned into him without thinking, taking in his unbiased comfort.

"Would you like to confide in me?" He asked when I had finally calmed down.

Looking at him, I nodded, and delved into the story of my life. He listened intently as I told him all I could without giving anything away. I didn't want to end up on the psych ward and I didn't think he'd believe me if I started talking about demons and angels. Even if he believed in both of them.

When I was done, I sat there taking a series of deep breaths, as he sat with his head against the wall. He seemed to be pondering what I had told him. When he finally looked at me, there was something on his face that I recognized but couldn't place.

He stood and put his hand out to me saying, "Come with me."

Putting my hand in his, he helped me up, before leading me across the church and through a side door. We walked through several smaller rooms. Some with people, most unoccupied. We went into a study and he moved to the stone wall, shoving a slab of it to the side, showing a set of stairs. He motioned for me to go through. Looking at him momentarily, I went through the opening and started down the stairs. As I descended, I heard the wall close above me, before footsteps echoed behind me. Reaching the bottom, there was a long tunnel, light showing at the end. He moved past me, leading me down it and into the open room. There were priests and nuns sitting at tables, looking at books or writing things down. There were newspapers littering the tables as a busy silence filled the air. On the largest wall of the room there were clippings and pictures, red string being strung, connecting things with each one. It was what my wall looked like.

"What's going on here?" I asked as I took it all in.

"Everyone, look who I found." He said as all eyes moved to me.

My stomach dropped as fear started to fill my veins. "I don't understand." I said looking at the priest.

"I'm Father Tom." He told me. "We've been hearing whispers of you for quite some time."

"From who? Who do you think I am?" I frowned at him.

"You will bear our next savior, Evy Connors." He beamed at me.

"Excuse me?" I questioned with arched brows. "First of all, it's Winchester. Second, I don't think so."

"It will come to pass." He said and handed me a ring with a symbol I didn't recognize on it.

"What is this for?" I asked.

"This will get you help whenever you need it. If ever you need help find a church and show them this ring. The symbol will get you anything you need, whether it be food, shelter, or anything else you may be in need of." Father Tom replied.

"I don't understand." I frowned, trying to wrap my head about all of this. "I came here by pure chance. How do you know who I am?"

"The angels." A kind-faced nun smiled at me. "There are whispers everywhere."

"Do they know you can hear them?" I frowned, now worried for them. If they were anything like Anna, then they were all in trouble.

"We don't think so." Another priest told me.

"Then I suggest you keep it that way." I replied dropping into a seat. "This is unbelievable."

"We are happy to learn that Lilith has not yet attempted to kill you." An elderly nun told me.

"You know about Lilith too?" I asked dumbstruck.

"There is always a flurry of activity." She smiled at me.

I just looked at her before I realized how lucky I had just gotten. "Do you know anything about the seals?" I asked with renewed hope.


	30. Lucky Break

_**Chapter Thirty: Lucky Break**_

Awestruck, dumbstruck, flabbergasted…none could express the shock I was feeling right now. I had accidentally stumbled upon the biggest break of our lives. Only it wasn't exactly news that I wanted to hear.

"Are you sure?" I asked Father Tom.

"We are one-hundred percent sure." He replied. "We've double checked every one of them to what we have heard. They are getting close. The angels are losing."

"Thirty-four down. Thirty-two to go." I said quietly and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Do not be discouraged." Sister Frances, the older nun, told me.

"We have more faith in you than most." Sister Lucy, a younger nun told me.

"I'm not sure you should." I frowned at them. "We've been fighting all year and nothing has helped us. We have _no_ idea which seals they'll go after. Lilith has always been one step ahead of us. How are we supposed to fight when we don't know where to go?"

"Have faith." Sister Frances told me.

"Enough about faith!" I said standing, starting to pace the room. "I've had faith!" I yelled at them. "But God isn't listening anymore. He doesn't care. If the angels are losing than why won't he help? My life is hanging on by a thread and we have nothing, I repeat _nothing_, to go on!" I yelled before finally stopping my pacing and looking at them with crossed arms. Everyone was just looking at me, a smile on all their faces. "What?" I finally demanded from them.

"You will make us proud." Sister Lucy told me.

Exasperated, I took a seat again. "How many of you can hear the angels?"

Father Tom looked pleased as he replied, "All of us."

"All of you?" I replied shocked. "How is that possible?"

"We are from all across the country. Over the past several years we have positioned ourselves here so we might work together."

"The last person I met who could hear the angels used to be an angel herself. How is it that all of you can hear them?" I asked, trying to understand.

Father Tom came and sat next to me, folding his hands as he organized his thoughts. "It is said…" He started but paused. "That many years ago, an angel entered a church and blessed a priest and his nuns with the ability to hear them. No one knows who he was, or his reasoning behind his gift, but the descendants of those select people can continue to hear the thoughts of the angels." He paused and let the information sink in. I didn't say anything so he continued. "We think that the angel thought a moment like this might come and that the ability to hear what's going on would help save our race before we are destroyed."

Nodding, I took a deep breath. "This is impossible." I said and rested my head in my hands. "What have you heard of Castiel?" I asked, suddenly wanting to know.

"He has found a great love." Father Tom told me. I felt my face flush. "It is not ideal but he will never love another like he loves her."

"You mean me." I stated softly.

"It is no secret up there of his affections. Most think it unwise, especially those who are against him, but the angels who back him are more than pleased and support him in all of his decisions." He told me.

"Meaning?" I asked.

"You are very much protected and loved." He replied.

"They must talk about me if you could recognize me from what I told you."

"Yes, you are talked about. But not in the ways you may think."

"So…they're _not_ going to kill me?" I asked.

"No." Father Tom smiled at me.

"What else can you tell me?" I asked.

"Is this really necessary?" The familiar husky voice asked from behind me.

Smiling, I turned and looked at him. "I was just curious."

The priests and nuns bowed before him. My smile growing, I stood and went to him, putting my arms around his neck. He hugged me tight, burying his face in my hair.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to him.

"I am too." He whispered back. "But what are you doing here?"

"I stumbled across them. I just wanted sanctuary and instead I got these wondrous people. They've been helpful." I replied.

He ran his hand down my hair before stepping toward the others. "I thank you for your kindness. I support what you're trying to accomplish. Any help you can offer her and the Winchesters are much appreciated. But a word of caution. Be careful of what you hear and what you act on. I would hate to see something happen to you because of your efforts to assist us."

"We do what we can." Father Tom said bowing further.

"Thank you." Cass said and gave him a subtle bow. "We must take our leave."

"Thank you." I said making Father Tom stand. "I'll be in touch. You've been most helpful."

"It was a pleasure meeting you." He smiled.

"Same to you. All of you." I said smiling at them all.

"Evy…" Cass said from behind me.

Thanking them again, I stepped back until I felt Cass there. He put his hand on my lower back. In the blink of an eye we were once again in the field with the kite flying man. Taking a deep breath I looked at Cass.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked him.

"No." He said shaking his head. "I can't stay mad at you."

"Good." I smiled at him. "Why are we here?" I asked.

"I wanted to apologize." He told me.

"I know a good place for that." I smiled at him. "I'm sure my heaven still exists here somewhere."

Holding out my hand, he took it, taking us to the field of wildflowers. Hearing Cooper, I turned and smiled as he threw himself at me. Catching him, I fell backward, laughing as he licked every part his tongue could reach. Finally pushing him off, the dog leaned against Cass's leg as I stood up. Looking at my house, I took Cass's hand and led him toward it.

"Time is moving slower back home, yes?" I asked him.

"Yes." He replied.

"Good." I smiled and opened the door to my home. "You've never been here before, have you?" He shook his head. "Come with me then." I said and started to lead him through the house. Starting on the main floor, the den, living room, kitchen, and patio. Then moving upstairs to the lavish bedroom with exquisite bathroom, before ending in the room with all my murals. I couldn't read his face as he looked at all the murals of Dean. "Tell me what you're thinking." I told him as I leaned against the doorframe.

"You were in a lot of pain when you did these." He told me.

"I was." I replied and stepped next to him. "I died. You weren't around. I faced this alone. A lot happened that year. This was my sanctuary. Just like the man with the kite's heaven is yours." I told him. "I love this place. It took time for me to accept the fact that I was dead. But I did. Dean was my comfort."

"Why are you showing me this?" He asked.

"Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize how far I've come since I was first here. Since I was first thrown into this world. The things I've done…the people I've met…" I looked at him. He was just watching me. "I wonder what this place would look like if I changed it to how my world is now. What would this room look like?" I said softly and stepped up to the largest one in the room. "Who would be right here?"

"Evy?" He said softly.

Turning, I walked back to him. "If I wanted to change this, could I?" I asked him.

"It is your heaven." He stated.

"Even if I'm alive?" I asked. He nodded at me.

Smiling at him, I took his hand. Shutting my eyes, I projected everything of myself out, filling the house with whatever energy I could. Allowing my subconscious to do what my thinking mind couldn't. At one point Cass let my hand go and I felt him step away from me. When I felt like it was over, I opened my eyes. Opening my mouth to say something, I found that I had no words. The walls were no longer white. They were a burnt orange and instead of Dean and the Winchesters filling every canvas there were pictures of Cass now. They were beautiful. Only in the middle, where the largest canvas stood, it was neither of them. It was blank. I didn't understand what it meant but it seemed to me that the future was open. Turning to Cass, I saw him looking at a picture of himself. There was a smile on his face. He was looking down and there was a slight pink in his cheeks.

"One of my favorite memories of you." I said stepping up to him, smiling. "Nothing makes me happier than to see you smile."

"Nothing?" He asked.

"Nothing." I replied and took his hand.

"Why is that one blank?" He asked looking at the largest canvas.

"I don't know." I frowned. "Maybe my mind wasn't nice enough to make it straight forward. It's either you or him. I don't think anyone else would be there."

"Maybe the child." Cass said gently.

Scoffing at his words I shook my head. "I don't know what they were talking about. I have a hard time believing that I'll be pregnant again anytime soon. It was too hard the last time."

"Maybe it would be different this time." He stated. "But I too wouldn't recommend it. Not with the world ending."

"It seems a bit harsh for the kid." I replied with a smile. He smiled back at me. "There you are." I said as my smile grew.

Squeezing my hand he pulled me against his side. "I hate what I've put you through." He told me with guilt drenched words.

"I know. Don't worry." I told him, stepping in front of him. Taking his head in my hands, I stared into his eyes. "No matter what you say or do. No matter how much it hurts. I will never feel any differently toward you. When I say 'I love you' it's not because I want you. Or because I can't have you. I love what you _are_. Nothing will ever change that. Every day I think of you and smile because I know that you are a good man. You are kind and loving and brave. You're everything." I said and paused with tears in my eyes. "Everything."

"You need to stop saying things like that." He told me, taking my head in his hands.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because it makes me dare to hope."

Nodding, I knew where he was going with this. "Dean."

"Dean."

"I'm sorry." I said releasing him.

"I'm sure you say the same sort of things to him when you're alone." He stated, running his fingers through my hair.

"Not as much anymore. Proof that we're not the people we used to be."

"But you're still a Winchester."

"Yes, probably for the rest of my life." I stated.

"Then what do you want from me?" He asked. "You know what I want."

"I do." I replied. "And I just want you. But I can't have you."

"I'm right here." He said taking my hands, putting them against his chest. "I'm right here."

"I know. But I'm responsible for my husband and my brother. This isn't fair. We both know that. All I can ask is that we both let this affair see its way through. Neither one of us seems to be able to stop it no matter how hard we try. No matter how hard I try and be happy without you it just isn't possible. Is it ethical? No. But it is. It just…_is_."

He simply looked at me before pulling me into him, kissing me passionately. We moved against each other with urgency before he picked me up into his arms, walking to the bedroom. Ripping off his trench coat, I smiled at him, loving that part. He just smiled as he tore off my clothes, leaning over me as we crawled into the bed. With our lips never ceasing, I pushed several pillows off the bed to give us more space. Loving the feelings that were coursing through me, I couldn't have been happier when I felt him move inside of me. It didn't last long but it left me dizzy with pleasure. So much that I couldn't even sit up. Facing him, I ran my fingers down his face, kissing him sweetly.

"As always…" I said catching my breath.

"…we're in trouble." He finished and kissed me again.

I couldn't help but laugh though. It was such a routine now. We can't. We shouldn't. It's wrong. We're in trouble. All true. We just didn't care anymore. As wrong as it was neither of us felt badly about it. I slept with two men, unable to control myself. Especially when Cass and I were alone. It was just too hard and I didn't have the control to do it. I wanted him. All of him.

It was always short lived. We got dressed and walked down to the kitchen. I was hungry. After eating my fill, Cass and I walked outside, going to the center of the field on the other side of the elm tree. He held me against him before returning me to the entrance of the church. Smiling at him, I kissed him deeply, before stepping back as he disappeared.

Walking back to the hotel slowly, I thought about what had happened. Now that Cass wasn't in front of me, I felt guilty again. I usually did. Even though I enjoyed every minute of it. Only just last night I had made love to my husband in a hot tub and now I was making love to my lover in the bed of my heaven. There was just no winning. I was in love with two men. No one ever said that that would be easy. I was only half way back when I heard Windsor's barking and he came trotting into view. Smiling, I bent and greeted my dog. Only a few seconds later, Dean walked into view.

"Hey." I smiled as I saw him.

"Hey." He smiled back. "Been wondering where you were."

"I was at the church." I said as he stepped up to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a slight frown as he put his arms around me.

Leaning into him, I nodded. "I found something interesting." I replied. "I'll explain it to you and Sam when we get back. It's pretty amazing though."

"Alright." He said and put an arm around my shoulder as we turned back, bringing me into him for a kiss.

Smiling at him, I pretended to be the perfect loyal wife. Even though, deep down, I figured he probably knew exactly what was going on. He just chose to ignore it and love me anyway.


	31. Honesty

_**Chapter Thirty-one: Honesty**_

It was an odd feeling to feel as if you've hit an emotional low like you've never felt before. It was late. We'd just finally got a room and had finally gone to bed. As always, I lay awake while my husband and brother slept soundly. Dean was on his back, his face turned toward me. His breathing was deep and steady. Tears ran down my cheeks as I looked at him. Putting my hand on his face, I gently rubbed his cheek with my thumb.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to him.

Getting out of bed, I sat in a chair by the window, looking up at the moon. I didn't dare go outside. More tears fell as ran my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes briefly. Looking back at the moon, instead of focusing on my increasing depression, I wondered why it held so much sway over me. Every time I felt poorly the moon always made me feel better. I let the thought mull over in my brain, numbing all my other thoughts, before my eyes started to drift shut, and allowed sleep to finally take me.

Feeling lips at my temple, I slowly opened my eyes. My reflection was looking back at me. Sitting up, I turned to see Dean with a small smile on his face. Running my fingers through my hair, I sat straight, clearing the sleep from my throat.

"Hey." I said looking up at him.

"Hi." He said and leaned down, kissing my forehead. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just couldn't sleep is all." I replied standing up.

"Seems to be the norm these days." He replied as he put his hands on my arms.

"Yeah, well, the apocalypse is weighing a bit on my mind." I told him. It was partially true.

"I'm sure that's not all." He told me with a raised brow.

"I'm going to take a shower." I stated, running my hand along his chest as I stepped around him.

"Wait." He said gently grabbing my wrist.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Honestly? I don't know anymore." I told him with a small smile, turning away from him.

Going into the bathroom, I turned the water on till it was steaming before stepping in. Letting the water wash over me, dulling the cold ache that seemed to be coursing through me. Staying under the water for what felt like a very long time, I finally got out. The mirror was so steamed I couldn't even catch a glimpse of myself within it. Quickly drying off, combing my hair, before getting dressed, I went back into the other room, smiling at the boys before leaving the room with Windsor. Staying by the door while he went and did his business I took a deep breath, feeling depressed. Sliding down the door, I sat and watched my dog chase a nearby squirrel. I shut my eyes, fighting tears, trying not to feel sorry for myself, when I heard the sound of angel wings. Opening my eyes, hoping for Cass, I saw Uriel standing next to me.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"What makes you so special?" He frowned down at me. "I get why they are. I've been informed about that. But what the hell makes you so special is beyond me."

"Go away." I told him. "I'm nothing special."

"You aren't?" He asked with a raised brow.

"If cheating on my husband with an angel and ruining everything else makes me special then fine, yes, I'm special." I told him miserably.

"I'll figure it out before the end." He replied.

With that he disappeared, leaving me to do nothing other than sigh heavily. Windsor came over and dropped his head on top of my knees, looking at me with a sad yet supportive look. Smiling, I placed a kiss on his nose before standing up, letting myself back into the room. Sam was at his computer while Dean was going through the journals. Windsor ran to the bed, his butt wiggling, jumping up onto it and lying next to Dean. Dean smiled, bending over to kiss the dog on the head. Putting an arm around Windsor's neck, the dog rested his head on his chest, his tail still gentling moving back and forth. I couldn't help but smile. Walking around to the other side of the bed, I sat next to him. Leaning against him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"What are you looking at?" I asked him.

"Nothing in particular. Just looking." He replied with that concentrating look on his face. "How are you doing?" He asked as he put the journal aside and put an arm around me.

"I don't know." I replied, putting my hand on his chest.

"You wanna talk about it?" He said kissing my forehead.

"Not really sure what there is to say."

"Say anything then." He replied sweetly.

"I'm just - just so - tired and scared and everything that goes with those two words." I told him quickly. Scoffing, I rested my head on his chest. "I'm depressed I guess."

"It's not over yet." He told me.

"I know. But we've got nothing so far." I replied. "And over half the seals are broken and who knows how many more they've broken since."

"I'm not going to let the world end. Not yet." He told me as he placed a kiss on the top of my head. "I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. Tell me what I can do to help."

Holding him tighter, I looked up at him. "I'm not sure there is anything you can do."

"Who then?"

"Me."

"You don't have to do anything alone." He stated as he reached for my left hand. He gently turned the ring on my finger. "I made you a promise."

Looking up at him, I leaned forward, kissing him. "Will you go for a walk with me?"

He glanced at his brother before nodding at me. Getting up, I walked to Sam, kissing his head before going to the door. Windsor was at the door but I simply tugged on his ear gently before telling him to stay. Opening the door, I walked out, Dean right behind me. It was a few blocks before either of us spoke. I wasn't even sure what I was going to say. I figured it would all spill out once I got started.

"So…" Dean said gently.

Finally, after a long pause I said, "Things are so messed up right now."

"What do you mean by "things"?" He asked, worry coating his words.

"Everything." I said and looked at him. "The world. The job. Us." He just looked back at me, waiting for me to go on. "I told you what the people at the church told me. We're running out of time. Not only that but I'm supposed to be making people proud." I paused to laugh at myself. "Proud…making people proud…" Shaking my head, I looked at him. His expression wasn't giving anything away. "I'm not the person they think I am. I'm not going to make anyone proud. I'm not going to be the next Mary in the Bible. I don't know what the hell I am, but I'm not what they think I am, and will not become that any time soon. I've screwed everything up. I married you because you're the love of my life, only I go behind your back and have an affair with an angel for God's sake! How can you even stand me?" I practically yelled at him. "I am a despicable human being. How can you still accept me when I'm cheating on you? I know we never voice it but you know it's true. You know what I'm doing. I can't stop. I've tried." I said and took a deep breath. "I don't plan it and I'm sorry that it's happened. I love you. You know I do. I know I do. But I love him too. It's so confusing and I never expected it and I'm a _fucking_ broken record. I can't tell you anything you want to hear. The expectations of us are so out of reach it's ridiculous. You two are meant for something but we don't know what yet. I'm just this person who is slowing everyone down, making problems for everyone, distracting them from what they are supposed to be doing. It's depressing! I'm useless! Utterly useless! We all are! We have no idea what to expect and I'm so tired of being tired and scared. I'm tired of feeling like there is nothing we can do. That the world is going to end. The only thing we have to look forward to is that once it does no one can yell at us because we'll all be dead." I rambled on before stopping. He did the same and faced me. "But most of all." I said and paused. "I'm tired of hurting you. It weighs on me more than anything else but I'm having such a hard time with all of this. I want to be with you. I want to. I really, really do. But then he pops up and I slip. I don't want to. But it seems to happen no matter what I do. I love him. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I fell for him. But…it just…_is_. And I don't know what to do about it. Everyone told me what I already know. To stay with you. There was a time where I didn't think I could. But I can. I just need help. Maybe I need to see a therapist or something. And I know I keep saying it, and at some point it's no longer going to hold any meaning, and that's fine but I'm still going to say it. I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry." I finally finished. When he didn't say anything I added, "And I'm really sorry that that was so long."

"You and your speeches." He said looking down at me. Sighing, I looked up at him. He knew I wanted more than that. He sighed back at me as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. "I've known about you and Cass since the very beginning. I can tell every time you've been with him. Or had your deep meaningful conversations with him." He told me and looked at the ground.

"And how do you stand me?" I asked him, needing to know.

"You're my wife. Through good times and bad. This is some of the bad. But I still see me growing old with you. As old as we can expect to get. I'll never stop being in love with you." He told me as he held out his hands to me. I slipped mine into them. He laced our fingers and stepped closer to me. "I've tried to be whatever it is that you need me to be. We've had a rough road you and me. But I'm still here and so are you. If you really wanted to leave you'd be gone already."

"This is true. I don't want to leave you." I said and I closed the distance between us. "You have every right to not forgive me though. To not say these things but to kick me out on the curb."

"You don't want that though, do you?" He asked.

"No." I replied shaking my head. "I don't. I just need you to keep me in line. Be overbearing and as wonderful as always."

"I'm not wonderful, but yes, I'll keep you on a tighter leash. If I tossed you on the curb he'd be here in a second to scoop you up." He added.

I gave a short laugh and nodded. "I'll never stop caring about him. But I can live with him as a good friend. I will give it my all. I don't want to step out of line again."

"I don't expect you to stop caring for him. He was there when I wasn't. And he is a good friend. The best one we've got other than Bobby right now."

"This is true." I replied putting my arms around his neck.

He slowly lowered his face to mine, kissing me deeply. He had once again forgiven me for all my indiscretions. I didn't deserve it. Or any other time when it concerned matters as these. He'd forgiven me countless times and it took me longer to forgive him for beating me when he was under the influence of a demonic disease. Our whole relationship was like a teeter totter. All we had to do was find the balance and we'd be happy. A slip here or there in either direction is fine but right now I was at the very bottom while Dean hovered at the very top.

"Thank you." I whispered to him.

"You're welcome." He whispered back as he put his hand on my face. "What will it take for you to forget him?" He asked. "To bring you back to me."

"Moments like this." I said as I rested my head against him. "I just want to be with you. Time apart from the fighting and running. Moments like the hot tub." I smiled up at him.

"Then let's have one of those moments." He said wrapping his arms around me.

* * *

><p>Waking up to Dean's arms around me, I felt refreshed. As if some of the weight had been lifted and the day didn't seem so dreary. Shifting, I rolled and looked at Dean. He was watching me. Smiling, I ran the back of my index finger across his jaw line.<p>

"Morning." He smiled.

"Morning." I smiled back, rolling onto my side, resting against him.

"What are you thinking?" He asked.

"That I just woke up." I told him with a yawn. "Let me wake up a bit and then you can ask me that."

Before he could reply, we both looked at Windsor who was staring up at nothing, his tail gently swaying back and forth. Then there was the sound of wings. We looked up as Cass appeared at the edge of the bed.

"Cass." I said sitting up, worried at his entrance. "What is it?"

"What happened?" Dean said doing the same.

"Five more seals are broken." He told us and started to pace the room.

I got out of bed, stepping around to him. "Are you sure?" I asked, putting my hand on his arm.

"Yes." He said looking at me before looking at Dean. "We're losing."

"We'll figure it out." Dean told him, now getting out of bed.

"We don't have enough power. The angels are failing." He replied before looking back at me.

"We will figure it out. It's not over yet." I told him.

"I know you don't believe that." He stated.

Sighing, I couldn't argue. I really didn't believe that. We were running out of time and we were so far behind the demons there was a slim to no chance of us actually succeeding.

"It's still not over." I replied crossing my arms in a self-protective way.

Cass sat in a chair and looked at us. It was an awkward moment. No one knew what the other was thinking and the tension in the room was becoming thicker and thicker. He looked at me and nodded. Only it was in understanding. There was finality in that nod. Releasing the breath I hadn't realized I was holding, I nodded back at him.

"What can we do?" Dean asked.

"Keep doing what you're doing." He said and stood. "I will do my best to assist you."

"Thank you." I told him. "And you know we'll do the same for you." He nodded and faced me. Nodding with him, I put my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "You're not alone." He nodded and hugged me tighter. He released me and disappeared. Sighing, I turned to Dean. "What are we going to do?"

"Whatever we can." He told me.

Walking up to him, I put my arms on his sides, slowly moving them to his back. "Does that mean we're going to be on the move again?"

"As soon as we find Sam." He replied and turned to start grabbing his things.

"I may not have been the most observant lately but…how's he doing?" I asked.

"He's fine." He replied.

I knew that that was code word for 'I don't know'. Sam was still off doing whatever it was that he did. Only I was pretty sure what he was doing. Dean wouldn't listen to me if I tried to tell him. He was convinced that his brother had fully come from the other side. Had given up his demonic powers and stayed the sweet little brother that he knew and loved. I knew different. He hadn't stopped. He was addicted. It was going to take more than a little speech from his brother and a threat from the angels to make him stop. Ruby was poisoning him, I was sure. But even I had found peace with her. And I had no proof as to what was going on. She had earned the right to be trusted. Even if it was only a limited trust.

When Sam finally reappeared, we were already packed and our things were loaded into the car. Sam quickly packed and acted like nothing was wrong. Like we were completely ignorant to what he was doing, or what he had done. It was unsettling. But I wasn't about to start something when we'd be in the car for God knew how long.

"Can we go to Bobby's?" I asked. "I'd like to see him."

"Yeah." Dean told me. "Maybe he'll have something for us to go on."

"Yay." I said and smiled.

He winked at me and the Impala was on the move. It was quiet for most of the trip. There wasn't a lot to say. Sam had nothing to say and I was more intent on pondering how screwed we all were then to actually talk about it. Dean seemed to find the silence a little unsettling but he seemed to keep himself quiet.

When we got to Bobby's I was the first to get out. He heard us coming and was already standing in the doorway. Walking up to him, smiling, I put my arms around his neck. He squeezed me tightly as sighed with relief.

"How are you doing?" He asked quietly.

"I've been better." I reply releasing him.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks.

"Yeah, I do." I tell him.

"You boys keep yourselves busy." Bobby called over my shoulder. "We're going to have a chat."

Looking over my shoulder I give Dean a small smile before following Bobby into his study. The fireplace is already ablaze. He slid the doors closed and poured us both a drink.

"Thank you." I smiled at him.

"So, what's on your mind?" He asked sitting behind his desk.

Sitting in a chair I just stared into my drink. I wasn't even sure what there was to talk about. But I had to say something to someone who knew all of us enough to give me some sort of unbiased opinion. Even though I wasn't sure if Bobby was capable of that or not.

"I'm confused, Bobby." I finally told him. "And torn. And tired. And sad." He just remained silent as he waited for me to go on. "I don't know what to do anymore. I miss him." I said sadly. "I don't know if I can keep it up. It's like I'm addicted to him. I've always seen myself as loyal and dependable. When did I lose that person?" I asked and looked up at him. "When did I become someone I used to think the worst of? I'm a cheater and a liar. And I talk way too much. But never about the important stuff. I build it all up and then let it all out in one burst of emotion. How do I become who I used to be?"

"You're still her." He replied, rolling his chair over to me. "You're still the same brave, loving, smart, beautiful girl you've always been."

"I am?" I asked.

"Yup. Otherwise I wouldn't love you so darn much." He smiled at me.

Giving a short laugh, I nodded, smiling at him, "I love you too."

We shared a father-daughter moment before his face turned serious again. "Listen, about this whole Cass and Dean thing. I know you want to do the right thing. I know you love both of them. I'd like to say that you love Dean more but I just don't know if that's true anymore. Do I want to see you with Dean? Yes. But if it makes you unhappy I guess you're going to have to make a decision."

"Are we talking divorce here?" I asked him.

"No." He said shaking his head. "I don't want it to go that far. You two need each other. No matter what's between you. But maybe a separation."

"We've done that, Bobby." I stated with a frown.

"From both of them?" He asked.

"No." I said quickly. I've never even thought about getting away from both of them. There'd always been a reason to stay. Protection. Lust. Always something. "I've always been with one of them."

"Alright, it's settled then." He said standing up. "You're staying here with me."

"Excuse me?" I asked with raised brows.

"You are going to stay here with me. The only contact you can have with either of them is the phone."

"Cass doesn't have a phone." I commented.

"Then he'll get one or you're going cold turkey." He stated.

"You're serious." I said standing up. "You really want me to stay here?"

"Yes, I do." He replied. "Let's go tell the boys." He said and pushed me towards the door.

Just before we got to the door I froze. "I'm afraid."

"Don't be. He'll only be pissed for a little while." Bobby smiled and opened the door, shoving me through it.

* * *

><p>The boys had left a few hours ago and there was already a weird feel to the house. It was Bobby's idea but even he seemed a little weird about having a woman in the house. It'd been years since any woman has spent any real time in this house. Even now, I sat at the table, Windsor's head in my lap, as Bobby leaned against the doorframe, watching me with an odd look.<p>

"What now?" I asked and laughed.

He laughed with me, "I have no idea."

"This was a great idea, Bobby." I grinned at him.

"Hey, we'll get used to it." He replied confidently.

"This is going to be fun."

"It's late." He finally said. "I'm beat."

"Yeah." I agreed, standing up.

"The room you and Dean use is still clean and ready." He told me as we went to the stairs.

"Thank you." I said hugging him.

"Get some sleep." He commanded as he released me. "No one will be waking you up tomorrow so sleep as long as you want."

"What do you do on a day to day basis, Bobby?" I asked, realizing that I never have before.

"I guess you'll find out." He smiled and walked away.

Laughing as I walked up the stairs with Windsor, it was a kind of relief not having to worry about anything or anyone for a change. Bobby was like a father to me. He'd take care of me more then I'd take care of him. It was a nice feeling.

Opening the door to my new room, I remembered the times Dean and I had horded ourselves away in it. Putting my bag on the bed, Windsor jumped up onto it and laid down with a heavy sigh. Smiling at him, I ran my hand over his head as I changed into sweats and a tank top.

"Alright, baby. Time for bed." I told my dog as I crawled in next to him.

Shifting himself to his side of the bed, I pulled him against me, stroking his fur. I hummed to him for a few minutes, more for me than him, before drifting off to sleep. A dreamless, peaceful sleep that felt amazing.


	32. Did Not See That Coming

_**Chapter Thirty-two: Unexpected**_

Sitting at Bobby's desk, the newspaper articles and photos I had taken all lay out, covering the entire length of it. To anyone else it would probably look like a scattered mess, but to me it was well organized, showing me everything of importance so I could figure out my next move. Windsor sat to my right, his eyes ever watchful as I worked through the night. The wind was howling outside making the dog's ears perk and his head jerk at every loud bump in the night. Only we both knew too well that the bumps might actually be something coming to get us.

"I don't understand." I said to him. "I swear that there is something here. Something is going on. I just have to figure out what it is." He cocked his head and let out an airy woof. "Thanks for your vote of confidence but I've been staring at this stuff for two days now." He put his two front feet on the edge of the chair and looked out over all the information with me. Smiling, I put my arm around him, gently stroking him. Then, out of nowhere, he put his paw on top of a picture and looked at me. Frowning, I gently moved him off before looking at a picture of Thomas Sounder. "You think he has something to do with it?" I asked my dog. He just looked up at me with those big brown eyes.

Delving into his file I tried to see if my dog was right. He was the first to die. The first victim of whatever was going on. The majority of the people dead were men. Usually the father, for all were parents. Some were women but there were few. There was nothing in his pat that would make me think that he was into something that got him killed. Taking out several pictures, I placed them in front of me so I could look at them more closely. The family picture was nothing out of the ordinary. They looked happy. Their five year old daughter with such a big smile on her face. Then something caught my eye. One of the last pictures of him was in the backyard hot tub, the one he had drowned in. Standing just at the edge of the photo was the little girl. Only the expression she held was the complete opposite of what she looked like in all the other pictures. Frowning, I went through all the other family pictures of the other victims trying to see if a pattern would emerge. There were five other victims and three of them did show similar differences in the children. There were even statements from family members or friends about the children's behavior but all were contributed to the current death in their lives. All of them five or under. I found the numbers to the other two parents to confirm that all of them fit the bill before I moved into the next step. Though I already had my journal out and was looking up everything I had down for Changelings.

"What are you doing?" Bobby's voice asks groggily, making me jump.

"What?" I ask as I looked up from my journal.

"It's almost three in the morning. Why are you still awake?" He asked as he dropped into a chair.

"I think I've found a job." I told him. "And you can't complain. This is the first night you haven't been up as late as me. You've been doing just as much research to try and stop the apocalypse as I have except for all these little jobs. When I'm not helping you that is."

"You seem awfully peppy." He frowned.

"Ha!" I said and looked back at my journal. "It's called sleep deprivation but I need to do this now while I'm…in the…zone or whatever."

"Come on. It's time for bed." He said closing the book in front of me.

"Are you handling me, Mr. Singer?" I smiled looking up at him.

"No. I'm fathering you." He smiled back and pushed the chair back. "Get up." He told me motioning for me to stand.

Sighing, I listened and he put his hands on my shoulders as he led me to the stairs. He followed me all the way up and to the door, saying goodnight as I smiled and closed the door behind me. I was more exhausted then I had thought. Falling onto the bed, I crawled up to the pillows and almost immediately fell asleep.

* * *

><p>A few days later, after much research and journal reading, I had confirmed that all of the kids had been acting different. It was subtle at first and then got worse right before the death of a loved one. Turned out that after a closer look the women who had died were either aunts or significant others to the mom's best friend. To top it off all the kids went to the same daycare. It didn't take long to figure out that ground zero was more than likely the daycare. There was something awfully coincidental about all the kids going there and then several of the parents or relatives dying. So now I stood with Windsor in front of Sunny Hills Daycare. An old school, the bottom level now used for the kids. I looked down at my dog, a fancy little vest on him that identified him as a service animal. It may not be true but they wouldn't care. It would just be something fun for the kids to keep them occupied for a few hours.<p>

"Alright, let's go make a kill." I smiled down at him. He snorted and wagged his tail in agreement.

Walking into the building, I was greeted by Sandy Smith. Horrible name, but owned the small daycare.

"It's so nice that you're here." She beamed at me. "It's not often that we get calls like yours. It's nice when people want to educate the kids. Most are too young to understand but the ones that can will be tickled pink."

"I'm glad to be here." I smiled at her. "It's never too young to learn about these things. To grow up with a little bit of decency."

"I know!" She just grinned at me. "If anything they'll enjoy being able to play with a dog for an hour or two."

"Yes, Windsor is looking forward to it as well." I smiled and stoked his ear.

The day kicked off with me introducing myself and my dog to the kids. Making sure that they know the dos and don'ts to how they should treat us. Then I did a demonstration of all the things that he could do. All the things he could help me with. They responded far better than I had hoped they would. They jumped for joy when I asked if they wanted to try. I taught them basic commands that he would follow for them. Allowing them all to line up and give it a shot. All the while I made sure to pay attention to every last one of them. Trying to pinpoint if there was something off in this quaint little place. At first I didn't think there was anything wrong. But once they were all lined up, waiting for their turn with Windsor, I noticed three of the kids standing in line with stiff postures and blank expressions. They were completely uninterested in what was going on. When I turned to see the reaction from Sandy Smith, all she did was stand there with a cheesy grin on her face. The more I watched, instead of talked, I knew I was in the right place.

I waited till after snack time before I tried talking to the kids in question. They were the same kids from the files. Though it was harder to find them alone then I had thought. Sandy seemed to always be one step ahead of me. She was always right over my shoulder, listening to what I was saying. Making me dislike her even more and solidified my assumption that she was the queen bee to this funkiness that was going down. The last time that we had come across changelings, they had had a caretaker as well.

"The kids look like they're having fun." I stated to Sandy as we watched the kids.

"Yes they are." She smiled.

"Will you be alright if I go place a phone call real quick?" I asked her.

"Of course." She grinned.

Going to my dog, I told him to be good and to keep his eyes and ears open, than I slipped out of the room. Taking my phone from my pocket, ready to speed dial Bobby, I glanced up as I heard footsteps and froze. The person in front of me did the same and for a second we simply stared at each other.

It took me over a minute to form the name on my tongue. "…Riley."

"Evy." He said and looked like he was about to run. "If you didn't look so shocked I'd say you were here to kill me."

"The shock will wear off." I told him.

"Why are you here?" He asked me.

"I could ask you the same thing." I frowned at him.

"I came to pick up my daughter." He replied.

"Your daughter?" I asked him even more shocked then I was before.

"Yes." He replied, relaxing a little.

"How the hell did that happen?"

He smirked and crossed his arms. "Believe it or not, I found someone I actually love and am now a newlywed and new father." He told me.

Lowering my head I nodded before I smiled. "You're out of the supernatural world?" I asked him.

"I'm doing my best. No powers anymore. I try and ignore everything that crosses my path." He told me.

My smile fell and I just looked at him. He was wearing a nice suit, his hair styled and his face clean shaven. He looked like a completely different man.

"Then you should get your daughter and get the hell out here." I told him sternly.

He just looked at me before he frowned and tilted his head at me. "What's going on?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with a clutch of Changelings." I told him. "There are three swaps for sure. Hopefully they're in the basement or something. But I'm pretty sure Sandy Smith is the leader of this thing. She can keep tabs on her little minions while they go home and feed. It fits the profile and is similar to something we've faced before."

"I've got to get Hailey." He said as panic started to ebb into his tone.

"Hailey." I said with a small smile. It was an odd coincidence. "Pretty name."

"Yeah, Heather loved the name." He told me.

"We can't start a panic though." I told him. "If she thinks we know then we're in trouble. And if your daughter is here and you look all jumpy then we'll give ourselves away."

"I know." He nodded.

"Is she expecting you this early?" I asked.

He shakes his head, "No. I left work early."

"You know if we make it out of this in one piece I might actually want to hold a conversation with you." I smiled at him. "But we should get your kid and get the two of you out of here."

"Yes, please." He replied. "On both accounts." He said and held his hand out to me.

"Come on." I said shaking it before turning back to the main room.

I was just turning into the room when my face was hit with what felt like one of the tiny chairs. Falling to the ground, I turned to see Riley already on the offensive. Though the kids were already staring with shocked eyes in the corner. Windsor was already herding them into a corner as he barked at the fighting people. I stood and rushed to the kids, feeling the blood trickle down my face. I bent down to a little toddler before being tackled by a five year old. The other two were trying to herd the kids out into the hall but Windsor stopped them as he snapped his teeth in their faces. I tossed the child from my body, feeling horrible about it but knew that it wasn't a child. It was just some supernatural being that needed to be destroyed.

"Get Hailey!" Riley yelled pointing to a room that had the cribs in it.

I bolted to it but was tripped by the toddler I had thrown. I kicked the monster in the face before making it into the room, snatching the baby up into my arms. Running back out I went to the group of kids, grabbing the ones I knew were fake and separated them from the others, ushering them toward the hall to get them out of the room. I was nearly there when Sandy grabbed me, throwing me backward. I cradled the infant against my chest, slamming hard to the ground, keeping the baby stable as I as my body absorbed the impact. She started to cry and I tried to coo her quiet as I watched Riley take on the Changelings. He managed to knock Sandy unconscious and the children stood near her with evil expressions on their faces. Quickly getting to my feet I ran to Riley. He took his child from me and we raced from the room, the other kids right behind us. We made it into the hall and half way down before other women and children appeared in the doorways ahead of us. Sliding to a stop, Riley looked at me before I grabbed the smallest child and ran the opposite direction. We made it from the main hall, down a side hall that led to the old gymnasium. Hiding was going to be difficult, but once we hid the kids I would be able to leave and dispatch the Changelings before anything else happened.

Racing across the gym, I could hear Windsor barking behind us. Leading the group, I ran to the stage that lay on the other side, curtains partially drawn across it. Leaping up onto it, I pulled the kids up, trying to quiet them at the same time. Twenty scared kids didn't make for a very quiet faction. Once they were all up, I moved behind the curtain to see mounds of desks, stacked in an unorganized fashion.

"Come on, guys." I said turning to the kids. "I need you to hide behind the desks, anywhere you can, and you have to be quiet."

"I want my mommy." A little girl cried as she gripped onto me.

"I know, sweetie. But you have to stay quiet and I'm going to get you back to your mommy as soon as I can." I told her quickly, gently moving her toward the desks.

The other kids followed and soon they were all in the shadows of the desks. Turning to Riley, he was cradling his daughter in his arms. He was making a gentle shushing sound as he gently kissed the top of her velvety head. It broke my heart. Not only because I had been so close to experiencing what he had but he had finally turned his life around and now his and little Hailey's life was in danger.

"Riley, you need to stay with the kids. Hide yourself and keep everyone quiet." I told him.

"You can't go out there alone." He frowned at me.

"I'm not alone. My dog is out there and he is as good a Hunter as I am." I replied.

"You and your damn dogs." He said shaking his head at me.

I couldn't help but laugh. "I know. Just do as I say. For once."

"Okay, Evy." He nodded.

"Thank you." I said putting my hand on his arm.

Moving through the back of the stage and out a side door, I circled around, looking for them. There had to be at least eight now. I found two bodies torn to pieces, knowing that Windsor was on the hunt. Finding a janitor's closet I found a can of bug spray. Along with the lighter in my pocket I had the ammo to kill the sons-a-bitches. Burning the bodies, I passed, I knew I was giving my position away but I wasn't about to risk any of them getting up again. Moving back to the main room, I found it empty. Moving down the hallway, I found the main level to be deserted. I heard a slight clicking above me, knowing that Windsor was tracking them. Moving upstairs, I saw him crouched about halfway down the hallway. I managed only a few steps towards him when I was rushed from the side. Hitting the lockers hard, I felt a hand on my shoulder before I was thrown down the flight of stairs, feeling my shoulder pop out of place half way down. I was slammed into a sitting position when I hit the bottom of the stairs. The changeling was already coming down after me. The can and lighter were still with me, though I could hardly push down on the cans top with my dislocated arm. But I managed to light the lighter and when she was just in reach, I managed to spray the ignitable fluid through the flame and set her on fire. She ran screaming down the hall. Standing, I listened for any more before facing the wall, putting my forehead against it as I built myself up. Moving to the wall edge, I took a deep breath and clenched my teeth before slamming my shoulder back into place. I bit my lip to stifle the pained yell that wanted to come out. Once that first wave of pain subsided, I grabbed the can from the floor and went back upstairs. Windsor had dispatched another child and I could hear his low growling coming from a few doors down. I was more cautious this time. Moving through the rooms, I found three more children, killing them before going on the search for the women. They would be very angry by now, and might pose a challenge, but without the children to help them it would make my life easier. Windsor must have had the same idea since after I found too more torn up kids that left only the adults to deal with.

"Windsor." I whispered and I heard a subtle snort from up ahead.

In the next room, I found my dog staring at a closet. Inching toward it, I had barely touched the handle when the door burst open. I was forced backward as the changeling charged out at me. She threw a punch before I could get my bearings. I could already feel the bruise that was going to form on my cheekbone. Turning back to her, I gave her a front kick to the abdomen before punching her, grabbing her hair and slamming her head against a desk, tossing her through a row of them before grabbing the spray can and setting her on fire.

Windsor came up to me, leaning against my leg. "Good boy." He wagged his tail and let out a whispered bark. "Good boy."

From my count we were down to only a couple adults. I knew the kids were gone and we had killed at least one of the adults, unless Windsor had been luckier than what I'd already found. The rest of the upstairs was clean meaning that the basement was the only place left. If they were hoarding the real kids away then they were probably down there somewhere. It would be convenient. We were once again on the move, only I was actually enjoying myself. It had been a while since I'd had such an exciting job. Despite the pain that erupted in my shoulder every few minutes.

Deciding to check on Riley and the kids, I made my way back to the gym. About half way down the hall I heard noise coming from it. Running, I threw open the doors to see Riley fighting two changelings. Rushing forward I grabbed the one closest to me and snapped her neck before turning back to Riley who had already knocked her out. I lit them on fire before turning back to Riley.

"Nice job." I told him.

"I'm a bit rusty." He replied.

"I'm almost done. Are the kids okay?" I asked.

"So far." He nodded.

"Alright. Stay put." I said as I started walking away.

"I should be helping you." He called after me.

"No! Just stay with the kids!" I called back as I rushed toward the basement.

At this point I was no longer shy as I barreled down the steps to the basement. I didn't care if they heard me coming. They still weren't going get out of here alive. As soon as Windsor hit the bottom of the stairs he lowered into a crouch and started to move through the basement. He'd let me know if he found anything. I moved in the opposite direction as I searched for the kids. A pipe moved and I ducked as I tried to pinpoint where it came from. Another moved behind me and I slipped into the shadows. I heard the steps approaching, letting her pass before I slipped out and followed her. She weaved toward the back, opening another door to a smaller one with several caged children and adults. She grabbed a crowbar in the corner and turned to face the door. Only I was already standing there, ready to send her to Hell. Once her screaming had stopped, I went to one of the terrified women staring at me.

"Listen, I'm going to get you out of here. I am. But I have to finish them all off first. Do you understand me?" I asked. She simply nodded at me. "Okay, good. I'll be back. I promise." She nodded again and I was out the door.

Windsor was growling and snarling. I could hear him nearby. Rushing toward the sound, I came up behind the changelings as it tried to hit Windsor with a pipe. As soon as the flames had died down, I did a head count before deciding that there was no one left. Taking a deep breath, I sprinted back to the caged people, picking up the crowbar and breaking them all open. One by one I helped these poor people out of their cages. Filthy from days to weeks of captivity and their own mess.

"How did you find us?" The real Sandy asked me.

"It's kind of my job." I smiled at her.

"Thank you." She said and hugged me.

"You're welcome." I replied and helped everyone out of the basement and to the gym.

I stayed long enough to make sure everyone had a story straight. The whole doppelganger thing never goes over very well with the authorities. That and I didn't want to be seen by them. I got out as soon as I could. Riley gave me his updated information and asked that I stop by for dinner. I knew that I shouldn't, but I was curious. If he had been able to change his life around I wanted to know how. I wanted to know if it was true.

After I left, I walked till I came across a bench overlooking a lake. It was nice. Windsor waded down to it, getting a long drink before he came and lay at my feet, a contended sigh coming from him. Smiling, I stroked his head before leaning back and enjoying the quiet as the water gently lapped the bank. Leaning my head against the back of the bench, I shut my eyes. Letting calm wash over me. I felt myself start to drift off when my phone rang. Looking at it, my phone didn't recognize the number. Knowing that it could be anyone, with any sort of problem, I answered it.

"Hello?" I said as nicely as I could muster.

"Evy."

My heart skipped a beat as I sat up. "Cass."

"I was threatened to not contact you unless it was through one of these…devices." He told me.

"Was it Bobby?" I smiled into the phone.

"Yes. He was very convincing." He replied.

I laughed, so happy to hear his voice. "He usually is. How are you?" I asked, the need to know almost overpowering.

"I am well." He told me. I could hear a sense of happiness in his voice. "And you?"

"I'm okay." I smiled into the phone. "I've been busy."

"What happened?" His voice turned to concern.

"What makes you think something happened?" I frowned, not wanting to talk about work.

"I can tell by your voice." He replied. "Tell me what happened."

"It's nothing." I told him. "There was a changeling fiasco but I took care of it. I'd been researching it for weeks but I finally figured it out and took it on."

"Alone?"

"I meant to just feel things out but the leader attacked me so I had to act quickly. But it's okay. I had Windsor with me and I ended up running into Riley Newberry." I replied.

"The one who raised you from the grave?" He asked.

"Yeah, but he has a wife and a daughter now." I told him. "I'm going to go see him tonight."

"Why?"

"To catch up. He seems to have changed and he managed to get out of the supernatural world. To acclimate to a normal lifestyle." I said with a sad edge to my voice.

"Is that what you want?" He asked with a similar tone.

"Yes and no. I think it would make life easier. But after seeing what all is out there I really don't think it's possible. I'm a hunter and there will always be something to hunt."

"Yes there will." He agreed. A long pause followed before he asked, "When will I see you again?"

"I'm not sure. I'm kinda waiting for Bobby to tell me when I can. Dean calls almost every night. But I need this. Some separation is good. To be on my own with Bobby is nice. It's given me a lot of time to think and to put things into perspective."

"And what have you decided?"

"That I'm in love with two men and have no idea how to pick one." I replied. "Nothing's changed. Not yet anyway."

"I do love you." He told me sweetly.

"I love you too." I replied.

"Please keep in touch with me."

"I promise. Now that I have your number I'll be able to call you any time I want." I smiled into the phone.

"I'd like that." He replied, a smile in his voice.

"I miss you." I told him. "A lot."

"I miss you too."

Emotion caught in my throat and I wanted him here. I wanted to see him. To feel his breath on my skin. His touch…

"I should go." I told him weakly.

"If you must." He said sadly.

"I should…I should go." I repeated.

"Evy?" He said sweetly.

"Cass?"

"Call me soon?"

"I will." I smiled and hung up the phone.

Taking a deep breath, I pressed the phone against my lips, closing my eyes as I shoved the emotion back down where it belonged. Windsor sat up and put his head in my lap. I stroked his head as I took another deep breath. Checking the time, I stood and we started our walk to Riley's.

* * *

><p>After starting the night off slightly depressed it ended on a high note. Riley had done a complete one-eighty. He was nothing like he used to be. If anything he reviled demons and monsters more than I did. His wife, Heather, was magnificent. She was sweet and witty and suited him perfectly. I was jealous of their happy marriage. They loved each other and had a baby together. They had a beautiful life started and I hoped that he would be able to keep it up.<p>

"You're a lucky man." I smiled at him.

"I know." He smiled back. "I'm sorry to hear about all your troubles."

"Don't be. It's not worth it. I'll figure it all out in the end."

"You usually do."

"And whatever is supposed to be will be."

"You sound like you've given up." He frowned.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Maybe. But all I want to do is be happy. I thought I was. Turned out I was missing something. Found that and then it all went to hell again."

"We're young. We have time to figure it out." He smiled and winked.

"Yes we do."

It was late before I finally returned to Bobby's. He was still up, sitting at his desk with a glass of whiskey next to him.

"Hey." I smiled when I walked in.

"Where you been?" He frowned back at me.

"Seeing an old friend." I replied.

"You didn't call." He replied, his frown growing.

"I'm sorry." I told him sitting. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"Well you did." He said and stood.

"Bobby…" I frowned following him into the kitchen.

The table had been set for two, a nice pork roast sat in the middle of it. A bowl of mixed veggies and another of mashed potatoes. There was even a bottle of wine. It was all cold, a pit falling in my stomach.

"Bobby…" I repeated as I looked at him.

"I expected you home for dinner." He told me and went back into the study, closing the doors behind him.

Sitting at the table, I was just about to beat myself up even more when my phone rang. It was Dean's ringtone. Looking at it I answered it with a somber tone which immediately told him that something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" He asked instead of responding with his own hello.

"I'm having a rough day." I replied

"What happened?" He asked worriedly.

"Can we not talk about it right now?" I asked. I'm sure he would have said something sweet to make me feel better but I didn't want to feel better. Bobby had done something so sweet and I had ruined it. All because I didn't call.

"That bad?" He asked.

"That bad."

"You're not hurt are you?"

"Only my pride." I replied with a sigh.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" He asked.

"I'm sure." I told him. "Can I call you back later?"

"Of course." He said trying to sound okay with it.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I've just gotta take care of something. I'll call you before I go to bed."

"I'd like that." He said sweetly.

"Okay. I'll talk to you in a bit." I said and hung up.

Now it was time to make it up to Bobby. I wasn't sure how to do it but I would find a way. It had been a very odd day. Between everything that happened all I wanted was a beer and a sappy movie. Instead I would deal with my burly father figure in the other room. I'm sure it would be real simple to make it up to him…


	33. Every Dog Had His Day

**Disclaimer: See chapter one.**

**A/N: Okay, so, to move this story along: Welcome to the beginning of a MASS update! Feel free to drop me a line with any questions/comments/concerns. If you have none or do not wish to share that too is okay with me. All I ask is that you read and ENJOY!**

**Now let's do this thing!**

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><p><span><em><strong>Chapter Thirty-three: Every Dog Has His Day<strong>_

Lying in bed, I gently stroked Windsor as I listened to heavy breathing in my ear. Smiling, I closed my eyes, continuing to listen as I heard the subtle movement of his mouth, knowing that he was waking up.

"Morning." I said gently into the phone.

Dean gave a happy groan, "Morning."

"It sounded like you slept well." I smiled.

"I did." He said sweetly. "It's the closest I've felt to you in a long time."

My smile faltered. "You too, baby."

"Can you come home now?" He asked.

"No." I replied. "I still haven't made peace with Bobby. I still feel horrible about that dinner fiasco. He's been quiet. Working a lot. I've got to make it up to him before I leave. And it's been nice. I've enjoyed not relying on you men for a change. Bobby watches out for me but not like you, Sam, or Cass. He's like a dad to me and I love him for it."

"I understand." He told me.

"Do you?" I asked.

"I do." He replied. "I do understand. But last night was nice."

"It was very nice." I replied, my smile back. "It was nice to talk so normal again. To fall asleep with you."

"Listen, Sam's back with the coffee."

"Okay. Be careful. You have enough rock salt right? I know Sam usually takes care of it but if you don't have enough and it's more powerful than you think it'll just make it harder. I know how you are. You're stubborn and can be irresponsible." I rambled off to him.

"I know." He told me.

"And I put an extra set of rounds in the inside of your jacket." I said ignoring him. "You tend to use too much ammo and run out. And I hope you still keep that iron knife I got you on your person at all times."

"I do."

"And don't let Sam do anything stupid. Let me know if Ruby's been hanging around and be sure he's being careful. He's the brains of the operation but even he can get carried away."

"Evy."

"And call me when you're done. I'll just be sitting around here trying to make things up to Bobby."

"Evy."

"If you don't call I'll just call you and sometimes it's not always the best time. I don't want to interrupt you if you're about to lose your head."

"Evy!"

"What?" I said finally stopping.

"I love you." He smiled.

"I love you too." I smiled and sighed. "Sorry. Be careful."

"I will. I'll talk to you soon."

"Good."

Setting the phone down, I looked at Windsor who looked like he had a smile on his face. I smiled at him before going and jumping into the shower. The dog followed and laid on the rug to wait for me. I'm sure he had to go out but he was patient enough to wait me out. It was horrible when it felt like the dog took better care of me then I took care of him.

"Morning." I smiled at Bobby as I poured a glass of orange juice. He just grunted at me. Looking at him I noticed the glass of whiskey in his hand. "Isn't it a little early for that?" I asked him. He just grunted at me again. "Bobby." I said following him. "You have barely said a word to me. You can't avoid me forever."

"Sure I can." He said and sat down at his desk, downing the glass before he started to refill it.

"I said I was sorry." I told him. "I'm still sorry. I wasn't expecting you to do something so sweet. And you should have called me."

"So now it's my fault?" He frowned as he downed the glass.

"That's enough." I told him as he started to refill his glass again, taking both the glass and the bottle from him.

"Evy." He frowned as I moved it out of his reach. "Will you knock it off?" He said as he stood.

"No, you listen to me." I said moving between him and the bottle. "You need to stop with all of this. I am so sorry that I hurt you. I really, really am. But you cannot keep this grouchy attitude up. You love me and I love you. Stop trying to drown yourself in hard liquor."

"Maybe you should try it." He frowned at me.

"I have." I frowned back at him. "Last year. Dean had a year to live and I was depressed. I tried the bottle. It didn't help me. It only made me feel worse."

"And look how all that turned out." He frowned and reached around me for the bottle.

I didn't stop him. I couldn't believe he said that. I deserved it, but still. It was his idea for me to stay here. None of this was my fault. If he had told me he wanted to do dinner then I would have been home. He was taking this too hard. Something else was going on but I wasn't about to sit here and have him beat me up for something I already apologized for.

"Fine." I said and went to the door. Stopping with my hand on the knob I turned to him. "Oh, and don't wait up. I won't be home tonight. Wouldn't want you to plan dinner or anything." Windsor let out a low growl and snorted at him before trotting out the door in front of me. I looked at Bobby for a second longer, seeing his expression change before I left, slamming the door behind me.

Storming through the junk yard, I started down the road. About a mile down I regretted not taking a car. Fuming all along the way. How did the day start so well and go downhill so fast? Bobby was just too damn stubborn. I thought I was stubborn but he outdid me with ease. I was ready to fully embrace my bad mood when Windsor froze. His ears perked up as he lifted himself to his full height. His nose was never ceasing as his head whipped back and forth.

"What is it?" I asked him. He stepped into the ditch, his nose to the ground, before he jerked up and ran to my side. "Windsor?" I said as I looked around.

His hackles were raised and his teeth were bared. I took a tentative step forward when three other dogs leapt out of the ditch. All looked twice as big and twice as mean. Home was just a mile and a half behind me. Either way I wasn't going to make it without getting taken down. I was facing a mastiff mix, a shaggy German shepherd, and a Rottweiler. Running wasn't an option. Staying still wasn't an option. Fighting them off wasn't an option. My options were looking pretty grim. Looking at Windsor, he was shifting his weight, ready to defend me. He took a few steps forward. Noticing the signs in his body language, I readied myself, turning to run just as he sprang forward toward the offending dogs. Hearing the sound of their fighting behind me, I recognized Windsor's whine. I slowed and looked over my shoulder only to see the big mastiff looking dog right on my heels. There was another whine and before I made it another five yards the Rottweiler shot past me and spun to a stop in front of me. I veered off into the woods and tried to lose them among the brush. There was barking and growling on all sides. Then there was a voice rising over them.

"Run, Evy! Keep running! Don't look back!" A male voice yelled after me.

The growling intensified and I knew that one of them were right behind me. The next thing I knew my ankle was grabbed and I fell to my stomach, scrambling to try and get to my feet. But the dog was on my back a second later. Its claws were digging into my skin as I screamed in pain. I could feel the blood sliding across my back as it growled and clawed into my shoulder. Fighting against it, I managed to shrug it off of me hard enough to get to my feet. My ankle wouldn't support my weight and I hardly made it five steps before I ended up on my hands and knees. The woods grew quiet as I tried to catch my breath. Twigs were snapping all around me. I knew that they were there. The sound was getting closer but when they came into view it was not a dog. A burly, naked man stood before me. Then another. And another. Confusion started to seep into me. But the biggest of them had blood covering his hands.

Leaning back, I pulled my pant leg up. My ankle was already bruising heavily and hurt like hell, but it hadn't broken the skin. "I wasn't expecting this." I said as I pushed myself up.

"Found you." One told me.

"Okay." I said getting to my feet. "You found me. What is it you plan on doing with me?"

"We're eliminating the threat." Another told me through clenched teeth.

"Do you always do this much talking?" I smirked at them.

Before my eyes he turned into the Rottweiler and launched himself at me. I had enough time to raise my arm before I felt the teeth on it. In the same moment the burly man yelled something out and the Rottweiler immediately stepped back. I looked at my arm to find that there was not a single scratch on it. Lying on the ground I couldn't help but laugh. This was completely unexpected to me. Something I had never seen before but had read enough on.

"Skinwalkers." I said aloud and slowly got back onto my feet. "Was starting to believe that your kind was a myth." The burly mastiff man just looked at me. "Are you going to turn me or would you prefer to just eat my heart?" I asked lifting my arms. I was no match for them and I knew it. They probably had already killed my dog and were now going to kill me. "Sorry, Bobby." I said softly to myself, looking down at my feet.

Looking up at them, they were starting to circle. Starting to come in for the kill. It was ironic with how many dogs I'd owned over the years. Ironic that it would be dogs that would kill me. It was sad how fast I was willing to accept my fate. Then I heard the rustling and knew that all hope was not lost. Not yet. As fast I could, I bent and picked up a rock, tossing it at the burly man as Windsor shot out and latched onto his neck as he bent over from the blow. The other two quickly turned back into their dog forms and went after mine. As much as I wanted to stay and help my dog I knew that he was buying me time. Time that I would need to try and get away. But the mastiff had more than likely broken my ankle and I, once again, didn't make it ten yards before the mastiff was once again tackling me down. As soon as my face hit the ground he turned back into a man, stepping up to me. The last thing I saw was his fist colliding with my face.

* * *

><p>My writs were dripping blood as I leaned forward in the chair, no longer able to keep myself back against it. By my count it'd been at least three days of this torture. Not only was I bound but also gagged so I'd be unable to call for help. Cass would have been here in an instant if I were able to speak. Even thinking about him didn't bring him to me. But time didn't mean much. The longer I was here the longer I spent unconscious. The stupid dogs came and went. Sometimes leaving me alone for half a day. They seemed to be searching for something. By the sound of it they weren't finding it. They spent most of their time whispering in the other room. At times I could hear parts of what they were saying. They answered to someone higher than them. Someone they were afraid of. But they were just lowly foot soldiers. I knew that the end of the world was coming and I should have expected the monster world to come together but this sounded like something else. Something bigger was going down deep in the demonic fold. Something that, at this rate, I would never be able to tell anyone.<p>

"He's not coming!" One yelled from the other room. "Let's just kill her now! Or better yet, turn her!"

"No!" The mastiff's voice yelled back. "We are not going to kill her. Not yet."

"Then what do we do?" The German shepherd, a lanky, malnourished man asked.

"I'm not sure yet. He's out there. We just have to flush him out. We need to contain this. I have no idea what he's got planned. If he gets out and starts his own pack then we're all dead." Mastiff told his comrades.

"She's going to die of blood loss if we keep doing what we're doing. She needs to eat and drink something." The shepherd told them.

"The second that that gag is removed she'll call for help and help will come." The Rottweiler replied.

"Maybe that's what we need." Mastiff stated.

"No." Shepherd said shaking his head. He was the only one I could see. "If she calls out then it's the angel that comes. I'm the one who's been staking out the place. The last thing we need is the angel. We'll be dead in seconds." A silence fell amongst them. "Besides, we didn't come for her."

"But she's what we got." The Rottweiler told him. "And I'm getting hungry."

He walked into the room and for a second I thought that this was it. That I was going to die. The stupid Rottweiler was going to eat my heart and leave me to rot. All three of them lined themselves up in front of me. Looking up at them through my eyelashes as best I could. The Rottweiler kneed me in the face, forcing my back against the chair. I choked on my own blood, unable to move it past the gag in my mouth. My tongue was swollen, my cheeks raw, my lips cracked and bleeding. At this point I didn't care if I were killed. It would be merciful. I couldn't feel my hands anymore. My broken ankle was swollen to twice its size. I'd lost most of the feeling in my legs from sitting for so long. Even if I was freed right now there was no chance I'd walk out of here. They'd won. They'd beaten me down. There was no fight left in me. The Rottweiler turned back into his dog form, bending down, ready to spring, when there was a commotion in the next room. They all turned toward it. The two still in human form went to investigate as the Rottweiler watched me. He growled and paced as he waited for his companions to come back. There was an even louder commotion and then a figure appeared in the doorway, I barely caught a glimpse before the dog attacked. But then there was a yelp and the room grew quiet. Footsteps approached and a hand touched my face. A man's face appeared in my vision as my head was slowly brought forward. His face looked pained as he took in my expression. His hair grazed his shoulders, layered toward the front. He gently removed the gag from my mouth before he untied my hands and legs.

"It's going to be okay." He told me gently. "I've got you."

My voice wouldn't work as he slowly lifted me into his arms. Pain erupted throughout my body but I didn't have the energy to show it. He carried me into the next room, laying me down on the bed. It felt so nice compared to the hard chair I'd been sitting in for days. As soon as his arms were out from under me he darted away. There was clanking around and running water before he reappeared. Lifting my head, he ever so slowly, dripped water into my mouth. It took several tries before I managed to get a mouthful down. It hurt like hell. Moving my tongue sent just as much pain as my ankle did. He moved there next.

"It's dislocated." He told me. "You'll be okay as soon as I put it back into place. But it's going to hurt."

In the next moment pain erupted and I groaned past my wounded tongue as tears streamed from the corners of my eyes. He wrapped my ankle before going into the other room again. When he returned he had a bowl of steaming water with a rag in it. He grabbed a bottle from the nightstand and poured some into the water. It looked like iodine. If it was then I was in for a lot more pain before this was over. But he was gentle as he cleaned my wounds and bandaged me up. All the while I kept my eyes on his face. I could hardly move but I kept my eyes on him in case something happened. Even though there was nothing I could do about it. His expression was always worried as he worked. I didn't know where he came from but I was grateful for him. There was whining from the next room and he turned his head toward the door. Windsor was my last thought before I fell unconscious.

Waking to gentle licking on my hand, I opened my eyes to see Windsor's brown eyes. Tears came to my eyes as I looked at him, happy that he was still alive. I attempted to roll over to embrace him but found that I still couldn't move. He rested his head on my abdomen and let out a soft moan. I put my hand on his head before drifting back to sleep.

The next time I woke up the man was once again tending to me. When he noticed I was awake he gave me a small smile. As his hand moved across the lacerations on my stomach, I gently grasped his hand. He paused and looked at me.

"Thank you." I managed to get past my lips.

"You're welcome." He smiled. "You've had me worried though. You slept for two days, woke up, and now another day has gone by. I've managed to clean your wounds and keep away infection. I just hope there's no internal bleeding." He said as his smile disappeared. "I would have brought you back to Bobby's but I'm not leaving you alone and you're in no condition to move."

"How do you know Bobby?" I asked, happy to exercise my tongue again.

"We'll talk about that later." He told me. "Right now we need to get you better."

"Where's my dog?"

"He's outside watching the perimeter."

"He's such a good dog." I smiled as my lids felt heavy again.

"Sleep, he'll be here when you wake up." He said sweetly and gently caressed my face as sleep took me.

Waking a third time, I felt twice as better than the last time. I was alone in the room. The house was quiet. Slowly sitting up, I was happy to feel like myself. There was no dizziness or lightheadedness. Moving my feet over the edge I looked down at my ankle. It was its normal size again. Slowly getting to my feet I tested its strength. It was still tender but it supported my weight. Griping my right side, where it was most painful, I moved through the house. It was empty. It looked like it had been cleaned up. I went to the room where I had been kept to see it spotless. The blood was gone. The chair. Everything. I heard panting outside and quickly moved to the window. Smiling when I saw Windsor sitting, watching the woods. Then my stomach dropped as he turned into the man who had been helping me. For a second I couldn't move, my eyes locked onto him. He was lean and muscled. A nearly perfect physic. He ran his fingers through his straight hair. Shock moved through me, shortly followed by what that meant. Moving into the entryway, standing in the doorframe, I watched him put on clothes. When he turned and saw me he froze.

"You're one of them?" I frowned as tears brimmed in my eyes. "You're one of them and you never told me?" Anger was starting to boil, mixing with the heated tears.

"I can explain." He told me quickly.

"You're my dog. You're a fucking skinwalker. What else is there to explain?" I frowned and turned back into the house.

"Evy, wait." He said rushing in after me.

Going into the kitchen I started to pace. Thinking back on everything I'd done in my dog's presence was now making me nauseous.

"Oh my God." I said and looked up at him. "Oh my fucking God." A hard frown on my face.

"I know what you must be thinking." He told me. "I never watched anything."

"Shut up!" I yelled holding up my hands. "Just…shut up. I can't believe this is happening to me. I trusted you."

"You still can." He said pleadingly.

"I trusted you!" I yelled shoving him in his chest, the scabs on my wrists cracking.

"I'm sorry, okay?" He said dropping to his knees. "Please, Evy, just hear me out." Pacing in front of him, I finally sat in a chair and nodded at him. "When you found me I was in hiding. Moving from town to town, just trying to get by. The men that attacked you were my old pack. We used to be twenty. Now there is just me." He said and paused. "The leader of our pack wanted us to create a sleeper cell. The world is coming to an end. You've been trying to save it and he thought he'd take advantage of the situation and get rich before the world doesn't end and things go back to normal. I'm not going to tell you that I've always loved humans. My kind has been hunted for generations. Hunted like the monsters they said we were. Do I look like a monster?" He asked.

"How do you want me to respond to that?" I asked. "I've been taking care of you for a long time now."

"And I appreciate that." He nodded.

"Continue your story." I told him.

He nodded again. "Anyway. I refused to do what they wanted. I wasn't going to turn the family I was living with. I refused and so did several others from the pack. Most were killed. Some of us, like me, got away. I fled and they chased me. The three I killed when I rescued you have been after me ever since. I've always chosen to run. Always taken off the second I smell them. But they attacked you and I promised myself that I would never let anything happen to you."

"Did you know who I was?" I asked.

"Yes." He nodded. "I knew who you were which is why I stuck around the bar for so long. I'd just got away from the trio and was starving. I recognized you and saw how much pain you were in. I stuck around to help, planning to leave once you got back on your feet, but I couldn't. I'd grown attached. That and you took really good care of me. The least I could do was do the same for you."

"And you did." I said with a shaky voice as tears ran down my cheeks. "You've been such a good dog. But now I feel like I've been watched by a pervert for months."

"You haven't been. I swear." He said reaching out for me.

"Don't!" I yelled, backing away from him.

"Evy, you don't have to be afraid of me." He told me gently. "I promise you that you don't."

"And I believe you." I replied. "I really do. But you've been lying to me. I've told you so many things that I've never told anyone. You have been more intimately connected to me and now that you're a man it makes me sick." I finished with a frown.

"I know." He nodded. "I remember everything you told me. Remember everything you've done. Including the sex while I'm in the room. I totally get now how some people refuse to have sex with their pet in the room." I couldn't help but smile at that. "Is that a smile?" He asked with one of his own.

"Don't do that." I told him, frowning again. "Don't think we're friends."

"I'm your _best_ friend. And you're mine." He replied as he stood, walking up to me. He squatted in front of me, looking up into my eyes. "I know that I lied and that I don't deserve to be forgiven. But if there is one person I've ever truly trusted and cared about…it's you. You've been a fantastic friend and I don't want to lose you to this."

"Were you ever going to tell me?" I asked.

"Yes, I was." He said matter-of-factly. "When the time was right. When I didn't think you needed me anymore. I was going to tell you."

I couldn't help but laugh at that and nod at him. "It's no wonder then why you never told me."

"I thought that when Cass came you'd be happy again and I could just run away and you'd be okay. Then Cass left. Then Cass came back and I thought that it was just delayed and that you'd be happy. Then he took you to Dean and all hell broke loose."

"Yeah it did." I nodded.

"And after that I figured there was no time to tell you so I kept being your dog. Kept helping you hunt and fell in love with your little screwed up family." He told me.

"Just don't tell me that you're in love with me." I stated.

He laughed. "I'm not _in_ love with you, but I do love you. You are a good person. No matter what happens you always look on the bright side and make it through. Even though it's not how you had planned you still survive. You bounce back from everything."

"Most of the time I think I'm a horrible person. After everything that I've done to the men I love." I told him.

"Yeah, I know. You've told me." He smiled. I smiled back, letting him take my hand as he reached out for it. "But you are so good that it's not even funny. You may not always make the right decisions but you follow your heart. I've never seen anyone follow their heart as closely as you do."

"Then you should be able to tell me who I'm supposed to choose." I stated flatly.

"I can't do that." He said shaking his head.

"Why not? You of all people know exactly how I feel for both of them. What I've said and everything. You need to tell me who to pick. Because I don't know." I said hearing how pathetic I probably sounded.

"Evy…" He said gently running his hand down my hair. "You love so deeply. You love both of them so deeply. I am not going to be responsible for you picking the wrong one based on what I have to say."

"Please, just tell me what you think." I pleaded.

For a moment he just looked at me, and then he nodded. "Okay. If we're going by everything I've seen and heard, with an unbiased eye, I'd have to tell you to give Cass a try. A good try. None of this sneaking around but a God honest try."

"You're the first to ever say that." I told him.

"I know." He nodded. "I'm also the first to see the two of you together. I watched your relationship grow and I know how much he loves you."

"What about the fact that he's an angel?"

"He'll make time for you. He always does and he always will. It's killing him not being with you. It'll kill Dean too but at some point you have to stop thinking about everyone else and just think about you. As selfish as that sounds. If you want to be happy then think about you and no one else. For just a little while."

"What about Bobby?" I asked. "The whole reason we're staying with him is because I can't pick."

"He's knows you're going to go for Cass. He told me himself." He confided.

"You could be really nice to have around." I smirked at him.

"Maybe. But I have a feeling you're going to kick me out now that you know." He said and let go of my hand as he stood up.

"Maybe." I replied. "I'm not sure another guy around would do much good."

"Hey, I'm like your big brother." He smiled.

I laughed, "That's true."

There was a long pause before he asked, "What are you thinking?"

Sighing, I stood and eyed him. "I think we should be getting back to Bobby's. If you haven't told him I'm alive then we're both in very big trouble. By now Dean will know I'm missing. I'm shocked Cass hasn't shown up yet."

"Have you called for him?"

"No. I haven't been able to until now and I've been talking to you." I replied. "What's your name anyway?"

"Sorry." He smiled. "Lincoln Parks." He told me holding out his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Lincoln Parks." I smiled and shook it.

"Are we past all the awkwardness now?" He asked.

"For now." I told him. "I'm not stupid enough to think I'll get out of here without help. Not very fast anyway."

"Fair enough." He nodded at me.

Putting my arm out to him, he moved to my side, wrapping his arm around me. Outside the door there were only woods. Neither of us knew how far in we were. I was unconscious for the journey and Lincoln had been too busy staying alive. It took another day before we even reached anything that looked familiar. At this point, Lincoln was carrying me off and on. It was crazy how useful he was as a man. I questioned him almost continuously about his kind while we walked. It passed the time and I wanted to learn as much as I could about him. Since he knew so much about me.

"I didn't realize being a dog was so hard." I laughed after we argued about the food I had been feeding him. "Iams is a very respectable brand and it's good for you. When you're a dog anyway. And it's not like I never gave you any scrapes. I gave you lots of yummy things that aren't good for dogs."

"Yeah, all the plain hamburgers I can eat." He smiled and winked at me.

Laughing, a sense of relief filled me as we finally made it to the road. "I wonder where Cass is." I said looking to the sky. The sky was clear, letting the stars shine through. "I figured he'd sense me and come."

"Call for him." Lincoln told me.

"No. Not yet. If Dean's with Bobby then I'll call him. But if he senses that I'm okay then he's staying away for a reason." I replied.

"If you say so." Lincoln said unbelievingly.

The sun was a line on the horizon when Bobby's house came into view. As we walked into the junk yard I could see the Impala by the house.

"Looks like your husband is here." Lincoln stated. "Want me to call the angel?"

"Not yet. He could be inside." I told him. "Besides, it'll be less of a headache with only three people yelling at me instead of four."

"Excuses. Excuses." He said shaking his head at me.

"Stop it or I'll make you turn back into a dog." I said gently hitting his chest. "And let's not mention who you are until it is absolutely necessary."

"Yes, master." He smirked.

"Have I mentioned that I don't like you very much?" I frowned at him.

"You don't like me. You love me." He grinned as we approached the door.

Releasing Lincoln, I stood on my own as I let myself into the house. It seemed overly quiet. I didn't call out to them, unsure of what was going on. I went to the kitchen first, then the study. They weren't there so I went to the living room. They were all there. All of them looked like they'd given up. Like I was once again dead in their eyes. In their defense I'd been gone for over a week. Only I was a hunter. A capable hunter. They shouldn't have crossed me off just yet. Even Cass was there with his head in his hands. It must have been a recent decision by the looks of it.

"Jeez, guys. Who died?" I asked them.

They all looked up at me and there was a tangible sense of relief in the room. I simply smiled as they all got to their feet. Dean was the closest to me but Cass reached me first. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I breathed him in, so happy to feel his arms around me. Dean was next. He too felt good against me, his hands squeezing me so tightly. Even Sam was a sight for sore eyes. Though from their expressions I gathered I still looked like crap. Last was Bobby. I had seen sorrow on his face. I'd known him to be sorry. But the expression he wore now was neither of those. It was pure guilt. My heart ached at the sight of him. It was ridiculous for him to blame himself for what happened. I was the one who left. Not him. He may have shut down but I should have stayed and made things right. Not gotten angry and stormed out to what was nearly my death. If my dog hadn't actually been a man I probably would have died. Unable to help my tears, I ran to him, bad ankle and all, throwing my arms around his neck. Crying into him, he hugged me so hard that I couldn't breathe. When he finally let me go, his own face was tear stained and red. I couldn't help but laugh as I took his face in my hands. He smiled and hugged me again. Taking a step away from him, I found myself in a circle of men. A circle of people who loved me and who I loved in return. It was wonderful. I hated seeing them in pain at my expense. But it always turned out okay in the end. Even now smiles were starting to grow on their faces.

"What happened?" Dean asked. "Where have you been?"

"And who is he?" Sam asked.

"This is Lincoln." I told them. "He saved my life."

"Thank you." Cass said holding out his hand to him.

Lincoln looked at me before taking it. "No problem."

"So what happened?" Dean asked again.

"Before we get into what happen can I ask you something?" I asked Bobby.

"Anything." He smiled.

"Can I have a beer?" I said and laughed.

Everyone laughed as they all embraced me at the same time, even Lincoln. Bobby left, returning with a beer for everyone. I downed mine in under a minute. It tasted amazing. But the next thing my body needed was a hot shower and something to eat. I asked for both, not surprised when they were overly accommodating. They probably would have followed me into the bathroom to shower if it hadn't been for Lincoln. Though I wouldn't have minded if Cass had appeared. What Lincoln told me kept rolling around in my head. Even as a man he was protecting me. Letting him speak freely and they seemed to listen to him. Probably because I stood behind him and allowed him to talk to them the way he did. Without fear or repercussion. It was welcomed. I didn't want to be overwhelmed by them. Not yet. I was filthy and smelly and wounded. But after a nice hot shower I felt twice as good. When I went downstairs there was a feast waiting for me on the table. The same that I had missed the night with Bobby. They all sat and watched as Lincoln and I ate as much food as our stomachs could hold. Then we took another beer and went into the living room. Lincoln stayed at my side while the others sat around me. Dean was at my other side, anxious. Cass was across from me while Sam and Bobby stood. They were all looking at me with expectant expressions. I was about to start in on my story when Bobby spoke first.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"Bobby, it's not your fault." I said looking up at him.

He shook his head as he looked at me, pacing away as he ran his hand down his face. My face and body were still littered with cuts and bruises. Most were concealable but some were so blatantly obvious I could understand the look on his face. But it was the guilt I was having trouble with.

"Bobby…" I said standing, going to him. "You need to stop blaming yourself. It is not your fault."

"Yes it is." He said facing me. "I pushed you away. You left because I couldn't let go of my anger. I was embarrassed and I took it out on you."

"I'm the one who's embarrassed. I should have called." I told him.

"No." He said shaking his head as he took my hands in his. "You didn't do anything wrong. I just wanted to do something nice after all the bad that's happened. All the pain and confusion. I just wanted to do something nice."

I smiled, putting my hand on his cheek. "It was the sweetest thing anyone's done for me in a long time. Thank you, Bobby. I appreciate the gesture more than I can say. You are a wonderful man."

"It's not just that." He said and averted his eyes.

"What is it?" I frowned at him.

He paused and for a moment just looked at me with such sad eyes. "I put a pendant in your pocket to keep you hidden from angels."

"You what?" I frowned. "Bobby…"

"Cass would have been able to find you if I hadn't done it."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't trust that you wouldn't call for him while you were here." He said depressingly.

"Such little faith you have in me." I stated still frowning.

"I know." He said and took a step away from me.

"So even if I had called for him I still would have been stuck there." I said and ran my fingers through my hair.

"You never called for him?" Sam asked.

"There wasn't an opportunity. I spent most of my time there gagged or too weak to speak." I told him. They all put on their sad expressions for that. "You guys, it's okay. I'm fine. I got out and I'm perfectly fine. A bit broken and bruised but I'm okay."

"I'm still sorry." He said with a bowed head.

"Enough." I said and hit his shoulder. "This is where it ends. For all of you. Now, do you wanna hear what happened? It's actually kind of an interesting story."

He nodded and I returned to my seat next to Lincoln. For a moment I gathered myself. I never liked talking about myself or the things that have happened to me. After it's done I just want to wash my hands of it. But in this room that wouldn't happen until I told them everything. So I did. I divulged all the information that I had gleaned during my stay with the skinwalkers. Explained everything that had happened with as much detail as I could. Telling them almost everything, keeping a few things to myself. They were quiet as I talked. Not saying anything, even when there were drawn out pauses. Even when I was done I had told them enough to quench any thoughts they had about skinwalkers and what had taken place.

"There is only one thing I don't understand." Bobby said pointing a finger at me.

"And what's that?" I asked.

"How does _he_ fit in to all of this?" He asked, his finger now pointing at Lincoln.

"And now that I think about it, where's Windsor?" Dean added.

"That…is a good question." I said looking at them, not really sure how to put it. "Um…Windsor is here…just not how you know him." They all exchanged glances before all their eyes darted to Lincoln. I nodded and looked at him as well. "I always thought he understood too much." I smiled trying to joke off the tension that had grown in the room.

"You son of a bitch." Dean said as he stood, bringing his arm back for a punch.

Darting up, I caught his fist in my hand, pushing him back. "I don't think so, Dean. You can be pissed as much as you like, believe me, I've been there, but he is still my dog and I will not let you hurt him."

"He's a frickin skinwalker for God's sake!" He yelled at me. "Hiding in plain sight!"

"I don't care." I said as I kept my place in front of Lincoln. "It's weird, I know. But he's been a part of this family for a long time now. We've all confided something in that dog and now that we know what he is, it changes things, but not the part of him being family."

"Hello." Cass said extending his hand to Lincoln.

"Nice to finally be able to talk to you." Lincoln smiled and shook Cass's hand.

"Thank you." I smiled at him.

"Aw, hell." Bobby said coming forward. "Stupid mutt." He said holding out his hand.

"I'm a purebred lab, thank you very much." Lincoln smirked as he took Bobby's hand.

Sam was next. Then there was Dean. I could see the anger on his face and could only imagine what was going through his mind. He never did come forward. He simply shook his head and left the room, hearing the door slam behind him. I looked at the room of men before I went after him.

"Dean." I called after him.

"Not now." He told me angrily.

"What is wrong?" I asked still following him. "Why are you so upset about this? It's not like I knew what he was."

"He's just one more guy to add on the list of men that are in your life. The ones that have taken you from me." He shot at me, turning as he put his face only inches from mine.

"So you're just going to let your jealously rule you now?" I asked him as I crossed my arms. "He's not like you and Cass. He doesn't feel that way for me. He's like a brother I never knew I had. He's been there through everything with me. He's been told so many things that he probably knows all of us better than we know ourselves. Since he was a dog no one ever cared what they were telling him because they never thought he'd repeat any of it. Well, guess what? He's a man and he knows many secrets."

"Like what?" He asked as he paced away from me.

"Like you love me but you know that things aren't getting any better. We put a Band-Aid on things but it never lasts. It's a leak in the hose. He knows how angry you are even though you don't show it. How much you hate me sometimes."

"I don't hate you." He told me.

"Yes, I think you do." I replied. "I've caused nothing but trouble and pain for you. Sleepless nights. Wondering what I'm doing when I'm not with you. Wondering if I mean what I do and say when I am." He just looked at me. "I get it, Dean. I can't say that I wouldn't think the same thing. Or that I didn't when you slept with Cassie."

"That was a long time ago." He told me.

"I know." I told him. "I'm just trying to prove that I get it."

"I thought we were going to work things out but it just keeps getting worse and worse." He said crossing his arms.

"I know. I wish I could say that it was going to get better." I told him gently.

"I guess it's safe to say that it's not."

"Lincoln told me to be with Cass." I blurted out.

For a moment it looked like I slapped him in the face. Then he scoffed and shook his head. "I'm done anyway. I can't keep fighting for you. We haven't been us since I got back. Cass had you from the moment you saw him. You married me out of pity and guilt. Now I can't keep you."

"I tried." I told him. "I did. It's just -"

"You love Cass more." He finished for me.

"I don't think it's more, it's just…different."

"And it's what you want."

"What if I'm wrong?" I asked him. "I can't ask you to keep waiting for me and I know that you won't. I just don't know what to do anymore. But I can't keep stringing you two around behind each other's backs. It's not fair to anyone."

"So you're finally going to be honest about it." He told me. "I've been waiting for you to leave me. Now's as good a time as ever."

"So what does that mean? Divorce?" I asked, a depression seeping into me.

"No." He said just looking at me. "We're just not together anymore. There's no point in doing it the legal way. Probably won't live out the year anyway."

"I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so very sorry." I told him as tears slid down my cheeks. "I wish it could be like before."

"I know. Me too." He replied and stepped up to me. "But it's okay. We'll be okay."

I warily put my arms on his shoulders. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me. Doing the same, I rested my head on his shoulder. Hugging him tightly. When he released me, I took a step back from him, looking him in his eyes.

"Is it too much to ask that I keep tagging along though?" I asked sheepishly. "I know I shouldn't and have no right but I just…I just don't want to lose you completely. I can't do that."

"Yeah, you don't have any right." He said looking at me. "But I'm not going to make you go on your own. I know he's not going to be around as much. And I can't lose you completely either."

"Thank you." I told him.

"Maybe I can be the other guy." He said with his half smile.

I couldn't help but laugh. I embraced him again, running my hand down the back of his head. "I do love you, Dean Winchester."

"I love you too, Evy Winchester." He replied.

"It still sounds nice." I said sweetly.

"Maybe someday we'll be us again." He said and put his hand on my face before he walked away from me.

As soon as he was out of sight there was another arm around my waist, knowing who it was before I looked at him. "I'm a horrible person." I said sadly.

"Only to some." Cass's husky voice said sweetly in my ear.

"Did you hear it all?" I asked. He remained silent, answering my question for me. "Do you think we can do it?" I asked finally looking at him.

"Yes." He replied confidently.

"Are you sure? I'm taking a huge chance on you, Cass. It's what we've both wanted. I just hope that we weren't wrong and that I didn't cause all of this pain for no reason." I told him seriously. Afraid of making the wrong decision, no matter what my heart was telling me.

"I've never been more sure about anything in my whole existence." He said and kissed me deeply, making everything else fall away. "I will make things right with Dean."

"Thank you." I smiled and kissed him again.

He smiled before releasing me, walking in the direction Dean had gone. I turned back to the house, terrified of going back in. When I finally did, Lincoln was the first I saw.

"Doing what I told you to do?" He asked. I nodded in response and he pulled me into a tight hug. "That's what we all thought."

"Do they hate me?" I asked him sadly.

"No." He said shaking his head as he put his arm across my shoulders. "They could never hate you. They love you more then you'll ever know. They just hate that it couldn't be what they had expected."

"If Dean hadn't died…" I said and shook my head.

"Then things would be different." He finished for me. "No one asks for these kinds of things to happen. And when they do we can only hope that it ends the best way that it can. You didn't ask for Dean to die. You didn't ask for Cass to appear. You didn't ask for any of it but you did the best with what you were given. You thought Dean was gone. You moved on. He understands that. But being the one to come back when the world has moved on without you is hell. As much a hell as the hell he left. You were true to him in as many ways as you could be. He appreciates the effort you put in. It just sucks for him that he didn't come out on top. But you were honest." He finished and gave me a small smile. I nodded at him. "You don't have to beat yourself up so much. It's okay to love Cass. It's okay to love Dean. It's okay no matter what you do."

"You're just trying to make me feel better." I smiled up at him.

"He's right." Bobby said coming into the room with Sam right behind him. "You're still my girl and you're still part of the family. We all knew that this day was coming. Cass is a lucky man. And Dean will always be there if ever it doesn't work out. No matter what he says. You say the word and he's yours again."

"That isn't comforting, Bobby. That hurts more." I told him.

"I know. The truth hurts, sweetheart." He said and then gave me a small smile.

"I'm going to turn in for the night. You boys behave." I said and went upstairs.

My mind was racing as I got ready for bed. Even in the security of my locked room, curled up in bed, I couldn't slow the thoughts that were running through my head. Soon my eyes welled with tears and my body was racked with silent sobs. Curling into myself, I covered my eyes with my hands and sobbed. I didn't know how long I laid there when I heard his wings and felt the bed shift as he crawled onto it next to me. My sobs only intensified as his arm moved around my waist and he pulled me against him. His lips were warm and gentle as they caressed my skin. His fingers gently moving up and down my arm. Then he put his face against my neck and simply laid with me as I cried. There were no words. But I had to go through it. Had to feel it. Or whatever happened next would mean nothing.


	34. Changes

_**Chapter Thirty-four: Changes**_

The house was quiet. Everyone had left to take care of a job in South Dakota. They'd be gone a few days and that would give me time to wrap my head around the decision I had made and what that meant. What I would do when Cass was off fighting his war. How to deal with Dean when his anger at me would surface, wondering if I should just stay with Bobby for a while longer. Working on my own, doing the odd jobs in the surrounding area. I also wasn't sure what Lincoln was going to do. I almost didn't want him to leave. But he had his own life to live now that his secret was out. He agreed to accompany the men as a favor to me. Cass as well. Though I didn't think that Cass would stay away the whole time. As much as I hoped he'd stay away at the same time I wanted him here. Wanted him to pop in and out even if it was just for a minute.

Sitting up against the headboard I had my journal and pages littering the bed. My sketchbook and pencils lying everywhere. On top of that I had a mess of beer bottles littering the room. You'd think I was depressed or something. Or a shut in terrified of what lay outside the door. I only ever left to use the bathroom, sneaking around as if people were in the house, not wanting to be caught, and always relocking the door when I returned. Now that they were gone, I'd go to the fridge to grab another six-pack before taking it back upstairs with me.

On the eve of the second night, Cass appeared. It took him longer than I had expected but I wasn't upset that he was here.

"Hey." I smiled when he appeared in the room. He took one look around the room before frowning at me. "I might have been a little lazy." I told him, feeling the need to explain myself.

"What are you working on?" He asked as he took in everything on the bed.

"Anything and everything." I told him. "I'm just going through everything and adding or changing as I go. I added Skinwalkers with before and after drawings of the three bad dogs and then of Lincoln. Are you all being nice to him?"

He smiled and cleared a spot so he could sit down. "Yes, we are all on our best behavior."

"I hope so." I said and leaned against him.

He wrapped his arm around me, kissing the top of my head. "How are you doing?" He asked gently.

"I'm fine." I said leaning away from him so I could look at him.

"Any regrets?" He asked.

"Yes." I told him honestly. "But not where you're concerned." I added putting my hand on his cheek. "Never with you."

He leaned in and kissed me deeply. "This is kind of nice, you being here all alone." He said with a small smile.

"Is it?" I asked with a grin.

He nodded before pulling me into a passionate kiss. Soon everything was shoved off the bed and he laid me down on it. His lips were warm against my skin. Moving up and down my body. The room seemed to heat up instantaneously. I melted against him as he lowered himself down on top of me, his lips pressing against mine. Soon our clothes were lost and we made love for the first time without a shred of guilt. No one else lingering in the back of either of our minds. We were one with each other. There was a sense of freedom. For a moment it almost felt like we were flying. Then we were back in the real world, lying in each other arms. Resting my head on his chest, I happily listened to his heartbeat, his chest rising and falling against my ear. I was content to just lay here with him. If we could remain like his forever I would willingly do it, never to tire.

"Are you happy?" He asked, his voice radiating through my body.

"Very." I replied and rested my chin on his chest so I could look at him.

"Good." He smiled as he gently caressed my face.

Taking his hand in mine, I placed a long kiss against the back of it, closing my eyes as I kept it against my lips. Putting his other hand on my neck, he gently pulled me forward. I put my hand on his face as I kissed him deeply, straddling him. Moving my lips to his jaw line, then his neck, moving down his chest and up again. He ran his fingers through my hair as we looked into each other's eyes. Smiling, I kept my eyes on his as I gently kissed him before playfully biting his chin. He gave a subtle laugh and hugged me tighter against him.

"God, I love you." I smiled as he gently tickled me.

"I love you more." He smiled and kissed me.

"Do you get to stay all night?" I asked with a mischievous grin.

He gave me one back before he shook his head. "No. I told them I wouldn't be gone long. By now they probably know where I am and Dean will be fuming with jealousy."

"He'll be okay…right?" I asked him.

"Yes he will." He said sweetly. "He knows that he hasn't lost you completely."

"Okay." I said and rested my head on his chest again. "How much time do we have then?" I asked him.

"Long enough." He said and turned onto his side, pulling me with him, cradling me against his chest. "Long enough." He repeated and started to gently trail his fingers through my hair.

The last thing I remembered was his lips against my ear, his breath warm against my skin. It was the best night's sleep I'd had in a while. As nice as it was, I still woke up alone. Sighing, I pulled the pillow he had used against my face, breathing in his lingering smell. I couldn't help but smile. Getting up, I took a glorious shower and cleaned up the room before moving to the rest of the house. I poured myself a glass of wine and turned on my iPod, turning it up loud through Bobby's too old stereo system. After the dishes I vacuumed, then moved to the fridge, and finally tackled the bathrooms, even though the thought terrified me. But it was nice to feel productive. Much better than all the sitting and sleeping I'd been doing. When the sun went down, I lit several candles in the living room and drank a bottle of wine as I listened to music, letting the sound move through me. It was peaceful. I hardly remembered the second half of the night, waking up to the wine glass being taken from my hand. Frowning, I opened my eyes to see Dean.

"Hey." I said sitting up, running my fingers through my hair. "You're back."

"Yeah, just got in." He said sitting next to me. "Have a fun time without us?" He asked as he picked up the bottle, feeling its emptiness.

"I did actually." I smiled. "The second half was better than the first but it was nice to have a little alone time. How was the hunt?"

"It was good. We took care of it and came home." He replied.

"I'm glad."

"I want to apologize." He said turning to face me.

"For what?" I frowned at him.

"For the way I've acted." He said lowering his eyes.

"Dean, you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all. None of this is your fault." I frowned harder.

"Yes it is." He told me. "I could've done more. I should have done more and now it's too little too late. Cass and I had a nice heart to heart."

"You did?" I asked cautiously.

"I don't hate him, Evy. He's a good guy." He replied.

"I know." I said quietly.

"I'm happy he's going to be around."

"Thank you." I said taking his hand.

"Anytime." He smiled and stood.

"Same goes for you." I smiled back.

Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss on my cheek before walking away. Still smiling, I watched him go. A few minutes later Lincoln peeked his head around the corner before coming and falling down onto the couch.

"So, I kinda love these guys." He smiled at me. "I mean, I have for a while, but it was fun. I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. Lots of talking and drinking."

"I hear Cass and Dean had a heart to heart." I said with a raised brow.

"Yup." He nodded.

"And?" I asked.

"And what?" He said with a shrug.

"Come on!" I frowned and hit his shoulder. "What's the point of having a spy dog if he never brings home the bacon?"

He laughed, "I didn't realize I was your spy dog."

"It should have been a given." I smiled at him.

He laughed again and shook his head at me, putting an arm around my shoulders. "Well, now that you mention it, I did overhear something."

"Please tell me." I said scooting closer to him.

"They came to terms with what's happening. Dean said that he would never stop loving you. Cass accepts that but loves you more than he can say. Dean acknowledges that but that doesn't change the feelings he has for you. Cass appreciates his honesty but plans on staying with you for as long as you'll take him."

"So, it's still a who's-got-a-bigger-claim sort of thing?" I asked.

"No. It's more about two men who are in love with the same woman sort of thing. Two men who are trying to make peace with each other and still try and keep you in any sense of the word. As well as keep each other. They were friends before and they want to stay friends after."

"I'm not even worth all of this." I said as I stood, rubbing my face with both my hands as I started to pace.

"You're the only one who thinks that." Lincoln replied as he stood, stopping my pacing. "You're so lucky to have found not just one but two men who would give their lives to you, _for _you. If I remember correctly there was a third that passed away." I nodded at him. "So, you may not see it, but there is something so special about you that you draw people in. Draw them in and make them care. I am so proud of you. You're modest and kind. You're beautiful and loving. I am so privileged to know you."

"I guess I've fooled you too." I smirked at him.

"Nah, I've got that sixth sense only dogs have. I'm not that easy to fool." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Your man is waiting for his turn." I smiled at him as he left the room.

He passed Cass in the doorway, smiling at him. Then Cass was walking toward me and butterflies started to move in my stomach. Smiling, he reached his hand out to me. I quickly put mine in his and he pulled me into him. Wrapping one arm around his neck, the other around his back, I buried my face in his neck. He buried his face in my hair as he held me tightly.

"I'm glad you're back." I told him, kissing his shoulder.

"You feel amazing." He whispered in my ear.

"You smell amazing." I said releasing him enough to look at him.

"I may have picked up something per Lincoln's suggestion." He said with a small smile.

Gently squeezing the sweet spots on his sides, I managed a grin from him. Grinning back, I leaned up and kissed him sweetly. "He's a smart dog."

"Perhaps we should stop referring to him as a dog." He said and kissed me again.

Just then, the chocolate lab came trotting in and leaned against our legs, a happy grin on his face. Cass and I looked at each other before laughing, each gently pulling on one of his ears.

* * *

><p>Over the next month I was with Cass as often as I could, which turned out to be nearly constantly. Zapping here and there as we worked on trying to save the seals. When things got heavy then I'd spend some time with the boys and then with Bobby and Lincoln, who had decided to stay with the old man for a while. Though I missed my dog hanging around, it was alright that he was a man. He was my Jiminy Cricket. Always a phone call away if I needed him. Depending on who I was with I needed him sometimes more than others. Now, for instance, wasn't one of those times.<p>

"You're so beautiful." Cass whispered as he trailed his fingers up and down my naked form.

Grinning, I leaned forward and kissed him deeply. "Not as much as you are." I whispered back as I trailed my fingers down his bare chest. He just grinned and kissed me deeply.

"I love you." He smiled.

"I love you more." I smiled and kissed him again.

He smiled wider and rolled on top of me, kissing me passionately. Moving my knees to his sides, I wrapped my arms around him. Making love to him felt like the first time every time. Ever since we were no longer sneaking around, it felt so much better. So much more normal and freeing. Then we lay in each other's arms, happy and free.

"What are you thinking?" He asked.

"Just how happy I am." I smiled and kissed him.

"Are you…happy?" He asked uneasily.

"Why would you even ask that?" I asked my smile fading.

"I just want to make sure." He said without meeting my eyes.

"I chose you." I told him. "I chose you and left Dean. I've been with you ever since and I've been the happiest I've ever been. You've been amazing and I love you. I love you so much. So yes, I am happy, I am very happy. Aren't you?"

"Yes." He nodded at me. "I've never been this happy."

"Good." I smiled and kissed him deeply.

We were perfectly happy lying in each other's arms, until Cooper launched himself onto the bed. He knocked the air out of me as he landed amongst us. Laughing, I hugged the dog, rolling out of bed, slipping on one of Cass's shirts. I went downstairs with the dog and started breakfast. The sun was streaming through the windows of my heaven home. If anyone had asked me what sort of impossible things I'd do in my life, hanging out in my heaven with an angel would not have even touched the list. It was impossibly perfect to be able to sit in my heaven with the man I loved and for once, in a very long time, be able to feel like the world wasn't as doomed as I thought it to be. That there was some good in it. Good things come to those who wait and I'd been waiting for something good to happen for a long time. And this was good. This was good.

Unable to keep a smile off my face, I lined the counter with everything I was going to cook. Not holding back. Cooper sat and watched me, and since he was dead, unworried about his health, I cooked extra bacon and fed at least half of it to the dog, along with the scrambled eggs, French toast, and a small bowl of orange juice. Snacking as I cooked, I chopped up green peppers and onions, shredded cheese, and made the best omelet I could, sliding it in front of Cass on a bed of hash browns.

"I don't care if you're an angel. You're going to eat this and you're going to like it." I smiled as I rested my elbows on the counter in front of him, a shit grin on my face.

I had never seen the angel smile as much as I did over the past weeks. For a while I didn't think it was possible. But here he was, smiling in front of me. All I wanted was to make him happy and from what I've seen so far I've been succeeding.

After breakfast we walked out to the tree, sitting on the swing, enjoying the gentle breeze. Cass's arm was around me, nestling me against his side. I had his other hand in both of mine, gently caressing the top of it, turning it to trace the lines of his palm. I rested my head against his shoulder, relishing the moment.

"What are you thinking?" I asked looking up at him.

"That I could stay here forever." He replied and kissed me.

Grinning, I kissed him again. "So could I. So could I."

"Maybe we should." He said and looked at me hopefully.

"You know we can't." I said leaning away from him, turning my body to drape my legs across his lap. "We both have too much work to do. We both should already be out doing more work than play. We've been playing a lot lately."

He gave a short laugh and nodded. "Part of me feels that if we leave here it'll turn out to all be a dream."

"Maybe it is." I smiled at him. "But now we get to live the dream. Out in the open. With our friends and family. We. Are. The dream."

"I love you." He whispered and locked his lips to mine before I could reply.


	35. We Reap What We Sow

_**Chapter Thirty-five: We Reap What We Sow**_

Our days of peace were numbered. My heaven was the perfect place to vacation from the supernatural world, despite the fact that it in itself seemed to be a part of the supernatural. The fact that I was no longer dead and that it still existed was amazing for me. And it gave me and Cass the quality time that we both were craving so much. But as all good things, nothing can last forever.

"What are you doing?" Cass asked as I putzed around in the bedroom.

"I'm cleaning." I told him. "You wanna take care of the kitchen?"

"You want me to clean the kitchen?" He frowned at me like the question was completely ridiculous.

"What?" I asked as I paused in folding his shirts. "Are you all of a sudden above normal human cleaning?"

"I'm just curious why you want to do the cleaning anyway. One thought from you would make it right itself in an instant." He pointed out as he put his hands on my waist.

"Because it gives me a sense of fulfillment." I said as I moved away from him, continuing to fold the clothes and then put them away.

"I upset you." He said.

"No, you didn't." I said looking at him. Though my tone was a little too high, telling him that he had hit a button. It was a simple human wanting, to clean things up, but since he was an angel he never had those feelings. "It's just the way we humans work." I said stepping up to him, putting my hand on his face. "I'll take care of it."

He didn't say anything. He smiled and left the room. I finished the bedroom and then moved to the bathroom. After almost a week of being here it was amazing how messy we had made the house. The bedroom more than anywhere else but it still was a mess. There were still rose petals in the bathtub from the other night. Smiling, I gently played with them before cleaning them up. Then moved to the rest of the room. I went to the room with my murals and looked at all the pictures, taking a break from all the cleaning. It felt good to feel like things were normal. A normal life. It almost felt like the life the jinn had put in my head. My life with Cass. Stopping in front of the biggest of them. It was still empty. I had made a choice but it still hadn't filled in with anyone. A small amount of coloring around the edges but nothing more than that. It was actually a little unnerving.

It wasn't until Cooper came in with his whinny bark that I thought something was off. Half way downstairs I smelled the heavy sent of lemon cleaner. Cooper ran to the kitchen and I quickly followed him. For a second I thought something was wrong but as soon as I saw Cass standing in the middle of the room I broke down laughing. The sight before me was unexpected but oh so much fun to see. He had rubber boots on, the long yellow gloves, a plastic apron and safety glasses. He looked utterly ridiculous. So ridiculous that I couldn't breathe from the laughter. He just looked at me with furrowed brows and a 'help me' expression. I stepped around the puddles that were already on the floor and took the scrub pad from one hand and the washcloth from the other.

"What are you doing?" I laughed at him.

"I'm cleaning the kitchen like you asked me to do." He replied with that pathetic look on his face.

"Oh, baby." I said and kissed him sweetly. "Thank you, but I didn't realize I was asking so much."

"I didn't either." He said with down turned eyes.

"Baby, it's okay." I said bending so I could catch his eyes. "I appreciate your effort but you don't have to do this."

"You asked me to." He replied.

"And if I asked you to go jump off a bridge, would you?" I smiled.

"Yes." He said as if it was ridiculous to even ask.

Bursting with laughter again, I threw my arms around his neck. "I love you so much." He sighed into my shoulder, the yellow gloves squeaking as they rubbed against each other. "You are a wonderful man. Sometimes I forget that you really haven't been a man very long."

"I'm trying." He said with a sad edge to his voice.

"You don't have to try." I said taking his head in my hands. "You're perfect just the way you are."

"As are you." He said and kissed me again.

"Come on, let's get this place cleaned up."

After stripping him from all his cleaning gear, I directed him as we cleaned up the mess he had made and the mess we had made over the week. It was a perfect day. Even though it was the last good day we were going to have for a while it was so amazingly perfect I almost couldn't take it. Worried I'd break down and cry happy tears. I was so happy. So happy. But then the worst happened. Just as we were finished, holding each other in the middle of our nice clean kitchen, an angel appeared. He acted fast. In the blink of an eye there was a flash of silver and an angry yell. I spun Cass and for a second I took in his face as a moment of fear passed between us before there was an agonizing pain erupting in my chest, making a sharp cry escape my lips. Looking down there was the point of the angel blade sticking out from my center. I felt Cass's arms around me as it was pulled out, quickly lowering me to the floor. He gently ran his hand down my hair, telling me I'd be okay, before he turned on the rogue angel. I sat there against the island, red seeping out across the floor, and my only thought was that we had just cleaned it. There was crashing through the house and then a crack filled the air, telling me that one or both of them had left. When I remained alone, I knew that Cass was either taken away or followed the angel. I tried to stay calm, concentrate on my breathing as I waited for him to come back. I wasn't afraid of dying. I knew that Cass would make everything better. It didn't help that the pain was ebbing away. Cooper had disappeared as well. I was alone. Alone with the whole in my chest and my life ending with every beat of my heart, pulsing the blood out of my body. Tears filled my eyes, running down my cheeks as I shut my eyes, trying to keep control over myself. Then I heard the door burst open and voices as Cooper came into view. John and Mary were right behind him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked John weakly as he knelt in front of me, putting one hand over my wound, the other on my face.

"Cooper came to us barking up a frenzy. We knew something was wrong." He replied. "What happened?"

"There was an angel fight." I said and tried taking a deep breath.

"Why are you here?" He frowned at me. "You're still alive."

"It was a vacation with Cass." I smiled at him.

"Cass." Mary said and looked at John.

"Please don't hate me." I frowned at her.

"Never, sweetie. Never." She said putting her hand on my shoulder.

"I couldn't stand it if you did." I added as I felt the sobs starting to form in my throat. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry but things have not ended up the way they we had planned. Dean and I are not who we used to be and Cass makes me happy. I am so happy. And if the world is going to end then I want to be happy for as long as I can."

"You don't have to explain yourself." John said rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

"No, sweetie, you don't." Mary added. "Especially right now considering what's happened to you."

Nodding as I tried blinking away my tears, I looked at Cooper who had willingly lain in the pool of my blood and rested his head on my thigh. Putting my hand on his head, I tried to choke back the tears.

"Where is Cass?" John asked.

"Fighting an angel." I replied.

"He just left you here?" Mary frowned.

"I don't know. After I was stabbed with the angel blade they fought and then I heard them leave. I don't know what happened." I told her. "We just cleaned this room."

"You're going to be okay." John said before calling out for Cass.

"Don't." I frowned. "If he's not here then he's still fighting for his life. An angel appeared and tried to kill him. I just put myself in the middle."

"You have to stop doing that." John frowned back at me.

"If he died there would be no one to bring me back." I told him with a smile as I started to struggle for breath. "But I think you're right. It sucks being the one who's dying all the time."

"Evy!" Cass's voice shouted from the other room.

"He's here." I smiled at John before everything faded to black.

When I opened my eyes, John was pacing the room as Mary stood and watched him. Cass was cradling my head in his lap, gently pulling his fingers through my hair. Rolling onto my back I looked up at him. For a moment I saw a pained look on his face, his hand through his hair, but he quickly erased it and looked at me with a small smile.

"Are you okay?" I asked putting a hand on his face.

He smiled wider and kissed me gently. "I should be asking you that." He whispered.

"I knew you'd come back for me." I whispered back.

"I'm sorry for getting you hurt." He frowned.

"Don't worry. I'm always going to get hurt. There is always going to be something out there that is going to be after us. You can't protect me from everything." I told him gently.

"Yes I can." He said with determination.

"If I hadn't moved in time that blade would have hit you and then you'd be dead with no one to bring you back. You'd be gone. Don't you get that? Can't you realize that that would end me. I've had bad things happen to me. Horrible things. I've seen the people I love die more times than I can count or care to remember. It doesn't get any easier. It gets harder. So you see…if anything happens to you I will be worse than those experiences." I told him, gripping his jacket.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said caressing my cheek before kissing me deeply.

"You better not." I told him as I felt tears coming on, wrapping my arms around him. He pulled me up against his chest, holding me so tight. Releasing him, I sat up, turning to John and Mary. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" John asked me.

Standing, I walked over to him, the tears still there. "For everything."

He pulled me into a hug. His hug was fatherly and made me feel like everything was going to be okay. "You don't have to be sorry."

"Yes I do." I nodded against his chest. "You shouldn't have had to see that."

"I don't blame you." I whispered gently.

"He blames me." Cass said from behind me.

Frowning, I turned to him before looking up at John. His jaw was clenched. He did blame Cass. "It wasn't his fault." I told John.

"Yes it was." John told me. A protectiveness coming to his grip on me.

"John…" I said trying to move away from him. Sighing, I forced his arm from around me and moved to Cass's side. "It was not his fault. Something will always be trying to kill us. If anything Cass has allowed us to live longer. He brought Dean back from Hell! So don't you dare blame him. Don't you try and turn this into something more than it is."

"Wow." John said and scratched the back of his head. "I'm used to being the one giving orders."

"And you're dead, John." I frowned at him. That hit him hard. Immediately feeling guilty I stepped up to him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it as harshly as it came out. But you don't have a lot of say in the ways of the living."

"I know that." He told me.

"But you want to so badly that you can't stand it." I stated. He simply nodded. "I understand and respect that. But you're not a ghost. You're not some spirit that's holding on to something down there. You have your wife again. Your home and an afterlife that most would kill for. Don't worry about all of us. _Cass_ is the reason why you don't have to. We'll be okay because he's around."

"Does Dean feel that way?" He asked.

"Dean is Dean. We'll figure things out like we always do." I told him. "He knows everything. I don't hide anything from him. He and Cass have already worked out their problems the best they can for now. Dean is still there for me and we are overdue to return."

"Even when I'm dead I can get your blood boiling." He smiled at me.

"Yes you can." I told him. Turning to Mary, I smiled at her. "I'm so sorry for how this visit went down."

"It's okay, it was nice to see you." She smiled.

"I upset you. I know I did. I'm sorry for that as well." I frowned at her.

"I'm not sure what to be more upset about. With you for leaving Dean or Dean for letting you go." She told me as she played with a strand of my hair.

"When it came to the end I didn't give him much of a choice. And he was too angry at me to give a damn." I told her.

"He gives a damn." John piped up.

"I know, John." I shot at him. "But you haven't been there to see everything that has gone down. Believe it or not my decision is justified."

"I'm sure." He stated.

"We're still family so I'd appreciate it if you didn't treat me like I'm not."

"Why do you care? I'm dead."

"John." Mary frowned at him. "She has a point."

"Don't, Mary." He frowned back.

"You're just as stubborn as your son is." I frowned at him. "The next time I'm up here…don't come here. Stay the hell away from me." I told him and looked at Cass.

Putting my arms around him, I didn't take a second look at my father-in-law before Cass and I returned to Bobby's house.

"I can't believe him." I said immediately starting to pace the living room.

"Hey." Dean said coming into the room. "Where have you two been?"

"A mysterious angel tried to kill Cass and got me instead." I told him.

"What?" He frowned rushing to me.

"I'm fine." I said as he looked me over. "But while I was bleeding out on the floor Cooper went and got mom and dad." I told him annoyed.

"And that's a bad thing?" He asked.

"Yeah, it is." I told him. "John didn't like who I was there with."

Dean froze and looked at me with raised brows. "And?"

"And we fought and I told him to stay away from me. Which is ridiculous since he's dead." I replied.

"Well, we're there often enough to have to see him again." He replied without looking at me.

"Which really, really sucks." I told him with a smile.

"Yeah it does." He said smiling back.

"I know it sucks and I have no right to anything that includes you but after fighting with your dad…I could really use a hug." I told him as my eyes filled with tears.

Dean just smiled at me. "Of course." He said and wrapped his arms around me.

"Thank you." I said resting my head on his chest. "Even though he's head he makes me hate him."

"I know. He has that effect on people. Just look at Sam." He said and let me go.

"Yeah. I thought we were past all that but he's pretty mad at me."

"He'll get over it. I'm sure Mom is getting after him right now. Telling him that she won't forgive him if he doesn't make it right. If he's the reason a wedge is put between all of us then she'll be very angry."

"You are so right." I smiled at him. "Maybe it was worth it then."

He laughed. "Maybe."

"Thank you, Dean." I told him sweetly.

"Good to have you home." He said and nodded at Cass before he left.

Turning to Cass, I heaved a heavy sigh before walking up to him, putting my arms around him, my chin resting against his chest. He placed a kiss on my forehead as he held me tightly against him.

"I'm sorry about all this." I told him.

"Don't worry." He said putting his hand on my face. "I'm sorry I brought it on."

"You didn't." I told him. "The memo just didn't get all the way to heaven."

He smiled and kissed me tenderly. Then he kissed me harder, his hands running up and down my back. Grinning, I wrapped my arms around his neck, standing on my tiptoes to get better access to his mouth.

"Cass?" I asked sweetly.

"Evy?" He replied the same.

"I am completely and insanely in love with you." I whispered to him.

He smiled and pulled me into a passionate kiss. For a moment it was blissful and then the world came tumbling down again. Only it wasn't me who was hurt this time.


	36. Hide and Seek

_**Chapter Thirty-six: Hide and Seek**_

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

We all know that it takes only one second for things to change. We've all learned to cherish the good because the bad can happen so quickly. Heaven and Hell were at war for the world. But sometimes it seemed that the universe was out to get me. Us. That one moment of happiness was equal to one month of Hell. It seemed that no matter what I did or how hard I tried I was never going to find the bigger picture. There would be no green grass. The upper hand was out of reach. The high road was under construction. So all that was left was pain, heartache, and danger. Something I had to experience over and over again.

For a moment it was blissful and then the world came tumbling down again.

Still locked in a kiss, gunfire rang, piercing the walls as bullet after bullet was shot through them. For a second the kiss lasted. Then Cass arched as the bullets hit him in the back. Before now he never reacted to such human devices but the expression of pain that was now on his face was unbearable. My eyes grew wide as his body tensed. I was too shocked and scared to scream or to drop. I stared at his face, my heart stopping as a bullet hit the back of his head. He immediately went limp in my arms. His arms falling away from me. His weight falling against me. Gripping him, I fell backward, not letting him go, I hit the ground, not even feeling the pain. Rolling him, covering his body with mine as the gunfire continued to go off. I hugged his head, protecting it from any more damage, feeling the warmth of his blood. Lifting my head enough to see his face, it was the peaceful expression that usually accompanied death. Tears were streaming as I put my hand on his face, my forehead against his, as the house was still being ripped apart.

A set of arms gripped me, pulling me away from him. Struggling against them to no avail, I was pulled away from Cass, just leaving him there, bleeding, on the floor. Now it was okay to scream. It was okay to release all the emotion that was coursing through me. All the while the guns were still going off. Before I knew it I was being pushed through the back door, shoved into the backseat of a car, and driven off kicking and screaming. Only stopping when we were in the middle of nowhere and the car stopped. Falling out the car door, not being able to get out fast enough, I gasped as I tried to get air back into my lungs. There were hands on my waist as I tried to crawl away from the car.

"Evy, stop." Dean's voice said gently in my ear.

"Did you go back for him?" I screamed at him. "Did anyone go back for him?"

"There's wasn't time." Dean said with wet eyes. "I tried to but they wouldn't let me."

"He was _shot_. Several times. He was shot in the head!" I yelled getting to my feet.

"I know." Dean said pulling me against him.

"No!" I yelled pushing him away. I made a run for the driver's seat but Bobby grabbed my waist as I grabbed the handle. "No! Let me go!"

"Knock it off!" Bobby said as he threw me to the ground. "Do you want to get yourself killed?"

"He needs me!" I yelled back, standing and rushing him, shoving him in the chest.

"He's an angel! He'll be okay." Bobby retorted.

"No he won't!" I screamed before my voice broke and I couldn't yell anymore. My voice was raspy as I tried to make him see. "He was bleeding, Bobby. He was bleeding and he was in pain. The angel part of him is supposed to keep him from that pain. To keep his body safe and to heal him. But he felt it. He felt it like he was human and when the bullet hit his head…" I said and covered my mouth as I stifled a sob. "He fell unconscious and he didn't wake up. He was supposed to heal himself and be okay. But he didn't get up again and then YOU _TORE_ ME AWAY FROM HIM!" I exclaimed and rushed him again, punching him hard across the cheekbone.

"Evy, stop!" Sam said grabbing my waste.

"You stop!" I yelled shoving him away. "Just stop it. Stop turning into a demon and give me my brother back." He just looked at me. Then I turned to Dean. "Please." I pleaded. "Please." He nodded and got behind the wheel.

Sliding into the passenger seat I dreaded what we'd return to. He had to be okay. He just had to be. We had just gone through this. It was too soon after what happened in my heaven that it made me think that the angel who had come after Cass had something to do with this. But if that was true then Cass being left unconscious was the _worst_ possible thing that could have been done. If he had come to heaven looking for Cass then I knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill Cass in cold blood.

When we finally got back to the house, it was a complete mess. One half of the house was so full of holes it was almost unrecognizable. I rushed through the mess, sliding on the debris as I tried to get to him as fast as I could. Only when I reached where I had been torn away from him, he wasn't there.

"No…" I said as I fell to my knees. "No. Where is he?"

"Maybe he is healed and he's okay." Dean said reassuringly.

"No." I said shaking my head as I covered my mouth, silently sobbing into it. Standing, I turned to him. "He would have come for me. He would have come for us. He wouldn't have just disappeared."

"It's okay. We'll figure it out." He said gently rubbing my arms.

"What if someone has him?" I asked.

"He'll be able to get himself out." He replied.

"Not if it's someone who knows how to contain angels. What if it's the one who attacked us? We don't even know who the angel is. What if Cass is dead?" I asked as the tears flowed again. Dean just sighed and looked at me sadly. "We need to find him, Dean."

"We will." He said and pulled me into a hug.

He let me cry into his shoulder until I couldn't anymore. It was more than I deserved. He was being everything I needed him to be. Then there was barking as Lincoln came running into view.

"Linc!" I yelled and fell to my knees again as I embraced the dog. He let out a mournful whine as he leaned into me. "What happened? Where've you been?"

He took a few steps back before he turned back into a man. He grabbed a blanket from the couch and looked at me with a painful expression. I just looked back, trying to read it. Trying to figure out what he was trying to tell me without saying anything. Then I realized what it was.

"They have him, don't they?" I asked as I wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I am so sorry." He told me, emotion coating his words.

"Where is he, Linc?" I asked sternly.

"I'll take you to him."

My next question was, "How badly is he hurt?"

"We should go." He said and left the room.

"Lincoln!" I yelled going after him. "Is it so bad that you can't even tell me?"

"They were after me." He replied sadly. "He was the last thing in the house. You left him behind."

"Not on purpose!" I yelled. "I was _dragged_ away from him! It wasn't my choice! He was shot and I was dragged away from him. He was hurt and bleeding."

"I'm sorry." He replied.

"Let's go." I told him, running my fingers through my hair. "He needs me."

We got back into the car and Lincoln directed Dean to where Cass was. When we got to the house where he was being kept there were men guarding the outside and Lincoln assured us that the guard would be doubled inside. Someone big was inside. Only they weren't going to get out alive. Not tonight. Not while they were holding Cass.

The car had barely stopped and I was already out of it. The boys were trying to stop me but I was already too far away from them to make a difference. I didn't hold anything back as I confronted the first four that appeared. It took nothing to take them out. They waited just long enough for me to bring up my gun and shoot them all dead. Kicking in the door, I was met with a gun, but I quickly gutted him before he pulled the trigger. After he fell I took a bullet to the shoulder before I started firing on them. I managed to bring down four before I received another graze across my ribs before Dean and Lincoln came in guns a blazing. It took only a few minutes to take care of all the skinwalkers upstairs. When I opened the door to the basement, several bullets passed by as I stood clear of the door. Reaching the gun around the frame, I squeezed off several shots before the firing stopped. When I looked around the edge, two were dead at the bottom of the stairs.

"Evy don't." Dean said as I started down the stairs.

"He's down there. I'm going." I told him as I swiftly went down the stairs.

Making the turn at the bottom of the stairs, I was met with a half dozen guns, and an evil looking man. I didn't hesitate as I stepped down the last few stairs, my own gun at my side.

"So, you just decided to come in here and shoot the place up?" The evil man asked.

"You have something I want." I said with a slight cock to my head.

He laughed. "Well, well, well. Looks like we have a fighter. Though you didn't fight very hard when you left your boyfriend there to die."

"There's a difference between leaving and being taken." I retorted.

"Well, if you give me what I want I'll give you what you want." He grinned.

"First, I'd like to know who I'm dealing with." I grinned back.

He nodded and took a step toward me. "Charles McCreedy." He said extending his hand out to me. "I already know you, Evy Winchester."

"Most do." I replied. "Is Lincoln what you want?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He has information."

"How important is it?"

"Important enough for me to keep your boyfriend until you give me him." He replied with a straight face.

I knew that he wasn't bluffing. Lincoln was going to be the deal breaker on this one. Even if Dean and Lincoln came crashing through the ceiling there wouldn't be enough gun power to take all of them and get Cass back in one piece.

"Let me see him." I told him.

Stepping aside, I finally got my first look at Cass. His head was dipped and there were no words for the wounds, blood, and dirt that covered his body. Tears threatened to take over but I managed to keep them at bay. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't leaving here without Cass but it was hard to simply give up Lincoln. I didn't want to do it. He was one of my best friends and I would be feeding him to the wolves. I owed him a lot, and then I realized that I owed him the world when he came down the stairs and stepped next to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked gripping his arm.

"I'm getting you back your love." He said and stepped forward. "Hey, Charlie! Long time no see." He grinned at Charles.

"Lincoln." He replied.

"Give the girl her man back." He said turning serious. "You can have me."

"Lincoln…" I said gripping his arm again.

"Evy, I'll be okay." He smiled at me.

"I don't believe you." I told him.

"You shouldn't." Charles smiled.

"Don't hurt him." I told the evil man. "He's doing this for me. Please don't hurt him."

"I promise no harm will come to him if you promise that he's told you nothing that might get him into trouble." Charles told me.

"I don't know anything." I promised as tears slid down my cheeks.

Charles motioned with his hand and two men grabbed Lincoln, forcing his arms behind his back. Two others untied Cass and threw him at my feet. Dropping to my knees, I pulled him into my arms, putting my hand on his face as tears started to stream. Looking up at Lincoln, he simply smiled at me as he was taken from my sight.

"Get Dean down here now to help you with the body." Charles told me.

"What?" I asked as my throat tightened.

That was the moment I realized that he wasn't breathing. Putting my hand on his chest, there was no steady beat against my hand. Feeling the panic start to move through me, I felt like I couldn't breathe. Shaking and rocking started to take over when Dean came rushing down the stairs. I looked at him frantically before he pulled Cass over his shoulder and rushed back out of the house. I couldn't help the horrific sobs that came from me as we drove back to Bobby's. Cass was lifeless in my arms, making it feel real. Cradling him against me, Dean couldn't drive fast enough. Sam and Bobby were waiting outside the house when we pulled in. I didn't want to let Cass go as all three men moved to help get him out of the car. Sam looked at me sadly, telling me that it was going to be okay, before I finally loosened my grip. Unable to move, I sat in the car, the whole night replaying in my head. I couldn't move. I couldn't go into that house. Not yet.

"Evy?" Dean said gently as he walked back to the car.

"I'm terrified." I said looking up at him.

Both doors were still open. Dean slid inside next to me, quickly taking my hand in his. "I know."

"Every time I think I can handle something I'm always proven wrong. Why does this keep happening to me?" I asked as tears ran down my cheeks. "Why Dean? First it was Jim. Then I died and then by the time I was alive again John was dead. Then it was Sam and then you. And now it's him. I don't understand what I did to make the universe hate me so much. Am I doomed to be miserable for the rest of my life?"

"I don't know." Dean said putting an arm around me. "And I am so sorry. So very sorry."

The sobs started to creep up my throat. "He's dead then?" I asked as the sobs broke through.

Dean's eyes filled with tears and he pulled me into him, holding me tightly against his chest. It didn't seem possible. He was an angel. He was never supposed to be able to die. Not without the right means and being beaten and shot was not supposed to be a cause of death. Dean whispered comforting words in my ear and slowly managed to calm me down. When I managed to sit up and not burst into tears every few minutes, Dean held his hand out toward me. Putting mine in his he helped me out of the car and gripped my hand tighter as he led me into the house. Stopping outside the living room, he pulled me into a hug and placed a long kiss against my forehead before releasing me. Sam and Bobby came from the room and embraced me before they gave me sympathetic smiles and moving on to the kitchen.

"We're here for you." Dean told me sweetly.

"Thank you." I told him as silent tears fell.

"Just don't disappear on us." He smiled and kissed my forehead again before he followed the others.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the living room, staring at my feet. I closed the doors behind me, taking another deep breath before I turned around. Cass was lying on the couch. Quickly moving to him, I fell to my knees, taking his head in my hands as I cried. The sobs racking my body. Kissing his lips repeatedly, his cold skin made mine feel like it was on fire. He was still full of dirt and blood. It suddenly made me livid. Needing to clean him, I got control of myself, before going to the kitchen.

"Evy…" Sam said when he saw me. They were doing shots of whiskey. They each had one sitting in front of them. Grabbing them, I downed all three without flinching, before getting a bowl out, filling it with warm water, grabbing a washcloth. "What are you doing?"

"He's dirty." I replied. "I need to clean him up."

"We need to get you cleaned up." Bobby told me.

"I'm fine."

"You've been shot." He replied.

"I'm fine, Bobby." I said without looking at him.

"You're bleeding." Sam added gently.

"I don't care right now." I said and went to leave.

"Let me help." Sam asked standing up.

"No!" I yelled turning to him. "_I_ need to wash his body. _Me_. I need to do this and I need to do this alone." Turning, I walked away from them, feeling their eyes following me.

"Hey, kid?" Bobby said gently grabbing my arm. Looking at him, he stood and took the bowl from my hands. He pulled me into a tight hug, a soft sniffling in my ear. "I love you like you'll never know. You are not being punished. If there is a God then he is only giving you enough to handle. You can do this."

"I love you too." I whispered in his ear before taking the bowl and quickly leaving the room.

Closing the doors behind me again, I slowly walked to the couch, sitting on the edge. For a moment I just looked at him, putting my hand on his neck, running my hand along his jaw line. The tears returned as I stared at him. Finally taking my eyes off of him, I wrung out the cloth, gently started to wipe his skin clean. Slowly, the Cass I knew was showing through the grime of the last few hours. It was unbelievable how fast it had all gone down. How fast we had come to this moment. As the minutes ticked by, the tears slowly subsided as I became obsessed with getting every inch of his body clean. Even though his body was littered with wounds, I made sure everyone was clean. When I was done, I set the bowl aside before taking his hand in mine, running my fingers through his damp hair.

"You know, if I remember correctly, you promised me that you weren't going anywhere. You were supposed to stay with me. And I don't understand why you aren't." I frowned as I kissed the back of his hand. "I can't do this without you. After everything we've been through. All the talks and sneaking around we're finally in a place where we can be us without all the lies and judging. Happiness was in our grasp. I love you so much and I can finally tell people about you and you're not here." Putting my hand on his chest, I waited for it to rise and fall, but it never did. I waited to feel his heartbeat, but it didn't. Covering my eyes with my hand, I started to cry again, still waiting to feel that thump against my palm.

"Evy?" Sam said gently sliding open the door.

"I'd really like to be alone." I told him, trying to stifle my tears.

"I know." He said handing me a beer.

I just looked at him before accepting the bottle and guzzling it, handing it back to him empty. I expected him to leave but he sat in a chair without saying a word.

"Please leave." I told him. "It hasn't even been that long."

"It's been almost six hours." He told me. "Dean wanted to come in at four."

"That's not that long." I told him, looking back at Cass. "I'm not going to let you drag me away. Not from this one."

"I wasn't going to." Sam replied sadly. "I just wanted to give you the opportunity to talk."

"Why would I want to do that?" I frowned and looked at him. "I gave up one of my best friends for the body of my boyfriend. What do you want me to say? That it was easy? That I'd do it differently next time? What?"

"I just wanted to give you the opportunity. I wasn't expecting you to say much."

"I love him and he's gone." I replied as the tears flowed yet again. "What am I supposed to do? I still don't believe that he's gone. It's not that easy to kill an angel. Why is this happening?"

"He's losing his angelic powers." A strong voice answered.

Standing, I whipped around to see Uriel. "What?" I frowned at him.

"He spent the last week pretending to be human. He's feeling things he shouldn't. He feels love. He feels jealousy. He feels pain. Because he's with you he's losing his power and its cost him his life."

"You're lying." I frowned at him.

"Think what you'd like." He smirked at me. "But if you're looking to place blame, look no further than the mirror."

He disappeared, leaving me a shattered mess. Falling onto the couch, I pulled Cass up into my arms. Sobbing into him, I held him as tightly as I could. Sam just watched me momentarily before he left, closing the doors behind him. I sobbed harder once I was alone. Running my hand down the back of his head, feeling his broad shoulders, wishing his arms would just move around me. Soon I started to scream that I was sorry. I was so sorry, just…so…sorry. I cried till my mind was lost and I blacked out.

When I woke up I was draped across Cass's body, still gripping his coat. His chest was just as still as ever. Closing my eyes again I tried to will myself back to sleep. I didn't have the energy to face another day without him. I couldn't let him go but it was so painful to look at him. So painful to know that it was my fault. It would always be my fault. I couldn't save Dean. I couldn't save Cass.

"Evy?" Dean's voice said gently.

Opening my eyes to look at him, they immediately filled with tears as I took in the sad expression on his face. I didn't say anything, just gripped Cass tighter, laying my head on his chest again.

"You have to eat something." He told me.

"I'm not hungry." I replied.

"At least drink some water. We don't want you to get dehydrated."

"I don't care."

"Please." He said with a desperate edge to his voice.

Looking at him again, I sighed and slowly moved over Cass's body, looking down at him as I got to my feet. Bending, I kissed his lips, "Be right back, baby."

Dean gently rubbed my back as he led me to the kitchen. All eyes were on me. Dean sat me at the table and put a bowl of soup in front of me. I was grateful it was soup. Anything else wouldn't have been tolerable. After it was gone he put a big glass of water in front of me. I choked down as much as I could before trying to slip back into the living room. Sam, however, stopped me, leading me toward the stairs by the shoulders.

"You need a shower. You may have cleaned Cass up but you need to take care of yourself for just a little while." He told me gently.

"I'm fine." I frowned and tried to shrug him off.

"No, you're not. No one would be if they'd gone through what you did. Just take a hot shower. I'll watch over him while you're gone." He said putting his arms around my neck.

"Promise?" I asked leaning my head against his.

"I promise." He said and gently pushed me into the bathroom, closing the door for me.

Numb. It was the best word to describe what I was feeling right now. Numb to everything. Starting the hot water, I stripped, standing in front of the mirror as I waited for the water to heat up. I hardly recognized my reflection. I was just as bloody and dirty as Cass had been. As I looked at myself, all I could think of was what Uriel had told me.

"It's my fault." I whispered as tears slid down my cheeks. "It's all my fault."

Turning, I slid onto the floor, a new wave of tears and sobs leaving my body with such force that I shook to the point that it felt like my bones were breaking. My lungs felt like they were caving in on themselves. My heart breaking into a thousand little pieces. Falling to the side, I curled into a ball and let everything out. I had been wrong in thinking that I had let it all out before. No. There was more. Always more. I was hardly aware when someone came in and gently sat me up, lifting me into the shower, my eyes blurred with tears. Gentle hands started to rub the blood and dirt from my skin. Dean's face slowly coming into view as the tears subsided.

"Thank you." I told him, my voice raspy.

"You're welcome." He said as he gently tilted my head back to rinse my hair.

Gripping his wet shirt for balance, I let him help me, knowing I didn't deserve it. Knowing that he was doing this because he loved me, while I grieved for the man I loved downstairs. I was still shaking, despite the warm water, my breath still stuttering, and my chest in pain from the racking sobs. After I was clean, he wrapped me in a towel before he looked at my wounds. They were bad enough grazes that they both needed a few stitches. He didn't numb me and I didn't flinch as he gently sowed them up. He knew it hurt and there was more than one moment where I caught his worried expression. But I didn't care. It didn't matter. He led me to my room and helped me into clean clothes.

"You need to get some rest." He told me, sitting on the edge of the bed next to me, gently combing my hair before gently braiding it over my shoulder.

"I didn't know you could do that." I stated as I looked at it.

"Yeah…well…it's one of the few secrets I've kept from you." He said with a smirk.

"Thank you." I told him again.

"I'm sorry." He said and took my hands in his.

"I'm sorry too." I replied, squeezing his hands. "It's not fair."

"No, baby, it's not." He said and kissed my hair.

Sitting with him was calming, though I wanted to be back downstairs. When Dean finally allowed me to return, the happier me would've smiled to see Sam watching over Cass. But it didn't. Sam's face looked like he had been crying. My eyes were currently dry and stinging. Walking to the couch, I looked down at Cass. He looked as peaceful as ever. Sitting next to him, I took his hand in mine, kissing the back of it before running my fingers through his hair.

"I just want to see those blue eyes of his." I whispered aloud, a small smile actually gracing my lips. Gently caressing his face, I bent and kissed him. "Just once more. Even if that's all I get." Putting my face next to his, I took a moment before whispering, "I love you", into his ear.

Leaning back, I smiled as I ran my hands down his chest. Remembering all the good times we had. Remembering the smile he only gave to me on the rarest of occasions. He loved me. I don't think I could comprehend how much he loved me. I knew how much I loved him and to have that reciprocated tenfold was something that doesn't happen as often as it should. I thought I might start crying again when I noticed the cuts on his body.

"Dean…" I said airily.

"What is it?" He asked rushing forward.

"They're fading." I replied and looked up at him.

"Evy…" He said with a smile on his face.

"Does this mean what I think it means?" I asked. Hope starting to flurry up inside of me.

"It might." He said and kissed my hair. "Come on, Sam." He said and led his brother from the room.

Something changed. Something was happening to him. He was healing. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Afraid to blink in case I missed something. I rested one hand on his chest, the other on his face, just waiting for something more to happen. It was as if the wounds were healing before my eyes as they faded further. Soon they were just pink lines on his skin. I felt tense as I waited for something more to happen.

My heart stopped when I felt it. His heartbeat. Just once and then there was nothing again. When mine started beating again it began to race as I stared at him. I tried to control my breathing but there was no control anymore. He was coming back to me. Slowly. But he was coming back. His heart beat again. Then again. And again. And again. His chest rose under my hand. Just once and then it was still. It felt like an eternity had gone by when he took another breath. Then another. And another. And another. Leaning further over him, I waited for his eyes to open. He would. I would once again be able to see those blue eyes.

"Cass…" I whispered and his eyes slowly opened. His blue eyes gleaming as a small smile moved across his face. "You came back to me."

His hand moved to my face and before I could say anything more his lips were against mine. Kissing me passionately, he pulled me down against his chest. Running my hand up and down his chest, I put my other on the back of his head, feeling the wholeness. My fingers gripped his hair as his free hand gently squeezed my side.

"I love you." He finally whispered to me.

"I love you." I smiled and kissed him again.

He smiled back, putting his forehead against mine. Breathing him in, I felt the oncoming tears of joy that were starting to brim in my eyes. There was a shutter in my breathing, making him gently pull my face away from his. He frowned and wiped the first tear that fell. I couldn't look in his eyes. I would break down if I looked at him.

"I just need a minute." I said and rested my head on his chest.

"I'm sorry." He said and kissed the top of my head.

"No." I said and looked at him. "It's my fault." I didn't try and hide my tears this time. I let them fall as I caressed his face.

"No, it's not. Why would you say that?" He frowned.

"Uriel told me that it was my fault. That spending so much time with me was making you lose your angelic powers." I told him.

He sighed, running his fingers through my hair before gently kissing me. "No, it's not your fault."

"Are you sure?" I asked, not wanting it to be true but didn't want him to lie to me to make me feel better.

"I'm sure." He said and kissed me deeply.

"I was terrified." I told him.

"I know. I'm sorry." He said and held me tightly against him as he sat up, pulling me into his lap.

"I thought I'd lost you." I said with my hand on his face, gently rubbing his cheek with my thumb. "I thought you weren't coming back."

"It's not that easy to kill an angel." He smirked and kissed my shoulder.

"I didn't think it was." I blushed. But then my smile disappeared. "But you weren't here. You weren't breathing. Your heart wasn't beating. What was I supposed to think?"

"That no matter what happens, I'll always return to you." He told me before turning his head, placing a kiss against my palm.

Grinning from ear to ear, I kissed him passionately, taking full responsibility for whatever happened to the couch.


	37. Chance of Rain

_**Chapter Thirty-seven: Chance of Rain**_

It was safe to say that Castiel's accident didn't deter me from anything we did. I still made him breakfast in the morning as often as I could. Making him enjoy all the little things. Nothing could bring me down from the high I was on. I had Cass, Dean, Sam, Bobby, the job…everything. The only downfall was that I had given up one of the best friends I could ever ask for to have everything that I did. I wanted Lincoln back. The plan was in motion but they told me not to rush anything. Rushing would increase the chances of getting him killed. We hunted. We relaxed. We drank a lot of wine. And despite all of the negatives in the world, I was happy. As happy as I could be.

Walking through the door, Cass right behind me, all of us covered in dirt and burns. Falling onto the bed, Cass next to me, I turned and frowned at him.

"Shall I heal you?" He asked doing the same.

"Nah." I said and looked at the ceiling. "I like my war wounds."

"That makes one of us." Dean said from the opposite bed.

"I'm with her." Sam replied.

"Thank you, Sammy." I smiled at him.

Dean shook his head at us. I was enjoying the calm moment between all of us when Cass propped himself up, looking up at the ceiling as if he was listening to someone. A frown moved across his face and sat, moving to the edge of the bed. I did the same, watching him as he listened to whatever was going on. When he looked at me, he held his hand out to me.

"Dean, I'll call you." I told him without looking at him. In the next second, Cass and I were standing in his field. "What are we doing here?"

"I need you to stay here for a little while." He told me, stepping in front of me.

"What? What's going on?" I frowned at him.

He ran his hand down my hair. He gave me a small smile before he kissed me deeply. I ran my hands up and down his chest, waiting for him to tell me what's going on.

"This place will keep you safe." He said and kissed me again.

"Where are you going?" I asked him, gripping his shirt.

"I'm needed elsewhere. Seals are in danger and I must assist."

"Stay." I told him quickly.

Smiling, he gently caressed my face. "I love you."

"I love you too." I smiled at him and he kissed me once more before he disappeared. "Okay." I said and turned to the autistic man flying his kite.

Whatever was going on, I get wanting to keep each other safe. I wanted to keep him as safe as a newborn child. But he had work to do and I had work to do. Though I wished I knew what was going on for him to bring me here. Standing, I sighed as I walked toward the edge of the field, picturing my heaven, I kept walking, moving through the trees, only to have them open up to my field. Smiling, I stepped toward the tree, happy to see the swing swinging lightly in the breeze. I looked at the house, smiling at all the good memories I had of this place. Looking back at the swing, Cooper was lying on it with perked ears and a happy dog grin on his face. Smiling wider I walked up to him, taking his head on my hands, placing a kiss on top of his head. He licked my forearms before my face, his tail thumping on the seat.

"It's nice seeing you like this." I smiled at him.

As I sat with him, there was a slight shift in the atmosphere. Without reacting, I made sure to pay attention to everything that was going on around me. Cooper seemed to do the same as he rested his head in my lap, his ears ever moving as well as his nose and eyes. I stroked his body as I tried to pinpoint where it was coming from. Feeling something over my right shoulder, I stood, calling Cooper with me, walking around the left side of the tree. Quickly moving around it I saw a figure slowly stepping from the trees. Smiling, I walked toward them, seeing a woman as I got closer. She had a slim but strong frame. Her long, light brown hair hung straight as she stood with watchful blue eyes that were slightly angled and seemed to see right through me as she watched my approach. Her face was angled with strong lines. Her lips full and her posture stoic.

"Hello." I smiled. She simply looked at me. "Why are you watching me?"

"I was asked to." She told me.

"By Cass?" I asked.

"Yes." She replied. "Castiel."

"Why?"

For a moment she just looked at me. Almost as if she didn't want to answer me. "Because he loves you." She replied.

"And?" I asked trying to get a response from her.

"And he wants you protected."

"So he what…hired you?"

"He asked me and I said yes." She told me with the slightest hint of a smile.

For a second my mind reached a conclusion that sparked jealousy inside of me. Crossing my arms, I gave her a half smile, eyeing her like she was a bug that needed to be squashed. She did the same, seeming to be waiting for me to say something.

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair, shifting my weight as I looked away from her. "What's your name?" I asked her.

"Lorna." She replied.

"Pretty." I told her.

"Thank you."

"What's your job description?"

"To keep an eye on you." She replied, her smile growing slightly.

"And what do you get out of this?" I asked, frowning now.

"Do I have to get something out of it? Am I not supposed to do what my commander asks?" She said with a slight furrow of her brows.

"Commander?" I asked, a nervous pit falling in my stomach.

"We are fighting a war. Did you think that we were all on our own? I believe in what Castiel is doing. He asks and I do." She told me.

Turning away from her, I walked to the house, getting a bottle of wine while I tried to digest what I had just learned. It made sense. Especially when it was he who was sent to pull Dean out of Hell. It was only natural that he be more important than I had let myself believe. It didn't take long for Lorna to show up, standing across the kitchen from me. I drank two glasses of wine before I couldn't take the silence anymore.

"What _exactly_ are you supposed to do?" I asked her. "Are you to keep me under house arrest? Are you strictly watching? Are you supposed to step in when things get rough? I mean what? What are you supposed to do?"

"You are your own person. I am not allowed to let you get hurt. I am to follow and protect. I am to be whatever it is that you want me to be." She replied.

"So, basically, you're my bitch." I said with a smile.

"I don't really understand the reference, but…yes." She said unsure of herself.

"Then you need to take me to the Winchesters." I told her.

"Excuse me?" She frowned.

"If Cass doesn't want me with him then he's doing something big. But if I can't be with him then I want to be with the Winchester's. So, please, take me there."

"Castiel wouldn't appreciate that. He brought you here. He didn't want you in dangers way." She frowned.

"And he also told you to follow and protect." I smiled at her. She frowned at me. I grinned back and held out my hand. This might actually be fun.

In the next second we were standing outside a café. Seeing the brothers sitting at a table, I quickly joined them, smiling as Lorna came up and stood next to me. The brothers both looked at me before looking at the woman next to me.

"This is Lorna. She's an angel." I smiled at them. "Cass gave her to me. She's supposed to keep an eye on me."

"Okay." Sam said looking at her.

"Wow. Apparently he thinks you're going to get into a lot of trouble." Dean said before leaning over, kissing my cheek.

"Hi." I smiled putting my hand on his cheek briefly. "What do you two have going on?"

"A lack of death." He replied.

"What?" I frowned.

"Death is absent in Greybull, Wyoming. A man was shot in the heart at point blank range and lived." Sam explained. "Looking deeper there were other recent cases where others survived near death experiences."

"Are we going?" I smiled.

"Where's Cass?" Dean asked.

"Off doing some sort of angel thing." I replied, my smile gone.

"Too important to have you tagging along?" He frowned.

"I don't know." I said looking at him. "He doesn't like to tell me what's going on. Something to do with the seals. I'm not going to try and to get him to tell me. He will when he's ready. I don't want to distract him. He's got things to do."

"You're awfully understanding. You'd never let me get away with anything." Dean stated.

"Yeah, well, I guess that just shows the difference between the two relationships." I told him. "And most of the time when I wasn't letting you get away with anything it was after you cheated on me with Cassie or something else had gone wrong."

"Yeah, we weren't perfect." He said and looked at me.

"No. But it was good." I smiled and took his hand. "You're amazing. Even when you're pissing me off."

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "You are too."

"No, I'm not." I told him. "I'm not worth it. Not half of what you and Cass have talked about. I'm not worth it. I'm not. I want you to accept that."

For a moment he just looked at me before he smiled, "Nice try."

Shaking my head as I gave a light laugh, I hit his shoulder. "I hate you sometimes."

"Dido."

"So, are we going to go?" Sam asked.

"Yeah." I smiled and stood.

"Does she talk?" Dean frowned as he looked at the angel behind me.

"So far she hasn't said anything good." I smiled at him. "Other than I have control over her."

"You mean she's your bitch?" Dean asked with a half-smile. I just grinned at him and got into the front seat of the Impala.

The car ride was surprisingly enjoyable. We were all joking around. Most of the time trying to make Lorna say something, egging her on to do something we didn't expect from her. But she remained stoic and silent. She probably tuned us out the second we got into the car.

When we reached Greybull there was an eerie air about the place. An almost gray look to it that made my stomach turn with nervousness. Since there were four of us, we split up, trying to ferret out the cause of what was going on here. Lorna followed closely, her demeanor changing, making me that more nervous. She was on edge; her eyes kept darting at every person we passed. I went and talked to several people who had nearly died over the past several days. Most were gracious and felt wonderful, though there was a way about them. Like whatever ailed them was still there but they were hiding it. The last person who died was a thirteen year-old boy, Cole Griffith. Dean and Sam were there now, talking to his mom. When he was done Dean called for us to meet them at the cemetery. They were going to try and summon Cole to see if he knew anything about what was going on.

"Have you started yet?" I asked as I stepped up to them.

"No."

"Evy…" Lorna said as she looked around the cemetery.

"What is it?" I asked looking at her.

"Something's wrong." She said as her eyes darted.

She finally looked at me, reaching out her hand. I went to meet her half way when she exclaimed and was ripped away from us. I'd seen it before. Anna had done it. Something was wrong. Looking at the boys I was about to tell them to run but we were already under attack. There was a voice behind us and the next thing I knew I was thrown head first into a headstone, knocking me out instantly.

When I came too, Sam was kneeling next to Dean. I scrambled over to them, putting my hand on Dean's chest. "Dean!"

"Are you okay?" Sam asked as he moved the hair from my forehead.

"I'm fine." I said shrugging him off as I gently rubbed Dean's chest. "Come on, baby, wake up." I said and rubbing a little harder. "Was that Alastair?" I said looking at Sam.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"That changes things." I sighed looking back at Dean. Remembering what he had told me about Alistair. What they had done together in Hell. "That changes everything."

"Yeah." He sighed.

I was in mid thought of coming up with a plan of action when Dean started to come to. "Hey." I smiled as he opened his eyes. "Take it easy."

"I'm okay." He said sitting up. "Are you?" He frowned as he gently put his hand on my face.

"I'm fine." I smiled at him.

"You're bleeding." He frowned with that no-you're-not sort of look.

"Who cares?" I frowned helping him up. "I'm not going to die anytime soon."

"Where's Lorna?" He asked.

"I don't know. Alastair banished her." I explained. "I'm not sure where they go when that happens. She might be gone for a while."

"So much for your guardian angel." Sam stated.

"That's Cass. She's just the one filling in." I corrected. "And it's not her fault. I'm not going to put blame on her."

"That's big of you." Sam stated.

"She didn't want to be sent away. She was about to blink me away when it happened." I retorted.

"And leave us here?" He frowned.

"She wasn't ordered to protect all of us." I told him.

"That sucks."

"For you maybe." I smiled at him. "Besides, I'm still here aren't I?" He nodded.

"All right, now what?" Dean asked.

"Now…I have no idea." I replied. "There has to be another way to contact Cole."

"There might be." Sam stated.

The next thing I knew I was with Pamela Barns in a hotel room, pacing with anxiousness and anger for not being able to talk the boys out of their latest crazy plan.

"You both are insane." I told them angrily.

"I'm with her on this one." Pamela agreed.

"Can you do it?" Dean asked.

"Of course I can." She told him.

"But she shouldn't." I said stepping next to her. "This is crazy, Pam, and you know it. Don't do it. We'll find another way."

"There is no other way." Sam told me. "We need to figure this out."

"Then why can't I go too?" I asked him.

"Because you are more useful here." Dean replied. "You can keep Pamela safe while we go deal with whatever is going on here."

"That's just it, Dean. You don't know what's going on. What if it's far more serious than you think it is and you get into trouble? I can't help you from here." I argued.

Dean stood and put his hands on my arms. "We'll be fine. I promise."

"There are too many 'what if' questions for me to believe you right now." I told him sadly.

He pulled me into a hug, reassuring me as much as he could right now. "We'll be okay. We have you and Pamela here watching over us. That's why I think we can do this. I know we'll be safe."

Sighing, I nodded against his chest before looking at up him. "I won't let anything happen to you."

"Don't let anything happen to Pamela either. She needs to bring us back." He smirked at me.

"Not funny." I said hitting his chest as I let him go.

"Evy, stop worrying so much." Pamela told me. "They'll be fine."

"But if my memory is correct, and it is, I have more experience being a ghost then they do." I retorted.

"Yeah, and that was scary as shit. Just let us do this." Dean said as both him and Sam sat on one of the beds.

"I don't like this." I said starting to pace again. "Cass, where are you?"

"Just relax." Pamela told me putting her hand on my arm.

Sighing with defeat, I dropped into a chair and looked at them. The plan was simple enough. Pamela knew an incantation that would astral project them to the ghost plane, allowing them to see what the living couldn't. As long as their bodies were protected then, with the right words, they'd return with no harm. But I was terrified what would happen to them. I couldn't follow them. They'd be on their own. Finally, fully giving in, I told them the few things I had learned while I was a ghost. It wasn't a lot but it was more than what they were going with all on their own.

Sitting next to Dean, I took his hand in mine, putting my other on his face. "Please be careful." I told him calmly but seriously. "Don't do anything stupid and don't be too rash. Figure out what's going on but don't act unless you have to or if you know what you're doing."

He smiled, putting his free hand on my cheek. "You worry too much. But I promise to be careful." I nodded and he placed a kiss against my temple before letting my hand go.

"Sam…" I said moving to him next. I wasn't sure what to say to him. "Same goes for you. Be careful and don't do anything stupid. But more importantly, don't let your brother do anything stupid." He laughed and nodded at me. Putting my arms around his neck I hugged him tightly. "I'm afraid for you. For both of you. Please don't let anything bad happen." I whispered in his ear.

"I won't." He whispered back. "I love you."

"I love you too." I said and stood. Turning back to Dean I ran my hand down the back of his head, resting it on his neck. "I love you, you know that right?"

"I do." He nodded. "I love you too."

Taking a deep breath, I kissed his forehead before moving behind Pamela. "I guess it's your turn."

"Alright then." She smiled.

"I'll be right back." I said and left the room.

I couldn't be there right now. To watch as they fell asleep, their souls being taken to a different plane, unable to help or to even know what was going on. There was a bench near the door out the back that I sat on. This was one of those moments where I'd sit with my dog and tell him everything that I was thinking. Only now Lincoln was gone and I had no idea where he was or if he was even still alive.

"Cass, where are you?" I asked the sky. "I need you. I need you here to help with all of this. Lorna was banished and I don't know where she is or if she'll be back." I said and paused. "And we need to talk about that. You sending an angel guard for me. I appreciate the gesture but it's far from necessary." I said and paused again. "I'm scared for Dean and Sam. I'm scared about not knowing what's going to happen to them. I can't help and I don't know what to expect. I need you. Please come back as soon as you can."

Returning to the room, I found Pamela sitting in a chair, the boys resting peacefully on each bed. Pulling a chair next to her, I took her hand in mine. More for my own comfort then hers.

"They're going to be alright." She smiled at me.

"I know." I replied but my tone was anything but hopeful.

"Where's Cass?" She asked.

"I don't know. He took me to his favorite heaven and left me there. I only got out because he sent an angel to protect me. But she was banished when Alastair attacked us in the cemetery." I explained.

"Tough break." She replied before a smile spread across her face. "Evy Winchester, angel's favorite pet."

"Oh ha ha." I said sarcastically.

"I can just picture the expression on your face." She grinned in my direction. I glowered at her, crossing my arms. "And now the frown as you cross your arms."

"I hate when you do that." I said frowning further.

"But I'm so good at it." She said and laughed.

"Yes you are. You see far more than we all think." I said and looked at her with fondness.

"You can stop looking at me like that." She told me.

"Sorry." I said and looked at my hands.

"But thank you."

"For what?"

"For caring so much." She said a smile on her face when I looked up at her. "It's nice."

Smiling back at her, I just looked at her a moment before smiling. "Thank you."

"Aren't you supposed to say 'You're welcome'?" She asked.

"No." I replied shaking my head. "Thank you for everything you've done for us."

"Hey, I love you guys. I'll always help when you ask." She told me. "Even Cass."

"We love you too. And I'm sorry for what Cass did." I said sadly, even if I didn't have to.

"It's okay. I shouldn't have been looking so closely. I was just being cocky." She told me with a smirk. "He warned me and I said 'no'."

"Still sorry." I said with a shrug.

"Hey, don't worry about me." She told me.

"It keeps me from worrying about everyone else." I frowned, getting to my feet, starting to pace, my eyes locked on the boys.

"I know." Pamela said sadly. "But they'll be okay."

"And what of Cass? Or Lorna?" I retorted. "What is going on that is taking everyone I love - minus Lorna - into dangers way?"

"I don't know."

"You're supposed to know." I shot at her with more anger then I meant to.

"Just sit and try and relax." She said leaning forward in her chair.

"I'm sorry." I said sitting on the edge of Dean's bed, resting my elbows on my knees as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Don't be sorry. You're stressed, I get that, but you need to try and keep your head. If not for you than for them." She told me just as calmly as she's said everything else.

Nodding at her, I rested my chin on my laced hands; trying not to think of the worst possible thing that could be happening to everyone I care about. Pamela and I made small talk, but there wasn't a lot to say that could take my mind off what was going on. She asked about the me, Cass, and Dean triangle and I delved into a long rampage about the whole situation, ending with the most recent incidents.

"You've had a crazy ride." She told me after I was done.

"To say the least." I replied. "It's been so crazy that if I were smart I'd just go be on my own."

"And what would that do?"

"Nothing. I'd just find someone else and it would be the same cycle over and over again." I replied and looked at her. She was smiling again. "Which you obviously knew." I smiled back at her.

"You're a good person. Don't sell yourself short so often. You're always finding a way to bring yourself down. Try bringing yourself up every once in a while too." She told me.

"What are you, my shrink?" I grinned at her.

"If you want me to be I can." She grinned back. I nodded, figuring she'd know what I was doing without having to see it. "You have been through more than one human being should have. You're a hunter. A good one. You are smart, you can fight, you're not afraid to get your hands dirty, and above all else you care. You care about everyone. So much that you risk your own happiness to make sure those around you are happy. Now you have a man who loves and adores you more than any human could. He's a bona fide angel. How lucky are you?" She said and paused. Even if I wanted to say something I wouldn't have been able to think of anything. "He loves you enough to give you an angel to make sure nothing happens to you. From where I'm sitting you're the luckiest person in the world."

"And somehow I feel worse about myself." I told her.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I have all that but there are so many people out there who have less than half of what I do. And I just don't feel like I deserve it." I replied honestly.

"Well, you do. After everything that you've gone through. You do deserve it." She said holding her hand out to me.

"Thank you." I said taking it. "I really do love you, you know."

"Ditto, kid." She smiled.

The words had just left her lips when the door burst open, two large demons entering the room. Not caring about the one charging me, I threw myself in between Pamela and the other. Fighting him as I tried to protect my blind friend. The other joined the fight seconds later and I was thrown against the wall. One went for Pamela again, a knife in hand. The rest of it was a blur as I tried to protect both of us. I rushed forward as I watched the knife slip into her gut. Yelling out, I managed to get a hold of the demon blade and sliced them open. As soon as the room became quiet, I quickly spun toward Pamela. She had her hand over her stomach, no blood coming from the wound.

"Are you okay?" I asked, though I feared I already knew the answer.

"Well, I'm not going to die." She replied.

"Pamela…" I said as my eyes welled with tears.

"None of that, sweet cheeks." She grinned at me.

"I'm sorry." I said gripping her arm and waist as she moved toward the boys.

Helping her as much as she'd let me, she whispered the incantation needed into both their ears. She sat on the edge of Sam's bed as I did the same, leaning over Dean. It took a few minutes and then they shot up. Dean's arms wrapped around me as he came back from wherever he had been. Wrapping mine around him, I ran my hand down the back of his head, comforting him as he took deep breaths.

"Shhh, it's alright." I told him.

"Evy…" He said holding me tighter.

"I'm right here. You're safe."

"What happened?" He asked letting me go, looking at everything.

"That doesn't matter." I told him gently. "Did you succeed?" He nodded. Tears came to my eyes and I quickly turned to Pamela. "Cass!" I yelled. "Lorna!"

"Pamela!" Dean said sitting her down on the bed.

Blood started to pour out of Pamela's stab wound. It was only seconds later that it started to appear on her lips.

"Didn't think I was helping you only to end up dying." She grinned.

"I am so sorry." Dean told her.

I couldn't help but cry as we watched her life slip away. Where were the angels? Where were they when we needed them most? Soon she was gone, moving on to a better place. A place with no pain. A place that she would be happy. As happy as one can be after you die.

Sitting on the edge of the bed with a tear stained face, I stared at the floor. Dean and Sam were quiet as we all processed everything that had happened. We'd moved to a different hotel after we called the police and made all the arrangements for Pamela. She deserved more than what we could give her. But we did everything we could and now we sat feeling like crap, wishing things were different. I wished Cass was here but currently we didn't know where he was.

"At least you know he's okay." Dean stated.

"But where is he?" I asked.

"Right here." Cass said appearing in the room.

A fresh wave of tears came over me as I threw myself at him. He caught me in his arms, holding me tightly. Crying into his shoulder, I gripped his coat, not wanting to ever let him go. Hugging me tighter, he put his hand on the back of my head, the other wrapped around me, gently squeezing my side. There was tenseness in his posture that had me worried. There was something that he was holding in. I had the feeling that there was something very wrong.

"I'm happy you're here." I told him as I finally released him.

"I'm sorry I've been gone so long." He said putting his hand on my face.

Shutting my eyes, I relished his touch. Feeling his lips against mine, I kissed him deeply, comforted by his presence and the way his hands felt. But it was cut short when he pulled away from me, putting his forehead against mine.

"I love you." He whispered before putting his arm around me, turning back to the boys. "Thank you." He said looking at Dean.

"For what?" He asked.

"For watching over her." He replied.

"I didn't do anything." Dean said standing. "She took care of us."

"Where's Lorna?" I asked.

"She is fine." He told me.

"Good." I said resting my head against his chest. "You'll have to apologize to her for me. I wasn't a very good charge."

"She understands." He replied.

"I dragged her back down here and then she got banished." I explained.

"She's okay." He said gently rubbing my back. "Let's get you cleaned up."

I hadn't noticed the amount of blood that was on my hands and clothes. Simply looking at Cass, he grabbed my bag before leading me into the bathroom. He gently pulled my clothes off, cleaning all the blood there was, from both Pamela and the fight, before helping me into a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Not really." I told him as my throat started to tighten with emotion.

Taking my hands in his, he gently rubbed them as I fought another wave of tears. A few tears slid down my cheeks, but I managed to get control of myself relatively quickly.

"It's okay to be sad." Cass told me sweetly.

"I know." I smiled at him. "But if I keep crying I don't know if I'll be able to stop."

He nodded before placing a long kiss on my forehead. "Come, you need to sleep."

"And you're not going anywhere, right?" I asked as a single tear ran down my cheek.

"No. I'm staying with you." He said and kissed the tear from my cheek before kissing me deeply.

Taking a harsh deep breath, he led me back into the other room and helped me into bed. Sleep would be needed in order to make it through the next few days. Cass laid next to me, feeling his chest against my back, gently rubbing my arm as I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, I tried to find sleep but the night's events kept playing over and over in my head. Soon, I simply listened as the men started to talk. It didn't matter what they were saying. Just the sound of their voices was enough. Each time Cass spoke I could feel the vibrations from his voice, helping me fall asleep that much faster. It had been a hard day, but the people I loved the most were still okay. Despite all the bad that happened as long as that remained true then I would be okay.


	38. The Lesser of Two Evils

_**Chapter Thirty-eight: The Lesser of Two Evils**_

Standing in the cemetery, Dean held my hand as we watched Pamela's coffin get lowered into the ground. It had been a nice funeral. Many showed and I had even stood before the congregation and told them what she had meant to us. What she had meant to the world. Unable to tell them anything of importance, vagueness was in order, but I thought I had given a good speech. When I had sat back down Sam had taken my hand, squeezing it tightly. I smiled, unable to do anything else as tears slid down my cheeks. Then there was the luncheon before we all left, hoping to feel just a shred of peace. It felt very final. Death itself was final, but this was worse. Worse than burning or not finding the body. This made everything feel that much more real.

Sitting in the Impala, I couldn't help but think of Cass, wishing he was here with me. There were always matters to attend to, but something was wrong. He'd been preoccupied with something. Something he wasn't telling me. Meaning that it was more than likely nothing good.

"Have you heard from him?" Dean asked as we made our way to the room.

"No." I sighed. "And I'm worried. Something's going down and he's not letting me in."

"He's just protecting you." Sam told me.

"I know." I nodded. "I still hate that he's keeping things from me."

"We all do at some point." He stated.

"Yeah, and that's why I'm worried." I frowned at him.

"Come on, guys, not now." Dean told us.

"I'm gonna take a walk." I told them and walked away.

"Evy…" Dean said and followed me.

"I'm fine." I told him as he caught up to me.

"Just hold up a second." He said gently touching my side.

"I just need to clear my head." I said facing him.

"Everything is going to be okay." He said putting his hand on my face.

"I believe you." I smiled at him.

"Good." He said, putting his other hand on my face. Bringing his face closer to mine, I thought he was going to kiss me, only when the kiss came it was placed against my forehead, filled with longing.

"Thank you." I told him as I put my arms around him, resting my head on his chest, sorry that I couldn't give him what he wanted.

"You're welcome." He said before letting me go. "Don't take too long."

"I won't." I smiled, running my hand down his chest, letting it rest on his side.

He nodded before he headed back to the door where Sam stood waiting for him. Moving on, I walked around the block, trying to work through everything that might be going on. Cass would only lie to me if something big was going down and now I hadn't seen him in days. I was worried about him. I was worried about all of us.

When I got back to the room, I opened the door and stopped when I saw Cass and Uriel inside. Looking at Dean and Sam, Dean looked at me with a sad expression. "Cass…" I said and moved to him. He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tightly. "Are you okay?" I asked softly. He nodded before briefly resting his forehead against mine. I couldn't help but smile and feel better by his presence. Rubbing his back, while holding his hand, there was a definite tension in the room. "What's going on?" I asked looking up at him.

"There is a matter we need to discus with Dean." He relied, pulling me tighter against his side.

My eyes shot to Dean. It was obvious that they had already told Dean what but none of them were about to share. "About what?" I asked.

"We have Alastair but we are unable to get him to talk. He needs more persuasion that we are not able to give." Cass explained, though I knew it was just a half truth.

"So you want Dean to what, take a whack at it?" I asked. Cass didn't say anything. "You can't be serious." I said releasing him.

"We need his help." He said looking at me.

"Castiel, you can't honestly be asking what I think you are." I said shortly. He just looked at me. "Great." I said and paced away from him before going to Dean's side. "It's not right."

"Wanna let the group know what you two aren't telling us?" He asked. I looked up at him, locking my eyes with his, and sighed. He frowned before his face smoothed out and looked at Cass. "Great. That's just great." He said and started to pace.

"You don't have to do it." I told Dean. He just continued to pace. "Dean, you don't have to do it." I repeated as I grabbed his arm.

"Evy." Cass said looking at me.

"What?" I shot at him.

"A word." He said motioning to the door.

Rolling my eyes, I went outside, my boyfriend following me. "What is it?"

"Do not interfere with this." He told me, eying me from the side.

"Please tell me you're joking." I frowned at him.

"I am not." He replied.

"You are asking him to torture the demon who taught him the art in Hell. You can't ask him something like that!" I shot at him. "It's not right and you know it."

"We need to know what Alastair knows and Dean's the only one who can get it for us." He said now squaring off with me.

"I'm not going to let you do this." I told him more gently.

"You don't have a choice." He said and moved to go inside.

Whipping around to face him, I gave him the best pleading voice I had, knowing that it would affect him. "I'm asking you, Cass, as the woman you love, don't do this."

He stopped before he turned and stepped up to me. "You cannot ask this of me."

In the next second he disappeared. I rushed inside to see Sam standing there with a worried expression on his face. "Where's Dean?" I asked.

"They took him." He told me.

"Cass!" I yelled into the air. "Castiel, you are in _so_ much trouble!"

"What are we going to do?" Sam asked.

"I don't know." I told him. "He's gonna be hard to find. If they didn't want to tell us anything then they won't. I don't have the slightest idea where to look for him. And Cass isn't going to come anytime soon." We both sighed and stood there, trying to think of what to do next. "I asked him not to." I told Sam. "I used our relationship to try and convince him not to take Dean." I said and finally looked at him. "Do you know what this will do to Dean? He was finally getting over everything that happened to him in Hell. He was finally moving on and now he's going to be tossed right back into it."

"We need to find him." Sam said running his fingers through his hair.

"Dean's going to do what Cass asks him to do. They're friends. Dean wants to help. He'll do anything to help stop the apocalypse. This sucks." I said sitting on the edge of the bed, lacing my fingers as I rested my elbows on my knees and my lips against my hands.

"I'll be in touch." Sam said as he grabbed his things.

"Where are you going?" I asked. He didn't say anything. "Can I at least come with you?"

"No." He said kissing my forehead before leaving the room.

Now I stood alone. Cass had taken Dean. Sam was going to do God knows what. I didn't know what to do next. Where to turn for help. I opened my phone to call Bobby but I knew that he couldn't help me. I knew just as much as he did so there was no point in worrying him when I knew there was nothing he could do. Sighing, there was only one thought that came to mind. Only one person that might be able to help me. It was a long shot. It was a long shot and something that might end up hurting rather than helping. But I had to try.

"Lorna?" I said to the room. "If you can hear me and if you're still looking out for me…I could really use your help right now."

"I can't help you with this." She said appearing after a moment.

"Why not?" I asked her as I felt the emotions starting to take hold. She simply looked at me sadly. "He told you not to." I stated. "Didn't he?"

"Yes." She replied. "I cannot take you where you wish to go. Things need to be dealt with and if this is what has to happen then I am unable to interfere."

"But it's wrong!" I yelled at her. She frowned at me. "I'm sorry." I said calming down. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried."

"About Dean?" She asked with a raised brow.

"Yes." I told her.

"Not Castiel?"

"He can take care of himself. But he's asked the one thing from Dean that could ruin him. They're supposed to be friends. Not…he just…" I said running my fingers through my hair. "He shouldn't be doing this."

"Which one?"

"Both of them!" I yelled before dropping onto the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be yelling at you."

"You're scared." She said sitting next to me.

"Sam left too." I frowned. "Why does it always seem like I'm being left in the dark. Always for my "protection". I can handle myself."

"I know." She replied.

"You do?" I asked.

"I do." She said with a small smile. The first I'd ever seen on her face. "But they love you. They love you enough to want to keep you safe, even though they know you can handle what's going on."

"I hate that." I told her.

"You're lucky." She told me seriously.

Looking at her I knew that she was telling the truth. There was something else there. Something else that she was telling me without saying a word.

"You have feelings for him." I stated. She lowered her head, which was enough confirmation to tell me I was right. "Wow." I said and lowered my head.

"You have nothing to fear." She told me sweetly. "It'll always be you."

"I know." I said and looked at her. "But it's weird being on the other side."

"Yes." She said with a small smile. "I'm sure it is."

We were quiet for a long moment before I asked, "What do we do now?"

"I'll wait with you." She told me.

"You'd do that?"

"It is my job." She said giving me a full smile.

"Only, you know I can't do that." I told her.

"This time you will." She told me, serious again.

"I can't, Lorna." I told her, getting ready to stand up.

"Yes you can." She said and before I could stop her she put her fingers to my forehead and everything fell away.

* * *

><p>Opening my eyes, I was standing in my field.<p>

"What the hell?" I frowned as I turned in a circle.

"You need to stay safe." Lorna told me.

"I need to find Cass and Dean." I shot at her.

"They're together and they'll be okay." She told me.

"And Sam?" I asked.

"He'll be okay." She stated.

"Why do I have to be safe? What if I want to be in the thick of it?" I asked getting in her face.

"Trust me, you don't." She told me seriously.

"What is happening?" I asked her sadly. "What is it with Alastair that has everyone on edge like this?"

"Angels are dead." She told me quickly. "Angels are dead and…" She said and stopped.

"And what?" I asked, finally getting somewhere.

"And Dean was the first seal. None of this would be happening if it weren't for him."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, not wanting to believe her.

"When Dean said 'yes' and stepped off of the rack, he broke the first seal. Everything started going to hell the second that happened."

"I don't believe you." I said as I walked toward my home.

"You don't have to. It's still the truth." She said walking with me.

"Does he know?" I asked her.

"He will before the end of the night." She stated.

"This will crush him." I told her, as I stopped.

"I know." She told him.

"So does Cass." I stated. "And if he tells Dean then that puts a damper on the happy little family we're trying to keep together."

"I know." She repeated.

"What am I supposed to do?" I frowned at her. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this information?"

"That…I don't know." She said sadly.

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair as I went to the house. Going to the library I pulled out a notepad, pen, and all the books I knew would contain what I needed. Compiling a list of all the seals we knew to be broken and what they meant, I tried to figure out the other possible seals that Lilith might hit. Lorna sat and watched but didn't say anything unless I asked her to. She helped by telling me the seals she knew but it was so random that there was no way to figure out what would happen next. It started with Dean. Fine. But it had to end with someone as well then. There had to be something specific that the last one had to be. I just needed to figure out who that was.

"This is crazy." I told Lorna as I looked at the books and papers littering the room. "Dean was the first righteous man to shed blood in Hell. Breaking the first seal. There was the rising of the witnesses; my son was shown to me then. There was Sam Hain. The reapers, but they saved the seal when they saved Tessa. The teacher who killed the sixty-six children. Fifteen fishermen go blind." I said rambling.

"And it is written, that the first demon shall be the last Seal." Lorna said softly.

"There are over 600 seals. There is no way we can pinpoint which ones Lilith will hit. They are random. But if we can find some sort of pattern…" I said looking over the massive dry erase board I had summoned to write on.

"There is no pattern." Lorna said stepping next to me. "Even with the knowledge that we have we cannot pinpoint which one she will break next."

"There has to be big ones that she might need." I told her.

"Or really little ones that no one will notice." She said with a pondering look on her face.

Looking at her, I couldn't help but smile, liking the bonding moment we were having. We agonized over the board for hours. There were a few that might be something she might do. Mass cattle deaths and such. But, as we both figured, there was no way of narrowing it down.

"Well, after staring at all this information I don't feel any closer to figuring anything out. How about you?" I asked as I dropped into the desk chair.

"I don't either." She told me.

Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair. "Is there anything about Lucifer that would help us narrow it down?" I asked.

"Not that I know of. Lucifer is unique." She told me. "He may not seem like a bad angel but what he wants is to destroy the human race. We need to stop that from happening."

"I agree." I nodded. There was a moment of silence as I looked at her. "Can you tell what's happening? What's going on?"

She seemed to look at nothing as she bowed her head for a moment. She looked at me before shaking her head. "I'm not sure."

"Okay." I told her sadly.

We continued to distract ourselves with seals. I delved into all the information I could about Lucifer and Lilith, hoping that if I could learn as much as I could then I could anticipate what they might do next. Though I knew there was no way of figure it out. Demons were characteristically random and unpredictable. And if Lucifer was released there was no way of knowing what he would do.

* * *

><p>After a few more hours had gone by, both of us were sitting at the kitchen table, silent and discouraged. Even with an angel helping me, we were no closer to finding the upper hand then we were when we started. It was frustrating. To top it off I was getting more and more worried. Only it wasn't for Cass. I was worried for Dean. Worried about what this would do to him. I hated not knowing what they were doing. What was happening to them?<p>

"I'm sure they are all right." Lorna told me. What I was thinking must have been written all over my face.

"I wish I believed you." I told her with a small smile. "I appreciate you saying it though."

"It is not in my nature to ask but…" She said and paused. "What made you choose Castiel?"

"I don't think anyone's ever asked me that." I smiled with furrowed brows.

"I don't think most want the answer. You were always supposed to be with Dean."

I nodded my agreement, "Yes, I was." She just looked at me, waiting for my response. "When I met Cass I was still grieving Dean. It took all my energy to just keep breathing. To wake up in the morning and face a world where Dean didn't exist. Then a man in a trench coat started showing up. He would only say a word or two before he disappeared again." I told her, smiling. "I was intrigued by him but he wasn't Dean so I never really gave him a second thought. But he kept appearing, kept showing up, at important times. When I was hurt or overly depressed or in any sort of danger. He was watching me for a while. But I never put it together. I just assumed he was another man." I paused, remembering. "But then he showed up and saved me from vampires. Feelings had already been invested on both our ends. We both cared about each other. Him being around had made me finally feel like I could move on. To fall for someone else. And I was." I smiled, meeting her eyes. "I was falling for him. So I thanked him that night. So happy that he was there. Then he told me what he was. Told me what he was and only a half-truth on why he was here. I was upset. I kicked him out with no intention of seeing him again. So I hunted. I hunted and helped out friends. Then he randomly showed up again, telling me that he needed to show me something. I was so angry at him but all the feelings I had for him were still there. But then he showed me Dean." Feeling a rush of emotions, I looked at her. She simply sat there, waiting for me to go on. "I was ecstatic to see him. For a minute I thought everything could be exactly the way it was. But Cass kept showing up. He was supposed to be around, helping us and everything, but every time he showed up the feelings I had for him would flare and we'd find ourselves in trouble in each other's arms. I'd try and be happy with Dean but Cass was always there. Always on my mind. We were intimate ever since the night with the vampires. I tried to hate him for a while but even Dean wouldn't let me keep that up. Even when he found out about me and Cass he still forgave me. I thought it was a sign. That Dean and I were going to be okay. But I could never keep it up. I fell in love with Cass. I still love Dean. I will _always_ love Dean. But Cass?" I smiled, feeling a happy light come to my eyes. "He makes me feel like I'm some rare jewel that he just happened to stumble upon. He makes me feel so happy, even when I'm mad at him. And he's special. He's an angel and he loves me. And the fact that he's lacking people skills makes it that much more fun." I told her with a little laugh. "So…in the end the decision was easy. I can't get enough of Cass. He surprises me every day. I listen to love songs and they all make sense. He's amazing. He's everything." I grinned and looked at her. "Sorry for rambling. I'm known for that."

"Don't be." She smiled and nodded at me. "I understand now."

"Do you?" I asked with furrowed brows.

"Yes." She nodded again.

"Why were you asking?"

"We've been around for a very long time." She told me. "We've walked the earth since the beginning. We watched as our father created you, watched as you grew and defined your existence. Watched as you develop relationships and build families. We watch you fall in love, make love, show love…" She said and smiled at me sadly. "We watch and feel a longing to know…to know what it feels like. Cass is no different, though he always showed more restraint then the others. His one goal was to do what Father wanted. But then he saw you." She said and kept her eyes on me for a moment. "He tried to keep his focus. To stay on task and do what was asked of him. But he was drawn to you. Drawn to something that he couldn't place. It was like he looked at you and you were enveloped in a glow that entranced him. He couldn't look away. I asked him once, what he was thinking, and all he told me was that he finally knew what it felt like. That was when I knew he was in love with you. He'll do anything for you."

"Not anything." I told her. "I couldn't stop him from taking Dean."

"Whatever he's doing is important and Dean is essential to it." She replied.

"That doesn't make me feel any better." I said rubbing my hands together. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her frown, the expression on her face similar to Cass's when he was hearing angel chatter. "What is it?" I asked her.

"It's going to be okay." She told me before she disappeared.

Standing up, my stomach fell with nervousness before Cass appeared in front of me. Slowly getting to my feet, I looked at him. There was something about the look on his face that told me something was wrong. He stepped toward me, stopping just a few feet from me.

"Hi." I said softly.

As soon as the word left my lips Cass had me in his arms, pressing his lips against mine in a hot kiss. Wrapping my arms around him, I kissed him back, my tongue dancing with his. For a moment all my worries melted away and I leaned into him, loving his touch, the feel of his lips against mine. When he finally released me I felt light headed and took a moment to catch my breath, running my hands up and down his chest.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. He put his hand on my face, gently rubbing my cheekbone with his thumb. "Something's wrong." I frowned. "What happened?" I asked. He remained silent. "Cass?" I frowned harder and stepped away from him. "What happened?" I repeated.

"I'm sorry." He told me.

"For what?" I asked.

"For what you're about to see." He replied and held out his hand to me.

I felt myself start to shake as I took his hand. A second later we were in a hospital room. It was dark, looking at the clock I realized that it was much later then I had expected it to be. A curtain was to my right and I knew that Dean was on the other side. Cass just looked at me, seemingly deciding not to give me an explanation. Frowning at him, I turned and rushed around the curtain, stopping dead as I beheld the sight in front of me. Dean lay in the bed, his face beaten and his neck badly bruised. Tears came to my eyes as I looked at him, covering my mouth to keep myself from letting out a sound, even though I couldn't get my mouth to close. Stepping up to the bed I took his hand in mine, sitting on the edge of it. Hearing Cass step up behind me, I felt a horrible anger come over me.

"What did you do?" I asked without looking at him.

"It didn't go as well as we had planned." He replied.

"What happened?" I asked, turning my head, still not looking at him.

"Alastair got free from the devil's trap. He attacked Dean. I got there in time to save him. He tried to exorcise me from this body but Sam came and killed Alastair." He said and paused. Now I looked at him. "It turned out that it was Uriel who was killing the angels and it was Uriel who set Alastair free. I went after him and nearly was killed if Anna hadn't killed him."

Part of me wanted to comfort him, apologize for thinking he was to blame for all of this. But Dean was still before me in worse condition then I'd seen him in a long time. "Why didn't you heal Dean?" I asked.

"By the time I returned, Sam had already taken Dean to the hospital. I tried talking to Dean, telling him that he was the only one who can stop all this. He turned me away." He explained.

"Can you blame him?" I frowned, now looking at him. "You took him there. You made him do it." I frowned as I stood and faced him. "He trusted you. After everything that we've gone through, everything we've done, you took him and had him torture the man who taught him the craft. You have _no_ idea what that would do to him. I asked you not to take him, not to do it, and you did it anyway. Now look at him." I frowned and pointed at Dean. Cass averted his eyes. "Look at him!" I yelled. Cass looked at Dean, a sad expression moving across his face. "Look. At. Him." I repeated again, my voice cracking.

"Evy." I heard Dean's voice. It was raspy and quiet.

Turning, I rushed to his side, sitting in the chair next to his bed, taking his hand in mine. "It's okay." I told him, gently running my hand through his hair. He looked at me and for a second I saw his lip quiver, just once, just enough. "Please go, Cass." I told him sadly, taking a deep harsh breath.

"Evy, I didn't mean for this to happen." He told me.

"I know." I nodded and looked at him as a tear slid down my cheek. "I know you didn't, but it did, and I'm angry with you. Just go and I'll call you later." He nodded and disappeared. Turning to Dean I smiled and placed a kiss on the back of his hand. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." He told me.

"I asked him not to take you. I asked him not to do it and he did it anyway." I told him as more tears fell.

"You're not allowed to feel guilty for this." He frowned at me. I nodded at him. "You had nothing to do with this."

"I know." I told him. "I know that but I still consider it my job to look out for you. To keep you safe. What's the point of having friends in high places if I can't call upon them for help?"

"Like who?" He frowned.

"I could call Lorna. She'd heal you." I told him.

"She might not have the power and she's Cass's bitch. She's not going to do something he doesn't want her to do." Dean countered.

"Maybe not. But she appears able to bend the rules so she doesn't get into trouble." I told him.

"Don't do it for me." He said softly.

"Why not?" I frowned at him.

"I'm going to be okay." He said and squeezed my hand. "I'm going to be okay and we don't need any more angels trying to help us."

"I know you don't like them very much." I stated.

"No, I don't." He confirmed. "But I support you and what you think. I also know that you love Cass and that it kills you to have sent him away."

"Not this time." I said meeting his eyes. "I know he didn't mean for this to happen but I can't ignore the fact that he knew something might happen. He knew what he was doing by taking you there and he did it anyway."

"What does that mean?" Dean frowned.

"It means that I get to be mad at him for a while." I smiled at him.

"That'll pass." He smiled.

"Usually does." I said putting my hand on his face gently rubbing his cheek. "I'm glad you're okay."

"I am too." He said putting his hand on my wrist.

Leaning forward, I rested my forehead against his, taking a deep steadying breath.


	39. Déjà Vu Part I

_**Chapter Thirty-nine: Déjà Vu Part I**_

It had been a very long day. Or few days. It was shocking how far these damn angels would go to try and break us. To break us and make us their own little personal slaves. We were below them. Below their higher than thou complexes that make them think they can do whatever they want whenever they want. I would never understand what went through their heads. Never understand what they really wanted from us. I hated the feeling. I hated it. The only one I knew how to read was Cass and he wasn't talking to me right now.

"Have you apologized?" Sam asked as we sat around drinking in our room.

"Till I was blue in the face." I told him. "It's his turn to be mad and I don't blame him."

"You two were just talking again and then…" Sam said shaking his head as he drank more of his beer.

"Then Zachariah happened and I'm the one in the dog house." I finished for him before downing my beer.

"Not with me." Dean grinned as he took a slow drink off of his.

"Very funny." I told him with narrowed eyes.

"I'm just saying I'm not complaining." He stated.

"It's not going to happen again anytime soon." I told him, leaning toward him, but I couldn't help but grin.

"Felt like old times." He stated doing the same.

Leaning further, my lips were almost to his before I stopped, "Not gonna happen." I whispered before leaning back.

"Now that's just mean." He said but was still grinning.

"We didn't even know who we were." I reminded them.

"And yet you still fell for me." Dean said with a small smile.

"And there is the reason why Cass isn't speaking to me." I said sadly, getting another beer.

"He'll get over it." Dean said but still had a smile on his face.

"You apparently are going to hold it over my head." I said looking at him. He just grinned at me. "Please do not mention it to Cass." I told him seriously. "The last thing I need is for you to piss him off further."

Taking it as my time to leave, I went to the bathroom and turned on the water. I had hoped that Cass would appear but I, sadly, was left to enjoy a long hot shower alone. But when I pushed the curtain back, Dean was sitting on the toilet grinning at me.

"Dean!" I yelled and grabbed a towel. "What are you doing?" I frowned at him.

"Just enjoying the view." He replied.

"You need to stop this." I told him seriously as I wrapped the towel around my body.

"I don't think so." He said pulling me onto his lap.

Instinctively putting my arm around him, I sighed as he wrapped one arm around my waist, the other around my legs.

Sighing, I looked at him. "It really does." I replied putting my hand on his face before I stood up.

"Maybe it's a sign." He told me.

"Dean." I said and looked at him skeptically.

"You picked me first. It's only a matter of time before you come back." He said and stood.

"This is an awfully big turnaround for you." I frowned at him. "Do you know something I don't?" I asked as I pulled on clothes.

"What happened made me dare to hope." He said as he stepped up to me, leaning against the counter next to me. Looking at him I wasn't sure what to say. "Your silence is kind of a confirmation."

"Dean, don't do that." I finally told him.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because we've been down this road before. I made a difficult decision and I'm sticking to it." I told him. "I love Cass and am not going to hurt him like that. Before I had the excuse of not remembering who I was. If anything else happens then it would be of my own accord and I'm not going to hurt him like that."

"You hurt me like that." He stated.

"I know." I said turning to face him. "And I learned from that. We've been very amiable and I don't want to change that now."

"I'm still going to hope." He told me.

"After that jab you're still going to hope?" I asked with a raised brow.

"Of course I am." He said gently gripping my chin before leaving the room.

Sighing, I sat on the toilet and tried to figure out what I was going to do. I knew that Cass wouldn't come if I called and now I had a giddy Dean in the other room daring to hope. Today was a complicated day. Now all I wanted was some sort of job to distract myself with.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the Impala we were on our way to our latest ghost hunt. It was simple but I was ready to latch on to anything. It wasn't just me who needed to be distracted. Dean kept eyeing me and trying to force me into any sort of physical contact. Sam refused to take shotgun, telling me that he was rooting for whatever Dean had in mind. I however was not going let him get the best of me.<p>

"Wanna take a shower?" Dean asked, pressing his face into my hair.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk." I told him, moving away from him quickly.

"Hey." He said grabbing my hand.

"Dean…" I frowned as he pulled me in front of him.

"I know that I've been the ass. I know that I pushed you away and let you stay that way. I know that you're in love with another man. I know all of that but you're still the first person I think of when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep." He told me sweetly. "That has to mean something."

"It does." I smiled, putting my hand on his face. "But…more often than not, I think of Cass." He frowned. "But if it makes you feel better you're the second." I said placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Only a little." He said, making me smile at him as I walked out the door.

Getting coffee, they told me of a park that had a nice path that led through the trees. It was a nice change of pace. The calmness of the trees. The gentle sound of rustling leaves as a soft breeze blew past. The feel of it made me think of Cass. The serenity of the time we had in heaven. A time where I was more happy then sad or confused. Running my hand through my hair, I heaved a heavy sigh, as I tried not to let my emotions get the best of me.

"I'm sorry." Cass's voice said sadly as his hand slipped into mine. "I know that you didn't know any better."

"You weren't there to choose between." I told him. "He was there and I didn't know him. It was all Zachariah's fault anyway."

"I know." He said wrapping his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him as he placed a kiss in my hair. "I'm sorry I got angry."

"No, I understand why you did." I told him. "But you know that it doesn't mean anything."

"I do." He said and stopped me.

Turning to face him, I gripped his coat in both hands as I leaned into him. Looking up at him, he lowered his head and kissed me deeply. Moving onto my tiptoes I wrapped my arms around his neck, my hand gripping his hair as I pressed harder against him.

"Thank you for coming back." I whispered to him.

"I could never leave you for long. No matter how angry I might be." He said and kissed me again.

"I love you." I smiled.

"I love you more." He smiled before we disappeared from the park.

"Not quite what I had in mind." I said as I looked at Dean and Sam.

"Nice of you to stop by." Dean grinned at the angel. "Not sure I invited you though."

"Stop it." I said hitting his legs off the chair they were on so I could sit down, resting one arm on the arm of the chair as I pouted about not getting away with my boyfriend. "I don't know why we're here anyway." I stated looking at Cass. He gave me a small smile before he came and stood next to me. I nonchalantly played with his fingers as I listened to the quiet sounds of research. "Do you need any help?" I asked.

"Nope, we've got it so far." Dean replied.

"Good." I said and stood. "Let's go." I told Cass.

He placed a kiss against my forehead with a smile. "I'm going to go. You stay here and help them."

"Cass." I said and frowned at him. "You can't be serious."

He pulled me into his arms, resting the side of his face against mine. "Just don't sleep with him."

Smiling, I buried my face in his neck. "Please keep in touch with me."

"I will." He said and kissed me before he disappeared.

Sighing, I walked to the open bed and fell backward on top of it. Lacing my hands, putting the back of them against my forehead. Soon I felt the bed shift and Dean lay next to me on his stomach, resting his chin on his folded arms. Not looking at him, I stared at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking?" Dean asked softly.

"That I have a very complicated life." I told him.

"I have an idea." He said and got up, holding his hand out to me.

"What idea?" I frowned at him.

"Just trust me." He smiled.

Taking his hand, he pulled me to my feet before we left the room. He led me down the road, stopping me with my back to a window.

"We are just looking. We're not buying anything." He said before turning me around.

A grin immediately crossed my face as I looked at the puppies in the window of the pet shop. "Thank you." I told him, pressing a kiss against his cheek.

I hadn't realized how therapeutic it was to play with little bundles of fur. The shop owner allowed us to take them out, playing with them on the floor, watching as they all romped around with each other.

"Thank you." I told Dean again as a pup dozed in my lap.

"We're not buying." He said with raised brows.

Laughing, I nodded, "I know."

"Good." He said but smiled. "If there is one thing I know that cheers you up it's a dog or a horse or some other animal friend."

"This is true." I smiled at him. "I really do appreciate it."

"You're welcome." He said and put his hand on my knee.

Unconsciously taking his hand, I stroked the puppy's head, loving the little guy. As much as it made me feel better it also made me feel guilty and sad. Lincoln was still out there and so far we haven't found one single sign of the skinwalkers or where they would have taken him. My dog was lost and there was little to no hope of finding him.

"We'll figure it out." Dean told me randomly.

"Sorry?" I asked him.

"Linc." He replied. "We'll figure it out and we'll find him."

"It's like you're reading my mind." I smiled at him.

"Been doing that for years." He smiled back.

I was going to say something but Dean's phone rang, Sam's ringtone sounding in his pocket. An hour later we were walking into Golden Comics to talk to a Dan Dabb. The boys were dressed in their usual suits and long coats while I wore a gray business suit, a white shirt underneath with blue pinstripes on it. A slick long coat of my own on. I didn't look too shabby. Not to mention the black high heels that I was wearing.

"You're so sexy." Dean said as we walked to the counter.

"Easy Cujo." I grinned at him before I gently flipped my hair.

"I hate you." He whispered before we put our act back on.

"Mr. Dabb?" Sam asked him.

"Can I help you?"

"Sure hope so." Dean replied. "Agents DeYoung, Shaw, and Panozzo. Just need to ask you a few questions."

"See anything strange in the building last couple of days?" Sam asked him.

"Like what?" Dabb asked.

"Some tenants reported flickering lights." Dean replied.

"I don't think so. Why?"

As the boys did their question and answer game, I moved around the store, listening as I scoped the place out. Moving past them, my fingers slid along the bin of bargain books. Not really looking at anything, something popped out at me. Taking a step back, I frowned as I looked down at a book. _Supernatural_ looked back up at me. Pulling the book out, I looked at the cover. Two half naked men were looking back at me. They were standing in front of a Chevy Impala. On the other side of the car stood a woman in a skimpy attire fit for any badass chick.

"What the hell?" I whispered as Dan Dabb's voice made me look up.

"You guys are LARPing, aren't you?" He grinned at the boys.

"Excuse me?" Dean asked.

"You're fans." He stated.

"Fans of what?" Sam asked.

"What is LARPing?" Dean asked.

"Like you don't know." He said looking at them.

"They don't." I said stepping up to Dean. "Live Action Role Playing." I told them. "And I get it." I said and looked at Dabb.

"You're asking questions like the building's haunted. Like those guys from the books. What are they called?"

"_Supernatural_." I told him.

"That's it!" He told me. "Two guys use fake IDs with rock aliases, hunt down ghosts, demons, vampires. What are their names? Steve and Dirk? Sal and Dane?"

"Sam and Dean?" Sam offered.

"That's it." Dabb nods. "Plus they have this hot chick that works with them too. Dean and her have a thing. I think she deserves better."

"Okay, we get it." Dean told him. "You're saying this is a book?"

"Books. It was a series. Didn't sell a lot of copies though. Kind of more of an underground cult following." He told us.

"This it?" I asked as I held up the book.

"Yeah, that's the first one, I think." He told me.

Dean took the book from me. "_Supernatural,_ By Carver Edlund." He read the cover before turning the book over. "Along a lonely California highway, a mysterious woman in white lures men to their deaths."

"Give me that." Sam frowned as he took the book, looking it over. "We're gonna need all the copies of _Supernatural_ you got." He told Dabb.

Dabb disappeared jut as I head a screech behind me and I whipped around to see a woman in her early twenties running toward me. She threw her arms around me, squealing about something.

"Can you stop hugging me now?" I said as I pulled out of her grasp.

"Who the hell are you?" Dean frowned as he took a step in front of me, pushing the girl away from me.

"Oh my _God_!" She said as she squirmed in front of me. "If you are who I think you are then I have just died and gone to heaven!" She grinned at me.

"And who do you think I am?" I asked.

"Evy Connors!" She squealed and wrapped her arms around me again.

"What the hell?" I said and looked at Dean. "Dean."

Dean yanked her off of me again. "Get the hell off of her." He said still frowning.

"I just can't believe it." She said and then a new wave hit her as she realized who I was standing with. "Wait…you said Dean!" She said and squealed all over again. "Just the way I pictured you."

"Can we go?" I asked Dean after Dabb handed Sam the box of books.

They nodded and I quickly left, going to the Impala. It was a few minutes later before the boys joined me.

"That was weird." I told them. "Wasn't that weird? Because I think that was very, _very_ weird."

As soon as we were back at the motel, Dean and I took over the beds as we started reading through the books. Sam opened his computer and started to research whatever he could find about the books and who wrote them.

"Everything is right on." I said as I rubbed my face with my free hand, a book in the other. "Everything in here happened. Everything is here. I mean…" I said and stopped, shaking my head.

"Everything is there?" Dean asked.

"Oh, shut up." I shot at him but smiled.

"This is freaking insane. How's this guy know all this stuff?" Dean frowned as he read.

"Some of this should just not be put into words." I stated as I turned the page.

"You got me. Everything is in here. I mean, everything. From the racist truck to me having sex. I'm full-frontal in here, dude. How come we haven't heard of them before?"

"Wait, let me see that one." I smirked as I reached for the book.

"It's nothing you haven't seen for yourself." Dean frowned, holding the book to his chest.

"They were pretty obscure. I mean, almost zero circulation." Sam explained. "Started in '05. Publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt. And the last one, _No Rest for the Wicked_…ends with you going to hell."

My stomach dropped and I looked at Sam. "What?"

"Yup." He replied and looked at me sadly.

"Where is that one?" I asked as I searched the books on the bed.

"Well, I reiterate. Freaking insane." Dean said sitting at the table, looking at the computer. "Oh, check it out, there's actually fans. Not many of them, but still. Did you read this?"

"Yeah." Sam replied.

Still looking for the book, I kept looking up to make sure Dean wasn't noticing my frantic searching.

"For fans, they sure do complain a lot. Listen to this. Simpatico says, "The demon story line is trite, clichéd and overall craptastic." Yeah, well, screw you, Simpatico, we lived it."

"Exactly." I commented.

"Yeah. Well, keep on reading. Gets better." Sam replied.

"There are Sam Girls and Dean Girls and – What's a slash fan?" Dean said looking at his brother.

"As in…Sam-slash-Dean. Together." Sam replied.

"That's disgusting." I frowned, giving up for the moment.

"Like, "together" together?" Dean asked.

"Yeah." Sam replied.

"They do know we're brothers, right?" Dean said with raised brows.

"Doesn't seem to matter." Sam told him.

"People are gross." I added.

"Oh, come one. That—that's just sick." He stated and closed the computer. "We gotta find this Carver Edlund."

"Yeah, that might not be so easy." Sam stated.

"Why not?" I frowned.

"No tax records, no known address. Looks like Carver Edlund is a pen name." Sam told us.

"Somebody's gotta know who he is." Dean replied.

"Well, who's the publisher?" I asked Sam.

Soon we were walking into the publisher's office. Her name was Sera Siege and, from the looks of it, was a very big fan.

"So you published the _Supernatural_ books?" Sam asked her.

"Yup. Yeah. Gosh, those books. They never really got the attention they deserved." Sera told us. "All anybody wants to read anymore is that romance crap. You know, _Dr. Sexy, M.D._? Please."

"Good show." I stated as we looked at the line of _Supernatural _books on the wall.

"Right. Well, we're hoping that our article can shine a light on an underappreciated series." Sam told her.

She seemed to get excited about that. "Yeah. If we got a little bit of good press, then maybe we could start publishing again."

"No, no, no. God, no. Why would you wanna to that?" Dean blurted out. Taking his hand, I squeezed it as I smiled at her. "You know, it's such a complete series…what with Dean going to hell and all." Dean covered.

"Oh, my God, that was one of my favorite ones…because Dean was so strong and sad and brave. Evy's reaction was just- And Sam- I mean, the best parts are when they cry. You know, like in _Heart_, when Sam had to kill Madison…the first woman since Jessica he really loved. And in _Home_, when Dean had to call John and ask him for help. Not to mention when Evy was brought back to life and Riley had her memory erased. I was afraid she'd never remember Dean. I don't even wanna think about how she was when Dean went to Hell…" Sera rambled off.

"What the-?" Dean whispered looking at his brother and me.

Sera whimpered as she became emotional over the thought of our pain and suffering. "Gosh. If only real men were so open and in touch with their feelings. If only I was as tough as Evy."

"Real men?" Dean asked with raised brows.

"Uh- I mean, no offense. How often do you cry like that?" Sera asked looking at him.

"Well, right now, I'm crying on the inside." Dean smirked at her.

"Is that supposed to be funny?" Sera frowned at him.

"Lady, this whole this is funny." Dean told her.

"And she is not that tough." I frowned at her. "If anything she is too emotionally involved with everything they do."

"What do you know? Have you ever fought ghosts, werewolves, or vampires? I'd say that takes a pretty tough person. And emotions make you human."

Looking at Dean, I mocked her softly, "Emotions make you human."

"How do I know you two are legit, hm?" She asked, now annoyed.

"Oh, trust me. We uh—we're legit." Dean told her.

"Don't want any smart-ass article making fun of my boys." She stated.

"Your boys?" I frowned at her, taking a step forward.

"No, no, no. Never." Sam said gripping my arm as he looked at his brother.

"No, that's -" Dean started, pulling me to his side.

"We are actually, um…big fans." Sam told her.

"Hm. You've read the books." Sera said looking at us, her eyes lingering on me.

"Cover to cover." Dean smiled.

"Between the lines." I added.

"There's a lot between the lines." She stated as if she knew us. "What's the year and model of the car?"

"1967 Chevy Impala." Dean smiled.

"What's May 2nd?"

"That's my—I mean. That's Sam's birthday." Sam stated, annoyance in his tone.

"January 24th is Dean's." Dean told her.

"May 21st is Evy's." I told her.

"What breed is Cooper and where did she get him?"

"German Shepherd and from a creep at a dog boarding facility." I replied.

"Sam's score on the LSAT?"

"One…seventy-four." Sam told her.

"Dean's favorite song?"

"It's a tie. Between Zep's 'Rambling On'-"

"And 'Traveling Riverside Blues'." I finished for him.

"Okay." She chuckled. "Okay. What do you wanna know?"

"What's Carver Edlund's real name?" Sam asked.

"Oh, no. No, sorry, I can't do that." She told us.

"We just wanna talk to him. Get the _Supernatural_ story in his own words." Sam said trying to convince her.

"He's very private. Just like Salinger." She told him.

"Please. Like I said, we are, um, heh…big…big fans." Sam said pulling down his shirt. Looking at Dean and me, we too pulled our shirts down, showing off our tattoos.

Sera grinned at us. "Awesome. One sec. You know what?" She stood and pulled down her pants. "I got one, too."

"Wow, you are a fan." Dean said looking at it.

"Dean." I frowned and hit his chest.

"Ha. Wow. Okay." She said picking up a post-it, writing something down. "His name's Chuck Shurley. And he's a genius, so don't piss him off." She said and handed it over.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the car, I looked at the house, not willing to get out just yet. "This is crazy, you know that right?"<p>

"Yup." Dean replied.

"I'm not sure I wanna go in there." I said looking at him.

"Well, you're going anyway." He said getting out.

Coming around, he opened my door, offering his hand to me. "If I don't like it, it'll be you who has to deal with me."

"I'm okay with that." He smiled as we walked up to the door.

Dean rang the doorbell and we waited for this mystery writer to answer the door. When it finally opened, an average looking man was looking back at us. He was several inches shorter than Dean, with a scrawny build, glasses, and reddish hair and beard. He was a nerd. The thought bringing a smile to my face.

"You Chuck Shurley?" Dean asked.

"The Chuck Shurley who wrote the _Supernatural _books?" Sam added so there would be no mistake.

"Maybe. Why?" Chuck replied.

"I'm Dean. This is Evy. And this is Sam." Dean introduced us. "The Dean, Evy, and Sam you've been writing about."

"Yeah." Chuck whispered and closed the door. Dean just sighed and incessantly rang the doorbell until Chuck opened the door again. "Look, um, I appreciate your enthusiasm. Really, I do. It's always nice to hear from the fans. But for your own good, I strongly suggest you get a life." He told us and attempted to close the door again. Only Dean stopped him.

"See, here's the thing. We have a life. You've been using it to write your books." Dean said as he led us into the house.

"Wait a minute. Now, this isn't funny." Chuck told us.

"Damn straight, it's not funny." Dean shot at him.

"We just wanna know how you're doing it." Sam added.

"I'm not doing anything." Chuck told us.

Sitting on the edge of a chair, I watched my men at work. Good cop, bad cop, me just a shadow, only acting when necessary. Besides, I loved watching them. It was always a highlight to any day. It was easy to see how Dean could have been portrayed as a bully in school.

"Are you a hunter?" Dean shot at him.

"What? No, I'm a writer." Chuck told him.

"Then how do you know so much about demons and tulpas and changelings?" He asked, stepping toward him causing Chuck to fall backward onto the couch.

"Is this some kind of _Misery_ thing? Ah it is, isn't it? It's a _Misery_ thing." Chuck said starting to freak out.

Dean frowned, "It's not a _Misery_ thing. And we are not fans."

"Well, then what do you want?" Chuck pleaded.

Sam tried again to get him to understand. "I'm Sam and that's Dean."

"And I'm Evy." I said giving him a slight wave.

"No." Chuck said shaking his head. "Evy isn't real. Sam and Dean are fictional characters. All of them are. I made them up. They're not real."

"Come on." Dean said grabbing his arm, leading him out to the Impala.

As they led him out of the house, I stayed and looked at his computer. He'd just written a new chapter. So far, almost everything he had written had already happened. There were several other chapters under books that weren't published. Pulling out a jump drive, I copied all the files, putting it back into my pocket. Hearing Dean's voice, I went to the doorway.

"How much do you know? Do you know about the angels?" Sam asked.

"Or Lilith breaking the seals?" Dean asked.

"Do you know which ones she's going to break?" I asked coming down the steps behind him.

"How do you know about that?" He said whipping around to face me.

"The question is how do you?" Dean asked, causing him to turn again.

"Because I wrote it."

"You kept writing?" Sam asked.

"It's all on the computer." I told him, holding up the drive.

"Yeah. Even after the publisher went bankrupt. But those books never came out." Looking at each other, Chuck continued to try and figure us out. "Okay, wait. Heh, heh, heh. This is some kind of joke, right? Did that-? Did Phil put you up to this?" He smiled at us.

"Well, nice to meet you. I'm Dean Winchester, this is my wife Evy, and this is my brother, Sam." Dean tried one last time to get it to sink in.

"Last names were never in the books. I never told anybody about that. I never even wrote that down."

"My maiden name is Connors." I told him.

The look on his face told us that it was sinking in. He turned and rushed past me. Following him inside, he was in the kitchen, pouring himself a shot of liquor, downing it before turning around.

"Oh! Oh, you're still there." He said as if we were causing him a headache.

"Yup." Dean told him.

"You're not a hallucination." He stated.

Laughing I shook my head, "You wish."

"Well, there's only one explanation. Obviously, I'm a god." Chuck justified.

"You're not a god." Sam frowned at him.

"How else do you explain it? I write things and then they come to life. Yeah, no, I'm definitely a god. A cruel, cruel, capricious god. The things I put you through. The physical beatings alone." Chuck rambled off.

"We're still in one piece." Sam told him.

"I killed your father. I burned your mother alive. You had to go through the whole horrific deal again with Jessica." He said looking at the boys.

"Chuck." Sam said trying to get him to stop.

Only he looked at me. "I killed your fiancé…twice! I killed your parents before you really knew them. I killed your dog who had become such an asset and friend. I drowned you for crêpe sakes!"

"Enough." I told him.

"All for what? All for the sake of literary symmetry. I toyed with your lives, your emotions, for entertainment." He said yammering on.

"You didn't toy with us, Chuck, okay? You didn't create us." Dean told him, finally gaining his attention.

"Did you really have to live through the bugs?" He asked.

"Yeah." Dean replied.

"What about the ghost ship?"

"Yes, that too." He told him.

"I am so sorry. I mean, horror is one thing, but to be forced to live bad writing. If I'd known it was real, I would have done another pass." Chuck stated.

"You didn't cause it!" I shot at him.

"Chuck, you're not a god." Dean added.

"We think you're probably just psychic." Sam told him.

"No. If I were psychic, you think I'd be writing? Writing is hard."

"But fun." I stated even though he was an extremely annoying person.

"It seems that somehow you're just focused on our lives." Sam told him.

"Yeah, like laser focused. Are you working on anything right now?" Dean asked.

"Holy crap." Chuck said looking at him.

"What?" Dean asked with raised brows.

Listening to him was giving me a headache. I was grateful for when my phone rang. Excusing myself I stepped outside.

"You have no idea how happy I am you called." I said answering it.

"What's wrong?" Bobby asked on the other end.

"We're just…dealing with someone." I replied.

"I've been thinking." Bobby told me.

"About what?" I asked.

"Your situation." He stated.

"My situation? You make it sound like I'm pregnant again." I frowned into the phone.

"I've come up with a great reason why you should dump the angel."

"Bobby, seriously? You have nothing better to do with your time then to think of reasons I should dump Cass?" I asked squeezing the bridge of my nose.

"Not today." He replied.

"I'll one up you then. We are at the home of a writer who is writing books about our lives." I told him.

"What?" He asked, I could hear the frown in his voice.

"Go look up _Supernatural_ by Carver Edlund and you'll see what I'm talking about. We can discuss everything else later." I told him and hung up the phone.

As soon as I hung up the phone, Dean and Sam were coming out of the house. Dean held a stack of papers in his hands. Putting his hand on my lower back, he led me to the car. It wasn't necessary but there was something on his face that told me there was something more going on in his head. Going back to the room, we grabbed all our dirty clothes and decided to fill the remainder of the day with clothes and reading.

"I'm in a Laundromat, reading about myself in a Laundromat…reading about myself. My head hurts." Dean said as he read the newly printed out pages.

"There's something this guy's not telling us." Sam told him.

"'Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine. He was starting to doubt Chuck, whether he was telling the whole truth'." Dean read.

"Stop it." Sam told him.

"''Stop it,' Sam said.' Guess what you do next." Dean said as his brother turned away from him. "'Sam turned his back on Dean, his face brooding and pensive.' I don't know how, but this guy is doing it. I can't see your face but those are definitely you brooding and pensive shoulders." Dean said and kept reading. "You just thought I was a dick." Dean frowned looking up.

Sam turned to look at his brother, an impressed expression on his face. "Guy's good."

Laughing, I continued reading about my pregnant days. It was nice to see when both of us were happy. Reading the times Dean and I had sung to the baby. I skipped over the death of our son, opting to pick another book before I found something I really didn't want to read.

"Hmph." Dean said with furrowed brows.

"What?" I asked. "Find something juicy?" He was now holding a book.

"Yeah." He said and frowned at me.

"Which book do you have?" I asked as I stood. As I walked up to him I noticed _Hell _in big red letters at the bottom of the back cover. It was the last one. I never did find it, he must have hid it before I could get my hands onto it. He was at the end of the book. "Dean…" I said as I tried to grab it from him. He jerked it away from me as he kept reading. "Dean." I said still trying. "Dean, stop." I said trying again. "Just give me the book!" I snapped and yanked the book from his hands. "You shouldn't have read that."

"I'm sorry." He said looking up at me.

"You shouldn't have read that." I repeated and turned away from him.

"Everyone sugarcoated it for me." He said sadly still staring at me.

"Stop looking at me like that." I shot at him. "It was a long time ago."

"I'm still sorry." He said standing, stepping toward me.

"Don't, Dean." I said sadly as I shook my head at him. "It was the worst time of my life. I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Okay." He nodded as he put his hand on my face.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk about it." I told him, meeting his eyes.

"It's okay." He replied gently.

"Not really." I said as I put my hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry, baby." He whispered and closed the distance between us.

"Me too." I said as I rested my head against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

The room grew quiet as the books were finally set aside and Sam was the only one moving as he continued to finish the laundry. That night, I sat at the picnic table, something that I hadn't done as much lately, and stared at the stars. Cass was probably up there somewhere doing whatever he did when he wasn't with us. Soon I heard the door and Dean sat next to me, taking my hand.

"Hey." He said quietly.

"Hey." I replied.

"I'm so sorry." He said shaking his head. "I had no idea that you reacted that way."

"How did you think I was going to react?" I frowned at him. "I watched my fiancé get murdered by Hellhounds right before my eyes. I was devastated. I was a wreck. I went off the deep end."

"I think I understand you and Cass's relationship better now."

"How you figure?" I asked.

"You were a complete and total mess. I can only assume that it took a lot of stubbornness and consistency to even get you to look up. He saved you, healed you, and in turn you fell for him. I couldn't figure out how much until I read that."

"That still doesn't really explain what you mean by a better understanding." I told him.

"I just…I get it." He said looking at him. "Let's just leave it at that."

"Okay." I said and leaned against him, my head on his shoulder.

"I love you." He said sweetly.

"I love you too." I replied as I gripped his arm. "I really do."

"It's nice to hear you say it." He said looking at me.

Smiling, I leaned forward gently kissing him. Before he could say anything, I slid from the table, running my hand along his chest as I walked back to the room. Sam was sound asleep in his bed. Changing, I crawled under the covers, attempting to fall asleep. It must have been several minutes later when Dean finally came in. Leaving the lights off, I felt him sit on the edge of the bed, watching him as he changed, getting into bed with just his boxer-briefs on. As soon as he was under the covers I was instantly warm. Remembering how I used to relish that, I rolled onto my side and looked at him, just being able to make out his silhouette in the dark. He did the same, looking back at me. For a moment we just lay there, then his lips were against mine, kissing me passionately. I kissed him back, feeling the heat rise, before I put my hand on his chest, gently pushing him away from me.

"I can't." I told him.

"I know." He replied as he ran his fingers down my face. "Do you feel anything anymore?" He asked.

"Every time." I replied and rolled over.

Hearing him sigh, I didn't say anything as he put his arm around me. Burying his face in my neck as he moved his body against mine. Putting my arm over his, I took his hand, cradling it against me. Closing my eyes, I fell asleep to the sound of his breathing in my ear.


	40. Déjà Vu Part II

_**Chapter Forty: Déjà Vu Part II**_

Come morning we were back at Chuck's. He had called telling us that he had written more. I wasn't eager to be sitting in his living room. Anything he wrote was going to have more power over us than any of us were willing to admit. And from the look on his face what he had seen was nothing we were going to be happy about.

"So, you wrote another chapter?" Sam asked.

"This was easier before you were real." Chuck told us.

"It's nothing good is it?" I asked softly.

"We can take it. Just spit it out." Dean told him.

He didn't tell us, but looked at Dean. "You especially are not gonna like this."

"I didn't like hell." Dean smiled at him.

"It's Lilith." He finally told us. "She's coming for Sam."

"Coming to kill him?" Dean asked.

"When?" Sam asked.

"Tonight." Chuck replied.

"Please tell me you're joking." I said standing.

"She's just gonna show up? Here?" Dean frowning.

"Shit." I said putting my hand on Dean's shoulder.

"See, it's, uh—" He paused before reading from his latest chapter. "'Lilith patted the bed seductively. Unable to deny his desire, Sam succumbed…and they sank into the throes of fiery demonic passion.'"

Sam laughed, "You're kidding me, right?"

"Sam." I frowned at him.

"You think this is funny?" Dean asked him.

"You don't? I mean, come on. I mean, 'Fiery demonic passion?'"

"It's just a first draft. It's not-" Chuck defended his writing.

"Wait, wait, wait. Lilith is a little girl." Dean said looking at Chuck.

"No. This time she's a 'comely dental hygienist from Bloomington, Indiana.'" He told him, once again reading from his chapter.

"Can this get any worse?" I frowned as I started to pace.

"Great. Perfect. So, what happens after the fiery demonic whatever?" Dean asked.

"I don't know. It hasn't come to me yet." Chuck said shaking his head.

"Dean, look, there's nothing to worry about. Lilith and me? In bed?" Sam said making it sound like the more ludicrous thing ever.

"How does this whole psychic thing work?" Dean asked the writer.

"You mean my process?" Chuck corrected.

"Yes, your process." Dean confirmed, irritation creeping into his voice.

"Well, it usually starts with a headache. A really bad headache. Aspirin is useless, so I drink until I fall asleep. At first, I thought it was just a crazy dream."

"First time you dreamt about us?"

"It flowed. It just—It kept flowing. It still does. I can't stop it, really."

"You can't seriously believe-" Sam started.

"Humor me." He shot as his brother. "Look, why don't we-? We just-"

"Take a look at these and see what's what?" Chuck said holding the pages out to Dean.

"You— "

"Knew you were gonna ask for that. Yeah." He nodded.

Taking the pages, Dean and Sam walked out of the house. I stayed back, something that was on my mind. For a moment I just looked at Chuck, the question forming in my mind before I knew what to ask. My mouth was just opening when he spoke first.

"I can't tell you anything." He told me.

"What do you think I was going to ask?" I frowned at him.

"You're lucky, Evy. Two men would give their lives for you." He replied. "But at the end of the day it's still your choice."

"But did I make the right one?" I asked.

"What did you feel last night?" He countered.

"Everything." I whispered.

"Maybe that's telling you something." He told me gently.

"So, it'll always be Dean. No matter how I feel about Cass." I stated.

"It looks that way." He nodded. "But who really knows. I don't know anything past today anyway." He smiled.

"Thanks." I smiled before leaving, seeing both of the boys with their eyes on me.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked as I slid into the passenger seat.

"It's fine." I smiled at him.

Starting to drive, Sam frowned as he read Chuck's new pages.

"You guys, come on. 'The minivan accident wasn't that bad, but Dean was still seeing stars. He scratched absently at the pink flower Band-Aids on his face.'"

"So?" Dean asked.

"So I've seen you gushing blood. You'd use duct tape and bar rags before you'd put on a pink flower Band-Aid." Sam countered.

"What's your point?" Dean frowned at his brother.

"My point it this…all of this is totally implausible. It's nuts." Sam told him.

"I don't think it is." I told him. "Everything has happened. He knows things."

"Alright, 'Dean slid behind the wheel of his beloved Impala and drove off, the plastic tarp on the rear window flapping like the wings of a crow.'"

"A tarp?" Dean said with a skeptic look.

"Yeah, on the rear window. You drive it like that." Sam told him.

"Might be wrong about the details. Doesn't mean he's wrong about the result." Dean stated, a firm believer.

"So we're just gonna run?" Sam frowned.

"Dude, we are a long way from ready for a face-to-face death match with Lilith." Dean told his brother.

"He's right, Sam." I said turning so I could look at him. "It would be a death sentence."

We were on our way out of town. If there was any chance that Lilith was coming to town then we needed to be in the opposite direction. It would only mean trouble if we tried to take her on. Sam and I were immune to her power but Dean wasn't. I wasn't about to let him face her again. The last time he did he was shredded into ribbons before my eyes.

"We're getting out." Dean said as he took my hand.

"I know." I smiled at him, putting my other hand over his.

He was right. We were leaving and everything was going to be fine. That was until we found the bridge leading out of town blocked. The bridge was down and there was no other way out of town. No side road. No trail. Nothing. We were stuck in the town where Lilith was going to come for Sam.

"What do we do now?" I asked Dean worriedly.

"We'll do the opposite of whatever is on those pages." He told me quietly, looking at Sam in the backseat, still reading.

Sitting at a diner, we were grabbing a bite before we found another place to stay for the night. I was antsy as we waited for the waitress. Dean was reading Chuck's pages, trying to find a way to get out of here. Or at least a way to stop Sam from ending up in the same room as Lilith.

"Hey, this could be a good thing. If this is what puts us on the path to Lilith, then all we gotta do is get off the path." Dean said excitedly.

"How do you mean?" Sam asked.

"It's a blueprint of what not to do. I mean, if the pages say that we go left—"

"Then we go right."

"Exactly. We get off book, we never make it to the end. Its opposite day. It says that we get into a fight, so no fighting. No research for you." Dean told his brother.

"No bacon cheeseburger for you." Sam countered.

"Yeah, no problem. I'll order something else." Dean smiled.

"Do you honestly think that'll work?" I asked him.

"And no worrying for you." Dean told me. "You get to be the happy one. All you do is worry about us. Opposite day."

"I can't do that." I frowned at him.

"And no Cass." Sam added.

"He's not here now is he?" I shot at him.

"Remember…happy." Dean said with a smile.

"Not doing research and not ordering a bacon cheeseburger is ten times easier than trying not to worry." I shot at him next.

"Opposite day." He told me.

"Does that mean I should sleep with you again?" I asked angrily.

"I'm sorry." Dean said trying to smooth things over.

"Just shut up." I told him, resting my chin in the palms of my hands.

Soon the waitress came. Sam ordered a salad, while Dean ordered a veggie tofu burger. I wasn't hungry, ordering nothing, only to have Dean order me a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup. It was only one of my favorites, and usually something I ate when I was feeling down. He knew this. I would have been charmed if it wasn't him making me angry at the moment.

"This whole thing is ridiculous." Sam stated when the waitress had left.

"Lilith is ridiculous?" Dean frowned.

"The idea of me hooking up with her is." Sam frowned back.

"Right. Because something like that could never happen." Dean countered.

"Guys, not now." I said knowing where this was going.

"Dean, for the first time, we have warning that Lilith is close." Sam continued.

"So?"

"So…we've got the jump on her. If we know when she's coming, we know where- This is an opportunity."

"Are you-?" Dean started but stopped, trying to follow the no arguing rule. "It frustrates me when you say such reckless things."

"Well, it frustrates me when you'd rather hide than fight."

"Guys!" I said getting both their attentions. "Enough. Maybe you're both wrong. Or you both are right. Either way, let it go for now."

Not even able to finish eating, I left the diner early, leaning against the Impala. I'm sure the boys were having words inside. This whole thing was putting us all on edge. I, for one, didn't want to see Lilith. I didn't want anything to do with her. I wanted to know how to stop her. To figure out what seals she was going to break and to save them. But I was dreading another face to face meeting with her.

"The Toreador Motel. Sounds promising." I said as we pulled in.

"Dude, this place charges by the hour." Sam stated.

"The book says Lilith finds you at the Red Motel. Hence, the Hooker Inn. It's opposite day, remember?" Dean told him.

Walking in with our stuff, Dean threw his onto a bed before pulling out hex bags from his bag, placing them on end tables on either side of the room.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked.

"Couple of hex bags ought to Lilith-proof the room." Dean replied.

"So what, I'm supposed to just hole up here all night?" Sam frowned at his brother.

"Yes." I frowned back at him.

Dean, put his hand on my arm before he looked at his brother. "That's exactly what you're gonna do, okay? And no research. I don't care what you do. You can use the Magic Fingers of watch _Casa Erotica_ on pay-per-view." Seeing Sam's laptop in his bag he took it out, looking at Sam.

"Oh, dude, come on." Sam whined.

"Just call it a little insurance." Dean smiled.

"What are you gonna go?" Sam asked him.

"The pages say I spend all day riding around in the Impala, so I'm gonna go park her. Behave yourself, would you? No homework. Watch some porn." Dean said and left.

"You're staying to keep me company, right?" He said turning to me.

"Nope." I told him. "I'd say yes, but the pages tell me I do that. Opposite day, remember?"

"I hate you." He complained.

"I know." I smiled putting my hand on his cheek. "I hate you too." Kissing his other, I turned and followed Dean.

Driving around, trying to find a good place to park the Impala, it was almost an awkward silence that had fallen over us.

"You're awfully quiet." Dean stated.

"Sorry." I told him. "Just a lot of things on my mind."

"Wanna let me in?" He asked.

Smiling, I put my hand on his thigh. "Not yet, baby. Not yet."

Parking the car, we made sure it was locked up before starting to walk across the street. Dean stopped after only a few steps, looking back at his car. Chuck had written that something happens to her. I'm sure that had made Dean nervous for his baby. Taking his hand, I smiled at him, leading him across the road. He turned one last time to look at his car, only we saw teenagers attempting to break into her. We both yelled at them, Dean rushing out into the street. Yelling his name, I reached for him just as a minivan hit him, sending him rolling up onto the hood before he rolled to a stop on the pavement.

"Dean!" I yelled as I skidded to a stop at his side. "Dean, oh God, wake up." I said taking his head in my hands.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't even see him!" The woman who was driving the car said as she knelt on his other side. "Someone's calling an ambulance."

Ignoring her, I ran my fingers through his hair. "Dean? Wake up." I said putting my other hand on his chest.

"This will make him all better." A little girl said putting flowered Band-Aids on his face.

My stomach dropped as Chuck's words replayed in my head. Looking up I saw the back window broken on the Impala. They must have done it during all the commotion. Looking back at Dean, he started to come to.

"Hey." I smiled at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Stars." He said softly.

Frowning, I noticed the woman's dangling earrings. They were stars. "Can you sit up?"

"Yeah." He said and looked at his car. "Oh no."

Getting up, he walked to his car, the commotion over as I told everyone that he would be fine. Following him, I put my arm around him, worried since he'd just gotten hit by a van. Seeing the Band-Aids in the window reflection, we both knew how accurate Chuck's writing was. It didn't matter what we did. It was going to come true. He looked at me, shaking his head before he handed me the keys. Nodding, I got in, driving us over to Chuck's. He had some explaining to do. Now it wasn't just Sam who was thinking he was hiding something. When we pulled up he wasn't there but that didn't stop us. Letting ourselves in, we waited for Chuck to get home from wherever he had gone.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked Dean, handing him an icepack.

"I will be." He smiled, gratefully putting it to his pounding head.

"There's no way to stop it, is there?" I asked sadly.

"We'll find a way." He told me, holding his hand out to me.

Taking it, I sat on the arm of the chair, gently putting my forehead against the side of his head. Taking a deep breath, I tried to force my emotions from coming to the surface.

"Dean. Evy." Chuck said coming into the room.

"I take it you knew we'd be here." He stated coldly.

"You look terrible." The writer frowned.

"That's because I just got hit by a minivan, Chuck." Dean told him.

"Oh."

"That it? Every damn thing you write about me comes true and all you have to say is, 'oh'?" Dean said leaning toward the ridiculous man.

"Please don't yell at me." Chuck requested as he put down the bags he was holding.

"I get the feeling there's something you're not telling us." Dean said standing.

"What wouldn't I tell you?"

"How you know what you know for starters!" Dean yelled at him.

"I don't know how I know. I just do." Chuck tried to explain.

"Dean." I said reaching for him, but he moved away too quickly.

"Not good enough." He said taking Chuck by the shirt and shoving him against the wall. "How the hell are you doing this?!"

"Dean, let him go." Cass said from behind us. Dean let Chuck go as we both turned toward the angel. "This man is to be protected."

"Why?" Dean asked.

"What's going on?" I frowned, stepping up to him.

"He's a prophet of the Lord." Cass told him.

"You- You're Castiel, aren't you?" Chuck said all excited like.

"It's an honor to meet you, Chuck. I admire your work." He said and picked up one of the _Supernatural _books.

"Whoa, whoa, what? This guy? A prophet? Come on. He's a practically a _Penthouse Forum_ writer." Chuck paces before he drops down into a chair, both Dean and I frowning at him. "Did you know about this?"

"I, uh- I might have dreamt about it."

"And you didn't say anything?" I shot at him.

"It was too preposterous. Not to mention arrogant. I mean, writing yourself into the story in one thing, but as a prophet? That's like M. Night-level douchiness." Chuck replied.

"This guy decides our fate?" Dean said looking at the angel.

"He isn't deciding anything. He's a mouthpiece, a conduit for the inspired word." Cass told us.

"Holy shit." I said as I started to pace.

"The word? The word of God? What, like the New New Testament?" Dean asked.

"One day, these books, they'll be known as the Winchester Gospel." Cass stated.

"You gotta be kidding me." Dean and Chuck said simultaneously.

"Could this get any weirder?" I asked throwing my hands into the air.

"I am not kidding you." Cass said with a frown.

Standing, Chuck clutched the bottle he was holding, looking rather shell-shocked. "If you'll both please excuse me one minute." He told us before going upstairs.

"Him? Really?" Dean asked Cass.

"You should have seen Luke." Cass commented.

"Why'd he get tapped?"

"I don't know how prophets are chosen. The order comes from high up on the celestial chain of command."

"How high?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Very."

"Well, whatever. How do we get around this?" Dean asked.

"Around what?"

"The Sam-Lilith love connection. How do we stop it from happening?"

"What the prophet has written can't be unwritten. As he has seen it…so it shall come to pass."

"There has to be a way to stop it." I frowned at him. He just looked at me. There was something in his eyes. Dean shook his head, frustrated, before he walked out of the room. "Is everything okay?" I asked him.

"Everything is fine." He said putting his hand on my cheek. "Are you alright?"

"I'm worried." I told him.

"About Sam?" He asked.

"About a lot of things." I frowned. "There has to be something you can do."

"I'm afraid not." He told me. "I can't change what he's seen."

"Cass…" I said not knowing what else to say but needing to say something.

"It will be all right." He said stepping closer to me.

"Will it?" I asked, unsure.

"Yes." He said before he disappeared.

Walking out of the house, I saw Dean leaning against the Impala, looking at the tarp that covered the back window. He looked stoic but internally I knew that he was fighting with himself. Fighting what to do. Fighting with the information we just learned. Sighing, I stepped up to him, putting my hand on his face, making him look at me.

"We'll be okay." I smiled at him.

He smiled, but I could tell he didn't believe me. Nodding at him, we got back into the car, going back to the motel.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" I asked Dean as I leaned forward. Part of the motel sign had burnt out and it now read the Red Motel.

"You've gotta be kidding me." He said and sped the car into a parking spot.

"I guess Cass was right." I told him. "There is no changing what Chuck sees."

"Let's get out of here." Dean said and got out, rushing into the room.

Standing outside the room, I waited for the argument to at least start before I went inside. Looking up to the sky, I silently prayed for this to all turn out okay. Hearing Dean's raised voice; I sat in the chair outside the door, deciding to sit this one out. Nothing good ever came from getting in between them. Several minutes later, Dean came back out, a defeated look on his face.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"Sam burned the hex bags and plans on taking on Lilith." He told me as he walked away.

"Excuse me?" I frowned after him.

"He's staying."

He was pissed. Getting into the car, I watched him go before I turned and went into the room. "What are you thinking?" I shot at my brother. "You aren't strong enough to take on Lilith."

"We don't know that." He told me.

"Yes we do." I nodded at him.

"We know she's going to be here. It's our best opportunity to-"

"To what? Get yourself killed?" I frowned at him.

"I'm not going to get myself killed." He told me matter-of-factly.

"Yes. You are." I told him with the same tone.

I was ready to lay into him, seeing that he was set on facing the devil's right hand, when there was a knock on the door. Sam opened it to see no one there. Frowning, we both turned around to see Lilith standing before us, showing us her white eyes, wearing a pretty blond meat suit.

"Lilith." I said facing her with as strong a glare as I could muster.

"Evy." She smiled. "I need a moment of Sam's time."

"I don't think so." I told her.

She stepped up to me, that slimy smile on her face. Trying to judge what she would do next. I knew I was no match for her, but any distraction would be something. However, I would never have a chance as she struck me, sending me out of the room, the door slamming shut behind me. Pushing myself up onto my hands and knees, I swallowed a mouthful of blood. Slowly getting to my feet, I moved to the door, trying the knob even if I knew it wasn't going to work.

"Sam!" I yelled as I pounded on the door. "Sam, don't do anything stupid!"

Still trying to get into the room, my arms were grabbed and I looked over my shoulder at Dean as he moved me out of the way. Frowning as I saw Chuck standing with a shocked look on his face. Bracing himself, Dean kicked in the door, grabbing Chuck, shoving him through the door.

"I am the prophet Chuck!" The nervous man yelled into the room.

"You've got to be joking." Lilith said, abandoning her attempt to kill Sam as she rolled to her feet.

It was only seconds later that the room started to shake. Rushing to Sam, I put my hand on his arm, a worried look crossing his face.

"Oh, this is no joke. You see, Chuck here's got an archangel on his shoulder. You got 10 seconds before this room is full of wrath and you're a piece of charcoal. Sure you wanna tangle with that?" Dean shot at the demon.

Soon a white light started to appear in the room, signaling that the angel was approaching. Dean stepped toward her and she quickly evicted the body. As soon as she was gone, the shaking in the room stopped and the light left the room.

"Are you okay?" I asked Sam.

"Yeah." He nodded at me.

"Are you?" Dean said pulling me up. "What the hell happened?"

"What do I look like?" I frowned at him.

"Come on." He said leading me to the bathroom.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I noticed the blood that had ran down my chin, blood dripping down the side of my face.

"Oh." I frowned gently touching the wounds.

"Here." He said sitting me down on the toilet seat. "I take it this is Lilith's doing."

"Yup. She just had to have Sam all to herself." I smiled at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I told him. "Nothing I haven't been through before."

"I'm not talking just about this. I'm talking about everything in general."

"Then I don't have an answer for you." I said sadly.

"Okay." He said letting it go for now.

* * *

><p>"So a deal, huh?" Dean asked his brother. I listened to them from the backseat.<p>

"That's what she said."

"To call the whole thing off. Angels, seals, Lucifer rising, the whole nine?"

"That was the gist of it."

"Heh." Dean said not believing she would do it and not believing that Sam would simply deny it.

"What?"

"You didn't think once about taking it?"

"You kidding me? You just spent all day trying to talk me off the Lilith track."

"I'm just saying."

"You should have taken it." I said softly. Both of them looked at me. "Our lives to save the world? Not too shabby of a price."

"She would have found some way to weasel out of it. And all it would have cost us was our lives." Dead stated before he met my eyes. "And that wouldn't be worth it."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Sam replied. "Anyway, that's not the point."

"What's the point?" Dean asked.

"Point is she's scared. I could see it. Lilith is running."

"Running from what?" I frowned.

"Don't know. But she was telling the truth about one thing."

"What's that?" Dean asked him.

"She's not gonna survive the Apocalypse. I'll make sure of that." Sam replied decisively.

One could only hope he was right.


	41. Change Is Afoot

_**Chapter Forty-one: Change Is Afoot**_

The first thing I was aware of was a soft breeze blowing past my face. Then there was the warm liquid, followed by a mass amount of pain. Attempting to open my eyes, I found that I couldn't. My breathing became the loudest thing in my ears. In between each breath I could hear screaming. My ear was pressed to the asphalt, allowing me to hear the running feet, or sporadic stomps that pressed against it. Finally opening my eyes, blood dripped from my eyelashes. I was lying on my stomach, my body in an abnormal position. Shifting my arms first, I braced myself before moving my legs. I could feel everything and it appeared that nothing was broken. There were pieces of the seatbelt still underneath me. Looking ahead of me, I took in the remains of the car. It was blown in half, debris littering the pavement. The fires from the several disembodied cars were lightening the night sky. With it I could see an arm protruding from the driver's side. Forcing myself to my feet, I moved as fast as I could, limping on my left leg. The whole front of the car was upside down. Sliding to the open window, I gripped Dean's arm.

"Dean." I said as tears immediately filled my eyes. "Dean!"

I pushed my torso past him, trying to free him from the overextended seatbelt. It was holding him partially up. His had held, while mine defected, breaking, and sent me through the windshield. There was a large laceration spanning almost the whole of the left side of his face, blood flowing from it. Ripping off the bottom of my shirt I tried to stop the bleeding. Tying it around his head, I took the knife from my pocket and started to cut through the seatbelt. Gripping his thigh, I tried to make his fall gentler as the belt finally gave way.

"Dean." I said putting my face over his. He still wasn't moving and his breathing was shallow. "Come on, baby, don't do this."

When he didn't stir, I hooked my arms underneath his shoulders and started to gently pull him from the car. Once he was out I lifted his torso into my arms. Cradling him, I rocked him as I tried to think of what to do next.

"Oh God, come on, Dean, come on, baby, open your eyes." I said as I caressed his face. "Sam!" I screamed as I took in the scene. "Sam!"

There were bodies lying in the road. People still running and screaming. Names being yelled with such fear it was obvious that someone else's loved one lay dead somewhere. Sam wasn't in the car. He had to be somewhere. He had to be okay.

"Cass!" I screamed into the sky. "Cass, please! Dean's hurt! He's hurt." Tears were streaming as I looked down at Dean. "CASS!" Bringing his face up to my neck, I held him tight against me. His shallow breathing against my ear. "It's okay. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay."

Minutes seemed to pass and there had yet to be any sound of helps arrival. We weren't in the Impala. We were running. We fled the farm. But the rest was unfocused in my mind. I couldn't remember exactly what we had seen. Then I saw movement to my right. From the fire and smoke, figures appeared. The fires light reflecting in their blue eyes. Their elongated nails and slightly hunched forms, silently moving through the panicked crowd. I remembered now. Only it wasn't just werewolves. Demons were involved as well. Dean and I were still concealed by car debris but it was only a matter of time.

"Shit. We've gotta move." I whispered into Dean's ear.

Using whatever energy I had left, I hoisted Dean over my shoulders, holding in the strained scream that wanted to explode from my mouth. Tears were still streaming as I slowly moved from the road, falling every few steps from the strain of my injuries and with the weight of Dean on top of me. When I got to the edge of the road, I took one step into the woods, only to find that it was an embankment. My footing was immediately lost and I fell forward. I felt Dean slip from my shoulders and for a moment I only felt air before pain as I crashed into the ground, tumbling over and over again, until I landed hard on my stomach. My already painful body erupted in an even greater pain as I gasped for air. As soon as my body would allow, I pushed myself up onto my hands and knees and looked for Dean. He was only a few feet in front of me. Scrambling over to him, I checked him for any major injuries that our fall could have caused. He seemed to have made the fall basically unscathed. For a moment tears threatened to take over. I was in so much pain and Dean was still unconscious. Not to mention the group of werewolves that was going to be hot on our trail. Where was Cass? Where was Sam?

"Dean?" I said taking his face in my hands, once again trying to get him to come to. "Please, wake up."

The words were barely out of my mouth when there was the snapping of twigs. My head shot up and I listened for where it was coming from. Taking Dean's arms, I yanked him up from the ground, moving underneath him as I shifted him across my shoulders, gripping his arm and leg to keep him in place. Hunching slightly to keep him steady, I moved through the trees as fast and as quietly as I could. The snapping had stopped, making me want to push myself that much harder to stay ahead of them. They would search the wrecks first, before moving too far into the woods. There was enough of our blood in the broken car, and now in the woods, that it was only a matter of time before they caught up. Even as I walked I could smell the iron in the air from both mine and his wounds. Knowing I had to take care of it, I made sure to take advantage when I heard the sound of rushing water. A small sense of relief hit me when I caught sight of the river. Moving along its bank I kept as quick a pace as I could, not wanting to do anything until there was enough sunlight to see by. I was grateful to the noise of it, hoping it would be enough to mask the noise I couldn't help but make. Literally stumbling across a hole in an embankment, I moved enough of the roots and foliage that had been concealing it, placing Dean inside of it. After I covered it up, making sure Dean wasn't visible; I sat in front of it, bringing my knees up to my chest. The night felt cold, though I blamed it more on the fact that my system was in shock. There was no way to know how badly injured Dean was or how badly I was. But I wasn't worried about myself. It was Dean who I was concerned for. My only concern for myself was that I wouldn't be able to get him out of here before he got worse. His breathing was growing shallower. It was only a matter of time. I needed Cass. He would be able to save him - save us - but he wasn't here. I didn't know where he was.

"Please, Cass." I said softly. "I need you. What's happening? Where's Sam?"

The tears that had been threatening finally pushed through as I sat guard. Burying my face in my knees, wrapping my arms around my head, I sobbed. I was scared. I was scared and in pain. I didn't know what to expect or what else to do. They had successfully segregated us and were now coming in for the kill. Sent some of the worst for us and I already felt like they were breathing down my neck. Taking back control of my emotions, I hardened myself, before sliding into the embankment with Dean. Turning him on his side, facing me, I moved as close to him as I could, trying to keep him warm. I could feel his breath against my neck, making sure I could still feel it before I shut my eyes. Sleep took me, my mind going blank as it let my body recover as best as it could without medical attention.

When my eyes opened, it took only a moment to notice there was no breath touching my neck. My hand instinctively went to his face, his skin colder than it had been. Quickly rolling him over, I quickly tilted his head, breathing into him. Breath after breath, watching his chest rise and fall. As terror coursed through my veins, I remained steady, refusing to allow him to leave me. After several breaths, he finally took one of his own, coughing lightly as his hands moved to my arms, his head moving back and forth.

"Dean?" I said softly, my hands on the sides of his head. "Can you hear me?" He nodded, taking a deep breath. "Good." I said my voice cracking. "That's good. Can you open your eyes for me?" He frowned but his eyes slowly opened. "There you are." I smiled at him.

"What happened?" He asked, his voice raspy.

"We were in an accident." I told him. "Do you remember that?" He frowned but nodded. "I got you out of the car but you were unconscious. Werewolves came to the accident site so I took you and I took off. I don't know where Sam is. There was no time. I had to get you out of there."

"Where are we?" He asked.

"Inside an embankment. There's a river outside. I plan on masking our scent in it." I told him.

"Are they behind us?" He asked.

"Probably." I said and looked outside. "The sun is up. We've been here for at least five hours or so."

"Did you sleep?" He asked.

"I did." I said as my eyes glistened with tears. "And then woke up to you not breathing so I think I'm…" I said but couldn't go on.

"I'm okay." He frowned at me.

"No." I said shaking my head. "You're not. You are not okay. I'm not okay. We are hurt." I told him. "We are hurt and so far all we have going for us is that river. Wolves at our back, a missing brother, and an MIA angel. We are in trouble."

"It'll be okay." He said putting his hand on my face. "It'll be okay."

"After Lilith…and now this…" I said trying to stop my tears.

"We are going to be okay." He said gently running his thumb across my cheek.

Silent tears fell as I nodded at him. He pulled me down against him, positioning myself against his side, I held tight to him. He ran his fingers up and down my back, his other running through my hair as he placed a long kiss against my forehead. It was a nice moment cut short when my ankle was grabbed and I was torn out from inside the embankment. Digging my nails into the ground, looking at Dean before I found myself flying through the air. Landing hard, rolling, before slamming into the thick trunk of a tree. Adrenaline moved through my veins, allowing me to flip over and get to my feet, rushing the demon that was about to grab Dean. I could hear whimpering from somewhere in the woods. Their assassins in their human forms. With no weapon, I only had my hand-to-hand to work with. The situation looked bleak but I wasn't about to give up now. Jumping on its back I quickly took its head in my hands and jerked it, feeling and hearing it crack as its neck broke. The demon fell down the bank. Turning, I crouched to face the two others that were now rushing me. I readied myself for the blow, seeing a knife in one of their hands. They both hit me from opposite sides, my first goal to simply try and avoid the blade. Barely dodging a knife to the gut, I elbowed the demon in the face, grabbing the knife and quickly shoving it in their own. It shoved me away from it, giving both of them time to retaliate against me. I fought against them, though I felt the knife slip in and out of them like butter. Nearly severing the head of one, I buried the knife in the belly of the other before forcing it into the river. They survived everything and it would only be a matter of time before they returned. For a moment I sat on my knees next to the river, panting and shaking from the exertion. Then I heard his voice. Whipping around, I stood and ran back to him.

"Evy!" Dean yelled, making my feet move faster.

Coming back into view, I saw him trying to scramble out from the embankment. "Dean!" I yelled as I rushed to him. Gripping him, helping him to his feet, I couldn't help the utter panic that was taking me over. "We need to get the hell out of here."

"Evy…" He said looking at my abdomen.

There was a long laceration, spilling blood down my front. "I'm fine." I told him with a smile. "It's just a scratch."

"I'm not an idiot." He told me as he quickly put his hand over it. "Shit."

"I'll survive." I told him through clenched teeth due to the pain. He started to rip his shirt but I stopped him. "No. You need that. I'll be okay."

"You're going to bleed to death." He told me angrily.

"I'll be okay." I said putting my hand on his face. He shook his head. I could see the emotion coming to his face. Moving against him, I kissed him deeply. "Stop thinking that." I told him. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise you."

"I'm gonna hold you to that." He said taking my head in his hands.

Ripping another piece off my own shirt, I washed it in the river before moving through the trees. Feeling lucky, I found what I was looking for; I chewed up the garlic before placing it against my wound, wrapping it up.

"I should do the same to you." I told him.

"I'm fine." He frowned. "What are you doing?"

"It'll help it from getting infected." I replied.

"I'll be okay." He said still frowning.

Smiling, I ran my hand down the side of his face before stepping to the river, looking it up and down.

"Okay." I nodded and turned to Dean. "Come on, we're going to keep moving up river."

He nodded as I took his arm, putting it over my shoulders, helping him move. "I'm okay, you know. I can walk all by myself like a big boy."

"Very funny." I smiled at him, keeping his arm firmly over my shoulders. He smiled back before it faded. "What is it?" I asked, concern coating my words.

"It's nothing." He replied.

Helping him up a small cliff, seeing a tiny quarry set apart from the river. Smiling, I helped him down before helping the pair of us from our clothes. It was the first time I saw the fullness of our injuries. Dean had a bruise spreading the length of his right side, curving upward to cover his lower back. Lacerations littered his body, most were scabbing, some were pink and oozy. I was frowning at his injuries but he held an even harder one as he took me in. I had removed my makeshift bandage, revealing the whole of my pains. Looking down, I knew it was bad. Looking up at him I forced a smile, putting my hand against his chest.

"I'm going to be okay." I told him.

He nodded and I could feel his eyes on me as I slipped into the cool water. It was nearly shoulder deep, allowing both of us to sink down and under the water, cooling our sore bodies, cleaning them with the subtle flow moving in and out of the pool. Bringing my knees up, I treaded water, relishing the feeling. I shut my eyes, knowing this feeling wasn't going to last, when I felt Dean's arms wrap around my waist. He gently trailed his fingers across the cut. Reaching my arm around, I put my hand on his neck. Turning my face till I could see his, the look on his face made a rush of emotions hit my system, springing tears to my eyes.

"I miss you." He told me sadly.

"I'm with you every day." I stated.

"I miss my wife." He replied more specific.

Turning, I put my hands on his chest, staring into his eyes. For a moment I saw everything we'd been through since we'd met. Seeing what he meant to me and what I meant to him. For a second the world realigned and was as it had been. He seemed to see the same thing and in the next moment his lips were against mine in a passionate kiss. The taste of him flooding my mouth and senses. Taking his head in my hands, we both stood, our arms wrapping around each other. Finally stopping for a breath, I looked at him, smiling with the happy feelings that were moving through me. Then Cass popped into my head.

"He's not here." Dean stated, knowing what was going through my head. "I'll always be here for you. _Always._"

"I know." I said running my fingers through his hair. "I know."

"What does that mean?" He asked.

Before I could answer, there was the sound of shifting rocks. Looking at Dean, we grabbed our clothes, throwing them on as fast as we could. I had just finished zipping my jeans when the demons launched themselves over the rock face; they were the same I had fought before. The woman was on top of me before I could react, though my knife was in hand. There were only two of them. The one who had nearly lost his head was not amongst them. Apparently the river hadn't slowed them down as much as I'd have liked. The woman forced me under the water. I was no use against her strong arms. Freeing my knife arm, I started to gut her like a fish, but she didn't seem to flinch. My lungs were burning when she was yanked off of me. Breaking the surface, Dean stood next to me, breathing hard. Nodding at him, we faced our attackers. They rushed us again, pushing us back closer to the rushing river. We fought, gaining the upper hand sporadically, never keeping it. In one fell swoop, we both were airborne, landing in the rushing water. The cold water enveloped me as I reached out for Dean's hand. For a second I felt his fingertips. For a second he was there. Then he was gone. Trying to find the surface, it was the rollercoaster ride from hell. When I finally broke the surface, it was just long enough to take a breath before I was pulled under again. This ride was shorter as the current slammed me into the rocks, I blacked out as my head collided with one.

When I came too, I coughed up a bunch of water before my eyes and head started to clear out. I tried getting to my feet but couldn't keep balance, falling to my hands and knees. I yelled for Dean, searching both banks of the river. Finally getting to my feet, I held my stomach as I searched for him. Rounding a large group of rocks, I saw him getting to his feet. Rushing over to him, I helped him steady himself.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah. That was a hell of a ride." He frowned. "Are you?"

I nodded, meaning to reply yes, when a wave of nausea hit me, causing me to bend over and purge my stomach. Dean held a horrified look on his face. Catching the dripping remains in my hand, I looked at the bright red blood that started to pool in my palm. It was frank. Fresh. Lifting up my shirt, I groaned, shaking my head as I looked at the now gaping wound. Now that I was paying attention to it, it did feel different. The damn demon had kicked me in the abdomen. The final hit to send me flying.

"Shit." I whispered.

"Cass!" Dean yelled into the sky. "Cass!"

"He's not going to come." I told him as I slid down the side of a big rock. "He would have been here by now. He must be fighting his own fight."

"Damn it." He said as he paced in front of me.

"I just need a minute. Then we can move on." I told him, taking shallow breaths to dull the pain from the deep ones.

"No." Dean replied shaking his head. "We keep moving and you die quicker."

"But Cass can bring me back. You just have to look after my body." I smiled at him.

"How many times do I have to tell you that there is no comfort in the fact that you can be brought back when I have to watch it happen?" He frowned, squatting in front of me.

"It's the best we've got in moments like this." I stated.

"Not if I can get you the hell out of here." He said and pulled me to my feet.

Yelling with pain, he held me tight against his side as he practically pulled me into the trees. He was on a mission. He kept me moving even when I _begged_ him to stop. I couldn't do it anymore. For hours we went on like that. The sun was nearly set when I just couldn't take another step, falling to the ground at his feet.

"I can't. I can't keep going like this." I told him through my tears of pain.

"We have to." He said grabbing my arm.

"No!" I yelled, leaning back against a tree. "Just…no."

"Evy, baby, please, you have to do this. For me." He said squatting in front of me.

"Dean." I said taking his head in my hands as tears slid down my cheeks. "I don't want to die. I am so sick of dying."

"Then please get up." He said gripping my arms.

Gripping his jacket, I was about to nod when a figure appeared behind him. Looking at the sun, it had set enough for a change to be made. Screaming 'no' I shoved him out of the way, seeing claws coming at me, slashing my neck and chest. Then Dean was attacked by another one. Finding strength that only the determined can, I was on my feet, breaking another neck with one quick motion. With another, I took the knife I'd taken from them, and stabbed her in the heart. The knife must have been silver, since she fell to the ground dead. Rushing to Dean, I stabbed the man in the back, missing his heart. He threw me off, sending me into the trunk of a tree. He looked at me before turning on my husband, raising his claws into the air. Screaming 'no' again I thought I was going to watch him die, when there was a gun shot and Sam rushed into the scene.

"Sam!" I yelled as I tried to get to my feet but was unable to. "Dean." I said reaching out for him.

"Evy." Dean said ignoring his brothers outstretched hand, scrambling over to me. Gripping his shirt, tears fell down my cheeks as I looked at him. "You're okay." He told me gently. I nodded, keeping my eyes on his. "You're okay." He repeated lifting my chin to look at the slashes. Nodding again, I put my hands on his forearms. "I love you." He smiled at me.

I smiled, about to say it back when the urge to vomit came over me again. "Dean." I said urgently, releasing him as I leaned over.

"Where's Cass?" Dean asked Sam.

"I don't know." He replied as he hovered over us. "Have you called him?"

"He isn't coming." I told him after I vomited up a few cups of blood.

"What do you mean?" He frowned. "How bad are you hurt?"

"Enough to need my angel." I frowned back.

"You're fine." Dean told me. Smiling at him, I gently pulled him closer, kissing him deeply. "Don't do that." He said and put his arms underneath me, hoisting me into his arms. "Let's go." He told his brother and we moved into the wood.

Sam knew the way to town, which was a small relief compared to the sound of the wolves hot on our tails.

"Just leave me." I told Dean when they stopped to rest.

"Shut up." Dean replied as Sam looked at me with a worried expression.

"I'm just slowing you down." I told him as I tried to move from his arms.

"I don't care." He said looking at me. "So stop talking about it."

"Dean." I said putting my hand on his face, making him look at me. "Please."

"Stop." He said trying to avert his eyes.

Forcing him to keep his eyes on me, I smiled and kissed him. "It's me or it's all of us. Just put me down. They can smell my blood. I'm leaving a trail for them. So, put me down. I'll distract them and you two get the hell out of here."

"No." He said angrily.

My smile grew and I kissed him deeply before putting my lips against his ear. "I love you."

Before he could argue, I rolled from his arms, landing on my hands and knees, before bolting out of his reach. Sam already had his arm. I looked at them, smiling, before taking off in a different direction. No sound followed me. I could always count on Sam to do what was needed. Using all the energy I had left, I ran through the woods, putting as much distance between me and the boys as I could. The vomiting was more frequent as I ran, happening every few yards or so. Slowing down, it took only a few minutes for me to hear the werewolves. They were coming for me. When I fell to the ground, unable to get up, I simply waited for them to reach me. I waited on my knees, hearing them closing in on me, okay with my choice. I knew one was right behind me. I could hear the growl emanating from its throat. I bowed my head graciously, when I heard the sound of its death, the slash of a blade, followed by three others. Turning, I saw Cass standing before me.

"Castiel." I whispered as I took him in.

"Evy." He said and quickly took me into his arms.

All my pain was erased, as I wrapped my arms around him. "Cass." I said and took his face in my hands. "Are you okay?"

"I am." He said gently running his fingers through my hair. "I am so sorry that I wasn't here."

"Where were you?" I frowned at him. "I've been dying for a day, calling you, and you never came."

"I am sorry." He repeated.

"Is that all I get?" I asked. "You're sorry?" He just looked at me. "You're not going to say anything else?"

"What do you want me to say?" He asked.

"I want you to tell me what happened. I want you to tell me why you weren't here. Just because you can bring me back from the dead whenever it happens doesn't mean it should. There is no comfort in bringing someone back from the dead when you have to experience it on either side." I told him as disdain started to creep into my tone.

"I love you." He told me.

"I know. I know you do." I nodded at him. "I love you too. But why do I feel like I can't count on you as much as before or as much as I thought I could? You're an angel and you have things to do. But I was under the impression that you'd always make time for me and you weren't here when I needed you. And I needed you Cass. Not just for me but for Dean. If you had been there then I wouldn't have had to over exaggerate my wounds and he wouldn't have stopped breathing. Every time I have to breathe for someone it feels like they take a part of me with them. It hurts and I don't like doing it. But I have to. With what we do there are always lives hanging in the balance and sometimes, usually for us, there are some close calls. When you came into our lives I thought that we would be okay. I wasn't afraid anymore. But for the past day I was terrified every second of it. I was so scared and I screamed for you and you didn't come. You didn't come."

"The angels are scattered. They are trying to figure out what to do. Angels have taken things into their own hands and now we are segregated. Heaven is a mess and someone needs to be there to help sort it all out." He tried to explain.

"I understand that, I do, it's just…I don't know. It's just something." I said crossing my arms as I looked at the ground.

"You're pulling away." He stated.

Looking up at him, I sighed, hating the way he was looking at me. "Maybe." I told him as I stepped up to him. "Things just aren't as…shiny as it was at the beginning."

"What are you saying?" He asked as he gently played with my hair.

"I don't know." I smiled and kissed him deeply. "I'm glad you're here."

"As am I." He said and kissed me again.

"We have to go to Dean and Sam." I stated. "They're going to think I'm dead by now and Dean needs you to heal him."

In the next second we were standing in another part of the woods. Dean was crouched down against the trunk of a tree, while Sam looked at him sadly.

"Dean." I said and rushed to him.

He looked up and stood as I threw my arms around his neck. He buried his face in my neck, his arms tight around me.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear. "God, I love you. I do."

"But?" He whispered.

"But nothing." I whispered even softer. Letting him go, I talked normally when I told him, "I'm glad you're okay." Cass stepped forward and healed him. "Thank you." I smiled at him. He took my hand and possessively moved me away from Dean. "Do we know what's going on?" I asked him.

"No." He told me.

"What now?" Sam asked.

"We keep going." I replied.


	42. Full Circle

_**Chapter Forty-Two: Full Circle**_

Thunder rolled outside as the lightening lit the currently dark room. Drowning my sorrows with Oreo's and skim milk, I sat alone, relishing the feeling of my misery. Knowing how horrible of a person I was. A horrible, indecisive, idiotic, messed up, love crazed, person who should be tossed out on my ass for being such a moron in the first place. For thinking that I could do it. Could love two men and think that by choosing one that I was done. I have loved the same man for so long and when I lost him I went crazy and fell in love with someone else. But when did he become rebound? When did I stop looking at him like I was going to be with him for the rest of my life? When did my heart decide that I had made a mistake? When did everything go topsy-turvy? Why can't it all just stop?

"Why?!" I yelled and fell backward onto the bed.

Linking the tips of my fingers, I rested the back of them across my forehead. Sighing deeply, I fought the rush of tears, failing as they slid from the corners of my eyes. Before I could stop them, the door opened and a very wet Dean and Sam came into the room. Sitting up, I cleared my throat, stuffing an Oreo in my mouth so I wouldn't have to talk right away.

"Not to state the obvious but I take it the power is still out." Dean said and looked at me with a semi-worried look on his face.

"Yup." I replied through my cookie.

"What have you been doing then?" Sam said with a small smile.

"Eating cookies." I told him before shoving another one in my face.

"You're ridiculous." Sam said and grabbed a cookie over my shoulder as I tried to hoard them away from him.

I watched him go into the bathroom, hearing the door lock. He'd be a while. My eyes then turned to Dean as he sat in the chair across from me. Between bursts of lightening, it was almost too dark to see him by. Every time it flashed, I'd see his eyes staring into mine. The shock of them as strong as the lightening.

"What are you thinking?" He asked gently.

"About how stupid I am." I smiled with a shrug as more tears fell down my cheeks uncontrollably. I was going to go on but my throat clenched and all I could do was look at him, shaking my head, shrugging. I was waiting for him to say something. I just wanted him to say something. "What am I supposed to do?" I finally asked him. "What…am I supposed to do?" I asked as a sob broke through. Taking a deep breath, I ran my fingers through my hair, blowing it out hard.

"I don't know what to tell you." He replied though I could hear the agony in his voice. He was in the same boat I was, waiting for me to make up my damn mind.

"You do." I shot at him. "You do know what to tell me because I know what you want." I said and stood, pacing the room. "The lives we live are so screwed up." I told him. "I used to know exactly what I wanted. I used to know everything I wanted and then I got it. We were happy. We were happy, Dean. Then you went and died on me." I said stopping and looking at him with my arms crossed. The tears had yet to slow down. "You died and I was left alone and at square one. I tried everything to bring you back. _Everything!_ And I came up empty. No one would help me." I said shaking my head. "No one." Blinking, tears slid down my cheeks. "And then I met Cass." I stated and sat back onto the bed. "I was happy again. As happy as I ever thought I'd be after you." I told him averting my eyes as my voice became soft. "Then you were back and I thought I was doubly happy. But no one can be that happy. Something had to fall and I made a decision." Looking up at him, I met his eyes. Keeping them as another flash of lightening filled the room. When I spoke it was barely above a whisper. "And now I'm second guessing that decision. And I don't know what to do."

Dean kept his eyes on mine as I stared at him. I didn't know what else to say to him. He stood and stepped up to me. He took my face in his hands, stepping closer; moving between my knees as he gently leaned against me. Not moving, I looked up at him. His eyes never left mine as he lowered his head and kissed me. Closing my eyes, I let him continue to kiss me. Passion and heat rising as he gently pushed me backward, his lips moving more urgently against mine as we both moved further up the bed. He gently laid me back against the pillows. His hand slid up my shirt, gently gripping my breast as his tongue slipped into my mouth. I couldn't help my groan of pleasure as his fingers slid down and started to unbutton my pants. Soon we were both naked under the sheet, moving against each other. My mind was a haze of emotions. But the one that stood out the most was the fact that it made me happy. The feeling of Dean's body. Dean's breath against my neck. Dean's lips against mine. Feeling him inside of me. Feeling connected on a level that we had never been to before. It was like being on a cloud. It was like being on a cloud and it wasn't with the angel where it was physically possible. It was with the man I had devoted my life to for the past three years. Nearly four. I had a lapse of judgment. And I still didn't know what to do. But in this moment, with Dean's body on top of mine, it wasn't in the forefront of my mind. In this moment I wasn't going to let my mind ruin this. The door had been opened, whether it was to the light or dark I did not know, but it was open and the flood was moving through it.

* * *

><p>Lying in Dean's arms, my head resting on his chest, I felt relaxed and whole. Dean was gently running his fingers through my hair as he trailed his fingers up and down my arm with the other. I was drifting in and out of sleep as I relished his touch. Though the circumstances were yet what we…I…wanted. We were in a random home that had been foreclosed on. It was still in good repair, only now it was painted with symbols to keeping us invisible to both demons and angels alike. We were safe here. Safe from Cass. Even though there was no need. I didn't need to hide from him. I needed to be honest with him. But, as usual, there was a thought process to go through. Dean and I needed to talk. Lots of talking and thinking.<p>

"I should go." I told him as I moved off of him.

He frowned, sitting up with me. "What?"

"I should really go and face him." I replied.

"Not yet." He said and pulled me down on top of him, pressing his lips to mine before rolling me underneath him.

Our tongues fought for space as the kiss became passionate and breathtaking. Before the woods and what happened after, I had forgotten how this had felt. The warmth of his body. The taste of his breath mixing with mine. It was intoxicating. I had forgotten. He tried to remind me. Tried to show me what we were supposed to be and I turned him down every time. But now…after everything…the spark had been relit and I couldn't believe that I had ever forgotten what it felt like. What it was supposed to feel like. But here we were, in each other's arms, feeling exactly the way we were supposed to.

"I'm sorry." I told him as I gently ran my fingers through his hair.

"For what?" He frowned starting to trail his thumb up and down my jaw line.

"For everything I've put you through." I said gently.

"It's okay." He smiled and kissed him, his frown gone.

"No, it's not." I frowned and averted my eyes, softly trailing my fingers across his chest. "You gave me every opportunity and I threw it all in your face. I turned away from you, running into another man's arms, and I stopped looking at you like I promised I would. I made the vows. I said the words. You were all I ever wanted and then…" I said as tears filled my eyes. "And then…"

"I died." He said and rolled off of me.

"It keeps coming up." I told him.

"I don't blame you for what happened. I pushed you away. Hell, I beat you for Christ's sake."

"Dean." I frowned and sat up. "I'm to blame. I've been to blame throughout all of this. You were sick and it's my fault that I didn't fix things when I should have. I should have just let Cass go. Should've just stopped and ignored everything I felt for him. There are so many things I should have done. There was just so many emotions going through me and I didn't know which ones to listen to. I love you. I've always loved you. I don't know why it took me so long to feel the way I felt before you died. I fell for Cass because I accepted the fact that I was never going to see you again. Then the man I fell for brought me my life back and I was torn. Torn in two. We fought and he made me feel special. I wanted that. But it's not what I needed." I said and finally looked at him. "It's always been you. It has been. I've just been too blind to see it. Or too stubborn."

"You were in love." He said sitting up and looking at me. "I told you I understand what happened."

"You shouldn't." I whispered as tears filled my eyes.

"Hey." He said catching my eyes as he gently tucked my hair behind my ear. "I understand…but I always knew you'd come back. I was never going to let you go. I was never going to just forget and move on. I accepted your choice but I was always going to be the shadow behind you, waiting for you to turn around and to see me again. I knew it was going to happen. It was just a matter of time." He smiled before brushing my hair over my shoulder to place a long kiss against my skin.

"You have a lot of faith in me." I smiled at him.

"You've had faith in me for as long as I can remember. It's about time that I return the favor." He said and kissed me deeply.

"I don't deserve you." I grinned at him.

"You could do so much better than me." He said with his wonderful half smile.

"Technically I'm still dating an angel." I said softly as I leaned toward him.

He smiled before leaning back against the wall. "Maybe you should go." He told me.

"You're kicking me out now?" I frowned as I stood, the blanket slipping off, revealing my nakedness.

"Maybe not." He said ogling me.

"Ha ha." I said and leaned down, bringing my face to his, my lips nearly meeting his. "Too late."

Straightening, I pulled on my clothes, grinning as he gave a soft groan behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I smirked at him, before going to the door. My hand was on the knob when his covered it. Looking up, his face held a gentle expression. His arm moved around me and I melted against him. My hands moving up and down his still naked body.

"It's never too late." He whispered and pulled me into a hard kiss.

For a second I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even open my eyes when his lips left mine. When I finally did, he was smiling at me. Wiping the look off my face, I frowned up at him through my eyelashes.

"What?" He smiled.

"I can't go if you keep doing that." I told him, feeling my cheeks flush.

"Then stay." He whispered, putting his lips against my ear.

"No." I replied leaning away from him. "I have to do this and I have to do this now. Waiting just makes everything worse."

"Okay." He said and kissed my forehead. "I'm gonna go back to the room with Sam. You'll be back soon?"

"As soon as I can." I smiled and kissed him. "I love you." I told him kissing him repeatedly.

Sighing, I walked out the door and into the woods. Walking for several minutes until I found a clearing. Taking a small cloth bag from my pocket, I brought my lighter up to it, burning it. It hadn't even finished burning when Cass appeared in front of me.

"What's going on?" He asked before I could even greet him. I frowned at him. "Where have you been? I couldn't feel you. What is going on, Evy?" He said grabbing my arms.

"Cass…" I said looking at him sadly.

In the next second he had me in his arms, his lips pressed against mine in a hot kiss. For a long moment I didn't respond. But a sense of guilt filled me and I kissed him back. Though we both felt that the fire was gone. Neither of us thought this was going to happen. After everything we had been through, I never thought I'd look at him and not feel like I had chosen the right guy. Yet here I was, looking at him and wishing I was with my husband. The thought I'd been waiting for since I said 'I do'.

"It's Dean." He finally said. "You're finally going back to him. You're ending this." I didn't say anything to him. "I know I let you down. But…what happened?"

"I don't know." I told him. "I don't know when it happened. I don't know what it was. But the feelings I had for him before he died, the ones that have been buried, came flooding back. I don't know why. It just…"

"Happened." Cass finished.

"Sounds familiar doesn't it?" I said crossing my arms, feeling the emotion coming to the surface.

"Yes it does." He replied. "You told Dean something very similar."

"You don't deserve this. You don't want me. And I sure as hell don't deserve you." I told him.

"Isn't that for me to decide?" He shot at me.

"You can think what you want but there was a time when you wanted me to go back to Dean. To _be_ with Dean. And then you told me that you weren't going to give up. You told me that but Dean did too. Both of you want to be with me and that seems crazy to me. I think you're both _completely_ insane to want me as much as the two of you seem to. I'm not worth it. That's not me being modest either. I'm telling you that I'm not worth it. You're an angel. You don't need a human. You don't need me." I told him. "You don't need me, Castiel. You don't need me. You don't." I kept repeating.

"Yes I do." He said moving to me.

"I love you, Cass. So much." I told him, putting my hands on his chest. "You know I do. You know it. But I never stopped loving Dean when I was with you. I never stopped."

"You change your mind a lot." He stated.

That stung. Stung with truth. "I know." I told him. "And believe me when I say that I hate myself for it. I really, really do. I tried to get away from the two of you and both of you still were there every day. I can't escape you. I can't escape either of you. Dean has always been there. When you're not, he is. Despite everything he has always been there. And things have happened and whatever wall I had put up in front of us is down now and I see him the way I used to. I see my boyfriend that I've loved for so long."

"I understand." He told me softly.

"Do you?" I asked, needing to be sure. I was selfish for needing it to make me feel less guilty about what I was doing.

"Yes." He replied running his fingertips down my cheek. "I knew this day would come. I dared to hope, but I knew."

"I don't love you any less, Cass. I don't." I told him. "I love you. But I love him too and it all just…sucks."

"Yes it does." He agreed, putting his hand on my face. "I am happy for you."

"No, you're not." I said rolling my eyes, allowing a few tears to fall.

"Yes, I am." He retorted. "This is what I wanted. I wanted you to be with your husband. So, I understand and I will be okay."

"Are you going to disappear?" I asked.

"No." He said taking my head in his hands. He placed a long kiss against my forehead before he disappeared.

"I do still love you and I am so, so very sorry that I did this to you. I am so sorry. I loved what we had and I will cherish it always. _Always._ You are my angel, Castiel. You are my angel and I will always need you. I will always smile when I think of you and want you around. Just because we can't be together doesn't diminish anything we've done or shared. You are still a part of the center of my world. I just need to you know that." I said aloud but I knew that he could hear me. "You need to know that."

As if to tell me that he did, the clouds parted and the moons light shone down on me. I smiled, though rain started to fall, lightly at first before it started to pour. Now I glared at the skies before I started my walk back to the motel. For some reason I had thought Cass would zap me back. But now I was left to walk, thinking about how horrible of a person I am. He was right when he said that I changed my mind too much. I didn't know why. Maybe I'm just indecisive. Most would think I was lucky to have found two men who loved me enough to fight for me. To have so much love in my life should be a miracle. It was a miracle. A miracle and a curse. I still was convinced that I was nothing special. Why the hell would they want someone like me? I am not extraordinary. I am not. I am not. I am not. I am not.

When I reached the motel, I stayed outside, sitting on the picnic table, staring up at the moon. It had been too easy to let Cass go and simply be with Dean again. It shouldn't be so simple. Something was clearly wrong with me. After everything I'd seen and done, something had clearly gone wrong in my brain. Looking down at the ground next to me, I thought of Lincoln. He would know what to tell me. He would say the right thing to make me feel better. It was probably a good thing he wasn't here. I wanted to feel miserable for a second. Lifting my eyes to our hotel door, I knew I should go in. Dean was waiting for me.

"Hey." Dead said making me jump. "Sorry."

I sighed and smiled at him, "It's okay."

He sat next to me, his arm brushing mine. "You're cold."

"It was a long walk back." I replied.

There was a long moment of silence before he spoke again. "How did it go?"

"About as well as you'd expect." I told him and sighed again.

"Feeling guilty?" He asked.

I laughed lightly, "Of course I am."

"Well, don't." He frowned at me. "It was always supposed to end up with way. Even our prophet told us that."

"I know." I nodded. "But didn't it all seem a little too easy?" I asked him, now frowning. "I may have happened over months, but it was too easy to pick him and then drop him. What kind of person does that?"

"It was something you needed to see through." He replied. "That doesn't make you horrible."

"Yes it does." I frowned harder. "Do you even trust me anymore?" I asked him. "We love each other. That's obvious. But after everything I've done can you honestly tell me that you still trust me?"

"With my life." He replied.

"Even with Cass I would have saved your life even if that meant giving mine. That doesn't mean you should trust me." I retorted.

He met my eyes, keeping them for a long moment, "I trust you, Evy. Whether you think I should or not."

I looked at him for another long moment. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Because you don't want to." He stated gently. "But I don't think that has anything to do with me but with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't think you trust yourself anymore." Laughing lightly, I nodded, feeling tears again. He sighed, taking my hand in his, gripping my forearm with the other, his thumb moving back and forth across it. "I can try and pretend to know exactly what's going on inside your head, but I know I don't. Not this time. But I can tell you that you can trust me. If you can't trust yourself then just trust me. I'm not going anywhere and you've come back to me. I'm not letting you go again. So just…be with me. Trust me, Evy. The rest will work itself out. It might take a little more time but we'll get back to where we were."

"I hope so." I told him. "Because I really want to get back there."

"We'll work on it every day."

"Until the world ends." I smiled. "I mean, we still are in the middle of the apocalypse."

He smirked and wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling me against him. "Yeah." He said and kissed my forehead.

Smiling up at him, I brought my hand to his face, "That's not what I want."

He laughed lightly, kissing me slow and deep. "I love you, wife."

Kissing him again, I left my lips against his, "I love you, husband."

Wrapping my arms around him, we kissed as the rain pelted down on us. I was no longer shaking, my body warm now that it was against his. Running my fingers through his hair, I gripped it at the back of his head, breathing hard against his mouth. His lips moved to my neck, sucking my pulse point, feeling the racing of my heart beneath his lips. Pressing my lips against his shoulder, I leaned away looking him in his eyes. Feeling a shudder, I kissed him once more before getting off the table, keeping his hand and pulling him with me back toward the hotel.

"Hey." Sam said standing up.

"Hey." I smiled at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked gently.

Taking a moment to think about it, I smiled at him, "I think so."

Stepping up to him, he wrapped me in his arms. "You smell like wet dog." He commented.

Narrowing my eyes at him, I tackled him, falling onto his bed as I made sure to get him as wet as I possibly could. He squirmed and wrestled with me, trying to get me off of him. He ended up grabbing my sides, sending me into a fit of laughter and annoyance as I attempted to get away from the incessant tickling. He finally stopped, leaving me breathless as we both lay looking at each other.

"Thank you." He told me with a smile.

"For what?" I smiled with furrowed brows.

"For putting our family back together." He replied.

Sighing, I wrapped my arm around him, resting my head against his chest. "I love you, Sammy."

"I love you too." Sam said placing a kiss in my hair.

"Come on." Dean said holding his hand out to me. "It's time for a nice hot shower."

Smiling from ear to ear, I took his hand and he led me to the bathroom. I started to undress but he stopped me. Grabbing my shirt, he gently pulled me to him, gently pulling my shirt off before kissing me sweetly. Unbuttoning his shirt, I slid it off of his shoulders, allowing it to fall to the floor. Pulling off his t-shirt I placed a kiss against his chest. He pulled me against him, gripping my hair to tilt my head back, enabling him to trail hot kisses down my neck. Reaching for his pants, I undid them, following them down to the floor. Staying on my knees, I smirked up at him through my eyelashes before taking his penis in my hands and gently slipping it into my mouth. It took only a few draws on it to make it hard. Smiling, I stood and slipped my hand into his, turning on the water before stepping into it. The water was still cold but I could have sworn I could see the steam coming off of us from the heat we were making. Smiling, we kissed until our lips started to burn, before he pressed me against the wall. The water was now warm, adding to the already steaming shower. Moaning as he moved inside of me, I let out a shuddering breath, stifled by Dean's lips against mine. He held me against him as he moved against me. It was over too soon and we just stood under the hot water in each other's arms. He smiled, trailing his fingers up and down my slick skin. Doing the same, I rested my hands on his chest, loving the feel of him.

"You're so beautiful." He said sweetly as his hand moved to my face.

Smiling, I kissed him passionately. "So are you." I said and kissed him again. Pressing my body against his, I wrapped my arms around his neck, moving up onto my tiptoes to reach his mouth better. "I love you."

"I love you more." He said and kissed me.

"I'll let you have that one for now." I smiled.

"I think I have to thank you too." He said gently.

"For what?" I smiled but ran my hand down the back of his head. "For coming back?"

"Yeah." He said and put his forehead against mine. "I know I sounded sure when I said that I knew you were going to come back to me but…I was terrified that you weren't. I saw you with him and saw how much you loved him. I was afraid that I was wrong and that I'd never be able to do this again. That I'd have to picture you and him together and that that would be the closest I'd get to you again."

"Good thing you know me so well." I smiled and kissed him again. "You know, at some point we should probably stop talking about it all. I find it depressing and it makes both of us think too much about everything that's happened over the past year. I've been thinking about it ever since you died. I've been thinking about everything nonstop and now I want to try and just live in the now. What's done is done. I want to live in this moment. This moment with you." I grinned and kissed him again. "I feel like our life together is finally starting to begin. We've been through so much and I am in this for the long hull. We're going to be happy and I want the next chapter of our story to start today, right now, and I want to embrace it. Can we do that?"

"Yeah." He said and kissed me passionately.

Heat rose again as he turned me under the water. I felt him harden against my leg and couldn't help but grin as he looked down at me with a raised brow and a mischievous smile on his face. Laughing as he nipped at my neck, dipping me as he started to devour me.


	43. Unbeknownst

_**Chapter Forty-three: Unbeknownst**_

It never failed; research always seemed more productive at night, in a library you broke into. It was quiet and no one stopped you from looking at things you shouldn't. Sitting in the back of the racks behind the counter, I was going through all the books that weren't available to the general public. We were back in South Dakota per my request. We had just gotten into town and I was avoiding Bobby so I asked Dean to take me to the library, breaking in so I could go through all their books and newspapers. Dean was helping me look by going to the police station and getting any file pertaining to stray dogs or anything to do with dogs over the past year. The drama had quieted down between me and the men I loved. Dean and I were happy and Sam had even perked up after we made our marriage official again. The only person that I hadn't fully made up with was Bobby. It was time. But I was here for two things. Bobby and to try and find Lincoln. It had been a while but I wasn't going to give up on him. I missed my dog. But more than that, I missed my friend. He hadn't been human to me for very long but it felt like I'd known him for years. I still felt guilty for letting him get taken. I would have done more but with what happened to Cass I wasn't thinking past what was happening to him. Lincoln had willingly given himself up for Cass and me and I had to repay him by finding him and getting him out of whatever hell he had been tossed into.

Hearing footsteps, I looked up to see Dean walking towards me. The tie to his suit already loosened and his buttons undone on his jacket. "I still think you look sexy in that monkey suit." I smiled at him.

"I'm about ready to rip it off." He smiled back and kissed me.

"Ooo, naked is much more sexy." I grinned and kissed him deeply. "What did you find?" I asked getting down to business.

"Not a lot." He sighed. "No answers have been found connected to any of the canine cases that have happened over the past year. I asked about chocolate labs and the whole bit but nothing came up. We have no leads. There is nothing to point us in any direction other than the house you were kept in. I wish I had better news." He said gently rubbing my back.

"Me too." I replied, putting my hands over my face as I leaned back in the chair. "I need to find him, Dean." I said linking my hands, resting my cheek on top of them as I looked at him. "He gave up his life for us. For Cass. He knew what he was doing and he knew what they were going to do with him. For all I know he's dead. They probably killed him for knowing whatever it is that he knows. I can't live with myself until I do right by him. I just can't."

"He'll be okay." He said gently running his hand down my hair. "He loves you. He did what he had to do to keep you safe. That's all he ever wanted."

"He'll kick me for leaving Cass too." I smiled at him. "He was my one supporter on that front and I let him down."

"We don't care about that one." He smiled. "It's in the past."

"You're right." I said and kissed him. "I just won't have a good night's sleep till we find him."

"You're exhausted." He stated. "Let's get going to Bobby's."

"I'm nervous to see him." I admitted.

"Why?" Dean frowned.

"Things were so strained between us. I'm afraid we still aren't back to the way we used to be." I explained.

"All the more reason to go see him now." Dean smiled and kissed my temple.

"Alright." I said and stood. "Help me put everything back?"

My nerves were twice as bad as we parked in front of Bobby's. I didn't want to go in. I don't know why I still was upset or uneasy around him. After everything that had happened I just wasn't sure how he would see me. He was as much a part of the family as anyone could be but…but something was different.

"He's fine." Dean told me as he turned off the car. "He forgot everything that happened and nothing will ever change how much he loves you."

"Something just feels different." I told him as I stared at the door.

"Let's go inside." Dean said getting out.

"What if I'm not ready?" I shouted to him as he came around the car, opening my door. "I might just turn into a five-year-old and throw a tantrum right now."

"Evy, get out of the car." He said motioning for me to do it.

"Don't make me." I looked at him with a pouty face.

Shaking his head, he averted his eyes. "Don't look at me like that."

"Look at me, baby." I told him sadly.

"No." He told me. "If I look at you then I'll do what you want."

"I know." I smiled. "So look at me." He did, sighing at me. "Alright, let's go." I said getting out of the car.

"Nothing's changed." He said placing a kiss against my hair. "Everything will be fine."

"I know." I told him, taking a deep breath before walking to the house.

Pausing at the door, I took a deep breath before going inside. I could hear Sam and Bobby talking in the kitchen. Dean took my hand, squeezing it as we walked into the room. They both stopped talking and looked at us. I smiled but couldn't even open my mouth to say 'hi'.

"So, finally kicked the habit huh?" Bobby asked.

"What?" I asked with furrowed brows. He gestured to our hands. "Oh!" I said and gripped Dean's hand tighter. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. I might not put it that way but…yeah." I said and looked at my feet.

"Want a beer?" Bobby asked.

"Yes!" I said a little too quickly. They all eyed me as Bobby grabbed one for me. He turned back to me but he didn't hand it over as I reached out for it. Frowning, I tried taking it from him but he moved it from my reach. "Bobby." I frowned.

"Are you gonna stop acting like I'm going to yell or disown you? Stop acting so weird. What happened before sucked and I'm sorry I dropped the ball on that one. But it's done and everything is fine. Things are straightening themselves out. Hell, you two are back together. To me, that says things are getting better." He told me with a frown.

"Okay." I nodded at him.

"So if you take this beer then you're agreeing that the past is the past and there's no point in dwelling on it. That nothing has changed and we are as close a family as anyone else." He said sternly.

All the tension seemed to melt away as annoyance started to set it. Frowning at him, I grabbed the beer from his hands. "Now you sound like me."

"Then I guess I taught you something." Bobby smiled at me.

"Whatever, old man." I grinned with furrowed brows, taking a large gulp off of the beer. "I learned that lesson all on my own. It just took me ages to figure it out."

"I'll agree with that." Dean said getting one of his own.

"Shut up." I smiled at him.

Wrapping his arm around me, he placed a gentle kiss against my neck. Resting my head against his momentarily, I believed what Bobby said. Things were going to get better. They _were_ better. We spent the next few hours simply talking and catching up. We laughed. Sang and danced to the radio. Drank till we ran out of beer. Even after we all turned in, Dean and I lay facing each other, a never ending smile on both our faces. I was tired but I couldn't seem to keep my eyes off of him. He put his hand on my face, gently rubbing my cheek with his thumb. Doing the same, I ran my thumb across his lower lip. His smile faded as he leaned forward and kissed me. Shifting, closing the small space between us, I kissed him back.

"I love you." I told him.

"I love you too." He whispered.

Putting his forehead against mine, we shut our eyes and slowly drifted to sleep. My sleep was dreamless and refreshing. Things were looking up and were almost exactly where they were supposed to be. I thought I'd be able to sleep in and enjoy our time here with Bobby. But all that went away when I was being shaken awake.

"Evy, wake up." Dean told me, a sense of urgency in his voice.

"What is it?" I frowned as I slowly sat up. He was already dressed, finishing buttoning up his shirt. "What are you doing?"

"We have to go." He told me.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I got out of bed.

"We have to go meet Cass." He told me.

"What's going on?" I asked more urgently.

"I don't know. He wouldn't tell me. He just told me where." He replied.

"Did he appear in a dream?" I asked.

"Yeah." He said and looked at me sadly.

"What is it?" I asked as a pit fell in my stomach. "Something's wrong…isn't it?" He remained silent. "Is he okay?" I asked even though I doubted he knew the answer.

"Let's go." He said and pulled on his jacket.

Nodding, I quickly got dressed and we were out the door. Sam was already in the car and we were rushing off to where Cass had told Dean to meet him. Something felt wrong. Dean's worry only solidified my feeling of dread as we pulled up to a warehouse. We all rushed inside, walking down a long hall before it opened up into a disaster area. Pillars were down, rubble everywhere. It was clear that some angel battle had gone down. I'd seen them before. Then we saw the sign on the wall. The same sign Anna had used to banish the angels.

"Cass!" I yelled and started to rush through the building. "Cass!"

Dean and Sam were both doing the same. Running past a pile of rubble, something caught my eye that made me skid to a stop. Looking back, Cass was laying on top of it. Rushing to him, I climbed onto it. Dean was at my side a second later as we looked at the unconscious Castiel.

"Cass." I said taking his head in my hands. "Cass, wake up."

He came to quickly, only there was a look of confusion yet understanding on his face. "What's-? What's-? What's going on?" He asked.

His voice was different. "You're not Castiel." I frowned at him, taking a step back.

"What?" Dean said stepping next to me.

"You're his vessel." I said running my fingers through my hair. "Where is he?"

Dean frowned at me before helping the man to his feet. "Just take it easy. Take it easy."

"Oh. No." The man said as he paced.

"Cass, you okay?" Dean asked.

"He's not Cass." I said again wrapping one arm around myself, gently biting my thumb nail as I started my own pacing.

"Ugh. Castiel. I'm not Castiel. It's me." He replied.

"Who's "me"?" Sam asked.

"Jimmy. My name's Jimmy." He replied.

"Where the hell is Castiel?" Dean asked.

Jimmy shook his head, "He's gone."

There was no choice but to take him with us. He claimed to be starving so we stopped and got him some food. Dean and Sam tried to engage him in conversation but I found it hard to even look at him. Choosing not to be with Cass was bad enough but having him ripped away was something completely different. But as we sat with him in our room, I could tell that Dean was having trouble with this as well.

"Slow down. You're gonna give me angina." Dean frowned at him.

"I'm hungry." He replied.

"When's the last time you ate?" Sam asked. There was a whole new set of rules now.

"I don't know, months." Jimmy told him, thoroughly enjoying his food.

"What the hell happened back there? It looked like an angel battle royale." Sam asked him.

"All I remember is a flash of light and I, uh…I woke up and I was just, you know, like, me again." He replied, looking between us all.

"So, what? Cass just ditched out of your meat suit?" Dean frowned.

"I really don't know."

"He wouldn't do that." I frowned from behind Dean's shoulder.

Dean stood and turned to me, his hands finding my arms. "Baby, it's okay."

"It's not okay." I whispered to him, shaking my head.

"Do you remember anything about being possessed? Anything at all?" Sam asked, trying to get anything out of him.

"Yeah, bits and pieces. I mean, angel inside of you…it's kind of like being chained to a comet." Jimmy stated.

"That doesn't sound like much fun." Dean told him, sitting back down.

"Understatement." He said raising his brows.

"Cass said he wanted to tell us something. Please tell me you remember that." Sam said a little on the desperate side. Now I looked up, my eyes' meeting Jimmy's for the first time.

"Sorry." He told him.

"Come on, what do you know?" Dean said with an edge of frustration in his voice.

"My name is Jimmy Novak. I'm from Pontiac, Illinois. I have a family."

"I can't hear any more." I said and quickly left, sitting on the hood of the Impala.

I couldn't take it anymore. It was just too weird looking at a man that I had shared so much with and knowing that that man was gone. It was so much harder than I had anticipated. It hurt. Soon, I heard the door and smiled as Dean sat next to me.

"Well, this is weird." He smiled back. I nodded. "You okay?"

"Not really." I said and looked at him. "It's just…where is he?" I asked.

"I don't know." He replied and took my hand.

"I don't understand what happened to make him go. To just leave his vessel behind." I said my thoughts kept swirling around my brain. "Something big must have gone down. He wouldn't just abandon Jimmy. He wouldn't just leave like that. Something happened, Dean. Something happened and he's gone."

"I'm sure he's okay." Dean said gently.

"I'm not." I said and looked at him. "I couldn't stand it if something bad happened to him."

"I know. Me neither." He said and put his arm around me.

Sighing, I nodded at him, resting my head on his shoulder. We stayed that way for only a few minutes when a slight chill moved through me. Kissing Dean, I went back in, passing Sam in the doorway. He smiled at me, before walking up to his brother. Closing the door behind me, I saw Jimmy still sitting at the table. Walking over to him, sitting down, I pulled my knee against my chest, wrapping an arm around it as I looked at him.

"I'm sorry I don't know more." He told me.

"Do you think he's okay?" I asked.

"Castiel?" He confirmed. I nodded at him. "I don't know."

"Why don't you know anything?" I frowned at him, tears springing to my eyes. "He was inside of you for a year and you can't tell us anything. We care about him. _I_ care about him and…you don't know anything."

"I know he loves you." He told me sadly.

"That's not what I want to hear." I shot at him.

"He knows you did the right thing." He continued. "He knew it would never last. Only hoped to enjoy the time you had together."

"Of all the things you remember. Of everything you went through with him inside of you. That's the _one_ thing you remember?"

"You're important to him." He said with a small shrug.

"And he is important to me." I told him. "So excuse me if I'm not happy that you're you again." Standing, I walked to the far bed.

Lying down, I faced the wall, letting silent tears fall. I heard him get up, hoping he wasn't coming to me. Jumping when his hand fell on my arm, I furrowed my brows as I shut my eyes, trying to ignore him.

"I'm sorry." He told me. Even his touch felt different. "I'm sure he's okay."

"I don't believe you." I replied sadly.

"Yeah, me neither." He said with the same tone. "All I want is to be back with my family."

"You can't." I told him.

"What do you mean?" He frowned at me.

Before I could reply, the door opened and I heard the boys come back in. "The boys will explain." I frowned and tried to ignore him again.

I could understand his need to be with his family. I would want the same thing if I were him. But he couldn't go back to them. He was no good to them right now. He needed to stay with us. It was his best chance at survival. And my best chance at getting Cass back. Seeing Cass but knowing that he was no longer inside of this body was almost unbearable. I didn't move or respond to the men as they argued with Jimmy about being able to see his family, eventually putting a pillow over my ear to block out what they were saying. I didn't want to hear. Dean and Sam were right in denying him. He would only put his family in danger. We all knew that that's the last thing he wanted. But the temptation of it would be extremely hard to resist.

Sam was going to take first watch and Dean and I were more than willing to let him. When the pillow was gently moved from my grip, I rolled onto my back, looking up at Dean. Tears still ran from the corners of my eyes. Sighing, he leaned over me, bringing himself down to rest on his side against mine. Looking at him, I shook my head as I sighed, putting my hand on his face. He gave me a small smile before kissing me gently. Wrapping my arms around him, He did the same as he pulled me against his chest. Angels. Nothing but one big complication after the next.

Falling asleep, it seemed only minutes had passed when I heard Sam's voice waking up both me and his brother. "What is it?" I asked him as I rolled over.

"Jimmy's gone." Sam replied.

"Excuse me?" I asked sitting up. I was awake now. "What the hell happened?" Sam didn't say anything; he simply looked at me guiltily. "Great." I said scooting off the end of the bed. "Just great."

Going into the bathroom, I took a shower, annoyed with my brother. Soon Dean came in, joining me. He simply started to clean himself, a sense of annoyance coming off of him as well. When I was done, I kissed Dean's skin between his shoulder blades before stepping out of the tub. Wrapping a towel around myself, I took out my toothbrush before starting to get ready. Dean did the same, running his fingers across my back as he moved around me.

"Dean. Evy. Would you hurry up?" Dean walked from the bathroom, dressed and laughing while he brushed his teeth. "Sorry, uh, this is funny to you?"

"Mr. Big-Bad-Prison-Guard, Jimmy McMook gives you the slip? Yeah, it's pretty funny. What were you doing, anyway?" Dean asked our brother.

"I was getting a Coke." He replied.

Pausing as I packed my things, I looked up at him. There was something he wasn't telling us.

"Was it a refreshing Coke?" Dean asked.

"Can we just go, please?" Sam asked.

Dean just went back into the bathroom. Walking up to Sam, I crossed my arms as I met eyes with him. "What aren't you telling us?"

"What do you mean?" He frowned as he zipped up his bag.

"I can see it all over your face." I told him sternly.

"There's nothing to tell." He shot at me.

Quickly moving to him, I made a quick sweep on his body, fighting him, finding a flask in his jacket, snatching it before he could stop me. He lunged at me as I unscrewed the cap, leaning out of his reach. Bringing it up to my nose, I smelled the irony scent that was coming from the flask. Sam was frowning at me. Tipping it upside down, only a drop or two fell from inside of it.

"Empty…" I said and looked back at my little brother. Shaking my head, I threw the flask at him. "I knew it. I knew something was off."

"You didn't know anything." Sam shot at me. "You haven't been around enough to know if something was off."

"Sam." I frowned at him.

"I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking." He told me.

"No, you're not." I told him. "You're drinking demon blood. How the hell is that okay?"

"It makes me strong enough to save people." He told me.

"At what cost, Sammy?" I asked shaking my head.

"Listen, I'm sorry I let him get away. Let's just go." He said and put his bag over his shoulder as he left.

Lingering, I tried to think of what to do. Dean needed to know. He needed to know what was going on. But how do I tell him his brother is addicted to demon blood? I'm sure he already knew something was going on but knowing and seeing were two different things. I saw the blood. I saw the way he looked at me when I took the flask. The fact that he won't talk about it and wasn't willing to change it. He wasn't the Sam I knew anymore. I wanted my Sam back. The Sam I knew and loved. I looked up as Dean walked into the room.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked.

"No." I told him. "Sam just finished off his demon blood."

"What?" He frowned.

"I saw the flask and smelled the blood. He's hyped up on it as we speak." I explained. "What are we going to do? We need to stop him. You know what Cass said. If we can't stop him the angels will." He just looked at me, running his hand down the back of my head. "I'm scared." I whispered to him.

"It's okay." He said and pulled me against him. Wrapping my arms around him, I took a deep calming breath. "I have an idea."

Looking at him, he nodded. Nodding back at him, he wrapped his arm around me as we walked from the room. Jimmy's family was in Pontiac, Illinois. He'd beat us there and there was no telling what we'd find when we caught up with him.

* * *

><p>Propping my elbow on the ledge of the window, I ran my fingers across my forehead, trying to wrap my head around everything that was happening. Sam drinking blood. Cass being evicted from Jimmy. The range of emotions so tiring I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry.<p>

"It'll be okay." Dean told me.

"I know." I said lowering my arm, crossing them in front of me. "It's just…"

"Yeah." He said glancing at me. "I know."

"Hey guys." A familiar voice said from the backseat.

We all jumped, the car swerving, while all our eyes shot to Anna in the backseat.

"Aah! Jeez. Jesus." Dean shot at her.

"Smooth." Anna replied.

"What the hell?" I frowned at the angel.

"You ever try calling ahead?" Dean frowned.

"I like the element of surprise." She told him.

"Well, you look terrific." Dean said eyeing her.

"Dean." I frowned and hit him in the chest.

"Um, yeah, not the most appropriate time, Dean. You let Jimmy get away?" Anna asked.

"Talk to ginormo here." Dean said glancing at Sam.

"Sam. You seem…different." The angel said looking at him.

"Me? I don't know. Heh. A haircut?" Sam lied.

"That's not what I'm talking about." She told him. She could sense the difference in him, but he would never admit to it and Dean and I weren't going to start flapping our lips. She finally looked away, looking at Dean, "So, what'd Jimmy tell you? He remember anything?"

"What's going on?" I asked her. "Where's Cass?"

"He got sent back home. Well, more like dragged back." She told me.

"To heaven? That's not a good thing?" Dean asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"No. That's a very bad thing. Painfully, awfully bad. He must have seriously pissed someone off."

"What does that mean?" I frowned at her.

"Cass had something to tell me. Something important." Dean added.

"What?" Asked Anna.

"I don't know." Dean told her. "Whatever happened, happened before we got there."

"Does Jimmy know?" She asked, a sense of anxiousness in her voice.

"I don't think so." Dean told her.

"You don't think so? Whatever it is, it's huge. You gotta find out for sure." She told him.

"That's why we're going after Jimmy." Sam told her.

"That's why you shouldn't have let him go in the first place. He's probably dead already." She shot back at him. Then she disappeared.

"I liked her better when she didn't know who she was." I frowned and looked at my husband.

"It didn't mean anything." He told me with a smirk.

"You think she's hotter than me." I stated with an edge to my voice.

"What?!" He exclaimed. "No! Of course not!"

"Okay." I smiled at him.

"That was mean." He frowned.

"I know." I said and leaned over, kissing his cheek.

My semi-good mood was horribly interrupted when we reached Jimmy's family's house. There was screaming inside, demons had come to take the vessel. Looking at each other, we all got out of the car and rushed into the house. Dean had the demon blade, slicing the throat of one of the demons as we burst into the room. Going after another, I fought, using holy water to keep her at bay before Dean took her out. Sam did the same, only he used his demonic powers to stop her. But he couldn't exorcise her. He looked like he was in pain.

"Go! Get them out of here!" Sam yelled at Jimmy.

"Go, go!" Dean shouted at them.

"Aw. Can't get it up, can you, Sam?" The woman taunted Sam.

"No, but I can." Dean said rushing her with the knife. But before he could kill her, the demon fled from her body. He looked at his brother, an almost afraid look on his face. "Come on, come on, come on."

"Thank God." Jimmy said as we all came out of the house.

"Where's your wife?" Dean asked him.

"Right here." Amelia told him as she run up to us.

"Let's go." Dean said and looked at me.

Nodding, I moved Amelia and Claire to the car, loading them in. We drove for what felt like hours when we finally pulled over in a secluded spot. Making sure the girls were okay, I followed the men as they grouped together out of earshot of the car.

"You were right." Jimmy said as he glanced back at the car.

"I'm sorry we were." Dean told him.

"More than you know." I added softly.

"I'm telling you, I don't know anything." Jimmy told us.

"I don't think they're inclined to believe you." Dean replied. Demons never were.

"And even if they did, you're a vessel. They're gonna wanna know what makes you tic." Sam told him.

"Which means vivisection, if they're feeling generous." Dean told him.

"I'm gonna tell you once again, you're putting your family in danger. You have to come with us." Sam told him demandingly.

"How long? And don't give me "cross that bridge when we get to it" crap." Jimmy asked.

"Don't you get it? Forever. The demons will never stop. You can never be with your family. You either get as far away from them as possible or put a bullet in your head. And that's how you keep your family safe. But there's no getting out and there's no going home." Sam shot at him.

"Sam." I frowned at him.

"Well, don't sugarcoat it, Sam." Dean frowned.

"I'm just telling him the truth, Dean. Someone has to." Sam replied with the same tone.

"What the hell was that?" I asked Dean as Sam went to get us a second car.

"I don't know." Dean frowned.

We watched as Jimmy said goodbye to his family. Tears were shared and sad words were spoken. When Sam drove up, Jimmy said his final goodbye before getting into the backseat of the car. Jimmy fell asleep, probably to dull the pain, when Sam's phone rang. Answering it, he talked for only a few seconds before waking Jimmy. It was his wife. Only as soon as Jimmy took the phone, he leaned forward, alert.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Turn around." He told us after he hung up the phone.

Something was wrong. We could never get the upper hand in anything we did. _They_ always managed to take it from us. And now we were racing back the way we had come. A demon had gotten inside Amelia, telling us where we needed to go. And – as always – it turned out of be another fucking warehouse. Little was said, or could be said, to make the situation any better leaving us all on edge as we pulled up to the door.

"They're expecting you to come alone. And that's exactly what you're gonna do. We'll work our way through the catwalks. We'll be right behind you. All you gotta do is stay calm and stall. Let us do our job." Dean told him.

"Stay calm? This is my family we're talking about." Jimmy shot at him.

"This will work. You understand? Nobody's gonna get hurt." My husband told him matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, whatever. Give me a minute, okay?" Jimmy told him and walked away.

"There's no way they're expecting him to come alone, Dean. You know this is probably a trap." Sam told his brother.

"I'm with him." I said looking at Dean uneasily.

"Yeah, I know. That's why I have a plan." Dean told us.

"I'm gonna go check on Jimmy." I frowned and walked the direction he had gone.

I heard his voice before I saw him. Stopping just before going around the corner, I heard him praying to Cass. Begging for him to help and to keep his promise of keeping his family safe. He sounded so desperate it brought tears to my eyes. I wanted Cass to return just as much as he did. I couldn't fathom what Jimmy was going through.

"Hey." I said showing myself.

"Hey." He said glancing at me before looking at his feet.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Really?" He frowned at me.

"Sorry. Stupid question." I said stepping up to him. He just nodded at me. "Come on. Let's go get your family back."

He looked at me, nodding with a slight smile on his lips, sadness in his eyes. Putting my hand on his shoulder, I let him be the first in the building, staying a few paces behind him. Rounding a corner we saw Claire tied to a chair. Amelia was standing next to her, unashamed to show us her black eyes.

"Hi, honey, you're home." Amelia smiled at her husband.

"Listen, I'm— I'm begging you here. You do whatever you want with me…but my wife and daughter they're just—they're not a part of this." He told the demon.

"Oh, they're a big part of this, Jimmy. And P.S. You should've come alone." She smiled at him.

"I am alone." He replied.

Fear started to seep into me, they knew we were here, not that I was surprised; I just thought we'd have a little more time than this. Just as the thought passed through my mind, I was grabbed from behind, my gun be torn from my hands as a large, powerful hand wrapped around my neck.

"Hello, princess." A male voice whispered, his lips pressed against me ear.

"Oh, you're such a liar. Like I didn't think you'd bring Heckle and Jeckle, hmm? And we can't forget their little bitch."

I was shoved forward, the grip tightening around my neck as I was forced into sight. Both Dean and Sam were dragged into sight by similar means.

"Nice plan, Dean." Sam shot at his brother.

"Yeah, well, nobody bats 1,000." Dean replied.

"You're 0 for 1." I shot at him.

"You okay?" He asked.

"As good as you are." I replied.

"Got the knife?" Amelia asked. Another demon held it up, a pleased look on her face. "And you know what's funny?" Amelia added.

"You wearing a soccer mom?" Dean said sarcastically.

"Is I was actually bummed to get this detail, picking up an empty vessel. Sort of like a milk run. Now look who landed in my lap." Amelia grinned.

"Yeah, well, you got us, huh, okay? Let these people go." Sam told her.

"Oh, Sam. It's easy to act chivalrous when your Wonder Girl powers aren't working, huh?" She told him, both of us looking at Sam, seeing the anger and yet truth on his face. "Now for the punch line. Everybody dies." She said and points the gun at Sam.

"No!" I yelled, struggling against my demon. It lingered only a few seconds on Sam before she turned and shot Jimmy in the abdomen. "NO!" I screamed, fighting harder. "CASS!"

Amelia just grinned before looking at one of her minions, "Waste Little Orphan Annie."

The oversized man walked past the bleeding Jimmy, about to kill his daughter with a baseball bat.

"Stop it!" I shouted. "Don't hurt her!"

The demon took a swing, only Claire caught it, looking up right before putting her hand on his forehead, killing the demon inside of him with a white light. I'd seen it before. Cass was here. Slamming my head back into the face of the demon holding me, I managed to loosen the grip of his arms, turning and punching him hard across the jaw. Quickly ducking his counterattack, I dropped to the floor, taking out his legs as I swung mine underneath them. Springing to my feet, I turned, meaning to go help Dean, when my ankle was grabbed. He wasn't giving up so easily. Dragging me backward, he reached for my throat again, only Claire stepped up and killed him. She turned to Dean and did the same. Scrambling to my feet, I rushed to Dean, both of us looking at Sam. Shock crossed Dean's face, his expression mirroring my own as we watched him drinking the blood out of a demons neck, the blood smearing around his mouth. Looking at him, speechless and shocked, we watched him kill the demon, before he stood and faced us. Putting his hand up, I gripped Dean's arm, unsure of what was happening. But we heard someone behind us and we turned to see the demon being pulled out of Amelia. As soon as it was done, I looked at Dean before rushing to Jimmy.

"Jimmy…" I said softly, kneeling next to him, gently pulling him into my arms. He winced in pain, blood slowly trickling from his mouth, his shirt soaked in his own blood. Claire walked up to us, kneeling in front of her father. Looking at her, I knew she wasn't her anymore. "Cass, don't let him die." I told her.

She looked at me before running her fingers through Jimmy's hair. "Of course we keep our promises. Of course you have our gratitude. You served us well, your work is done…it's time to go home now. Your real home. You'll rest forever in the fields of the Lord. Rest now, Jimmy." She told him.

"No." I said shaking my head. "Cass…"

"No. Claire?" Jimmy said concerned for his daughter.

"She's with me now. She's chosen. It's in her blood, as it was in yours." She told him.

"Please, Castiel. Me, just take me. Take me, please." Jimmy pleaded for his daughter's life.

"I wanna make sure you understand. You won't die or age. If this last year was painful for you…picture a hundred, a thousand more like it." She explained. My eyes widened slightly, causing a tear to fall down my cheek.

Jimmy gripped his daughter's arm, meeting her eyes. "It doesn't matter. You take me. Just take me." He told the angel, his voice weak.

For a moment Claire just looked at him before telling him, "As you wish."

Putting her hand on her father's face, Cass transferred himself from Claire back to Jimmy. Once it was done, Cass looked up at me. I could see the real Cass looking at me this time.

"Hi." I told him softly.

He frowned before standing. Doing the same, I watched as Amelia went to her daughter. Jimmy's family looking at him, knowing what was to come. Cass looked at her for a long moment before turning and walking away. He walked past the boys, not saying a word.

"Cass, hold up." Dean frowned at him. Cass turned to him. "What were you gonna tell me?"

"I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean. I serve heaven, I don't serve man…and I certainly don't serve you." He said coldly before walking away.

"Cass!" I said following him. "Cass, stop!" He stopped and turned to me, a pained expression on his face. "Are you okay?" I asked concerned.

"I'm fine." He told me.

"I'm not buying that." I frowned at him. "Cass, talk to me."

"Evy…" He said shaking his head, his expression growing sad.

"Cass…please…don't lie to me. Are you okay?" I asked him again.

Stepping up to me, he pulled me against him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I ran my hand down the back of his head. Hugging him tightly, I waited for him to tell me something. But he never did. He released me before disappearing from my sight.

"Evy?" Dean said coming out. "Where is he?"

"He's gone." I told him as tears filled my eyes.

"Is he okay at least?" He asked.

"I don't know." I replied running my fingers through my hair.

"We'll be okay. All of us." He said pulling me into a hug.

"I hope so." I replied, resting my head against his chest.

Leaving the area, we went to find a place to hold up for the night. Sitting in the back, I laid sprawled out on the backseat, more exhausted then I remember being for a long time. Dozing, I didn't open my eyes until I heard Sam's voice.

"All right, let's hear it." Sam told his brother.

"What?" Dean asked him.

"Drop the bomb, man. You saw what I did. Come on, stop the car, take a swing."

"I'm not gonna take a swing." Dean said as if the idea were ridiculous.

"Then scream, chew me out."

"I'm not mad, Sam." He replied.

"Come on. You're not mad?" Sam said unbelievingly.

"No."

"Right. Look, at least let me explain myself."

"Don't. I don't care." Dean shot at him.

"You don't care?"

"What do you want me to say, that I'm disappointed? Yeah, I am. But, mostly, I'm just tired, man. I'm done. I am just done." Dean explained. Tears once again filled my eyes, shutting them, I fell asleep, wanting to drown out their voices.

"Hey." Dean's voice said gently. "Time to wake up, baby."

"Where are we?" I asked as I slowly woke up.

"Bobby's." He told me. "I need to tell you something."

"What's going on?" I frowned, fully alert now.

"Sam's on the juice and we need to break him of it." He explained.

"Okay?" I said shaking my head.

"We're gonna lock him up." He said getting to the point.

"Dean." I said sitting up, getting out of the car. "What are you talking about?" I shot at him. "Locking up Sam?"

"Call it demon blood detox." Dean told me.

"I…what if…Dean…" I said not really sure what I was objecting to.

"We need to do this." He said stepping up to me. "We need to get him off of this. He can't keep going like this. You said it yourself."

"I know." I frowned crossing my arms. "But locking him up?"

"Do you have a better idea?" He asked.

"No." I replied.

"Then this is what we're going to do."

"When?"

"Pretty much right now." He told me.

Nodding, I tried to wrap my head around what was going on. "Okay."

"What are you thinking?" He asked.

"Go take care of our brother." I told him running my fingers through my hair.

"You aren't coming?"

"I can't." I frowned at him. "It'd be almost like putting myself in a box. I can't watch that. I can't watch you put him in a box."

"You are nothing like him." He frowned at me.

"I know." I told him quickly. "I'm just saying that if it weren't for you, if it weren't for Cass, I could be just like him. I've tasted the blood. I know what he feels."

"Yeah, but you fought it and got passed it. Sam needs a little more help than that." He told me.

"Alright." I said nodding. "I trust you. I just can't watch it."

"I understand." He said.

Sighing, I stepped up to him, taking his head in my hands. "I'll be in the living room when you're done."

"Okay." He said looking at my mouth.

"I'll have a beer waiting for you." I said before kissing him deeply.

"Sounds good." He said and kissed me again before going inside.

Waiting a few minutes before going in, I found the house quiet. They were downstairs, putting Sam in the panic room. Nothing could get in or out of that room. As was the plan. Sam would detoxify and hopefully turn into the brother we know and love. Pacing the living room, I was already halfway through a beer; Dean's sitting on the coffee table. It was only a few minutes later when faint yelling drifted to my ears. It was Sam. Sitting on the couch, I held the beer, about to take a drink before a wave of emotions hit me. Trying to hold it back, my chin quivered as a few tears fell down my cheeks.


	44. Tough Love

_**Chapter Forty-four: Tough Love**_

The empty six-pack next to me was just the tip of the iceberg. Bringing on a hazy feeling that was an almost constant, starting the moment that Dean put Sam into that cage. The yells would radiate upstairs and I'd have to leave the house until he quieted down again. When it grew unbearable I'd go outside, walking to the far end of the property and find a car hood to claim for a while. Drinking the voices away, knowing that I couldn't do anything to help him. I didn't like feeling helpless, but the way the year had been going that's all we were. Sam was the only one who had any real power and now we were stripping him of that. Stripping him of the one thing we had going for us. Cass was a dog cowering with his tail tucked between his legs. Something had shaken him and he was no longer on the frontline with us. Just when we thought we had gained an inch something would happen that would set us back a mile. The time we were taking to try and fix Sam. The seals were nearly all broken. I could feel it. We were going to fail. We were going to fail and I had no idea what to expect when everything came crashing down.

"Thought I'd find you out here." Dean's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey, baby." I smiled at him.

"You look like you haven't slept in days." He smirked at me.

"I haven't slept since the last time you did." I told him.

"Then it's definitely been days." He said sitting next to me.

"How is he?" I asked. "Quieter?"

"Not yet." He replied putting his arm around me.

"I love you." I told him, resting my head on his shoulder. "Just in case something happens."

"What?" He frowned at me, making me look at him. "What do you mean if something happens?"

"Something always happens, Dean." I said looking at him as I finished the beer in my hands.

"You know, enough." He frowned, taking the bottle and shattering it against a car as he got to his feet.

"Dean." I frowned as I jumped at the sound.

"Just…enough." He shot at me. "Nothing is going to happen." He said taking my face in his hands. "Do you hear me? We've been through too frickin' much. You got me?"

"Yeah." I smiled at him.

"Good." He said and kissed me. "Seriously. Everyone around here is too quick to become a martyr."

"Look at our track record, Dean." I told him. "Something is bound to go wrong."

"I know." He said pacing away from me before stepping up to me again, putting his hands on the hood of the car on either side of me. "But we're going to be okay. We've survived everything so far. We'll survive everything that gets thrown at us."

"I know." I smiled taking is head in my hands. "Doesn't change the fact that I love you."

"I love you too. But I'm not going to say it just in case something might happen. I'm saying it because it's true. It's been true for years and it's never going to change." He explained.

"I know that too." I smiled and kissed him deeply. "We just have to get Sam through this and then we'll be okay."

"Ready to go back?" Dean asked.

"Only if he's not screaming." I replied sadly.

"We won't know unless we go back." He stated.

"Fine." I sighed and slid off of the hood.

"Didn't we just declare that everything was going to be okay?" He asked with a slightly annoyed tone.

"Yeah?" I frowned at him.

"So stop with the tone and just help me get through this." He told me sternly.

"Well look at you all demanding and everything." I smiled at him.

"Get used to it." He smiled before kissing me hard.

Going back to the house, it was quiet. Finding Bobby in the study, he smiled sadly at the pair of us. Smiling back, I stepped up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He hugged me tightly, letting out a heavy sigh into my neck. Tears filled my eyes as I gripped him tighter. Then the screaming started from downstairs again. Tensing, Bobby rubbed my back reassuringly before releasing me. Sighing heavily, I ran my fingers through my hair, watching Bobby pour us all a drink, downing it before waiting for another. Taking it to the couch, I sat down, trying to ignore the screaming.

"Maybe I'll cut my hair." I told them, the first thought I had and I'd talk about anything to drown out Sam.

"No. I like it long." Dean told me as he sat next to me.

"But it needs to be re-layered." I told him.

"It's looks good just the way it is." He said trailing his fingers through my hair.

"It's starting to get in the way." I smiled at him. "Especially when we're running for our lives."

"Tie it back more."

"I like it down. It's all wavy and makes me feel pretty."

"So why do you want to cut it?" Dean frowned.

"Because it'll still be pretty if I cut it. And the waves will spiral a little better if it's shorter." I explained.

"How many inches are we talkin' about?" He asked.

"Are you seriously having this conversation?" Bobby frowned at us.

"It's distracting." I told him, downing the small amount of liquor in my glass before holding it out to him.

"I'm sure we can talk about something else while we wait for Sam to dry out." He said pouring more of the amber liquid into the glass.

Dean stood and went to the doorway, listening to his brothers screams. Downing the glass a third time I asked for more, Bobby fully filling the glass this time. He looked at me with a slightly worried expression. I just shrugged and moved to Dean's side, wrapping my arm around him as I sipped my drink.

"How long is this gonna go on?" Dean asked, even though we all knew we didn't know the answer.

"Here, let me look it up in my demon-detox manual. Oh, wait. No one ever wrote one." Bobby replied. Dean sighed. "No telling how long it'll take. Hell, or if Sam will even live through it." He said and the phone rings. Looking at Dean, I smiled as he walked back to the couch. "Hello?"

"It's gonna be okay." I told him.

"I know." He smiled.

"Suck dirt and die, Rufus. You call me again, I'll kill you." Bobby said and hung up the phone.

"What's up with Rufus?" Dean asked him.

"He knows." Bobby replied as the phone rings again. "I'm busy, you son of a bitch. This better be important."

Judging by the look on his face, whatever Rufus was telling him was very important. As soon as he hung up the phone he was at work. Watching him for several minutes, I finally stepped up to him.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

He didn't say anything as papers were printed.

"Bobby." I frowned.

"The news. The news ain't good." He finally said and handed the papers to Dean.

"This is what Rufus called about? 'Key West sees 10 species go extinct.'" Dean frowned.

Frowning for only a second before I realized what it meant. "Holy shit." I said and looked at Bobby.

"Yep. Plus Alaska. Fifteen-men fishing crew all stricken blind, cause unknown. New York, teacher goes postal, locks the door, kills exactly 66 kids. All this in a single day. I looked them up. There's no doubt about it. They're all seals. Breaking, fast."

"How many are left?" Dean asked.

"Who knows? Can't be many. Where the hell are your angel pals?" Bobby asked him. "You ever hear from Cass?" He asked me.

"You tell me." Dean replied.

"No, I don't." I told him.

"I'm just wondering." Bobby said.

"What?" Dean frowned.

"The apocalypse being nigh and all…is now really the right time to be having this little domestic drama of ours?" Bobby told Dean gently.

"Bobby." I shot at him.

"What do you mean?" Dean frowned.

"Well, I don't like this any more than you do but…Sam can kill demons. He's got a shot at stopping Armageddon." Our father figure explained.

"So what? Sacrifice Sam's life…his soul, for the greater good?" He said stepping up to Bobby. "Is that what you're saying? Times are bad, so let's use Sam as a nuclear warhead?"

"Look…I know you hate me for suggesting it. I hate me for suggesting it. I love that boy like a son. All I'm saying is maybe he's here right now…instead of on the battlefield because we love him too much."

"That's not a bad thing, Bobby." I frowned at him, making a triangle. "He needs our help. If we don't give it to him now we might be too late." Dean didn't say anything, he just walked away, slamming the door as he left the house. "Nice going." I frowned at Bobby.

"What did I do?" He asked all innocent like.

"You basically suggested the one thing he is most against."

"I told you I hated myself for even suggesting it." He stated.

"I hate you too." I frowned and went after Dean.

Finding him, I stayed back as I listened to him call for our angel. He was screaming Cass's name. But the angel didn't come. Sighing, I stepped forward. He kept calling until he turned around and saw me. He shrugged at me, looking rather hopeless as he did. Smiling at him sadly, I stepped up to him, taking his hands in mine. Without saying anything, I lifted them to my lips, placing a kiss against both of them. Resting them against my chest, I looked up at him. He looked sad. He shouldn't have to look that sad. Releasing one of his hands, I ran my fingers down the side of his face. Put his free hand against mine, I leaned up, kissing him deeply. Putting my arms around his neck, I continued to kiss him, gripping his hair as I pressed myself as close to him as I could get.

"Thank you." He whispered when we finally parted.

"No, thank you." I replied. "You're being so strong about this."

"I can't afford not to be." He told me.

"You can." I nodded at him. "I'm right here. I'll be here for all your weak moments as well as your strong ones and everything in between. Whatever you can't be I will be for you."

"Same goes for you." He said running his fingers through my hair.

Smiling, I kissed him again, finding the ring on his left hand. He watched me twirl it gently before he did the same, bringing my hand up and placing a kiss against the metal. Now grinning, I kissed him passionately and repeatedly.

"Let's leave the angel calling for later." I told him. "Let's go have some fun."

"We don't have time for fun." He smiled at me.

"Dean, please." I said gently. "We are spinning in circles, about to fall down, and there is no stopping it. We need to cherish the good things we have. And us…we're a good thing. We should exploit it."

Grabbing my hips he pulled me against him, his lips meeting mine, his tongue tangoing with my own as he raised my body heat. Pushing me back against the nearest car, his hand reached for my pants, unbuttoning them, before sliding his hand down them. Groaning with pleasure, I continued to kiss him, waiting for him to make my head spin. Only it never came. He kissed me, gently nipping my lip, before he moved away, returning to his calling for the angel.

"Dean." I frowned as I righted my pants.

"We don't have time." He told me.

Sighing, I resigned to sitting on top of a car, listening to Dean scream himself hoarse. Even I started calling, wanting to get it over with. I didn't want to be in the house without him and I wasn't about to let him do this all on his own.

"He's not coming!" I finally yelled after we passed hour two of calling.

"Come on, Cass." Dean said as he paced.

Looking past him, I slid from the car.

Turning, Dean looked relieved as we looked at the angel. "Well, it's about time. I've been screaming myself hoarse for two and a half hours now."

"What do you want?" Cass asked.

Stepping next to Dean, I smiled at Cass before looking up at my husband. "You can start with what happened in Illinois." Dean told him.

"What do you mean?"

"Cut the crap. You were gonna tell me something." Dean replied.

"Well, nothing of import." Cass replied casually.

"You got ass-reamed in heaven but it was not of import?" Dean frowned at him.

"Whatever it was changed you." I commented.

"Dean, I can't. I'm sorry." Cass told him sadly. "Get to the reason you really called me. It's about Sam, right?"

"Can he do it? Kill Lilith, stop the apocalypse?" Dean asked.

"Possibly, yes." He confirmed. My stomach dropped at his words. "But as you know…he'd have to take certain steps."

"Crank up the hell-blood regimen." Dean stated.

"Consuming the amount it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever." Dean remained silent as he looked at Cass. "Most likely, he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill."

"What about me?" I asked. "Could I do it too if I took the same steps?"

"Yes." Cass replied but his tone grew dark.

"I've only ever done it once, but is it possible to do it without drinking demon blood? There must be another way to tap into what Azazel did to us." I asked.

"I don't believe so." He replied.

Dean was pacing behind us, his face as worried and frustrated as ever. "Baby?" I said grabbing his arm.

"There's no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean." Cass told him. "We believe it's you, Dean. Not your brother. The only question for us is whether you're willing to accept it. Stand up and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it."

"What are you talking about?" I frowned at Cass, stepping in front of Dean protectively. "He's not going to do anything."

"It's Dean's decision." Cass told me.

"If I do this…Sammy doesn't have to?" Dean asked the angel, stepping from behind me.

"If it gives you comfort to see it that way." Cass replied.

"Dean, you don't have to pledge anything to them." I said taking his hand.

"God, you're a dick these days." Dean told Cass before he paced away from him, still holding onto my hand. Turning back to the angel he told him, "Fine, I'm in."

"You give yourself over wholly to the service of God and his angels?" Cass asked him.

"Yeah, exactly." Dean told him, his back to the angel.

"Say it."

"Cass." I frowned. "Dean, I don't like it." I said gripping Dean's hand.

Turning back to the angel, he stepped toward him, letting go of my hand. "I give myself over wholly…to serve God…and you guys."

"You swear to follow His will and His word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's?"

Dean eyed him with an expression of near disbelief, "Yes, I swear. Now what?"

"Now you wait…and we call on you when it's time." Cass told him. He looked at me, almost expecting me to second Dean's expression.

"I'm not swearing anything to you." I told him.

"It was good seeing you." He said giving me a subtle bow of his head before he disappeared.

"Why did you do that?" I asked Dean.

"If it saves Sam…" He replied.

"He may already be lost!" I yelled. "You were the one who said we shouldn't be martyrs and you just signed yourself up to be first in line." I yelled smacking his chest. "You're being a hypocrite!"

"It's for Sam!" He yelled at me.

"Fine." I said giving in. I didn't want to argue with him. It was already done. There was no getting out of it now. "It's for Sam." I repeated before walking away from him. "It's always for Sam."

"Evy." He called after me. "Evy!"

"It's fine!" I called back without looking at him.

* * *

><p>Sitting in the center of the bed upstairs, I could only faintly hear Sam's cries, easily ignoring it from the loudness of my own thoughts. I hadn't been alone long when Dean came in, standing at the end of the bed. He didn't say anything and I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I'd like just one positive thing to happen today. But I was pretty sure that that was not going to happen. Especially with the look Dean had on his face. Something happened. We were both just waiting for the other to talk first.<p>

"Did you tell Bobby?" I asked finally breaking the silence.

"Yeah. He was pissed." He replied.

"He has every right to be." I stated.

"I didn't have a choice." He frowned at me.

"There is always a choice." I frowned back at him.

There was another long silence before he sighed, coming around the bed and sitting on the edge, his leg resting against mine.

"We had to tie up Sammy." He told me.

"What?" I said my head shooting up. "What happened?"

"Just the blood taking its toll on him." He told me.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"I don't know." He said shaking his head. "But I think I'm doing the right thing." He said looking at me. "Bobby doesn't agree with me. He doesn't think we should be doing this now. Putting our biggest weapon on the sidelines with Armageddon looming over us. But I truly believe that I am right."

"I never doubted you, Dean." I said shaking my head.

"Bobby thinks we're killing him." He told me, looking at his hands.

"Did he say that?" I frowned. Dean nodded. "He's wrong."

"Is he?" Dean asked turning, folding his leg so it rested against mine, facing each other.

"What you're doing for Sam is one of the bravest things I've seen you do." I told him. "It's hard. It's painful. But if I were Sam, despite everything I'd say or do, I'd want you to do the same thing for me. It might seem horrible now but, once he's through it, they'll both see that it was for the best." Dean nodded but looked unconvinced. "Dean." I said taking his hands in mine. "I believe in you. You're doing the right thing. No matter what Bobby says. Sam needs our help and giving him more blood isn't going to do anything but hurt him, change him, do whatever it does to him. Don't beat yourself up over this. Promise me."

"I promise." He said meeting my eyes.

"It's going to be okay." I said now taking his head in my hands, putting my forehead against his.

Nodding, he put his hands on my face, gently caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. Leaning in, he kissed me passionately. Moving to his knee, laying me back on the bed, he continued to kiss me as his hand moved under my shirt. Before I had been playful in my attempt for sex. Now he needed the comfort of it. The distraction. Pulling off all my clothes, he did the same, pulling the covers down from under me, lifting me up against him. Gripping the muscles along his back, I kissed him deeply. Breathing hard, I shut the bedside lamp off, plunging us into darkness, letting him have his way.

* * *

><p>Lying in Dean's arms, I gently trailed my fingers up and down his forearm with one hand, my fingers laced with his with the other. Shifting, moving slightly away from him, I rolled so I could look at him. He looked peaceful. Putting my hand on his chest, I felt his heartbeat, the feeling causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. Sliding my hand to his face, I caressed his cheek. Mouthing 'I love you' to him, even in sleep, he took a deep breath and told me he loved me too. Smiling, I ever so gently kissed his lips before slipping out of bed. Putting on a shirt and sweats, I went downstairs to get some water. Standing at the sink, I guzzled the first glass before starting to sip a second. Then I heard the floorboards creak behind me, recognizing the steps that accompanied them. Pretending I heard nothing, I waited till there was the very subtle sound of Sam slipping out of the house. Waiting only a half-minute longer, I grabbed the bat by the door before I let myself out of the house, seeing him hotwiring Bobby's car.<p>

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Evy." He said whipping around.

"How did you get out?"

"I'm not going back in." He stated.

"It's for the best." I told him.

"No." He told me shaking his head.

"Sammy, we just want to protect you." I told him sadly.

"I can protect myself." He stated.

"No, you can't." I said shaking my head. "You don't even know the difference between right and wrong anymore."

"I'm not going back in there." He told me again.

"Please, Sammy." I said stepping up to him.

"Put it down." He ordered.

Shaking my head, I looked at him sadly before trying to stop him by force. He overpowered me after the first few attempts, grabbing the bat from my hands, striking me across the side of my head, knocking me unconscious.

Coming to, I found myself on the couch in the study, alone. Tears sprang to my eyes as I put my hand to my head, a throbbing pain pulsing. Sitting up, I swung my legs over the edge of the couch, putting my head in my hands. Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, I attempted to hide the tears, but when Dean came into the room it was obvious and I couldn't help tears that started to fall as soon as he looked at me.

"Baby." He said as he came and sat next to me. Shaking my head, he leaned back against the couch, pulling me against his chest. "It's going to be okay."

"How'd he get out?" I asked as I sat up again, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"We don't know." Dean said helping me, gently wiping the tears from my cheeks with his thumb.

"Was it Ruby?" I asked taking his hand in mine.

"Maybe." He nodded.

"We going after him?" I asked.

"Of course." Dean replied. "We just have to figure out where he went."

We started the search for him, waiting for something to pop up. Bobby had reported his stolen car, hoping that wherever it popped up would lead us to Sam. Dean passed the time fine tuning the car, while I sat and watched in between research sessions and phone calls to anyone and everyone we know. I even made a call to someone I hadn't talked to in a very long time.

"Ellen?" I said when she answered the phone.

"Well, my, my, my, Evy Winchester." She smiled into the phone.

"How are you?" I asked.

"It's been quiet at the moment. What's up?" She replied.

"Just looking for someone to talk to." I told her. "Things have kinda gone to hell again."

"Alright, let's get it over with."

Taking a deep breath, I filled her in on everything that had happened since we had talked last. It felt like ages and even I was surprised when I found myself going on and on. We were bad about keeping in touch with our friends, leaving several things that needed to be said. She was quiet as I talked, giving her a quick synopsis of what the last year had been, leaving out only the things that I thought should be kept in the dark. Things mostly about Sam. It was nice talking to a woman. My life had so many men in it that I had forgotten what it felt like. When I was done, I wasn't sure what to expect, but she always delivered.

"How many times do I have to tell you to pick up the phone and call me?" She scolded.

"I know." I replied.

"You know but you never do it." She stated.

"I know." I repeated. "But I have been busy."

"Seems to me that you've had plenty of time to call and just never do."

"True. But I honestly don't always think of it when things happen."

"You're in a love triangle and another woman to talk to just doesn't come to mind?" She asked.

"I guess not." I smiled.

"You are a crazy bitch, you know that?"

Laughing, I nodded, realizing how much I had missed her. "I do. I do know that."

"But I was right." She stated. "You're back with Dean and everything is better."

"It's getting there. Life has had its up and downs. But yes, I am with Dean just as I should have been from the beginning."

"Sometimes we have to make mistakes in order to see what we have. Dean was never going anywhere. He loves you too damn much."

"I know." I smiled. "I was horrible to him and all he wanted was to give me everything I've ever wanted. And he has."

"How's Sam?" She asked.

"On his own at the moment." I told her. "We're attempting to track him down. There were some words and now he's taken off."

"With Dean?"

"With all of us. We weren't thinking he'd take off but he did. So if you happen to come across him or hear of him will you let us know?"

"Of course. What were you all fighting about?"

"His decisions." I told her.

"Hmph. Clearly there's something you're not sayin' and I'm not pushin' but when you're ready…"

"I'll call. I promise." I told her. "Thank you." Dean came in and sat next to me on the couch. "Listen, I gotta go. But I'll be talking to you soon."

"Take care, kid." She smiled.

"Likewise." I smiled before hanging up the phone. "Ellen." I told Dean as he looked at me questioningly.

"You called her?" He asked.

"I do every once in a while." I told him. "She's pissed at you, by the way."

"Why?" He frowned.

"You never called and told her you were alive. She's pretty bent about it."

"Yeah, well, I've been busy." He stated.

"I know." I said kissing his cheek. "How are you doing?"

"Still worried." He replied.

"I've got the word out to the hunters we can trust. If anyone sees him they'll let us know."

"Okay." He nodded.

"Police found my car." Bobby said coming into the room. "Abandoned in an alley in Jamestown, North Dakota."

"He's switching up. Any other cars stolen in Jamestown?" Dean replied standing.

"Two. 1999 Honda Civic, blue. Nice and anonymous, just like Sam likes." Bobby replied.

"What was the other one?" Dean asked.

"White '05 Escalade with custom rims. It's a neon sign."

"You're right. He'd never take that. Which is exactly what he did."

"You think?"

"Yup." I stated finished the beer in my hands.

"I know that kid. I'll head in that direction. You stay here, ride the police databases. We gotta find him quick." Dean told him.

"Time to go." I said and ran my hand across Dean's chest before leaving the room.

Quickly packing our things, I rejoined the men outside by the Impala. Tossing our bags in the back, I leaned against the car at Dean's side. He leaned against me as Bobby and him talked maps.

"Be careful." Bobby said but looked at me.

"We'll be okay." I replied hugging him tightly. "We'll find him and get him back here in one piece."

"I hope so." He replied.

"Come on, Evy, let's go." Dean said rubbing my back.

Smiling at Bobby, I got into the car, smiling at Dean as I buckled up. Dean felt distant as we rushed off in Sam's direction. There was no doubt in my mind that Ruby wasn't with him. Even if it wasn't her who had freed him, he would have called her by now. Called her and would have already drunk her blood. He believed that if he drank enough he would have the power to kill Lilith. We all wanted her dead but there were other ways of doing it. He didn't have to change himself in order to make it happen. He was my brother. He was family. We'd do everything we could to keep him safe. Even if that meant from himself.

"What are you thinking?" I asked Dean.

"What I'm going to say or do once we find him." He said taking my hand.

"It's going to be okay." I told him. "He'll be okay." Dean simply nodded. "We can't push him away." I told him after a moment of silence. He didn't say anything. "In order to get him back, Dean, we can't push him away."

For a moment he looked at me. I was waiting for him to say something, almost thought he was, when his phone rang. "Bobby." He said answering it. "How far away are we?" He asked after a moment. "It's a good place to look." After a moment he said, "What?" His tone darker than usual. I wished I could hear what Bobby was telling him. "Right." He said at one point. Only a few moments later he hung up the phone.

"What did he say?" I asked.

"We're going to Cold Spring." He replied. "We're a couple hours out."

Grabbing a map, I found it telling him which way to go. "What else did he tell you?" I asked him cautiously.

"Same thing you did." He replied before turning up the radio.

Sighing, I took his hand back, holding it tightly as we drove. I knew that he would drive Sam away if he didn't stop with the blood. If he didn't allow Dean to kill Ruby. As long as she was in the picture, Dean wouldn't forgive him. Wouldn't allow anything to return to the way it was. But I knew that there was no going back. We could only look forward. Right now it wasn't looking very good for Sam.

We tracked Sam down to a fancier hotel, finding that he had rented the honeymoon suite. Dean stood around a corner as Sam left the room. Dean was ready for anything. As soon as Sam was out of sight, Dean moved forward, the demon knife in hand. Opening the door, I stayed back as Dean immediately rushed Ruby, wanting it over as soon as we could. Ruby fought back, hitting Dean several times before he got the upper hand on her. It was going to be over soon. Then the door burst open and Sam came in.

"Sam!" I yelled trying to hold him back.

"Dean! Stop!" He yelled at his brother.

"No, Sam!" I yelled shoving him.

He turned and punched me across the cheek. It wasn't as hard as he could have, but it was enough to send me to the floor. Looking up, I saw Sam shove his brother away, saving the demon.

"No. Let her go. Just take it easy." Sam told his brother as he took the knife.

"Well, it must've been some party you two had going…considering how hard you tried to keep me from crashing it. Well, solid try…but here I am." Dean told him.

"Dean, I'm glad you're here. Look. Let's just talk about this." Sam told his brother.

"Soon as she's dead, we can talk all you want." Dean replied forcedly.

"Ruby, get out of here." Sam told her.

"Over my dead body." I frowned at him, far enough away that he wouldn't be able to stop both of us.

"No, she's not going anywhere." Dean said but Sam stayed in front of him.

Looking at Ruby, she met my eyes giving me a satisfied smiled before she slipped out of the room. A second later I was out the door behind her. She was barely half way down the hall when I caught up to her, tackling her to the floor. She elbowed me in the face, causing me to stumble backward. Before I could recover she punched my abdomen, kneeing my face, forcing me to fall onto my back. She moved to slam her heel into my face, though I caught it, twisting her off balance and onto the floor. Getting to my feet, I gripped her hair, pulling her to her feet. Turning her, punching her face several times, placing a roundhouse against the side of her head. She slammed into the wall. Grabbing her hair I continuously slammed her head against it until I threw her to the ground. She stood, grinning at me, before she punching me hard across the cheekbone. We continued fighting, both inflicting maximum damages. Soon I heard fighting from inside the room as well. Dean had failed in talking his brother out of whatever he had going on. There was a massive crash before there was silence. Punching Ruby, I took several steps away from her, uneasy about the quiet.

"It's too quiet." Ruby grinned. "My Sam must have gotten the upper hand."

I just looked at her before I turned and ran back into the room. Panic coursed through me as I witnessed Sam strangling his brother on the floor. Rushing forward, I threw myself at Sam, but he didn't move. Gripping his arms, I tried to force his hands off of my husband.

"Sam!" I screamed, fighting the panic as Dean's eyes started to roll back into his skull. "Oh God! Sam, stop it!"

In the last moment, Sam let him go. Dragging him backward, I shoved him away. Standing in front of Dean defensively, I glared at Sam. He looked at me before looking at his brother. "You don't know me. You never did. And you never will." Sam said before meeting my eyes.

"Who are you?" I asked, my words dripping with disdain.

"You walk out that door…don't you ever come back." Dean told him.

Even I couldn't fight him on this one. Sam wasn't Sam anymore. Sam just looked at us before walking out the door. Turning to Dean, I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes as I beheld him. Kneeling behind him, I gently lifted him into my arms. Holding his head against me, I cried. We'd lost him. I feared he'd never come back. Not from this. He had betrayed everything we believed in. He had betrayed us.


	45. Epilogue

_**Chapter Forty-five: Epilogue**_

Dean was reclined in the passenger seat as I drove back to Bobby's. He was hurt. Not only physically but mentally as well. Sam had chosen a demon over his own family. He had tried to kill Dean. Tried to _kill_ him. As far as lines went, Sam had crossed far over onto the wrong side. He'd gone dark side. All Dean and I wanted was to protect him. To protect him from whatever came his way. But we couldn't, and now he was with a demon doing God knows what. All I knew is that it wasn't good. None of it was good and this was going to end very badly.

"Go on upstairs, I'll be up in a minute." I told Dean when we walked into the house.

"What happened?" Bobby asked after Dean was out of sight. "You both look like shit."

"He chose Ruby." I told him, crossing my arms as I attempted not to cry. "He chose that demon whore and tried to kill his own brother. He's gone, Bobby. The Sam we know is gone."

"Jesus." He said and pulled me into his arms.

For a moment I embraced him. Long enough for me to put my emotions back in check. Nodding at him, I took a deep breath before walking upstairs. Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking very much defeated. Taking his hands in mine, I pulled him to his feet, leading him to the bathroom. Locking the door behind us, I turned on the water, letting the room start to steam up. Standing him in front of me, I unbuttoned his shirt, slipping it off of his shoulders. Slowly pulling his t-shirt up, I pulled it over his head. His eyes were on me the entire time. Meeting them for a moment, I undid his pants before sliding them to the floor, showing off his boxer-briefs. They went down next, leaving him naked and vulnerable in front of me. Running my hands across his chest, I moved behind him, seeing the fresh bruises and small cuts. Trailing kisses along his shoulder blades, I wrapped my arms around him. He put his arm over mine, our fingers lacing. Resting my head against his back, I took a deep breath. Letting him go, I moved around him again, pulling my clothes off as I did. His eyes moved up and down my body, his fingers caressing the wounds on my skin as I finished. Stepping against him, I moved up onto my toes, my hand finding the back of his head as my lips moved against his. He kissed me deeply before moving me toward the shower. Stepping in, I drew the curtain before moving him under the water, continuously kissing him, my hands moving up and down his body. His hands pulled me closer, moving his arms around me to pin me there. It didn't go any further than that. His hands were on me as I gently cleaned the blood from him, always having skin contact. When I was done, I took his head in my hands, gently running them down the sides of his head. Then I took his hand in mine, tenderly sucking on each finger before moving to the other hand.

"All clean." I told him softly. He leaned his forehead against mine, heaving a heavy sigh. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I pressed myself against him. "It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. We'll get him back. We'll get our Sammy back."

He nodded but didn't say anything. Sighing, I shut the water off before wrapping a towel around him. Doing the same to myself, I took his hand as I led him back to the room. He was distant. Whatever was going through my head was twice as bad in his. His brother had turned against him and now we were at the brink of another apocalypse. Handing him clothes, I watched him slowly dress as I did the same.

"Dean?" I said when I was done, sitting on the chest in front of the bed. He just looked at me. "Will you be completely honest with me if I ask you something?" I continued.

"I'm fine." He said quickly, reading my thoughts.

"Why don't I believe you?" I sighed.

"Because all you do is worry." He stated, kissing me quickly.

"Don't brush this off, Dean. Not this one." I frowned at him.

"I'm fine." He repeated sitting next to me.

"Well, I'm not." I frowned harder at him. "I watched him strangle you. We need to talk about it."

"I don't wanna talk about it." He told me. "I don't want to think about it. Sam made his choice."

"He doesn't know what he's doing. You said it yourself, she's poisoning him."

"He still left with her." He said looking at me.

"Then we have to take him back." I stated.

"I don't know if we can." He replied sadly.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him. Running my hand down the back of his head, I pulled him to me, kissing him sweetly. He stood up, placing a kiss in my hair before he left the room. Taking a deep breath, I laced my hands, letting silent tears fall. I knew that Bobby was going to have his turn at Dean. I didn't need to hear it all again.

"Cass…" I said softly. "Please watch over them. For both their sakes, please keep them safe. And God? Please forgive any sins we have committed. Forgive us for the paths we choose whether they be of righteousness or wickedness. Please guide us in the right direction and allow us to find each other despite everything that we must face. Protect us from harm as we attempt to defeat the evil that has begun to rain down like fire. We will do everything we can to take care of the world you created for us. To save it from the demons that walk among us and to stop those that fight to break free and cause harm. We will be the greater good that will protect your creation. All I ask is that you protect us. We will do your will but we need you to be there holding our hands, keeping us safe from the worst harm to come at us. I don't ask this for myself. I ask this for Dean. For Sam. They are indispensable to the safety of the world. But if you can fit me in, I won't complain." I said and paused. "Thank you…or…you know…amen." I finished and looked at my hands. Then there was a fluttering sound and I looked up to see Cass standing before me. "Cass…hi…"

"Hello." He replied.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"You sounded so defeated. I felt the need to see you." He told me. Nodding at him, I stood and moved to him, putting my arms around him. "Everything will work out in the end."

"Are we all going to be all right?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"You promise?"

"I promise." He said though I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear.

"Thank you." I told him, even though I was now dreading whatever was going to happen next. Letting him go, I took his head in my hands. "I need to go check on Dean and Bobby." He nodded at me. "Thank you for coming."

"I am always here for you and for your family." He replied.

"Thank you." I said and kissed his cheek.

Pulling me against him, he put his lips against my ear. "Love you." He whispered.

"Love you too." I whispered back.

"It will work out." He told me as he let me go.

"Thank you." I told him again. "For everything."

Cass disappeared and I slowly made my way downstairs.

"Dean? Dean. You listen to a word I said?" Bobby asked him, an annoyed tone to his voice.

"Yeah, I heard you. I'm not calling him." Dean replied.

"What are we talking about?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Bobby here wants me to call Sam. Try and pretend like it's all okay." Dean told me.

"Don't make me get my gun, boy." Bobby told Dean.

"We are damn near kickoff for Armageddon. Don't you think we got bigger fish at the moment?" He frowned and turned to Bobby.

Bobby tried to reason with him, "I know you're pissed and I'm not making apologies. But he's your—"

"Blood?" Dean interrupted. "He's my blood? Is that what you're gonna say?"

"He's your brother and he's drowning." Bobby told him.

"Bobby, I tried to help him. I did. Look what happened." Dean replied.

"You weren't there, Bobby. You didn't see him." I added.

"So try again." Bobby told us.

"No, it's too late." Dean said shaking his head. I couldn't help the sad look that crossed my face when I looked at him.

"There's no such thing." Bobby stated.

"No, damn it. No." Dean said sadly. He truly had given up. I couldn't blame him but at the same time there was a twinge of hope that was still holding on inside of me. "We gotta face the facts. Sam never wanted part of this family. He hated this life growing up. Ran away to Stanford first chance he got. Now it's like déjà vu all over again. Well, I am sick…and tired of chasing him. Screw him. He can do what he wants."

"Ah, baby." I said putting my hand on his back.

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do, Bobby. Sam's gone. He's gone. I'm not even sure if he's still my brother anymore. If he ever was."

"Now it's my turn." I told him, frowning. "You don't mean that."

"Evy…" He said gently shaking his head at me.

"He's your _brother_. Your _brother_!" I replied stepping in front of him. "He has always been your brother and he will always be your brother. Just because this is happening does not make him any less family. Yes, he's doing something terrible, but we are obligated to take care of him. He needs us."

"It's too late, Evy. It's just…" He sighed and paused. "It just is."

"Stop it." I said as emotion started to rise in my throat.

The next thing I knew Bobby had swiped everything off of his desk. Then he whipped around so fast I jumped and stepped away from them.

"You stupid, stupid son of a bitch! Well, boohoo, I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess." Bobby shot at him. "You under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good? Bake you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!"

"I told him, "You walk out that door, don't come back." And he walked out anyway. That was his choice." Dean countered.

"You sound like a whiny brat." Bobby told him before he walked away, going toward the window. "No. You sound like your dad. Well, let me tell you something. Your dad was a coward."

"How dare you?" I frowned at Bobby.

Dean mirrored my expression as he turned back to Bobby. "My dad was a lot of things, but a coward?"

"He'd rather push Sam away than to reach out to him. Well, that don't strike me as brave. You are a better man than your daddy ever was." He told him, making him scoff. "So you do both of us a favor. Don't be him."

Dean turned away from him. Once it was said, I couldn't help but think Bobby was right. "Dean…"

"Don't you start in on me too." He said meeting my eyes.

"He's Sam." I told him. He turned away from me. Sighing, I went to move against his side, but before I could reach him he was gone, disappearing from the room. "What the—?" I said searching the room. "Dean! Bobby, what the hell just happened? Where is he?!"

"I don't know." He said looking around the room in shock.

Looking at him only a moment more, I dashed out of the room, slamming into the front door because I couldn't open it fast enough. Pulling it open, I rushed out into the yard, taking a deep breath before I screamed Cass's name.

"PLEASE!" I screamed. "CASS! I need your help!" Nothing happened. "Cass, I need you. It's the angels, isn't it? They took him. They took him and now what am I supposed to do? I can't fight the angels for Dean along with Ruby for Sam. I don't have the energy or the resources. How do I fix this?" Again, nothing happened. "I prayed to God to help me and instead he took the two people I care about the most. What do I do now?" Everything remained silent. Dropping to my knees, I wrapped my arms around myself, not having the slightest idea what to do next.

* * *

><p>Sitting at Bobby's desk, I rummaged through all of his books, his notebooks, his journal, everything. I looked through everything and there was nothing there to help me. Nothing there to tell me where Dean was or to find someone who would. There was nothing. The angels had taken what they wanted and there was nothing I could do to take it back. In a moment of frustration, I swiped everything from the desk. Then I moved to the rest of the room, forcibly clearing tables before turning them upside down, shattering a nearby lamp, screaming till I was hoarse before falling to my knees in the center of the mess I'd made. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I sat on my heels, my hands resting in my lap as I stared at them. Soon I heard footsteps, looking up to see Bobby leaning in the doorway.<p>

"You know, I just cleaned this room up." He told me.

More tears fell down my cheeks but I smiled at him. "What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, darlin'. I just don't know." He said and heaved a heavy sigh.

"I can't just do nothing." I told him, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I stood up.

"So what are you gonna do?" Bobby asked as I swiftly moved upstairs.

"I'm going to go find someone who can help." I replied.

"Like who?" He asked following me.

"I don't know!" I yelled at him. "There are no books for this, Bobby! I have no idea who to call, or what to do! All I know is that my family is being ripped apart and I will not sit idly by and let it stay that way!"

"It's not up to you to save everyone!" Bobby shot at me.

"Then who is it?" I shot back. "Who is going to save us if I don't?"

"It'll work itself out." He told me. "I'll help you but you can't fix everything."

"I'll do the best I can." I said as I shoved things into my bag.

"I'll go with you." He said and moved to leave the room.

"No!" I yelled at him. "You need to stay here in case something happens. If they reappear you need to let me know. If Cass shows up or any other angels show up I need to know. But I can't just sit here and wait. I need to do something, _anything_. So I'm going to go."

"Go where?" He said grabbing my arms.

"Everywhere." I told him. "I won't stop until I find someone who will help me."

"Alright." He finally nodded.

"Okay." I said putting my hand on his face before grabbing my bag.

I was out the door and in the Impala before Bobby could say anything else to me. Speeding off without a second look back. I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know who I was going to find. All I knew was that I needed to try. I'd played this game before. I'd tried to bring Dean back from Hell and I had failed. I couldn't fail this time. I just…I couldn't. There had to be someone out there with the knowledge and will to help. Someone. Anyone.

"I don't know what to tell you." Rick told me. "I wish I could help but I don't keep up on this stuff."

"I'm sorry." I told him. "I just…I'm not leaving any stone unturned. I'm finding everyone. You may not follow it but you hear things."

"So you came here first?" He frowned at me.

Shaking my head I just shrugged at him. "I don't know where to go." I whispered to him. "I don't know what to do. I'm out of my league here. But I will do anything and everything in my power to find him." He smiled at me. "What could you possibly be smiling for?"

"It's nice to see you back with Dean, that's all." He told me.

"You missed the part where I lost him." I frowned back at him.

"You didn't lose him. He was taken. There's a difference." He scolded. "And the effort you're putting in to finding him says a lot."

"Thank you." I told him. "For everything. You've been a really good friend."

"Everyone needs a friend." He smiled.

"I really appreciate it. I don't say it enough, but it's true." I added.

"I know." He nodded.

"And I need to say it." I said holding my hand out to him.

He took it, squeezing it hard. "You're going to find him."

"I know." I said finally smiling. "We always find each other. One way or another."

"Which is code for true love." He grinned at me.

Smiling, I leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Thank you. But I better keep moving. Gotta find a way to Dean before it's too late."

"Good luck." He said standing so he could embrace me.

"Thanks." I smiled up at him. "If the world doesn't end, I'll look you up when it's over."

"Yeah, come for a real visit." He smiled back.

"Someday." I told him before leaving the precinct.

Getting back into the Impala, I was on the move again. Rick was only the beginning. I didn't stop with just the people I knew in the fold. I went to everyone I knew. Everyone who knew what I did. I went to Riley, to Trevor, to Bruce, to Ellen and Jo. No one knew anything that could help me. Ellen and Jo got close for a few hours but that was it. Then I was on the road again, driving to nowhere as fast as I could. The one person I had the highest hopes for was Annabelle. She of all people would have the power to do what I needed. She would have a spell or something that would take me to Dean. She had to, or I'd once again be at the beginning. The angels will have won and the world would be doomed to face whatever they had planned.

"Annabelle, this is Evy again. This is like the ninth message I've left. It is imperative that you call me back. I need your help. I'm serious, Annabelle. I _need_ your help." I said and paused, sighing. "Thank you. Call me." I finished and hung up the phone, tossing it into the seat next to me. "Where are you, Annabelle? And Cass? Give me back my husband." Then my phone rang, practically making me swerve off the road as I moved to grab it. "Annabelle?"

"Evy." Dean's voice filled my ear.

"Baby." I said hitting the breaks, moving the car to the shoulder. "Where are you?"

"I don't know." He told me. "Some elegant room that belongs to the angels."

"What can you tell me? I'm trying to find you." I told him quickly.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"I'm in the middle of Minnesota right now." I told him.

"Where are you going?" He asked, I could hear the frown in his voice. "You aren't doing anything stupid are you?"

"No!" I frowned into the phone. "I'm trying to find you. I'm just going through all my resources to do it."

"Just…go back to Bobby's." He told me.

"Dean, no. I need to find you." I replied as tears filled my eyes. "Every time something happens I end up losing you. This whole thing is so out of control. What am I supposed to do? Just wait?"

"Yes."

"No!"

"I'll figure it out. Just…let me do it." He told me gently.

"I need you, Dean. I need you."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be fine. I just need to get Cass here and I'll figure something out."

"You haven't seen him?"

"No."

"What are you going to do? If it wasn't Cass then its Zachariah and he's never going to let you do anything."

"I know." He said sadly.

"I just…I just wish I was with you." I told him, the tears brimming again.

"It's going to be okay." He told me.

"How?" I asked. "Sam's gone dark side and you're basically missing. How is it going to be okay?"

"I don't know." He scoffed. "But it will be."

"I hope you're right." I sighed.

"They a—they have my favorite beer and burgers here." He told me, a smile in his voice.

"Seriously?" I smiled.

"Yeah, apparently they want me to be comfortable."

"Of course they do. Then you'll do what they want you to do." I told him.

"Maybe. It's almost tempting but I'm trying to hold my composure. Not give in to the sons of bitches."

"Stay strong." I smiled. "I'll be seeing you soon."

"I hope so." He replied.

Then the line went dead. "Dean?" I said urgently. "Dean! Shit!"

Throwing the phone, it bounced off the dash before flying between the passenger seat and door. Gripping the steering wheel, I took several deep calming breaths. The only thought in my head now was that I didn't say 'I love you' before the phone cut out. Then the phone was ringing again. Fighting the seatbelt I fumbled for the phone, whipping it open at the last moment.

"Dean!"

"Evelyn?"

"Annabelle! Where are you?" I shot into the phone.

"What's going on?"

"Tell me where you are. I'm coming to you. Then I'll explain everything."

"Meet me at Bobby's." She told me. "It'll take less time."

"Hurry." I said and hung up the phone.

Turning the car around, I sped back to Bobby's. Overdoing it, I ran from the cops once before I managed to get into South Dakota. My mind was moving so fast it was hard to focus on the road. Dean was trapped in an angel room, Sam was more than likely amping up on demon blood, and I felt like I was finally going to get the help I was so desperately looking for.

"What's going on?" Bobby asked as I barreled through the door.

"Is she here yet?" I asked him.

"Who?" He frowned.

"I'm here." Annabelle said coming through the door. "What's going on?"

"You need to send me to Dean." I told her. "We should have everything you might need here. It needs to be as soon as possible though."

"What's happening?" She asked again.

"Dean's been taken by the angels, Sam's off drinking demon blood, and I'm stuck here." I explained.

"Why would they take Dean?" She frowned.

"He swore he would help the angels when the time came. They took him as a sort of…collateral." I told her.

"Okay." She nodded.

"Are you telling me that you can do this?" I asked her.

"Give me your ring." She told me and I quickly handed it over. Closing her eyes, she took a moment before opening them again, looking at me determinedly. "Alright, let's get moving."

"Just like that?" I asked her.

"Just like that, my friend." She smiled.

"Thank you." I smiled, before dragging her to where we kept all our supplies.

Before I knew it, we were sitting in the center of the living room, a circle of candles around us. There were papers spread out on the floor. She had found what she was looking for. There were bowls for blood, things I didn't know that she used in her work. We made an odd pair. The hunter getting help from the witch. But I was so grateful to her it didn't even matter.

"You know what to expect?" Annabelle asked me.

"Yes." I nodded. "But tell me again."

"It will be painful." She told me. "It's not like angel travel. The way I do it will be painful and disorientating."

"But it'll take me to Dean. Even if it's protected from angels, demons, and the works?"

"It'll work. It'll get you to Dean." She told me matter-of-factly.

"Okay." I nodded.

"Now, remember, your innards might hurt a bit. You might throw up some blood. Don't panic, none of it will be life threatening." She told me clearly.

"Okay." I nodded again.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

"Bring on the pain." I smiled at her.

"Evelyn Rose Winchester!" Bobby shot at me from the sidelines, making me jump.

"What?" I frowned at him.

"If you go and get yourself killed, I'll bring you back just to kill you again." He told me angrily. "You idgit."

"Love you too, Bobby." I smiled at him.

"You don't need to do this." He added. He'd been trying to talk me out of it since the second I told him who Annabelle was. He didn't approve but I was going to do anything to get to my husband. I didn't go through everything just to lose him now.

"It's Dean, Bobby." I told him. "You know I have to."

"And you wonder why –" He started but stopped.

"Why what?" I frowned at him.

"Just come back." He told me.

"I will." I smiled. "And I love you."

"Yeah, yeah, love you too." He mumbled as he left the room.

"He really does love you." Annabelle told me.

"Oh, I know." I smiled at her.

"Okay, let's do this." She said and bowed her head, starting to chant.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to relax, preparing myself for whatever was about to happen. As Annabelle chanted it was as if the room rippled at she was being placed outside of space. When the chanting stopped, I looked at Annabelle. Her head was still lowered, but her eyes shot up, looking at me through her eyelashes. I had enough time to frown my confusion before I was ripped away from the room, coming to a stop on my feet in an elegant unfamiliar room. Looking up, my eyes met Dean's, a look of shock on his face. I smiled at him, though in the next second I was gripping the edge of the table next to me, hunching over as a small amount of blood trickled from my mouth to the floor.

"Evy!" Dean exclaimed rushing to my side.

"I'm all right." I told him as I wiped the blood from my mouth. "I'm all right." I repeated as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you." He told me softly as he hugged me tightly. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

"I love you more." I smiled, taking his head in my hands before kissing him passionately.

Soon his hands were moving over me, treating our reunion as if we hadn't seen each other in weeks. Finally slowing, I kept my arms around him as I rested my forehead against his. For a moment we simply looked at each other, unable to help the smiles on our faces. Running my hand through his hair, it came to rest on his cheek, my thumb trailing back and forth across it.

"How did you get here?" He finally asked.

"Annabelle." I told him. He just shook his head. "I had to get to you. I wasn't going to stop until I did."

"You shouldn't have." He said taking my head in my hands. "But I'm glad you're here."

"I'm wherever you are." I whispered to him.

A second later his lips were against mine again. Heat radiating off the both of us. Gripping his shirt I held him tightly against me. Pressing my hands against his chest as his arms moved around me.

"How sweet." Zachariah's voice interrupted us.

"You son of a bitch." I said and lunged toward him, Dean catching me around my waist.

"Ah, yes. The firecracker." Zachariah grinned at me.

"Let him go." I told him.

"You know, I don't think I will."

"What do you want from him?" I asked. Dean sighed as he rested his head against mine. Turning in his arms, I looked at him questioningly. He shook his head at me. "What is it?" I finally asked him.

"Dean here is going to stop Lucifer." Zachariah piped up.

"I know." I frowned. "But something else is going on."

"I spose you mean the part where we put the apocalypse in motion." The angel grinned. My frown deepened as I turned to look at him. "Dean here was never meant to stop it. He will stop Lucifer, but in order to do that he has to rise." The angel smiled mockingly.

"Sam's going to stop him from being risen." I shot at him.

The angel laughed. "No, firecracker." He grinned and disappeared.

Whipping out my phone I tried to call Sam. "It's not working."

"I know." Dean told me. "Just give it a little bit. We'll get through to him."

"No, I don't think we will." I said shaking my head at him. "This is their plan, Dean. If they've made it this far then there is no stopping them."

"We'll stop it." He replied taking his phone out.

"You can't reach him, Dean. You're outside your coverage zone." Cass's voice entered the room.

"Cass, what the hell?" I frowned.

"What are you gonna do to Sam?" Dean asked him.

"Nothing. He's gonna do it to himself." Cass replied.

"What?" I said taking Dean's hand.

"What's that supposed to mean? Oh, right, right. Gotta toe the company line." Dean shot at him. A guilty look crossed Cass's face. "Why are you here, Cass?"

"We've been through much together, you and I. And I just wanted to say I'm sorry it ended like this." He told my husband. He looked at me, his jaw clenching. I just shook my head at him.

"Sorry?" Dean frowned before punching him. Covering my mouth with my hands, Dean turned to me, pain written across his face. Punching an angel was like punching metal. I swiftly went to him, taking his hands in mine, glaring up at the angel. Cass glared at us. "It's Armageddon, Cass. You need a bigger word than sorry." Dean told him, pulling away from me.

"Try to understand." Cass told him. "This is long foretold. This is your—"

"Destiny? Don't give me that holy crap. Destiny, God's plan…it's a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch." Dean shot at him angrily. "It's just a way for your bosses to keep me, and keep you, in line. You know what's real? People. Families. That's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?"

It was all a little hard to hear. Knowing was one thing but he was putting it all out in the open now. Cass didn't understand what it all meant. He knew what was going to happen but he didn't get what it would _feel_ like.

"What is so worth saving?" Cass finally replied, his tone cold. "I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam."

"Peace?" I frowned at him before looking at Dean.

"You can take your peace…and shove it up your lily-white ass." Dean told him. "Because I'll take the pain and the guilt, I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise. This is simple, Cass. No more crap about being a good soldier. There is a right and there is a wrong here and you know it!" Cass moved to turn away from him. He grabbed the angels arm, forcing him to face him. "Look at me. You know it! Now, you were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonna warn me, before they dragged you to Bible camp. Help me now, please." Cass didn't say anything. "Help us." Dean added as he pulled me against him.

Cass looked at me momentarily before replying, "What would you have me do?"

"Get us to Sam. We can stop this before it's too late." He told him.

Cass's expression didn't change but the look in his eyes was telling me he wouldn't do it. "I do that, we will all be hunted. We will all be killed."

"If there is anything worth dying for…this is it." Dean tried to convince him. Cass just shook his head. Anger crossed Dean's face. "You spineless, soulless son of a bitch. What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done." Dean told him.

"Dean." Cass told him.

"We're done." Dean shot at him, turning away from him.

"Cass." I said going to the angel. It was my turn to try and convince him. "Please, you have to understand."

"I do understand." He told me.

"No, you don't." I said shaking my head. "If you understood then you wouldn't hesitate to do this for us. You'd take us to Sam without even considering the possibilities of what would happen."

"They will kill you." He stated. "All of you."

"Dean is right. If there was anything worth dying for, this is it. We need to stop this and the only person who can help us now is you. How can you turn your back on us now?"

"To protect you."

"Seems to me you're doing a better job protecting yourself then us." I told him coldly.

He looked at me before lifting his hand toward my face. Turning my head away from his touch, I heard him sigh before he disappeared. Looking at Dean, he still had a frown on his face. Stepping up to him, I took his head in my hands. He averted his eyes from mine. Placing a long kiss against his forehead, I rested mine against his. We'd figure something out. We always did.

* * *

><p>Several more hours had passed and Dean and I were still left alone in the angel room. No one came to see us and there was nothing to break the silence that had fallen over us. There was nothing left to say. I'd given in and opened one of the beers. If I was going to die then at least I'd be able to have one last beer to indulge in. Dean was holding his stubbornness, unwilling to partake in the beer or the burgers. Even though the burger was starting to win out.<p>

"Just do it." I smiled at him. "I took a beer."

"No." He frowned at me.

"So stubborn." I said gently.

A smirk moved across his as he stepped up to me. Spreading my legs, I welcomed him as he moved against me, his lips meeting mine in a hot kiss. "There, I had a taste of the beer." He smirked at me.

Laughing, I kissed him again and repeatedly. The room was heating up when he was torn away from me, shocked to see Cass slamming him against the wall, the demon knife at his throat. Yelling 'no' I lunged at the angel only to have him grip my throat and shove me against the wall next to my husband. Both of us looked at Cass, but the look in his eyes was telling us he was here to help. I looked at Dean, seeing him nod at the angel. Cass looked at me before releasing us, taking the knife and cutting his own arm, writing a blood sigil on the wall.

"Castiel! Would you mind explaining just what the hell you're doing?" Zachariah yelled as he appeared in the room.

Cass finished the sigil, looking at Zachariah before slamming his hand in the center of it, banishing the angel from the room. "He won't be gone long. We have to find Sam now." Cass said turning to Dean.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"I don't know, but I know who does." Cass said handing Dean the knife back. "We have to stop him, Dean. From killing Lilith."

"But Lilith's gonna break the final seal." Dean frowned.

"Lilith is the final seal. She dies, the end begins." Cass told him.

A huge pit fell in my stomach and for a moment I thought I was going to throw up. All the work we had been doing. Everything was to stop the seals from being broken and when it came down to the one that was supposed to stop it all…it was Lilith who was going to raise Lucifer. Sam was wrong. We were all wrong. Sam needed to know. In the next second, Dean had my hand and we were suddenly in Chuck's kitchen. Looking at him, I listened to him on the phone. He was clearly discussing call girls with someone.

"Wait. This isn't supposed to happen." Chuck said looking at all of us. Then to the woman on the phone, "No, lady, this is definitely supposed to happen. But I just need to call you back." He said and hung up the phone.

"All right." Dean frowned at him.

"Where's Sam?" I asked Chuck.

"What?" Chuck frowned. "This isn't supposed to happen."

Stepping forward, I took his shirt, jerking him closer to me. "I don't give a _fuck_ if this was supposed to happen or not. The apocalypse happens today. Now tell us where the hell Sam is."

"Okay." He nodded, cowering slightly.

Following him to his computer, he looked through all of his latest writing on his visions. "He's at St. Mary's." Chuck told us quickly.

"St. Mary's? What is that, a convent?" Dean frowned.

"Yeah." Chuck replied. "You guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story."

"Yeah, well, we're making is up as we go." Cass told him.

Before Chuck could respond the electricity started to go wonky and a bright light appeared in the room.

"What? Oh, man. Not again." Chuck said knowing what it meant.

"It's the Archangel. I'll hold him off, I'll hold them all off. Just stop Sam!" Cass told us.

"I'll stay and help." I told him, looking at Dean.

"No." Dean said taking my hand.

"You need to stop Sam." I told him. "I'll help give you the time you need."

"I love you." He said pulling me into a hard kiss.

"I love you more." I said kissing him again.

Then Cass stepped up to him, putting his hand on Dean's forehead, he sent him to the convent where Sam was. Looking at Cass, the white light intensified as the Archangel grew nearer. He frowned sadly at me, holding his hand out. Taking it, I smiled at him.

"I didn't think you'd be here for the end." He told me.

"It's not the end yet." I replied.

The house shook and the light became nearly unbearable before there was something of a shock wave. Suddenly regretting my decision, terror filled me as I stared into the light. Then I felt my feet leave the ground, everything starting to break. There wasn't even enough time to face the archangel before it hit and everything went black.

THE END


End file.
